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1
00:00:15,793 --> 00:00:17,862
LOVE AND MARRIAGE
2
00:00:17,931 --> 00:00:20,586
LOVE AND MARRIAGE
3
00:00:20,655 --> 00:00:24,413
GO TOGETHER LIKE
A HORSE AND CARRIAGE
4
00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:28,551
THIS I TELL YA,
BROTHER
5
00:00:28,620 --> 00:00:30,275
YOU CAN'T HAVE ONE
6
00:00:30,344 --> 00:00:33,172
WITHOUT THE OTHER
7
00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:35,206
LOVE AND MARRIAGE
8
00:00:35,275 --> 00:00:38,103
LOVE AND MARRIAGE
9
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:42,275
IT'S AN INSTITUTE
YOU CAN'T DISPARAGE
10
00:00:42,344 --> 00:00:46,000
ASK THE LOCAL GENTRY
11
00:00:46,068 --> 00:00:50,482
AND THEY WILL SAY
IT'S ELEMENTARY
12
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:55,413
TRY, TRY, TRY
TO SEPARATE THEM
13
00:00:55,482 --> 00:00:59,103
IT'S AN ILLUSION
14
00:00:59,172 --> 00:01:04,655
TRY, TRY, TRY
AND YOU WILL ONLY COME
15
00:01:06,068 --> 00:01:07,551
TO THIS CONCLUSION
16
00:01:07,620 --> 00:01:10,724
LOVE AND MARRIAGE
17
00:01:15,379 --> 00:01:17,241
GREAT SANDWICH, MOM.
18
00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:19,620
BE GRATEFUL
TO OUR LATE AUNT STUMPY
19
00:01:19,689 --> 00:01:23,586
FOR LEAVING US
HER REFRIGERATOR FULL OF FOOD.
20
00:01:23,655 --> 00:01:25,724
SHE DIDN'T EXACTLY
LEAVE IT TO US.
21
00:01:25,793 --> 00:01:27,137
WE TOOK IT
OFF THE BACK PORCH
22
00:01:27,206 --> 00:01:30,965
WHILE EVERYONE ELSE
WAS AT THE FUNERAL.
23
00:01:31,034 --> 00:01:32,827
DON'T YOU THINK WE SHOULD TELL
DAD ABOUT THE FRIDGE?
24
00:01:32,896 --> 00:01:35,137
NO. I'M SURE
HE MADE OUT FINE.
25
00:01:35,206 --> 00:01:36,482
IT WAS AN OPEN CASKET.
26
00:01:36,551 --> 00:01:38,517
HE PROBABLY
GOT THE WATCH.
27
00:01:41,586 --> 00:01:43,344
REFRIGERATOR'S
HIDDEN IN THE GARAGE.
28
00:01:43,413 --> 00:01:44,827
DAD'LL NEVER KNOW
IT'S THERE.
29
00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:46,103
IT'S CONCEALED
SO WELL,
30
00:01:46,172 --> 00:01:48,586
EVEN A CLEVER MAN
COULDN'T FIND IT.
31
00:01:57,896 --> 00:02:01,103
I HATE THOSE COMPLAINT
BOXES AT THE MALL.
32
00:02:01,172 --> 00:02:02,793
A WOMAN COMES IN
THE SHOE STORE TODAY,
33
00:02:02,862 --> 00:02:05,241
SO HUGE SHE'S
PROTECTED BY GREENPEACE,
34
00:02:06,482 --> 00:02:08,482
AND ASKS
FOR A SIZE 4 SHOE.
35
00:02:13,172 --> 00:02:15,482
SO I ASK HER IF SHE
WANTS TO EAT THEM THERE
36
00:02:15,551 --> 00:02:17,551
OR TAKE THEM HOME,
37
00:02:17,620 --> 00:02:21,448
AND SHE HAS THE NERVE TO
COMPLAIN ABOUT MY PERFORMANCE.
38
00:02:21,517 --> 00:02:24,862
HONEY, I COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR
PERFORMANCE ALL THE TIME.
39
00:02:25,689 --> 00:02:27,344
YOU DON'T CARE.
40
00:02:27,413 --> 00:02:29,724
SOMETIMES YOU
DON'T EVEN WAKE UP.
41
00:02:31,586 --> 00:02:34,482
UNLIKE SEX WITH YOU,
THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME.
42
00:02:36,586 --> 00:02:38,206
THE MALL MANAGER
IS THREATENING
43
00:02:38,275 --> 00:02:41,000
TO TAKE AWAY THE ONLY
JOY I HAVE AT WORK.
44
00:02:41,068 --> 00:02:43,413
THEY'RE SHUTTING OFF
THE PLUMBING?
45
00:02:45,172 --> 00:02:46,482
THE OTHER JOY.
46
00:02:46,551 --> 00:02:48,965
THEY'RE THREATENING
TO TAKE AWAY MY PARKING SPACE,
47
00:02:49,034 --> 00:02:51,137
THE ONE THAT'S CLOSER THAN ALL
THE OTHER EMPLOYEES'
48
00:02:51,206 --> 00:02:52,758
BECAUSE I'VE BEEN
THERE THE LONGEST.
49
00:02:52,827 --> 00:02:55,413
SO YOU'LL HAVE TO WALK
AN EXTRA HALF MILE.
50
00:02:55,482 --> 00:02:57,344
IT WON'T KILL YOU.
51
00:02:57,413 --> 00:02:59,758
OH, NO, PEG.
IT WON'T KILL ME.
52
00:02:59,827 --> 00:03:01,068
THAT'S YOUR JOB.
