All language subtitles for Boomers.S02E01.Camping.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-Gusty_track3_[eng]

[ Flies buzzing ]

[ Air hissing ]

JOYCE: Alan!

Alan!

Wake up.
You´re deflating.

-[ Tapping ]
-ALAN: I´m awake.

I´m writing a review
for TripAdvisor.

"Worst place ever stayed in."

Oh, that´s nice.
On Trevor´s 65th birthday.

They appreciate the feedback,
Joyce.

The only way I can make
this place better...

short of dropping a bomb on it.

[ Moaning, loud creaking ]

What´s going on next door?

[ Moaning, creaking continue ]

Bit early for all that,
isn´t it?

Carol´s bought him an exercise
machine for his birthday.

-TREVOR: I´m slipping off!
-CAROL: Hold on to something!

TREVOR: I´m too sweaty!

CAROL: Oh, come on, Trevor, you
can go a bit faster than that!

-TREVOR: [ Moans ]
-Just put up with roughing it

for a couple of days,
for Trevor.

It´s the same for all of us.

[ Grieg´s "Morning Mood" plays ]

This cappuccino´s not right.

We haven´t got
a frothing machine.

-[ Cup clinks ]
-How do people live like this?

The loo in the shower block´s
broken. Can I use yours?

-Uh, I´d rather you didn´t.
-Thanks.

It´s rented, and I
don´t want to lose the deposit.

-[ Zipper unzips ]
-Alan! Alan!

[ Gulps ]
The day of the living dead.

Where´s my clothes bag? It´s not
in the tent. Did you pack it?

-I thought you did it.
-Oh, no, Alan...

What about
the clothes you came in?

Oh, you mean the damp ones here?

The ones you used to try
and plug the gap under the tent

and then spilled your tea on?

I can´t hop around in a sleeping
bag all of the weekend, Alan.

Don´t worry, Joyce.
Maureen will fix you up.

Maureen, dig out
some of your clothes for Joyce.

MAUREEN:
Where´s the suitcase?

-In the lounge!
-You´ve got a lounge?

Maureen wanted top of the range.

How much are you shelling out
per day?

For Maureen? God knows.
Come here.

I´ve booked us a bike ride
for Trevor´s birthday.

What?

I´ve hired three bikes,
got all the gear.

Trevor wants to do it.
He said he wants to get fit.

I´m not doing that.

Come on.
It´s just a bit of fun.

-I´m not dressed for it.
-[ Pounds ]

Maureen, dig out
a pair of my shorts for Alan!

-MAUREEN: Which ones?
-Lycra.

-I´m not wearing Lycra!
-All right, but shorts at least.

How far is it?

It´s a 5K trail
through the forest...

Well, 5K´s not too bad.

-...going ´round four times.
-What?

Come on, Alan.
It´s for charity.

All the money raised
is going to Age UK.

You´re basically investing
in your future.

-No, no.
-Alan,

if this is what he wants to do,
we have to back him up.

No one complained at your 65th.

We didn´t do anything
for my 65th.

And no one complained.

I don´t think
my knee can take it.

It was very painful last night,
with all the damp...

Come on, Alan.
Where´s your sense of adventure?

We´re part
of the active generation.

You know, me and you

are probably the only two
60-somethings in the country

that haven´t abseiled down
Mount Kilimanjaro for charity.

I suppose it´ll get us
off this bloody campsite.

Place is full of loonies.

-Moanin´!
-Morning.

Lovely day for it --
if you can get it, that is!

[ Laughs ]

Come on, dumpling.
Get a move on.

Don´t laugh.
This is the wife!

-Hee hee!
-Morning!

I can´t believe Trevor
actually likes this place.

-[ Sighs ] Only two more days.
-I´m not going to make it.

Be strong, Alan.

-CAROL: Morning!
-Nice here, isn´t it?

-Fantastic.
-Great place.

Fresh air, lovely...trees.

-WOMAN: Hi, Trevor!
-Oh! Hi! Morning!

-We love it, don´t we, Carol?
-It´s a home from home.

You know, this caravan --
20 years old.

Good story.

MAUREEN: John!

TREVOR: 20 years old today.

So, as well as my birthday,

-it´s our "vanniversary."
-[ Chuckles ]

But this is our last trip in it.
We´re selling up.

-She´s falling to bits.
-Yeah, well, I´m not surprised,

the pounding you were giving it
this morning.

I like to jump on the exercise
bike first thing in the morning.

That´s no way to talk
about Carol.

