Original subtitles

Thanks for watching!

Here you go, Grandad, just in front of you.

And your health.

Cheers.

Look what just wandered in.

Not like the usual geriatrics you get in here.

Obviously not you, Grandad.

He's scanning the room.

And? And he's clocked those bunch of pillocks on the far table.

He's saying he's got time to kill.

His train's delayed or something.

They've fallen for it. I could have seen that coming a mile off. Speak for

yourself. Sorry.

Has he displayed it yet?

Yeah. Best seats in the house, eh, Grandad? Yeah, man.

There is nothing in this world more satisfying than the sound of the perfect

break.

The sound of inevitability.

I was nine when I first stepped foot into a pool hall.

It's hard to explain the sense of awe I felt when witnessing the quiet reverence

and focus of the professional pool player.

Rows of cool, calm, highly skilled men.

And they were men.

Local legends with colourful handles who played with style, flair and panache.

I wanted nothing more than to be like them.

I'd like to be each and every one of them.

I played 28 games in four straight hours against Charlie Chalk.

Now, you wouldn't have heard of him. That's how he would have wanted it. I

15 at the time.

I felt like a god.

As well as taking Chalk's spot, I took his name too.

I also went home with a healthy wad of cash, around two grand in twenties and

tens to be exact.

It was then I knew I could play anyone,

anywhere, and fill my pocket.

Wake up.

Wake up.

You're dead.

You can see that you're breathing.

Wake up.

You still owe me for them extras.

No wonder you're dead to the world.

Who drinks vodka like that?

It's not natural.

You got a problem, you know that.

And you did owe me powder.

I know you can hear me.

You owe me.

Wake the fuck up!

Right.

I know you've got money.

You were flattering around last night like Johnny Big Bollocks.

Elliot?

Are you some sort of snooker player?

Who?

Me money.

It's in me boot.

Me key fock.

Fockin' sting.

Mel V.

D.

Or the boot.

Niki Batten.

Take it and fog off.

Okay.

Mikey Dex!

You all right, kid?

Don't kid me.

Hey, nice work. You're getting good at this. What do you think you're doing?

Taking me money back.

Do you?

Yeah. The pen's done it.

On what?

On how much of this is mine.

Is that so?

Yeah. Could just not bother asking.

Tell everyone you touched me. Fucking... Keep the money and watch my dad fuck

you in the street.

Your dad'll fuck me in the... Never mind. I believe you. Right. How much?

Sixty. Do I have an handle?

I'm not a fucking mug.

Come on, give it.

Well, that one almost got away.

We might let the next one go.

Look, you owe those kids.

Sixty. Thirty.

Sixty. Four.

Sixty. Fuck it, I'll give it to you.

It's all there.

You've got trust issues.

The only issue I've got is getting fleeced by a Poundland honey boo -boo.

fuck off.

Mama June needs a meth.

Hey.

What do you say?

Nice doing business with you.

That's more like it, I think.

That is a very fitting apron.

Come, Charlie.

Bye, Charlie.

Do you know if any good poor horns around here?

Lad, quit fucking about or you're all out. Fine, dear, lovely, just messing

about. I mean it.

Fine,

all right, you're all out. Right, all right.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

What do you

think about the local

talent?

What?

Your type, is it? Part simian, part man -child.

Honestly? I speak no other language.

It wasn't me.

Too many bad dates for me to figure that out.

Amongst the sweaty ball sacks and stale beer.

Oh, sorry, love. I was taken in by her sparkling repartee.

Same again?

Cheers. OK.

Oi, lads! Quit fucking about or you are all barred permanently!

Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on them.

Oh, thanks, love.

That's a load off.

Sorry.

I finally caught up with you.

What are you doing, mate? I'm cooking a chicken. Do you think I'm a fool?

Why ask?

Mind how you talk to me. What can I do for you, boss lady?

You know me.

I'm not one to fuck.

I leave it to your own devices.

And you know why I do that, Jeff?

Do you know why I do that?

You're what we call a fucking idiot back home.

But now you're an idiot that owes me rent.

Not a problem, boss lady.

Oh, really? When can I expect it, then?

First thing tomorrow afternoon.

Really? Really.

I don't know why I'm getting the feeling you're trying to play me. You think I

don't see you in this dump with the women drinking and all of that, thinking

you're a big man in the liquor house.

Lord, have mercy upon this blood -cloth fool. For him to know the divine love

and compassion you have for dumb people, even like him.

