Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,523 --> 00:00:02,915
♪ MTV
2
00:00:11,968 --> 00:00:13,230
♪ I'm goin' down
to South Park ♪
3
00:00:13,404 --> 00:00:15,405
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
4
00:00:15,406 --> 00:00:17,017
♪ Friendly faces
everywhere ♪
5
00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,713
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
6
00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:19,931
♪ I'm goin' down
to South Park ♪
7
00:00:19,932 --> 00:00:21,673
♪ Gonna leave my woes behind
8
00:00:21,934 --> 00:00:23,674
♪ Ample parking day
or night ♪
9
00:00:23,675 --> 00:00:25,373
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor" ♪
10
00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:26,547
♪ I'm headin' on down
to South Park ♪
11
00:00:26,548 --> 00:00:28,332
♪ Gonna see
if I can't unwind ♪
12
00:00:31,944 --> 00:00:33,249
♪ Come on down
to South Park ♪
13
00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:34,860
♪ And meet some friends
of mine ♪
14
00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:51,398
He's gone too far
this time, dude.
15
00:00:51,399 --> 00:00:53,791
The stuff he's saying about
Jews is out of control.
16
00:00:53,792 --> 00:00:55,315
Bro, you just
got to ignore him.
17
00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:56,707
Bro, it's pretty hard
to ignore him
18
00:00:56,708 --> 00:00:58,361
when he's saying it
all on a podcast.
19
00:00:58,362 --> 00:01:00,842
He actually said that
all women are whores,
20
00:01:00,843 --> 00:01:03,280
and the only thing we're
good at is murdering babies.
21
00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:04,715
Look, guys,
just leave it alone.
22
00:01:04,716 --> 00:01:06,066
Don't give him
any more attention.
23
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,718
That's easy
for you to say, dude.
24
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,546
Yeah, you are one
of the multitudes of groups
25
00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:11,506
he's spewing
his stupid shit about.
26
00:01:11,723 --> 00:01:12,506
Hey, guys.
27
00:01:12,507 --> 00:01:13,811
Who are you talking about?
28
00:01:13,812 --> 00:01:14,509
both: Clyde.
29
00:01:14,944 --> 00:01:15,901
Clyde?
30
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,251
Yeah, and his stupid
debating podcast.
31
00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:19,514
Hey, here he comes.
32
00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:21,993
Whatever, guys.
33
00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:23,909
Prove me wrong.
Prove me wrong.
34
00:01:24,649 --> 00:01:26,433
You don't know a thing
about the Jewish people.
35
00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:28,653
Yeah, and shut up
about girls' bodies.
36
00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:31,351
Well, that sounds like a very
female and Jew thing to say.
37
00:01:31,352 --> 00:01:32,353
If you guys don't like it,
38
00:01:32,614 --> 00:01:34,181
why don't you come debate me
on my podcast?
39
00:01:34,398 --> 00:01:36,965
We're not indulging
your stupid podcast.
40
00:01:36,966 --> 00:01:38,402
Yeah, screw you, fat ass.
41
00:01:40,317 --> 00:01:41,797
Wha-- what?
42
00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:45,016
Now, as your counselor,
43
00:01:45,017 --> 00:01:46,975
I want to try and understand
why you're doing
44
00:01:46,976 --> 00:01:48,804
all these bad things
you're doing.
45
00:01:49,674 --> 00:01:52,633
The other students are
very upset at this podcast.
46
00:01:52,634 --> 00:01:54,591
And what makes you think
you got to say
47
00:01:54,592 --> 00:01:55,898
all this stuff, Clyde?
48
00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:58,205
Hey, I'm just trying
to make my nut, man.
49
00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:01,642
Y-your nut?
50
00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:03,426
Yeah, you know,
kids have it tough these days.
51
00:02:03,427 --> 00:02:06,255
We got Xbox subscriptions,
PS5, Steam subscriptions,
52
00:02:06,256 --> 00:02:08,432
Netflix, HBO,
you want to order DoorDash.
53
00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:10,217
My nut's about 60 bucks a week.
54
00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:12,305
So you know, as a kid,
if you could do a podcast,
55
00:02:12,306 --> 00:02:14,395
say some really divisive shit,
then you could make your nut.
56
00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:18,049
Well, Clyde, there's more
important things
57
00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:19,530
than a nut, mkay?
