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1
00:01:15,377 --> 00:01:16,478
Hi, Al Bundy here.
2
00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:17,611
Hot New
BOATS
3
00:01:17,776 --> 00:01:20,379
I got any income tax
refund and I wanna blow it all.
4
00:01:21,644 --> 00:01:25,080
How much for a subscription
to "Hot New Boats?"
5
00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:28,413
Gee, that's a little steep.
6
00:01:28,577 --> 00:01:31,280
You gonna have an issue
of "Hot New Hooters?"
7
00:01:33,077 --> 00:01:34,312
Hello?
8
00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:37,447
You know, Al, I know
how you could spend that refund.
9
00:01:37,611 --> 00:01:41,515
I saw this nice bonbon maker
on the Home Shopping Network.
10
00:01:41,678 --> 00:01:43,780
It would make my life a lot easier.
11
00:01:44,279 --> 00:01:48,216
Peg, if your life was any easier
you'd be in an urn in the garage.
12
00:01:49,612 --> 00:01:51,514
You know, you're gonna
change your tune...
13
00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:54,282
...when my homemade bonbons
go national.
14
00:01:54,446 --> 00:01:56,248
I've even got a slogan.
15
00:01:56,413 --> 00:01:59,082
"Put A Wanker In Your Mouth."
16
00:02:02,146 --> 00:02:05,349
No offence, but I wanted to use
my maiden name.
17
00:02:05,813 --> 00:02:07,515
Should use
your mother's maiden name.
18
00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:10,249
"Put An Entire Side of Beef
In Your Mouth."
19
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:13,615
All right, Al, now close your eyes.
20
00:02:13,781 --> 00:02:18,119
I want you to tell me which one
of these bonbons you like better.
21
00:02:19,248 --> 00:02:22,318
Now, I'm not gonna tell you
which one is mine.
22
00:02:25,482 --> 00:02:28,685
-Not bad.
-Okay.
23
00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:31,018
Now...
24
00:02:31,482 --> 00:02:33,450
...this one.
25
00:02:53,384 --> 00:02:55,019
So, what do you think?
26
00:02:55,184 --> 00:02:56,585
Well, it's...
27
00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:59,020
...got a lot of tang.
28
00:02:59,450 --> 00:03:03,488
Well, it should.
I used a whole jar of it.
29
00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:08,755
All right now, Al.
Tell me what you think, and be honest.
30
00:03:09,085 --> 00:03:11,454
Don't quit your day couch, Peg.
31
00:03:12,685 --> 00:03:14,520
You suck.
32
00:03:14,685 --> 00:03:17,254
I'm gonna go find Marcie.
Get a woman's opinion.
33
00:03:17,419 --> 00:03:19,488
Why, does she know one?
34
00:03:21,519 --> 00:03:23,421
Hey, Al.
35
00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:32,323
-Look, I really need to talk to--
-Hey, Jefferson, come here a minute.
36
00:03:32,487 --> 00:03:36,191
I want you to try
one of my homemade bonbons.
37
00:03:36,353 --> 00:03:38,789
-Okay.
-Okay.
38
00:03:45,454 --> 00:03:47,190
Where is it?
39
00:03:47,421 --> 00:03:49,557
In this meteorite?
40
00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:01,124
Fruity.
41
00:04:01,289 --> 00:04:04,158
Light. It's the most delicious thing--
42
00:04:04,322 --> 00:04:06,391
Peg's gone.
43
00:04:12,657 --> 00:04:16,327
-What's new?
-Oh, Al, you gotta help me.
44
00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:18,392
I have done something terrible.
45
00:04:18,557 --> 00:04:21,259
I know. I was at the wedding.
46
00:04:22,257 --> 00:04:24,092
Not that.
47
00:04:24,257 --> 00:04:27,260
You know how Marcie's always saying
I'm irresponsible with money?
48
00:04:27,424 --> 00:04:29,826
You mean because you haven't
had a job in three years.
49
00:04:31,691 --> 00:04:36,396
Just because I'm a house-husband
doesn't mean I don't work.
50
00:04:39,058 --> 00:04:42,528
Excuse me, Mr. Jefferson,
I have ironed your socks.