If you do a runner, if you even think of running, see my man, I'm going to find

you. And when I find you, I'm going to chop off your blood, clout, bollocks.

hear me?

Now have a nice day.

Got a bit of time to kill.

My train was delayed. Saw this place and thought a few games of pool would be

ideal.

Ideal.

Right.

So, you guys play for money?

That's fine, that'll be alright.

Yes, fine, thank you.

Uh, just... that... and... a little

vodka, the little cute Russian fella there.

Hey, how many roubles do you want for that?

Do svidaniya!

Sorry.

Come on, lad.

Don't be dicks now.

Just trying to have a friendly game of pool.

Don't mind these Muppets.

It's all right.

So, what do you want to put in?

Tenner again?

20.

20?

Minimum, obviously.

All right, 20.

Come in there, mate.

What's your name again?

Charlie.

I love me a little Charlie.

Hey, Charlie.

I'm Gary.

Pleasure.

Who's that? Is that the missus, Charlie?

You're asking me if anyone knows what's going on?

I mean, I've wiped this room.

No.

It's only been a month's days, right?

Yeah, sure.

Anyone else want to place a bet?

Yeah, I'll go in the area above.

There you have the play, Charlie.

So, 80 from me?

Yep.

This is exciting, isn't it?

160.

Say it turns in the pot.

If I want 20 up this side of Ireland, and if you get lucky today...

I think that's enough talk, don't you?

Beautiful. Like a brick.

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.

Oh, Nightmare Charlie.

You mean for a friendly game you ended up getting from the bank?

Don't worry, Charlie.

We'll be over soon.

Things when you're spectating in a game that you really should be playing.

Well

played.

Hope you learned something today, Charlie.

I certainly did.

Go again You want to go again?

Yeah, I think I can do better next time you fuck all the first time Yeah,

and I cleared the whole table. You just stood there and watch exactly so I think

I could do better Double or nothing I'm

actually enjoying your company Come on Gary

I'm good for a few more games. Unless, of course, you don't have the 40 quid

each to see me. We can call it quits.

I mean, minimum stakes.

Isn't that right, Gary?

So, let me get this right.

That's 320 in total.

If I lose, you're each £40 up.

If I win, I'm £160 up on the bet. Is that right?

I think that's right.

I've never done anything like this before.

Really?

You hold on to my money bubble.

I don't want to have to come after you now, do I?

One of you gents grab me a drink from the bar.

Yeah, sure.

What do you want? What are you doing?

Getting him a drink?

I'll have a large glass of Sauvignon Blanc, if they have it, with a single

cube. Gary?

Good.

Bunch of muppet.

I can see that.

It's alright.

I think that's enough short, don't you?

Take your choice. Can I just stop you right there, Gary?

What?

Nothing.

I just wanted you to stop.

What a nightmare.

Gary, Gary, Gary.

Thing, doesn't it?

Where do you come from? Done.

Yeah, you can take that.

Still working on me brew.

You.

Turty pig.

Not wrong.

Bacon's shit, you know.

Absolutely macabre of what we're going to do.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Come on, Gary, man, what the fuck? What the fuck, bro? I don't know.

You didn't even hit a single ball. Come on, man, do something about it, bro.

What the fuck?

Right, I'm off.

Make sure you take the bins out before you lock up. Got that?

Mm -hmm. Got that?

Yeah. Repeat.

Right, I'm off. Make sure the bins are taken out before you lock up. Look at

that.

Slut ass.

Good luck.

Gary, that money was my mum's.

Want to go again?

What the fuck was that?

That was me, clearing the table with you while you watched.

Pretty sure you catch a train before you miss it altogether, mate.

Don't worry about that, I've got loads of time.

Look, one more game.

Winner takes all.

Yours?

There's only one way to find out.

Your fuck.

Thought he should have got a train home.

He had to push a lot.

I wouldn't do that, fuck. Bubble, knock him out if he makes any more noise.

Careful now, Bubble.

Right, I'm going to stick that phone right up your ass.

Answer it.

I guess I'll call back later.

Take your fucking shot.

Put the money on the table there, Bubba. There's a good lad.

Dankeschön, mein Bruder.

Bottom left pocket.

Large whiskey.

Ice.

No wine?

Oh, God, no. I can't stand the stuff.

I think we just got played, you know.

You think?

I'm no gynecologist, but I know a twat wanna see one.

I thought he was nice.

Shut up, man.

Huh?