58
00:02:20,444 --> 00:02:21,097
Like what?
59
00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:23,752
Well, like being nice,
mkay,
60
00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:26,797
making people smile,
helping people out.
61
00:02:26,798 --> 00:02:28,409
That's why
I became a counselor.
62
00:02:29,018 --> 00:02:29,671
Yes?
63
00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:32,063
Mr. Mackey, I need you
to pack your stuff.
64
00:02:32,064 --> 00:02:33,108
You've been fired, bud.
65
00:02:33,109 --> 00:02:34,415
W-what?
66
00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:36,546
Government's doing away with
needless spending in schools.
67
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:38,506
Get your things.
Last paycheck's up front.
68
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:39,898
What are you talking about?
69
00:02:40,421 --> 00:02:42,204
Hey, wait a minute,
PC Principal.
70
00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:43,467
Power Christian Principle, yes.
71
00:02:43,815 --> 00:02:45,687
I've worked here
for 26 years.
72
00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:47,296
We appreciate your service
to this school,
73
00:02:47,297 --> 00:02:49,907
but the government's cutting
back on unnecessary expenses.
74
00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:51,997
Well, what's more important
than a school counselor?
75
00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:53,825
Schools have
one counselor now,
76
00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:55,914
and he is the greatest
counselor that ever lived.
77
00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:57,655
Thanks for everything.
Now, pack your shit.
78
00:03:02,356 --> 00:03:02,834
But...
79
00:03:03,879 --> 00:03:05,489
what about my nut?
80
00:03:20,461 --> 00:03:21,591
Hello, and welcome
81
00:03:21,592 --> 00:03:24,856
to the "Clyde Donovan
Podcast."
82
00:03:26,858 --> 00:03:28,599
Welcome to
the Channel of Truth, guys.
83
00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:29,991
You can't trust Jews,
84
00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:31,210
white people are
the underprivileged,
85
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,559
and women belong at home.
86
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:33,864
I'd like to welcome
our first guest
87
00:03:33,865 --> 00:03:35,389
to the debate, Eric Cartman.
88
00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,437
What the hell do you think
you're doing, Clyde?
89
00:03:40,611 --> 00:03:42,133
We're here speaking the truth
about the Jews
90
00:03:42,134 --> 00:03:43,483
and the underprivileged
white class--
91
00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:44,614
That's my shtick.
92
00:03:44,615 --> 00:03:46,790
Knock it off, Clyde.
You stole my idea.
93
00:03:46,791 --> 00:03:48,140
I don't know about
stealing ideas,
94
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,011
but I do know about some
amazing supplement powders
95
00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:51,534
that are an absolute steal--
- Supplement powders?
96
00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:53,057
HE-MAN supplement powders
can really help you
97
00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:55,146
bulk up and get--
- Are you fucking serious?
98
00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:57,018
People are sponsoring you
for ripping me off?
99
00:03:57,019 --> 00:03:58,411
And it's really just the best
way to get ripped quick.
100
00:03:58,412 --> 00:03:59,543
So be sure to get some.
101
00:03:59,978 --> 00:04:01,197
And also, be sure to hashtag
#RespectClydesAuthority.
102
00:04:02,459 --> 00:04:03,068
What?
103
00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:07,681
So after losing my job,
I realized
104
00:04:07,682 --> 00:04:11,251
I really better get a handle
on how much I spend a month.
105
00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:12,599
Yes, Mr. Mackey.
106
00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,078
Looking over
your portfolio here,
107
00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:16,908
it appears you've got about
an $8,000 a month nut.
108
00:04:17,431 --> 00:04:19,346
$8,000 a month?
109
00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:22,043
I had no idea
my nut was that big.
110
00:04:22,044 --> 00:04:24,306
Now, we could get you
a debt consolidation loan,
111
00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:25,655
cancel your streaming services,
112
00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:26,874
downgrade
your phone subscription,
113
00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,354
do a second mortgage
on your house,
114
00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,574
and your nut's still $8,000--
115
00:04:31,575 --> 00:04:32,141
a month.
116
00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:35,100
But I don't have anything, mkay?
117
00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:36,536
I can't find a job.
118
00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:38,538
Nobody's hiring
counselors anymore.
119
00:04:38,539 --> 00:04:39,888
What am I supposed to do?
