Original subtitles

Thank you.

Hi, hello everyone. My name is Cathy.

Welcome to my home.

So today I will be representing my daughter on a date.

The only thing you need to know about my daughter is that she's an overachiever.

She likes to give her best in any situation.

And the minimum I'm expecting from any boyfriends of hers is that he gives the

best of himself. If he does, am I giving my permission to date her?

Even though I've been told that it won't be much longer.

How's everybody doing?

I'm Juan, and I was thinking of getting a girlfriend.

But instead of going on dates with these girls, I'd be going on dates with their

moms.

And, you know, if... The vibe is right with the moms.

I'm sure I'll get along with their daughter.

But if not, then I guess I'm going to have to keep dating these moms on Date

Milf.

Hi. Hello. My name is Cassie, and you are? I'm Juan.

Nice to meet you, Juan.

You have such a nice house. It's so big.

Oh, thank you so much.

Such a nice sentiment.

So, are you ready for our date today?

Yes. Okay. Let's get to it. So, for our date today, I wanted to show you that

romance asks a lot of preparation and effort.

And if she does end up dating my daughter, I want to be sure she will be

treated. So, today, I'm going to show you, teach you, how to prepare a vase of

roses,

chocolate covered strawberries, and how to write a haiku.

Facts.

Yeah, okay.

This way?

Okay.

So let's start with the roses, okay?

Okay. Now, you take the roses. Oh, not on this one. It's already taken off. On

this one, you take the thorn.

Here. Take it off.

Like that, to be sure you don't cut yourself.

And then, at the end of the steam, you make sure you cut it horizontally

so the roses can have the maximum

water, the maximum they need.

Are you okay?

Oh.

Yeah, I'm fine.

You know, like they say, you gotta smell the roses.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Is this alright?

Yeah.

Okay, so you cut the thorn right here.

Ooh,

you have special tools.

Yeah. Great.

Pop them off.

Oh. I'll let you do it then.

Alright, and I cut the thorn.

But just like that, alright.

Talking everywhere.

Oh, that one is done.

Okay.

And like this.

Huh.

All right.

Okay,

I think we're done.

Okay, so we should do a bouquet. Yeah. Okay, like that.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Yeah, like this. It's perfect.

You look good.

Beautiful. You have great imagination.

Absolutely.

Like this?

Uh -huh.

Want to put the rest?

Yeah, just like that.

Let's have the face.

Beautiful.

You're doing that very well, very well, Ron.

I'm very proud.

Bravo.

You got this.

You know, a rubber band would help, but this will do.

Oh, yeah.

I can't wait for this.

Voila.

I think it's time to melt the chocolate.

Okay? All right.

Perfect. It's perfectly melted.

Yes, it is.

So, the key is to get the

perfect amount of chocolate around the strawberry.

So, not too much, but enough so you can feel all

the flavor, you know.

Just like that.

Why not?

I think you're fun.

All right, your turn.

All right.

Amazing,

you did so great in here.

Okay. Hey.

Oh.

I'm guessing this is not a problem to offer my daughter dozens of roses and

eight of them strawberries.

My God.

They're really good. You have to try one.

Oh, yeah, is it?

Yeah.

But we can't eat them all.

You really have to try it. They're really good.

I'm sure they're very good, but I mean, I don't... Come on, just try it.

Try it, just try it.

It's really good, yeah.

But we can't eat them all.

I mean, it's for you and my daughter.

Thank who?

We're going to go to the second, the third thing we have to do. Oh, yeah, you

said something about a haiku?

A haiku.

Yeah, it's a form of poetry.

Well, and I've never really been the best at rhyming.

There is no rhyme in haiku.

They follow a very trickleable structure.

Five, seven, five.

For example, chocolate covered.

Juice is dripping all over my mouth.

Lovely strawberry.

Bravo.

Thank you so much.

Well, the rules are easy enough. So anybody can actually

create a haiku. So master.

Can have a headache about it, but I'm sure you can do something. I'm sure you

can find something.

Let's see, let's see.

You're gorgeous.

Wait, what's your daughter's name?

Tiffany. Tiffany, Tiffany, Tiffany, okay.

Tiffany, you're gorgeous.

Tiffany, you're...

What color is her hair?

If I tell you right now, it would go against the rules.

I cannot block all the fun.

Write about somebody.

Let you know already.

I mean, I can, I'm just... I wouldn't be on this show if there really

wasn't... I mean, I could write about you.

Oh, you don't have to do that.

Oh, no, I mean, I... I really want to.

So, I mean... Okay.

Here it goes.

Learning romance from a woman pretty and wise.

How lucky am I?

This is really beautiful.

Really beautiful.

But you did use 8th level instead of 7 in the middle.

Oh, shit.

A woman so beautiful, which was implied.

Yeah. But

I'm

very glad that I'm not going to date a guy like you.

Damn.

You're just going to give me up that easy?

And even put up a fight?

Why would you want to date me?

What?

Why not?

You're really awesome. You're smart.

You know all this romance stuff.

You're a really great teacher. And I'm sure there's a lot more that you can

me.

Well, now that you're talking about it, I think

there is plenty of other tricks and tips I

can show you, yes.

Mm -hmm.

I hope you won't be too disappointed.

I'm sure I won't. Good.

Take off my band -aid.

Ugh.

That tastes so good.

I feel so fucking good.

Get me to have it inside.

Hmm.

Thank you.

Hmm.

Oh God.

Oh God. Oh God.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Yes. Fuck,

yes.

Thank you.

So how did you know?

Fuck me hard on this one. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Fuck yeah.

Yeah, go ahead.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Oh,

fuck yeah.

Yes.

Oh,

that's so good.

Oh, yeah, that's so good.

Thank you.

to say that.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh,

God.

at first, but he's definitely a fast learner.

And after her lesson of romance today, I'm sure that it's going

to treat you right.

Oh, really?

Yeah. That's so exciting.

Well, honey, I have to leave you because he's actually coming right now. Call me

when he leaves. Yeah.

I'll see you later.

Hey.

Today,

You made learning very fun. I mean, you're like the Bill Nye of dating.

But let's be honest.

I'm only here for one thing, and one thing only is to find out if I could

date your daughter or not.

Yes, and I think you're the perfect choice.

And although it sounds really great, it's pretty whack.

So I don't think I'm...

gonna be able to date your daughter.

I'm sorry.

It's alright.

It's okay. I'm not mad.

Alright?