I think you... What you think is going to happen and what actually is going to

happen are two vastly different things. Let me finish!

Now you can try your luck with me and end up getting hurt, and believe me, it

will hurt.

So turn around, walk out that door, while you, that slab of meat you call a

head, are still firmly fixed to the rest of you.

Comprende?

Well, fuck off then.

Is there something you want to say?

I watch you play.

And?

And there is no gambling here.

Gambling? Yeah.

Are you asking me to leave?

It's okay. I don't like them anyway.

They are... balanced.

Like I said, I don't gamble.

Look, you don't happen to know a guy who comes in here calling himself Mr...

Yeah, why the fuck are you fucking paying me, my friend?

You're right, it is all about being confident, isn't it?

What about him?

Who? This crappy guy.

Carry on.

I'm telling you, I'm just as surprised as you are, pal. Honestly.

Oh, right.

Does anyone else want to get fucked?

That ain't no your fault, Tom. Come on.

All right.

Yes,

please, love.

Seems to be having an impressive winning streak out there.

The balls just seem to want to go home. It's my lucky day. What can I say?

Sure.

I'm Charlie.

Jack.

Let me get this.

Nice one.

Cider and black, please, love.

It's a beautiful language.

Our friendly bartender here tells me there's a zero tolerance on gambling.

Yep. She also tells me there's a zero tolerance on bellends, too.

Which one are you, Jack?

I don't know.

Me? I'm a proper bellend.

Cheers.

One thing you are is a good pool player.

I'm lucky.

It's just luck.

If you say so.

Up the bum, no babies.

Same again, please, love.

Anna. And a packet of crisps as well.

Oh, wait.

Are you just going to watch him?

Like that.

Four grand there.

Why?

I'm going to buy our new friend a strong drink every 10 to 15 minutes until he

can barely stand.

He's already drunk.

I'm going to be drinking also. Just make sure mine are non -alcoholic.

Okay. So, what's this for?

That's the money you're going to lend me later when I'm broke and desperate.

Oh.

Okay.

It breaks my heart to do this, lad.

Hey, next time you're down, you feel free to gang up on poor old Jack.

Fancy a game?

Fancy? A game?

I was just about to fuck off home, mate.

You've played everyone else here. Now you want to leave?

What about me?

What about you?

Why don't you play me?

Do you even play pool?

I'm here all night.

Right. How about a little cash incentive? Make it interesting.

I thought you might say that.

I think I need a drink first.

Want one?

Tequila.

Vodka. You bang on, pal.

And I play glove.

Oh, make it a screwdriver.

A screwdriver?

It's vitamin C. It's good for you, isn't it?

Of course.

To the Queen.

RuPaul. Congratulations, everyone.

Good night.

Lookie dang.

What will you perceive when this lucky streak of yours ends?

To be fair, you'll probably write me on the next one.

In days.

I've... I've... I've realized I'm fucking...

I'd love to play another game, but you've done me for two grand already.

You're going to have to call it a day.

It's a shame.

And it's World Cup.

Well, we'll have to call it a day anyway.

You couldn't lend us some cash, could you?

How much?

Three grand should do it.

I mean, we can't win forever, can we?

Hmm.

Okay.

You've been an absolute sport.

Oh, mate, it's my pleasure.

What the hell?

I'm going to put it all in.

All on the line, last game.

Three grand. What do you say?

All in.

One for the road?

Rum.

A gentleman would like a rum.

Captain Jack.

He's too drunk.

That's the whole point.

One, two, three, four, come on baby, say you love me.

Sorry

Jack,

but I'm afraid this could be the end of your lucky streak.

He's stubborn.

Quick!

Time to go.

I'm gone.

Have I lost?

That's it.

What?

Jack, I never want to see you here again.

Before I pass across, you make your excuses and leave.

Listen to me!

You can't be hustling here anymore.

You alright getting home?

I'm good.

Sure?

I'm good!

Hibs and Spice. Crisp.

On air.

There's a monkey there. Can you earn that?

Here, bit.

What? You earned that. Couldn't have done it without you.

No, it doesn't seem right.

Think of it as the money you've lost from the punters you hustled out the

Yeah, but he didn't beat them by getting them drunk.

It's choice.

Maybe he was too good for you to be sober.

If you were a nice guy, you would make sure he got in a taxi.

How you doing, mate?

You can fuck off, mate.

I came out here to see if you're alright.

And?

I don't think you're all right.

And whose fault's that?

Well, it certainly weren't mine.

