Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, moving on up, too deep down, moving on up, to a

deep...

you should have seen that hat she had on.

Ugly.

Girl, it looked like an explosion in a fruit market.

Florence, my breakfast.

Oh, that ain't nobody, just Mr. Jefferson.

Honey, I'm sorry you missed that skimpy dress he wore yesterday.

Girl, let me tell you, he was showing everything but her credit card.

What'd you say? I said I want my breakfast.

Not you, her.

So anyway, child, if I see her today, I'm... Hello?

Excuse me. Uh, Florence was just called out. This is her answering service.

If you want to leave a message, you may do so at the sound of the beep.

Beep!

I can't even make a phone call around here. Look, this is my house, that is my

phone, and I want my waffles.

Well, it ain't too hard.

You could have got them yourself.

Those are frozen waffles. I want the real one.

Then hire Auntie Mama.

George, I'm leaving now. See you later.

Wheezy, wait a minute. Come here, come here, come here. Look, look.

Frozen waffles, frozen orange juice, and freeze -dried coffee.

I'm paying her to watch my food defrost.

Mind if I have your orange juice?

Wheezy, you ain't even listening.

Yes, I am.

Oh, George, that's a terrible diet. You're not eating enough fiber.

I don't want no rope to eat either.

I can't talk now, George. I'm in such a rush.

You running off to that museum again?

No, this time I thought I'd take a cab.

Where did I put my keys?

Weasley, you've been running to that museum for three weeks now.

Why do you want to study Indian culture anyway?

Because they were the first Americans. What have you got against Indians?

I'm a businessman, Weasley.

I'm against anything that's in the red.

I don't like talking to the end that ain't talking back.

Okay, I got you. Found him.

Look, Weezy, you've been tearing out of here day after day. Now I want you to

give me a little time.

Yeah, sure, George. What is it? Oh, look at my lipstick.

See, this is what happens when I'm hanging around that old crazy Helen

She's the one that got you mixed up in this old museum thing in the first

All Helen did was invite me to sit in on a meeting.

Why is she worried about the Indians?

She should be out doing something that's important to her, like saving the

zebras.

George, I volunteered because I enjoy it. And I've got a lot of things to do

the museum. Like what?

Well, office work for now.

But someday I'd like to work in the field.

Weasley, are you crazy? It took us 200 years to get out of the field.

I'm talking about the places where they dig for Indian artifacts.

You, of all people, should know the value of preserving old relics.

You still support your mother, don't you?

Now, Weezy, that was cold.

You deserve that, George.

You make fun of all of my projects.

My French lessons, the help center, my vitamins.

What about your vitamins? I forgot to take them. Oh.

You know why I make fun of your projects? Because they're dumb.

Well, what do you want me to do? Stay here all day, getting ready for you to

come home? Then meet you at the door, wrap my arms around you, and spend the

rest of the night making you deliriously happy?

I'd be willing to try for a month.

Well, I wouldn't.

That's telling him.

Why is it everything I want to do is dumb?

Yeah, why is it?

And why is it you're always against me improving myself?

Yeah, why is it?

And why is it other people's husbands give them encouragement and you don't?

Yeah, why is it?

Look, one more why is it from you, and you're going to be wondering why is it

you woke up in another zip code area.

Now, look, Louise, you listen to me. I have no time to talk now, George. We'll

talk about it tonight.

But, Wheezy.

Look, Wheezy, I'm not against your Indian thing. It's just that you're

home anymore.

Louise, I finally caught you at home.

It's all your fault.

I'm fine, thank you. And how are you?

It is not her fault. That's right. You always blame me when something goes

wrong. Well, I am sick and tired of it. This time you can put the blame on

somebody else.

Louise, what are we talking about?

George doesn't like me putting in so much time at the museum.

Oh, is that where you've been? I've been looking all over for you. Well,

goodbye, George. I gotta go now. Bye, Helen. Wheezy, will you wait? Louise,

wait! No.

Hey, hold it.

There's a million things I want to talk to you about.

I'll call you. But you haven't been around the help center for weeks.

