All language subtitles for LA Law s04e04 The Mouse That Soared

Previously on L .A. Law.

You're now asking that all these people
believe that you went to Nina's

apartment on the day she was killed. You
had sexual intercourse. She told you

she had someone else. You kissed her
goodbye and you left.

Then a short time later, some unknown,
unseen person showed up and beat her to

death. That's exactly what happened.

Because you're incapable of murder? Yes.

Incapable of brute force?

Yes. I'm not a brute.

I am a professor of Russian literature.

That doesn't mean you're not a savage
killer.

I am not a savage.

I'm not a wild beast. No matter what you
would like these people to believe, no

matter how you see me, I am a human
being and I did not kill anyone.

Who is that?

That's Hamilton Schuyler.

He's a gifted trial lawyer.

They call him Mighty Mouse.

Victor, you're going up against Mighty
Mouse.

In the matter of the people versus Earl
Williams, criminal complaint number

7341, we, the jury, find the defendant,
Earl Williams, guilty of

murder in the first degree.

We further find special circumstances to
exist, namely that the murder involved

the infliction of extreme physical pain.

I appreciate you coming down here on
such short notice. I got it.

And I figure if you're going to jump in
and represent us, you might as well see

it for yourself.

Do you look at this place?

You haven't seen anything yet.

How good. They've just started.

This way, gentlemen.

This is what we want to stop.

Who's next?

Come on, let's hear it.

All right, we got to take them. We got
to take them.

Let's help them out here.

We got the best athletes in the world
right here. You see that little guy hop

right up? Come on, folks. Let's help him
out.

One, two, three.

You got to help him shut this down.

Mr. Stevens, we couldn't possibly be
prepared to start a trial tomorrow.

Let's go back here.

These guys are...

I brought in this hired gun dwarf lawyer
at the last minute.

Mr. Suventes is the only lawyer in town
who knows him. Hamilton Schuyler?

I flew him up from Texas. They call him
Mighty Mouse.

He's defending this place?

I guess figure it's a pretty good
strategy to have a dwarf on their side.

We're told you went up against him and
beat him.

Yeah, well, we actually settled it.

Look, we know how good he is. It's very
simple. It's a straight, nuisance

action. We're claiming he's disrupting
the quiet enjoyment of our property. But

this is all so last minute, Mr. Steele.
We'll pay you any retainer you require.

Money is not a problem. What's that?

Oh, you gotta look at this. This is the
latest gimmick.

You're not gonna believe this.

What the

hell is that?

I was a spirit.

People versus Earl William.

Michael, I understand an appeal's been
filed.

That's right.

On what ground, Michael?

Reliability of DNA testing.

Unfair surprise by the district
attorney.

Abuse of discretion for not calling a
mistrial. You name it, this one begs to

overturned. Well, since Mr. Williams'
outstanding bill now exceeds $130 ,000,

might I suggest that we postpone our
appeal efforts until some of it has been

collected? You may not.

We're throwing money away. The cost of
an appeal... Move on, Douglas.

Douglas. Why don't you move on?

Fine.

Stevens et al. versus Riley's Pub.

Mine.

Mighty mouth flies again.

So this is really true. A bunch of
drunks flipping munchkins.

Oh, yeah, it's big business. It started
in Australia, then it spread to England,

and now it's in Florida and California.

And they expect to have it in over a
thousand bars nationwide.

This is sick.

What's next?

Crosswalk races for the blind?

Have you spoken to Mighty Mouse this
morning? He won't settle. What's new? So

start the trials today. By the way,
guys, since I'm taking this on, I really

would appreciate it if somebody would
take on this bad date trial. Forget it,

Victor. Oh, no, you don't. I'm doing
back -to -back trials here. Come on,

show a little support.

You've been trying to unload that dog
for a month.

Mike, what do you say?

Don't look at me.

I'll do it.

I'm serious.

I'd love to do it.

You're not a litigator, Stuart.

Yeah, well, I don't want to spend my
whole life as a lawyer without doing at

least one trial, and this is a pretty
simple case, right?

It's a crazy woman suing a dating
service over bad dates. Even I could

that. I mean, what could I possibly
screw up? I think the client would be

likely to expect one of our regular
litigators on this. With all due

Leland, your regular litigator is
scoffing at it. I think the client would

to see the case in the hands of a lawyer
who took it seriously.

