Original subtitles

I feel so good because I'm a lucky guy.

Feel so good.

I feel so good because I'm a lucky guy.

Happy summer

time.

Happy summer time. I feel so good.

Lucky the trail is just awesome, dude.

Look at those bazookas.

They're not bad.

I mean, she's nothing compared to McGretchen. Yeah, well, but she's eight.

The lesson of the trail is at least a twelve, man.

She's coming to Klein -Kuckuck's Dorf to shoot her new movie, Scary Windmill 2.

Unbelievable.

Hollywood hits our beliefs.

But this just stays between the two of us, right?

Yeah. I don't think I want anybody knowing about this, dear.

Hold on.

It's getting all red and starting to hurt.

It's really bad to be doing that without lotion on, you know? Help me out,

please!

I always forget this man at home.

Better swear not to tell anybody about this baby.

Is that better?

Much better.

A little smoother there, huh?

How long have you been doing this for?

I don't know.

At least an hour or so.

Oh, my God, that's too long.

I've heard that you can really cause medical problems.

You're such a loser, Lucky.

I do it at least twice a day.

Otherwise, you don't get the full effect.

That was great.

I feel fantastic.

Okay,

Lucky. From now on, you use your birthday present at least twice a day.

You're going to have a six -pack like mine in no time.

Gretchen will dig it.

I can't wait.

Thanks so much, J .D. No problem. That's what friends are for.

Look at my muscles.

I don't want to look anymore.

Hey,

thanks a lot.

Great birthday party. Always welcome. See you next year.

But they're all real.

Scheisse.

Hey,

look. Lucky Fritz.

Biggest look in the world.

Nice bike, Nurse Fritz.

Hey, pull off.

Gee, you look terrible.

Thanks. We had my birthday party yesterday.

J .D. slept over.

Didn't get much sleep.

I'm sorry, Lucky. I forgot. Well, happy birthday. Oh, that's all right.

So, was it a good party?

Lots of ladies involved?

No, not really. Just me, J .D., and the television.

So how many earthworms today?

Just a couple of dozen.

Then, well, you came to the right place anyway.

Best earthworms in town. Not going to find one of this fat and juicy anywhere

else, I'll tell you that much.

And besides, very friendly with the fish.

That's what I like about them.

There you go.

All your earthworms, and I threw in a few extra for you.

Thanks a lot.

Look at that money.

Yeah. Doing well now.

You'll end up rich.

Yeah, you bet.

Well.

Good luck with the fishes.

I don't know. It doesn't look like I'll be doing any fishing at all today.

I don't know.

I know where they are, and this will probably just blow over.

Oh, my.

That was close.

Oh, no. Not again.

Lucky.

Britt.

Can you hear me?

I thought you were a goner. You need a doctor, baby.

Baby? Boy, you're still alive.

Oh, boy, you need a doctor.

You're one lucky fellow, Fred. I don't know anyone else who's been struck by

lightning on three separate occasions.

And the fact that you're still alive to tell about it, the odds are

astronomical. Somebody must be looking out for you.

You're a real lucky, lucky Fritz.

Well, the only problem, Doctor, is I have this weird tingling sensation in me

arms. It feels like I'm electrified.

I've never felt that in the other times. It'll go away.

Just go home.

Have a shower. Take it easy for a few days.

I was always wondering, don't you get lonely out there in that old boat, all

yourself? Can I come and visit you?

Well, What about tonight?

Oh, Lucky, I don't know if I've ever told you this, but I love you.

I really do.

I love you too, Lisa.

In a friend sort of way.

You're a good guy, Lucky.

And you smell like burned popcorn.

I think you and I should get better acquainted.

What do you say you and I raffle?

Must be going.

Nice!

Leslie, what are you thinking about, your dead hamster?

Excuse me, you moron. That was excellent.

Anyway, you couldn't even direct your way out of a wet paper bag if you had

I'll take a break.

Where's my special water?

Would it kill anybody to bring me some?

Hi, Leslie. I'm here for the interview.

So, I understand this is your first day of shooting here in Germany. Are you

excited? I love it.

This is more of a challenge than making music videos. I mean, really, who cares

about videos anymore? It's like so 80s.

So, do you have any concerns about becoming a serious actress? I mean, as

know, oftentimes when a famous pop star attempts to become a serious actress,

the results are, well, less than stellar.

Uh, so, uh... Can you tell me a little more about your role?

Right now, I'm just thirsty.

If you're interested, it's like this asshole director thinks he's Filoni or

something.

You mean Fellini?

Whatever. Don't correct me. I hate it.

Just do like everyone else.

Buy a ticket and bring some friends, if you have any.

Did you get my special water?

No. You're fired. Give me the keys.

It's weird.

No After Effect this time.

Guess I'll go log in.

How are you today?

Wait a minute.

Aren't you, uh... Aren't you one of those inbreds in town?

One Icelandic glacier spring water to go.

Get it?

I don't think we have that here.

We have just regular bottled water. Yeah, okay, whatever.

This water looks all too delicious.

I'll take another 24.

Would you be so kind and help me carry them to the car?

Yeah,

sure, I suppose.

Right.

So, what's your name?

Lucky. Lucky what?

Lucky Prick.

Where do you live, Lucky Prick?

I live on Houseboat, by the lake.

Oh, like a pirate?

I've always been a sucker for a tough, rough pirate.

Oh, you poor baby. I'm sorry.

Oh,

you feel so good.

Yeah, I feel fine, thanks.

You do.

You want me, don't you?

Take me right here, right now, on the front of the car.

Um, I've got to get back to work, actually.

Thanks a lot.

Lucky!

Lucky! Lucky, wait!

Lucky!

Lucky!

Hurry.

Close for lunch.

Close.

Of course that piece of shit director's going to wait for me. I'm the freaking

star. I'm coming, I'm coming.

We'll be right back, okay?

Okay.

That was just weird.

What was that?

