All language subtitles for Boomers.S02E02.Matt.and.Seb.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-Gusty_track3_[eng]

[ Clatter ]

That´s not mine.

This isn´t mine!

-Hi. It´s "Alan," isn´t it?
-No. What?

Matt, Seb.
Just moved in down the road.

-I like that cupboard.
-ALAN: What, this?

Oh, it´s just some old rubbish
I´m clearing out of the loft.

SEB: No, it´s really nice.
You could up-cycle that.

-Zhoosh it a bit.
-We´re not big "zhooshers."

We´re having a housewarming
party on Saturday,

and we wondered
if you´d like to come?

-Um...
-We´d love to come, Matt!

-Hi, Seb!
-How are you?

Great. Well, we´ll see you
there. Anytime after 6:00.

-Bye!
-Bye-bye.

We can´t turn down
their invitation, Alan.

They´ll think
we´re narrow-minded.

I mean, can you believe,
the cheek of some people?

We don´t want
people thinking badly of us.

We´ve paid for this skip!

Although,
sometimes it can´t be helped.

This is our space!
Get your own!

Alan!

It´s all right. No one saw me.
[ Clears throat ]

-[ Bell dings ]
-Hi!

JOYCE: Hi!

-Seb´s an architect.
-You been Googling people again?

No, I´ve been asking around,
talking to people.

Maybe he can do us a deal
on our loft conversion.

-That won´t work.
-Why not?

-I´ve told John he can do it.
-No, Alan.

John´s a plumber.
Seb´s an architect.

It´s perfect --

He can do our loft,
plus we get to know them better,

welcome them
into the local community.

-Why do we both have to go?
-Because I just want

one set of neighbors that
we can talk to and get on with.

You´ve fallen out
with everyone else.

If you´re not shouting at them
from your skip,

you´re -- you´re annoying them

with anti-parking bollards
in the street

or shoving notes
through the letterbox

about their overhanging hedges.

Why can´t you just be nice?

I tried nice once.
Didn´t like it.

I´m entering them into
the library art competition.

The art therapy´s
going really well.

I start off very tense
and stressy,

but by the end of each session

I´m really tuned in
to my creative unconscious.

So these are like
before and after?

-That´s it.
-Which is which?

I´m creating more
to deal with my frustrations.

Tonight, me and Trevor
are coming to the end

-of a period of sexual lent.
-You what, love?

We haven´t had
physical relations for a month.

We called it sexual Lent.

We just called it September.

Anyway, you two looking forward
to the party tonight?

Yeah! We never get to do
anything different.

It´s always
one of John´s functions.

The sailing club,
the Rotary club...

any of these other bloody clubs.

I feel invisible sometimes,
hung on his arm --

just a sad but dazzling
piece of eye candy.

It is a gay party, isn´t it?

Well, they are gay, but
I don´t think it´s a gay party.

Gays love me.

Back when I met John,
all my male friends were gay.

Made his job easier.

We had a gay couple live
next door to us in Chorleywood,

when we first got married --
Devon and Peter.

They took me under their wing.
We went to all the gay clubs.

I think Seb and Matt
are quite domesticated.

Devon had this pair
of gold lamé pants.

He used to put them on sometimes
for a laugh,

knock on our door
asking for a bit of sugar.

-John was terrified of him.
-Maureen...

It is ages since I have been
to a proper gay party.

I don´t think
it´s that kind of party.

It will be once I get there.

Look, I-I don´t know
how to say this, but...

I think you might come across
as a bit of --

-a bit of a...
-Bit of a what?

A tiny bit of a cling-on,
where gay men are concerned.

I don´t understand.

Well, I´m -- I´m --
I´m trying to think

of how to describe it
in a sensitive way.

She means you´re a fag hag,
Maureen.

-Or we could just say that.
-You know, like Lady Gaga.

I do know what a fag hag is,
Carol.

I´m not that over the top, am I?

You´re on YouTube --

-Skip Rage Man.
-[ Gasps ]

This is our space!
Get your own!

Maureen´s mate got sent it on
the Thurnemouth Facebook group.

Have people got
nothing better to do

-than to film their neighbors?
-Not in Thurnemouth, no.

Carol and I were going to have
a quiet night in.