51
00:04:42,692 --> 00:04:46,629
May I please have my five minutes
for lunch now?
52
00:04:47,792 --> 00:04:49,294
No.
53
00:04:50,393 --> 00:04:52,161
Thank you.
54
00:04:56,226 --> 00:04:58,728
Oh, I'm in real trouble, Al.
55
00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:02,463
See, I wanted to prove to Marcie
that I was good with money.
56
00:05:02,627 --> 00:05:07,566
So when her $3000 tax refund came in,
I took it and I invested it.
57
00:05:07,727 --> 00:05:09,129
In what?
58
00:05:09,294 --> 00:05:10,728
Clothes.
59
00:05:12,028 --> 00:05:14,730
Look, Al, I've only got
a couple of hundred left.
60
00:05:15,061 --> 00:05:18,031
I need a good solid 15-to-1 shot.
61
00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:19,663
Well, it's a 15-to-1 shot...
62
00:05:19,828 --> 00:05:23,265
...the next time I'm having sex
Peg will ruin it by walking in on me.
63
00:05:24,595 --> 00:05:27,598
No, not good enough.
I need a sure bet.
64
00:05:27,762 --> 00:05:30,097
Well, it's a sure bet
that this time next year...
65
00:05:30,262 --> 00:05:32,831
...Marcie will be a member
of the Hair Club For Men.
66
00:05:38,429 --> 00:05:40,097
Forget it. I'll just ask somebody...
67
00:05:40,263 --> 00:05:43,099
...who knows more about money
than a shoe salesman.
68
00:05:45,564 --> 00:05:47,599
Yo! Paper boy.
69
00:05:56,830 --> 00:06:00,067
Dad, I gotta ask you a question.
70
00:06:00,231 --> 00:06:03,401
Because we get horny
and don't have the sense to say no.
71
00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:08,768
No. Not that question, Dad.
72
00:06:09,098 --> 00:06:12,268
Well, that's the only one
I have an answer to, Son.
73
00:06:12,599 --> 00:06:15,535
Dad, why is life so unfair?
74
00:06:15,699 --> 00:06:17,734
I mean, I go to college
and get good grades.
75
00:06:18,066 --> 00:06:21,436
-Yes, you do, Son.
-I'm certainly good looking.
76
00:06:24,700 --> 00:06:27,570
Yet some imbecile football player,
with the I.Q. of Buck…
77
00:06:27,733 --> 00:06:29,635
...gets girls, while I get nothing.
78
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:34,638
The secret of attracting the opposite
sex is in the mutual sniffing of butt.
79
00:06:36,634 --> 00:06:38,703
Bud, let me tell you something.
80
00:06:39,034 --> 00:06:41,570
I was once that imbecile.
81
00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:45,238
I was once that football player.
82
00:06:45,401 --> 00:06:50,072
And if it makes you feel any better,
I am what becomes of them.
83
00:06:52,335 --> 00:06:57,040
They have jobs like mine, houses
like mine and children like mine.
84
00:06:58,102 --> 00:07:00,171
I am your revenge.
85
00:07:01,269 --> 00:07:03,738
So you'd trade places with me?
86
00:07:04,036 --> 00:07:05,270
Are you kidding?
87
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,371
Well, I'm gonna get ready.
88
00:07:10,536 --> 00:07:13,506
Chad's gonna be here
in a few minutes to get tutored.
89
00:07:15,571 --> 00:07:19,474
The pig says, "Oink."
90
00:07:20,470 --> 00:07:22,573
Today is biology.
91
00:07:30,538 --> 00:07:32,640
Thank you, ladies.
Thank you, ladies.
92
00:07:32,805 --> 00:07:37,310
It's time for my lesson now,
but I'll be walking home in an hour.
93
00:07:42,673 --> 00:07:45,442
Don't you hate women hanging
all over you everywhere you go?
94
00:07:45,606 --> 00:07:48,275
Good thing we're at our sexual peak,
hey, buddy?
95
00:07:50,773 --> 00:07:52,508
Sure is.
96
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:58,709
Chad Dowling.
97
00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:01,709
-Tremaine's All-Star quarterback.
-Yes, sir.