53
00:03:02,793 --> 00:03:04,241
BUT I EARNED
THAT PARKING SPOT.
54
00:03:04,310 --> 00:03:05,482
IT'S MINE.
55
00:03:05,551 --> 00:03:07,862
I STARTED AT THE END OF THE
LOT BY THE STREET,
56
00:03:07,931 --> 00:03:10,379
WHERE IT HELPS
TO SPEAK SPANISH.
57
00:03:10,448 --> 00:03:13,103
10 YEARS LATER,
OR SHOULD I SAY DIEZ ANOS,
58
00:03:15,275 --> 00:03:17,655
THEY FINALLY
PUT MY NAME ON THE BEST SPOT,
59
00:03:17,724 --> 00:03:18,931
"AL BUDNY."
60
00:03:20,241 --> 00:03:21,379
I WAS SO HAPPY.
61
00:03:21,448 --> 00:03:23,448
BUT NOW, IF I INSULT
ONE MORE WOMAN
62
00:03:23,517 --> 00:03:24,620
BEFORE THE END
OF THE MONTH,
63
00:03:24,689 --> 00:03:26,413
THEY'LL
TAKE MY SPOT AWAY.
64
00:03:26,482 --> 00:03:29,068
JUST CALL IN SICK
FOR THE NEXT 27 DAYS.
65
00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:30,793
OH NO, NO NO.
66
00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:32,517
WE CAN'T AFFORD THAT.
67
00:03:32,586 --> 00:03:34,103
THEN THEY'D DOCK HIS PAY,
AND
68
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:38,758
WE'D BE OUT HUNDREDS
AND HUNDREDS OF LOOSE CHANGE.
69
00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:42,241
I WON'T GIVE UP MY PARKING
SPACE WITHOUT A FIGHT!
70
00:03:42,310 --> 00:03:43,517
ANYONE CAN
GO THREE WEEKS
71
00:03:43,586 --> 00:03:44,586
WITHOUT
INSULTING A WOMAN.
72
00:03:44,655 --> 00:03:46,482
I'LL BET $5.00 YOU CAN'T.
73
00:03:46,551 --> 00:03:47,724
I WILL
TAKE THAT BET,
74
00:03:47,793 --> 00:03:49,724
YOU BONBON-BINGEING
BOZO!
75
00:03:58,344 --> 00:04:00,482
MR. BUNDY, SINCE YOU LOSE
YOUR PARKING SPOT
76
00:04:00,551 --> 00:04:02,172
IF YOU GET
ONE MORE COMPLAINT,
77
00:04:02,241 --> 00:04:05,517
MAYBE I SHOULD HANDLE
OUR WOMEN CUSTOMERS.
78
00:04:05,586 --> 00:04:07,551
IT'S NOT NECESSARY, AARON.
79
00:04:07,620 --> 00:04:09,206
I'M BEING NICE TO WOMEN
80
00:04:09,275 --> 00:04:10,448
FOR THE NEXT
THREE WEEKS.
81
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:12,551
NO ONE ON
GOD'S FOUL EARTH
82
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:15,275
WILL COME BETWEEN ME
AND MY SLAB OF TAR.
83
00:04:20,965 --> 00:04:23,344
DON'T YOU HAVE
ANYTHING ELSE TO DO?
84
00:04:25,310 --> 00:04:26,379
ALL RIGHT.
85
00:04:26,448 --> 00:04:28,000
HI, AL.
86
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:31,275
PEGGY TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR
LITTLE COMPLAINT PROBLEM.
87
00:04:31,344 --> 00:04:32,344
THERE'S NO PROBLEM.
88
00:04:32,413 --> 00:04:33,586
I'M STILL
UNDER MY QUOTA.
89
00:04:33,655 --> 00:04:35,655
OH, THAT'S VERY GOOD.
90
00:04:35,724 --> 00:04:39,620
OF COURSE, I DON'T SEE
ANY CUSTOMERS HERE YET.
91
00:04:39,689 --> 00:04:44,206
NOPE. NO ONE HERE
BUT US CHICKENS.
92
00:04:49,241 --> 00:04:53,068
ACTUALLY, I WAS JUST ON MY WAY
BACK FROM THE SUPERMARKET.
93
00:04:53,137 --> 00:04:56,034
IT SEEMS I WAS ALL OUT
OF...EGGS.
94
00:05:02,689 --> 00:05:03,793
SOME OF THE GIRLS
95
00:05:03,862 --> 00:05:05,034
ARE GOING TO
BE STOPPING BY LATER
96
00:05:05,103 --> 00:05:07,965
FOR WHAT I GUESS YOU
COULD CALL A HEN PARTY.
97
00:05:11,137 --> 00:05:12,413
OH, COME ON, AL.
98
00:05:12,482 --> 00:05:15,068
YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T
KEEP THIS UP ALL MONTH.
99
00:05:15,137 --> 00:05:19,068
EVENTUALLY, SOME POOR,
CALORICALLY CHALLENGED WOMAN
100
00:05:19,137 --> 00:05:21,379
IS GOING TO COME
THROUGH THOSE DOORS,
101
00:05:21,448 --> 00:05:22,620
AND YOU'RE GOING
TO INSULT HER
102
00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:24,793
BECAUSE YOU DON'T
KNOW THE FIRST THING
103
00:05:24,862 --> 00:05:27,034
ABOUT POLITICALLY
CORRECT BEHAVIOR.
104
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,068
WHAT DOES
THAT HAVE TO DO
105
00:05:29,137 --> 00:05:31,068
WITH OBNOXIOUS
FAT WOMEN?