I'm sorry to see you.

Yeah. Wow, that was Leslie Luttrell. Yeah, it was. She's shooting Scary

2 here. I guess.

Come on in.

Go ahead and drop the ice bags on the counter there. You can get the money

the till.

My cousin says these Hollywood types are really crazy.

Yeah, cousin's right.

All right, my man. I guess I'll see you next week. All right, then. Thank you.

Take care.

I can't let you pay for that ice.

It's just frozen water. That's all it is. Well, I, um... You see, I really

you, Lucky.

And it's just an honor to be able to serve you.

I kind of said that. No, no, no. Take it. Take it.

Really, I mustn't. It's a gift from a friend.

Okay.

He's a great guy.

Kid. And he... Smells like... Toast.

That lucky.

What a shame.

He's been obsessed with her for years, and she knows nothing about it.

Why doesn't he just talk to her?

Just too shy and insecure.

So when are you going to ask her out?

Who? Don't play dumb with me, Lucky. The only reason you work double shifts

every Tuesday is to come in and stare at Gretchen. What are you waiting for?

A nice girl like that ain't going to be single forever.

Well, it's just that... I mean, she...

Pretty. Hold that thought. I have to take an order here.

The girl was unloved. So I left myself and... Hope you don't mind.

Mind?

No, no, not... How did you find me? I always get

what I want.

And tonight, I want you to be my director.

Tell me what's true, hmm?

Command me.

Bask me around.

I've never done it in a houseboat before.

This would be fun.

I didn't... I'm not very comfortable with this sort of thing.

Besides, I... We need to kind of hurry, though, because my boyfriend will be

suspicious if we've gone too long.

Boyfriend?

Hey,

Luck. I'm sorry.

I didn't know you had company from Hollywood.

Well, no, it's not company, really.

We really don't even know each other.

I love you, love.

Have I ever told you that? Yeah, actually, you told me this morning.

Would you like me better if I got a manicure?

Mr., do you mind? We were in the middle of something.

Oh. I brought you your favorite cupcakes.

Oh, cupcakes.

Great.

I'm not interfering, am I? As a matter of fact, you are.

We were... But, you know... Oh, wait a minute.

Some guy in an ice truck came by earlier.

He's got to give these to you.

Who is this ice truck guy, anyway?

Yeah. Who is that ice truck guy?

Ever since you left the cafe just now, I've had only one thing on my mind. I

want to see you eat cupcakes and dance while I

play the violin.

What? No.

No? Yes!

Yes! Yes! Get away from him!

You sicko!

He is mine. Why don't you take your greasy apron and go find someone you own

Lucky he needs a mature, gentle accordion player like me, not some

singer -actor Hollywood floozy like you.

Floozy?

waiting for an hour. I thought we were the earthworm business together.

Don't touch me. What's going on, Lux?

What's with the hat?

You been partying while I was fishing worms out of the mud? No, it's nothing

like that. Now, listen to me, J .D., we've been best friends for a long time,

right? Yeah. Okay, there's something I need to tell you about. It's really

important.

Peanut?

No, thanks. I had cupcakes.

Listen, in all the years that we've known each other, how many times have we

been hit on the girls?

Are you kidding?

You know, we had never been hit on by any girl.

Exactly. Well, what if I told you I was hit on, like, uh... Well, I don't know,

a lot.

I say that lightning has seriously damaged your brain, dude. Every single

that's touched me has gotten this weird reaction.

It just seems like suddenly everybody's trying to become friends with me, or be

nice to me, or give me stuff, or, you know, they want to... They all want to,

you know...

Do that thing that we've never done before.

Oh, that thing. Why?

Okay, I'll give you an example.

You know Leslie with Trouble?

Did you see her?

See her? Are you kidding me? When I came home, she was sitting there practically

naked in some sexy little number. And all she wanted was to do the next.

You old peckerhead.

You had me going there for a minute.

How did you come up with a crazy -ass story like that? I know it's hard to

believe.

Gee, but that was just some way that I could show you.

Does it involve the head?

No.

I don't know if this is such a good idea, Lucky. Miss Harford -Grass? She's

mean old psychopath.

Ain't you touched somebody else?

Fuck, I have proof that she's the best for it.

What's he gonna say?

What'd you do that for?

Now, fuck.

Can't you put them sweet?

The sign says, piss off!

Hi, Mrs. Harper -Gross.

I'm very sorry to bother you. We were just in the neighborhood, and I wanted

make sure you were okay.

You damn punks. I'll show you how we are doing.

Mrs. Harper -Gross, please, give me two minutes. You dirty, stinking ass.

Is there something?

Are you real?

Okay.

Why don't we get ourselves a little drink and get comfortable?

This way.

Come on.

And you, get lost!

Holy cow!

Make yourself at home.

This is like home.

My grandmother's home.

You look like the Bloody Mary type.

I'll fix you some in a moment.

Take foot.

I've just put my teeth in.

Or should I take them out?

Wasn't life out there comfortable enough?

Certainly.

Do you

know

who lives here?

No. No, I didn't have a kingdom before.

I followed my girlfriend here. She's been acting weird lately.

Huh? I know there must be another guy.

If I find him, he's as good as dead.

Oh, well, that's too bad for him.

Got to go.

All right.

That'll be seven euro, please.

Where is Annie Woods today?

Oh, she's not feeling well.

Well, just go ahead and put your hand in there.

See you later.

Okay, see you.

No! How did it go with Mrs. Harpergrass yesterday?

Shh! I mean, you two didn't... What?

What?

What are you talking about, man?

Get intimate?

Have sex?

No, it was really weird. She just wanted to play Scrabble. Man, you are one

lucky son of a dog.

How does that make me lucky?

You got Leslie Luttrell after you. This is like a dream come true.

What if I grabbed you and at the same time I was touching her?

You think she would go for me?

I don't know.

Think of the possibilities, man. You could have any girl in the whole town.

the whole country. Heck.