We were going to watch
an episode of "Countryfile"

on iPlayer; We´ve got three
to choose from "in the bank."

Wow. When you have a quiet night
in, Trevor,

-you have a quiet night in.
-Are you coming?

No. Maureen usually embarrasses
herself at these kind of things.

She sees a gay man,

she attaches herself like a
barnacle to the side of a boat.

Come on. One night´s
not going to kill you.

She goes insane, Alan.

You´ve only got to play
the right song,

and bang, she´s on the table,
the shoes are off.

[ Gasps ]
It´s carnage.

I hear
one of them´s an architect.

You should get him to do
your loft.

No need. Me and Alan
are doing it, aren´t we?

Yeah.

-You look very nice.
-Thank you, my love.

-And so do you.
-Thank you.

-Making me proud, as usual.
-Aww.

You´re not going to jump up
on any tables, are you?

I´ve already been told.

Matt and Seb
seem like a lovely couple.

They´re so lovely.

Nice, ordinary,
down-to-earth, people.

That´s what we´ve got to do
tonight -- convince them

that we´re nice ordinary,
down-to-earth people.

You and Trevor aren´t planning
to stay that long, are you?

TREVOR: We´re going in
very early, aren´t we?

JOHN: You want to get away
as soon as possible, don´t you?

-What are you talking about?
-Carol told Maureen.

[ Sighs ] She might as well
be selling tickets.

I´m trying not to think
about it.

It´s causing me some anxiety.

-You mean like --
-I don´t want to talk about it.

All I´ll say to you, John, is
that expectations have built up.

I understand.

Not another word on this matter
will pass my lips.

Thank you.

What was that all about?

Trevor´s having
performance anxiety.

-Oh, dear.
-Well, him and Carol

haven´t been with each other
for over two months.

That´s a long time to go
without, isn´t it?

-Is it?
-Oh, yeah.

-Do you know I heard it once?
-Heard what?

-Trevor´s sex noise.
-His sex noise?

-Yeah.
-How did you hear that?

Well, remember
our Mark´s wedding?

The first one,
at the Stoke Ramada Inn?

We were a bit pissed,
and we went up to the room...

-Oh, my God.
-...and realized

that Trevor and Carol
were in the room next door.

-Oh.
-I could hear everything.

Thin wall?

Well, I had to put a glass
to it, obviously.

But, ohh, it´s a terrible sound,
Trevor´s sex noise.

-I can imagine.
-Like a monkey crying.

Enough, I get it.

And once you´ve heard it,
it you can´t un-hear it.

-I better watch myself in there.
-What?

Well, there will be
a few single blokes.

I don´t think
it´s that kind of a party.

-They´re a gay couple, Alan.
-A happily married gay couple.

I don´t care
if they are happily married.

You´ve still got to keep
half an eye open.

What, you think
they might try and turn you?

I am the most attractive.

I can´t help it.
I´m like catnip to gay men.

Do you know,
we once lived next door

to two blokes in Chorleywood,

and they were around
all the time.

Maureen, bless her,
thinks they came to see her.

I´ve never had the heart
to tell her it was me all along.

[ Doorbell rings ]

-Hi!
-Hi!

You must be John.
Come in.

This is Becks.

He´s our only concession
to gay stereotyping.

Just shut the door for me
so I can put him down.

If the door´s left open,
he runs off.

So I have to keep him locked in.
Like Seb. [ Laughs ]

Oh, my God.
That dog is gorgeous.

And they called it Becks.
That is so cute and gay.

I thought we talked about this.

I´m sorry. I forgot.

-[ Smooching ]
-Do you like dogs?

I love dogs!

But only...big, butch ones.

-Well done.
-It´s hard, Joyce.

Be strong.

Just dump your coats
in the bedroom.

Oh, we better hang on to ours,
´cause we´re not staying long.

Yeah, but we
don´t want to be rude, do we?

Oh.

You were right.
You are the most attractive.

Well, hurry up, then.

Are you being friendly?

Joyce, I promise you
I´m being friendly.

They´re nice guys.

That looks like
my mum´s bedside cupboard.

-What bedside cupboard?
-My mum´s bedside cupboard.

The one my great-grandad
brought back from the Great War.

The one that´s been in
the family for a hundred years.

Oh, that bedside cupboard.