You like a drink, don't you?

You fucking conned me.

The only thing I know is that you were too drunk to win.

And you're sober than none. How convenient.

The oldest trick in the book, and I fucking fell for it.

I hope you learned a lesson from me.

I learned not to trust smarmy twats like you.

What do you mean, like you, exactly?

All right, mate.

Play me sober and see what happens. I've never lost a game.

Never, ever, ever.

Come on.

Ever.

Where do you live?

Ever. I'll pay for your cab home.

Oh, what, with my fucking money?

Well, fine, if you don't want my help. I don't want your help. What I do want is

to fight you.

Come on.

I'll have a fight and then we'll see who the fucking Johnny Big Bollocks is,

won't we? You're drunk. It'll be unfair.

Oh, now you're worried about unfair.

You can fuck. You need to go home and sleep it off.

You need to find me. You find me, brat.

I'm going to stop you right there.

You broke my fucking nose.

You're lucky that's not all I broke.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Charlie. I didn't mean to call you a... Jack!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Jesus.

Yeah, it's me.

Put the kettle on.

Black. No sugar.

Nice pad.

No, it's not.

It's a chateau.

Yeah, you're right.

It is a chateau.

How you feeling?

How do you know where I live?

You obviously don't remember, but I put you in a cab last night after our little

rumble.

It's a 20 there, mate.

So what's the story?

What?

What happened here?

I may have had a bit of a wobble.

I was chatting with your landlady earlier.

What? The Pink Panther. Is she here? Nice woman, actually.

We were chatting about what you owe her.

Yeah, well, she'd have been paid if you hadn't have fought me over.

I paid her.

You paid her?

I paid her the money you owe her.

You're welcome.

That should cover everything my brother owes you. Thank you for being so patient

and understanding.

Jack is always going on and on at church about what a wonderful landlady you

are. Church?

My big bro has helped me through some... some dark times.

Jack is the one who helps show me the light.

You terrible rabbit.

Can I just say, that is a smashing gilet.

I don't like the sound of this.

What's not to like?

That now I'm in your fucking pocket. The only thing you're now in is the clear.

Again, you're welcome.

That's that Tommy Scharf behind you.

Tap.

Right. Do you want us to do a run?

As a team, and hustle.

For the millionth time, yes.

As a team? Yes.

Me and you?

Yes. We need to go to you, then we stray.

Yes. After anything we win, we split 50 -50. But we need each other to make this

work.

And you're not going to try and slip me the old stiff one -eye, are you? I don't

even know what that means.

What makes you think I need you?

You are one of the best pool players I have ever seen.

For your liability.

Bit harsh, innit? Fair.

You need a wingman to help keep you focused.

So there'll be no excessive drinking, no women and no drugs.

Tons of fun you, aren't you?

Do you want to pay me back?

No, not really. I didn't ask you to pay me debts off, did I?

True.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

You all right, love?

She clearly loves me. She's just too shy to say.

Sure. I'll never understand women.

I find that half a belief.

I could just tell you to fuck off. Yeah, you could.

Could. Do it.

And see what happens.

How will that happen?

You don't want to find out.

You've got fuck all.

But you know what?

I'm in. This might be good for me.

Why didn't you just ask for my help?

Would you have helped if I did?

Fuck no.

Have you got any tiramisu?

No.

Gasol? No.

Frem brulee?

No.

See, well it's me.

Fancy a drink?

No.

Hello? Who's this?

Hello, Emily.

That's a very nice name.

Is your mummy there?

No, what's she doing?

No, I'm her friend.

Are you having a nice day? What have you been doing?

Oh, that's... Yeah.

Can you do me a favour, darling?

Can you tell your mummy?

Daddy misses her and you very much.

And he's going to come and see you soon.

Yeah.

What are you going to tell your mummy, darling?

That's a good girl.

All right, darling?

Yeah.

All right.

Done? Yeah, we're done.

Here, give us a sip.

The fuck?

I need you with a clear head. That was my last can. Good.

That's bang out of order. The last time you drank, I did you for every penny.

Remember? Yeah, and it would remember it was you that got me drunk.

Yeah, and I remember how easy it was.

Look, I need you straight and focused.

Apparently, you've never been beat, but all I see is an alcoholic loser.

Are we going to fight again, Jack?

Chop, chop.

Hang on.

Why do you use my phone?

Not any pimps, drug dealers and traps use phone, but... Oh, yeah.

Makes sense.