120
00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:42,804
Well, there are
other career opportunities.
121
00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:44,153
Have you considered...
122
00:04:44,414 --> 00:04:46,155
a job with the I-C-E?
123
00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:49,419
Help your country round up
undocumented immigrants.
124
00:04:50,899 --> 00:04:51,334
ICE?
125
00:04:51,943 --> 00:04:52,988
I'm a counselor.
126
00:04:53,162 --> 00:04:54,293
I help people.
127
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,121
I would never work for ICE.
128
00:04:56,339 --> 00:04:58,080
I understand you have
to have your principles.
129
00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:01,082
It's just they are
offering new recruits
130
00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:03,128
about a $100,000 salary.
131
00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:06,654
Say--say what now?
132
00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:10,440
Are you looking
for a new career?
133
00:05:10,919 --> 00:05:12,573
Why not join the I-C-E?
134
00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:14,443
We have jobs available now
135
00:05:14,444 --> 00:05:16,881
with up to
a $50,000 signing bonus.
136
00:05:17,491 --> 00:05:18,579
Signing bonus?
137
00:05:19,101 --> 00:05:21,407
♪ We don't ask
for experience ♪
138
00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:22,757
♪ Just show up
139
00:05:22,974 --> 00:05:26,630
♪ We don't care if you've
read a book or grown up ♪
140
00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:29,590
♪ If you're crazy
or fat and lazy ♪
141
00:05:29,851 --> 00:05:31,679
♪ We don't care at all ♪
142
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,638
I'm proud
to work for the I-C-E.
143
00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:39,425
♪ Immigration
and Customs Enforcement ♪
144
00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:40,817
♪ If you need a job
145
00:05:40,818 --> 00:05:42,167
♪ It's a job
146
00:05:43,038 --> 00:05:43,778
♪ To have
147
00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:52,612
And now, watch as
Clyde Donovan totally destroys
148
00:05:52,613 --> 00:05:54,310
these woke liberal students.
149
00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:56,180
Welcome to the channel, guys.
150
00:05:56,181 --> 00:05:58,139
Looks like a lot
of whiny babies have a problem
151
00:05:58,140 --> 00:06:00,490
with what I say,
so prove me wrong.
152
00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:02,187
Uh, Hey, Clyde.
153
00:06:02,492 --> 00:06:04,754
Um, you said nothing good
ever came from the Jews.
154
00:06:04,755 --> 00:06:07,844
But if that's true,
why are bagels so yummy?
155
00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:09,064
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
156
00:06:09,238 --> 00:06:10,500
Well, you've obviously
been taught by the Jews
157
00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:12,109
to have a problem with this
school and with America.
158
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:14,155
So let me ask you this-- what
is your definition of a woman?
159
00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:15,113
Wait, now, what?
160
00:06:16,245 --> 00:06:17,986
What is a woman?
It's a very simple question.
161
00:06:19,335 --> 00:06:21,510
Well, a woman is
a lady friend
162
00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:23,207
who, you know,
gives you kisses.
163
00:06:23,208 --> 00:06:24,339
You see, you can't
answer the question.
164
00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:25,819
But something is male
or it is female.
165
00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:27,342
Both science and scripture
agree to that.
166
00:06:27,343 --> 00:06:28,909
And that's just the truth.
Next.
167
00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:31,738
Another woke
student totally destroyed.
168
00:06:31,739 --> 00:06:32,914
Oh, jeez.
169
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,828
Did you call
the girls' soccer team
170
00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:37,047
a Marxist
indoctrination factory?
171
00:06:37,048 --> 00:06:38,397
That is correct.
172
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,530
We actually beat the boys
4 to 0, you know.
173
00:06:40,704 --> 00:06:42,401
You can whine about American
oppression all you want,
174
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,098
but you're using an iPhone
made by the free market
175
00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:45,752
to complain about a system
that gave it to you.
176
00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:47,406
Girls have it way easy
in America,
177
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,886
and that's just the truth.
178
00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:51,236
Woke student totally pwned.
179
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,541
Women have it good
in America,
180
00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:53,500
just like Black people do.
181
00:06:53,848 --> 00:06:55,152
Black people have everything
handed to them--
182
00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:55,980
Motherfucker!