And the whole, whole... I got it.

Gretchen Händler.

This is your chance, Lucky.

This is your chance to score the woman of your dreams.

Tonight, Gretchen goes to a Bible study, like every Wednesday.

Preacher John is going to be there. And you drop off this order of earthworms.

And once you're there, all you got to do is touch her.

Give it to the lucky Fritz.

Glad to see you in church, my son.

Yes, Father.

It's been a long time.

I know, too long.

Or are you just here to bring me my earthworms?

A bit of all of it, I suppose.

In any case, welcome.

It's okay, Lucky, I don't have cooties.

No, of course not.

impure thoughts about an inanimate object.

I can't believe I just said that. I've never told anyone.

There was a tree.

Wouldn't you be lucky?

That's what I've said.

Don't be lucky.

Don't let go.

Never let go.

They're so good.

Like bone wood.

I've heard stories about these sorts of things.

Where's Gretchen today?

I haven't seen her.

Anyway, let's start. I guess you're not familiar with what we do here on

Wednesdays. I think I'm getting a picture of it.

First thing we do is to greet everyone.

Shake hands.

Come on.

Duty. Shake hands.

Hi.

Pleasure to make your acquaintance.

In case you're wondering, a real beauty!

Would you like to see a picture?

Hi, honey,

did you meet me?

Oh, hello. We needed to talk.

We, too.

You're... different.

Your finger. Do you like my music? I never actually listen to the radio.

Mmm, you smell nice. What fragrance?

Earthworms?

More like burnt ravioli.

Ah.

What was that?

Damn paparazzi.

Even way out here you can't escape them.

Well, it was nice seeing you. Better get going now. But it's just not here.

I even brought a bottle of champagne to go with ravioli. I can't do this. I have

a girlfriend.

She's right there. She's in that picture right there.

I knew it.

Well, we'll see about that.

Sorry.

Dude, you've got to have to stop touching so many people.

Yeah, you're right about that.

What if, like, you went to the store, and you bought some peanuts, and you

touched the cashier? You think she would let you have them for free?

I don't know.

As a matter of fact, I did figure one thing out today.

Annie Ruth called right before I was leaving the cafe, and she told me that

was really sorry for the way that she came on to me.

You mean, no more cupcakes?

Not the point.

The point is, it seems that everybody I touched in the beginning is turning back

to normal. It's only the people that I've recently touched that are still

weird.

Sue, I wonder what would happen if you touched somebody while you were on the

water. And what if you were on the water and touching two hot babes at the same

time? And then, and then, one of them gets stung by an electric eel.

What do you think of this stuff?

I don't know.

Just thinking.

The only thing I'm thinking about is Gretchen. Yeah, well, you better hurry,

then. You don't know how long you're going to have this power.

Do this. You can do this. Ring the bell and do it, Matt. All right, we're going

to do it together.

I'll be right behind you, watching you. All right, I can do it. It's no big

deal. I mean, really, I can just walk right up and handle it. It's no problem.

I'm not going to do this at all. Don't do it. It's not possible.

I know. I'll just tell her I was out in the forest. I was chopping some wood,

and I got a splinter in my finger, and I need her to help me get the splinter

out. Ah, that's just stupid.

I'll tell her I was in the neighborhood, and I was just passing by, and I just

needed to get a hug.

So I'm just going to get a hug. That's it, right?

You conniving little bastard.

I know what it'll be.

I'll tell her that I've got to, uh, I think she looks beautiful, and I'm gonna

give her a high five.

That's cool.

Shut up and do it! I'm doing it already, okay? It's not a big deal.

It's easy, really.

Hey, Lucky.

What are you doing here?

Hi, Gretchen.

How are you?

So what have we got here?

I was in the neighborhood, stopping through by and passing, and I just

come up and give you a high five.

Well,

that's really nice of you.

I'm really glad that you're feeling okay after that lightning incident.

You know this.

Sure.

I hate to ask this, but since you're here, could you just do me a small

Sure. Why?

What? I have to go to the store. Could you possibly keep an eye on everybody

a few minutes?

I'll be right back. You don't have to do anything.

They are in the garden.

Sure. Whatever you want me to do.

So, come with me.

This is Lucky.

Hello. Hi. How are you? Good to see you. We'll take care of you when I'm up over

to the store. All right?

Right.

Come on, Luck.

Just reach out and do it.

Bye, guys.

See you in a bit, yeah?

Bye -bye.

Damn it. Young man.

Would you help me to get up?

Oh.

It's, um... It's got to be, uh... Right.

Of course.

That's what I'm here for.

Lovely.

He's so sweet.

It sure is nice having a handsome young man here for a change.

Oh, thank you.

I might be old and beautiful, but there are some things I still know how to do.

Say. I want to do something for you.

Lovely. I haven't done it in years, but all the guys used to tell me I was

the... Bet that.

I wouldn't do it for all those old fart feet. Oh, no, of course not.

Young man, I'm going to knit you a sweater.

Oh.

Guess who's here.

I give up.

There you go.

Bet that guy is good as a sack. A real pig. Oh, holy chicken.

Yes. And you know what they say about men with thick feet. Oh, that's not

the case.

I have small feet and look at me.

I always said it was the size of the man's nose rather than his feet.

Interesting. Hey, that's wonderful stuff.

I'll be here now.

Back, you what?

Hey, big boy.

Leslie Luttrell!

Yeah. And who are you, you pervert?

I'm nothing. I'm nobody.

I'm just a pervert in the bushes.

Oh, okay.

Well, that's for nothing then.

Come back!

Thank you. Thank you for having me out today.

Oh, of course. It was wonderful.

Great group of people. Gotta go.

It's Kelly Long from Backpage magazine.

Oh, hello. How are you? Hello. Since when are you and Leckie Luttrell an

Oh. Oh, no, no. It's nothing like that. We actually just met. I know you want to

keep it secret.