98
00:08:02,041 --> 00:08:03,809
Pleasure to meet you, son.
99
00:08:04,141 --> 00:08:05,375
Al Bundy.
100
00:08:05,540 --> 00:08:08,143
I hope you don't mind me
calling you "son."
101
00:08:08,308 --> 00:08:09,776
No offence....
102
00:08:12,107 --> 00:08:14,410
-Bud.
-Bud. Yeah.
103
00:08:16,341 --> 00:08:18,543
I'm sure my son here
has told you all about me.
104
00:08:18,708 --> 00:08:21,611
Al Bundy. Polk High.
Four touchdowns, one game.
105
00:08:21,841 --> 00:08:24,511
Actually, he told me
more about his real father.
106
00:08:24,676 --> 00:08:29,113
The green beret who got lost
in that recon mission over in Nam.
107
00:08:31,609 --> 00:08:37,315
Yeah, well, his real mother,
the late Totie Fields, took that hard.
108
00:08:37,677 --> 00:08:39,212
Took that real hard.
109
00:08:39,376 --> 00:08:42,746
Well, come on. Let's sit down, son.
Let's talk a little football.
110
00:08:43,110 --> 00:08:44,245
Excuse me, Dad.
111
00:08:44,410 --> 00:08:46,378
You know, Mr. Bundy,
if you're such a fan...
112
00:08:46,543 --> 00:08:49,179
...you ought to come
to our homecoming game this weekend.
113
00:08:49,344 --> 00:08:53,415
We're playing our traditional rival, the
Sonora Screaming Desert Tortoises.
114
00:08:54,211 --> 00:08:56,479
Hey, I hear they're tough this year.
115
00:08:56,644 --> 00:08:59,080
-We got a lot of work--
-You ought to be there.
116
00:08:59,245 --> 00:09:01,480
-We're gonna kill them.
-You're that good, huh?
117
00:09:01,644 --> 00:09:05,081
No. Probably shouldn't
tell you this...
118
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:09,149
...but I just found out their quarterback
will be out on academic probation.
119
00:09:09,312 --> 00:09:13,282
Man, if we were allowed to cash in the
free cars the alumni gave us and bet...
120
00:09:13,446 --> 00:09:16,149
...I'd put the farm on this one.
121
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:19,449
Especially before the word gets out.
122
00:09:23,746 --> 00:09:27,717
The cow says, "Moo."
123
00:09:29,113 --> 00:09:30,682
What is it, Al?
124
00:09:30,846 --> 00:09:32,215
-Jefferson?
-Yeah?
125
00:09:32,380 --> 00:09:35,150
-Look over there. You see that kid?
-Yeah.
126
00:09:35,314 --> 00:09:37,282
That's your 15-to-1 shot.
127
00:09:37,447 --> 00:09:43,119
If a cow says, "Moo,"
does a moose say, "Cow?"
128
00:09:47,715 --> 00:09:51,152
What am I betting,
that one day he'll sell shoes?
129
00:09:53,282 --> 00:09:55,818
That's Chad Dowling,
Tremaine's All-Star quarterback.
130
00:09:56,149 --> 00:09:58,518
He told me that the quarterback
for the opposing team…
131
00:09:58,683 --> 00:10:02,153
…is out on probation and won't play
in the big game on Saturday…
132
00:10:02,316 --> 00:10:05,118
...but the best part is...
133
00:10:05,283 --> 00:10:07,719
...nobody knows about it yet.
134
00:10:08,217 --> 00:10:09,685
Are you sure about this, Al?
135
00:10:09,849 --> 00:10:13,253
Because if you're not,
Marcie's gonna hurt me bad.
136
00:10:14,850 --> 00:10:21,424
Jefferson, do you think I would bet
my $17.34 tax refund if I wasn't sure?
137
00:10:21,585 --> 00:10:24,287
I don't know much,
but I know football.
138
00:10:24,818 --> 00:10:26,720
You're right on both counts.
139
00:10:27,051 --> 00:10:30,621
Oh, Al, you're the last friend
I've ever had.
140
00:10:30,785 --> 00:10:33,087
I gotta go call my bookie.