What about the newsletter?

I'd love to help, but I'm just so busy.

They got me working in the Indian department.

With Dr. Jethro?

Yes. That man could get me to volunteer for anything.

Oh.

What are you working on that's so important?

Nothing special.

It's just that he's snowed under with work, and I'm giving him a hand.

Oh.

Oh, now, come on.

I've got to leave. I'm a half hour late already, and I can't... Oh, darn.

Louise, wait.

No, Helen, I've got to...

If this is going to take long, we could send out for a pizza.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Okay, then, what about lunch? I can always come down there.

It wouldn't work, Helen. Bob and I don't eat at a regular time.

Oh, so now it's Bob.

You have been working hard.

Oh, no.

Helen, I promise I'll call you soon.

Hey, Bob, I found it.

The piece we were missing.

Oh, let me see.

You're right. Where was it?

In the pile with the rest of them. We had two number 12.

Oh, this is going to be a great addition to our Navajo collection, you know.

Yeah, it's my favorite.

There's only one thing I can't figure out. Why did the Navajos make so many

different kinds of pottery?

Oh, that's simple. For garage sales.

What?

Oh, you.

No, actually, all of their pottery had a use.

Now, this pot might have held cornmeal, or maybe the medicine man used it to ask

the spirits for something.

He should have asked for a new pot.

Louise, you are fantastic. I don't know how I did this job without you.

Oh, I don't do much. Just little things.

Fill out the cards. Oh, no, I mean it.

I have never seen anyone so efficient.

Oh, come on.

It's nothing.

I don't really... Louise,

you must learn to accept

compliments. That's what you get around here instead of money.

Oh, well, I don't care about that. I never really expect to get paid anyway.

Ah, you see there? Now you even think like an Indian.

You know, a lot of tribes didn't have any money at all, and if they needed

something, they traded for it. Now, for instance, if a man wanted a wife, it

would cost him two horses.

Well, what if he wanted a horse?

It would cost him two wives.

I'm sorry.

Tell me, Louise, what made you get interested in Indians in the first

huh? Oh, I don't want to tell you. You'll think it's silly.

Oh, probably, but my other choice is writing a fundraising letter, so please

ahead.

Well, it was all because of a toy doll.

When I was a little girl, they didn't make black dolls, but I wanted one.

I kept pestering my father until one day he came home with the closest thing he

could find, a little Indian princess.

Oh, that's so funny.

I was just thinking, I'll bet she was the only Indian princess named Beulah.

Well, I've certainly never seen one.

really fascinated me, that little princess with her long black hair and

colorful beads, all dressed in buckskin.

I often wondered, who were these people?

Well, Louise, if you've had the interest that long, you know, you should go back

to school and take it up.

Oh, I'm too old.

Come on, now, don't be ridiculous. How old are you?

Me?

I'm old enough to know better than to answer that question.

Oh, excuse me.

Hello, Dr. Jessup speaking.

No, no, it's all set up. I'll be there.

Now, you'll get my report when I get back.

Right. All right.

You're going away?

Yep, on a dig.

A chemical plant wants to build in the Mohawk Valley, and the state asked us to

check it out, make sure that no sacred areas are involved.

Oh, it must be exciting going to a real site.

Oh, I tell you, it makes it all worthwhile.

Oh, I've never done anything like that.

Why don't you come along?

Me? Oh, no. It's only for the weekend, and you've learned enough here. Oh,

be great help.

You really think so?

I wouldn't ask otherwise. Can you go?

Well, sure.

You know, I think I really like that. When is it? This weekend.

This weekend?

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's okay.

Now you'll really see what archaeology is really all about.

I better check and see if you have all the gear you need.

Oh, Bob.

Yes, Louise.

Who else is going?

Oh, just you and me.

Will you get out here? We ain't finished talking about this camping trip yet.

Who are you shouting at?

Did you hear Moose call?

Then why did you come running?

Louise, I want to see you out here now.

Okay, okay.

What

kind

of outfit is that you're wearing?

What are you laughing at? This is what you have to wear in the woods.