-We should do that with ours.
-What?

-Give it a going-over.
-Don´t do that.

-Why not?
-It´ll ruin it.

You don´t know
what you´re talking about.

I´m getting it down tomorrow.

I think it´s in the loft,
isn´t it?

-Yeah.
-Yeah. I´m sure I saw it there.

You did. Because that´s
where it was. And still is.

Well, I´m excited now.
I love a project!

You didn´t tell me this -- that
bedside cupboard was important.

-I´ve told you that before.
-No, you haven´t.

Well, I can´t remember
everything.

-I´m not perfect, am I?
-Is this a trick question?

I love the artwork.
I do a bit of art myself.

I make
screen-printed tea towels.

We have a women´s
arts-and-crafts club.

Last week, Daisy and Margaret
made a wire mesh model

-of Lionel Messi.
-Wow.

Yeah. You have to work hard
to keep standards up.

If you don´t,
people will start to think

that women´s regional
craft workshops are just a joke.

We´ve got a lot of things
still wrapped up in the garage.

-I´ll have to show you later.
-Oh, that sounds amazing.

We can´t stay too long, though,
can we, Trevor?

-We can stay for a bit.
-Can we?

I thought you had to get back
for that thing.

What thing?

You know --

that thing
you wanted to get back for.

We can see the pictures, Carol.

I would have thought this
would be right up your alley.

-Bit boring for you, though?
-No, I love it.

I think the male form
is a beautiful thing.

I often wonder how things
might have turned out

if I´d been exposed to more
homosexuality at a younger age.

We´ll never know now, of course,
but I think

I might have taken to it, had I
been given the opportunity.

The thing is, we never really
had the exposure, you see?

It wasn´t really around
back then.

It´s like the Internet.

The kids today
are very comfortable with it,

but our generation´s always
going to be playing catch-up.

Anyone else want a top-up?

Okay.

He´s lovely -- Trevor --
isn´t he?

You know, listening to you
talking about art

reminded me that we´re thinking
of having our loft done.

-Oh.
-I was wondering

if you´d like to pop over
and have a look?

Oh, I´m really busy
at the minute.

It´s only a small roof.
Take you 10 minutes.

Oh, I know, but, really,
I´m up to my eyes at the moment.

-Oh. Excuse me.
-[ Sighs ]

[ Indistinct singing ]

They´ve got Joyce´s cupboard.

You´ll have to give me
more than that.

Turns out it´s a big deal,
belonged to Joyce´s grandmother.

-They took it off my skip.
-I thought it was

people putting things on your
skip that got you worked up.

Well, this time
it´s taking something off.

[ Sighs ] You might need to make
a new video.

-What do I do?
-Ask him where they got it.

That´s a bit awkward, isn´t it?

Just slip it casually
into the conversation.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Casually.
[ Chuckles nervously ]

So...what do you make
of Thurnemouth?

We love it.
London was getting us down.

Yeah, that must have been tough.

So, that bedside cupboard
of yours, it´s nice, isn´t it?

Yeah, it´s lovely. We reclaim
old furniture and do it up.

I mention it because
we´ve got one just like it.

In fact,
you noticed it the other day.

Yeah, that´s what gave us
the idea.

But we got this one from a shop.

Thought you said
it was reclaimed.

A reclaimed-furniture shop.

Oh, a reclaimed-furniture shop,
eh?

Yeah.
Reclaimed furniture.

Better go and circulate.

He´s lying to my face.
He saw me put it on the skip.

You´ve got to get it back.

I can´t do that.
They´ll miss it.

They´re not going to come
and accuse you,

having denied taking it off your
skip in the first place.

Are they? Huh?

-He said no.
-What?

Seb. Said he wouldn´t do
our loft conversion.

What?
What did you ask him that for?

I told you
I was going to ask him.

-No, you didn´t.
-JOYCE: Said he was too busy,

but I know for a fact he´s doing
a quote for Terry and Clive.

-Terry and Clive?
-Yeah, you know, the couple

that live in the big house
on the seafront.

I thought I was doing your loft.

And these
are spiced tofu with celeriac.

Can I help you with that?
You look a bit under the cosh!

Oh, uh, that´s --
that´s very kind of you.

[ Chuckles softly ] I know
you´re busy and everything,

so don´t worry
about the loft thing.

