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♪ Love and Marriage
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♪ Love and Marriage
3
00:00:20,689 --> 00:00:24,379
♪ Go together like
A horse and carriage
4
00:00:24,448 --> 00:00:28,551
♪ This I tell ya, brother
5
00:00:28,620 --> 00:00:30,310
♪ You can't have one
6
00:00:30,379 --> 00:00:32,896
♪ Without the other
7
00:00:32,965 --> 00:00:35,344
♪ Love and marriage
8
00:00:35,413 --> 00:00:38,000
♪ Love and marriage
9
00:00:38,068 --> 00:00:42,000
♪ It's an institute
You can't disparage
10
00:00:42,068 --> 00:00:45,758
♪ Ask the local gentry
11
00:00:45,827 --> 00:00:50,344
♪ And they will say,
It's elementary!
12
00:00:50,413 --> 00:00:55,379
♪ Try, try,
Try to separate them
13
00:00:55,448 --> 00:00:58,482
♪ It's an illusion
14
00:00:58,551 --> 00:01:03,689
♪ Try, try,
Try and you will only
15
00:01:03,758 --> 00:01:07,655
♪ Come to this conclusion
16
00:01:07,724 --> 00:01:10,275
♪ Love and marriage
17
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Look at her swinging
back and forth.
18
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The way the sunlight
hits her skin.
19
00:01:23,206 --> 00:01:25,793
I'd sure like to have that
in my mouth.
20
00:01:27,275 --> 00:01:30,206
Al, you are talking
about a stupid apple
21
00:01:30,275 --> 00:01:32,758
swinging from a tree.
22
00:01:32,827 --> 00:01:36,482
You're missing the point,
my little lust buster.
23
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I didn't even know
that was an apple tree.
24
00:01:39,448 --> 00:01:42,206
I wonder why it
suddenly decided to bloom.
25
00:01:44,310 --> 00:01:46,724
I've got to quit eating
out of that dumpster
26
00:01:46,793 --> 00:01:49,000
behind the Mexican restaurant.
27
00:01:51,241 --> 00:01:53,655
Honey, why don't you
just go buy an apple?
28
00:01:53,724 --> 00:01:55,068
Or at least
pick that one.
29
00:01:55,137 --> 00:01:56,172
It's ripe.
30
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:57,586
No, it isn't, Peg.
31
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It says so right here
32
00:01:59,068 --> 00:02:00,758
in Farmer Iggy's Almanac.
33
00:02:02,551 --> 00:02:05,137
"Sow in summer,
reap in fall,
34
00:02:05,206 --> 00:02:07,896
"bury your wife
when the wheat gets tall."
35
00:02:10,655 --> 00:02:12,241
Oh, excuse me.
36
00:02:12,310 --> 00:02:14,034
That's his chapter
on "Taters and Love."
37
00:02:14,965 --> 00:02:17,068
Does it say anything
in there like,
38
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,413
"Plant your barley,
plant your rye,
39
00:02:19,482 --> 00:02:21,482
"sell a shoe
before you die?"
40
00:02:23,034 --> 00:02:24,482
No, Peg, it doesn't.
41
00:02:24,551 --> 00:02:25,862
You must be
confusing that with
42
00:02:25,931 --> 00:02:27,137
Farmer Iggy's wife's book,
43
00:02:27,206 --> 00:02:29,275
The Useless Crone's Almanac.
44
00:02:30,482 --> 00:02:31,965
Pumpkin, pumpkin,
45
00:02:32,034 --> 00:02:33,931
I want you to do me a favor.
46
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,413
Go to the hardware store
and get Daddy
some smudge pots.
47
00:02:36,482 --> 00:02:38,034
What are smudge pots?
48
00:02:38,103 --> 00:02:39,517
They keep
your apples warm
49
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so they don't
get frozen.
50
00:02:41,068 --> 00:02:42,862
You call them Marines.
51
00:02:45,655 --> 00:02:46,689
Oh.
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Son, I have an even more
important job for you.
53
00:02:50,862 --> 00:02:53,034
Go get me 50 pounds of manure.
54
00:02:55,034 --> 00:02:56,310
Oh, and, bud,
55
00:02:56,379 --> 00:02:58,551
I need a jumbo box of tampons.
56
00:03:00,965 --> 00:03:02,793
And don't forget my
'roid cream.
57
00:03:05,517 --> 00:03:06,793
Anybody need
anything embarrassing
58
00:03:06,862 --> 00:03:08,758
while I'm at it?