183
00:07:02,117 --> 00:07:04,598
I'm sick of people
stealing my schtick.
184
00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:07,601
If anyone around here
is gonna be a master debater,
185
00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:08,514
it's me.
186
00:07:08,515 --> 00:07:09,472
So let's go.
187
00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:11,212
Who wants to debate
the master debater?
188
00:07:11,213 --> 00:07:11,648
Let's go.
189
00:07:11,866 --> 00:07:12,344
You right there.
190
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,477
That's the stupidest haircut
I've ever seen.
191
00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:16,218
You are wrong.
192
00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:19,133
Leviticus 3:17 says it shall be
a perpetual statute
193
00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:20,874
for your generations
throughout all your dwellings.
194
00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:21,963
So you can shut up, Bebe.
195
00:07:22,311 --> 00:07:23,573
You just hate America
and you love abortions.
196
00:07:37,195 --> 00:07:38,501
Mr. Mackey?
197
00:07:38,762 --> 00:07:39,981
Uh, yes, r-right here.
198
00:07:44,376 --> 00:07:45,247
Have a seat, sir.
199
00:07:47,379 --> 00:07:49,817
What makes you want to work
for immigration enforcement?
200
00:07:50,165 --> 00:07:50,818
Uh, well,
201
00:07:51,732 --> 00:07:53,037
you see, I got a nut.
202
00:07:53,603 --> 00:07:54,385
All right, you're hired.
203
00:07:54,386 --> 00:07:55,475
Take this to the next station
204
00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:57,389
for your physical
and orientation video.
205
00:07:58,608 --> 00:07:59,827
Well, th-that's it?
206
00:08:05,136 --> 00:08:07,398
You will now watch
an orientation video
207
00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:10,011
featuring the Director
of Homeland Security.
208
00:08:16,147 --> 00:08:17,714
Welcome to the team, recruits.
209
00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:20,282
I'm Kristi Noem,
Head of Homeland Security.
210
00:08:21,152 --> 00:08:23,459
Oh, she seems nice, mkay?
Very pretty.
211
00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:25,982
A few years ago,
I had to put my puppy down
212
00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:27,463
by shooting it in the face,
213
00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:29,420
because sometimes
doing what's important
214
00:08:29,421 --> 00:08:30,858
means doing what's hard.
215
00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:36,211
Whoa. Whoa.
216
00:08:36,907 --> 00:08:38,561
Now, we'll ask
the same determination of you.
217
00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:42,216
Because detaining
and questioning people
218
00:08:42,217 --> 00:08:43,348
is never easy.
219
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,048
Oh, God!
220
00:08:48,049 --> 00:08:49,745
As the face
of Homeland Security,
221
00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:50,791
I'll be leading the way.
222
00:08:53,968 --> 00:08:55,403
And together,
we'll make sure
223
00:08:55,404 --> 00:08:57,537
everyone is in this country
legally.
224
00:08:59,669 --> 00:09:01,844
So let's get out there
and get 'em, recruits.
225
00:09:01,845 --> 00:09:03,673
Together,
we can make it happen.
226
00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:08,590
We hope you enjoyed
the presentation.
227
00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:10,985
Please step through to the
vehicles for your first raid.
228
00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:26,913
Keep your hands and feet
inside the vehicle
229
00:09:26,914 --> 00:09:27,784
at all times.
230
00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:34,964
Lock and load, recruits!
231
00:09:34,965 --> 00:09:36,184
Prepare to raid!
232
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:38,969
Mmm-kay.
233
00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:44,670
Watch as
Eric Cartman shuts down
234
00:09:44,671 --> 00:09:46,149
these woke liberal students.
235
00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:47,064
Oh, my God.
236
00:09:47,369 --> 00:09:48,674
What makes you think
you have the right
237
00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:51,111
to say what I do with my body?
238
00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:52,026
Let me ask you something.
239
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,244
If a pregnant woman is killed
and the baby dies too,
240
00:09:54,245 --> 00:09:56,159
why is the killer charged
with a double homicide?
241
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,945
Well, b--because people
have different beliefs.
242
00:09:58,946 --> 00:10:00,468
It's not about belief.
It's about truth.
243
00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:02,252
Science confirms life
begins at conception.
244
00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:04,124
So, yes, Jeremiah 1:5 says,
before I formed you
245
00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:04,865
in the womb, I knew you.