Just whenever
you´ve got a bit of time.

Yeah, ´course.

I know you´ve got
a couple of others to do.

So we´re happy just to be
on the list somewhere.

-You´re definitely on the list.
-Ooh. [ Chuckles ]

I mean I can understand why
you´d want to do

Terry and Clive´s loft,
because they´re, you know...

Gay?

-No!
-You think I´d do

someone´s loft conversion
just because they´re gay?

No, not that, obviously!

It´s not the Masons, you know.

We don´t have
a special handshake.

No, of course not.

There isn´t some special website
specifically

for gay men who like to do
each other´s loft conversions.

Well, there is, actually, bu...

No. No, I -- I-I-I didn´t mean
that. I mean, we´re --

Look...

we´re just so pleased
that you´ve moved in.

-Mm. Get your quotas up.
-No, it´s not about quotas.

It´s about meeting
different people.

Not different -- uh, new.

I understand. You´re very
pleased that we´ve moved in.

Well, yeah. I mean, listen,
we´ve got lots --

"Lots of gay friends."
Everybody says that.

Yeah, but I´m more in tune
with diversity than most.

It´s always been a passion
of mine,

you know, equal rights,
gay marriage, all that.

Mm. You´re in tune
with the whole vibe.

We´re very serious about it.
We have to be.

You have to be?

-Well, because of our situation.
-What situation is that?

-With Alan.
-What about Alan?

Well, you know...

he´s...he´s gay.

-Your Alan?
-I know.

I couldn´t believe it, either.

I mean, you know,

you read about people struggling
with their sexuality,

but you -- you never think
it could be someone so close.

-How long have you known?
-JOYCE: Not long.

He just came out with it.

Said he couldn´t live the lie
any longer.

Oh, my God.

And you´re still together?

I haven´t stopped loving him,
Seb.

-♫ Under pressure ♫
-No, of course not.

-♫ Pushing down on me ♫
-Must be difficult, though.

-♫ Pressing down on you ♫
-We´re both on a journey.

♫ No man ask for ♫

♫ Under pressure ♫

Trevor doesn´t want to go home.

Performance pressure´s
probably getting to him.

Very frustrating for you,
I´d have thought.

MATT: All right, ladies?

Has Seb been boring you
with the, uh, artwork?

-We like a bit of culture.
-Carol´s an artist.

-Mm!
-I dabble.

Oh, you got a bit
of the bohemian spirit in you,

have you, eh?

Maybe you could show me
the club scene up here.

I don´t know much
about clubbing.

-Do you, Maureen?
-No.

-Not really my kind of thing.
-That´s a shame.

Bet the club scene was pretty
wild when you were in your pomp,

back in the, uh...

-´80s?
-´60s.

-´70s.
-´70s.

Bet there were guys with gold
lamé hot pants everywhere.

-Oh, my God!
-MATT: What?

That sounds dreadful.

Oh.
You´re so straight, Maureen.

[ Giggles ]

I´m never going to keep this up.

I´m going to crack, Carol, I am,
I´m going to crack.

-♫ You better think ♫
-♫ Think ♫

♫ Think about
what you´re tryin´ to do to me ♫

-♫ Think ♫
-♫ Think, think ♫

♫ Let your mind go,
let yourself be free ♫

♫ Let´s go back, let´s go back,

a-let´s go way on
to way back when ♫

♫ I didn´t even know you,
you couldn´t have been too much

-more than 10 ♫
-♫ Just a child ♫

♫ I ain´t no psychiatrist,
I ain´t no doctor with degrees ♫

♫ But it don´t take
too much I.Q.

to see what you´re doing to me ♫

-♫ Oh, freedom ♫
-♫ Freedom ♫

-♫ Freedom ♫
-♫ Freedom ♫

♫ Oh... ♫

[ Chuckles nervously ]
That´s not the bathroom.

Well, there´s an en suite
in there.

Uh, yes, there is.
I saw that.

Well, you can use that,
if you like.

I don´t want to. I-I mean, I
don´t want to use your en suite.

It´s more private, isn´t it?
I mean, it´s your special place.

I mean, not that I wouldn´t
want to use your special places.

I´m sure there´s nothing
different about it,

but I would rather use
the guest bathroom.