There are some things I'd like to keep personal.

Sounds like you don't trust me. I don't.

Do you even have a phone?

No credit.

It's got snake on it, though, and the battery lasts for days.

Okay, so first stop, Paul.

Oh, that kind of gaff.

If your kind of gaff is drinking piss -warm lager with hateful racist

then this place is definitely for you.

Right. Well, why are we here?

I'm not going to fit in, and you're... I'm, you know, thingy.

Thingy?

Yes, Jack, I'm thingy. But I prefer mixed race or biracial.

Yeah. Ask us.

Are you from the past or something?

Before we do this, I need to go through how this plays out.

If we go in there with the same old game, and we put a foot wrong, we're

fucked. Why do it? Why this shit hole?

Because, as you so elegantly put it, me being thingy would serve us very well in

a place like this.

With the hustle I've got planned.

We both need to be on the same page.

Okay.

I need you to go in first and play the drum.

I'm sure it won't be a stretch.

It's a role you were born to play.

Rude.

It's important you make your presence known by everybody there.

All right, lad?

Good evening, Sam.

All right.

You think you've got enough flak?

Meg, should you even be in here?

Well, I'm glad to drink you over that.

Lager?

Oh, that was delicious.

I'll try one.

Get comfortable tableside and start to make friends.

You don't mind, do you, lad?

Hi, mate.

What's your name?

Uh, Gary.

I'm a Gary as well.

That's a Gary.

So's he.

And that's another one there. But we call him Gaz.

He's a dickhead.

I suppose it gets a bit confusing otherwise.

Why would it be confusing?

No, I just meant, like, because, um, if you... Just fucking with you.

I knew that.

I need you to flash a healthy stack of cash.

Let them know you've got money and it's burning a hole in your pocket.

Fuck me, you knock somebody out with that.

I'll stay out in the car for about an hour.

That should give you enough time to get acquainted with the locals.

Ingratiate yourself with everyone.

Dinero.

Eating a banana.

Be good enough to stand out as a competent player.

All right, get your money out then.

20 quid, 20 quid.

Yeah, all right, 20 quid. Win a few games, but be drunk enough to lose some

well.

Oh, come on!

I'm going to turn it down on this one.

Remember, you're playing drunk. I need you sober.

No going method.

I may have to try a little bit harder to get in, but I'll be right behind you.

I'll keep myself to myself and camp at the bar.

That's why I'm lying, mate.

Cheers.

What the fuck are you looking at?

Yeah, can I help you, mate?

Do your best to stir up a bit of animosity, my way.

Shouldn't be too difficult.

I'll pipe up with a few comments on your game to put you on.

Iron that grip.

Tap it, don't smack it.

You want a shot of the forecourt?

I'm just saying.

I need to work on that bridge.

Holding that cue like a crooked dick.

Miss a few shots and blame it on me.

This is when you take umbrage to my advice.

What? You think you can do better? Especially from someone who's thingy

Bye, Rachel. Well done.

All right.

You'll have the room on your side, which is exactly where we want them.

Right, lads. You pay your money, you take your fucking chances. Get this in

now. Anyone wants to wake up covered in piss, put £20 in my hand right now.

Here's Gary's. I'll make sure I've got Gary's in there.

Tickets to Orton Towers. £20 each. Come on, get them in, lads. Only a game, so

you better believe I'm right.

I'm going to be fucking snookering you tonight.

Big break.

That's all I've got.

Oh, don't worry, mate.

It'll all be over soon, and then you can fuck off.

However we play this, we make it look tight and it looks legit.

Come on. Come on.

Get that.

Get that.

Oh, here we go.

And the winner is... Gary.

Come on, Gary.

Come on. Yes, we fucking go. Come on, come on. Come on, come on. Come on.

Remember, you're losing to win. Make sure I take the call.

Make it look like you're going to win.

leave me a small window so I can claw back a surprise win.

Once

I

have the cash, depending

on the mood, stay for a while.

An hour or so.

And then leave quietly.

Got it?

Got it.

Cool.

Good. Let's do this.

Well, go on then. Me first, yeah.

Lager. What the fuck are you looking at? You think you can do better?

All right. 20 pounds. My arm right now. Big brain. It'll all be over soon.

Pleasure. Yeah.

Captain! Thank

you

very much, my mate. Thanks a lot. Keep the change, mate.

Hot breakfast.

What's up with you?

Are you still pissed off?

You didn't listen.