Oh, no, no. You see, we're barely even friends.

I mean, we barely even... Is what we love at first sight?

Oh, no, love.

It's nothing like that. Love is... Tell me, is Leckie as hot in real life as on

screen? Hot? I don't know if I'd say hot. I mean, she's a pretty girl and

everything. I bet she is.

We have a photo of you and her kissing.

Wow.

Looks intense.

Oh, my God. I mean, that's... It wasn't intense. It was awful, really. I know

you don't want to talk about it. When are you two getting married?

Married? Oh, my God.

Okay, never mind.

That's what I tell you.

I'll just make something up.

That's my Lucky.

Either he's in the movie or I quit.

Let it come out. It's absurd.

I can't put some local yokel in my film just because you dig him.

Sure you can.

Lucky!

Hi. Can you stop for just a minute? There's someone here I want you to meet.

All right.

Just a second. Can you get in for a minute?

I really can't. Get out.

Hi, Lucky.

Hello.

Oh, lovely.

Lucky, this is Cat Manson. He's the director of the film we're working on.

that's lovely for him.

This is Lucky.

Nice to meet you.

Yes, indeed.

Lizzie, I didn't see it at first.

Oh, you're right.

There's something special about this guy.

It's like a Brando and a Pacino and a Christian Slater all

rolled into one.

Lucky, what would you say if I told you there's a part in my movie that's

perfect for you?

Okay, it's a small part, but it's a pivotal one.

You've been playing a farmer's son.

Huh? Huh? What do you say?

Is a sheep involved?

We can get your sheep.

Steve!

No, I don't.

It's a small role, but the pay is great.

And between you and me, Adam Sandler wasn't my first choice for the part.

Anyway, you, sir, you are, like, so right for the role.

You're a natural.

Let me get this straight. You're telling me that you're going to pay me money to

be in your movie.

I'll see you tomorrow at the Sanford.

It was so nice meeting you. I'm really looking forward to working with you.

I think this is going to be the beginning of a beautiful, beautiful

relationship.

See you tomorrow.

Leslie, come on. I love you.

Unfortunately, I have to go, Lucky. Don't bother our star, babe. Nothing

Why don't I just put you right back in the car? Come on.

Don't bother him. Bye -bye. Bye -bye.

Bye -bye.

Reaching weirdos.

He's great.

He's great.

Our Lucky?

With that Hollywood bluesy?

Oh, God, great.

Well, well, well.

Who would have thought of that?

You mean, the last in the town, Lucky?

Yes, I'm joking.

That's what it said.

She kissed you?

Yeah. On the lips? Yeah. You are my hero.

I don't know.

It was just kind of weird. I mean...

Trying to kiss somebody you're not even in love with.

So? Leslie Luttrell, man.

I'd give my left testicle for her.

No, that's you, man, but, you know, I don't know. She's just, she's not my

Leslie Luttrell is everybody's type. All I care about is Gretchen, okay? I just

want to figure out a way to get to her.

Gretchen always sits at the same table in the cafe, right?

Yeah. Well, then, all you got to do is walk over to her table and touch her

behind. It's a cinch, Lucky.

You got her this time.

That could work.

How long do we have to do this for?

I don't know.

I've been told it makes them horny. Yeah.

See? Now that's real love.

Why is that so hard to find?

Yeah. With all the guys around here, sometimes I forget that love is more

just a fishing boat or a six -pack of beer.

Whatever happened to romance?

Well, good question.

I gotta go, Gretchen.

Yeah, me too.

Just where do you think you're going, huh?

Well, I was... I really need to get by you because... Sit down!

Yeah, but this is my chance to... Sit down!

Yes? What could it be like to last and possibly see you, huh?

You're nothing but pencil -like geek. Thank you so much for saying so. Gotta

going now.

You're not going anywhere until I have a cup or two.

And then you and I are going to be at the cafe and settle this like men.

Capisce?

Listen.

Leslie and I have got nothing going on at all. As a matter of fact, we barely

ever talked.

You don't talk to her. You don't even look at her. She's mine.

At least she was mine.

We're going through a little rough patch right now, but, um... You just stay

away from her, okay?

What are we waiting for anyway?

Let's go outside.

I think you've had quite enough coffee.

Right.

So anytime you're ready, pal.

Okay, I'm actually ready. I just think that maybe we should shake hands first.

I mean, it's just a sign of respect and all that before we, you know... Yeah,

whatever. It's your funeral.

I'm just glad Leslie hooked up with someone like you.

Yeah. You're a groovy guy, Lucky.

Right. I'm definitely digging your vibe. Oh, thanks.

And, uh, she and I, it wasn't going to work out anyway.

Of course not.

We didn't have much in common.

She absolutely hates the roller derby. Oh.

That never did sit well with me.

Yeah. Hey, um, could hang out, shoot some pool, have some beer, start some

fight.

I don't know. I mean, I'm more of like a peace and love sort of guy. Oh.

Too true. Too true. Yeah.

Ever driven a Mercedes?

Uh, no.

Because any time you want to borrow mine, it's yours.

Oh. Blend it. That's what Amigos are for, right?

Right.

Man, you smell good.

Like, uh, Frank Killamari.

Thanks.

Um, um, you guys got, uh, flying monkeys around here?

Um, no, not that I'm aware of. Good.

I don't like flying monkeys.

I can see why.

Wake up, man.

What are you doing up here?

Why aren't you at work?

I was.

So was Gretchen.

Just when I was right about to touch her, Brad shows up. Dang, Lars.

He sure is a bad mofo. Stupid power, man.

And I don't even know anymore if it's a power or if it's a curse.

Things will be ruined in my life.

The only reason that it's worth anything is to touch Gretchen.

I can't even seem to do that.

And how hard should it be to touch someone, really?

Well, tomorrow's Sunday.

Do you know where I saw Gretchen last Sunday?

Gretchen?

What brings you out here?