106
00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:35,310
TODAY'S OBESE WOMAN
SIMPLY FEELS
107
00:05:35,379 --> 00:05:36,862
THAT IT'S HER RIGHT
TO BE HEAVY
108
00:05:36,931 --> 00:05:38,896
AND DOESN'T
WANT TO BE INSULTED.
109
00:05:38,965 --> 00:05:42,896
SO, WHEN SOME MOO-COW
THUNDERS IN HERE
110
00:05:42,965 --> 00:05:45,827
WITH A PIE
UNDER EACH CHIN...
111
00:05:45,896 --> 00:05:47,310
I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO ASK
112
00:05:47,379 --> 00:05:49,586
IF THAT'S THE STAR SPANGLED
BANNERSHE'S BELCHING
113
00:05:49,655 --> 00:05:52,965
SO I'LL KNOW WHETHER
TO SIT OR STAND?
114
00:05:53,034 --> 00:05:54,931
ALL I'M SAYING...
115
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:58,379
OH, YE OF LITTLE DEODORANT,
116
00:05:58,448 --> 00:06:01,655
IS THAT YOU MUST LEARN
TO TREAT ALL PEOPLE THE SAME.
117
00:06:01,724 --> 00:06:02,793
EVERYONE?
118
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:04,206
EVERYONE.
119
00:06:04,275 --> 00:06:05,724
EVEN MIDGETS?
120
00:06:07,344 --> 00:06:09,310
EVERYONE, YOU WIENERHEAD.
121
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:11,379
NOW...
122
00:06:11,448 --> 00:06:13,275
I WOULD REALLY LOVE
TO STAY
123
00:06:13,344 --> 00:06:15,551
AND SEE YOU GO DOWN
FOR THE THIRD TIME,
124
00:06:15,620 --> 00:06:17,068
BUT I HAVE TO GET HOME.
125
00:06:17,137 --> 00:06:19,206
I, UH,
PROMISED JEFFERSON...
126
00:06:21,793 --> 00:06:24,034
I'D COOK HIM
A FRYER FOR DINNER.
127
00:06:27,482 --> 00:06:28,724
EW.
128
00:06:28,793 --> 00:06:32,172
I SO WANTED IT
TO BE ME.
129
00:06:32,965 --> 00:06:34,793
THAT WAS CLOSE.
130
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:37,206
I'LL TAKE CARE
OF THIS ONE.
131
00:06:37,275 --> 00:06:38,344
GO IN THE BACK ROOM
132
00:06:38,413 --> 00:06:41,827
AND DO WHATEVER IT IS
YOU DO FOR HOURS ON END.
133
00:06:41,896 --> 00:06:43,206
IT'S CALLED INVENTORY.
134
00:06:43,275 --> 00:06:45,586
YOU CALL IT
WHATEVER YOU WANT TO.
135
00:06:47,758 --> 00:06:50,965
UH, EXCUSE ME, MADAM.
HOW MAY I SERVE YOU?
136
00:06:51,034 --> 00:06:53,275
DO YOU HAVE THIS
IN AN 8 DOUBLE-A?
137
00:06:53,344 --> 00:06:54,379
LET ME CHECK.
138
00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:56,620
HURRY. I DON'T
HAVE MUCH TIME.
139
00:07:20,793 --> 00:07:22,448
EXCUSE ME, MISS...
140
00:07:23,724 --> 00:07:25,724
ARE YOU SITTING
ON SOMEONE?
141
00:07:26,965 --> 00:07:28,000
WHAT?
142
00:07:28,068 --> 00:07:30,620
OH, OH, NO. I'M SORRY.
EXCUSE ME. UH...
143
00:07:30,689 --> 00:07:32,862
HOW MAY I SERVE YOU?
144
00:07:32,931 --> 00:07:35,517
HOW DO YOU THINK THIS
WOULD LOOK ON ME?
145
00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:39,551
I WEAR A SIZE 4.
146
00:07:47,724 --> 00:07:51,724
I HAVE TINY TOES,
DON'T YOU THINK?
147
00:07:53,793 --> 00:07:55,379
OH, YES, INDEED.
148
00:07:57,931 --> 00:07:59,724
FOR SAUSAGES.
149
00:07:59,793 --> 00:08:00,793
SAUSAGES.
150
00:08:00,862 --> 00:08:01,862
SAUSAGES.
151
00:08:01,931 --> 00:08:03,034
SAUSAGES.
152
00:08:03,103 --> 00:08:04,344
SAUSAGES.
153
00:08:07,344 --> 00:08:11,551
NOW, BEFORE WE GET TO THE MAIN
TOPIC OF TONIGHT'S MEETING,
154
00:08:11,620 --> 00:08:12,965
WHICH IS WHAT IS
THIS COUNTRY COMING TO
155
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:14,034
WHEN A MAN CAN'T SPEAK FREELY
156
00:08:14,103 --> 00:08:17,137
WITHOUT LOSING
HIS PARKING SPACE,
157
00:08:17,206 --> 00:08:19,896
WE'LL HEAR THE MINUTES
OF OUR LAST MEETING.
158
00:08:19,965 --> 00:08:21,000
JEFFERSON.
159
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:23,034
THANK YOU.
AHEM.
160
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:25,275
THE MEETING WAS
CALLED TO ORDER AT 8:00.
161
00:08:25,344 --> 00:08:26,724
WE DISCUSSED
PROS AND CONS
162
00:08:26,793 --> 00:08:29,379
OF THE SINGLE URINAL
VERSUS THE TROUGH.
163
00:08:32,068 --> 00:08:34,275
AT 8:15, WE VOTED
ON WHETHER OR NOT
164
00:08:34,344 --> 00:08:37,000
WE'D RATHER
DO ANN-MARGRET OR ALAN ARKIN.