Please.

Excuse me, Leland.

I think he can do it.

Me too.

You okay, Stuart?

Hey, I got myself a trial. Hi,
Elizabeth.

I'm going to have to borrow a secretary
of mine who doesn't know anything about

litigation.

Excuse me, Michael.

There's a guy here who needs to see you.
He says he's got information on the

Nina Corey murder. And he says it's real
important.

All right, so what is this information?

My cousin lives in Nina Corey's
building.

Who's your cousin?

Howie Newman.

I already talked to him. He was away on
vacation at the time of the killing.

Yeah, I know he was away on vacation,
sport. I was staying in his apartment.

And?

And I was there when the chick got it.

I'm listening.

I saw who did it.

Right after the screaming stopped, I
looked out the window and I saw this

dude running out of the building.

How do you know it wasn't Earl Williams?

Because I know the dude, that's how.

He's a whacked -out pipehead named
Pinno.

They call him that on account he's got
these white patches all over his skin.

Well, why the hell didn't you come
forward with this before?

Because I sell rock cocaine for a
living, that's why.

I sell it, I smoke it.

Man, I don't want anything to do with
cops.

Not cops, not district attorneys, not
nothing. So what are you doing here now?

I got busted again.

This time I want a lawyer like you. I
figure maybe the two of us can work

something out.

You're lying.

I ain't lying, man.

I saw what I saw, and I can clear your
guy.

You just got to help me out.

I'm not making any deals with you until
I'm satisfied you're telling me the

truth.

How are you going to get satisfied?

Lie detector test.

I'll set it up.

You pass it. And I mean...

Pass it with flying colors.

You got yourself a lawyer.

All right.

I'm going to pass it, Mr. Cusack.

Because I saw what I saw.

What do you mean I'm traded?

It's just temporary, Rox.

My case load is light. And Stuart needs
a secretary with some litigation

experience. So you put me on waivers.

What'd you get for me, Arnie? Don't take
it personally.

I'd never give you up. You know, that's
a couple of weeks at most.

I don't want to work for him.

I thought you liked Stuart. I do.

He says that sometimes he can be kind of
a nudge.

A nudge?

Yeah, he's so particular.

Everything's got to be just so.

I'm afraid he's going to drive me nuts.

Don't be silly. He's going to be a lot
easier on you than I am.

Hi.

Roxanne.

I'm thrilled you're going to be helping
me out on this. You have no idea what a

secure feeling it gives me.

Thank you.

So, uh, when you have a minute, I'd like
you to go through all the pleadings,

and I want to color -code them with
these index tabs so I can, you know,

distinguish them easily during the
trial.

Uh, we'll use, uh, blue for pre -trial
proceedings, except for discovered,

we'll use yellow.

And then for legal memorandum, orange,
and for rulings on motions and limine,

green. Except for adverse rulings, we'll
use half green, half red. Cut them in

half and scotch tape together. I'll show
you how to do it.

And then we'll, uh, Sit down and
alphabetize our witnesses.

I've got this idea how to use graphics
in our exhibits. I'll show you.

Great. Thanks again, Ernie.

Black, right? Right.

Same as always.

So tell me, what's going on?

Well, about two months ago, Amy found
out she was pregnant.

My God, how old is she now?

She's 17.

17?

Just yesterday she was 10.

Well, it has been a while.

Anyway, she thought about it, we talked
about it, we talked about it some more,

and she decided she was going to have an
abortion.

So the morning we went down, there was a
Save the Babies demonstration at the

clinic, and they're holding up
photographs, and they're yelling, Don't

baby! Don't kill your baby!

Oh, boy.

I could feel Amy starting to shake.

Then when we got inside, she just broke
down and sobbed.

When we left, they're still outside.
Only this time they were worse. They're

screaming right in her face.

Murderer, murderer, baby killer,
butcher.

Oh, Connie.

Since that day, I just sit and hold her
every night.

She sees those bastards screaming at her
every time she shuts her eyes.

Is there anything I can do?

I want to sue them.

Sue them?

Emotional distress.

Mental anguish.

Anything you can think of.

I'm not in this for the money, Ann.

I just want to take them on.

You haven't changed a bit.