59
00:03:08,827 --> 00:03:10,275
Suppositories.Suppositories.
60
00:03:12,241 --> 00:03:14,137
I was just coming over
to see you.
61
00:03:14,206 --> 00:03:15,206
Oh, not right now.
62
00:03:15,275 --> 00:03:16,724
I got to go somewhere.
63
00:03:16,793 --> 00:03:17,793
Well, can I go with you?
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00:03:17,862 --> 00:03:19,482
No!
65
00:03:19,551 --> 00:03:21,620
And don't follow me, either.
66
00:03:28,379 --> 00:03:31,827
Well, Peg, I guess I'll go
outside and be alone
with my apple.
67
00:03:31,896 --> 00:03:34,000
I'll just be here with
my Oprah.
68
00:03:34,068 --> 00:03:37,068
I wish my apple would grow
as fast as your Oprah!
69
00:03:43,241 --> 00:03:45,827
My husband pays too much
attention to me.
70
00:03:45,896 --> 00:03:48,793
He's always wanting sex.
What should I do?
71
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:50,275
Send him over here.
72
00:03:52,103 --> 00:03:53,448
Peg!
73
00:03:53,517 --> 00:03:55,137
My apple's gone!
74
00:03:55,206 --> 00:03:56,724
This neighborhood's
going to hell.
75
00:03:56,793 --> 00:03:59,724
First the double homicide,
now this.
76
00:03:59,793 --> 00:04:01,758
I think there
might be a connection.
77
00:04:01,827 --> 00:04:03,551
I think there's a serial
harvester at work here.
78
00:04:03,620 --> 00:04:05,758
Oh, Al, tell me you're
not calling...
79
00:04:05,827 --> 00:04:07,000
Police...
80
00:04:07,068 --> 00:04:08,103
Well, at least don't tell them
that you're...
81
00:04:08,172 --> 00:04:10,068
Al Bundy, here.
82
00:04:10,137 --> 00:04:13,034
I'd like to report
a missing apple.
83
00:04:13,103 --> 00:04:15,034
No, not some stupid computer.
84
00:04:15,103 --> 00:04:17,034
I'm talking about a fruit.
85
00:04:17,103 --> 00:04:19,517
I know it's not a donut,
86
00:04:19,586 --> 00:04:21,000
but it's important to me.
87
00:04:21,068 --> 00:04:22,517
He's transferring me
88
00:04:22,586 --> 00:04:24,793
to the chief of
stolen produce.
89
00:04:26,620 --> 00:04:27,965
Hey, guys.
90
00:04:31,103 --> 00:04:33,551
Hello. Who is this?
91
00:04:33,620 --> 00:04:35,000
Lieutenant Granny Smith.
92
00:04:35,931 --> 00:04:37,517
Hey, wait a second.
93
00:04:37,586 --> 00:04:39,137
You sound like that
Officer Jalopy
94
00:04:39,206 --> 00:04:40,448
I talked to
95
00:04:40,517 --> 00:04:42,172
when I called to report
the Dodge missing.
96
00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:43,275
Okay, that's it.
97
00:04:43,344 --> 00:04:44,517
I'm calling the mayor.
98
00:04:44,586 --> 00:04:46,655
Uh...who is the mayor?
99
00:04:49,034 --> 00:04:50,275
McCheese.
100
00:04:51,862 --> 00:04:52,896
Okay.
101
00:04:52,965 --> 00:04:54,413
You're in trouble now, buddy.
102
00:04:54,482 --> 00:04:55,931
I voted for him.
103
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,586
And they say you can't fight
City Hall.
104
00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:05,206
Where'd you get that apple?
105
00:05:05,275 --> 00:05:06,586
Oh, it was in my yard,
106
00:05:06,655 --> 00:05:09,448
and it tastes even better
than it looks.
107
00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:12,000
Ah, I don't want to spoil
my appetite.
108
00:05:15,689 --> 00:05:17,137
Hey, that was my apple.
109
00:05:17,206 --> 00:05:18,620
It was in my yard.
110
00:05:18,689 --> 00:05:20,172
It was on my tree.
111
00:05:20,241 --> 00:05:21,586
But the limb was hanging
over my property.
112
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:22,793
Excuse me.
113
00:05:22,862 --> 00:05:24,137
You don't have any property.
114
00:05:24,206 --> 00:05:27,103
Your wife has property,
some of which is you.
115
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,517
Ah, this from a man
who steals our paper,
116
00:05:34,586 --> 00:05:35,965
takes our bottled water
117
00:05:36,034 --> 00:05:38,275
and eats out of
our bird feeder.
