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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:26,455 --> 00:01:28,791 Well, we finished the errands, Mom. 2 00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:32,626 It's such a treat driving Dad's Dodge. The noise, the rust... 3 00:01:32,822 --> 00:01:36,660 ...the thrill of watching the open road through the open floorboard. 4 00:01:36,857 --> 00:01:41,428 We got everything you wanted from the store: bourbon-flavored bonbons... 5 00:01:41,624 --> 00:01:43,459 ...romance novels... 6 00:01:44,025 --> 00:01:46,460 ...Kenny G CD. 7 00:01:47,258 --> 00:01:50,361 You and Dad are gonna have quite a time tonight, huh? 8 00:01:50,525 --> 00:01:52,594 Batteries. 9 00:01:57,459 --> 00:02:00,462 You know, it seems like there's something we forgot to do today. 10 00:02:11,929 --> 00:02:15,265 I guess my cries this morning of "if you use the car... 11 00:02:15,462 --> 00:02:19,400 ...please, I beg you, pick me up from work" was a little vague. 12 00:02:20,263 --> 00:02:21,665 Al, would you shut up? 13 00:02:21,864 --> 00:02:24,833 We're trying to remember what we forgot to do. 14 00:02:25,231 --> 00:02:27,733 How did I get home, you ask? 15 00:02:27,931 --> 00:02:31,267 Not having correct change for public transportation... 16 00:02:31,464 --> 00:02:33,667 ...nor the bills to get correct change... 17 00:02:33,865 --> 00:02:37,035 ...nor the job to get the bills to get correct change... 18 00:02:37,232 --> 00:02:42,037 ...I got a ride from two fine gentlemen who drive the road-kill truck. 19 00:02:42,934 --> 00:02:44,635 How was your day, Peg? 20 00:02:44,833 --> 00:02:48,070 Anything interesting happen on the couch? 21 00:02:48,267 --> 00:02:50,169 -Well, actually-- -I don't care. 22 00:02:53,634 --> 00:02:55,736 Give me my car key. 23 00:02:57,869 --> 00:03:00,872 Last time you get to use the Dodge! 24 00:03:04,069 --> 00:03:07,139 -How will I get to school? -Yeah, Dad. How will I get to work? 25 00:03:07,337 --> 00:03:12,809 How will I get to the store to buy the double issue of the National Enquirer? 26 00:03:13,371 --> 00:03:16,341 And food and groceries. 27 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:19,574 Dad, why don't you just get us a car? 28 00:03:19,772 --> 00:03:23,375 Jeez, Louise, why didn't I think of that? 29 00:03:24,039 --> 00:03:26,574 New cars for everybody! 30 00:03:27,973 --> 00:03:30,776 Peg, would you like a BMW? 31 00:03:31,373 --> 00:03:33,609 I kind of see myself in a Jaguar. 32 00:03:34,207 --> 00:03:37,477 If only we could find one that hungry. 33 00:03:42,741 --> 00:03:46,478 Well, I have $400 saved from work. I'll get a car myself. 34 00:03:46,676 --> 00:03:49,679 Hey, wait a second. I have $400 saved too. 35 00:03:49,876 --> 00:03:53,179 We can pool our money and share a car twice as nice. 36 00:03:53,376 --> 00:03:57,681 -Yeah. Not like Dad's piece of-- -Children! 37 00:03:57,977 --> 00:04:00,513 Oh, what the hell.... Wolfen. 38 00:04:01,611 --> 00:04:05,982 Let me tell you something about sharing. It can only come to trouble. 39 00:04:06,211 --> 00:04:10,149 Your mother and I shared a bed, and nothing good came out of it. 40 00:04:11,379 --> 00:04:15,350 Well, maybe that's because nothing good went into it. 41 00:04:18,980 --> 00:04:21,449 It doesn't matter. You've only got $800. 