141
00:10:33,252 --> 00:10:35,854
Okay, Chad, look,
we covered a lot of ground today…
142
00:10:36,185 --> 00:10:37,787
...so just go home and get some rest.
143
00:10:38,085 --> 00:10:39,620
Yeah, I'm beat.
144
00:10:39,786 --> 00:10:42,388
It's like when you've had
so much sex you can barely--
145
00:10:42,552 --> 00:10:44,588
Just get out, okay?
146
00:10:46,253 --> 00:10:47,821
It was nice to meet you, Mr. Bundy.
147
00:10:48,153 --> 00:10:50,555
And by the way,
why didn't you ever play college ball?
148
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:54,157
Well, that's a long, sad story, Chad.
149
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,654
Excuse us.
150
00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,223
It was 20 years ago...
151
00:11:00,387 --> 00:11:02,523
...Polk High's big game.
152
00:11:02,688 --> 00:11:05,457
My girlfriend at the time--
Well, later became my wife...
153
00:11:05,621 --> 00:11:07,756
...but that's another tragic tale.
154
00:11:08,588 --> 00:11:11,757
--had this little habit of shouting at me
while I was in the game.
155
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:14,691
Of course, I hated that, so of course,
she shouted at me...
156
00:11:14,854 --> 00:11:16,856
...one time
when a 300-pound linebacker...
157
00:11:17,188 --> 00:11:19,157
...was barreling down on me...
158
00:11:19,322 --> 00:11:22,725
...and when I came to,
I had two kids and was selling shoes.
159
00:11:23,288 --> 00:11:26,425
-Whoa, tough luck.
-Well, but I bounced right back.
160
00:11:26,589 --> 00:11:29,425
I mean, when I'm 65
I'll get the golden shoehorn.
161
00:11:29,590 --> 00:11:33,493
Which I can sharpen
and fall onto when I'm 66.
162
00:11:33,756 --> 00:11:38,161
So, what I'm trying to say, son,
is learn from my mistakes.
163
00:11:38,324 --> 00:11:41,360
Don't ever let a woman
take over your life.
164
00:11:41,524 --> 00:11:44,594
Oh, you don't have to worry
about me, Mr. Bundy.
165
00:11:44,757 --> 00:11:47,627
I'm way too young to fall in love.
166
00:11:48,224 --> 00:11:50,392
Hey, Daddy, guess what?
167
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:08,394
Oh, pumpkin?
168
00:12:09,459 --> 00:12:11,461
Oh, Chad?
169
00:12:12,492 --> 00:12:14,394
Oh, no!
170
00:12:20,260 --> 00:12:23,763
So anyway, Marcie,
I just tripled a few of the ingredients.
171
00:12:24,093 --> 00:12:29,265
Well, actually, I tripled the sugar
and added a little bit more caffeine.
172
00:12:29,694 --> 00:12:32,363
So tell me,
do you think it's too much?
173
00:12:32,527 --> 00:12:34,495
No, I think they're great.
Give me more.
174
00:12:34,660 --> 00:12:38,264
I don't care what the scientists say
about sugar, they lie. I hate them all.
175
00:12:39,428 --> 00:12:41,463
Al's home. I hate you.
Welcome home, Al.
176
00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,396
How was your day?
I've had a great day.
177
00:12:43,561 --> 00:12:46,231
Haven't got my tax refund.
It'll come soon. Gonna be big.
178
00:12:46,395 --> 00:12:49,365
Have you tasted Peggy's bonbons?
I wonder what's on TV tonight.
179
00:12:49,529 --> 00:12:52,565
It's Sunday. Oh, no, Carlin's on.
Al's home. Hi, Al.
180
00:13:00,796 --> 00:13:04,266
Who put the battery
in the Energizer Chicken?
181
00:13:05,730 --> 00:13:10,501
Gee, maybe I made this batch
a tad too sweet.
182
00:13:10,663 --> 00:13:12,665
Here, Buck, what do you think?
183
00:13:12,830 --> 00:13:15,299
Peg, have you seen Kelly and Chad?
184
00:13:15,464 --> 00:13:17,099
Yeah. They went to the zoo.
185
00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:19,266
Yeah, but I heard
he missed practice today.