246
00:10:05,213 --> 00:10:06,082
But it's just morality
that demands
247
00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:07,345
we protect the most vulnerable.
248
00:10:07,519 --> 00:10:09,347
So let me ask you--
when do you think life begins?
249
00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,393
Eric, are you all right
in there?
250
00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:13,177
Yeah, I'm fine, Mom.
251
00:10:13,482 --> 00:10:14,614
I'm just in here
master debating.
252
00:10:15,963 --> 00:10:17,311
Well, Eric, that's enough.
253
00:10:17,312 --> 00:10:18,878
Let's get out of the bathroom.
254
00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:19,662
I can't, Mom.
255
00:10:20,271 --> 00:10:21,446
I'm master debating to these
young college girls.
256
00:10:21,708 --> 00:10:24,187
That's very naughty, Eric.
Stop it.
257
00:10:24,188 --> 00:10:26,015
Mom, I finally got
sponsored by a protein powder,
258
00:10:26,016 --> 00:10:27,888
so I gotta master debate
for a couple more hours.
259
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:29,803
Leviticus 9:1-8.
Leave me alone.
260
00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:38,159
All right, recruits.
This is it.
261
00:10:38,463 --> 00:10:39,550
We're heading to a location
262
00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:41,423
that might be filled
with illegals.
263
00:10:41,597 --> 00:10:43,686
Let's take these
bad hombres down.
264
00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:46,775
Backpack.
265
00:10:46,776 --> 00:10:47,821
Backpack.
266
00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:50,432
Backpack. Backpack.
267
00:10:55,524 --> 00:10:57,133
♪ I'm the map,
I'm the map ♪
268
00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:58,874
♪ I'm the map,
he's the map ♪
269
00:10:58,875 --> 00:10:59,875
♪ He's the map,
I'm the map ♪
270
00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:00,616
Freeze!
271
00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:05,969
Oh, God. Mkay.
272
00:11:08,102 --> 00:11:09,581
We're just here
for questioning.
273
00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:12,279
Cooperate, and nothing bad--
holy shit.
274
00:11:20,549 --> 00:11:22,158
Look,
I'm really sorry about this.
275
00:11:22,159 --> 00:11:24,684
It's just, I got
a monthly nut, you know?
276
00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:26,555
I gotta make my nut.
277
00:11:29,906 --> 00:11:31,647
You did a good job
in there, soldier.
278
00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:34,040
Mkay.
Thank you, Captain.
279
00:11:34,041 --> 00:11:35,868
I know it's tough
doing what's hard,
280
00:11:35,869 --> 00:11:38,219
but we could use more men
like you in the--
281
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:40,655
Whoa, what the fuck?
282
00:11:40,656 --> 00:11:42,179
Your Botox, Ms. Noem.
283
00:11:42,397 --> 00:11:43,702
Oh, yeah.
Fix me up.
284
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:44,529
Fix me up.
285
00:11:48,055 --> 00:11:49,752
Another day doing what's tough.
286
00:11:56,019 --> 00:11:57,498
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
287
00:11:57,499 --> 00:11:59,979
But a body growing inside
a woman's body is not her body.
288
00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:01,372
It's a completely separate
fetus--
289
00:12:03,244 --> 00:12:04,593
Eric, what are you doing?
290
00:12:05,072 --> 00:12:06,290
I'm sorry, mom.
291
00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:09,076
You told me to go to sleep, but
I started masterdebating again.
292
00:12:09,859 --> 00:12:12,209
This is really getting
to be a problem, Eric.
293
00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:13,296
Mom, you don't understand.
294
00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:14,645
I'm getting really good
at this.
295
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:16,256
I have my arguments down
rock solid.
296
00:12:16,257 --> 00:12:17,910
These young college girls
are totally unprepared,
297
00:12:17,911 --> 00:12:20,216
so I can just destroy them
and also edit out all the ones
298
00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:21,479
that actually argue back well.
299
00:12:21,566 --> 00:12:23,045
It just feels so good.
300
00:12:23,046 --> 00:12:24,612
I understand it feels good,
301
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:27,137
but that doesn't mean
you do it all the time.
302
00:12:27,485 --> 00:12:28,660
I'm sorry, Mommy.