118
00:05:39,448 --> 00:05:40,896
Well, I wouldn't do that
119
00:05:40,965 --> 00:05:43,620
if you didn't put out
those tasty pecans.
120
00:05:43,689 --> 00:05:46,551
Jefferson, I was writing out
a check to the workmen,
121
00:05:46,620 --> 00:05:48,517
and I found there was
only one check left
122
00:05:48,586 --> 00:05:50,000
where 25 should be.
123
00:05:50,413 --> 00:05:51,586
Uh...
124
00:05:51,655 --> 00:05:53,724
Did they all look like,
uh, this?
125
00:05:53,793 --> 00:05:55,068
Yes.
126
00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:56,689
I'll look into it.
127
00:05:56,758 --> 00:05:58,344
Well, since you're both...
128
00:05:58,413 --> 00:05:59,724
In a check-writing mood,
129
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:01,620
I'd like to be reimbursed
for my apple.
130
00:06:03,068 --> 00:06:04,517
Pay no attention to him.
131
00:06:04,586 --> 00:06:06,034
The fence is on
the property line.
132
00:06:06,103 --> 00:06:07,586
The apple was on our side
of the fence.
133
00:06:07,655 --> 00:06:10,275
You can't go exactly by
where the fence line is.
134
00:06:10,344 --> 00:06:13,068
That fence was just thrown
together with old boards
and nails.
135
00:06:13,137 --> 00:06:14,448
Peg, you remember
136
00:06:14,517 --> 00:06:16,344
the slipshod way you built it.
137
00:06:16,965 --> 00:06:18,000
Yes,
138
00:06:18,068 --> 00:06:20,344
but at least the fence
stayed up,
139
00:06:20,413 --> 00:06:23,241
which is more than I can say
for the foreman.
140
00:06:25,793 --> 00:06:27,827
And to think I had a stake
141
00:06:27,896 --> 00:06:31,413
and didn't drive it
through your heart.
142
00:06:31,482 --> 00:06:33,413
Jefferson, I'm suing you
for damages.
143
00:06:33,482 --> 00:06:35,689
Al, I'm suing you
for mental stress.
144
00:06:35,758 --> 00:06:36,793
Talk about mental stress.
145
00:06:36,862 --> 00:06:38,068
Yeah.
146
00:06:38,137 --> 00:06:39,241
How about the night
your shade was up,
147
00:06:39,310 --> 00:06:41,586
and I watched
your wife undress?
148
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:48,689
Well, how about us
149
00:06:48,758 --> 00:06:51,206
having to see
your son soap himself?
150
00:06:53,241 --> 00:06:54,482
Look, Jefferson.
151
00:06:54,551 --> 00:06:55,655
Bullwinkle.
152
00:06:55,724 --> 00:06:57,931
This is getting you nowhere.
153
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,758
The way to settle
a property-line dispute
154
00:06:59,827 --> 00:07:00,827
is simple.
155
00:07:00,896 --> 00:07:02,034
Get a survey done.
156
00:07:02,103 --> 00:07:03,275
That's a good idea.
157
00:07:03,344 --> 00:07:05,758
You ask 50 people,
I'll ask 50 people,
158
00:07:05,827 --> 00:07:07,137
and we'll just see.
159
00:07:07,206 --> 00:07:09,137
Not that kind of survey,
160
00:07:09,206 --> 00:07:11,137
you double dip.
161
00:07:11,206 --> 00:07:13,068
A property-line survey.
162
00:07:13,137 --> 00:07:14,137
Yeah.
163
00:07:14,206 --> 00:07:15,482
Yeah.
164
00:07:15,551 --> 00:07:17,206
Then we'll find out once
and for all
165
00:07:17,275 --> 00:07:18,517
who's who and what's what.
166
00:07:18,586 --> 00:07:19,689
Good idea.
167
00:07:19,758 --> 00:07:21,206
But I warn you.
168
00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:23,034
When this thing
is all said and done,
169
00:07:23,103 --> 00:07:26,275
you, sir, will owe me an apple
and an apology.
170
00:07:26,344 --> 00:07:28,275
And so will your husband.
171
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,448
You know, Al,
172
00:07:33,517 --> 00:07:35,896
that surveyor
really looks familiar.
173
00:07:35,965 --> 00:07:37,586
Now, as I said,
174
00:07:40,896 --> 00:07:43,344
when parcel "A" and parcel "B"
175
00:07:43,413 --> 00:07:44,862
were divided up originally,
176
00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:47,000
the records were
destroyed by fire.