Yeah, I also managed to double our money within an hour of you leaving. It was

dead easy.

I played and I won. What's wrong with that?

You can never go back there now.

But why do you want to?

To play out another hustle. Fuck me, you're stupid.

You know, keep the hustle going, make more money, but no, you had to burn them

bridges, didn't you?

Word gets out on any of them fuckers recognised as well.

That's another hustle down the drain, ain't it?

What the fuck is that?

Coffee. I asked for tea.

No sugar.

I'm not even sure that is coffee.

I'll be riding shotgun, carrying a shotgun.

Yes, I've got a shotgun.

Shotgun, shotgun, shotgun.

Nothing like a shotgun in your pocket.

Shotgun.

Shotgun. Can you...

It's your gun.

Sing along, Charlie.

Who do you think could win in a fight? Jackie Chan on coke or Gary Boosie on

bath salts?

Oh, come on, mate. You can't keep giving it the silent treatment every time you

throw your toys out the trap.

What? I'm sorry about what happened back there. I'm sorry that I fucked up. I

was trying to make you happy and, like, just show you that I would rinse those

racist pricks for everything they had.

Okay. I mean it, man. They were fucking out of order in there. It was horrible

the way they treated you. It was out of order.

Jack, what happened?

What? Have you grown up and ended up living in a caravan?

Static home.

There's nothing wrong with that.

Oh, there isn't, Jack. But I've seen that petri dish you lovingly call a

What happened, mate?

I found poo, and I was good at it. And then I found drinks and drugs and women.

I fucking hate poo now.

The horrible thing is, it's the only thing I'm good at.

You?

I think Gary Booth, you'd take it, you know.

Sick.

I'll be right, son.

Just Gary ain't a son.

Yes, I've got this. Of course.

Of course.

Charlie.

That's not your real name, is it?

What are you saying?

Charlie's a white guy's name, man.

Oh, it was.

I fucking

knew it.

You're Charlie Chalk. Fuck, I'm hustling with Charlie Chalk.

The second.

Oh, I bet he fucking hated getting beat by you, you know, cos you're thingy,

biracial. And he was one step away from sporting a white pointy hat. Oh!

It was humiliated by a 15 -year -old.

I took control after that. No -one could beat me.

I've just been chasing Doom ever since.

You what?

Doom.

Mr. Doom.

Doom?

No.

You've been playing Paul all your life. You've never heard Doom mentioned once.

I find that hard to believe.

You know, the ghost every bar raconteur claims to have played?

As soon as you're Paul, he's out the door?

Seriously, nothing.

I don't know what you're talking about, mate.

The story's always the same.

It can't be beat.

You clear the table quicker than you can chalk your cue.

This stick he carries in a silver bespoke case.

Nothing special or fancy. Just a simple, cheap pool cue.

Well?

For your lucky day.

I'll have a pint.

Well, you know, six o 'clock.

Get into character.

Yeah, I love

Fucking

What's tonight's play?

Tonight's hustle is nice and loose.

Improvise. Do what you think's best.

You are.

End of the line.

We're straight.

I've got the money.

We can relax and have fun.

So, we're straight?

We're straight.

And now you've got everything you need.

That's it, is it?

Correct. Tonight is our last hustle.

Fuck off. I was just getting warmed up. I've got nothing at all to show for

these past two weeks. You're set free, aren't you?

Can I only imagine a little healthier too, thanks to me.

I'm going for a piss.

Unbelievable.

I'm going for a piss. Unbelievable.

Healthier. I don't feel healthier.

Okay, big fella there.

I'm telling you, he used me to make money.

It's extra.

Do you want to use me mouth?

He paid off all me debts without even asking.

Can you believe that?

That sounds alright.

Does it?

I wish somebody would do that for me.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. But the only reason he wanted me clean and me shit together is

could use me to pay off his debts.

Fuck. Fuck me. Let me get this right. So this Charlie guy paid off your debts?

Yeah. Asked you to play pool with him to pay him back? Yeah. And in return

helped you make enough money to pay off his debts? Right.

While helping you get clean?

Exactly.

I fail to see what the problem is.

Yeah, but he's sneaky, innit?

You're the one who ran off with his money to pay for a handjob in car park.

Yeah, I know, but... I think you're a bit confused, love.

Oh, fuck.

You're right.

What have I done?

Oh, I need to find him.

God, yeah.

Nailed. Nailed!

We are closed.

No table.

I said we are... Oh, hello.

You actually tried to help him?