I don't know.

Maybe this is the wrong time to be
asking you this.

Will you represent me?

Yes.

Yes, I will.

Okay, we're ready for our opening
statements. Mr.

Sifuente. Your Honor, I'd like a
sidebar.

Objection. You're objecting to his
request for a sidebar? Yes, Your Honor.

It is Mr. Schuyler's practice to call
these sidebars so that he can approach

bench and stand tiptoe on his trial bag
in order to evoke laughter and sympathy

from the jury. He then seeks to shame
the jury for their laughter and

their sympathies to his advantage.

That's why I object.

What I object to is his blatant
assumption that I'm an object of

I didn't say that. That's exactly what's
at stake here, the attitude that small

people are to be pitied. Mr. Schuyler.

You need not feel sorry for me, ladies
and gentlemen. You need not feel sorry

for any dwarf that chooses to be taught.
Here he goes, making speeches already.

And here you go, attacking me already.
All right, both of you, stop right now.

I'm sorry, Your Honor. Could we please
note his abuse for the record?

No, I will not.

Both of you in my chambers now.

What the hell is this?

He has a tendency of making himself an
issue, Your Honor, and I have to

neutralize that.

Again, I am under attack, first in
court, now in chambers.

This man is a dwarf bigot, Judge.

Look, hey, now I know you two have a
history together, but I'll expect you to

conduct yourselves responsibly and
professionally while you're in my

without the antics.

Are we clear?

Yes, sir.

Yes, your honor.

Good.

Let's go.

Some people never change.

It was a mistake to object to the
sidebar, Victor, picking on a person as

as me.

You know, when you exploit your side
like that, you're no better than those

dwarves getting tossed in the bar.
Except in the courtroom, I get to do the

tossing. I am going to beat you this
time.

Loser buys dinner.

That's a bet.

You're dead meat.

Dream on, tall boy.

Were you present at 2358 Linbrook in the
city of Los Angeles on November 8th,

1988?

Yes. Did you observe an individual known
to you as Pinto run out of the Linbrook

apartment house on November 8th?

Yes.

Is your name Philip Michael Holden?

Yes. Is your mother's name Francine?

Yes. Had you heard a young woman
screaming immediately prior to seeing

individual flee the scene?

Yes. Were you born in Fresno,
California?

Yes.

Is your father's name Carl?

No. Are you under the influence of any
narcotic substance?

No. Have you ever lied to your attorney?

Yes.

Thank you, Mr. Holden. We're finished.

Do you mind waiting outside?

Not at all.

What do we got?

I'd say you got a guy who's telling the
truth.

And they have these contests so you can
throw them the farthest. It's terrible.

I own a respectable restaurant. I try to
cultivate a certain clientele.

You can look across the street and see
them shot -putting midgets.

So you and the other merchants in the
neighborhood decided to bring this

nuisance action? Well, we had to. The
influx of the crowds was causing noise

pollution. The streets were congested,
caused vandalism. We all suffered

property damage the weekend of the
championship.

This is our town.

To have it associated with an event as
depraved as this makes us all look bad.

What they're doing is cruel.

It's devoid of all human decency and
demeans our entire community.

Thank you very much, sir. I have nothing
further.

Why is it you find dwarf tossing so
depraved, Mr. Stevens?

When a person's physicality is exploited
for amusement and profit, I find that

depraved. I see.

Well, could you tell us about the wet...
T -shirt contest sponsored by Silver

Street Tavern last year. Well, that's a
little different.

Are you telling the court that at this
bar right next to your restaurant had

-breasted women strutting around in
soaking, clinging undershirts? They

exploiting physicality for amusement and
profit?

It's still different.

They were not ridiculing the girls.

Oh, no, they were exalting them with
honor.

If anything, they were exploiting their
physical attractiveness. What they do is

exploit an abnormality, and that's
wrong.

What about the circus, Mr. Stevens? They
employ dwarves for amusement and

profit. Are you going after the Ringling
brothers next?

The circus is different, too. They don't
mistreat the dwarves. Oh, so it is okay

to exploit them for profit as long as
you don't mistreat them. Your Honor,

badgering. Tell me, Mr. Stevens.

Who should be the arbiter of whether a
dwarf is being mistreated, you or the

dwarf? A human being is picked up and
thrown.

