Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up. Moving on up. To the top.

Moving on up. To the deep.

It's a poker game, not a bake -off.

You wouldn't know it from the way you're playing.

Look, just... Just because you got a lucky streak don't mean no better poker

player than me.

I know 50 guys who say I am.

Who? This guy and this guy and this guy.

Look, will you just shut up and bet?

George, don't be a poor loser.

I'm not...

have nothing either.

She did to me and I'll kill her.

George, sit down. It's just a game.

All right, give me them cards.

Now we're going to play a game I can win.

How about old maid?

How about no maid?

Don't get too cocky, Florence.

George was the poker champion of his ship in the Navy.

That's right.

What ship was that?

The USS Chump?

I sure wish I could have spent a week on your boat.

No way.

It was a war, but we wasn't that desperate.

Now, this is how the game goes. Now, just a minute, George. I don't think we

should play anymore.

Why not?

Because you said you wanted to go to bed early tonight. You didn't get any sleep

last night, and you've been dead tired all day. I ain't going to sleep till I

win back my money from her.

Then you're going to set the world's record for staying awake.

Now, listen.

Well, you know what they say. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.

I'm ready to quit myself.

You can't quit.

Why not?

Because I'm losing. That's why not.

That ain't no fat off of my house.

Give me back my money. That wasn't no full game.

Look, I won this money and I'm going to keep it. Not if I take it from you.

I'd like to see you cry.

Okay, I will.

What's the matter with you?

It was worth it, Weezy. Now she won't come out of her room for a week.

Well, it wasn't very nice. Besides, I'm the one who asked her to play.

Ah! Okay, then you owe me $9 .80.

Okay, I'll give you a chance to get even. Oh, that's stupid. We were just

trading our own money back.

Oh, we don't have to play for money.

Well, then it ain't no fun.

Sure it is.

When we were first married and we didn't have any money, we used to play strip

poker, remember?

Oh, yeah.

Want to play now?

Oh, forget it. We, look, playing strip poker with your wife is like taking a

walk in your own neighborhood. You ain't going to see none you've never seen

before.

Watch it, boys.

Whoever it is, we ain't home.

Is this the Jefferson residence? Yes, it is. Oh, thank God.

I could never walk another step.

Scoot over, honey.

But do we know who... I mean, are you sure you have

the right... How did you get our... What she's trying to say is who the hell is

you?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I was just so tired from the trip.

I'm Dora Johnston. Dora Johnston?

Florence's mother.

What?

Well, Florence does work here, doesn't she? She picks up her checks. See, I

don't know where she works.

I have to forgive our surprise, but we didn't think Florence had any family.

None of them would admit it.

You must be Mrs.

Jefferson. Florence wrote us such beautiful things about you.

Oh?

And this is my husband, George.

Oh, yeah.

Florence had a few words to say about you, too.

Oh, Florence, can you come out here, please?

Oh, she's going to be so excited. What a wonderful surprise.

Now, if Mr. Jefferson thinks he's going to get his money, Mama!

Flossie!

Oh, George, look.

Is there anything nicer than a family reunion?

Yeah, a family leaving a reunion.

You wouldn't catch me grabbing, hugging, and slobbing all over my mother like

that.

Of course not. You'd spill her bloody marriage.

Let me look at you, Florence.

Oh, Mama, this is the nicest surprise.

Did you just get in? How was your trip? Now, I know you're going to stay.

Oh, Mama, you look so good.

Mama.

Florence, why didn't you ever tell me about your parents?

Why didn't you ever tell me about yours?

Well, I thought that... It's a lot of things I ain't never told you about.

Like when I was in high school, I was voted Miss Personality.

Who'd you run against, Godzilla?

But you always said you were alone.

Well, I might as well be. They've been living in Vancouver, Canada for almost

ten years.

And you sure can't take the subway there.

Well, you know, Florence, we had to go where the work was.

We wanted you to come with us.

Well, it's never too late. Take her now.

Don't pay no attention to him, Mama. He's just mad because I beat him at

Don't listen to her. Look, I ain't slept for two days. You can ask Wheezy. The

only reason Florence won tonight is because I ain't myself.