177
00:07:47,068 --> 00:07:48,551
But we do know that...
178
00:07:48,620 --> 00:07:50,551
The little Partridge boy.
179
00:07:56,517 --> 00:07:57,689
Al?
180
00:07:57,758 --> 00:07:59,620
Doesn't he look exactly like
181
00:07:59,689 --> 00:08:01,241
Danny Partridge?
182
00:08:02,172 --> 00:08:03,517
Peg, please.
183
00:08:03,586 --> 00:08:05,965
There's an apple
at stake here.
184
00:08:06,034 --> 00:08:07,103
He does.
185
00:08:07,172 --> 00:08:08,310
Well...
186
00:08:08,379 --> 00:08:09,448
I'm not.
187
00:08:09,517 --> 00:08:10,758
Now, as I was saying,
188
00:08:10,827 --> 00:08:13,068
the Bundy land
was originally Indian land.
189
00:08:13,137 --> 00:08:15,517
Actually, it was Indian
land fill.
190
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,448
It...
191
00:08:18,517 --> 00:08:21,034
It's where they threw
their rotting moccasins.
192
00:08:21,103 --> 00:08:22,586
Now, it's because of that
193
00:08:22,655 --> 00:08:24,448
that the real property line
194
00:08:24,517 --> 00:08:25,862
becomes very irregular...
195
00:08:25,931 --> 00:08:27,275
And stinky.
196
00:08:28,413 --> 00:08:31,068
So, who does the apple tree
really belong to?
197
00:08:31,137 --> 00:08:32,931
Does it really matter?
198
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,758
The important thing
is that we're neighbors,
199
00:08:35,827 --> 00:08:36,931
and we must get along.
200
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,758
In answer to your question,
201
00:08:38,827 --> 00:08:40,482
the tree belongs to...
202
00:08:40,551 --> 00:08:41,655
The D'Arcys.
203
00:08:41,724 --> 00:08:42,793
Yes!
204
00:08:49,103 --> 00:08:51,000
Are you sure you aren't...
205
00:08:51,068 --> 00:08:52,206
Yes, I'm sure.
206
00:08:52,275 --> 00:08:53,586
I've never been
so sure of anything
207
00:08:53,655 --> 00:08:55,034
in my entire life.
208
00:08:56,827 --> 00:08:58,068
Let's go.
209
00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:07,000
Let's go, Danny.
210
00:09:07,068 --> 00:09:09,689
We got to be in Pittsburgh
by midnight.
211
00:09:16,344 --> 00:09:17,586
Come on.
212
00:09:17,655 --> 00:09:19,000
Get happy.
213
00:09:25,275 --> 00:09:26,517
You know,
214
00:09:26,586 --> 00:09:28,517
I think that since our
fence line
215
00:09:28,586 --> 00:09:29,931
has never been
challenged before,
216
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,827
the next apple
that grows on that tree
217
00:09:31,896 --> 00:09:33,344
should be mine.
218
00:09:33,413 --> 00:09:34,448
Sorry, Al.
219
00:09:34,517 --> 00:09:36,586
You heard what
the man said.
220
00:09:37,965 --> 00:09:39,517
[ENGINE STARTS]
221
00:09:39,586 --> 00:09:41,034
You mean to tell me
222
00:09:41,103 --> 00:09:43,517
you're going to believe
what a crazy surveyor
223
00:09:43,586 --> 00:09:45,586
in a psychedelic bus says?
224
00:09:46,758 --> 00:09:48,206
Look, Al, we agreed
225
00:09:48,275 --> 00:09:50,724
to abide by the results
of this survey,
226
00:09:50,793 --> 00:09:52,000
and the survey says
the tree is ours.
227
00:09:52,068 --> 00:09:53,241
That's right.
228
00:09:53,310 --> 00:09:55,241
What's your'n is your'n,
229
00:09:55,310 --> 00:09:57,724
and what's our'n is our'n.
230
00:09:57,793 --> 00:09:59,724
Now, if you'll excuse us,
231
00:09:59,793 --> 00:10:02,448
we have a little apple
celebrating to do.
232
00:10:02,517 --> 00:10:04,206
Adam and Eve style.
233
00:10:11,586 --> 00:10:14,206
I wish there was something
that I could do.
234
00:10:14,275 --> 00:10:16,724
Oh, Al, just forget
about the tree.
235
00:10:16,793 --> 00:10:19,862
And why don't we do something
Adam and Eve style?