186
00:13:19,431 --> 00:13:22,334
-So?
-So? Peg, don't you understand...
187
00:13:22,497 --> 00:13:23,732
...if Chad doesn't--
188
00:13:28,365 --> 00:13:32,135
You know, it's not gonna be
a pretty sight when she crashes.
189
00:13:33,365 --> 00:13:34,600
Or when he does.
190
00:13:34,765 --> 00:13:38,236
I'm gonna kill them. I'm gonna wait
until they're asleep, then kill them.
191
00:13:38,399 --> 00:13:42,237
Then I'm gonna eat them. Kill them,
eat them, then bury their bones.
192
00:13:43,166 --> 00:13:44,567
I knew this would happen.
193
00:13:44,733 --> 00:13:47,869
Kelly's making it hard for Chad
to concentrate on the game.
194
00:13:48,199 --> 00:13:51,436
Relax, Al.
They're just a couple of kids in love.
195
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,135
They remind me of us
when we were that age.
196
00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:57,070
That's exactly why
I have to put a stop to it.
197
00:14:01,267 --> 00:14:05,238
I used to have such pretty hair.
198
00:14:05,401 --> 00:14:09,806
Where, oh, where is my pretty hair?
199
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,569
I'm getting old.
200
00:14:13,735 --> 00:14:17,405
I knew it when I stopped
lifting my leg to pee.
201
00:14:19,269 --> 00:14:22,405
My God, I'm peeing right now.
202
00:14:28,569 --> 00:14:32,873
Help me, bonbon lady,
please help me.
203
00:14:33,203 --> 00:14:35,472
Oh, come on, Marcie.
204
00:14:35,637 --> 00:14:37,672
Maybe shopping
will make you feel better.
205
00:14:37,837 --> 00:14:41,774
Well, it would
if my income tax would come.
206
00:14:42,104 --> 00:14:46,442
By the way, do you know
that your dog is wetting the floor?
207
00:14:46,604 --> 00:14:51,642
Yeah, but in his defense,
at least he wasn't aiming for the toilet.
208
00:14:54,438 --> 00:14:57,841
You know, I feel really good
about this biology exam.
209
00:14:58,172 --> 00:15:02,276
I mean, with all this knowledge
of animals, maybe I'll be a veteran.
210
00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:06,840
It's not "veteran."
211
00:15:07,172 --> 00:15:09,341
It's "vegetarian."
212
00:15:11,406 --> 00:15:14,443
God, you're smart.
213
00:15:14,673 --> 00:15:17,109
God, you're wonderful.
214
00:15:17,273 --> 00:15:18,774
I have to go upstairs for a minute.
215
00:15:19,106 --> 00:15:20,874
Daddy, will you entertain
Chad for me?
216
00:15:21,206 --> 00:15:23,275
Certainly, pumpkin.
217
00:15:25,374 --> 00:15:30,079
-She's beautiful, isn't she?
-Yes, she certainly is.
218
00:15:30,241 --> 00:15:32,776
What do you think
you're doing, Chad?
219
00:15:33,241 --> 00:15:35,109
You missed football practice today.
220
00:15:35,274 --> 00:15:36,775
There was practice today?
221
00:15:37,108 --> 00:15:38,876
Man, time just stops
when I'm with Kelly.
222
00:15:39,574 --> 00:15:41,876
Chad, you do not want Kelly.
223
00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:46,279
From the moment she was conceived
she's ruined men's lives.
224
00:15:46,875 --> 00:15:50,846
All men.
Swaggart, Bakker, Kennedy...
225
00:15:51,575 --> 00:15:53,811
...Kennedy, Kennedy...
226
00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:57,578
...Swaggart again.
227
00:15:57,876 --> 00:16:00,713
-Please don't make me relive this.
-But, Mr. Bundy...
228
00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:02,578
...Kelly is very special to me.
229
00:16:02,743 --> 00:16:05,579
And it's not just a physical thing.
230
00:16:05,743 --> 00:16:08,246
Well, it's mostly physical.
231
00:16:08,611 --> 00:16:10,179
Listen to me, Chad.
232
00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:15,449
You must forget about Kelly
and concentrate on the game.