That is mistreatment, pure and simple.
Going back to the circus,

clowns are shot out of cannons. Is that
depravity to you? It's still not the

same. But I'm sure if they shot dwarves
out of cannons, you'd come running to

the rescue, wouldn't you? How lucky we
are to have you. That's enough, Mr.

Schuyler. Uh -oh.

The judge has just reprimanded a dwarf
lawyer.

Go get him, Mr. Stevens. Objection.

Sustained. I have nothing further.

Except, of course, to say thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Mr. Schuyler, that's enough.

You both, Stuart?

Yeah, Rox, I need you to send a letter
to opposing counsel.

Another one? Mm -hmm. I need to confirm
his witnesses. He said he'd notify the

court, and I have seen no such
notifications.

Okay. And I need you to mark up this
motion in limine.

Okay. Mm -hmm.

They want to introduce her dating video
as evidence. Totally irrelevant.

I'll file it this afternoon.

Good. Oh, and, uh, did you mark out that
motion for sanctions?

This morning.

Good. File this with that as a new
combined motion. That way I only have to

one court appearance.

Good.

Oh, and, uh, Rock, you've got a
favorable court ruling here with a blue

it. You know, the blue tabs of it. We'll
do that later.

Great.

Okay, okay, okay.

Next.

We've got a real problem, Leland.

What? Ann's taken on a case that puts us
four square on the pro -choice side of

the abortion mess.

Ann? And we have clients who will run
from us like the plague.

Oh, I don't know that that's true,
Douglas.

Tell me, what's the upside of taking the
chance?

Well, the upside, Douglas, is that Ann
Kelsey is a partner here.

I'm sure that this is something she
feels rather strongly about.

No doubt.

No doubt she'll attend to it with her
customary zeal.

And mark my words, when the dust
settles, we'll all be picking the

of our bank accounts.

Who exactly are the clients you're
concerned about?

I'm concerned about Polestar.

I'm concerned about McCarran.

I'm concerned about all of them.

Well, let me sound a few of them out on
the subject.

Leland, you'll spook them just by
bringing it up.

Douglas, when I need guidance from you
on how to communicate with a client,

ask you for it.

Let me know what you find out.

I don't care if it's legal or illegal.

Now, what I'm saying is that throwing a
dwarf is medically life -threatening. Is

it more dangerous than tossing a normal
-sized person?

Oh, very much so.

Echondoplastic dwarfs have extremely
fragile spines. There's an abnormal bone

structure, and the spinal cord itself is
very inflexible. A trauma to this area

could cause sudden paralysis or
permanent neurological damage.

Is it your opinion, then, Doctor, that
this practice is unsafe?

In my opinion, this practice borders on
criminal negligence.

Objection. That's a legal conclusion.
This man is not a lawyer.

Sustained. The last remark is stricken.

Thank you, Doctor.

I have nothing further.

Doctor, you say you're opposed to dwarf
tossing on a safety level?

Yes, that's correct.

Have you ever known a dwarf to suffer
this sudden paralysis or neurological

damage as a result of being tossed?

Well, it's only a matter of time
before... Yes or no, Doctor?

No. I haven't seen it happen yet.

And on a safety level, which would you
say is more life -threatening, dwarf

tossing or skydiving?

Well, obviously skydiving. And in fact,
when we talk about football, skiing,

ice hockey, boxing, car racing...

All these sports pose a much greater
threat of injury than do dwarf tossing,

don't they?

Statistically speaking, that's true.
Then how is it you advocate the banning

dwarf tossing when you advocate no such
ban on these far more dangerous

activities? Well, these other sports you
mentioned all have some redeeming

athletic value.

The only point to dwarf tossing is
cruelty and increased liquor

But that is not a safety argument, is
it? That is a matter of policy.

Well, maybe it is, but when you
consider... But, Doctor, you expressly

you were opposed to all this on a level
of safety. Now, were you confused or

were you just lying?

I do oppose it on a safety level. Then
how come you don't oppose football?

Well, football is a legitimate sport.

Thank you, Doctor, for that expert
medical conclusion.

Nothing further.

Tomorrow we go to court and we move for
a new trial.

Then it's up to the judge, right?

Right.