236
00:10:20,793 --> 00:10:22,586
That's a good idea, Peg.
237
00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:23,724
Put a fig leaf over your face
238
00:10:23,793 --> 00:10:25,724
and give me back my rib.
239
00:10:27,758 --> 00:10:29,034
[GIGGLING]
240
00:10:29,103 --> 00:10:30,586
MARCY: Let me help you
out of this, honey.
241
00:10:30,655 --> 00:10:31,724
[GIGGLING]
242
00:10:32,551 --> 00:10:33,724
Uh-oh.
243
00:10:36,206 --> 00:10:37,517
Ahh.
244
00:10:37,586 --> 00:10:40,241
Ah, well, here's to
our new tree.
245
00:10:40,310 --> 00:10:41,620
What should we call it?
246
00:10:41,689 --> 00:10:43,413
How about firewood?
247
00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:47,034
Oh.
248
00:10:47,103 --> 00:10:48,379
That's the beauty
of the law, Jefferson.
249
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:51,206
It makes ownership
specific and unquestioned.
250
00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:53,379
I think that's what our
ancestors had in mind
251
00:10:53,448 --> 00:10:54,655
when they massacred
the Indians
252
00:10:54,724 --> 00:10:56,827
and wrote the Bill of Rights.
253
00:10:58,586 --> 00:11:00,275
[CHAIN SAW BUZZING]
254
00:11:09,241 --> 00:11:10,862
MARCY: Al!
255
00:11:10,931 --> 00:11:12,689
Al Bundy, what do you
think you're doing?
256
00:11:12,758 --> 00:11:14,827
Going blind if you stand up.
257
00:11:19,793 --> 00:11:21,068
Look, Al,
258
00:11:21,137 --> 00:11:23,206
this happens to be
a private party.
259
00:11:23,275 --> 00:11:25,310
So, we'd appreciate it if
you'd get out of our yard.
260
00:11:25,379 --> 00:11:26,931
But this isn't your yard.
261
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,344
If you had read your map
a little more carefully,
262
00:11:29,413 --> 00:11:32,689
you would've seen that
this property belongs to me.
263
00:11:32,758 --> 00:11:35,172
Welcome to Bundiana!
264
00:11:57,379 --> 00:11:59,068
Well, he's right.
265
00:11:59,137 --> 00:12:01,517
Our barbecue is
on their property.
266
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,586
Uh, Al?
267
00:12:07,655 --> 00:12:10,517
I didn't realize how much that
apple tree meant to you.
268
00:12:10,586 --> 00:12:12,551
It would be wrong of us
to keep it.
269
00:12:12,620 --> 00:12:14,137
We'll give you your tree back
270
00:12:14,206 --> 00:12:16,448
in exchange for our barbecue.
271
00:12:16,517 --> 00:12:18,413
I'll tell you what I'll do.
272
00:12:18,482 --> 00:12:21,172
I'll give you part of your
barbecue back.
273
00:12:26,034 --> 00:12:27,344
[COUGHING]
274
00:12:32,068 --> 00:12:33,344
Peggy Bundy!
275
00:12:33,413 --> 00:12:35,793
I would expect this kind of
Aboriginal behavior
276
00:12:35,862 --> 00:12:36,896
from the Mud People,
277
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:38,827
but I'm surprised
you're out here
278
00:12:38,896 --> 00:12:40,344
supporting this outrage.
279
00:12:40,413 --> 00:12:41,827
Well, I'm really sorry,
280
00:12:41,896 --> 00:12:43,344
but it's not often
281
00:12:43,413 --> 00:12:46,931
Al offers to take us
on a family picnic.
282
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,655
No need to apologize,
is there, Marcy?
283
00:12:49,724 --> 00:12:50,758
After all,
284
00:12:50,827 --> 00:12:53,034
what's our'n is our'n,
285
00:12:53,103 --> 00:12:55,172
and what's your'n is your'n.
286
00:13:04,758 --> 00:13:06,275
Excuse me, Mom.
287
00:13:09,655 --> 00:13:11,551
Uh, excuse me, but, uh...
288
00:13:11,620 --> 00:13:13,068
These are ours.
289
00:13:13,137 --> 00:13:14,586
Not anymore!
290
00:13:14,655 --> 00:13:16,206
Some never were.
291
00:13:23,862 --> 00:13:25,482
Don't worry, dear.
292
00:13:25,551 --> 00:13:27,413
I'll take care of this.
293
00:13:28,103 --> 00:13:29,275
Mm-hmm.