303
00:12:28,791 --> 00:12:30,966
Put the computer away
and leave those poor
304
00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:32,533
college girls alone.
305
00:12:32,534 --> 00:12:33,535
OK.
306
00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:35,145
I won't master debate
anymore tonight.
307
00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:38,626
Look, look, you can call it
reproductive rights.
308
00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:40,063
But be honest,
if a baby could speak,
309
00:12:40,150 --> 00:12:41,325
it would fight
for its right to live.
310
00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:42,369
Eric Cartman!
311
00:12:42,370 --> 00:12:42,849
I'm sorry, Mom!
312
00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:48,636
Tom, another protest today,
as thousands turned out
313
00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:51,160
in downtown Denver
to voice their outrage
314
00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:52,597
against the I-C-E.
315
00:12:52,946 --> 00:12:54,991
This is just out of control.
316
00:12:55,252 --> 00:12:57,297
A lot of the people being
targeted in these raids
317
00:12:57,298 --> 00:13:00,474
are kind, hard-working,
deeply faithful people
318
00:13:00,475 --> 00:13:02,085
who care for their families.
319
00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:06,480
I have no doubt that there are
many, many Latinos in heaven.
320
00:13:22,062 --> 00:13:23,585
Oh, this is bad.
321
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:24,455
Mkay?
322
00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:37,380
Remember, only detain
the brown ones.
323
00:13:37,381 --> 00:13:39,034
If it's brown, it goes down.
324
00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:40,080
Jesus, look out!
325
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,307
There's another one
flying over here.
326
00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:52,396
Catch him!
Catch him!
327
00:13:55,095 --> 00:13:56,660
I just need
to ask you some questions,
328
00:13:56,661 --> 00:13:58,272
mkay, make sure you're legal.
329
00:13:58,663 --> 00:14:00,448
How did you get into heaven?
330
00:14:00,752 --> 00:14:03,058
Um, I was really nice
to people,
331
00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:05,060
and I helped various charities.
332
00:14:05,061 --> 00:14:06,627
Look,
I'm really sorry about this,
333
00:14:06,628 --> 00:14:08,499
but I'm just trying
to make my nut.
334
00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:10,197
Mackey, I need a word.
335
00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:13,026
Yes, Captain?
336
00:14:13,461 --> 00:14:15,331
You did another great job
out there, Mackey.
337
00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:16,507
I like your style.
338
00:14:17,204 --> 00:14:18,553
Oh.
Thank you.
339
00:14:18,727 --> 00:14:20,032
The President's
handing out bonuses
340
00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:21,207
to recruits that stand out.
341
00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:22,556
And I'm going to recommend you
342
00:14:22,557 --> 00:14:23,079
for the next set
of bonuses that--
343
00:14:24,559 --> 00:14:24,951
Ah!
344
00:14:26,474 --> 00:14:27,127
Grab it!
345
00:14:30,826 --> 00:14:32,393
No more brownies in heaven.
346
00:14:35,309 --> 00:14:37,440
Hello and welcome
to the third annual
347
00:14:37,441 --> 00:14:40,357
Charlie Kirk Award
for Young Masterdebaters.
348
00:14:42,664 --> 00:14:44,230
More and more
young people today
349
00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:46,058
are learning to fight
for America
350
00:14:46,059 --> 00:14:47,495
through masterdebation.
351
00:14:47,712 --> 00:14:51,151
We're here to honor the recent
efforts of a brave young man
352
00:14:51,542 --> 00:14:53,543
who has been
furiously masterdebating
353
00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:55,981
for the past several days
and has won himself
354
00:14:55,982 --> 00:15:00,115
not only this trophy, but also
an all expenses paid vacation
355
00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:02,248
to a beautiful
five-star resort.
356
00:15:06,253 --> 00:15:08,733
He has proven himself
the true champion.
357
00:15:09,169 --> 00:15:11,170
Please welcome
the best young masterdebater
358
00:15:11,171 --> 00:15:13,608
of our time, Clyde Donovan.
359
00:15:14,739 --> 00:15:15,349
Clyde?
360
00:15:19,875 --> 00:15:21,876
No! That's my trip
to a five-star resort!
361
00:15:21,877 --> 00:15:23,357
Come on, Eric.
Let's go.
362
00:15:24,706 --> 00:15:25,533
Thanks, everyone.