233
00:16:15,611 --> 00:16:17,212
Chad?
234
00:16:20,144 --> 00:16:22,080
Chad?
235
00:16:23,245 --> 00:16:26,281
If I was younger and didn't
have a 20-pound bonbon in my belly...
236
00:16:26,445 --> 00:16:28,380
...I'd play that game myself.
237
00:16:28,545 --> 00:16:30,580
What game?
238
00:16:32,878 --> 00:16:36,349
-Hi, Chad.
-Hi, Kelly.
239
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:48,182
I missed you so much.
240
00:16:48,347 --> 00:16:49,748
I'll never leave you again.
241
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,582
Oh, except when I have to go
to the bathroom.
242
00:16:52,747 --> 00:16:55,783
-Oh, Kelly.
-Oh, Chad.
243
00:17:06,448 --> 00:17:09,784
So I'm out $17.34.
244
00:17:10,115 --> 00:17:12,884
So I'll just take it
from the register tomorrow.
245
00:17:14,249 --> 00:17:16,451
Al, you're the greatest.
246
00:17:16,616 --> 00:17:19,285
When I told my bookie
this inside information…
247
00:17:19,449 --> 00:17:22,518
…he bet a hundred grand
of his own money.
248
00:17:23,149 --> 00:17:26,586
Even the jukebox guys are in on it.
249
00:17:27,250 --> 00:17:32,388
With their 500 grand,
my 200 and your $17.34...
250
00:17:32,550 --> 00:17:34,485
…we're gonna make a killing.
251
00:17:34,650 --> 00:17:37,419
You're gonna be a hero, Al.
252
00:17:37,583 --> 00:17:39,852
You're gonna be kibble, Al.
253
00:17:41,384 --> 00:17:44,887
Now, pumpkin, I want you to know
that I'm very fond of Chad...
254
00:17:45,217 --> 00:17:48,654
…and I know that you're very happy
with him…
255
00:17:48,884 --> 00:17:52,488
…but I think maybe it's time
you started seeing other guys.
256
00:17:52,651 --> 00:17:56,288
Daddy, I do see other guys.
257
00:17:57,485 --> 00:18:01,489
They're everywhere. I see them driving,
I see them walking, at the park.
258
00:18:01,652 --> 00:18:04,154
Pumpkin!
That's not what Daddy meant.
259
00:18:04,319 --> 00:18:09,591
I meant, I think it's time you
started to date other guys.
260
00:18:09,753 --> 00:18:12,522
Daddy, I am mature enough
to make my own decisions.
261
00:18:12,686 --> 00:18:14,788
You do anything to stand
between me and Chad...
262
00:18:15,087 --> 00:18:17,189
...I am gonna hold my breast
until I turn blue.
263
00:18:17,354 --> 00:18:19,322
Okay.
264
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:21,788
Okay, okay.
265
00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:26,358
If Chad is what you want,
I will not stand in your way.
266
00:18:28,754 --> 00:18:33,692
I said if Chad is what you want,
I will not stand in your way.
267
00:18:40,488 --> 00:18:42,824
Well, glory be...
268
00:18:43,155 --> 00:18:47,393
...pumpkin, look,
it's your old boyfriend, Stab Wound.
269
00:18:48,822 --> 00:18:51,358
Hey, Stab,
well, what are you doing here?
270
00:18:51,522 --> 00:18:53,491
Well, you called, and--
271
00:18:54,422 --> 00:18:56,891
How long has it been, Stab?
About five years?
272
00:18:57,223 --> 00:19:00,493
-Three. Good behavior.
-Come on in here.
273
00:19:00,657 --> 00:19:04,427
Kelly, you remember Stab Wound,
don't you?
274
00:19:07,190 --> 00:19:09,692
Say hello, Kelly.
275
00:19:17,191 --> 00:19:19,326
-Get out.
-Okay.
276
00:19:21,691 --> 00:19:24,127
Well, that was 20 bucks well spent.
277
00:19:25,092 --> 00:19:27,794
All right, look, pumpkin,
I'm gonna level with you.
278
00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:29,827
At tomorrow's game...