Mr. Jefferson, any time you ain't yourself, we're all winners.

I see you still got that sharp tongue.

Florence always was full of sass.

Would you like to see some pictures of her when she was a little girl?

Oh, Mama, they don't want to see no pictures of me.

You're right about that.

We'd love to see them. Look, Weezy, I'm going to bed. You can handle the party

from here.

Oh, no, George, don't be rude.

Now, can't you just stick around for a little while?

I can hardly keep my eyes open. And just to look at some pictures of Florence

ain't no good reason to try.

Now, that's enough, George. You be nice.

Here they are, right on top. Great!

Do you remember these, Florence?

Oh, Mama.

Did you have to bring that one? That's so embarrassing.

Oh, don't be silly, Florence. You were just a baby.

Besides, you had such a cute little behind.

I think I'm going to be sick.

Oh, George, look at this.

Yeah. Florence was such a beautiful child.

It's one of those gifts you never lose.

Well, it wasn't always that way. When I first looked at you after you were born,

all scrunched up and wrinkled, I said to myself, Dora, you gotta put a hat on

that kid or they're gonna die with the wrong end.

Are you done with that one, George?

George?

What's so interesting about that picture?

George!

I like this picture. Too bad she didn't bring some more.

Here's a nice one of you and your father.

Oh, how is Daddy?

Oh, he's fine.

I wish he could have come with you. Now, that would be kind of silly, Florence,

especially since we're going to get a divorce.

A divorce?

Oh, it'll be good for the both of us.

Oh, Mama, that's a terrible thing.

Living with him was a terrible thing.

Mrs. Johnson, I'm sorry.

Well, I'm not. We should have done it years ago.

I feel like somebody just kicked me in my tummy.

Oh, Florence, don't get upset. It's all for the best.

For the best? A divorce?

Yeah, so I thought I'd visit with my little girl while the papers are being

drawn up.

I suppose I should call for a hotel room.

Oh, now, Mama, you ain't going to no hotel. You're going to stay right here

me. Right, Miss Jefferson?

Why, yes, of course. She can use Lionel's old room.

I have to get right back to meet with the lawyers again.

Oh, how long can you stay?

Only a month.

Come here, Wheezy. I want to talk to you right now.

George, I'm not going to argue with you. This is Florence's home, too, and her

mother can stay here. But why can't she stay?

Look, I'm all for it, but Wheezy needs a little convincing.

George! Wheezy!

I'm surprised at you.

Okay, okay. She wants to talk it over in the kitchen. Come on. That's not right.

What's wrong with you?

I never... Never say she can't stay here. No, I'm saying it. Look, this

Holiday Inn for weirdos.

George, that's her mother.

I know it's her mother.

Why would I want the maid's mother staying here? I don't even want the maid

herself staying here.

When Florence took this job, we said she could have guests.

Well, that's her mother. She ain't no guest. She's a relative.

Well, what's the difference?

A guest is a guest. A relative is a pet.

Don't be ridiculous, George.

She looks like a very nice person to me. Oh, Weasley, you say that about

everybody. You wouldn't know a pain in the butt if you saw one.

You want to bet?

Look, Weasley, all I'm saying is... I know what you're talking about.

And she's dying.

Oh, come on, George. Let her stay.

Who is she going to hurt?

Lionel.

Lionel? Yeah. Now we ain't got a room for him.

Daniel hasn't lived here for almost a year. That's right, because we ain't got

room for him.

No, because he's married.

Except to George.

Oh, look, that don't mean nothing.

With any luck, they're probably breaking up right now.

Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

It's probably your own son right now looking for a place to sleep.

What the hell do you want? Mr. Jefferson Residence?

Yeah. That's what I want.

Daddy!

Don!

What are you doing here?

I came to stay with my daughter.

I

see

you couldn't wait to get here to tell your side of the story.

Hello, Don.

Too bad you have to leave.

But they only got one guest room, and I'm using it. That's all right. The

will be fine.

Oh, no, it won't be fine.