Um, well, I just, sometimes I, I like to come out here and, uh, why, business,

really, uh, with lakes and worms and stuff like that.

Oh, right.

Oh, look at that. Yeah, what a cute dog.

Yeah, he's very cute, yeah. Yeah. I didn't even know you had a dog. It's my

uncle's dog. I'm dog -sitting for the weekend.

Go ahead. You can touch him.

Yeah? Sure.

You like me. He does like me.

Great. Down there next to you.

Oh, look at that. Back again.

Wow. Really like you.

Don't worry.

Don't worry.

Wow.

He loves you.

Yeah, good.

Bye. Bye.

Bye. Come on.

Come on.

I couldn't do it, man.

If you could just have seen her.

You know, everything about her, just so beautiful.

And then I thought to myself, I can't do this to her.

It's not right.

I mean, all these other women that touch me, they get this crazy look in their

eyes. It's not natural.

I would rather die a sad and lonely man than trick myself into her heart.

So you want Gretchen to like you, but you don't want to use this power?

I want it to be real. If there was ever a chance that a girl like Gretchen could

like me, I would want it to come from her heart.

And I know that's probably never going to happen.

Look at me.

I'm a nobody.

That's not true.

We have a bright future.

Think of our bait business.

You're not a nobody.

Plus... You have this power.

Use it.

Didn't this rat guy offer you his Merc?

What? His Mercedes?

And didn't this director guy offer you a part in a movie and lots of money?

Plus, you have Leslie Luttrell hanging all over you.

Think about the possibilities, man.

Money, a part in a movie, maybe some new clothes, riding around in a Merc.

Heck, you could get rid of your old bike.

You could add on to the houseboat. You could get a telephone, a baffle iron.

A waffle iron? Yeah, man.

Chicks dig that stuff, man. With that power you have, you have the chance to

beat somebody.

You could be talk of the town.

Fred?

Mega. Yeah, right.

So you're the next big thing?

Just sleep with the gift card.

Leslie? No, no.

Lizzie and I are just friends, actually.

Ted.

Ted?

He's a guy.

Either way, you must be great in the sack because it certainly ain't looks

got you the part.

Sit down. Right now.

Sit down.

Sit, sit.

Sit over with.

Okay.

Once again, Lucy saves the day.

What do you style your hair with? Spit?

No, I actually go for more of a natural thing.

Wow. I get what Leslie sees in you.

Gorgeous.

You don't need me to make you more handsome at all.

Don't you think I could use a bit of makeup? No, you're perfect.

You're so beautiful.

You make me want to cry.

What do you say, me and you, after work, get some drinks?

I'll introduce you to my little friend.

Oh, they don't look little at all, do they?

Well, I really have to... Lucky, we're ready for you.

Like you.

Okay, remember, this is your ticket to Hollywood, okay?

Here's your hat.

Oh, look, we got your sheep.

Here's your gun. Hold that.

Okay, you know your lines, right?

Okay,

good. So just relax and do your thing.

Yo, let's shoot this.

Shoot who?

I'll suit it.

Silence, please.

Gary Windmill 2, scene 79, shot 3, take 1.

And... Action.

Oh, hi, Leslie. How are you?

Good to see you.

Now. Oh, God, stop.

Okay.

Ma... Ma... So...

To stay all my life.

Yeah.

And, and, and, uh, and if you don't,

sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, drop me gone.

It's all right. It's okay. Okay. Uh, keep going.

Yeah. All right. So, and my mom told

you.

to stay off my land.

And if you don't, then I'm gonna shoot you

with my broom.

Lucky, it's a gun, not a broom. A gun. No, of course it is. Yeah, what'd I say?

Broom. Oh, I said broom, right, because you know I was practicing with the broom

at me house, but it's a gun now.

It's a gun. Sure is.

Okay, just keep going. Is that all right? Okay.

And if you doesn't...

He's amazing, isn't he?

And if you don't, I'm going to send you

back to where...

Where? Where does she come from anyway?

And cut.

Brilliant. That was so cute. Lucky.

That's great.

Oh, it's wonderful. You're a natural.

Naturally sexy.

Oh, yeah.

Isn't it great? Isn't it great? The funny thing is I thought it was awful.

no.

You're really going places in this business, kid. Isn't it great?

That's scary.

Hey, you little prick!

Hi.

Thought I'd warn you about staying away from Leslie.

I don't know why I let you off so easy last time, but this time, we're gonna

settle things.

We... Come on, you and I, we're gonna be on the trailer.

Come on!

Move it!

Let's get this over with, huh?

All right.

Gentlemen, then.

Like gentlemen, we should shake hands first.

I hope you and Leslie are happy together.

I really do.

Oh, no, we're not, really.

Um, get a piece of my Mercedes.

Keep it for a few days.

Have some fun. Burn some rubber.

I really, I can't accept that.

I won't take no for an answer. You take it, and you enjoy it.

And hate.

That's the money, you know. Go out and live it up a little. You deserve it,

Are you sure about this? I wouldn't want you to, you know, you're not going to

change your mind.

Forget about it.

Uh -oh, that's not good.

I guess I was going a bit fast, wasn't I? I was just kind of a fast car.

Got away from me.

Just, whew, right there.

A bit scary it was, but glad you stopped me.

Anything could have happened.

Just take things a little slower next time, okay?

Right.

Thank you.

Hello.

Lucky, is that your car? Oh, no, no, no.

I could never afford anything like this.

Actually, it's a friend of mine's. Let me borrow it. But I am thinking about

getting rid of me bike.

I might even get a waffle.

Lucky, I heard a strange rumor today.

About you and Leslie Luttrell?

Yeah. You two aren't a couple, are you?

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Nothing like that at all, no. As a matter of fact,

just really good friends.

Acquaintances, more than anything.

We met at the cafe, and actually she asked me to have a part in a movie.

Oddly enough.