A few people from the site
are coming ´round for a barbecue

-to see her off.
-"People from the site"?

Oh. Friends of ours -- regulars.
They´ll all be bringing

something
they´ve cooked themselves.

-HARRY: Hi, Trevor.
-Hey, Harry! Good to see you!

-Probably roadkill.
-WOMAN: Be seeing you later!

Yes, well, um, I´ll take
these clothes to Joyce.

Then I´ll be back to get
some maps and helmets.

TREVOR: Oh, be a shame
to get rid of this old girl.

But time moves on.

We need to think about what
we´re going to replace her with.

Yeah.

I have seen
a couple of static caravans.

There´s an Atlas Jasmine Lodge
220 going for 10 grand.

But we need to act quick.

Those things get snapped up
super fast.

Like custard creams
in a care home!

-I bet.
-I´m going to get ready.

-Don´t let him buy another one.
-What?

I hate caravanning.

-I thought --
-I´ve been living a lie.

I can´t face towing
a horse box with a toilet

up and down the M5
for another 20 years.

He´s thinking
of getting a static.

What is a static?

A caravan that doesn´t move.

That´s a bungalow, isn´t it?

We´re gonna be stuck here
forever.

And you´ll be coming down here
to visit every year.

But why don´t you just tell him

that you don´t want to do it
anymore?

I can´t do that.
He´s been going on too long.

He´ll know I´ve been lying
to him all these years.

But I thought your new thing

was being open and honest
with each other?

Well, yeah, about our
physical and emotional needs,

not about caravans.

Um, what time are you back?

You´re all right
with the barbecue, aren´t you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You go and have fun.

You leave it to us.
We´ll muck in.

I´m getting used to roughing it.
I´ve already had to do

without my jojoba oil scalp
treatment this morning.

Right, well, come on.
We´re gonna miss the start.

Please.

What´s that on your head?

It´s a GoPro.
I´m filming the whole event.

-We can watch it later.
-Evidence for the coroner.

Hope you weren´t using that
last night with Carol, Trevor.

[ Chuckles ] We wouldn´t want to
watch that as a double bill.

Right, now they´ve gone,
we can relax.

-Do you want a Buck´s Fizz?
-Oh, it´s a bit early, isn´t it?

-It´s after 10:00, Carol.
-Not for me.

-[ Exhales sharply ]
-[ Fabric stretching ]

-How do I look?
-Great!

-I didn´t get much sleep.
-You wouldn´t know.

Joyce, you look
like you´re in pain.

They´re supposed to be tight.

Fashion´s painful, Joyce.

There´s a price to pay
for looking fabulous.

Look at Victoria Beckham. Why
do you think she never smiles?

She´s in constant agony, Joyce.

I´ll get you some talc.

You need free movement
if you´re doing the barbie.

Do you think I should have
invited Maureen and John

to the theatre last week?

For Trevor´s
first birthday treat?

[ Sighs ] Sorry, Carol.
You´ll have to speak up.

These trousers are so tight,
they´re blocking my ears.

It´s just, I didn´t really think
it would be her sort of thing.

I´ve been to the theatre
with her before,

and she just kept asking
if there was anyone in it

-from off the telly.
-Oh, don´t feel bad, Carol.

It´s just it´s more my thing
than it is Maureen´s.

-That´s all.
-Yeah.

She´s more into
fashion and beauty.

You don´t really care
about that stuff anymore.

Which actually makes you
even more beautiful.

Carol says you´re thinking
of getting a static?

Oh, well,
you can get a secondhand one

for about 15 grand.

If you get a good deal,
it´s a sound investment.

For a caravan with no wheels?

Stick these on your bikes, lads.

[ Snickering ]

[ Clears throat ]
Is this gear necessary?

It reduces drag, Alan.
You want to be streamlined.

Anything sticking out is just
going to slow your time down.

-[ Snickering continues ]
-What was that?

Nothing.

You never seen
a man in cycling shorts before?

Yeah. Look,
we´re all doing it for charity.

-It´s just a bit of fun.
-He´s sensitive about his body.

-I can handle myself.
-I wouldn´t in those shorts.

What´s this?
Hospital tag already?

It tells the organizers
which category you´re in.

We´re in "leisure riders."

Yeah, we´re in the, uh, advanced
group. It´s a different color.

If I was on my own,
I´d be in the advanced.

I thought
it was just a charity ride.

Well, obviously,
they´re timing everyone.

So it´s a race, as well.

You said
this wouldn´t be competitive.

It´s not competitive.