363
00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:28,056
The Civil Rights Act
was a huge mistake.
364
00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:30,929
And, I don't know, lesbians
are an abomination of God.
365
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,671
You all stole my schtick!
366
00:15:34,498 --> 00:15:35,891
Clyde!
367
00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:43,116
OK.
368
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:45,030
We got some
of your pay stubs in.
369
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,771
Let's see
how that nut's looking.
370
00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:51,558
Well, seems you got
some bonuses
371
00:15:51,559 --> 00:15:53,212
for rounding up
the most Mexicans.
372
00:15:53,213 --> 00:15:54,388
Shh.
373
00:15:54,605 --> 00:15:56,868
We don't round up Mexicans, OK?
374
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,959
We just detain foreigners
who might be illegal.
375
00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:00,655
OK.
376
00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:03,787
Well, after taxes
and with your bonuses,
377
00:16:03,788 --> 00:16:06,487
it looks like you've got about
$10 grand a month to spend.
378
00:16:07,053 --> 00:16:09,141
- Oh, I do?
- Yes.
379
00:16:09,142 --> 00:16:11,666
And your nut's up to about
$12 grand a month.
380
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,015
What?
381
00:16:13,146 --> 00:16:15,496
But my nut was only
$8 grand a week ago.
382
00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:17,802
Right.
But you got a good-paying job.
383
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,542
You see,
as you make more money,
384
00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:21,545
your nut actually gets bigger.
385
00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:23,590
How is that possible?
386
00:16:23,591 --> 00:16:24,331
It's all right.
387
00:16:24,853 --> 00:16:25,810
If you can just get
a few more bonuses,
388
00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:27,768
we can refinance the house,
divide that
389
00:16:27,769 --> 00:16:29,813
by the number of Mexicans
you detained, and, of course,
390
00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:32,294
compound any Costa Ricans
you might incur to the--
391
00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:34,994
Freeze!
Nobody move!
392
00:16:37,518 --> 00:16:38,606
Here he is over here.
393
00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:41,261
Come on, Mackey.
Need to talk to you outside.
394
00:16:41,609 --> 00:16:43,263
Talk to me?
About what?
395
00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:45,439
What's this all about?
396
00:16:45,743 --> 00:16:47,440
Congratulations, recruit.
397
00:16:47,441 --> 00:16:49,790
I talked to the president
about your accomplishments,
398
00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:51,880
and he says he wants
to help you with your nut.
399
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:54,100
Really?
He does?
400
00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:55,187
That's right.
401
00:16:55,188 --> 00:16:57,232
We have orders
to get you on a plane.
402
00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:59,235
The President wants
to thank you personally.
403
00:16:59,540 --> 00:17:00,758
Congratulations.
404
00:17:00,845 --> 00:17:02,934
He's invited you to Mar-a-Lago.
405
00:17:03,718 --> 00:17:05,285
Mar-a-Lago?
406
00:17:20,996 --> 00:17:21,823
Oh, wow.
407
00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:37,708
Relax! Take a load off!
408
00:17:38,361 --> 00:17:39,492
Boss, the plane is here
409
00:17:39,493 --> 00:17:41,756
from Immigration
and Customs Enforcement.
410
00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:43,192
I know, stupid.
Let's go.
411
00:17:56,118 --> 00:17:56,987
Hey, buddy.
412
00:17:56,988 --> 00:17:58,816
Welcome to Mar-a-Lago.
413
00:17:59,817 --> 00:18:01,993
Oh, thank you, Mr. President.
414
00:18:02,777 --> 00:18:04,213
What is his fantasy, boss?
415
00:18:04,953 --> 00:18:06,172
Will you get out of here?
416
00:18:07,999 --> 00:18:09,435
Listen, buddy,
I want to offer you
417
00:18:09,436 --> 00:18:10,828
an incredible opportunity.
418
00:18:11,264 --> 00:18:12,612
How would you like to make
more money
419
00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:14,267
than you ever thought possible?
420
00:18:14,702 --> 00:18:17,618
Well, I do have
a pretty huge nut.
421
00:18:17,705 --> 00:18:19,533
Now, that's the kind
of talk I like.
422
00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:21,839
Mar-a-Lago's for everyone
that's got a nut.
423
00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:25,800
I'm giving you a promotion.