294
00:13:38,448 --> 00:13:40,689
Then when I opened
the bedroom door,
295
00:13:40,758 --> 00:13:42,862
I saw him making love,
296
00:13:42,931 --> 00:13:44,862
not only to a woman,
297
00:13:44,931 --> 00:13:46,241
but a...
298
00:13:46,310 --> 00:13:47,620
What happened?
299
00:13:47,689 --> 00:13:49,448
What happened?
300
00:13:49,517 --> 00:13:50,931
Sorry, Peggy, but, uh...
301
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,586
Your cable line
302
00:13:52,655 --> 00:13:55,413
seems to have passed
through our property.
303
00:13:55,482 --> 00:13:56,586
Al.
304
00:13:58,172 --> 00:13:59,827
They killed Oprah!
305
00:14:02,655 --> 00:14:04,068
Now, look!
306
00:14:04,137 --> 00:14:05,379
Look what you've done
to my wife!
307
00:14:05,448 --> 00:14:07,517
Don't you realize
without cable TV,
308
00:14:07,586 --> 00:14:09,758
she'll want to talk to me now?
309
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:12,931
You should've thought of that
310
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,724
before you stole our barbecue!
311
00:14:14,793 --> 00:14:16,827
Two can play at this game.
312
00:14:18,620 --> 00:14:21,000
Get out of my way,
Gluteus Minimus!
313
00:14:26,827 --> 00:14:28,931
Hey, that's our phone line!
314
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,758
It's on my property.
315
00:14:33,448 --> 00:14:34,758
[SIZZLING]
316
00:14:54,103 --> 00:14:56,206
Oh, good. Our first customer.
317
00:14:57,103 --> 00:14:58,551
As you can see,
318
00:14:58,620 --> 00:15:00,068
this driveway belongs to us.
319
00:15:00,137 --> 00:15:02,551
But we'll be glad
to let you use it,
320
00:15:02,620 --> 00:15:04,068
won't we, Jefferson?
321
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,000
Sure, as long as
he pays the toll.
322
00:15:06,068 --> 00:15:07,206
How much is it?
323
00:15:07,275 --> 00:15:08,448
$1,500.
324
00:15:10,172 --> 00:15:12,103
Exact change, please.
325
00:15:12,172 --> 00:15:13,827
$1,500?
326
00:15:13,896 --> 00:15:15,379
Are you crazy?
327
00:15:16,931 --> 00:15:19,172
Who are you
calling crazy, punk?
328
00:15:24,103 --> 00:15:26,103
Your wife.
329
00:15:26,172 --> 00:15:27,448
I don't need
the stinking driveway.
330
00:15:27,517 --> 00:15:29,724
I'll drive out through
my yard.
331
00:15:35,827 --> 00:15:37,068
[POP POP]
332
00:15:42,655 --> 00:15:44,827
I wish they'd hurry up
and fix our cable.
333
00:15:44,896 --> 00:15:45,931
Me, too.
334
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,689
I hate nature shows.
335
00:15:47,758 --> 00:15:48,931
How much longer
do we have to watch
336
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,482
the mating habits
of the sea anemone?
337
00:16:00,344 --> 00:16:01,724
Well...
338
00:16:01,793 --> 00:16:03,034
At least it's better
than watching them
339
00:16:03,103 --> 00:16:04,517
act out Martin.
340
00:16:06,275 --> 00:16:08,034
I just didn't buy it
when Bud kept saying,
341
00:16:08,103 --> 00:16:09,862
"I gots to have it."
342
00:16:10,689 --> 00:16:11,758
[DOORBELL RINGS]
343
00:16:11,827 --> 00:16:13,206
I'll get it.
344
00:16:24,413 --> 00:16:25,551
Hi.
345
00:16:25,620 --> 00:16:27,103
I'm the building-code
inspector.
346
00:16:27,172 --> 00:16:28,413
Are you the one that called?
347
00:16:28,482 --> 00:16:29,586
I am.
348
00:16:33,689 --> 00:16:34,965
Aren't you...
349
00:16:35,034 --> 00:16:36,034
No.
350
00:16:36,103 --> 00:16:37,448
Don't even ask.
351
00:16:37,517 --> 00:16:38,965
I'm not him.
352
00:16:39,034 --> 00:16:40,482
I've never been him.
353
00:16:40,551 --> 00:16:42,517
I can't stand
the little creep.
354
00:16:42,586 --> 00:16:44,655
Now, I understand
you wanted to report
355
00:16:44,724 --> 00:16:46,137
an illegal driveway.