I just want to make sure we get
as good a time as we can.

We work together as a team, get
in each other´s slipstream...

It´s about pride, Alan --
pushing yourself to your limit.

We can win our group
if we ride together, as a team.

Now, are we going to do this?

-Yes!
-Well, come on!

Just waiting
for the rest of the party.

What?
Waiting for someone else?

Yes, friends of mine
from the site. Here they are.

-You´ll really get on.
-Moanin´ again!

Chris, J.J.,
this is John and Alan.

Now, Chris, be gentle with them.
They don´t own a van.

What?

[ As Bluebottle ]
Sapristi bompetts, Eccles!

[ As Eccles ] Oh!
Sapristi bompetts, Bluebottle!

[ Laughter ]

[ Normal voice ] We do a lot
of "The Goon Show" stuff.

Yes, many´s the night they´ve
sat ´round the fire pit,

conducting entire conversations
as Bluebottle and Eccles.

And people say there´s nothing
to do on a campsite at night.

JOYCE: [ Sighs ]

Why do we always get left
to do the cooking?

Oh, it´s the same
every time we come here.

Trevor goes off
doing some activity,

and I´m left to do the food.

It´s not a holiday, is it?

It´s outrageous, having to slave
over a hot stove all afternoon.

We´re always left
in the background, aren´t we?

Every woman on this campsite´s
the same,

looking after the chores while
the men go off and have fun.

We´re invisible.
That´s what it is.

Once you get to a certain age,

you just blend
into the background, don´t you?

That is not true, Carol.
We are not invisible.

Look at me.
I´m still hanging it out there.

On a campsite.

I´m going to get the
instructions for this awning.

She´s a bit down, isn´t she?
She needs a confidence boost.

[ In Swedish accent ]
Hello, ladies.

I´m Hawkan.
My tent is too close, no?

No, no. It´s fine. You´re not
from around here, are you?

-I´m Swedish.
-Ah.

If you need help with anything,
you let me know.

Do we just shout,

or is there some kind of horn
we have to blow to summon you?

See? Not invisible.

CHRIS:
Keep going, you daft lump.

Oh! Come on, Bradley Wiggins!
I´m running out of memory here!

[ Clatter ]

It´s okay!
There´s no lasting damage!

Dear -- Oh...

-We can´t ride with those two.
-What do you mean?

They´ll slow us down. It´s
survival of the fittest, Alan.

We shouldn´t be
in leisure riders.

I´m going to get us upgraded
to advanced.

Why is it so important
to come first?

I just want to do
the best we can.

Yeah, well, I´m not doing it.

I´m not going
into the advanced group.

Trevor won´t keep up.

It´s not fair on him, John. We
have to think about his health.

Guess what! Chris has got
a spare static caravan!

-We can come here every year!
-Brilliant!

Kill me now.

[ Ratcheting ]

CAROL:
We´re stuck with the barbecue.

I can´t get the oven going.

[ Sighs ] Didn´t Trevor say
there was a knack to it?

Trevor says a lot of things
about this caravan.

-Oh.
-MAUREEN: He´s Swedish.

We should have introduced
ourselves.

Hawkan, this is Carol,
this is Joyce,

and I´m Maureen,
the baby of the group.

-God dag.
-God dag.

[ Conversation in Swedish ]

I didn´t know you spoke Swedish.

Oh, I was a huge ABBA fan.

[ Singing "Waterloo"
in Swedish ]

-It´s like our national anthem.
-[ Giggles ]

Do you want some help with that?

They can be a bit tricky
to get started.

No thanks.
I´m okay.

That´s very kind of you, Hawkan.

We would love a little bit
of help, wouldn´t we, Carol?

[ Speaking Swedish ]

That´s yes.
[ Giggles ]

We need some small wood.

Oh, I think
we´re out of small wood.

I´ll gather some
from the forest.

-What do you think?
-He´s very friendly.

We don´t need any help.
We´re managing fine.

You´ve had a bag of charcoal
open for an hour,

and nothing´s lit yet.

CAROL: He´s very dashing.

I´d never be able to get Trevor
to chop wood.

Oh, this is ridiculous.

You´re both old enough
to be his mother.

Big sister.

We´re not flirting.
We´re just talking.

MAUREEN:
It´s a meeting of minds.

It´s a cultural exchange,

-isn´t it, Carol?
-Exactly.

-We´re very cultured people.
-We are.

Forgot my bag.

Just because some lump turns up

and starts flashing his triceps
at you.

Women of our age
should have a bit more dignity.