You mean the movie they are shooting in town right now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was

actually just on the set. I just left. I actually thought I was a really good

actor. Imagine that.

And... They pay me loads of money. It's crazy, really.

Wow. Things are certainly going well for you. They are, yeah. Congratulations.

Thanks.

I didn't know that you and Officer Kruger are such good friends.

I didn't either, actually. We just met and had a connection. It always happens.

Connection. Yeah.

Buds, kind of homies, bros, kind of thing. All right. You got it. Anyway,

listen, I just stopped by because I felt bad.

I know that you had a fundraiser here about a month ago, and I wasn't really

able at the time to contribute anything, but I am now, and it was very important

for me to come by and give you this.

I hope you accept it.

It's 500 euro.

You take it. Lucky you don't have to do that.

Oh, no, no, but I do.

It's very important to me.

Please. Please take it.

It's really nice of you.

Thanks. I'm sure the residents will appreciate it.

Great. Lovely.

I think I gotta go now.

You two, take care.

A totally new wardrobe for you. Terrific. I'm so excited.

I don't need any new clothes.

Yes, you do, baby. You are a serious actor now. And people expect you to look

hot. I thought I looked fine as I am.

Don't worry. We're going to get you looking extra specific.

Oh, no.

Hello,

Mr. Sexy.

Hello there.

What about me? Do you not find me attractive?

Well, of course I do.

I mean, you're pretty.

Then why don't you want to be with me? I want you, Lucky. I need you. We could

be so good together.

But you already have a boyfriend.

What about Brad?

He's a good guy.

Deep down.

That girl, Gretchen.

I don't think she's really your girlfriend, is she?

No.

No, not really.

You're not gay, are you?

No.

Hello,

kid.

Hi, Gretchen.

Wow.

Your look.

Different? Really?

I mean, of course I do.

Thanks.

I think I gotta go.

Well, good to see you too.

Ciao.

Lucky, where do you think you're going?

Hello, Annie Ruth.

You were supposed to be here this morning to open up the cafe.

You know, I was caught up on me movie set.

Not ever.

You've always done a good job of running the shop for me.

But you have been neglecting your duties lately.

Come in late for work, you leave in the middle of the day, you don't clean up.

It's tough when you're... Full of shit.

And a cafe is not a disco.

Those new clothes will scare off the customers.

Lucky, you are... Fired?

Yeah. You've been working in that cafe forever.

It's ridiculous, isn't it? I'm in the nerve of them. How dare them find me.

Really.

I mean, the thing is, it's probably for the best.

I don't know if Gretchen would really want to be going out with somebody who

washes dirty dishes for a living. But what are you going to do for money?

I'm working in a movie now. They pay me lots of money.

Yeah, maybe you're right. I think it's time, Luck. I think it's time for you to

ask Gretchen out.

I really think so.

What if she rejected me?

Dude, I don't think I could deal with that kind of a letdown.

Dude, you need to have some confidence.

That's the most important thing with chicks.

You're not going to get her by all being shy and scared.

You have to be loud and brave.

You have to roar like a lion.

You have a new look. You're in the movie business.

All you need is the attitude.

I've got it.

I've got plenty of attitude.

Think about it. Every other chick in town is following me around. Why not

Gretchen?

Still, what if it doesn't work?

Could you maybe do me a favor? What if you went and talked to her for me?

If you could find out what she's really thinking. Just kind of mention my name

about her and see what happens.

I

was

just wondering if you needed any grass cut.

Oh, actually, no, but thanks for asking.

What about all this stuff going on with Lucky?

Sure is wild, isn't it?

Yeah.

I saw him earlier today.

He looked really... strange.

Yeah, well.

Sure is cool about him being in the movie, huh?

Looks like he's made the big time.

I still can't get over that thing. I heard about him and Lester the Trout.

Those tablets will print anything.

I bet the writer didn't even know that Lucky is gay.

Gay?

But Lucky isn't gay.

Are you sure?

Uh -huh.

He's never had a girlfriend.

He doesn't even look at girls.

You and him have always been together, then.

Why, I just assumed that you and he were... Gay?

Yeah. She thought that we were more than lovers.

No. Yeah, she thought that the two of us are homosexual.

Right.

Did you tell her we wasn't?

Yeah, sure.

But I don't think she believed me. Well, that's just fantastic.

Comfortable attitude.

And you roll like a lion.

Didn't Lucky tell us to meet him here at seven?

Yeah, where's my old pal Lucky?

And not gay.

Confident, attitude, raw like a lion, and definitely not gay.

There he is. There's my man.

Hello, my Hollywood friends.

Hello,

beautiful.

Hello, love.

Lucky, are we going to party tonight or what?

We are going...

Good to see everyone.

Waitress, could we get a round of drinks with, well, whatever it is my pals are

drinking over here.

My name is not A Waitress Lucky. It's M. Ruth.

Eh, whatever.

So, Ted, tell me.

How's our little movie coming along?

It is going so great.

Much better than I ever dreamed.

And you know why? Why?

Because of you. No, it's you, babe.

No, it's you. No, it's because of you. No, you, babe. It's you.

Okay, let me. But it must be you. It must be you.

Mr. Trout, may I have your autograph?

Thank you.

Wait, not so fast.

Don't you want my autograph? Because I'm the real star here.

Why would I want your autograph, Lucky?

You're nobody.

Shut your stupid mouth, you little brat.

Hey, little brat, run off now.

Scram.

I think there's somebody.

Somebody really special.

I feel pretty special.

Oh, yeah, right here.

I'm glad to see that everyone is enjoying themselves.

But this is a cafe, not a massage parlor. People are trying to eat.

So if you don't mind.

Sorry. We're just so crazy about Lucky. He's so talented.

And I'm so crazy about the ladies.

I love women!

And I'm so not gay!

Man,

what do you think? You and I get crazy tonight.

Let's go out and break some stuff. Let's go kick some butt and take names!