She'll have an evidentiary hearing,
Holden will testify, and then she'll

What do you think she'll do?

I don't know.

The jury would never have convicted Earl
if they had heard this man, right?

Well, that's hard to say.

But what do you think?

Well, I think it would have made a
difference.

But Jackie...

That in itself may not be enough for her
to give us a new trial.

I think she will.

I'm not going to say anything to the
kids, but I think she will.

Just when you're sure that there's no
way, a way is shown.

Let's hope this is the way out.

I appreciate what you're doing.

I'm just doing what a lawyer does.

Yeah, well, a lawyer sends a bill.

We'll work that out, Jackie.

What did you do when you heard all of
this screaming, Mr. Holden?

I'm ashamed to say I didn't do anything.

It wasn't until after it stopped and I
heard someone running away that I went

the window.

And what exactly did you see when you
looked out of the window?

Saw this guy running.

Running fast.

Is that the man you saw?

No.

You're sure?

Yeah, I know the guy. I saw him running.

He hung out in MacArthur Park.

He was black, right? But he had these
white patches all over his arms and

Maybe one called him Pinto.

I have no further questions, Your Honor.

But at this time, I would like to submit
an affidavit signed by Detective Edward

Fowler of the Los Angeles Police
Department, confirming that there is, in

a man whose street name is Pinto, whose
real name is Ronald Sewell, and who has

a skin condition known as impetigo,
which is exactly what we have heard

described here.

Mark submitted.

Miss Flanagan?

Your Honor, I would also like to
submit...

The results of a polygraph test taken by
Mr. Holden.

I'm not stipulating to any polygraph
tests, Your Honor. That's that, then.

It's inadmissible.

Well, in the alternative, Mr. Holden
would be willing to submit to another

polygraph supervised by the prosecution.

The prosecution's not interested in
polygraphs, Your Honor.

Both sides have to agree, Mr. Cusack.

Ms. Flanagan, you can proceed.

Have you ever used rock cocaine, Mr.
Holden?

Objection. Credibility of the witness is
an issue, making this line of

questioning totally relevant.

The objection is overruled.

I'll ask you again.

Have you ever used rock cocaine, Mr.
Holden?

Yes, I have.

Had you been smoking it on the day that
you saw Pinto running across the parking

lot? Your Honor. Mr. Cusack, sit down.

Had you been smoking it on that day?

No, I don't believe I was.

Does that mean you're not sure?

I'm sure of what I saw.

You ever sell crack, sir?

I think I might just take the fifth on
that one.

But the fact is you were recently
arrested for selling it, weren't you?

innocent until proven guilty, right?
This time.

You've been proven guilty twice in the
past.

Yeah, all right, I've been proven guilty
twice in the past.

You offered your services as a
confidential informant to the police.

Objection. Relevance. That has nothing
to do with this case.

It goes directly to the reliability of
the witness.

Objection overruled.

You were the informant used to get an
arrest warrant on Ronnie James, were you

not?

Yeah, that was me. And that case was
thrown out of court because you proved

be totally unreliable. Isn't that right?

I don't know.

I didn't really follow it, to tell you
the truth.

Documentation will be made available to
the court.

Tell us, what is Mr. Cusack offering you
in exchange for the testimony?

Nothing.

Is that what Mr. Cusack will tell me
when I put him on the stand?

Objection. Overruled.

What is Mr.

Cusack giving you for this testimony?

He agreed to be my lawyer on the bust.

So you lied just now when you said
nothing, didn't you? He isn't giving me

anything. He's just going to be my
lawyer.

Well, Your Honor, this is pure sham.

He's a liar, and Mr. Cusack's enticed
him to come forward.

I object to that. This man came forward
on his own. Oh, out of the goodness of

his heart, I know.

He has material information, Your Honor.

Material lie.

He's a burned -out junkie looking to cut
a deal.

Objection. Hey, maybe I'm lowlife, but I
know what I saw.

Pinnock was on the pipe. He killed the
girl. That guy there had nothing to do

with it.

I'll take this matter under advisement.

We're adjourned.

Mr. Creeland, approximately how many
times would you say you've been tossed?

Probably well into the thousands.

Have you ever suffered injury as a
result of this activity?

No, never.

I guess the question on most people's
minds is, why do you consent to all

$500 a night.