I like your leather pants.

Oh! Oh, thank you!
[ Giggles ]

It´s just something I threw on
earlier.

What?

[ Vangelis´ "Chariots of Fire --
Titles" plays ]

It´s an emotional thing,
saying goodbye to a caravan.

-Is it?
-Me and herself there

were gonna pop over last night,

help you say goodbye
to the old girl, but, um...

we saw you were busy.

You know what they say --

"If the van´s a-rockin´,
don´t come a-knockin´."

Our boy Julian´s doing
the same route as us today.

He´s up ahead there somewhere,
isn´t he, dumpling?

Yes, he´s in the advanced race.
He´s ever so fit.

Yeah, he takes after me. I might
not have a six-pack anymore,

but I do actually have
a huge anaerobic capacity.

It´s absolutely massive.

There was a mix-up
with the wristbands.

We´re in the advanced group.

Oh. Does that mean
we can´t ride together?

I´m afraid so, Trevor.

Well, unless we get
into the advanced group.

I wouldn´t want you to
change your plans.

And I´m not an advanced rider,
Chris.

No, of course not.

She Who Must Be Obeyed

throws a spanner in the works
once again.

Damn.

Well, I suppose
we better say goodbye, then.

We can meet up at the end,
though?

Yeah, okay.

[ As Eccles ]
Sapristi bompetts!

Sapristi bompetts. Yeah.

[ Barbecue sizzling ]

If you place the hickory
down here on the first level,

the smoke will infuse the meat.

Mmm, sounds delicious.

So, what is it
that you actually do, Hawkan,

apart from helping
with barbecues?

I´m a student. I´m staying
in England to study literature.

Oh, that´s interesting.

We were just talking
about books, weren´t we, Joyce?

I´m also a stonemason
and musician.

Traditional Scandinavian
folk music.

I could show you my tagelharpa
later.

It´s a musical instrument.
I made it myself.

Thank God for that.

-How long are you staying?
-I don´t think of time.

It´s part of the fabric
of the universe,

like space and gravity.

You can´t control it.

Useful for catching trains,
though.

And now that I´m single again,

there´s no reason
to go back to Sweden.

Oh, you split up
with your girlfriend?

Gunilla.

Is that her name,
or do you need a glass of water?

It was a very difficult time.
We were soul mates, really.

Maybe you´ll get back together
again.

We were planning her birthday.
It was a big one.

-Which one was it?
-60.

Years?

I´ve always been attracted
to older women.

Experience
is a powerful aphrodisiac.

That´s what Alan tells you,
isn´t it, Joyce?

[ Urinating ]

Hurry up, Trevor. We´ll start
getting lapped by people soon.

-Back me up here, John.
-Back you up on what?

If we let him buy that static,

we´ll be coming here
every weekend until we´re dead.

-What´s a static?
-Caravan with no wheels.

-That´s a bungalow, isn´t it?
-Exactly!

I mean, who has a spare caravan?
That guy Chris is clearly nuts.

This is a cult, John. We´ve got
to rescue Trevor from a cult.

-It´s just another caravan.
-Just another caravan?

That´s like saying
to a drug addict,

"Oh, it´s just
another crack pipe."

He´s reached 65. He´s
going to blow his pension pot.

We´ve got to stop him doing it.

Trevor won´t spend the money.
He´s too cautious.

He takes out insurance
on his insurance.

He´s different
when he´s up here.

It´s like he´s gone native.

Get out of the road, twat!

-Hey, that was uncalled for!
-Very!

Come back
and say that to my face!

-[ Clears throat ]
-Shit.

He´s bluffing.

-He´s not bluffing.
-I think he is.

I think he isn´t.

-Let´s go.
-What about Trevor?

They won´t touch him. He´s got
a CCTV camera on his head.

Oi! Come here!

[ Whimpers ]

These are just some impressions
of the surrounding woodland.

And then I screen-print them
onto tea towels.

They´re very good.

I try to combine art and camping
as much as I can.

-It´s a bit difficult, though.
-You know

there´s a folk and craft
festival on in the village?

Oh, I´d love to go
to more festivals with Trevor,

but he´s not good with mud.

It rained for a whole week
in Bournemouth last year,

and he got trench foot.

Very mildly. But it
was still upsetting for him.

I´ve traveled a lot.

Me and Gunilla saw many
incredible things together.

The sunset over the great temple
at Angkor Wat in Cambodia.

Wolves on the Athabasca Glacier
in Canada.

-Oh!
-One time,

we even rode with
the wild horses of the Camargue.