356
00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:47,586
Yes, I did, inspector.
357
00:16:47,655 --> 00:16:49,137
That one right out there.
358
00:16:49,206 --> 00:16:50,448
If you'll look carefully,
359
00:16:50,517 --> 00:16:52,137
you can see that it's built
nowhere near code.
360
00:16:52,206 --> 00:16:54,620
I know, because I built it
myself out of ground-up
women's shoes.
361
00:16:56,551 --> 00:16:58,275
How much is the fine?
362
00:16:58,344 --> 00:17:00,034
Since you turned yourself in,
363
00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:01,689
I'll let it go at $100.
364
00:17:01,758 --> 00:17:02,896
I see.
365
00:17:02,965 --> 00:17:04,344
What if I said I built it
that way
366
00:17:04,413 --> 00:17:06,586
just to make you
look like an idiot?
367
00:17:06,655 --> 00:17:09,034
Then that would be $1,500.
368
00:17:10,103 --> 00:17:11,517
And, uh...
369
00:17:11,586 --> 00:17:14,137
What if we called you
a moron to boot?
370
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,172
$2,000.
371
00:17:17,379 --> 00:17:19,034
Are you sure
you're not Gary Coleman
372
00:17:19,103 --> 00:17:20,137
from Diff'rent Strokes?
373
00:17:20,827 --> 00:17:21,896
No.
374
00:17:21,965 --> 00:17:23,379
I am not.
375
00:17:23,448 --> 00:17:25,310
Good. I hated that show.
376
00:17:27,344 --> 00:17:28,724
$5,000.
377
00:17:36,103 --> 00:17:37,551
Don't give it to me.
378
00:17:37,620 --> 00:17:39,034
It's not my driveway.
379
00:17:39,103 --> 00:17:40,586
See, it belongs to those
people right next door.
380
00:17:40,655 --> 00:17:42,344
They might not let you in.
381
00:17:42,413 --> 00:17:43,689
The only Black person
they respect
382
00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:45,241
is Ted Danson.
383
00:17:48,793 --> 00:17:50,965
What you talking about, Bundy?
384
00:17:56,413 --> 00:17:57,551
Oh, hell.
385
00:17:57,620 --> 00:17:59,586
Now I have to fine myself.
386
00:18:01,931 --> 00:18:03,448
All right, Dad!
387
00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:06,034
That was great, Al.
388
00:18:06,103 --> 00:18:07,517
You got them.
389
00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:09,068
Tune in next week
390
00:18:09,137 --> 00:18:11,586
for another exciting episode
of Cops.
391
00:18:16,965 --> 00:18:19,482
I hate playing
the hairy drug dealer.
392
00:18:19,551 --> 00:18:21,344
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
393
00:18:21,413 --> 00:18:23,103
Come in, Jefferson.
394
00:18:26,137 --> 00:18:27,551
Yeah, good one, Al.
395
00:18:27,620 --> 00:18:29,068
I got to hand it to you.
396
00:18:29,137 --> 00:18:31,068
You're a formidable adversary.
397
00:18:31,137 --> 00:18:33,310
You certainly won my respect.
398
00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:36,137
Does that mean I get the use
of my driveway back?
399
00:18:36,206 --> 00:18:38,620
Well, we've already
taken the tollbooth down,
400
00:18:38,689 --> 00:18:40,137
and I can promise
401
00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:42,241
that you'll never
have to worry about
402
00:18:42,310 --> 00:18:44,724
that little driveway
problem again.
403
00:18:47,068 --> 00:18:48,068
MARCY: Three,
404
00:18:48,137 --> 00:18:49,241
two, one!
405
00:18:49,310 --> 00:18:50,655
[EXPLOSION]
406
00:18:57,931 --> 00:18:59,310
I guess I should've brought
407
00:18:59,379 --> 00:19:01,103
some extra earmuffs with me.
408
00:19:01,172 --> 00:19:02,241
What?
409
00:19:03,827 --> 00:19:05,034
So long.
410
00:19:06,448 --> 00:19:08,172
What did he call me?
411
00:19:09,758 --> 00:19:11,862
Why would I want any cheese?
412
00:19:13,793 --> 00:19:15,724
I never realized what
a turn-on
413
00:19:15,793 --> 00:19:17,310
handling heavy explosives
could be.
414
00:19:17,379 --> 00:19:18,517
Mmm.
415
00:19:18,586 --> 00:19:21,034
Well, you came
to the right place.