As a plumber's assistant, I was lucky if
I made $60 a day.

Don't you find it all rather demeaning?

Demeaning is not being able to pay my
rent or buy braces for my son's teeth.

This job gives me financial security.

It allows me to provide for my family. I
don't want to throw all this away just

because some tall people feel sorry for
me.

Well, these tall people, they're just
trying to help.

Well, let them help the homeless or
somebody that needs help.

Nothing further.

Rich Creeland, what are the patrons in
the bar doing as you're getting tossed,

sir? They're having a good time.

They're laughing?

Yeah.

Laughing at you?

I don't know, but I don't really care.

Well, Mr. Creeland, could you make room
for the possibility that these people

laugh at you because they consider you a
freak?

It's possible, but like I said, I really
don't care.

Yes. You've mentioned your son, sir. How
old is he? He's eight years old. You

ever take him to work to show him how
Daddy makes a living?

Objection. It's line of questioning. He
says he's not ashamed of what he does,

and I'm just crossing him on that. The
objection's overruled. The witness may

answer. I can't take an eight -year -old
boy into a bar.

Well, does he even know what you do for
a living, sir?

No, he doesn't know. Well, why not? Most
fathers tell their kids all about their

job. Objection. This is abusive.

What is abusive? I'm just talking about
his great job.

The objection's overruled.

Why haven't you told your son what you
do for a living, Mr. Creeland? Wouldn't

he be proud to see his father getting
tossed around, getting laughed at? Or

could it be that he might be ashamed?

Why don't you shut up? Which is worse,
Mr. Creeland? If you were ashamed?

or if he wanted to grow up to be just
like you. I said shut up! Mr. Crillin,

that'll do.

And you too, Mr. Cifuentes. I have
nothing further.

Let the jury take note of the witness's
sense of dignity.

Objection. Withdraw.

Hi, Rox.

Hi. What's the matter?

Nothing.

Nothing, just savoring my seven -and -a
-half -minute break before I start to

rebind the deposition transcript.

You're going to rebind transcripts? Of
course.

How could anyone possibly go into court
with deposition pages that don't turn

crisply? It's almost as bad as
miscolored bleedings.

Stewart's trial.

I have filed seven motions and sent 12
letters to opposing counsel in the last

three days.

Well, being meticulous is one of the
reasons you're a good lawyer.

I know.

What's with the secret meeting?

Beats me. They all filed in there about
ten minutes ago.

Something's up.

I am not proud of this.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have
never bowed to political pressure.

Then why do it now?

Because this is different.

Abortion is different.

And I know of two major clients who view
our taking on this case as

fundamentally altering the nature of
this firm.

And both have made it very clear they'll
leave. Which, given our current

financial woes, we can ill afford.

We represented right to life rather than
pro -choice clients would leave. Which

is exactly why we stay out of it.

All together. Michael can represent
murderers and rapists with the full

of the firm. I want to represent a dear
friend, and I'm told no. We don't run

the risk of being labeled pro -murder or
pro -rape. So we'll just shut our eyes

and play it safe. What is wrong with
playing it safe? It's commonly known as

cowardice, Arnie. Excuse me, I don't
accept that characterization.

What's more, I resent it.

We have no business involving ourselves
in this controversy when there's so much

passion on both sides.

I am involved, Douglas.

I'm a woman.

I'm involved, and that passion is my
passion.

Now, you may choose to ignore it, but
you will never make it go away.

Well, we have heard evidence of the
vandalism.

We've heard evidence of the street
congestion and most of all we've heard

terrible stain this activity casts on
the entire neighborhood Now every time

they toss a dwarf They're saying it's
okay to humiliate a person just because

the way he looks every time they roll a
dwarf down a bowling alley They're

saying it's okay to abuse someone
because he is different Well, it is not

This is no different, ladies and
gentlemen, than if they started throwing

people and promoting it as nigger
tossing. Or if they decided to throw me

bowling alley and call it spic bowling.

And even if the black person agrees to
be thrown, even if I consent to be

bowled, those activities become no less
propulsive.

No.

Because bigotry can never be ratified by
the victim's consent.

That just makes it more pathetic.

What they are doing is depraved.

They are singling out a class of people
and designating them as objects of

ridicule and disrespect.