I knew you were a nice guy.

Yeah, I'm gonna get my hands on more of this own knife.

That was messy.

No! Hold still!

No! Stop!

There are new tables!

How can I make your money if I have no fingers? I need my fingers.

I have been ringing and ringing and you've ghosted me for weeks now.

Charlie?

What's going on?

Please tell me that's my money in that bag. Your money? Well, it is a bum bag

full of money that I did steal from him. Sorry. See? He has your money. No need

to break my fingers. Hey, whoa, big man!

I'm not pissing about.

To be fair, you are. If you were going to do something, you'd have fucking done

it by now. Is this the fuck -up? Yeah, that's him.

What's Dick Fiore doing here? I'm Gary. Gary? Seriously? Why the fuck is

everyone called Gary?

Is he for real?

I'm afraid so.

Look, it's nearly all there. Full disclosure, I did use a bit of money to

handjob off a prostitute.

What?

Sex worker.

I'm not proud, and if it's any consolation, I didn't enjoy it, and I'm

sore down there now.

Disgusting. I'm a weak man and I need help, all right? Just give him the

Why? We earned it. No, I earned it. Do you mean you earned it?

Charlie and I had a good little hustle going a few years back. We did

and we cleaned up.

Then this prick disappears along with the money that I helped him make.

Left me in a similar situation as you're in now, didn't you?

pinned to a table and threatened with a pool cue. Except I wasn't just

threatened. I had the foot end shoved in my face and I lost the sight in one of

my eyes. Didn't know that, did you?

It's a bit of a dick move, isn't it?

It's not the first time either. Turns out he owes money all over. So I found

out, everybody, that you fucked over all except one guy who killed himself.

Left his family in a real mess.

Like you give a shit.

So I cleared the debt. I cleared all the debt.

Why? Why?

Because it's the right thing to do.

And he's in my pocket now.

Well, didn't I trip from you, didn't I?

So now he owes me 100k plus interest, and that 40k is the first down payment.

All right.

Here's your money.

I could say it's all there, minus a bit of fun.

I'm giving you two weeks to get the rest together.

And if you don't, I'm back and I'm breaking fingers.

Oh, do you know, it seemed really nice and he had to go and spoil it. It's a

shame. Er, one last thing, Gabrielle. Gaz?

Big Gaz, I told you my name.

Whatever. Listen, I'm happy to take on Charlie's debt. No, come on, Jack.

Caps lock off you. It's not your fucking time to talk.

Why? Play me nine games of nine ball, double or nothing.

If you win, I'll give you another 40 plus take on Charlie's debt. You come to

for the other 60 grand.

OK, and if you win?

You give us that 40 that you're holding and the rest of the debt could have

settled. I don't know. Don't sound like wonky odds to me.

I've known Charlie long enough to know he wouldn't back a lame arse, which

you a thoroughbred. A thoroughbred who's very handy with a pool cue when you're

not using it to break fucking fingers.

How is your debt perception on that? Are you rich?

You don't look rich to me. You look broke as fuck.

I can get 40 together.

When and where?

Here, tomorrow, after hours.

Oh.

Oh, really?

Er, there's five grand in it for you if I win.

OK.

Who are you?

Doom.

What?

You can call me Mr Doom.

Whatever. See you tomorrow, Dr Doom.

No, it's Mr... Oh, for fuck's... What?

I can't be... I can't believe you actually came back. What were you

Were you even thinking?

I was thinking that no one's looked after me the way you have in a long

made me want to sort myself out. I was thinking I should track you down,

apologise and thank you.

Oh. And then I found out you're a fucking con man.

Hang on.

I was the one pinned down to a table, inches away from having his fingers

because you ran off with my money to get a handjob from a hooker.

Sex worker.

Sex worker. It doesn't matter.

And then you just stood there and made things worse.

Oh, yeah, it really looked like you had an handle on the situation.

I took one for the team.

We're not a team. I came back with the money and got you off the hook. You're

welcome. Get this through your thick skull.

We are not a team.

Fine, I'm better solo anyway.

Is your Mr. Doom?

Yeah, that's right.

Well, you are is a deluded fuck -up.

Do you know what? Until recently, I'd have agreed with you. But I just found

you're more of a fuck -up than I could ever be.

Excuse me.

You owe large amounts of money to multiple people that you've conned and

advantage of, some of which have even taken their own fucking lives, from

I see nowhere to remorse from you, by the way.

Please, don't hold back. Say how you feel.