279
00:19:30,158 --> 00:19:33,362
...there's gonna be some very powerful
men who will not breathe easy...
280
00:19:33,525 --> 00:19:35,194
...until Chad wins the game.
281
00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:40,597
Well, maybe if they used both nostrils
they'd breathe easier in the first place.
282
00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:45,831
Pumpkin, do you wanna go trolling
in Lake Michigan for your Daddy?
283
00:19:46,159 --> 00:19:47,694
-No.
-All right.
284
00:19:47,860 --> 00:19:50,863
Then you have to make sure
that Chad's team wins.
285
00:19:51,194 --> 00:19:54,097
Understand? Chad's team has to win.
286
00:19:57,227 --> 00:19:58,629
Gin. I win again.
287
00:19:58,794 --> 00:20:02,265
Yeah, this sure beats the hell
out of having sex.
288
00:20:02,427 --> 00:20:04,162
Well, I better get off to the game.
289
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:06,264
How about a kiss goodbye?
290
00:20:06,562 --> 00:20:10,599
No sugar
until after you win the game.
291
00:20:17,862 --> 00:20:21,099
-Right after?
-Right after.
292
00:20:21,263 --> 00:20:24,566
Man, I'm gonna smoke that team.
293
00:20:26,563 --> 00:20:28,231
Oh, wait, I almost forgot.
294
00:20:28,396 --> 00:20:30,798
I have a good-luck charm for you.
Daddy, is it okay?
295
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:33,866
-It's fine, pumpkin.
-Oh, good. Come on.
296
00:20:36,497 --> 00:20:40,334
Now, wait here. It's a surprise.
297
00:20:41,430 --> 00:20:42,832
I gotta hand it to you, Al.
298
00:20:43,164 --> 00:20:45,066
Now I'm gonna be able
to prove to Marcie...
299
00:20:45,231 --> 00:20:47,600
...that I am financially responsible.
300
00:20:47,764 --> 00:20:49,733
-Where is Marcie?
-In jail.
301
00:20:49,897 --> 00:20:54,269
She slapped an IRS agent
for not giving her a refund check.
302
00:20:55,132 --> 00:20:59,236
-Okay, here it is.
-This is your good-luck charm?
303
00:20:59,399 --> 00:21:00,767
Yeah. His name is Skittles.
304
00:21:00,932 --> 00:21:03,835
And as long as he's near you
nothing bad can happen to you.
305
00:21:04,165 --> 00:21:05,400
Here.
306
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:08,234
Wait...
307
00:21:08,399 --> 00:21:10,134
...the pig is my good-luck charm.
308
00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:12,535
That's my evil giraffe, Gonzar!
309
00:21:15,667 --> 00:21:18,536
Chad! Chad!
310
00:21:18,700 --> 00:21:21,770
-Say something, Chad!
-I think I broke my arm.
311
00:21:22,101 --> 00:21:24,370
Say something else.
312
00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:26,569
I know I broke my arm.
313
00:21:26,734 --> 00:21:28,869
Al! The bet!
314
00:21:29,201 --> 00:21:31,436
What are we gonna do?
315
00:21:38,168 --> 00:21:41,138
And that's the final score.
The Tremaine Jacksons: 56.
316
00:21:41,302 --> 00:21:44,138
The Sonora Screaming
Desert Tortoises: 3.
317
00:21:44,302 --> 00:21:47,739
We did it! We did it! I'm rich.
318
00:21:47,902 --> 00:21:50,605
How about that performance
from the Windy City Condoms'...
319
00:21:50,769 --> 00:21:53,739
...player of the game,
the quarterback, Chad Dowling?
320
00:21:53,902 --> 00:21:54,903
GO TREMAINE
321
00:21:55,236 --> 00:21:57,505
Chad, come on over here, buddy.
Let me talk to you.
322
00:21:58,236 --> 00:22:02,641
Now, you threw for five touchdown
passes, you ran for two more....
323
00:22:02,803 --> 00:22:04,605
…you set a new collegiate record.
324
00:22:04,770 --> 00:22:07,406
Tell me, what are you gonna do now?
-Well...
325
00:22:07,571 --> 00:22:10,240
...I'm going to Disneyland.
25323
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