165
00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:40,379
UH...
166
00:08:40,448 --> 00:08:42,517
THAT SHOULD
BE ELLEN BARKIN.
167
00:08:46,862 --> 00:08:48,931
DAD'S IN THE GARAGE
WITH HIS FRIENDS.
168
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,586
HOW DO WE GET TO
OUR REFRIGERATOR?
169
00:08:51,655 --> 00:08:52,758
ARE THEY ALL MEN?
170
00:08:52,827 --> 00:08:53,827
YEAH.
171
00:08:53,896 --> 00:08:55,241
NO PROBLEM.
172
00:08:58,931 --> 00:09:01,241
YOU SEE, THERE ARE SEVERAL
GENETIC FLAWS IN ALL MEN
173
00:09:01,310 --> 00:09:02,344
THAT CAN BE ACTED ON
174
00:09:02,413 --> 00:09:04,724
FOR REASONS
OF DISTRACTION.
175
00:09:04,793 --> 00:09:07,344
I SHALL DEMONSTRATE
THE STRANGEST ONE.
176
00:09:10,034 --> 00:09:11,413
OOPS.
177
00:09:11,482 --> 00:09:14,517
I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU GUYS WERE IN HERE.
178
00:09:15,310 --> 00:09:16,724
OH, LOOK...
179
00:09:16,793 --> 00:09:17,862
A FOOTBALL.
180
00:09:17,931 --> 00:09:19,310
OH! OH!
181
00:09:19,965 --> 00:09:21,000
OOH!
182
00:09:23,275 --> 00:09:24,655
HUT HUT HUT.
183
00:09:25,758 --> 00:09:26,827
HA HA!
184
00:09:37,793 --> 00:09:39,000
OH, WELL. COME ON.
185
00:09:39,068 --> 00:09:41,517
WE HAVE IMPORTANT
BUSINESS TO DISCUSS.
186
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,034
NOW.
187
00:09:46,965 --> 00:09:49,034
NOW, AS YOU KNOW,
188
00:09:49,103 --> 00:09:51,137
I LOST MY
BELOVED PARKING SPACE
189
00:09:51,206 --> 00:09:53,793
JUST BECAUSE I CHOSE
TO SPEAK MY MIND.
190
00:09:55,206 --> 00:09:56,827
TODAY, YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO WRITE
191
00:09:56,896 --> 00:09:58,482
TO THE ORGANIZATION
OF BALD PEOPLE
192
00:09:58,551 --> 00:10:02,344
JUST TO ASK PERMISSION
TO CALL THEM CHROME-DOMES!
193
00:10:02,413 --> 00:10:05,379
THEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO FAX THE FATSO SOCIETY
194
00:10:05,448 --> 00:10:08,724
AND ASK PERMISSION TO ASSIGN
ZIP CODES TO EACH THIGH!
195
00:10:10,482 --> 00:10:12,724
EXCUSE ME, DAD.
196
00:10:12,793 --> 00:10:14,275
I JUST THOUGHT YOU GUYS
197
00:10:14,344 --> 00:10:15,655
MIGHT WANT TO SEE
THIS PAPER AIRPLANE I MADE.
198
00:10:15,724 --> 00:10:18,931
WE'VE ALL SEEN
A PAPER AIRPLANE BEFORE.
199
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,448
MADE OUT
OF MISS JANUARY?
200
00:10:20,517 --> 00:10:21,517
OH! OH!
201
00:10:23,758 --> 00:10:24,931
HEY...
202
00:10:26,137 --> 00:10:28,413
BOY.
WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF.
203
00:10:31,310 --> 00:10:34,344
HEY, HEY, HEY, ROGER.
204
00:10:34,413 --> 00:10:36,241
THIS LOOKS LIKE YOUR WIFE.
205
00:10:36,310 --> 00:10:37,413
YOU THINK SO?
206
00:10:37,482 --> 00:10:39,482
OH. OH, I'M SORRY.
207
00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:41,137
I WAS LOOKING
AT THIS PICTURE
208
00:10:41,206 --> 00:10:43,206
OF DICK BUTKUS
ON THE BACK.
209
00:10:47,551 --> 00:10:50,172
COME ON, GUYS. WE'RE
IN A MEETING HERE.
210
00:10:50,241 --> 00:10:51,448
HE'S RIGHT.
211
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:53,241
WE'VE GOT WORK
TO DO.
212
00:10:53,689 --> 00:10:54,862
NOW...
213
00:10:58,137 --> 00:11:00,344
WHAT WE NEED TO DO
214
00:11:00,413 --> 00:11:03,172
IS TO FIND SOMEONE
WHO CAN TELL US
215
00:11:03,241 --> 00:11:04,793
HOW TO FIGHT THIS INSANITY.
216
00:11:04,862 --> 00:11:06,896
THAT'S RIGHT.
WE NEED A MAN'S MAN.
217
00:11:06,965 --> 00:11:09,896
RIGHT. SOMEONE WHO'S ALWAYS
CALLED HIS OWN SHOTS.
218
00:11:09,965 --> 00:11:12,206
A LEADER TO LEAD US
THROUGH THE NINETIES.
219
00:11:12,275 --> 00:11:13,862
A MAN AMONG MEN.
220
00:11:16,586 --> 00:11:19,344
IRONHEAD HAYNES!
221
00:11:19,413 --> 00:11:21,379
WHO'S IRONHEAD
HAYNES?
222
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:22,655
THE GRUFFEST,
TOUGHEST MAN
223
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:24,275
TO EVER GRADUATE
FROM POLK HIGH.