You go from place to place like a black Michael Landon, but instead of helping

people, you systematically break them down. The only interesting thing about

is that you're chasing some mythical pool player that you hope to beat one

Hi, by the way.

You finished?

Above all, you treat everyone else as if they're beneath you, when really you're

just as messed up as everyone.

You're a sad, misguided, lonely individual.

The only thing decent in your life is a fucking pub game.

At least I know who I am. Oh, I know who you are.

Thanks for the coffee, Anna, love.

That's OK, Jack.

What are you going to do if you lose?

Well, I suppose we're going to have to start hustling again until the debt's

paid off.

You're in my pocket now.

Follow your dirt, Charlie boy.

Right, I'd better go and get my beauty sleep before my date with Estelle Lopez,

an't I?

I'll see you later.

All right, love, don't be chasing waterfalls.

What's he on about?

Bit quieter, innit?

Rules are simple. Best of nine rounds of fastball.

Now, gents, remember, you've got no more than 30 seconds to make your shot. Got

it? Got it.

Good. We lag for the first two breaks. Winner stays on, breaks.

Go to a deciding game, we lag again.

Okay?

Okay.

Off you go, gents.

Gas breaks.

It's a flood, bro.

Golden break.

First game to gas.

Shit. You're going to regret today for a long time, Dr. Doom.

Mr. Doom.

Whatever,

bro. Or more like this, and he wins.

Yeah, cheers for that, Charlie. I'd be lost without you, mate.

Jack breaks.

Ruck them up.

Second round goes to... Boom.

This is it.

May the best man win.

I know you haven't got the money for this game. Fucking look at you.

But I know you can make me money with interest.

Looks like I'll have both of you in my pocket soon.

Must be a lot of room in that bum bag.

My break.

Are you going to break or what?

Look, just a thought.

How about I give you the 40 grand?

We call it a day and we just forget about the debt.

Are you joking?

No. Charlie, do I joke?

Um, well... No.

I don't. I'm a very serious man.

You're scared.

I'm giving you a way out. A way out?

If I win, you lose everything.

And I'm guessing you need this money to cover the debt that our good pal Charlie

got you into.

I knew there'd be some kind of hustle.

There's no hustle. I'm pausing for a second to give you a way... A way out,

yeah. I urge you.

Surely this is longer than 30 seconds.

I think he has a point there. Listen, you need this well more than I do. It's

really admirable that you cleared those debts, man.

Yeah. But you're forgetting one very important thing. Yeah, and what's that?

I couldn't give a fuck.

Last chance, big man.

Play the game.

I sure can't.

Are you sure? You can walk away with the 40 grand now. Play the game.

A man can either be good at pool or good at sex.

There's no in -between.

Thank you, Phil.

Golden rake. Mr. Doom wins.

It's just a... You know.

No, I know.

I can go round the block again if you want.

I think six times is enough, you know.

This is the one.

I'm here for you, mate.

Thanks, man.

I really need to know...

Are you down?

You might want to let that one go, mate.

Okay.

I just want to, um... Thank you for... It's all good.

All good. Go.

I meant to ask you.

What?

What's your real name?

Richard.

Richard Bott.

We'll stick with Charlie, eh?

Wish me luck, Vic.

Don't sit around, you're going to put it on your waistline.

Don't stand alone in these strangest of times.

There's no explaining the things that might happen.

There's now a new home for technology in fashion.

She heard it from someone in Hong Kong who read it on a screen in Beijing. It

was posted on a site in Seattle.

And me, I read it on the back of a cigarette packet and it said...

They're taking me way high.

I like it when we know sugar.

When I'm out on the highway.

She said she was looking for a basic

introduction and that creation is an anagram of reaction.

Said she was a user IBM out of South Africa.

I was a receiver in a cafe bar in Manchester.

I replied that boredom is an anagram of bedroom and that it's so good to see

kids on the streets again. The only people I don't wish to meet are singing

the pigeons in Senile Street and that, yes, this is a new revolution.

Revolution.

They say give me way high, but that could buy me no sugar.

The man on the Mac in Macedonia hits on the girl with the fully loaded PC in DC.

This is definitely a new revolution.

I guess I'll just scoot along to Dry or Atlas or Dukes of 92.

Open up a new website and maybe call it... Mr. Moon, play that tune.

Groovy, Mama.

Groovy.

This is definitely a new era, I'm sure.

Seriously, why the fuck is everyone called Garry?