Oh, don't worry about me.

I can sleep anywhere.

No, you can't.

Yeah, this is real nice.

Mm -hmm.

Hey, man, what are you doing? Keep your clothes on.

Look, if she stays, I stay.

Because Florence is my daughter.

She's my daughter, too. Well, she ain't my daughter, so you can both go to a

hotel.

Dr. George, they're having enough problems already. They're getting a

Okay, make that separate hotel.

Daddy, y 'all ain't really gonna split up. Look how long y 'all been together.

45 years.

Yeah. 45 of the longest, most god -awful years a man can live with.

46 years. And that's the reason why she's been correcting me all 45 years.

That's such a long time.

Are you sure divorce is the right thing?

Well, now, I feel kind of funny answering that.

Why? Because I don't even know who you are.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Louise Jefferson.

Oh, pleasure to meet you. And that's my husband, George. Hi.

Bye.

Let me tell you something, Louise.

If I hadn't come along when I did, she wouldn't be married to this day.

Don't you... Listen to him. When I was younger, I was beautiful.

Careful now, Dora. You remember, I was there.

Let me tell you one thing. Get your fingers out of my face.

Get your fingers out of my face.

What is happening?

Florence, you might as well know the truth.

Your father's impossible to live with. His habits are driving me nuts. He has

brush his teeth every morning at exactly 7 .42.

When she buys a new book, she has to read it in first.

He makes noises when he drinks.

She makes noises when she sleeps.

And let's not forget about the hamburger.

For years, I slaved over a hot stove, made him everything in the books, and

all he'll eat is hamburger.

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Hamburger. And you know why?

Because after eating all your other cooking, hamburger's the only thing

stay down.

learn how to cook.

George, will you keep your big mouth shut?

Look, this is my house. I can do anything I want with my big mouth.

Can you make it disappear?

That's telling him, Miss Jefferson.

Look, in a minute, I'm gonna make you disappear.

If you're gonna talk to my daughter like that, you can just go to your room.

What we all need right now is a good night's sleep. Tomorrow morning,

will look different.

Especially for them, because they're going to wake up in a hotel.

George!

Okay, now you sleep in Lionel's room, and you sleep out here on the couch.

Oh, that suits me just fine.

Sure does.

You get a nice, comfortable bed.

All right.

I'll take the couch. You take the bed.

Why? What's wrong with the bed? I'm tired.

Just decide where you want to sleep.

Wherever you're not. Oh, you continuous old goat. Look here, I told you.

No, not in my dreams, too.

What time is it?

Oh, it ain't late. It's 4 .30. 4 .30?

Is the building burning down?

No. Did somebody die?

No. Then you're fired!

Oh, stop it, George.

Now, what's the matter, Florence?

Oh, Miss Jefferson, I've just been tossing and turning. I can't sleep.

Well, just close your eyes and try counting unemployment checks.

I'm sorry, but I had to talk to somebody.

Have you got a minute?

Sure. It's only 4 .30.

I got three more hours before I go to work.

You can talk to me, Florence. What is it?

Oh, Miss Jefferson, I've just been thinking about Mama and Daddy.

I know I shouldn't be in here.

I should be able to solve my own problems.

My parents are getting a job offer! You poor

girl. Sit here.

What am I going to do?

every day.

The fact is your parents never should have gotten married.

George, how can you say that?

Easy. If they ain't getting married, they wouldn't have had no kids, and I'd

sleeping right now.

Can't you help me, Miss Jefferson?

I know they really love each other.

What can I do, Florence? I'm not a marriage counselor.

But you must know something. You managed to stay with him all these years.

I'll do what I can in the morning.

But first, I think you need to get some rest.

Why don't you get into bed?

It won't do no good. I still can't sleep.

Maybe you can now.

Just lie down.

Okay.

Well, I didn't mean to. Oh, thank you, Miss Jefferson.

You're so kind. I didn't want to be alone.

Uh -oh.

thing for you, but I ain't sleeping with my maid.

Get out of here, you.

What the hell is that?

Oh, it's my folks. They're fighting again.

That's it. It's all over. They've had it.