416
00:19:21,103 --> 00:19:23,586
My pajamas are filled
with dynamite.
417
00:19:26,758 --> 00:19:28,344
[CRANKING SOUND]
418
00:19:29,517 --> 00:19:30,689
Jefferson.
419
00:19:30,758 --> 00:19:31,896
Hmm?
420
00:19:31,965 --> 00:19:34,206
The earth is moving for me.
421
00:19:34,275 --> 00:19:36,689
Hey, it's moving for me, too.
422
00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:38,275
Damn, I'm good.
423
00:19:40,103 --> 00:19:41,896
You're not this good.
424
00:19:48,448 --> 00:19:50,379
Oh, my God! It's Al!
425
00:19:50,448 --> 00:19:52,413
He's jacking up the house!
426
00:19:53,103 --> 00:19:54,620
Ha ha ha ha ha!
427
00:19:58,379 --> 00:20:00,310
Ha ha ha ha ha!
428
00:20:00,379 --> 00:20:01,896
We're even now!
429
00:20:03,275 --> 00:20:04,310
Aah!
430
00:20:22,448 --> 00:20:24,034
Hello, Fred?
431
00:20:24,103 --> 00:20:25,862
Jefferson D'Arcy.
432
00:20:25,931 --> 00:20:28,379
Say, does your son still have
433
00:20:28,448 --> 00:20:30,206
that rocket launcher?
434
00:20:47,931 --> 00:20:49,344
Well, there's probably
a lesson
435
00:20:49,413 --> 00:20:51,344
to be learned from all this,
436
00:20:51,413 --> 00:20:54,068
but I'll be damned
if I know what it is.
437
00:20:57,103 --> 00:20:58,551
Hey, Al, uh...
438
00:20:58,620 --> 00:21:01,034
I've been doing a lot
of thinking, and...
439
00:21:01,103 --> 00:21:02,551
I've decided to apologize.
440
00:21:02,620 --> 00:21:04,034
We both want to.
441
00:21:04,103 --> 00:21:06,034
Friendship is much
more important
442
00:21:06,103 --> 00:21:07,551
than material things.
443
00:21:07,620 --> 00:21:09,034
Oh, you're right, Marcy.
444
00:21:09,103 --> 00:21:11,413
I want to be friends, too.
445
00:21:11,482 --> 00:21:12,551
Al.
446
00:21:12,620 --> 00:21:14,034
We're married, Peg.
447
00:21:14,103 --> 00:21:16,310
We can't be friends.
448
00:21:16,379 --> 00:21:19,172
I think she meant
with the D'Arcys, Dad.
449
00:21:19,241 --> 00:21:20,310
Oh.
450
00:21:20,379 --> 00:21:21,793
I guess it's all right
451
00:21:21,862 --> 00:21:23,827
to try to mend our friendship.
452
00:21:23,896 --> 00:21:26,689
Dad, they blew out
the wall of our house.
453
00:21:26,758 --> 00:21:28,724
Bud's room is a mess.
454
00:21:28,793 --> 00:21:31,275
There's rubber
body parts everywhere.
455
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,896
I know, pumpkin.
456
00:21:34,965 --> 00:21:36,896
But all the more reason
457
00:21:36,965 --> 00:21:38,896
we should extend the hand
458
00:21:38,965 --> 00:21:39,965
of forgiveness.
459
00:21:40,034 --> 00:21:41,413
First of all,
460
00:21:41,482 --> 00:21:43,896
our other neighbors will
hear of this grand gesture
461
00:21:43,965 --> 00:21:45,413
and be pleased.
462
00:21:45,482 --> 00:21:47,413
Then other communities
will come
463
00:21:47,482 --> 00:21:50,413
to see the D'Arcys
and the Bundys
464
00:21:50,482 --> 00:21:52,965
living side by side in peace.
465
00:21:54,551 --> 00:21:56,965
Then whole cities will
take note.
466
00:21:57,034 --> 00:21:58,034
Then countries.
467
00:21:58,103 --> 00:21:59,517
And who knows?
468
00:21:59,586 --> 00:22:00,655
Maybe someday,
469
00:22:00,724 --> 00:22:02,551
in a universe far away...
470
00:22:02,620 --> 00:22:03,965
[RUSTLING]
471
00:22:05,551 --> 00:22:07,965
It's on my side! It's on my side!
472
00:22:08,034 --> 00:22:09,379
It's mine!
473
00:22:09,448 --> 00:22:10,758
I grew it,
474
00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:12,724
I'll eat it.
30874
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