Listen, I just want to say,

I think it´s amazing,
what you´re doing.

-What?
-Seb´s been talking to Joyce

about, you know, you trying to
make your mind up about things.

Oh, the conversion.

That´s an interesting way
of putting it.

-Is it?
-Don´t rush into any decisions.

You need to take stock.
Joyce seems very supportive.

Well, it was her idea
in the first place.

Wow.

Well, just work out what
you really want moving forward.

-I´m going to get someone in.
-Are you?

Yeah, you know, get two or three
guys in, work as a team.

It´s pretty straightforward.
Excuse me.

-Trevor?
-Hi.

-You looking for Carol?
-No. Why, was she here?

-Is everything all right?
-Yeah, fine.

Um, got a big...trustee meeting
coming up.

I´m having trouble
with one of my charities.

That´s no way to talk
about Carol. Ha!

I´m only joking.
I hate meetings, as well.

-What line of work are you in?
-Financial services.

-You´re joking.
-Uh, no.

-So am I!
-I never joke

-about financial services.
-Well, neither do I.

So, what´s this big meeting
that you´re dreading?

-Is it with a client?
-Uh, kind of.

You know what I do if I´m
ever dreading a big meeting?

-I try to bring it forward.
-What do you mean?

Just have it earlier.
Get it out of the way sooner.

Oh, right.
Less time to worry about it.

-Exactly.
-That´s -- That´s clever.

Counterintuitive.

Plus, you perform better
in the meeting.

-Do you?
-MATT: Yeah,

because you´re under-prepared;
You have to think on your toes.

They´ve done tests.
The stats prove it.

It´s a very persuasive argument,
if you like stats.

Oh, I do.
I like stats a lot.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Nice place.

Yeah, it´s got
a lot of potential.

Yeah.

I wonder where Maureen´s got to.

Party animal, is she? And you
always end up in the kitchen?

-Yeah.
-Me too.

It´s difficult
living with a...big personality.

Matt´s always standing
on tables,

singing his head off at parties.

Maureen can´t see a table
without standing on it.

To be honest, I´ve asked her
to tone it down a bit.

She can be embarrassing
when she meets...

when she´s with...
at -- at parties.

I know what you mean. I wish I
could tell Matt to do the same.

You know, it´s --
it´s difficult for me out here.

You know, I´m cut off
from my old network of friends.

Whereas Matt´s
still kind of plugged in

because he commutes in and out
of London every day.

Oh, I think you could tell him.

No, I don´t want to start a row.

He seems like a nice bloke.
I´m sure he´d be understanding.

Oh. Thanks.

I´m probably making too much
of it, anyway.

Well, he did say you
were a bit of a drama queen.

I didn´t know that.
I --

Grab your coat, love.
You´ve pulled.

-What?
-We´re going home.

But I thought
you wanted to stay --

-I´ve changed my mind.
-You mean?

Yes, Carol. Our period
of fasting is at an end.

Oh!

♫ Baby, here I am,
I´m a man on the scene ♫

♫ I can give you what you want,
just come, go home with me ♫

♫ I´ve-a got
some good, old lovin´,

-and I got some in store... ♫
-[ Giggling ]

This is all very sudden.

Exactly. The suddenness of it
is very liberating.

To be honest,
I´ve been nervous about it,

knowing where and when
it was going to happen.

It´s like a job interview.

I always hated job interviews
one on one.

I much preferred a panel.

-You want more people?
-No, I´m just saying, uh...

the more spontaneous it is,
the less I have to dread.

-Thanks.
-Oh, no, no, no.

Not dread. Fear.
No! Worry about. Shall we?

Do you remember that time
in Lincoln?

We´d just started going out,
and we stayed in that B and B.

Oh, near the cathedral, yes.

That was a lovely weekend,
wasn´t it?

Wonderful architecture.

You know, I think that was
the tallest building in Europe

till 1549.

Because it was our first time.

Obviously that was the main
thing about the weekend.

The cathedral
was very much a side issue.

They didn´t have
any clean bedding,

so we slept on the floor
under our coats.

-[ Giggles ]
-Really?

You might not still be in the
mood by the time we get home.

Darling, it´s a five-minute
walk. I think I can manage it.

[ Sighs ]

O-Okay, we -- we can do this.
This is good.