224
00:11:24,344 --> 00:11:26,931
HE HAD A BEARD
IN THE SEVENTH GRADE...
225
00:11:28,034 --> 00:11:29,379
AND A WIFE.
226
00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:34,862
TOOK OUT HIS OWN APPENDIX
WITH A POCKET FISHERMAN.
227
00:11:34,931 --> 00:11:37,344
COULD'VE BEEN A GREAT FOOTBALL
PLAYER FOR POLK HIGH,
228
00:11:37,413 --> 00:11:39,931
BUT HE REFUSED
TO TAKE OFF HIS SPURS.
229
00:11:41,137 --> 00:11:43,172
HE WORE BOOTS
TO PLAY FOOTBALL?
230
00:11:43,241 --> 00:11:44,551
NO BOOTS...
231
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,000
JUST SPURS.
232
00:11:47,103 --> 00:11:49,241
WELL, YOU KNOW,
THEY CAN'T ALL
233
00:11:49,310 --> 00:11:51,517
BE FOOTBALL STARS
LIKE WE WERE.
234
00:11:52,482 --> 00:11:54,482
OR CHEERLEADERS
LIKE I WAS.
235
00:11:58,206 --> 00:12:00,655
HEY, I DID
SOME VERY DANGEROUS FLIPS.
236
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,206
AND I, UH...
237
00:12:06,275 --> 00:12:08,655
I HELPED FIRE THE CANNON
AFTER EACH TOUCHDOWN.
238
00:12:08,724 --> 00:12:09,931
WAS THAT YOU?
239
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,034
REALLY NEAT.
240
00:12:11,103 --> 00:12:13,793
THAT WAS--
THAT WAS--WOW!
241
00:12:13,862 --> 00:12:15,827
WHERE CAN WE
FIND IRONHEAD HAYNES?
242
00:12:15,896 --> 00:12:18,068
RUMOR HAS IT
HE LIVES ALONE
243
00:12:18,137 --> 00:12:19,965
ON TOP OF
THE HIGHEST MOUNTAIN
244
00:12:20,034 --> 00:12:22,413
IN ILLINOIS.
245
00:12:22,482 --> 00:12:25,379
THEN WE'LL GO TOMORROW
AND SEEK HIS GUIDANCE.
246
00:12:25,448 --> 00:12:26,655
YEAH.
YEAH.
247
00:12:26,724 --> 00:12:28,724
AL!
I NEED SOMEONE
248
00:12:28,793 --> 00:12:31,689
TO MOVE THE CLOTHES DRYER
AWAY FROM THE WALL!
249
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:33,896
COMING, DEAR.
250
00:12:33,965 --> 00:12:35,586
WE'RE OUT
OF HERE.
251
00:12:43,172 --> 00:12:44,965
HEY,
WAIT A SECOND!
252
00:12:45,034 --> 00:12:47,275
WE DON'T HAVE
ANY CLOTHES DRYER.
253
00:12:48,448 --> 00:12:51,655
UH...DID I SAY
CLOTHES DRYER?
254
00:12:51,724 --> 00:12:54,551
I MEANT
TAKE OUT THE TRASH.
255
00:13:06,068 --> 00:13:08,896
HEY. WAIT.
LOOK...
256
00:13:08,965 --> 00:13:12,034
HOW DO WE KNOW IRONHEAD HAYNES
IS EVEN UP THERE?
257
00:13:12,103 --> 00:13:14,896
YEAH. THIS
LEGEND COULD JUST BE MADE UP.
258
00:13:14,965 --> 00:13:16,344
THAT'S TRUE, AL.
259
00:13:16,413 --> 00:13:17,551
HE COULD BE AS PHONY
260
00:13:17,620 --> 00:13:19,241
AS YOUR WIFE'S
HAIR COLOR.
261
00:13:20,793 --> 00:13:23,448
OR AS REAL
AS YOUR WIFE'S HAIR COLOR.
262
00:13:23,517 --> 00:13:24,758
I KNOW IT'S REAL,
263
00:13:24,827 --> 00:13:27,379
'CAUSE IT MATCHES
HER MUSTACHE!
264
00:13:27,448 --> 00:13:28,965
OK, OK.
COME ON! COME ON!
265
00:13:33,241 --> 00:13:35,034
LOOK, GUYS...
266
00:13:35,103 --> 00:13:36,931
ARE WE GOING ON OR NOT?
267
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,620
OF COURSE
WE'RE GOING ON.
268
00:13:38,689 --> 00:13:41,241
NAME ONE GOOD REASON
WHY WE SHOULDN'T!
269
00:13:44,172 --> 00:13:45,586
WELL, I'M GOING ON.
270
00:13:45,655 --> 00:13:47,551
YEAH, WELL, I'M...
271
00:13:47,620 --> 00:13:50,172
STAYING HERE.
272
00:13:50,241 --> 00:13:52,068
WE'LL SEE YOU
WHEN YOU GET BACK.
273
00:13:52,137 --> 00:13:54,068
YEAH, HAVE
A NICE TRIP.
274
00:13:54,137 --> 00:13:55,896
THANK YOU...
275
00:13:55,965 --> 00:13:57,344
CANDY ASSES.
276
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,413
OH, WELL,
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS,
277
00:14:06,482 --> 00:14:08,206
BUT I'M
NO CANDY ASS.
278
00:14:10,551 --> 00:14:13,206
WELL, THINK WE'LL
EVER SEE HIM AGAIN?
279
00:14:13,275 --> 00:14:14,862
IT'S HARD TO SAY.