42 00:04:21,647 --> 00:04:23,783 And $800 can't buy you a car. 43 00:04:30,648 --> 00:04:33,851 -Jefferson, tell them what $800 can buy. -Well... 44 00:04:34,050 --> 00:04:36,585 ...it could buy you a nice car. 45 00:04:37,649 --> 00:04:40,218 You know where we can get a car for $800? 46 00:04:40,417 --> 00:04:44,654 Car auctions. You know, where they sell cars seized by federal agencies. 47 00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:47,620 True. They may not be in the best of shape. 48 00:04:47,985 --> 00:04:50,621 Bullet holes, blood stains... 49 00:04:50,818 --> 00:04:53,587 ...the smell of rotting bodies. 50 00:04:53,786 --> 00:04:57,289 But then you don't seem to mind riding in the Dodge. 51 00:04:58,453 --> 00:05:01,222 There are no bullet holes in my Dodge. 52 00:05:01,853 --> 00:05:06,158 But that can be changed if you're willing to crawl into the trunk. 53 00:05:06,788 --> 00:05:11,592 -Dad, take us to the auction. Please. -We'll share. 54 00:05:16,689 --> 00:05:18,157 How'd the auction go? 55 00:05:18,456 --> 00:05:22,460 Do not touch the car. We don't know where your hands have been. 56 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:25,626 Then you better not sit in it! 57 00:05:31,391 --> 00:05:33,226 Fine. 58 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:36,361 As you can tell, the kids purchased a car. And as you can see... 59 00:05:36,558 --> 00:05:39,561 ...all my fears about them sharing were unfounded. 60 00:05:40,592 --> 00:05:42,661 I warned you! 61 00:05:47,026 --> 00:05:50,763 But on the good side, I got them to knock off another $100 on the car. 62 00:05:50,961 --> 00:05:54,230 Why pay for seat belts if you don't have brakes? 63 00:05:58,361 --> 00:06:01,564 -You know what I'm gonna do? -Give the money to me? 64 00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:04,565 Yes. To buy groceries. 65 00:06:05,796 --> 00:06:07,831 Groceries? 66 00:06:08,263 --> 00:06:12,600 Yes, Peg. The stuff you have to wade through to get to the TV Guide. 67 00:06:12,797 --> 00:06:17,068 And I better be able to eat everything in that bag, Peg. Just food. 68 00:06:17,264 --> 00:06:18,999 Just beef. 69 00:06:19,196 --> 00:06:21,067 Just do it. 70 00:06:21,067 --> 00:06:21,165 Just do it. 71 00:06:22,699 --> 00:06:26,369 That's right, Peg. God, they look so firm. 72 00:06:27,399 --> 00:06:30,202 Hold them up for me, baby. 73 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:37,070 Now let's see that pretty rump. 74 00:06:38,434 --> 00:06:39,702 Beautiful! 75 00:06:45,902 --> 00:06:48,705 Al, my blisters are hurting from carrying that food... 76 00:06:48,868 --> 00:06:50,804 ...to the checkout counter. 77 00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:52,537 If you'd been there before... 78 00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:56,106 ...you'd know the carts in front of the store are for that. 79 00:06:56,903 --> 00:07:00,239 I thought that was parking for the homeless. 80 00:07:02,804 --> 00:07:04,872 You will never guess who I met. 81 00:07:05,071 --> 00:07:09,475 The guy who plays Neuter the Cat on the Tender Innards commercials. 82 00:07:10,072 --> 00:07:11,807 You mean that one that says... 83 00:07:12,006 --> 00:07:17,011 ..."If this meat were any fresher, the jockey would still be riding it"? 84 00:07:17,573 --> 00:07:21,644 He's so hot. He's the 10th most recognizable cat in media history... 