She's telling the truth, child, because I saw that same outfit on Smokey the

Bear.

Look, Weezy, you and this pile of junk ain't going nowhere.

George, we've been all through that. Now stop it. I'm only going for a weekend.

The weekend? It's going to take you at least a month to unpack.

Well, what are you complaining about?

I'm the one who's going to be roughing it.

The hell you are. I'm the one who's got to eat Florence's cooking.

Well, if you don't like it, I won't cook.

You hear that, Weezy? She's going to starve me to death.

Florence, you'll make Mr. Jefferson three meals a day.

I'd rather starve.

Oh, now, come on, George. Be a good sport. This is important to me.

All right.

You want to camp out? Camp out on the terrace.

George, why are you being so difficult?

Weezy, now, you know how special weekends are to us. We always spend them

together. Since when? You work every Saturday.

Yeah, but I'm always coming home on Saturday night.

Yeah,

to watch television.

And I just sit there and read a book.

I know, but I like having you here.

Why?

Well, I might want a sandwich.

That's very touching, George.

Now I have to get this thing packed.

Will one of you please give me a hand?

Florence?

Wait a minute. You want me to put all this stuff in this little bag?

That's like putting Will Chamberlain in a hat box.

It'll fit.

Good evening, Mr. J. I hope I'm not disturbing you.

You're here, ain't you?

Mrs. J., I found the canteen I was telling you about.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Bentley, but I already have one.

Oh, not like this. It's filled with wine.

That's an old Boy Scout trick.

Mr. Bentley, why would a Boy Scout carry a canteen full of wine?

In case he runs into a Girl Scout.

Well, that's very thoughtful of you, but I can't use it.

Oh, well, I'm sure I can make good use of it.

Mr. J., your wife is a very lucky person.

What a wonderful chance to experience nature and get away from the pollution.

Don't knock pollution, Bentley. Some people think it's beautiful.

Really? Who?

Us cleaners.

Pollution gets people dirty, right?

So what could be more beautiful to a cleaner than a dirty person?

Yes, I suppose it is our point of view. I mean, to a goat, a tin can isn't

rubbish, it's dinner.

What?

Did you just call me a goat?

No, George.

Oh, Mrs. J, I envy you.

My Uncle Clifford used to take us camping every summer.

There was nothing he didn't know about the English forest, except for the

Hampton Bog.

The Hampton Bog? What the hell is that?

That's exactly what Uncle Clifford said when he fell in. He fell in?

Did you hear that, Weezy? I told you camping was dangerous. They got

they got wild animals, man -eating plants, and the bog.

Bentley, would you mind telling Weezy how dangerous camping can be, please?

not at all.

Well, go ahead and tell her.

I just did. Not at all.

Now, camping's the safest thing in the world. It's much safer than standing out

on 3rd Avenue.

See, George, I've got nothing to worry about.

Well, if you're sure you don't need this, I'll be running along.

Wait a minute, Bentley. Camp has got to be dangerous. What about your uncle

falling into the bog?

Oh, you can't go by Uncle Clifford. He was always falling or tripping or

into things.

I always thought it was poor eyesight, but his wife said he just didn't give a

damn.

My Uncle Claude used to go around... You know, I wonder if he had

parents or keepers.

Are you sure we're putting this on right?

I think so.

Wait a minute, Miss Jefferson. This thing is heavy.

Well, I'm going to have to carry it. Let it go, Florence.

All right.

Well, I'm going to have to wear it a while and get used to it.

All it takes is a little technique.

And three pygmies running behind holding it up.

I'll get it.

See how hard it is, Weezy? Why don't you just give up?

Hello, Florence.

Oh, Louise, I was waiting for your call about the newsletter.

Oh, are you taking a trip?

I'm going on an Indian dig this weekend.

Oh, the whole weekend?

That museum is really taking up a lot of your time. See that? Even your dumb

friend Helen thinks this trip is a dumb thing.

Helen, will you please tell George it won't kill him if I go away for a

Uh, I think I'd better stay out of this.