And I don't care how much they make
people laugh. I don't care how much

they make. That is discrimination.

Throw them through the air. Have a beer.

Watch that little guy sail.

Smile. Have another brewski.

And help remind the world that dwarfs
should never be taken seriously.

Well, they're not real people.

They're just cheap labor for the freak
show.

Only an attorney as brilliant as Mr.

Cifuentes... could lend such
plausibility to an argument so devoid of

Stuff about throwing blacks or bowling
Hispanics. It's a gifted analogy, but

totally misplaced.

We have civil rights laws that would
prohibit nigger -tossing or spick

but there is no such legislation that
applies to dwarfs.

And Mr. Cifuentes also very wisely
omitted the safety argument in his

Undoubtedly because he knows how
ridiculous it is.

Not one dwarf has been hurt in my
client's bar.

And the sport is certainly far less
dangerous than football or boxing or

American pastimes we embrace so
willingly.

No, their whole taste comes down to the
premise that dwarf tossing is cruel and

depraved. This despite the fact that no
tossed dwarf has ever come forward with

a complaint.

Rather, it is the tall, enlightened
people who find it so offensive.

And therein, ladies and gentlemen, lies
my complaint.

The prejudice can be found in the
assumption that little people need

that little people are not competent to
make the choices. We don't know what to

do, so you're prescribed for us what we
should do.

I am an attorney.

I became an attorney because I wanted to
and because it is my right. It is also

my right to become a human projectile if
I wanted to.

And if you limit that right in my best
interests, you limit my freedom to make

the choice.

You erode my autonomy.

You demean my individuality. And that,
ladies and gentlemen, is a far greater

detriment to self -esteem than being
thrown around in some bar.

Now, whatever you do, when you go back
into that jewellery room, don't you dare

feel sorry for us.

Take it from me, we'll take your
ridicule over your pity any time.

Hi.

What's up?

I can't do it.

All right.

My firm is worried about the effect on
some of their other clients, and they

told me I can't take the case.

If you can't, you can't.

We're a small firm, and I guess they
feel that we can't afford to be

quite so much with the issue.

What about you?

I am a partner. I have to abide by their
decision.

Well, what I mean is, can you afford to
be identified with the issue?

Connie, if it were up to me, I'd take
the case.

I guess it just didn't occur to me that
it wasn't up to you.

There's no reason that it should have.

You didn't know that I'd turned into
just another meek, aging yuppie who

good game and in the end does what she's
told.

I don't think of you as meek, and I
don't think of you as a yuppie.

And I certainly don't think of you as
aging.

Well, I know you're wrong about the last
one.

And you're my friend.

That hasn't changed, okay?

Okay.

Anyway, you should probably be thinking
about that little one inside you.

Abby, come here. Look at this.

These are the guys my client matched up
with a plaintiff.

Hey, come on. They're not so bad. Are
they all living?

I'm going to use this as an exhibit,
too, which reminds me.

Rox. What, Stuart?

Yeah, I need you to notify court and
opposing counsel about our new exhibit.

I'll get right on it. Great.

Stuart,

can I talk to you for a minute?

Yeah.

You're filing way too many motions and
sending too many letters to counsel.

What do you mean?

What, did Rox complain or something?

No, no, Roxanne didn't complain.

Just I've seen what she's been doing the
last few days.

Stuart, this is not a big case.

In fact, this is a very small case.

And when the other side sees you making
such a big deal out of it, they're going

to think you don't have anything better
to do.

They're going to read you as
inexperienced. They won't be quick to

The judge will also read you as
inexperienced. And when the jury sees

won't carry as much weight with them.

Take it from me, former victim.

I was just being thorough.

You're being too thorough.

Prepare your case, yeah.

But if you're too over -anxious,
everybody's going to smell a novice.

Okay.

Okay.

Annie?

Thanks.

Sounds like you're ready, Stuart.

Oh, I can't wait.

Mr. Foreman, has the jury reached a
verdict?

We have, Your Honor.

What say you?

In the matter of Stevens et al. v.
Riley's Pub, we find that the complained

activities do not rise to the level of
nuisance and therefore return in favor

the defendant.

Oh, baby.

Do we get to keep doing this?

I'm afraid so.

I've listened to the testimony of Philip
Holden.

I've listened to it carefully.