We don´t have to
if you don´t want to.

No, this is very doable.

We just have to organize it
properly.

I mean, we are supposed to be
exploring

different possibilities
within our relationship.

Carol, this is all good.
Just have to lock the door.

-[ Door locks ]
-And now

move these coats over here.

Because that´s coir matting,

You´ll lose several layers
of skin if you roll off there.

-How´s that?
-Fine!

Oh, not on that one.

-Why not?
-That´s Alan´s.

I don´t want him involved.

-Oh.
-[ Car alarm chirps ]

Oh.
I think I´ve unlocked his car.

-[ Knock on door ]
-Oh!

SEB:
Hello? Who´s in there?

-I´d better open the door.
-No!

You stay there.
I´ll sort it.

-Oh, hi.
-TREVOR: Hello.

I was just using the, um...
en suite.

-There is another bathroom.
-Is there?

-Mm.
-Oh. Of course there is.

I mean, that´s the one
I was looking for.

-Then I found this one.
-Right.

-Have you seen our dog anywhere?
-No.

Will you give me a shout
if you do?

-Righto.
-Oh, just need

-one of the coats there.
-Okay. Which one?

-Dave´s. He´s leaving.
-Well, I´ll get it.

-You don´t know which one.
-Well, I-I could guess.

You´re going to guess
which coat it is?

It´s a party game.

Have you never played
Guess the Coat?

Why don´t I just get it?

Okay, that would be easier.

[ Tapping ]

Can you give me a hand?

-Oh, hi, Carol.
-Hi.

I need to take this cupboard
back to my place.

Isn´t this their cupboard?

It´s originally ours,
and now we´re taking it back.

-I´m not taking their cupboard.
-They said we could have it.

-Who did?
-Seb.

-Well, why isn´t he helping you?
-He´s hosting a party.

-Well, I can´t.
-Why not?

-I´m doing something.
-Look,

my thing
will only take two minutes.

So will mine.

Just come out with us
and meet the gang.

Oh, I don´t know.
I´m not much of a night owl.

-They´d love you.
-Would they?

-Yeah!
-No, I don´t think so.

You´ll love it!
It does get a bit "shouty."

I don´t think so.
I don´t really do "shouty."

-Matt? I can´t find the dog.
-Oh, he´ll be hiding somewhere.

-Did you leave the door open?
-That´s it. Blame me.

I just thought you might have
left it open and forgotten,

seeing as you´ve had
quite a bit of that Bordeaux.

MATT:
I´ve only had a few glasses.

Oh, well. There´s plenty left.
In France.

Oh, come on, boys.
Don´t argue.

Don´t get excited, Seb.
He´ll turn up.

I am not getting excited.

I´m not a drama queen,
contrary to popular opinion.

Come on. Guys...

That´s right. You hate drama.
Like Jordan hates a wedding.

Ah. Hilarious. At least we´ll
have something to chuckle about

while we´re scooping
Becks´ lifeless little body up

off the road!

So you´re saying that
if we were still in London

we wouldn´t have to lock
the door, is that it?

Oh, I knew we´d get to this.

-This is about David?
-Oh, my God!

-Oh, don´t be ridiculous.
-Who´s David?

Somebody I knew
a very long time ago.

Oh, my God!

Oh, it always comes back
to the exes.

Why can´t you
just get over them?

There´s too many.

I´d need crampons and a team
of Sherpas to get over them.

Boys, boys, boys!

I´m sorry.
We should do this in private.

No! Do it here!

You do not know
how much I have missed this.

Mwah!

I´m home!

TREVOR: Okay.
That´s better, more comfy.

Oh. Just got to draw
the curtains.

I think that´s better,
don´t you?

We don´t want to be overlooked
by that house over the road.

Okay.

-This is great, isn´t it?
-Very exciting.

-Gosh, it´s been too long.
-Yep.

Ah. Fear not,
for the dam is about to burst.

Oh, it´s a dimmer switch.

Right.
How do you want it?

Whoa!
Operating theater, suddenly.

Oh.
Now I can´t see a thing.

That´s a bit moody, isn´t it?

-Trevor?
-Or is that too...bistro?

-Trevor!
-Yes?

-Shall we just leave it?
-What do you mean?