85 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:24,776 ...behind Heathcliff and the late Miles Davis. 86 00:07:25,207 --> 00:07:28,610 Look, sweetheart. Daddy's got meat! 87 00:07:30,275 --> 00:07:31,977 That's great, Daddy. 88 00:07:32,175 --> 00:07:34,577 This guy could do wonders for my career... 89 00:07:34,775 --> 00:07:37,244 ...so I asked him on a date in my new car. 90 00:07:37,409 --> 00:07:39,011 Not so fast, Pumpkin. 91 00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:41,611 You're gonna need to be covered. 92 00:07:42,110 --> 00:07:44,646 Isn't that up to the guy, Dad? 93 00:07:47,177 --> 00:07:50,213 I'm talking about auto insurance, you little-- 94 00:07:53,178 --> 00:07:54,679 Oh, now, Pumpkin... 95 00:07:54,878 --> 00:07:58,415 ...just so you didn't think I didn't care, I got the best. 96 00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:02,115 South Forty Auto Insurance, the farmer's friend. 97 00:08:02,313 --> 00:08:07,518 -But there are things you need to know. -You registered it as a farm vehicle? 98 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:13,618 Don't be surprised. He registered the Dodge as a pull toy. 99 00:08:14,214 --> 00:08:17,250 The next thing I register's gonna be a handgun. 100 00:08:18,881 --> 00:08:21,684 Sweetheart, now that you drive a farm vehicle... 101 00:08:21,882 --> 00:08:25,052 ...there are a few restrictions you need to know about: 102 00:08:25,249 --> 00:08:29,120 One, you must not drive on paved roads. 103 00:08:29,383 --> 00:08:33,821 Two, the Amish always have the right of way. 104 00:08:33,984 --> 00:08:37,087 Three, since you always must be on official business... 105 00:08:37,285 --> 00:08:39,887 ...you must have this in your car at all times. 106 00:08:46,386 --> 00:08:50,991 Hence the South Forty motto, "No chicken, no check." 107 00:08:53,020 --> 00:08:55,456 Hey, Kel, great news. I got-- 108 00:08:57,420 --> 00:09:00,090 South Forty Insurance, Dad? 109 00:09:00,921 --> 00:09:02,356 It's a damn fine company. 110 00:09:02,521 --> 00:09:07,026 Farmer's best friend, next to a sheep and a tall wheat field. 111 00:09:10,090 --> 00:09:14,361 Anyhow, I got a date with a foreign exchange student who's so easy... 112 00:09:14,523 --> 00:09:18,027 ...she makes you look like a calculus problem. 113 00:09:21,991 --> 00:09:26,729 Well, you can't have the car tonight because I'm going out with Neuter. 114 00:09:28,025 --> 00:09:30,828 You can go out with Dad anytime. 115 00:09:34,626 --> 00:09:40,232 -I promised to take her to the drive-in. -I'm taking my date there in my car. 116 00:09:40,427 --> 00:09:43,998 -I'm not giving up my date. -I'm not giving up mine. 117 00:09:59,830 --> 00:10:02,833 American movies are so confusing. 118 00:10:03,030 --> 00:10:05,833 So much subtext. So much character. 119 00:10:07,264 --> 00:10:09,467 The important part to remember... 120 00:10:09,665 --> 00:10:12,801 ...is that Elmer is mad at Bugs. 121 00:10:14,932 --> 00:10:19,236 You see, he tied his shotgun into a bow earlier. 122 00:10:21,833 --> 00:10:23,601 Exchange student, huh? 123 00:10:24,033 --> 00:10:28,104 What did we send to her country, a head of lettuce and some sand? 124 00:10:29,401 --> 00:10:31,603 What does she mean by that? 125 00:10:31,835 --> 00:10:33,903 Nothing. 