To warrant my setting aside the jury's
verdict and ordering a new trial, Mr.

Holden needed to be credible.

He wasn't even close.

He waited long enough before coming
forward with his purported new

so as to seriously call into question
his motives for coming forward at all.

He's a long -time drug addict.

and he's been a judge totally unreliable
in the past.

I've seen nothing here to cause me to
think that he's changed.

Accordingly, your motion for a new trial
is denied, Mr. Cusack. The jury's

verdict stands.

Court dismissed.

Your Honor, I don't... Put it in your
appellate brief, sir. I'm not hearing

oral argument now.

Your Honor?

What do I have to do to make you see?

Will you get out of my chamber? I am
watching a man get ground up in this

system of ours because no one is willing
to believe that maybe, maybe things are

not what they seem.

Your being here constitutes ex parte
communication.

I don't care what it constitutes. I'm
tired of having my witnesses dismissed

liars. Mr. Kuthak, I'll tell you one
more time. Okay, what am I supposed to

my client?

Phil Holden wasn't respectable enough so
you can kiss this life goodbye?

Will you send a court officer in,
please? Just what is number one on your

Getting at the truth or getting things
done?

You're in contempt, sir. You're damn
right I am in contempt.

I am staring at someone who would send a
man to his death so she can clear off

her desk, and I am positively in
contempt.

Gene, I'd like Mr. Cusack here placed
under arrest. Let him cool off an hour

so behind bars.

Aren't you tough?

Law and order, Uber Alice.

A few innocent ones get caught in the
net.

That's just the price we have to pay,
right? Get him out of here, Jean. I

have time for this.

Aren't you tough?

What now, Michael?

You sure look like a trial lawyer,
George.

Yeah, well, that's half of it, I'm told.

Right.

Come on.

Let's go. We have an 8 .30 reservation.

Stuart, did you ever think what it would
be like to run our own little peanut

stand? What do you mean?

I mean, instead of Mackenzie Brackman,
Kelsey Ann Markowitz.

How come your name comes first?

Alphabetical. Yeah, right.

Really, though, you could be the kind of
lawyer you want to be.

And I could be the kind of lawyer I want
to be.

Sounds great. The question is, could we
earn a living?

I don't know. But it just strikes me
that we only have a certain number of

productive years.

And I don't think I want to spend them
all toiling in someone else's vineyard.

Well, I don't guess there's any reason
you have to.

I don't know about this place, Stuart.

I really don't.

As soon as I saw their faces, I knew. I
knew I was beat.

What's the point? How many times have I
told you? You're much too tall.

You should cut his legs off before you
go into practice.

Hamilton, that's sick.

I'm going to the little girl's room. Why
don't you two wrap up the shop talk so

we can have a decent conversation when I
get back? Okay. Will do.

She's terrific.

She's absolutely contagious, isn't she?
Yeah.

So, is there something serious going on
here?

Well, I wouldn't mind, but I've only
known her an hour and a half.

What are you talking about? You just met
her?

She's a cool girl.

Oh.

Are you shocked?

I'm not shocked. I'm not.

Maybe surprised.

Why? Because she's so lanky?

Forget about dwarf hookers, Victor.

They're much too expensive.

Anyway, there's only about three in the
whole world.

There you go.

You're always deflecting everything.

Oh, come on. Don't start playing shrink
with me.

Do you have a family, Hamilton?

What's that got to do with anything? I
don't know.

Do you love anybody?

What the hell kind of questions are
these? They're just questions.

Have you ever loved somebody?

Are you going to make a pass at me?

No.

Seriously.

Have you?

Yeah. I loved a woman once, six years
ago. I let myself fall in love.

What happened?

Well, the same as happens in most
relationships, I guess. One day you wake

and the passion's gone. You discover you
don't really know each other anymore.

And then she gets embarrassed to be with
a man who's only 3 foot

11 tall.

I know what feelings are about, Victor.

Still, I win my cases, I get rich, I
surround myself with luxury, I go out

beautiful women. I've got no complaints.

Sorry I took so long.

What happened to you? I was expecting a
ransom note.

Isn't he adorable?

I was born that way. What can I say?

I'm having such a good time.

Of course you are. Life is good.

Life is great.

Here's to happiness.

To happiness.