Yeah! Let's kick butt and take names!

Hey,

Gretchen.

Hey, how you doing? It's me.

Yeah, I just wanted to give you a call on my new cell phone.

Yeah, and, uh... Oh, no, not only that. I also just got a new flat -screen TV.

Oh, no, wait. If you could just give me a minute.

No, I'm sorry.

Okay.

Right, bye.

They don't look like they're doing too well, that lot.

Yeah, shit.

How's the movie going?

It's going all right.

It's just gotten a little bit weird.

Leslie and Brad have had to fly back to California for some emergency meeting

with the head of the studio.

He's upset about something or something like that. I don't know.

But if Leslie doesn't touch you for a while, that means... Power's going to

off. Until I touch her again.

Having to keep up with whom you touch and when you touch them, it's confusing.

Yeah. But let's take great it really did start to like you.

You would have to touch her eventually, wouldn't you?

I've been thinking a lot about that lately.

And I'm hoping the power may wear off soon. Maybe you should wear thick gloves

or something.

And maybe there's a possibility that she might just start to like me for who I

am. I mean, just imagine.

A real girl falling in love with a real boy.

And a real boy who loves a real girl and no hocus -pocus magic going on.

That was a good one.

Right.

Give me the keys, now!

Hi, Brad.

I'm not going to be out of my freaking mind to give you my car.

I'd give you the beating you deserve.

But I'm in a hurry.

Do you want to shake hands, Elise?

No!

And if you ever come around Leslie the Trail again... What's that?

Shake hands!

I told you to stay off my life.

Oh, Leslie.

Hello, lovely. Good to see you. Welcome back.

The bird thinks so, too. I know you dig me and everything, but I'm a bit busy

right now. I'm working on me part for tomorrow, but check this out. It's

You're going to love it. It's much better now.

She just came to set things straight.

I'm not gay. I'm terribly embarrassed by the way I've behaved.

I'm not sure what happened.

Whatever. I definitely wasn't thinking straight.

I mean...

You and I, we have nothing in common.

Anyway, let's just pretend all of this never happened, okay?

Well, I'll see you on set tomorrow.

Oh, one thing.

I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but another actor is going to play your part

in Gary Windmill 2.

But... Goodbye.

Leslie, wait!

Leslie, wait a minute.

Well, goodbye, then.

Oh.

Where are all your fancy clothes?

Where are all your Hollywood friends?

Well... What's gotten into you lately, Lucky?

You made a complete ass out of yourself in here the other night. That's the

first time I've ever seen you act disrespectful to anyone before.

I just wanted Gretchen to notice me. Did you really think that Gretchen would

fall for that crap?

I've got news for you, mister.

It didn't work.

Well, how did your date with Martha go?

It was great.

I never realized before what a fine lady she was.

You know, she has this grandson, Peter. I saw his picture, and he seems like a

nice lad.

Well, Martha and I were talking, and we thought we'd fix you two up together.

On a date?

Well, I haven't had a real date in ages.

I think I'm all out of practice. Oh, come on, Gretchen. You're always there

us old folks.

But you're young and beautiful, and you need to get out more.

Besides, you can't afford to be too choosy. Good man is hard to find in

parts. Present company accepted, of course.

Yeah, you're probably right.

Okay, then.

I'll tell Martha and we'll set up the blind date for Friday night.

The blind date?

Yeah. Wow.

I never had one before.

Well, why not?

Good.

Crazy.

So? What's so urgent?

Look at that mess.

They're all dead.

I told you not to stomp on them.

And we were just about to make it big.

Luther placed a huge order.

It's just as well.

I've just come to say goodbye.

Goodbye?

Where are you going?

Somewhere where there's no people.

Somewhere where there's nobody I can touch.

Where nobody can touch me.

I think I'm just going to wander off into the woods and become a woodsman.

Or a hermit.

Something like that.

What? You're talking crazy, Lucky. Think about it.

I've ruined everything that was good in my life.

I've lost my job, my business.

I might as well just disappear.

Dang, Lucky.

How long are you going to be gone?

I don't know.

A long time.

Maybe.

Forever. Here.

You can have this.

Wow, dude!

That's awesome! Thanks!

Don't.

Yeah.

Better not.

Well, then.

Have a good life.

Yeah, bye.

So when are you going to ask her out?

Jude, you have to have some confidence.

That's the most important thing with chicks.

Come on, love. Have a little faith.

Faith.

God.

Dear God.

Seems I was given an opportunity and I just... I just screwed everything up.

I'm sorry.

If you could just give me one more chance, I could make it right.

That's it.

That's it.

Wait! Hold on!

Wait!

Wait, I heard you!

This is my chance!

Wait! Where are you?

Wait! Where are you? This is my chance!

Get me rid of this chance and strike me down!

I'm ready, God!

Take me!

Okay, I'm ready now, God, I'm gonna take it all and strike me!

Enlightening, give it to me, strike me down!

Bollocks!

Why?

Why do you hate me so much, God? I'm just asking.

I got it.

I'm going to end this right now.

One way or another.

All right, that's how it is.

Okay, guys.

You want a good laugh?

Okay. You're laughing at me now. You're getting your kicks.

I tried to talk to you about it the right way.

I tried to be mature and have a conversation.

I'll just electrocute myself.

All right, then. I'm in it.

This is it.

Are you ready?

I am.

Thank you.

Lucky? What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

I used to live here.

I'll call you back.

It used to be my house.

I thought you were going to be gone forever. But you've only been gone for a

day.

Dude, what's up with your hair?

That's soup.

Yeah?

I hope you don't mind.

I was just getting kind of hungry while watching TV.

I hope you understand me hanging out here for a while.

I miss you so much.

And I was just kind of watching the plays while you were gone.

Plus, your TV's better than mine.

All right.

All right.

Look at that.

I can't believe it.

My skin's not paining anymore.

But the metal is still sticking to my skin.

I can't believe this. The curse is gone.