424
00:18:26,322 --> 00:18:29,108
You'll have access to all
that Mar-a-Lago has to offer.
425
00:18:29,499 --> 00:18:32,502
I want to make you the new face
of Homeland Security.
426
00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:35,722
But, Mr. President,
I thought Kristi Noem
427
00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:37,419
was the head
of Homeland Security.
428
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:39,726
Well, she was, but her face
freaks me out.
429
00:18:39,727 --> 00:18:40,771
So what do you say?
430
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:44,165
Well, I do need
a high-paying job.
431
00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:45,340
Excellent.
432
00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:47,082
Now, let's take care
of that nut for you.
433
00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:50,781
Hey, Satan.
434
00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:52,783
Meet the new face
of Homeland Security.
435
00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:55,002
Whoa!
Oh, my God.
436
00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:56,090
I just want to go.
437
00:18:56,091 --> 00:18:57,396
This place is gross.
438
00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:59,311
Would you like me
to apply the baby oil
439
00:18:59,312 --> 00:19:01,096
to Satan's asshole, boss?
440
00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:04,447
OK, look, I think there's
been a misunderstanding.
441
00:19:04,795 --> 00:19:07,189
I'm going to take
a little break here.
442
00:19:07,494 --> 00:19:08,668
Hey, come on.
443
00:19:08,669 --> 00:19:09,800
Relax, guy.
444
00:19:15,545 --> 00:19:17,025
Oh, excuse me.
I'm sorry.
445
00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:22,377
Backpack, backpack.
446
00:19:22,378 --> 00:19:23,900
Oh, God, Dora the Explorer.
447
00:19:23,901 --> 00:19:24,772
Excuse me.
448
00:19:31,605 --> 00:19:33,302
Clyde?
449
00:19:34,651 --> 00:19:35,477
Not right now, sir.
450
00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:36,479
I've kind of had enough.
451
00:19:37,698 --> 00:19:41,136
What are you doing here...
young man?
452
00:19:41,615 --> 00:19:43,051
Just trying
to make my nut, sir.
453
00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:44,574
Didn't really want all this.
454
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:49,188
Oh, well, young man...
455
00:19:56,325 --> 00:19:58,936
I kind of know what
you're going through, mkay?
456
00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:02,852
I know we all have
a lot of pressures
457
00:20:02,853 --> 00:20:06,292
and we all want
nice things, mkay, but--
458
00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:10,209
but if you're doing something
you don't really believe in
459
00:20:10,731 --> 00:20:12,428
just to make your nut,
460
00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:16,084
you're going to find
that you just get sadder
461
00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:18,391
and your nut just gets bigger.
462
00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:19,914
Mkay?
463
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:22,656
Yeah.
464
00:20:23,265 --> 00:20:24,179
I guess you're right.
465
00:20:25,615 --> 00:20:28,227
But... who are you?
466
00:20:33,841 --> 00:20:35,581
I'm a goddamn counselor.
467
00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:36,757
That's what I am.
468
00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:39,586
This place isn't right
for either of us.
469
00:20:39,934 --> 00:20:42,197
There's got to be someone
that can help get us out.
470
00:20:55,993 --> 00:20:57,081
All right.
Got him.
471
00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:00,259
Hey, Kristi, what's going on?
472
00:21:00,868 --> 00:21:02,129
Trying to replace me
473
00:21:02,130 --> 00:21:04,219
as the face
of Homeland Security, huh?
474
00:21:04,611 --> 00:21:06,090
Hey, relax, guy.
475
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,092
Who could replace
a face like that?
476
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:10,050
Think I can't handle myself
'cause I'm a lady
477
00:21:10,051 --> 00:21:12,183
with good looks
that drive men wild?
478
00:21:28,330 --> 00:21:30,289
Come on.
We're getting out of here.
479
00:21:31,072 --> 00:21:32,334
You too, come on.
480
00:21:35,555 --> 00:21:36,904
We got it.
We got it.
481
00:21:41,691 --> 00:21:43,345
Another job well done.
482
00:21:43,867 --> 00:21:48,611
♪ Loo loo loo,
loo loo loo loo loo ♪
483
00:21:48,698 --> 00:21:51,745
♪ Loo loo loo, loo loo loo ♪
34887
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian (Nynorsk)
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swedish
Tajik
Tatar
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Uighur
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof