All language subtitles for Mickey.Blue.Eyes.1999.iNTERNAL.1080p.WEB-DL.DD.5.1.H.264-English

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¶ i don't know why i love you ¶

¶ but i do ¶

¶ i don't know why i cry so ¶

¶ but i do ¶

¶ i only know i'm lonely ¶

¶ and that i want you only ¶

¶ i don't know why i love you ¶

¶ but i do ¶

¶ i can't sleep nights ¶

¶ because i feel so restless ¶

¶ i don't know what to do ¶

¶ i feel so helpless ¶

¶ and since you've been away ¶

¶ i cry both night and day ¶

¶ i don't know why i love you ¶

¶ but i do ¶

¶ my days have been so lonely ¶

¶ my nights have been so blue ¶

¶ i don't know how i stand it ¶

¶ but i do ¶

Michael: $2,000. Gentleman
in the striped tie over there.

$3,000, yvonne on the telephone.

4,000, 5,000, 6,000,

7,000, 8,000.

Against the telephone at $8,000.

Against the room at $8,000.

Anyone can join in.

Thank you. $9,000, 10,000,

11,000, 12,000.

Any more?

She's still talking,

But now she's got
her mum on the line.

So sold to you, sir,
for $12,000.

You are bidder number 909.

Moving on.
Lot number 84.

Oil on canvas, dated 1870.

La femme chez aube,
which translates as--

Um...

Uh, woman with massive bottom.

This one is signed
by rudolph waldemar,

Authenticated by no less
than dr. Briskind,

And bidding up here at $14,000.

Thank you. 15 at the back.

16, lady left
of center aisle.

17, 18,

19,

20, 21,

22,

23,

No more?

All through.

All done.

And--yes, thank you, sir.

New bidder.

Gentleman on the left
of the aisle. $24,000.

Not really.
It's a cruel joke.

Sold to you, sir, for $23,000,

Or $11,500 per buttock.

Lot number 85.

German school.
Od und kleer das meer.

Right.

Well, this is very embarrassing,
ladies and gentlemen.

It now turns out that lot 85

Through to the end of your
catalog are, in fact,

Not actually here.

Um, delivery problem.

If it's any consolation,
we feel

As stupid
as i'm sure we look.

Thank you very much.

It's a nightmare.
We are a laughingstock.

I'm a laughingstock.

They just
showed up.

The trucks?
Oh, lovely. Yeah.

Just in time for the end
of the auction.

Will you remind me
to thank them?

Helen, everything's
fixed for tonight, yeah?

Yes.

Great. The reservation,
flowers, all that stuff?

Yes. All taken care of.

Brilliant. Thank you
so much. Thanks.

Um, listen,
you don't think...

3 months is too
soon, do you?

I haven't even met
her family yet.

What do you think,
as a woman?

As a woman?
Yeah.

Very risky.

Right. Well, thanks.

That made me feel
a lot better.

All right, so let me
get this straight.

You've brought me

Just under half
the paintings,

Just over
2 weeks late

For the fifth time
this year.

You gonna sign,
or do we take it all back?

That's it, is it?

That's your response
to this?

All right, guys,
load it up.

Man: Load 'em up.

I'll sign. Lovely.

Thank you so much.
You've been a huge help.

Note. Call
better business bureau.

[laughing]

Other note.
Seek lost testicles.

Michael.
Need a lift.

Oh, philip.

It's very nice
of you, no.

I'm actually gonna pick
up gina from her school.

That's fine.

We're going that way.
Hop in.

Now, then, do you know
mr. Morganson?

Michael felgate.

Oh, yeah.
Very nice to meet you.

We're very excited that you
might be thinking of us

For your father's
collection. Yes.

Mr. Morganson
was at today's sale.

Ah, well, not typical,

If i may say so,
but, uh...

Having said that,
i think every auction house

In new york has these little
delivery hiccups sometimes.

Sotheby's
doesn't seem to.

Right.

[dean martin singing on an
evening in roma in italian.

Michael,
i heard about tonight.

Best of luck.

Thanks.

¶ down each avenue or via ¶

¶ street or strada ¶

¶ you can see 'em
disappearing 2 by 2 ¶

¶ on an evening in roma ¶

¶ do they take 'em
for espresso? ¶

¶ yeah, i guess so ¶

Man: Ok, show me
that again.

¶ on each lover's arm a girl ¶

¶ i wish i knew ¶

Students: Whoo!

Woman: Go, girl!

Hi.

Hi.

So, where are we going?

I am unable to tell you,

But i will tell you
it's somewhere special.

Good-bye.

Students: Bye!

Bye, miss vitale.

Michael:
And we're late. Run.

¶ so meet me in the plaza ¶

¶ near your casa ¶

¶ i am only one,
and one is much too few ¶

¶ on an evening in roma ¶

Please, don't.

What? Don't what?

Just stop.

Just stop. Otherwise
i can't go on.

Just run normally.

I am running normally.

Oh, oh, right,
i'm sorry.

I thought--
you know--

Well, i guess i haven't
seen you run before,

And i thought you were
doing a funny run.

A funny run?

That's my run.

What time is it?

Uh, we're now
25 minutes late.

We'll have lost
our reservation.

What do you think?

I can't think.
I'm much too hurt about my run.

We'll go somewhere else,
and, um, let's walk.

[gong]

Michael: Thanks.

Are you ok?

You look a little fishy.

No, i'm fine.

So, look,
how was last night?

Fine. The usual.

Your dad ok?

Yeah, he's great.

Michael.

I'm sorry.

I want you to meet him
and ritchie. It's just--

I know.
You're ashamed of me.

I talk funny.

My hair's
unusually fluffy.

Just give me time.

Well, at least tell me

What his restaurant's
called.

Then i could sneak in
in a beard or something.

It's called
the la trattoria.

You mean la trattoria.

Mmm, no.

"the la trattoria"

Means "the the
trattoria."

I know.

Interesting.

Well, look, i've got to
go to the the bathroom,

And i'll be back
in a sec.

Hi.

I was wondering if you
could help me out

With a special arrangement.

I've got this fortune,
and i wondered

If you could stick it in one
of your fortune cookies.

Thank you.

Welcome.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Welcome.

Uh...

I think she wants you
to pay now.

No.

You eat cookie.

No, it's...

Looks like we better
eat our cookies.

Uh...

"you like
chinese food."

Well, that's spooky.

You gonna check yours?

Oh, no, i'm gonna
save it for later.

Eat cookie.

I'm sure she will
when she's ready.

No. You have it.

No. You eat cookie.

I don't want to.

[man shouts in chinese]

[shouts in chinese]

Eat cookie!

No, i'm not hungry.

I think the best thing
is to play along.

I don't feel like taking
orders from a waitress.

Not waitress, owner!

Eat fuckin' cookie!

This woman is insane.

Gina, do you
love me?

Yeah.
Do you trust me?

Yeah.

Then eat the cookie.

"good fences make
good neighbors." hmm?

Oh, my god, jeffrey!

Oh, uh, yes!

The answer is yes!

What?

Excuse me.

Jeffrey: What are
you talking about?

I am so sorry.
There's been a mistake.

That's actually
your one.

It's quite true, too.

This is what
you're meant to have.

And, um...

And this.

Ta-da.

Oh, my god.

Owner: 2 carat.

How much money?
What you pay?

We could really use
some privacy here.

[shouts in chinese]

Please, just
give us a moment.

Not waitress.

Owner.
My restaurant.

I know. Go away.

Michael, my god.

I don't know what to say.

Well, i thought what she
said was pretty good.

Obviously
you could leave out

The "jeffrey" bit.

I can't.

Sorry.

[woman sobbing]

I'm so sorry. I...
It's just...

Hey, michael.

Jimmy, listen,
did gina just come back?

Yeah, she came back, all right,
crying her eyes out.

She packed her bag and ran
straight back out again.

What the hell
you been doing to her?

I, um...

Asked her to marry me.

No.

Are you kidding me?

Hey!

Hey!

Come here, you.

That is great.

She didn't,
by any chance,

Say where she
was going, did she?

I think she went
to her dad's house.

You don't have that
address, by any chance?

No, i don't.

But you could ask him.

He's got a restaurant
right around the block.

Corner of mulberry.

Oh, right, the, um,
la trattoria.

That's the one.

Hey, hey, hey!

You dog, you!

I'm a bit of a dog.
Thanks so much, jim.

Hey, all the best, huh?

[ring]

Man: Hello.

Hi. It's jimmy.

Is mr. Vitale in?

Yeah, i got some
great news for him.

[paolo conte singing elisir
in italian]

[theme from
a summer place playing]

Excuse me.

I was hoping you might
be able to tell me--

Hey, you're michael.

Yeah.

I'm ritchie.

Oh, right. Hi.

Yeah, great to meet you.

You look a lot like gina.

Huh? You don't look
like her at all.

I'll go get my dad.

Oh, no, that's ok.

I just needed
his home address.

You're gina's guy,
right?

Right, yeah.

You own
that auction house.

No. I just run it
for the owner, actually.

Interesting
line of business.

What's the deal
with that?

You get to pick
the paintings?

I used to.

Now i just get to pick fights
with truck drivers.

Delivery problems, huh?

Right, yeah.

You know,

I love art.

Uh-huh?
Yeah.

What's that
supposed to mean?

Johnny, it don't
mean nothing.

Vinnie.

What did i say?

You know what you said.

What, do you like the guy?
You find him attractive?

For chrissakes,
johnny.

There's something
going on here, vinnie!

Nothing's going on!

Gianni!

Piglia la macchina.

I apologize.

My son is very
emotional.

Artistic.

I think you understand.

Yeah, absolutely.

Um...

Look, i hate to disturb
mr. Vitale when he's busy.

Does anyone here
have his home--

Michael.

Mr. Vitale.

My god.

Michael, finally.

Gina keeps telling me
how busy you are,

But, uh, hey,
better late than never.

Right.

So, did you meet
everyone?

Yeah, i think so.

Vinnie.
How you doing?

Carmine. Louie.

This is uncle vito.

A pleasure.

Likewise. So are you
mostly family, then?

Mostly.
Ah.

[plays the pointer sisters'
we are family]

You two should talk.

Right.
Good, good, good.

This way?

Hey, good luck
with them trucks.

Thanks.

Look, mr. Vitale,

It's really nice
to meet you at last,

But i actually
just dropped by

To ask you
a question.

Is that right?
A question?

I think i have an idea
what that question might be.

But if we're gonna
do this right,

Don't you think

We should get to
know each other first?

Uh, yeah.
I suppose so.

You know something,
michael?

I think
i'm gonna like you.

I believe very deeply
in first impressions.

I fell in love with
my wife at first sight.

And the minute
they showed

That charles manson
on the news,

I said, "i know this
guy's up to no good."

Now i see you for
the first time, and...

I know
you love my daughter.

Look, mr. Vitale--

Uh!

Frank.
Frank.

Come on. I want
to show you something.

For chrissakes, ritchie,
i can't hear myself think!

What's wrong with you?

I don't know!

¶ we are family ¶

¶ hey-hey-hey-hey-ee-ya ¶

Kid's got a 174 iq,
and what do you get?

An idiot.
He's my son,

And i love him.

And i wish there was
another word. There isn't.

Mr. Vitale,
do you have a bathroom?

Yeah, down the hall there.
You can't miss it.

Come upstairs
when you're through.

[man shivers]

Take a look at this.

Um, mr. Vitale.

There's a man in the freezer.

I know.
Maintenance.

Come here, come here.
Come here.

You recognize this person?

The best student they ever had.

Here she is with her mother.

Gina has her eyes,
you'll notice.

About a week after this,

Her mother passed away.

And a week after that,
gina was back at school

Studying harder than before

And coming home every night

Trying to take care
of me and ritchie.

She's still doing it.

I apologize.

[sniffles]

But as you may have
guessed, i am...

Crazy about my gina.

Oh, my god.
I am so thrilled

That she met someone

Who knows exactly how
she deserves to be treated.

Right.

Like a fuckin' princess.

Right.
You know, mr. Vitale,

I think i should
really tell you

About what happened
tonight.

Whoa, michael.
I got a confession to make.

I already know.

Oh, you do?

Her doorman called me.

Oh, no, no.

When he called
with the good news,

I knew.

This michael,
he's a gentleman.

He's coming to ask
for my daughter's hand.

So, go ahead.

May i...

Please have your daughter's
hand in marriage...

Mr. Vitale?

Frank?

Dad.

Yes.

Ah, what a kid.

Yeah!

[knock on door]

I'm sleeping, daddy.

Gina.

It's me.

I love you so much.

I love you.

Then why did you
have to do this?

Everything
was perfect.

Why did you have
to go and ruin it?

I didn't mean to.

I just thought, you know--

No, i know,
and i do.

I do so much.

Well, then, that's great.
That's fantastic.

But i can't. I...

I just can't!

Gina, i'm not following.

What's happening?

I can't talk about this
in the house.

No.

So where are we going?

Out.

Right. Nowhere
too dressy, i hope.

Uh, gina.

Ohh!

I can't marry you
because of my father.

Your father?

Gina...

I just met
your father.

I loved him.

Well, i needed
this address,

So i went to
the the trattoria.

I met some
of your relations.

Ok.

Keep walking.

So, who'd you meet?

Nice uncle vito?

Yeah.

Full name--vito graziosi.
That ring any bells?

Was it boxing?

Vito "the butcher" graziosi.

He's the head of
the graziosi crime family.

Did you meet johnny?
Johnny graziosi.

He just finished 8 years
in sing sing for loansharking.

Vinnie?
Vinnie "the shrimp" d'agostino?

20 years for double murder!

Do you get the picture now?

I don't understand.
Are you saying

Your dad's some kind
of mob caterer?

My father was in prison
till i was 8, michael.

He's one of them.

Wow.

Just keep walking.

I should have told you
months ago,

Or just walked away.
Normally i would have,

But i couldn't
because i was so happy.

Listen. I don't want
to marry your father.

But you will, michael,
whether you like it or not.

Him and his friends.

And i can't let that happen
to you because i love you,

And everything they touch
ends up spoiled and corrupted.

Wait a minute.
This is ridiculous.

For a start, i might
not be corruptible.

It's a little favor,
a tiny lie, and you're theirs.

Believe me,
i've seen it.

I'm sorry, it's just...

It's just over, michael.

Well, no.

I'm sorry,

But i've waited all
my life to find someone

I love as much
as i love you.

I'm just not
gonna let this

Or anyone
come between us.

Not vito the butcher
or vinnie the baker

Or anyone involved in any
kind of food preparation.

That's it.
End of story.

But you don't know
how clever they are.

No, but you do,
presumably,

And you can tell me.
We can do this together.

Completely together?

Completely.

I swear.

Now just give in.

Marry me.

Yeah.

Smile.
You're engaged.

Great. Now just
gina and michael.

Over here, i think.

Man: Happy engagement,
you guys!

Ok, ok.

Say "cheese."

You're right.
He does talk funny.

You're really
getting into this.

I know, i know.

My therapist suggested it

As a way to get over
my little blip.

I know.

I think
it's really working.

I feel terrific.
Especially tonight.

I am so happy for you guys.

Excuse me.

Bad breakup.
Long story.

Hey!

Let's go say hello
to uncle vito.

Come on.

Here we go.

Hey!

Molto grazie.

Hey, uncle vito.

Hey, kid.

Don't you look beautiful.

Ah.

Always so beautiful.

You're like a flower.

Well, you, too,
uncle vito.

This is so nice of you.
We were really planning

Something much smaller.

Oh, yes, thank you.

Niente.

Your school.

How is everything?

It's pretty good.

Only 2 shootings
last week.

It's got me sick
with worry.

Why do you want
to worry your father?

You wanna transfer?

I have a friend of a friend
in the supervisor's office.

Thank you.
I'll let you know.

Oh. So...

Michael.

Are your family coming
over for the wedding?

No. I, uh--

Michael's
an orphan.

He was.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Mmm.

Tell me, michael.

I'm interested to know.

Coming from
a foreign culture,

You must have
a different perspective

On all these killings.

Well, um...

Yeah, to speak honestly,

I can't say
i really approve,

But my understanding
is that it's all

Part of your business,

And that people
only get killed

Who bring it
on themselves.

Um...

The killings
at gina's high school.

I'm against them.

Ah!

Vito, what do you say
we show him around the house?

Vito: 250,000.

You think
it's worth that?

Well, like i say,

That's the great thing
about an auction.

An object is worth

Whatever anyone
is willing to pay for it.

That's an interesting
perspective.

Now...

Tell me what you think
of this one.

You like it?

Michael:
Wow. It's very...

Intriguing, isn't it?

Tell me, why does jesus
have a machine gun there?

Vito: It's symbolic.

You have to ask johnny.

He does them
as part of his therapy.

You have a very
gifted son, vito.

No two ways
about it.

I must say,
i like the way...

The blood sort of
oozes out of his--

I like that.

[laughs]

Yeah. He's a very
talented kid,

Wouldn't you say,
michael?

Yes, yes, i think
he certainly has something.

Grazie.

I'm flattered
that you like it.

Uh, listen, michael.

We should talk.

I have friends
in various fields

That would
be delighted

To help
a friend of mine.

Well, um...

That's extremely kind of you,

But i've always had
this silly thing

About standing on my own
two feet in business.

I hope...

You understand.

Of course.

I respect
your feeling.

¶ you're nobody ¶

¶ till somebody loves you ¶

I'm so proud of you.

No. You see,
i am so proud of you.

No, you.
No, you.

Oh, shut up.

All right.

[camera clicks]
perfect.

I am so happy for you.

One more.

¶ go find yourself ¶

¶ somebody to love ¶

[applause]

[humming]

Talk to helen
about tonight's catalog.

Rent goodfellas, casino,
godfather i, ii, iii.

Excuse me.
Can i help you?

How much
is this one?

On this, the reserve
is 30,000, i think.

That being, of course,

The opening bid
on tonight's auction.

Oh.

Do you have
much experience

When it comes
to buying art?

No, but i hear it can be
a good investment.

Yes.

My father

Recently died...

And left me some money.

Your father.

That must have been
a terrible shock.

You know, if, um...
If you're just looking

For something beautiful
to put on your wall,

You might like to think
about a mirror.

[laughing loudly]

Oh...

You.

I really want a painting.

Yeah.

Michael.

Can i have a word?

One moment.
I tell you what.

Tonight if there's
a nice painting

Going for less than
it's really worth,

Perhaps we could
work out a way

In which i could let
you know about it.

You mean like a signal?

Exactly.

Listen.
I have an important

Potential client
i have to talk to,

So i'm gonna
leave helen here

To work out
the exact details

Of this with you.
Where is he?

Not here yet,
but the trucks are.

That means
they're early.

Yeah. Incredible, huh?

Fantastic. Ok.

Bye.

Hello.

What?

So that's everything.

Yes, sir, all 44 pieces.

I just want you to know
if i've said anything

Or done anything
in the past

That in any way offended
you, i'm, uh...

Very deeply sorry.

Ah.

Well, uh, thanks.

Michael.

Michael.

Are you ok?

Sorry. Yes,
yes, i'm fine.

Just, this
morning's delivery

Was complete
and on time.

It was
a bit of a shock.

I can imagine.

Morganson's here.

I thought that you could
soften him up a bit,

And then i'll move in
for the kill.

Absolutely.

Lovely.

We do like to think
that we can

Match sotheby's
in the 2 qualities

Most important
to any auction house.

One being, obviously,
a tradition

Of unquestioned
respectability.

And the other being,
um...

For want
of a better word,

Shall we say class?

Well, i know mr. Cromwell
is anxious to talk to you.

[breathing heavily]

I'm sorry, michael.
I'm confused.

What's the problem?

Well, mr. Graziosi wants me
to auction it for $50,000.

No one--i mean,
people would pay $50,000

Just to avoid being in
the same room as this thing.

Michael, please.

Your trucks show up on time

For the first time
in god knows how long.

And you--you get to give
a little happiness

To an important friend.

So, i mean,
what's the matter with you?

I thought you'd be happy.

No. Mr. Vitale--

No. Dad.

No,
you don't understand.

This is exactly what
gina said would happen.

This is her--i mean,
if she even found out

That this thing had been
sent over here--

Gina. You're early.

Hi.

Just on the phone
with your dad.

Oh, let me talk.

Yeah.

Hey, you. Ah.
Oh, oh.

Mmm.
[chuckles]

Daddy,
you got my message?

Great. And everything's
ok for tomorrow?

[snaps]

And tomorrow at noon's
ok for the fittings?

Ok, well,
here's the deal.

Now, i'm gonna be there,

And carol is gonna
come along, too,

To take photos.

No. She's doing
the whole wedding,

So be nice.

We have to talk about
the wedding reception.

Gina!

Whoo.

Now, i know you and mom
used louie's,

But...

Hold on.

[laughing]
no.

We do have 2 key attributes

For which, in this business,
there is no substitute.

The first being, obviously,

A tradition of unparalleled
respectability.

And the other being,
shall we say,

For want of
a better word--

We'll come back later.

[chuckles]

Michael: Right.

Fine.

You know what, daddy?
We have to go.

Ok, i love you, too.

He wants to say bye.

Yeah?

Frank: Look,
it's gonna be ok.

Uh, you put the thing
up for auction.

It don't sell.
Gina will never know.

Oh, i don't think
i can do that. Ha ha.

Um, listen.

This favor...
If you don't do it,

It's really
not that great.

I mean, not for you,

And to be honest
with you, not for me.

So, we'll just
do it this once,

And i'll talk to vito
and explain, uh...

How in the future

You two would prefer
to go it alone, ok?

Heh heh.
Is that a promise, dad?

Yes, that's a promise.

Fabulous.

Noon tomorrow, then,
it is.

Ok, bye.

What is wrong with you?

Yeah. Yeah.

You...Come here.

Mmm!

[laughs]

Yeah.

I swear to god, frankie,
i ain't got the money!

[pants]

All right.

Now i gotta put you
on mountain climb.

[beeping]

We worked out
the signals.

What?

With the old lady.

If you want her to start
bidding, you cough.

Ok, easy enough.

If you want her
to stop bidding,

You just say "ha."

Fine.

What? Say what?

"ha."

"ha"?

Ok. Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

And welcome to
"portraiture: 1450-1750."

And down it goes, then,
at $25,000

To bidder number 977.

And so to our final piece
of the evening

And, um, a last-minute
addition to your catalog,

Lot number 277-a,

Oil on canvas,
signed by the artist:

The road to damascus

By jonathan graziosi.

This item has a reserve
of $50,000.

50,000, anyone?

No? Oh, well,
too bad, then.

Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.

That concludes
the business for to--

Was that--

We have $50,000.

[people gasp]

Fifty thousand dollars.

55, anyone?

All through,

All done, then,
at $50,000

To bidder number 235.

And, uh, i believe that's
a record for a graziosi.

Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen,

And, uh, good night.

[murmuring]

Michael...

You snuck that last one
in on me, didn't you?

Yes, i'm afraid so.
I'm sorry. I--

Do that more often.

Congratulations.

Quite a painting you
have for yourself, sir.

Thank you,
i appreciate that.

I'm sorry.
Have we, um...

Met somewhere?

I don't believe so.

But may i ask,

Do either of you gentlemen
enjoy steak?

Very much so.

University and 9th.
I'm very proud of it.

Uh, thanks.
Hang on.

Carla: Oh!
Do i know you?

Man: You'll have to keep
your hands to yourself.

Michael.

Mille grazie.

You make me very proud
and johnny very happy.

Honey, really.
It's--it's--

Something's
going on here.

Hey, johnny,
come on.

Nothing's
going on.

Yeah, i don't
like your face.

Michael: Hello, frank?
It's michael.

I've been trying to get you
since last night.

Listen, it sold.

D-did you know that
the painting actually sold?

I heard. That's great.

Did you talk to, um...

Your friend?

I mean,
that is it, right?

Finito,
no more favors?

Trust me, michael.

Hey, it's gonna be ok.

Great.

Wait, wait, sorry.

It--it is,
or it's going to be?

Hello? Hello? Frank?

Sorry, gotta go.
See you at the tailor.

[horns honking]

[beep]

Excuse me.

What's going on?

Big fire
over on 72nd street.

What, a restaurant
or something?

Nah, i don't know.
Some art place.

Sotheby's?

That's it.

Helen:
Michael...

There are some men here
to see you from the fbi.

Good.

Good, good.

Michael: We often sell works
by first-time artists.

I, uh, don't see how
this time is any different.

The difference is

That this painting
was bought

By a restaurant owner

Who owed the artist's
father $50,000.

It's a setup.
You get it?

They bought it
from themselves.

I don't understand.

If someone buys
your painting for 50,000,

You make 50,000,

But if they already
owed you the money,

You make nothing.

It's called
money laundering.

Ah.

Lewis: You mind?

Not at all, no.

They do it through
car washes,

Restaurants, bars,

And last night,
through you.

Have you at any time

Come into contact
with anyone

Who you thought
might be connected

With organized crime
of any kind?

[lewis strikes match]

Absolutely not.

Connell:
You sure about that?

I am positive.

Ha.

Are we ok
to see michael?

Oh, he's in
with the fbi.

Ah. Lovely.

Hmm.
Perhaps later, then.

Have you had lunch?

Ah.

Well, thank you very much
indeed for the warning.

And, uh, if anything
like this crops up again,

I'll certainly be in touch.

We'd appreciate that.

We're dealing with something
pretty ugly here.

Here's my card.

Thank you.

And, uh...
Thank you.

Oh, those.
Thanks.

Michael...

Gina is in reception.

Good. Thank you.

Michael.

I know what
you're thinkin'.

It's ok. Relax.

Man: Mr. Felgate...

Where did you want this?

In my office.
Thank you.

Quick as you can.

[achille togliani
singing violino tzigano]

Woman: Yeah.

It turns out
that vito and johnny

Are taking more
of a liking to the idea

Than any of us

Had perhaps originally
anticipated. That's all.

God almighty!
It's out of control.

You can't control it,
can you?

No. Listen, now.

It is not
out of control.

Well, i have to tell gina.
I have to tell her.

Look, tonight...

Tonight is your last auction
of the season, right?

Look,
all you have to do

Is keep gina
away from there.

Sell a painting,
go on your honeymoon.

Hey, by the time
you come back,

I swear, everything
will be taken care of.

I am not lying to gina.
I'm not doing it.

I have to tell her.

Michael, please.

You know gina's happiness
means more to me

Than anything
in the world.

You know that, right?

If you tell her now
that you already lied,

It's all over.

God damn it!

This is your fault.

Hey, you know,

I've been on your side
every step of the way here.

Yeah, well,
if you were a plumber,

Would we be having
this conversation?

Gina:
Uh...Ohh.

Carol: Oh. Tsk.

Look at you.

Uh, wait.
Where's ritchie?

Oh.

Carol:
Smile.

What's the matter
with you?

I don't know.

So, are you guys
busy tonight, or...

No. Actually, i'm gonna go
to michael's big auction.

You wanna come?

Um...Yes.

Gina. You know,
we should talk about that.

What?

Tonight.
Been thinking about it.

You know,
it's quite a big deal.

Morganson's gonna be there
again, and, uh...

I'm just afraid i might get
put off if you were there.

I know it sounds silly.

I'm just thinking
i might not--

Just might not
be able to see the bids,

Because i'd, uh,
you know...

Not be able to...
Look at you.

[carol gasps]

Ha.

What? What,
what, what?

What is it?
What is it?

I'm fine.

Just, he...

He loves you so much,

And i am so happy
for you.

Ohh. Oh.

Oh.

Carol: No,
it's so great.

[paolo conte singing
come di]

[carol crying]

It's so good.

[crying]

Michael: And so finally
to lot 125-a.

And another of our occasional
jonathan graziosis.

This unusual painting
is entitled

Die, piggy-piggy,
die, die

And has a reserve
of $80,000.

At $80,000, then.

Anyone?

Bid.

$80,000.

What?!

[coughs]

Excuse me.

[clears throat]

Is that...

We have $80,000.

Lady at the front.

[beep]

85, anyone?

Uhh!

Yes, $85,000.
Gentleman at the back.

No advance.
No one else.

All through and--

$90,000.

$90,000.

Ha!

Anyone at $95,000?

[whispering] be smart
and take her money now.

Let me pay you back
later!

You're supposed
to buy the painting.

Yeah, but you can make
double the money.

Just doing my job.

[grunts]

Yes. $95,000. Ha!

$100,000.

Uh, anyone at $105,000?

[squeals]
yes! Ha ha!

$105,000.
Gentleman at the back.

And may i just remind you,
ladies and gentlemen,

That we recently sold a graziosi
for a record $50,000,

The most ever paid
for a graziosi.

50. Less than ha-half
the current bidding price.

Ha!

$110,000.

Anyone at 115?

Sir?

I told ya.

$115,000.

Certainly,
to let this go for 110

Would be a crime of
the greatest magnitude.

Yes, $115,000.

Gentleman at the back.
All through. All done.

And down it goes at $115,000
to bidder number 702.

Terrific. And that brings us
to the end of the auction,

Ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you very much indeed.
Good night.

Michael.

I can't talk.
I have to see gina.

[paolo conte singing
come di]

[dog barking]

Michael.

Gina told me
the happy news.

I'm baking you two
a cake.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, that's incredibly
nice of you. Thanks.

I'll see you
a bit later, then.

[let's stay together
by al green playing]

Michael: Gina?

Wow.

Who are you?

My god,
what is this?

It's the 3-month anniversary
of our very first date.

I'm a complete...

Idiot. Sorry.

But do you mind
if we have company?

Who?

[chuckles]

Humans and gorillas
are primates.

He reminded me
of you.

Yes, he would.

Happy anniversary.

Both: Mmm!

Oh, my god.
I just feel so horrible

That i didn't remember to
get anything for you. I...

Oh, my god.

Ohh.

Swap?

Oh, yeah. Michael,
you can't afford this!

Mmm!
Mmm!

Come here.

I have an opposable thumb.

Wait, gina.
Hang on, hang on.

Mmm. Calm down.
Calm--calm down.

Listen, i can--
i can afford it,

Because, you know,
things have been going

Really well at work
recently.

Apart from...

This one thing...

That i think we should
talk about, ok?

Ok.

[buzz]

I'll--i'll go.

Oh.

Al green:
¶ let's stay together ¶

[buzz]

Who is it?

¶ loving you whether ¶

It's, uh...
Jehovah bloody witnesses.

Yeah, please go away.

Thank you.
We're not interested.

[kicking]

They must be
very devoted.

Hang on.

Excuse me.

I want my money now.

Listen, i can't
talk about this now.

No talk.
Money now.

I can't--

Johnny?

Hello, gina.

Michael,
what's going on?

All right, listen.

Prince charles here
just cost me 130 grand,

And he's gonna make it up
out of his own pocket.

What's this worth?

Gina: Michael.

They were auctioning
johnny's paintings

To launder money.

Not "they." "we."

And a connoisseur
had the taste

To try to buy
some of my art.

Well, she was
90 years old and blind.

She was not
a connoisseur.

Your jerk fiancá

Wouldn't even
let her bid.

Well, cheating
innocent collectors

Was not part
of the deal!

You had a deal?

No, no.

Toy: When angered,
i make this sound--

Uhh uhh!

If we didn't
have a deal,

How come
you took commission

From the painting
i sold last night?

This is why you told me
not to come tonight.

Gina, i--

Because if i was there,

You'd have trouble
not looking at me.

Very smooth.

I mean, did you
take a commission?

Is that how you
afforded this?

What? We burst your little
town and country bubble?

I don't know who the hell
you think you are--

All right, that's it.
Come on, get out.

Hey, don't touch me!
Don't touch me!

All right, all right,
all right.

Toy: Other primates
fear the gorilla.

Don't be a moron, johnny.

Just--just relax, ok?

Relax.

Come on, johnny.
You don't need the gun.

You're right.
I don't.

Uhh!

Ohh!

Johnny!

I hate to do this

To such a beautiful
establishment,

But you got to learn
how to pay up!

Stop.

Stop!

Uhh!

Toy: My diet is leaves
and fresh fruit.

[drops gun]

Oh, my god.

What happened?

Did it ricochet?

He's dead.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

All right,
it's not your fault.

It's ok.

Here's what we do.

I'm, um, gonna
call the police.

No. You can't.

They own half the police.

What have i done?

Listen,
don't you worry.

You go home.
I'll call your father.

Daddy?
Yeah.

We can deal with this.

You're one
of the guys now.

Gina, listen to me.
No.

That's not true.

No, you're right.

This is a job
for the boys.

You don't understand.

No, don't touch me.

You don't understand!

I understand perfectly.
I've always understood.

That's why i warned you.

That's why you swore to me
this wouldn't happen.

[ring clinks]

Gina, you have to
let me explain!

I'll just put this
in the kitchen.

No! No. No.

Thank you.
Thank you so much,

But i just learned
i'm diabetic.

Thank you so much
for the thought, though.

[elevator clanking]

[ding]

Mm.

Funny how life
imitates art.

Hmm?

All right.
Um...Don't worry.

We can handle this.

It's gonna be ok.

Uh, first thing, um...

D-d-do you have
any plastic bags?

Absolutely.

Jesus. Sweet jesus.

Here.

What am i supposed
to do with that?

I don't know.
Uh...

I--i thought perhaps...
The gun?

Bigger?

Right.

Sorry. Sorry.

The trick is to hook up
under the armpits.

[door lock clacks]

Uhh!

Good evening again,
mrs. Horton.

Just, uh, getting rid of
all the food with sugar.

Yeah.

Rosemary clooney:
¶ hey, mambo ¶

Now, look, don't push.

¶ mambo italiano ¶

¶ hey, mambo ¶

¶ mambo italiano ¶

¶ go, go, go ¶

¶ you mixed-up siciliano ¶

¶ all you calabrese
do the mambo like a-crazy ¶

¶ with a hey, mambo ¶

¶ don't wanna tarantella ¶

¶ hey, mambo ¶

¶ no more a-mozzarella ¶

¶ hey, mambo ¶

¶ mambo italiano ¶

¶ try an enchilada
with da fish a bac a lab ¶

¶ and a-hey, goombah ¶

¶ i love a-how you dance
a rumba ¶

¶ but take some advice,
paisano ¶

¶ learn how to mambo ¶

¶ if you're gonna
be a square ¶

¶ you ain't a-gonna
go nowhere ¶

¶ hey, mambo ¶

Shh shh shh shh shh.

What?

Whoa.

Oh, shit.

[gunshot]

For chrissakes,
would you stay down?

I am down.

Hey, frankie!

Al?

Al: It's frankie.

Vitale?

Yeah.

It's al.

[al laughing]

Frank: Unbelievable.

Oh!

My god, sante!

Oh, frankie.

Did you get hit
anywhere?

Nah.
What, are you kiddin'?

Thank god
we're chickenshits, eh?

Real tough guys would've
stood there and aimed, no?

[sante laughs]

So, uh,
who's your friend?

That's big mickey
from kansas city,

A friend of ours.

I thought big mickey
was dead.

The father. This is
little big mickey.

Wasn't there
a little big mickey

Out of chicago?

Yeah. That's the original
little big mickey.

This is
little big mickey blue eyes.

Oh, so you work
for tony two-tone.

[grunts]

Who you got over there?

Whoa, is that
sonny marsalino?

Al: Yeah.

Frank: I thought he was
in witness protection.

Al: Took us 7 years.

Tracked him
and whacked him. Yeah.

"tracked him
and whacked him."

So, uh,
who's your guy?

He's a nobody.

Frankie, come on.
We showed you ours.

What? We in the
second grade over here?

He's a witness. I really
can't talk about it.

Well, then,
i guess we should

Get these guys
in the ground, huh?

Frank:
Good, good.

Good to see you.
You, too, huh?

Mickey blue.

God bless.
Take care.

Mickey.

Come on, let's go.
We got to move him.

Come on, come on.

Oh, my god.

I got to dig?

Yeah, you dig.
It's your turn.

You shot him
in the head.

Yeah, so?
I whacked him. You dig.

[both grunting]

You know what?
What?

I wish i was him.

No, you don't.

No, you're right.
I wish you were him.

Here, here,
here, here.

Wipe yourself.

Oh. You got
a hundred-dollar bill?

Why?

Get in the car.
Don't worry about it.

Look, one thing.

If any of this
gets out,

I'm the one that
shot johnny, ok?

Can we at least
agree on that?

You got it.

You all right?

You got my messages?

[sighs]

You buried him,
and then you dug him up,

And now you don't know
where he is.

No, not exactly.

Yeah,
i got your messages.

So, how you feeling?

Well, obviously,
it's my first murder.

On top of which, i feel
like i'm going crazy,

And i'm scared, and...

And the one person
i want to turn to

Turns out to be
a liar and a fraud,

But other than that...

I'm not a liar.

I mean, yes.
I am a liar.

Just let me--
[bell rings]

Oh. Well,
i don't think i can.

I'm sorry.
I have to go.

Wait. Wait.

Hold out your hand.

Here. Just...

Hang on to it

Till i've had
a chance to explain.

Come over
for lunch tomorrow,

And i'll listen to
what you have to say.

This is patrick richards,

Reporting from central park,

Where police this morning
found the body

Of 31-year-old
jonathan graziosi,

Son of reputed mob boss
vito graziosi.

Sources tell us
the body was found

With a rolled-up $100 bill
in one of the nostrils,

Calling card of the notorious
risolli crime family.

Johnny graziosi
was at the beginning

Of a flourishing art career.

Tony risolli called.

They want to talk.

Ok. Set it up.

Soon as they pull up,
we should blow them away.

Let's listen to what
they got to say, huh?

[unintelligible
squeaky, hoarse voice]

Man: Mr. Risolli
says he swears

On the soul
of his mother

He had nothing
to do with this.

Then who?

[unintelligible
squeaky, hoarse voice]

A cop in the 20th
precinct tipped us.

They towed johnny's car
from in front of a building

On the upper west side.

That's the address.

Go.

No, wait.

You don't want everyone
stomping around up there

Like a bunch of goddamn
elephants, scaring people away.

How about i go in there
with a detective's badge,

You know, ask around,
keep it quiet?

We find the right zebra,
we tear him to pieces.

¶ i look up
and see your picture ¶

Toy:
Tickle my tummy.

Ha ha ha ha.

¶ i have you smile just for me ¶

¶ it brings back
a lot of memories ¶

¶ of a love that used to be ¶

[knocking on door]

Which apartment

Was the old lady in
that saw us with johnny?

Why?

They know he was here.

Oh, god.

We need to talk
to her about it.

What's that?

What are you
gonna do?

Michael, please.
I am not gonna hurt her.

No, listen--

Michael, if we don't do this,
we're both gonna die.

Mrs. Horton: Who is it?

It's michael felgate

And his harmless
friend frank.

No, mrs. Horton,
do not open--

What?

Mrs. Horton, we said

Please open the door.

You're michael's friend?

The garbage helper?

Yes, the garbage helper.

[elevator bell dings]

Oh. What are you guys
doing here?

Hey, frankie,

Mr. Risolli thought
we should check it out.

Hey, mickey blue.

Hey.

Thank you very much,
thank you.

If you remember
anything else,

Will you call that number?
Thank you.

Whoo, me.

We covered this place
top to bottom,

But most of the people
are at work.

How about
we grab some steak

And we all come back
later this afternoon?

Do we look like we ever
said no to a steak?

And i got
the perfect place.

You'll love it, frank.

Follow us.

Frank:
Hey, foged aboudit.

Hey, forget about it.

Foged aboudit.

Foged--no rs.

Foget abaut it.

All right, now change
the ts to ds.

Hey, foged aboud id.

"id"?

Well, you said change
the ts to the ds!

Not the last one!

Well, all right,

Change the ts to the ds,
but not the last one.

Look, foged aboudit.

Stop!

Try this one here. Uh...

Get the hell outta he.
No rs.

Ged da hell outta hee.

Not "hee." "he."

He. He!

Heee.

Mmm.

Look, keep your mouth shut.

Stick this in your pants.
Stick it in your pants!

Maybe you'll look the part.
My god.

Since i live there, maybe
i should shoot mrs. Horton

And save you going back
with your rope.

You thought that was
for strangling her?

Well, what else
was it for?

To tie her up so i can
take her up to my cabin.

Jesus, mike.
I mean, my god.

I wonder what kind of
person you think i am.

I think you're
the kind of person

That knows the trick
for carrying a dead body.

Oh, my god.

Hey, gid oudda he.

No, just foged aboudit.

Foged aboudit.

No, forge--
i mean shut up.

Please shut up!

Foged aboudit.

[music playing]

Michael: Oh, my god.

I sold him the painting.
He knows who i am.

This can't be happening.

This--

Hi. You gentlemen
ready to order?

Well, just, um, a salad

And, uh,
some mineral water.

I'm counting
my cholesterol.

I'll have a sirloin--
medium. Fried onions,

Baked potato
with everything on it,

And a beer.

Same.

And you?

Same.

And how do you want
your steak cooked?

Re.

What?

Rah.

What?

Rahh.

Raw?

Rahh.

Rare?

Yeah.

Rare.

And how about to drink?

Be.

Another beer.

You talk funny.

[chuckles]

You got any company
while you're in town?

Hey, antoinette...

Come here.

This here's a very
good friend of ours.

Kansas city little
big mickey blue eyes.

Oh, that's
a mouthful.

Yeah.

Sit down. Say hi
to the nice man.

Hi.

Hi.

So what part
of kansas city?

[gasps]

Are they taking care
of you guys?

Get the hell back
in your goddamn kitchen!

I want something from you,
i'll ask. Go on.

Antoinette: Mmm.

Kansas city, here i come.

[chuckles]

Recording:
Rent goodfellas,

Casino, godfather
i, ii, iii.

Jesus christ! It talks.

Yeah, wid an accent,
no less.

What is that?

Uh, ids like
a liddle recorder thing.

Got id off
some british asshole.

Michael!

What an amazing
coincidence.

Come for one of
the famous steaks?

Yeah, yeah.

Is something queer
going on?

No, no, no.

Is this in any way connected
to that fbi business?

Philip, i can't explain
at the moment.

I--i just...

What on earth was going on
at the auction last night?

Why did you keep saying "ha"
like that?

We were all quite worried
about you.

I'll have to explain later.
I'm sorry.

Aah!

Oh, my god. I am so sorry.
It was completely my fault.

I can't apologize enou--

Just a liddle screwup.

But whad da hee?

Me god id unda contwol.

Foged aboudid.

Why in the world
are you talking like that?

Shaddup, asshole!
I had enougha youse.

Mich--

I said shaddup.
Ged oudda he.

All you bwitish
are the same.

You're all assholes.
Go on! Ged oudda hee!

Asshole.

What are they doing?

What are they doing?
They're talking to kansas city.

But they still
can't connect us to johnny

If i get to the old lady
before they do.

But she won't be there.

She's playing cards,
gets home about 3:00.

Oh, no.

What?

Oh, no!

I missed meeting
gina for lunch.

So give her a call.
Explain what happened.

Trust me, it'll be ok.

No, you--
just wake up, frank!

It will not be ok!

I just assaulted my boss,
i've lost my fiancáe,

And now your pals are gonna
hunt me down and kill me.

So "it's not gonna be ok"
pretty much tops the list.

Michael, you have
to stay focused.

Well, you focus on this:

Gina's probably
not going to forgive me,

Because i lied to her.

And her father's been
lying to her all her life,

And it hurts.

She tell you that?

Yeah.

And now it looks like
i've lost

The only girl
i've ever really loved,

So as far
as i'm concerned,

It's not bloody ok
at all!

Michael.

You can't go home.

I'm going to gina.

I should never have
lied to you.

I should have told you
everything from the start,

But the whole thing just
snowballed,

And before
i knew where i was,

I was just buried
in the whole thing.

But everything i did,
i did out of...

Fear of losing you.

Can't you see that?

Gina, listen, please,
just let me come up.

This is--
this is ridiculous.

Why didn't you show up
for lunch today?

The truth, please.

Ok, i was with your father.

We had to have lunch
with these people.

It was a nightmare--

Yeah, it seems like
you and dad

Are getting pretty
close.

What does that mean?

It means we're over,
michael.

I just don't know
who you are.

You're toast.

Michael.

Come here.

What?

Don't worry about it.

It'll be ok.

Yeah.

Heyy! Ooh.

Come on!

Right. Thanks.

Thanks.

[groans]

Tv: And now here's our host
pat bullard!

[audience applause]

Host: Oh, thank you so much.

What a great crowd.
Thank you.

Let's get started
by meeting our first--

[tv turns off]

Vito: She went out, frankie.

Michael, uh...

Fired a warning shot
in the ceiling.

It was an accident.

Sit down, frank.

...And just havin'
the best time.

It's a wonderful city,

And everyone's been
so friendly and courteous.

I don't know why

They talk the way they do
about new yorkers--

Get the hell outta here.
Go on.

[ring]

Hello.

Listen. I want you to get out
of the apartment right now.

You hear me. Just go!

Uh, what's going on?
What's happening?

Vito thinks the risollis
killed johnny.

Things are a little dicey
right now. That's all.

Oh, uh, i'm fine.

Vito was worried, too,

So he sent uncle vinnie
to watch out for me.

Isn't that sweet of him?

Daddy?

You there?

Ok, listen to me.

Listen to me.

Whatever you do--
i can't explain this now--

But whatever you do,

Don't tell anyone there's
trouble between you and michael.

It's very, very important,
you understand?

Ok.

Let me talk to vinnie.

Sure. One sec.

It's daddy.

Mmyeah? Frankie.

You listen to me.

You touch one hair
on her head,

I swear on my mother
that you'll beg me to kill you.

Hey, listen,
i'm just doing my job,

All right, frank?

I mean, you do
what you gotta do,

And everything
will be ok, all right?

You j--

[car door slams]

So?

[sighs]

Uh...

They know
what happened.

They know about gina?

Uh, they, uh...

They think it was you.

So, um...

W-what's gonna happen?

They, um...

They gotta take care
of you, michael.

W-what does that mean?

It means, uh...

They ordered someone
to, um...

Whack me?

Ok. Um...

Uh, do we know who?

Me.

You.

You're going
to whack me?

Stop sayin' that.
You sound like an idiot.

Yeah, vito wants me
to do it at the wedding

During your speech.

I mean,
that way he figures,

You know,
he gets us both.

You die and...

I lose gina by killing
the man she loves.

But there isn't
gonna be a wedding.

No...

So i can't do it then.

You mean
you can't do it then,

Or you can't do it,
then?

Uh, the first one.

Right.

They got gina, michael.

If i don't do it,
vinnie's gonna kill her.

My god.

It's one of
these honor things.

You know,
a life for a life,

Bottom line...

Bottom line...

Vito's not gonna rest
until he sees a body.

A body.

Yep.

Right.

Right.

This is probably
a stupid question, but...

To your knowledge...

Does this hurt?

No, uh...

You won't feel a thing.

Ready?

Ok.

That is surprisingly
painful, actually.

Is it meant to hurt
that much?

Let me check that
for you.

Frank, when michael gets up
to give his bridegroom speech,

You shoot him twice.

Then our guys come in
and shoot you.

We're gonna stitch
the squib controls

Inside your tuxedos,

So you're gonna have to learn
to set them off yourselves

In sync
with the gunshots!

You think
you can handle it?

Uh, any problems,
speak now.

This thing is potentially
huge for us. Massive.

Questions? Worries?
Something you need?

Well, there's one thing.

The bride.

No, sir,
we don't take bribes!

Bride!

Pardon?

Take them goddamn things
off your head!

Yes, sir!

Tv: And the handy bundler
is virtually indestructible.

Even the law can use
handy bundler

To detain criminals.

You'll find hundreds of uses
for the handy bundler

Around the shop,
at home, in the office,

And on the job.

[telephone rings]

Tv: A perfect fit
every time.

It's lightweight
and secures anything.

Hello?

Tv: And easy as 1, 2, 3!

So these are the guys doing
the flowers for the wedding?

Yeah. They're supposed
to be great.

Thanks, uncle vinnie.

I think i'll be safe
with michael inside.

Ok.

So?

What's going on?

They don't know anything
at all about you.

But, um, they think
that i shot johnny.

But you didn't.

Act like
you're in love.

Who are you?

Fbi.

How are you today?

Vito doesn't know
that i know this,

But your father's been
ordered to kill me

At our
wedding reception.

Michael will be
wearing a wire.

What?

The idea is that vito won't
be afraid to talk to me

Because he thinks
i'm about to die.

And then when i get him
to incriminate himself--

Our guys come in.
Bingo. Got him.

And, uh...

That's the end of it.

You think i'd help trap
my own father?

Your father is with us.

You're more important
to him than they are.

It's our only way
out of this alive.

Then i guess
i don't have a choice.

Is everything ok?

Everything's fine.

Decisions,
you know?

I think
we're through.

Uh, excuse me.

Um, any panics,
any questions,

You just
give us a call.

Tony and guy.
Don't be shy.

Well, bye, then,
darling.

See you later.

Ok.

Michael: I can't do this.

We have to tell her frank's
gonna pretend to shoot me.

No way, her reaction
is everything.

It has to be real.

[sniffs]

[squeezes
nasal mist]

Kitchen team moving.

Bridal limo en route.

Good.

Ok, gentlemen,
the limo is on its way.

These are the squibs,
all right?

2 controllers.
One in each pocket.

Now, a squeeze
or a sharp tap...

Sets them off.

You understand?

[british accent]
how do you do?

I'm the best man.

Hello. My name's peter.

I'm the best man,

And i work
at marks and spencers.

I love chocolate biscuits.

Oh, mumsy,
i want some ginger beer.

There she is!

This is so exciting!

Here she is!

It's the bride!

Hi, pretty!

Oh, my god.

Not much of a job,
though, is it, vinnie?

Thank you so much.

Oh!

Oh!

Hey!

Ow! My leg!

Radio: Testing 1, 2, 3.
Do you read? Do you read?

Testing 1, 2, 3.
Do you read?

Do you read?

Remember,

We're going to need
graziosi loud and clear.

You got plenty of time.

He only has
until the speeches.

Right. After the dancing
and dessert.

You gotta be kidding.

This is
an italian wedding.

The speeches
are before the dinner.

You knew that, right?

Mm-hmm. Still got
plenty of time.

Plenty of time?

You have 10 minutes
if you're lucky.

This is not a problem.

Gonna be ok.

We have a problem.

Why the fuck didn't
you tell me this earlier?

And michael andrew felgate,

Do you take
gina maria vitale

For your lawful wife...

To have and to hold

From this day forward

For better, for worse,

For richer, for poorer,

In sickness and in health

Until death do you part?

Michael: I do.

You have declared your consent
before the church.

May the lord in his goodness

Strengthen your consent

And fill you both
with his blessings.

Amen.

In the name of the father
and the son and the holy spirit,

I pronounce you
husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

[applause and cheering]

[italian folk music playing]

[man singing in italian]

Hey! Wedding! Smile!

Weddings!

Yay!

Kitchen team,
we've got one shot at this.

And less than 5 minutes
before the speeches.

We got it.

Ah, philip,
about the other day...

I don't want to hear.

I'm sure
you had your reasons.

No names, no pack drill.
That's my motto.

Ha ha ha.

That's incredibly
nice of you.

Goodness,
are you drinking?

Ooh.

Come on,
darling.

But i've only had
one glass.

Let me take that
for you.

She thinks i'm drunk.

Mrs. Cromwell:
You're very embarrassing.

I think you're on.

In position.

Uncle vito...

I just wanted to say

How sorry
i am about your son.

Vito: Thank you.

Vito: This is a happy day.

I wish you much joy.

I especially look forward
to the speeches.

Well...

You're very kind.

And i'm very appreciative
of the way you've...

Opened my eyes
to new possibilities.

As a matter of fact,
um...

I recently thought
of a new idea

That i think could be

Extremely profitable
to us both.

Uh, absurdly profitable,
really.

I mean, uh...

I think
we're talking millions.

But, um, this certainly
isn't the occasion

To be talking business,
is it?

Another time perhaps.

Thank you so much again
for being here.

He's lost his mind.

And speeches in 4:05.

Are you outta
your mind?

He wasn't ready.
Relax.

Relax?

Congratulations, huh?

Hey.

In 5 minutes,
we're dead.

You, me,
and gina.

Woman: Hi, frankie!

Never chase the bid.

Hello! What?

Let the bid come to you.
That's rule number one.

What the hell are
you talkin' about?

Oh, mr. Graziosi wants
to see you over there.

Of course.

Pleasure.

I think
we're in business.

Speech is in 3.

We have to go say hi
to maria.

Here. Oh.

So basically...

You continue to sell and buy
interesting work through us,

And i do
the insurance valuation

On the collection
you assemble.

Like insurance against
a fire, for example.

Fires can happen.

Look at sotheby's.

But fortunately,
of course,

You would be
handsomely covered.

So what do you think?

Are we, uh...

We in business then?

Say it.

In 2.

Michael!
There you are!

Philip.

You two look serious.
Cheer up.

Good heavens.
Those are something.

You mind if i...

Take it easy.

Quite right. Ah.

[chuckling]

What do you think?

Philip, this is, um,
uncle vito.

Delighted to meet you.

You--you from
the old country?

Parla italiano, lei?

My family's
from sicily.

Ah! La bella sicilia!

Land of the goat.

My wife and i spent
a wonderful week there

Last summer.

Charming
little pensione

With the most priceless
little owner

Who looked
just like a mafioso.

We called him al capone.
You remember, darling?

[chuckles]

My god, these things
are making me squiffy.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Arrivederci.

Michael: Sorry, philip.
Uncle vito!

Oh, but i am a ninny!

I forgot to tell you
the good news.

Mr. Morganson here
has decided

Cromwell's are the team
for him.

Oh.

Well, that's,
uh--

Yes, that's
marvelous news.

We must meet up

And discuss
the details.

Let me just find
my, uh...

I'll have helen leave
a message on monday.

Excuse me.

What a horrible thing
to happen.

Are you all right?

I'm sure he meant it
as a joke.

Could i borrow him
for a second?

Thanks.

That was quite something.
I love party tricks.

[silverware tapping glass]

Pray gather round

From the farthest
reaches

And take your seats

To hear the speeches!

And speeches
are early.

Radio: Yeah!

Whoo-hoo!

Whoo!

Listen, i swear to god
i'll do it,

But i'm begging you
for gina's sake...

Let me wait till after
the party's over.

During
the speeches...

For gina's sake.

...And throws
the boo-ket.

"bou-"
and then "-quet."

Michael: Please,
we have to hurry.

Cromwell: I'm going
as fast as i can.

It's rather a mess.

Come. Turn around.
Turn around.

I--i need to tuck it in
properly.

English.

Figured as much.

Now, just shove it
in there.

Look, stuff it in.

Vito:
Give me your gun.

What?

Give me your gun,
frank.

Johnny's.

His first.

I want you
to use this one.

I think he gave frank
a live gun.

I suggest abort.
I repeat. Abort.

No. We can still get this.
Get a mike in there.

Kitchen team
get into position,

But nobody goes in
until i say so.

Sir...

Shut up.

Copy that.

[british accent]
best man. How do you do?

Huh. Oh, excuse me,

But i rather think
you're wilting there, old boy.

Here we are.

There we are.

Toodle-oo.

Welcome back.

See you later, then.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Perhaps you'd like
to give a big hand

To gina and mike! Whoo!

[applause and cheering]

Queen:
¶ we are the champions ¶

¶ my friend ¶

You gotta
get in here, bob.

It's too late.
He's gonna die.

No. This has been
9 years.

Kitchen team.

Standing by.

Wait for my word.

¶ we are the champions ¶

¶ we are the champions ¶

¶ no time for losers ¶

¶ 'cause
we are the champions ¶

Look, we still got a chance.
Frank's got a mike.

But, uh...

What?

Vito gave him
a live gun.

¶ my friends ¶

[music fades out]

All right, all right.

Now can your clappin',
'cause here's you know who--

My new brother
and our bridegroom.

All right. Come on!

Mikey, we're waiting!

We're waiting, mikey!

You're getting married.

Thatta boy!

Ritchie: Whoo!

[silverware tapping glasses
throughout room]

[applause fades out]

Speak up! Ha ha.

[laughter]

Sorry.

This is making me
a bit nervous.

The last time
i had to speak at a wedding,

I was only supposed to propose
a toast to the bridesmaids.

I ended up proposing
an opening bid.

What's worse
is they both sold.

[audience laughing]

Where do you want it,
the head or the chest?

Come on.

Come on.

So, um...

I'll keep it simple...

Man: Good idea!

And just tell you
why i think today, for once,

I'm the one acquiring
the masterpiece.

[women awwing
sentimentally]

Firstly,
it goes without saying

I've always been a huge fan
of the italian school.

[cheering]

Come on,
speak to me, vito.

Secondly...

It's not working.

And most importantly,

They say that the, uh...

Real test
of a masterpiece...

Is whether
you instinctively know

It's something
you're gonna keep forever,

Love forever...

[women awwing
sentimentally]

Something you sense
you've always...

Don't think of it
as gaining a son.

If you don't do it,

You're losing
a daughter.

Sir?

No good.

In some cases...

In some cases...

In some cases,
it's even something

You'd be prepared to die
to protect.

That's certainly
the case here.

I'd rather die
than see any harm come to gina.

I love her
more than my own life.

And i hope i'm making myself
crystal clear on that point.

Death...

Is ok by me.

And now,
ladies and gentlemen,

The father of the bride.

[applause]

Man: Frankie!

For christ's sakes,
bob. This is it.

Damn it.

Kitchen team, go!

Go.

[women screaming]

Excuse me! Fbi!

Aah!

[women screaming]

[laughing]

It's bullshit!

Do it!

Vinnie!

Frank: No!

Vinnie, do it!

No! Do it!

No!

Vinnie, do it!

Frank: Vinnie!

I'm ordering you!
Kill her!

Yes! Got him.

Frank: Vinnie, no!

Fbi! Freeze!

No!

[screaming]

Ambulance! Now!

It's too late.

Let's go. Get over there!
Party's over!

On 3?

I'm ready. 3!

[siren]

[sniffles]

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

No, i'm sorry.

Gina: You should both
be sorry.

Gina: Ugh!

These things
are surprisingly painful.

Oh, my god.

It's a new rule of mine.

Always assume
you guys are hiding something.

[chuckles]

But how? Why di--

Because when i thought
of you with a gun, michael,

Suddenly i wanted a backup.

You did good.

Oh, my god.

Ha ha ha.

Oh, god.

Oh, my god.

Daddy.

I tell you, frank...

Her father might act
like a moron sometimes...

Vinnie?

So i retired.

I'm telling ya,
frankie,

The kid's a genius.

I mean,
think about it.

You got vito,

Vito thinks
he got his revenge,

And that's it.

Badda-bing.
You're even, huh?

You're in the clear.

All of youse.

How the hell could
you do this to me?

You were gonna
do it to me.

No, we did it
'cause we love you.

Same here.

What, you love...

Both of us?

I don't think so, michael.

Oh, my god.

Wasn't that the--

My god! Gina!

Gina!

P.A.: Welcome
to the halfway point...

Excuse me! Gina!

...In the annual
central park senior marathon!

Gina: No!

Gina.

Wait! No!

Leave me alone!

Listen! Listen!

Leave me alone!

This picture!
It isn't me! It isn't!

It's kansas city little
big mickey blue eyes.

What?

I was pretending
to be a mobster,

And i couldn't say
my rs,

And i had to kiss
the waitress

Or they would've
killed us.

Look! Look who's sitting
next to me.

Recognize that suit?

Is that dad?

Gina, this photo
means nothing.

So...

So who's
mickey blue eyes?

I am.

I mean, i was.

We just made him up.

Please come back,

And i'll explain
everything.

So when you said you were
with my dad that day...

You were...

I was telling
the truth.

You told me a lot
of other lies, michael.

I know.

I know. I...

I thought

It was the only way
to keep you.

But you were right.
It was...

The only sure way
to lose you.

So...

I was right.

You were.

And smarter than you
all along.

Yes.

And braver.

Much.

And more convincing
at being shot.

Infinitely.

Marry me, gina.

Would i have to be
mrs. Blue eyes?

Come he.

What?

Come he.

[sniffs]

What?

Id's me. Miggey.
Miggey blue.

Oh, please.

Louis prima: ¶ bop do dep
do dop do dit bah ¶

¶ boddee bonnie boop bah
doodle babba hooba ¶

¶ buona sera ¶

¶ signorina ¶

¶ buona sera ¶

¶ doot doot do wop ¶

¶ it is time to say
good night ¶

¶ to napoli ¶

¶ doot doot do wop ¶

¶ it is time for us
to whisper ¶

¶ buona sera ¶

¶ doot doot do wop ¶

¶ with that ol' moon
above ¶

¶ the mediterranean sea ¶

¶ mmm ¶

¶ in the morning,
signorina ¶

¶ we'll go walkin' ¶

¶ doot doot do wop ¶

¶ where the mountains help
the sun come into sight ¶

¶ doot doot do wop ¶

¶ and by the little
jewelry shop ¶

¶ we'll stop and linger ¶

¶ while i buy
a wedding ring ¶

¶ for your finger ¶

¶ in the meantime ¶

¶ let me tell you
that i love you ¶

¶ and buona sera ¶

¶ signorina ¶

¶ kiss me good-- ¶

[saxophone
honking]

[saxophone solo
starts]

[cheering
and clapping to music]

[song slows in tempo]

¶ by the little jewelry shop
we'll stop and linger ¶

¶ while i buy
a wedding ring ¶

¶ for your finger ¶

¶ in the meantime ¶

¶ let me tell you
that i love you ¶

¶ buona sera ¶

¶ signorina ¶

¶ kiss me good night ¶

¶ do wop ¶

¶ buona sera, signorina ¶

¶ kiss me good night ¶

[song tempo speeds up]

¶ buona sera, signorina ¶

¶ kiss me good night! ¶

[song ends]

[italian folk music playing]

Captioning made possible by
warner bros.

Captioned by the national
captioning institute
--www.Ncicap.Org--