George, what are you going to do? Throw them out. Oh, no, Mr. Jefferson.

Then they'll never get back together.

Let me go talk to them. Why? They ain't going to listen to nobody.

Oh, there has to be a way.

Maybe there is.

When I was a little girl, they used to hate to see me cry.

They'd do anything for me to get me to stop.

So what you gonna do, go out there and cry?

Yeah, it'll work. I know it will.

Okay, you got five minutes, then I'll throw them out. But remember, make sure

they ain't standing by no window, because when I start throwing, I just

You saw me. I didn't see you nothing. Yes, you did. You know who I was.

What do you mean you didn't see me? I don't want to see you.

Now,

what's going on out here?

I went in your mother's room to get an extra pillow, and she hit me with it. It

was dark. I couldn't see who it was. You hear that?

Your mother's getting so old, her eyes are gone.

Last week, she tried to take a shower in the closet.

Look who's talking about old. On a quiet night, you can hear his hair falling

out.

In all the years I've been married to you, I can't remember a quiet night.

That's because you've got such a big...

your blubbering.

Well, I can't help it. You're my folks, and I don't want you to break up.

Now, can't you talk it over? I ain't got nothing to say to him, and I got

nothing to say to her.

But you ain't giving yourselves a chance if you don't at least talk it over.

All right, we'll talk.

You tell him he's a stubborn old jackass.

Oh, Mama.

Go on, tell him he's a stubborn old jackass.

Daddy. Yes, baby girl?

Your stubborn old jacket.

Now, that's no way to talk to your father.

I didn't say it. She did. Well, then you tell her for me that... Daddy, it would

help if you'd say something nice for a change.

All right.

But just for my little girl.

Dora, thank you for the divorce.

Now, look, don't blame me.

I've given that woman the best years of my life.

I wonder which two they were. All

right, that's it,

that's it. Sit down. The game is over.

Now,

you listen to me.

He came into my room. Shut up!

Now

it's

my turn.

If you didn't want him to know where you were, how come you told him... were

coming here?

I didn't.

Well, it might have just slipped out, but I don't know.

And how come you just happened to show up here the same time she did?

Well, it was just a coincidence. I never dreamed she did. Yeah, that's what I

wanted to hear.

Now, I got an announcement to make. I am George Jefferson.

You are the Johnstons. My name is on the rent checks. Your name is on two

tickets back to Canada. Use them.

Now, just a minute, George. He's throwing them out. You said you would

She's going to help. Wheezy, help him pack.

George, you just don't kick people out of your house.

Oh, yeah, that's right. You give them a reason first, then you kick them out.

Okay. Reason number one, you ain't nothing but troublemakers.

Reason number two, I don't like you.

And it ain't because you're Florence's parents. We all make mistakes.

It's because of reason number three, you are fools.

All right, George, you've said enough. No, I ain't.

Now, look, ever since you two been here, I've been listening to you just

chipping away at each other about every little fault. I mean, after 46 years,

you should know them all.

And you should know they ain't important.

Now, me and Weezy been married for 25 years.

And you know why it works?

Because I put up with all her faults.

And she'd do the same for me if I had any.

Look, I know how much Wheezy means to me.

And you should know how much you mean to each other.

Now, if you want to throw all that away, you go right ahead.

But that's what makes you damn fools.

And you can just do it somewhere else.

I know.

And you did it so well.

Huh? Come here.

See that, Wheaton?

Sometimes you've got to be tough. Of course it helps when you're the type

commands respect.

Don't spoil it, George.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Jefferson.

My pleasure, Florence.

I should have known they'd be crazy enough to listen to you.

Yeah, I figured I'd give her one more chance.

I guess I'm kind of sort of used to him by now.

Oh, I'm so glad to hear that.

They even decided to start this trip all over again and make it a second

honeymoon. Oh, now that's what I wanted to hear.

When are you going to start?

Right now.

Hey, good.

Now I can get some sleep.

By the way, where are they going to spend their honeymoon?

In Lionel's room.

The Jeffersons was videotaped in front of a studio audience.