Do it tomorrow or next week.

Or whenever we´re feeling
a bit more relaxed?

Really? ´Cause I´m --

-I´m raring to go.
-CAROL: I know you are,

but I quite feel like going home
and watching a bit of telly.

[ Exhales sharply ]
Well, i-if that´s what you want.

I think so.

-What do you want to watch?
-How about "Countryfile"?

All those farmers´ wives might
get you in the mood again, eh?

[ Giggles ]

[ Sylvester´s "You Make Me Feel
(Mighty Real)" plays ]

-♫ Mighty real ♫
-MAUREEN: Whoo-hoo!

♫ You make me feel ♫

-♫ Mighty real ♫
-Maureen?! What are you doing?

Oh, I´ve realized something,
Joyce.

You can´t hide who you are.
You have to be true to yourself.

-♫ Mighty real ♫
-She´s out and proud.

♫ When we get home, darlin´,
and it´s ♫

♫ Nice and dark
and the music´s in me and I am ♫

We tried, damn it.

-♫ And you kiss me fast and it ♫
-[ Knocks on door ]

I need your help.

-Help with what?
-Take the cupboard back.

You can´t steal their cupboard,
Alan.

You told me to steal it.

That was
before I got to know Seb.

And before I knew that
you´d asked him to do your loft.

This is Joyce´s cupboard, John.

If you won´t do it for me,
do it for Joyce.

♫ Mighty real ♫

[ Grunts ]

Is that their dog?

[ Gasps ]
[ Whispering loudly ] Becks.

Becks!
Come on, Becksie!

Not coming.

Probably can´t lip-read.

I´ll get some meat.

♫ I´m coming out ♫

♫ I want the world to know ♫

-♫ Got to let it show ♫
-I love meat.

Especially al fresco.

♫ I´m coming out ♫

I got some meat.

But you already found him some.

When you´re ready.

[ Becks yelps ]

-ALAN: Window´s shut.
-Stick him in the cupboard.

-What?
-I´ll bring him back later.

ALAN: In you go.

[ Becks whimpers ]

I´ve got it. Quick. This way.
I´ve got it.

Oh. Sorry...

-Hi. Uh, you know John.
-Is that our cupboard?

-Which cupboard?
-SEB: That one.

Oh, this one.
Uh...

Well, no, actually,
it´s our cupboard.

I don´t understand.

-Joyce likes it.
-What?

Uh, Alan´s
going to get her one like it,

but he -- he needed to see

if it would fit in the gap
by the side of the bed.

Ah, yeah, the gap.
No tape measure, see?

We were bringing it
straight back.

-Two minutes.
-Sorry we didn´t ask.

That´s okay. Uh, have you seen
Becks anywhere?

-Um...
-Don´t think so.

-No.
-No, we haven´t.

[ Becks whimpers ]

[ Scratching ]

-[ Gasps ]
-Becksie!

SEB:
Oh! Is he all right?

I think so.

I´m done, mate.
You´re on your own.

Wait, so you´re trying to steal
our dog and our cupboard?

-It´s not your cupboard.
-I-I don´t know what to do.

I don´t want to call the police.

JOYCE:
Alan? What´s going on?

-He´s nicking our cupboard.
-And our dog.

SEB:
I know he´s confused, but...

There´s no excuse
for animal abuse, Alan.

Don´t care
how repressed you are.

What´s he talking about?

Never mind that.
All you had to do was be nice.

So we´d have
one set of neighbors

that hadn´t reported us
to the police!

This is our cupboard.
You took it from our skip.

I told you
we bought that in town.

You said you liked it. You said
you were going to zhoosh it up.

Mate, you need to calm down.

I´ll prove it!
Come on!

MATT:
Gemma, take Becksie.

You stood right here and said

that you wanted to zhoosh up
our cupboard.

-That cupboard?
-Yeah, that cupboard!

My great-grandad´s cupboard!

[ Elvis´ "Trouble" plays ]

♫ If you´re looking
for trouble ♫

♫ You came to the right place ♫

♫ My daddy was
a green-eyed mountain jack ♫

♫ Because I´m evil ♫

♫ My middle name is misery ♫

♫ Yeah, yeah ♫

♫ Well, I´m evil ♫

♫ So don´t you mess around
with me ♫