280
00:14:14,931 --> 00:14:17,103
THIS MOUNTAIN
HAS KILLED BEFORE.
281
00:14:17,172 --> 00:14:18,931
IT COULD KILL AGAIN.
282
00:14:20,965 --> 00:14:21,931
TRAIL MIX,
ANYONE?
283
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,758
YEAH. YEAH.
284
00:14:24,827 --> 00:14:26,034
UGH!
285
00:14:26,103 --> 00:14:27,137
UGH!
286
00:14:41,275 --> 00:14:43,275
WELL, YOU MUST BE
IRONHEAD HAYNES.
287
00:14:43,344 --> 00:14:45,862
YEP. AND YOU
MUST BE SOME IDIOT
288
00:14:45,931 --> 00:14:47,137
THAT DON'T KNOW
THERE'S A ROAD
289
00:14:47,206 --> 00:14:49,620
ON THE OTHER SIDE
OF THIS MOUNTAIN.
290
00:14:54,068 --> 00:14:56,034
AL BUNDY, POLK HIGH.
291
00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:57,551
I BROUGHT YOU SOME GIFTS.
292
00:14:57,620 --> 00:14:58,758
ME AND MY BUDDIES
293
00:14:58,827 --> 00:15:01,137
WANTED TO GIVE YOU
A TOKEN OF OUR ESTEEM.
294
00:15:01,206 --> 00:15:04,034
IN HERE
I GOT SOME BEER NUTS,
295
00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:06,517
AND THERE'S A TIRE GAUGE,
296
00:15:06,586 --> 00:15:09,068
AND HERE'S THE FOOTBALL
297
00:15:09,137 --> 00:15:11,344
THAT I SCORED MY FIRST
TOUCHDOWN WITH AT POLK HIGH,
298
00:15:11,413 --> 00:15:13,275
SO GO OUT.
GO OUT.
299
00:15:13,344 --> 00:15:14,793
READY? READY?
300
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,620
IT'S NOT MY GAME.
301
00:15:20,689 --> 00:15:22,931
OH. WELL,
THEN, UH...
302
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,068
THE--THE BEER NUTS
CAN BE FROM ME.
303
00:15:25,137 --> 00:15:28,310
OH, AND,
HERE'S SOMETHING.
304
00:15:28,379 --> 00:15:30,724
JEFFERSON DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT TO GET YOU,
305
00:15:30,793 --> 00:15:32,793
SO HE GOT YOU
A SILK SHIRT.
306
00:15:34,482 --> 00:15:36,758
I NEVER HAD
ONE OF THESE BEFORE.
307
00:15:37,482 --> 00:15:38,551
AH...
308
00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:39,862
AH-CHOO!
309
00:15:43,137 --> 00:15:44,655
THAT'S NOT BAD.
310
00:15:45,793 --> 00:15:47,517
NOW, WHAT CAN I
DO FOR YOU?
311
00:15:47,586 --> 00:15:50,724
WELL, IRONHEAD, THINGS HAVE
GOTTEN PRETTY ROUGH
312
00:15:50,793 --> 00:15:53,965
FOR US FREE-THINKERS
BACK IN CIVILIZATION--
313
00:15:54,034 --> 00:15:56,965
OLD PEOPLE GETTING MAD
IF YOU CALL THEM OLD,
314
00:15:57,034 --> 00:15:58,241
FOREIGN PEOPLE GETTING MAD
315
00:15:58,310 --> 00:16:00,551
IF YOU TELL THEM
TO GO HOME.
316
00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:02,241
YOU'D BE SURPRISED,
THE SLIGHTEST THING
317
00:16:02,310 --> 00:16:04,689
WILL SET A GIMP OFF
THESE DAYS.
318
00:16:04,758 --> 00:16:07,827
I SUPPOSE THAT'S WHY
YOU MOVED UP HERE.
319
00:16:07,896 --> 00:16:09,068
NO, I MOVED UP HERE
320
00:16:09,137 --> 00:16:11,724
TO GET IN TOUCH
WITH MY FEMININE SIDE.
321
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,068
I'M KIDDING.
322
00:16:15,137 --> 00:16:16,137
I'M JUST TEASING.
323
00:16:16,206 --> 00:16:18,965
OH, WELL, UNFORTUNATELY,
324
00:16:19,034 --> 00:16:20,275
MANY CAN'T MOVE
TO A MOUNTAIN
325
00:16:20,344 --> 00:16:23,137
BECAUSE, UH, THEY'RE
MARRIED TO ONE,
326
00:16:23,206 --> 00:16:26,344
BUT, UH,
WE NEED YOUR WISDOM
327
00:16:26,413 --> 00:16:28,758
TO HELP GUIDE US
THROUGH OUR DAILY HELL.
328
00:16:28,827 --> 00:16:31,344
TELL US WHAT YOU BELIEVE.
329
00:16:31,413 --> 00:16:33,620
WELL, I BELIEVE THAT
WHEN YOU GOT TO SPIT,
330
00:16:33,689 --> 00:16:35,551
YOU GOT TO SPIT,
331
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:37,586
AND RIGHT NOW
I GOT TO SPIT.
332
00:16:37,655 --> 00:16:39,517
OH, THIS IS GOOD STUFF.
333
00:16:48,379 --> 00:16:51,172
AND I BELIEVE THAT EVERYBODY
THAT'S GOT MORE MONEY
334
00:16:51,241 --> 00:16:52,758
THAN THEY CAN HOLD
IN BOTH HANDS
335
00:16:52,827 --> 00:16:55,655
OUGHT TO GIVE IT
TO ME.