What happened?

It's a long story.

The bottom line is the curse is gone. My skin's back to normal.

So, does it mean... Yes.

Yes, let's go try it out. Come on.

First, take off those silly clothes.

You look gay.

Oh.

Come on.

Pinball! Oh, we just want to say hello. How are you?

Right. My damn shotgun!

Off then.

No, you two pants fall off, Ned!

Pants fall off!

No!

Mackey! You power it!

Oh, Jesus!

I don't know whether to be happy for you or sad.

I mean, what does it feel like?

How do you feel? Oh, I don't know. I mean, I guess I feel, um...

It's normal.

Hey, give me a high five. Come on, just like in the old days.

Okay.

Damn.

Luckily, I never realized until now what beautiful eyes you have.

Oh, no.

Dude, I had you going. Don't you worry. You're not my type.

I'm so glad you're back.

What did you do all alone?

I did a lot of thinking.

About what?

I thought about the things that I shouldn't have done.

And I also thought about the things that I should have done.

I realized there's certain opportunities that you get in life.

And when you see what it is that you really want, you have to go

get it.

I'll be back.

Hey, where are you going? To get the thing I've always wanted.

Cool. He's finally going to get a waffle iron. I love waffles.

Wonderful. That's it.

That's it.

I just want to let you know that I feel bad.

I've been acting a bit strange lately.

I've just had a weird run of things, and I've been acting a bit stupid.

I just wanted to say, well, as it were, I'm back to normal now.

And I have this TV.

It's beautiful, and it's like one of those flat -screen LCD beautiful

And, um, anyway, I bought it, and I'm not gonna use it.

So I was thinking maybe I could just donate it to the home.

Actually, we just got an interview.

Oh. Gotta go.

No, no, no, you can't let this happen. Come on, Lucky, get it.

Gretchen! Gretchen, wait.

Um... I just really need just two more minutes of your time, if you could.

It's really important to me.

Sure.

Great.

Lovely.

What I've been meaning to say, what I've been trying to tell you, I don't really

know the proper way to go about this, so I guess I'll just come out with it.

Gretchen, I think you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my

When I look into your eyes, it's like looking into the rays of sunshine. When

smell your fragrance, it's like being out in the middle of a field of...

poppies and beautiful wildflowers and roses and sometimes when I hear your

it's like wild angels are calling to me and when I'm around you I get the most

magical feeling I've ever had in my life and sometimes I just can't help but

dream about you and not only do I dream about you but I dream about dreaming

about you and sometimes when I don't dream about you I wake up and wish that

had and if I had had a dream about you I'd be dreaming about the fact that

you're in my arms and you're laying there right next to me and it happens to

all the time because I can't stop thinking about you and it's a problem

not a problem because I enjoy it and I'm not gay. See ya.

Lucky.

Yeah? Come back.

Is there any chance he could stay with us no more?

Right.

Uh... Gretchen, I think you are the most beautiful girl I... I wasn't kidding.

So, are you saying, Lucky Fritz, that you like me?

Yes.

Of course I like you.

I like you a lot.

And you look me in the eye when you say that?

Yeah.

Come on, I won't bite.

Gretchen.

I like you.

I like you a lot.

Hey, Lach.

Hey, Luther.

Boy, it sure is good to see you working here again.

Yeah, I'm just glad that Annie Ruth gave me my job back.

So, how many ones for you today?

A couple dozen ought to do me. All right, then.

Be right back.

Come on, man.

I just cleaned.

Sorry.

How you doing? Fine. You? Good, good. Did Luther pick up his order yet? Yeah,

did, actually.

Here you go.

Three euro, fifty cents.

Did she talk to Gretchen since yesterday?

No. Man, I can't believe she didn't even say anything.

You poured your heart out like that and nothing but interesting?

Yeah. Well, the way I see it, she probably did me a favor.

I mean, look at it this way.

She could have said anything, right? She could have said I was ugly or I smelled

bad. It's kind of like she still rejected me, but at least she rejected

nicely, you know? And besides, the most important thing is I said what I had to

say. I feel like I've got this weight lifted off my shoulders, you know? Yeah.

So, you want to go fishing tomorrow?

Try out some new goods?

That's a really nice one.

Yeah, and it's still moving.

What a lovely place.

Oh, thanks.

Housekeeper didn't make it this week.

Lucky, I was thinking about what you said the other day when you said that

liked me.

Yeah, sorry about that, but I probably... I mean, I shouldn't have...

is, I spoke with Annie Ruth.

She told me that all of that stuff, the car, the clothes, the movie,

You were just doing this to impress me.

But I've always known that's not you.

The truth of the matter is, I never thought a girl like you would want to go

with a girl like me.

I live in a houseboat.

I wash dishes for a living.

So have ones.

I just think that you deserve so much more.

I don't care about all that.

Those are just...

Things.

I truly like you.

Lucky.

But then I thought that you and J .D. were... Gay?

Yeah. I mean, we're not.

I mean, he might be, but I'm definitely not.

I'm joking.

I mean, he's not.

Never mind.

So, are you gonna ask me out?

Yeah, of course. Are we crazy?

This is it.

Come on, Matt.

You can do this.

Be a man for once, Lucky. A big, strong man.

A big, strong man.

What?

Oh, sorry.

Would you like

to go out with me sometime?

I wouldn't have to do that.

I'd find you here.

Brad. I think we have a little score to settle.

Oh, well, I, um... Leslie.

Wow, congratulations.

We decided to spend our honeymoon in Germany.

We had to stop by and thank you. Really?

Why is that?

Hold on. You realized what a big impact you had on us.

What was that? You made us fall in love forever.

Damn birds.

Your kindness, your sincerity.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, you really grew up some strong vibes, man.

It's so good to see you again, Lucky. Good to see you too, Leslie.

You better watch it, friends. I'd hate to beat you up.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Can I say yeah, yeah, yeah?