126 00:10:34,235 --> 00:10:36,304 I'm just gonna get comfortable here. 127 00:10:39,235 --> 00:10:41,838 I'm sorry, Kel, if I hurt your legs... 128 00:10:42,003 --> 00:10:43,904 ...or his hand. 129 00:10:48,837 --> 00:10:50,905 It's okay. Accidents happen. 130 00:10:51,104 --> 00:10:53,439 Which explains you. 131 00:10:55,637 --> 00:11:00,009 -Hey, shut up! -We're trying to have sex over here! 132 00:11:00,205 --> 00:11:03,008 So are we! 133 00:11:04,139 --> 00:11:06,575 You know, I'm sure you hear this all the time... 134 00:11:06,740 --> 00:11:09,709 ...but your portrayal of Neuter is staggering. 135 00:11:10,806 --> 00:11:12,108 Thanks. 136 00:11:12,307 --> 00:11:14,642 Have you seen my one where I say... 137 00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:18,511 ..."My stomach hails the taste of entrails"? 138 00:11:22,441 --> 00:11:24,610 Great date, Kel. 139 00:11:25,509 --> 00:11:28,679 What, was the 4000 Flushes guy busy? 140 00:11:31,909 --> 00:11:36,848 Well, I'm sorry if we were disturbing you and Evita up here. 141 00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:42,616 It's just unusual for me to see you with a date that doesn't require a patch kit. 142 00:11:45,945 --> 00:11:48,848 What does she mean by that? 143 00:11:49,612 --> 00:11:51,414 Nothing. 144 00:12:00,481 --> 00:12:01,682 Shut up! 145 00:12:02,148 --> 00:12:03,950 Come on. Come on. 146 00:12:04,148 --> 00:12:05,449 Let's go. 147 00:12:10,249 --> 00:12:13,819 All right, Kel, look. We can't go on like this anymore. 148 00:12:14,016 --> 00:12:16,518 In order to make this sharing thing work... 149 00:12:16,716 --> 00:12:19,853 ...we have to coexist together in the car, okay? 150 00:12:20,017 --> 00:12:22,152 Okay. Deal. 151 00:12:30,718 --> 00:12:31,986 Bud... 152 00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:35,922 ...my loins are warm for you. 153 00:12:40,487 --> 00:12:42,455 Get out. 154 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:44,654 No. I hate you. 155 00:12:44,854 --> 00:12:48,290 If you want the back seat, get into someone else's car. 156 00:12:48,488 --> 00:12:50,156 That is really stupid. 157 00:12:51,721 --> 00:12:53,023 Hey... 158 00:12:53,222 --> 00:12:56,525 ...wanna get into the back seat of someone else's car? 159 00:12:57,522 --> 00:12:59,991 Or better yet, that pickup truck? 160 00:13:00,623 --> 00:13:02,325 Isn't that dangerous? 161 00:13:02,923 --> 00:13:06,327 Well, "Danger" is my middle name. 162 00:13:08,557 --> 00:13:11,327 Franklin's his middle name. 163 00:13:12,557 --> 00:13:15,360 Watch. I'll show you how easy it is. 164 00:13:28,860 --> 00:13:30,762 It's all clear. 165 00:13:30,961 --> 00:13:33,130 Come and get it. 166 00:13:36,862 --> 00:13:39,064 Hit the floor. 167 00:13:46,863 --> 00:13:49,132 Oh, look. He must really like you. 168 00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,854 He's wearing his underwear with the hearts. 169 00:13:51,854 --> 00:13:52,164 He's wearing his underwear with the hearts. 170 00:14:07,066 --> 00:14:10,269 Peg, what are you doing down there? 171 00:14:10,932 --> 00:14:12,768 I'm over here, Mongo. 172 00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:15,436 Well, Peg, where's my tri-tip? 173 00:14:15,700 --> 00:14:19,637 According to Jake, the refrigerator couldn't handle that much food. 174 00:14:19,834 --> 00:14:22,103 So it just kind of OD'd. 175 00:14:22,667 --> 00:14:24,836 What are you saying? That can't happen! 176 00:14:25,068 --> 00:14:27,270 Happened to Elvis. 