336
00:16:55,724 --> 00:16:58,862
I BELIEVE THAT ALL ANIMALS
WERE PUT ON THIS EARTH
337
00:16:58,931 --> 00:17:00,689
TO MAKE FACES AT ME.
338
00:17:02,413 --> 00:17:03,793
AND I REALLY BELIEVE
339
00:17:03,862 --> 00:17:06,965
THAT DAMN DOCTOR DIDN'T HAVE
TO PUT THIS PLATE IN MY HEAD.
340
00:17:07,517 --> 00:17:09,655
WELL, YOU KNOW...
341
00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:11,379
DOCTOR KNOWS BEST,
342
00:17:12,551 --> 00:17:14,827
BUT--BUT TELL US,
343
00:17:14,896 --> 00:17:17,241
WHAT CAN WE DO
TO FIGHT BACK?
344
00:17:17,310 --> 00:17:18,448
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
345
00:17:18,517 --> 00:17:21,000
MAYBE THIS SONG WILL
SAY IT THE BEST.
346
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,379
NOTHING
347
00:17:34,793 --> 00:17:36,448
THAT...
348
00:17:36,517 --> 00:17:37,620
THAT'S IT?
349
00:17:37,689 --> 00:17:39,551
THAT--
THAT'S THE MESSAGE?
350
00:17:39,620 --> 00:17:40,827
THAT'S IT.
351
00:17:40,896 --> 00:17:43,551
YOU KNOW, MEN LIKE US
ARE DINOSAURS--
352
00:17:43,620 --> 00:17:45,620
REAL, LIVE,
DEAD DINOSAURS.
353
00:17:47,655 --> 00:17:49,344
I GOT BUDDIES
WAITING FOR YOU
354
00:17:49,413 --> 00:17:51,344
TO GIVE US
A PLAN OF ACTION.
355
00:17:51,413 --> 00:17:52,793
MY FOOTBALL.
356
00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:56,551
I CAN'T JUST TELL THEM
IT'S ALL OVER!
357
00:17:56,620 --> 00:17:58,551
THAT LIFE AS
WE KNOW IT IS GONE
358
00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:00,344
AND WON'T BE
LIKE THIS AGAIN.
359
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:02,620
WELL, IF IT
ISN'T MR. SUNSHINE.
360
00:18:04,172 --> 00:18:06,034
THE ONLY PROBLEM
WITH BEING A DINOSAUR
361
00:18:06,103 --> 00:18:08,000
IS THERE'S
NO FUTURE IN IT,
362
00:18:08,068 --> 00:18:10,827
BUT THERE'S ONE HELL
OF A PAST.
363
00:18:10,896 --> 00:18:14,620
YOU NEED TO ACT
LIKE THE MIGHTY TYRANNOSAURUS
364
00:18:14,689 --> 00:18:16,965
AND LEAVE DEEP PRINTS.
365
00:18:17,034 --> 00:18:18,034
LEAVE...
366
00:18:18,103 --> 00:18:19,103
DEEP...
367
00:18:19,172 --> 00:18:20,413
PRINTS.
368
00:18:20,482 --> 00:18:22,068
THAT'S IT.
369
00:18:22,137 --> 00:18:24,137
LET 'EM KNOW
THAT YOU'VE BEEN THERE.
370
00:18:24,206 --> 00:18:25,689
I GOT IT!
371
00:18:25,758 --> 00:18:27,103
OH, WAIT A SECOND.
372
00:18:27,172 --> 00:18:29,068
WHAT IF MY BUDDIES
DON'T BELIEVE I MET YOU?
373
00:18:29,137 --> 00:18:31,241
CAN YOU GIVE ME
SOMETHING
374
00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:33,172
TO PROVE
THAT WE MET?
375
00:18:33,241 --> 00:18:34,310
WELL...
376
00:18:34,379 --> 00:18:35,758
HOW ABOUT THAT
SACK OF FLOUR?
377
00:18:35,827 --> 00:18:37,241
WELL...
378
00:18:37,310 --> 00:18:39,689
ANYTHING WITHOUT
MEALY BUGS IN IT?
379
00:18:41,275 --> 00:18:44,206
I GUESS THAT LEAVES
MY BEARD OUT.
380
00:18:44,275 --> 00:18:46,620
ALL I GOT LEFT
IS THIS GUITAR
381
00:18:46,689 --> 00:18:48,206
THAT MY
DEARLY BELOVED
382
00:18:48,275 --> 00:18:50,000
DEPARTED GRANDMOTHER
LEFT ME
383
00:18:50,896 --> 00:18:53,517
AND MY VICTORIA'S
SECRET CATALOG.
384
00:18:57,310 --> 00:18:58,310
HERE.
385
00:18:58,379 --> 00:19:00,586
I CAN'T GIVE UP
MY SOCIAL LIFE.
386
00:19:04,034 --> 00:19:05,206
WELL...
387
00:19:06,137 --> 00:19:08,103
THANK YOU, IRONHEAD.
388
00:19:08,172 --> 00:19:10,620
AND I'LL SEE TO IT
THAT YOUR LEGEND LIVES ON.
389
00:19:10,689 --> 00:19:12,068
YOU'RE STILL MY IDOL
390
00:19:12,137 --> 00:19:13,620
BECAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID
OF NOTHING.
391
00:19:13,689 --> 00:19:16,827
WELL, NOW, THAT'S NOT
NECESSARILY TRUE.
392
00:19:16,896 --> 00:19:19,689
I'M DEATHLY AFRAID
OF MAGNETS.
393
00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:21,620
IF A BIG ONE
WAS TO ROLL BY HERE NOW,
394
00:19:21,689 --> 00:19:24,103
MY HEAD IS HISTORY.