That's the first smart thing I ever heard you say.

Come on, Helen, get before the museum.

Look, Louise, I am not taking any part of this, okay?

Two smart things in a row.

Somebody call a newspaper.

No, it's not okay. You're supposed to be my friend.

This is between you and George. That's all I'm saying. She did it three in a

row. A new Willis record.

Well, I don't care what anybody says. I'm going.

And if any of you come to your senses, I'll be in the kitchen.

Here, Miss Jefferson.

Oh, thank you, Florence.

I can do it myself now.

You'll be getting too involved if you help me take this off.

Tell me, Louise.

Isn't it unusual for a volunteer worker to be invited on a dig?

I don't know.

Bob just asked me if I'd like to go, and I said yes. Really? Who else is going?

Oh, I guess only Bob and me.

Does George know that?

No. No?

Well, it just never came up.

Oh, well, now that sounds innocent enough.

You and a gorgeous, unmarried scientist going off alone up to the wood to do a

little digging around.

And just exactly what does this mean?

Oh, it's just an old Indian dance. It means put on your buffalo skin, Mama. It

is hanky -panky time.

Helen, this is me you're talking about. And this is me you're talking to.

Louise, do you know what you're doing?

Oh, you don't understand.

All right.

Explain it to me.

Okay.

I like to get out of the house and work on different projects. I understand

that. And I think a woman can have a male friend. I understand that.

And I love George.

I'll never understand that.

Oh, come on, Helen. Nothing is going to happen.

I'm happily married and I don't fool around.

Neither do I.

But I'm telling you, you can be alone with a man and it can happen.

Maybe he sees something in you nobody ever saw before.

Or maybe he's the only man who laughs because you're a rotten speller.

Or maybe he sings an old song you always loved.

Or he thinks your story about a toy doll is cute.

Yeah, something dumb like that.

And all those little things add up.

And all of a sudden, you're feeling warm and close.

And boom.

Indian love call.

Helen, don't say that. Look, I love Tom.

But I'm telling you, I know it can happen.

Helen, what happened?

Well, it was a long time ago.

Tom and I had been married for about ten years.

Remember I told you that I had gone back to school to get my graduate degree?

Yeah.

Well, Tom went out of town for a week.

And I got a bee sting on my ankle. My whole leg swelled up.

And I had to stay at home.

And my professor came over every day just to keep me up to date.

Uh -oh.

Oh, no, no, no. It was completely innocent.

We talked a lot and... He cooked for me.

I mean, I liked him, Louise, but that was all.

Then one day, he was helping me to walk.

And he started singing Blue Moon.

Oh, girl.

You know how I always love Blue Moon.

Well, anyway, we walked.

And then I leaned on him.

And then he leaned on me.

And I leaned a little harder.

And... And?

Nothing.

Nothing? Girl, you can't fly with a fat foot.

Then you didn't do anything. You just thought about it? Yeah.

Just like Jimmy Carter.

There you see, Helen.

Nothing happened with you, and nothing will happen with me.

Then you're going?

Yes, I am.

Okay, Louise.

But remember, you can't always count on getting a beef thing to save you.

Then again, there's no sense in taking chances.

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

You're right.

Poor Bob.

He may not be able to control himself.

Helen, if your foot had been okay, do you think you and that professor would

have... Oh, no.

I might have graduated with honors.

Oh!

Well, it's about time. What you two been gabbing about in there?

Oh, nothing, George. Just woman talk.

Yeah, you know, about cooking.

How we shouldn't let things get overheated.

Bye.

Helen. Hmm?

Thanks.

Okay, Weasley.

I've been thinking about this whole thing, and I made up my mind. Relax,

I decided not to go. I don't care what you decided. You ain't going nowhere.

Yes, George.

You can just take back all of that junk.

Yes, George. And you can take off that silly -looking outfit.

Yes, George. Oh, I love you, George. Hey, Weasley, we'll cut it out and we'll

argue it.

Blue moon, you saw me standing alone.

Without a dream in my heart.

Without a life of my own.

No more.

front of a studio audience.