177 00:14:28,369 --> 00:14:30,938 -Where's my food? -I gave it to the poor. 178 00:14:31,136 --> 00:14:33,905 Well, then it's still around here. 179 00:14:34,636 --> 00:14:37,305 Get over it, Al. It's gone. And so am I. 180 00:14:37,504 --> 00:14:40,173 -I'm eating with the D'Arcys. -What about me? 181 00:14:40,370 --> 00:14:42,939 -They don't like you. -I don't like them. 182 00:14:43,104 --> 00:14:45,040 But I'm willing to go. 183 00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:51,473 Why do I come here? 184 00:14:52,506 --> 00:14:55,375 Why doesn't Willie Nelson do a benefit for me? 185 00:14:55,572 --> 00:14:58,675 He could call it "Al Aid." 186 00:14:58,839 --> 00:15:01,675 I'm so hungry, I could eat a vegetable. 187 00:15:04,874 --> 00:15:06,876 Marcie? 188 00:15:16,942 --> 00:15:19,045 There's a note. 189 00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:23,781 Dear Daddy. Due to circus dances.... 190 00:15:24,676 --> 00:15:28,480 -Due to circumst-- -What Kelly is trying to say is... 191 00:15:28,644 --> 00:15:30,646 ...we had to dump the chicken. 192 00:15:30,844 --> 00:15:35,883 P.S. By the time you read this, I'll be getting some. 193 00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:40,448 Love, Bud. 194 00:15:42,279 --> 00:15:45,082 What am I supposed to do with a live chicken? 195 00:15:51,947 --> 00:15:55,584 Welcome to the terror dome. 196 00:16:07,949 --> 00:16:12,387 Well, I went to the nurse-slash-hotdog lady. 197 00:16:13,950 --> 00:16:16,553 Did you know that relish aids in clotting? 198 00:16:17,451 --> 00:16:19,787 Bud, you are so brave. 199 00:16:19,985 --> 00:16:22,921 You let the dog rip you to pieces for me. 200 00:16:23,118 --> 00:16:26,989 I resonate in my seat for you. 201 00:16:31,787 --> 00:16:34,356 Get out! 202 00:16:36,554 --> 00:16:39,157 People with futures are talking here. 203 00:16:39,788 --> 00:16:42,157 So you really brought your cat suit? 204 00:16:42,355 --> 00:16:46,325 Yeah. It helps me be myself. 205 00:16:47,322 --> 00:16:50,559 I know it's hard to believe, but I'm a little shy. 206 00:16:50,756 --> 00:16:56,128 I had a tough childhood. People think the rich have it easy. Well, we don't. 207 00:16:56,323 --> 00:16:58,159 Rich? 208 00:16:59,158 --> 00:17:01,293 I don't mean like trillionaires. 209 00:17:01,491 --> 00:17:03,894 Just a few billion. 210 00:17:07,858 --> 00:17:09,727 Anyway, I know it's strange... 211 00:17:09,925 --> 00:17:14,396 ...but there are things I can say in my costume that I can't say out of it. 212 00:17:14,592 --> 00:17:16,161 Like what? 213 00:17:16,593 --> 00:17:20,264 Like...inviting certain people I like... 214 00:17:20,460 --> 00:17:25,498 ...to all-expense-paid trips to certain island paradises that I own. 215 00:17:27,895 --> 00:17:30,297 Get out! 216 00:17:31,695 --> 00:17:34,698 Not this time, Fancy Feast. 217 00:17:39,596 --> 00:17:42,166 The worm has turned. 218 00:17:43,164 --> 00:17:45,766 You mean to tell me that a couple seconds of cheap sex... 219 00:17:45,931 --> 00:17:48,167 ...means more to you than my happiness? 220 00:17:48,398 --> 00:17:51,568 A milk shake means more to me than your happiness. 221 00:17:53,165 --> 00:17:55,700 Fine. Come on, Neuter. 222 00:17:57,166 --> 00:18:00,669 Let's walk amongst the pines and empty tubes of ointment... 