395
00:19:24,172 --> 00:19:26,172
I SUGGEST YOU GET
BACK DOWN THAT MOUNTAIN
396
00:19:26,241 --> 00:19:27,344
IN A HURRY.
397
00:19:27,413 --> 00:19:29,206
WHY? IS IT
GOING TO RAIN?
398
00:19:29,275 --> 00:19:32,000
NO, BUT I DO FEEL
ANOTHER SPIT COMING ON.
399
00:19:39,586 --> 00:19:42,137
YOU THINK SOMETHING HORRIBLE'S
HAPPENED TO AL?
400
00:19:42,206 --> 00:19:44,965
WHY WOULD YOU SAY
SUCH A TERRIBLE THING?
401
00:19:45,034 --> 00:19:48,137
WELL, 'CAUSE
IF HE'S DEAD,
402
00:19:48,206 --> 00:19:49,344
WE CAN EAT
HIS CROISSANT.
403
00:19:49,413 --> 00:19:50,965
HE'S DEAD.
404
00:19:51,034 --> 00:19:52,068
GIVE ME THAT.
405
00:19:54,241 --> 00:19:56,758
DON'T EAT
THE CROISSANT!
406
00:20:11,275 --> 00:20:12,551
AL...
407
00:20:12,620 --> 00:20:14,206
I-IS THAT YOU?
408
00:20:14,275 --> 00:20:16,068
IT IS I.
409
00:20:16,137 --> 00:20:18,551
I HAVE COME
FROM IRONHEAD HAYNES...
410
00:20:21,379 --> 00:20:23,517
WITH WORDS
FOR HARD-WORKING PEOPLE
411
00:20:23,586 --> 00:20:24,793
WHO DON'T GIVE
A RAT'S ASS
412
00:20:24,862 --> 00:20:26,931
ABOUT
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS.
413
00:20:29,689 --> 00:20:31,689
RULE NUMBER 1--
414
00:20:31,758 --> 00:20:33,931
IT'S OK TO CALL
HOOTERS KNOCKERS
415
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,965
AND SOMETIMES
SNACK TRAYS.
416
00:20:38,448 --> 00:20:39,551
RULE 2--
417
00:20:39,620 --> 00:20:41,586
IT IS WRONG TO BE FRENCH.
418
00:20:44,448 --> 00:20:45,586
RULE 3--
419
00:20:45,655 --> 00:20:47,655
IT IS OK
TO PUT ALL BAD PEOPLE
420
00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:49,448
IN A GIANT
MEAT GRINDER.
421
00:20:50,344 --> 00:20:51,310
RULE 4--
422
00:20:51,379 --> 00:20:52,448
LAWYERS.
423
00:20:52,517 --> 00:20:53,862
SEE RULE 3.
424
00:20:55,448 --> 00:20:58,103
IT IS OK
TO DRIVE A GAS GUZZLER
425
00:20:58,172 --> 00:21:00,896
IF IT HELPS YOU GET BABES.
426
00:21:00,965 --> 00:21:02,793
EVERYONE SHOULD CAR POOL
427
00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:05,103
EXCEPT ME.
428
00:21:05,172 --> 00:21:08,413
BRING BACK THE WORD
"STEWARDESSES."
429
00:21:08,482 --> 00:21:11,000
SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING
IS NOT A SPORT.
430
00:21:12,655 --> 00:21:14,586
MUD WRESTLING
IS A SPORT.
431
00:21:15,896 --> 00:21:18,103
THOSE ARE YOUR
10 COMMANDMENTS.
432
00:21:19,551 --> 00:21:22,448
BUT, AL,
THAT'S ONLY NINE.
433
00:21:22,517 --> 00:21:24,931
THOSE ARE YOUR
NINE COMMANDMENTS.
434
00:21:26,379 --> 00:21:27,931
I CAN LIVE
WITH THAT.
435
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,551
LET'S ALL GO BACK
AND SPREAD THE WORD
436
00:21:30,620 --> 00:21:33,034
AND HELP AL
GET WHAT APPEARS TO BE FLOUR
437
00:21:33,103 --> 00:21:34,586
OUT OF HIS HAIR.
438
00:21:34,655 --> 00:21:36,724
IT'S STUPID
TO START BACK NOW.
439
00:21:36,793 --> 00:21:39,241
IT'LL BE PITCH BLACK
BEFORE WE REACH BOTTOM.
440
00:21:39,310 --> 00:21:40,517
IF WE STAY HERE,
441
00:21:40,586 --> 00:21:42,206
WE BETTER KEEP
THIS FIRE GOING.
442
00:21:42,275 --> 00:21:44,896
ANYBODY
HAVE ANYTHING WE CAN THROW IN?
443
00:21:44,965 --> 00:21:47,275
ALL I HAVE IS MY
VICTORIA'S SECRET CATALOG.
444
00:21:47,344 --> 00:21:48,482
ME, TOO.
445
00:21:48,551 --> 00:21:50,103
ME, TOO.
446
00:21:50,172 --> 00:21:51,517
WELL...
447
00:21:51,586 --> 00:21:53,931
THEN ALL WE HAVE
IS THESE...
448
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,068
OR THESE
SACRED COMMANDMENTS.
449
00:21:59,551 --> 00:22:00,586
SINNERS!
450
00:22:00,655 --> 00:22:01,862
BLASPHEMERS!
451
00:22:01,931 --> 00:22:03,413
HEATHENS! SINNERS!
452
00:22:03,482 --> 00:22:04,655
HOOTERS.
30260
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