223 00:18:00,833 --> 00:18:03,903 ...and talk of the things you own and will give me. 224 00:18:05,867 --> 00:18:08,937 If you'll just help me out of these bandages here... 225 00:18:09,134 --> 00:18:12,104 ...we can test the shocks on this baby. 226 00:18:15,169 --> 00:18:17,738 So this island that you own... 227 00:18:17,935 --> 00:18:21,305 ...is it near the beach? 228 00:18:26,937 --> 00:18:28,605 Yes. 229 00:18:29,004 --> 00:18:32,007 Well, then put your head on and let's talk. 230 00:18:36,604 --> 00:18:38,406 Kelly... 231 00:18:38,605 --> 00:18:42,709 ...I've been alone for a long, long time. 232 00:19:14,110 --> 00:19:15,945 Just one more bandage. 233 00:19:16,777 --> 00:19:20,114 Then I can really hurt you. 234 00:19:22,745 --> 00:19:25,681 It's been so long. 235 00:19:27,612 --> 00:19:31,083 Well, it's gonna be even longer, King Tut. 236 00:19:32,413 --> 00:19:36,184 -What are you doing here? -I don't wanna talk about it. 237 00:19:36,380 --> 00:19:38,615 Sit down, Neuter. 238 00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:44,016 I'm hungry. 239 00:19:44,215 --> 00:19:47,785 Bud, why don't you go to the nurse and get us a hot dog. 240 00:19:49,015 --> 00:19:52,819 -Why don't you go? -No. You go. 241 00:19:54,782 --> 00:19:57,118 Look. Let's just both go, okay? 242 00:19:57,316 --> 00:19:59,151 All right. 243 00:20:04,784 --> 00:20:06,019 Look, Kel. 244 00:20:07,751 --> 00:20:11,488 -I'm sorry about your friend, okay? -Yeah, well, it's okay. 245 00:20:11,685 --> 00:20:16,023 It's just my luck. All the other cats are either married or gay. 246 00:20:16,219 --> 00:20:17,787 Listen. Let's not fight. 247 00:20:17,986 --> 00:20:19,888 You and Sonja take the car... 248 00:20:20,087 --> 00:20:24,424 ...and Neuter and I will go hang out in an alley. He's used to it. 249 00:20:24,620 --> 00:20:26,923 -Thanks, Kel. -No problem. 250 00:20:27,188 --> 00:20:31,158 -Oh, Neuter! -Oh, Sonja! 251 00:20:36,888 --> 00:20:39,524 You know what really hurts, Kel? 252 00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:45,360 Throwing meat in the car and setting Cujo loose on them? 253 00:20:46,590 --> 00:20:48,892 You're way ahead of me. 254 00:20:49,091 --> 00:20:51,693 Then let's get it over with. 255 00:21:01,826 --> 00:21:03,961 Al, correct me if I'm wrong... 256 00:21:04,159 --> 00:21:07,930 ...but didn't the insurance policy say "no chicken, no check"? 257 00:21:09,594 --> 00:21:12,363 You hate to see me eat, don't you, Peg? 258 00:21:12,561 --> 00:21:15,997 But it's too late. It's in, and it's staying in. 259 00:21:16,428 --> 00:21:19,698 Yeah. I've heard that before. 260 00:21:24,529 --> 00:21:26,131 I'll get another chicken tomorrow. 261 00:21:26,296 --> 00:21:28,798 The chances of them wrecking the car the one night... 262 00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:32,233 ...the chicken isn't in it is a billion-to-one. 263 00:21:32,730 --> 00:21:34,833 Daddy, we wrecked the car. 264 00:21:35,597 --> 00:21:36,898 On purpose. 265 00:21:37,098 --> 00:21:40,401 You were right. Kelly and I aren't ready to share. 266 00:21:40,598 --> 00:21:43,201 So to get our money back, we totaled it. 267 00:21:44,032 --> 00:21:46,668 All you have to do is toss the chicken in the back seat... 268 00:21:46,833 --> 00:21:50,136 ...before the insurance company gets here and we're home free. 269 00:21:50,333 --> 00:21:52,335 You proud of us, big guy? 20869

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