Trevor´s allergic to horsehair.

[ Thunder rumbles ]

It´s all very well
offering to help,

but he´s not doing much, is he?

He´s a free spirit, Joyce.
A wandering craftsman.

Carol seems to be getting on
all right with him anyway.

It´s good for her
to have someone to talk to

about her art.

We´re never going to be enough
for her, are we?

I suppose not.

I mean, I´m not exactly
a culture vulture.

Nor am I.
To be quite honest with you,

I didn´t enjoy her theatre trip
last week.

-What theatre trip?
-You know, for...

For Trevor.
For his birthday.

-When was that?
-Um...last Thursday.

-I think you were busy.
-I wasn´t busy last Thursday.

-You´re always busy.
-Not last Thursday.

-Why didn´t she ask me?
-Well [exhales sharply]

Perhaps she thought
you wouldn´t like the theatre.

You said yourself
you´re not a culture vulture.

She knows I love culture.

I went with her to the cinema
to see "Mamma Mia!"

Yeah, but she wanted to go
to the theatre.

I´ve been to the theatre.

I went to the theatre 12 times
last year.

-What did you see?
-"Mamma Mia!"

[ Sighs ]
Look, just don´t tell Carol.

I won´t say anything.
I know how to behave.

[ Door opens ]

Hawkan says there´s a folk-music
festival on in the village.

Shall we go later?

I don´t know
if I´d understand it, Carol.

-What do you mean?
-I suppose I´d be all right,

as long as it wasn´t
in a theatre.

She dragged it out of me.

TREVOR: Where are we?

[ Brakes squeal ]

It´s fine.
We´re here on the GPS.

We keep in this direction, and
we´re back on the race route.

I don´t recognize this.

Hang on. This is a map of Dubai.
I forgot to reset it.

-[ Rustling ]
-What was that?

Probably a camel.

Trevor, I don´t think
you should buy Chris´ caravan.

-Why not?
-Well...

-Has Carol said something?
-No.

She´ll be wanting
a brand-new one, I expect.

She loves camping.

She´ll want to invest properly
in the next 20 years.

It´s not that.
It´s just that...

Well, I don´t think
it´s right for you.

Ah. I understand, Al.
Don´t worry.

It´s because I´m a big noise
up here, isn´t it?

-What?
-You know,

I wouldn´t abandon you.

I mean, just because
I´m incredibly popular

on the site with these guys

doesn´t mean to say
I won´t still see you.

This is a cult, Trevor.
You´ve been sucked into a cult.

It´s Scientology on wheels.

TREVOR: Now,
just hold on a minute, Alan.

I like spending my leisure time
caravanning.

What´s wrong with that?

There are thousands of people
like me all over the country.

-All over the world.
-Who´s side are you on?

I don´t mind admitting to that.
I´m passionate about caravans.

There, I´ve said it!

My name is Trevor,
and I like caravans.

What do you like?

What do I like?

You´ve done nothing but moan all
day about caravans and cycling.

But at least we´ve got
something we´re interested in.

-What have you got?
-Yeah. What are your hobbies?

-I´ve got hobbies.
-What are they?

I like walking.

That´s not a hobby.
That´s just moving around.

You don´t do anything.

At least
we´ve got something we love.

Trevor loves caravans. I don´t
get it, but I respect it.

Thank you, John.

Yes, it´s full of weirdos
and geeks, but that´s fine.

Okay, thank you.

You don´t know how to spend
your leisure time,

and you´re taking
your frustrations out on us.

I know how to spend
my leisure time.

-What did you do at the weekend?
-Took Joyce to the shops.

-Weekend before that?
-Took Joyce to the shops.

-Weekend before?
-I did the gardening.

And then?

Took Joyce to the shops.

You´re a taxi driver.
That´s not a hobby.

You want to get
a hobby of your own

and stop interfering with ours!

He needed to be told.

There we are, back on track.

It was just a mix-up.
That´s all.

I just didn´t think
you´d be that interested.

It was boring, anyway!

Was it?

No. Not -- Not boring.
Long.

Never judge a book by its cover,
Carol.

Just because
someone is glamorous

does not mean to say they
can´t be intellectual, as well.

-Maureen...
-Oh, it´s true, Hawkan.

I get it all the time.

I can´t believe
you guys are still arguing.

-We´re not arguing, are we?
-No, we´re not arguing.

-We´re just talking.
-Loudly.

Then what is the problem?

You must not worry what
everyone else thinks about you.

Remember, experience brings
independence and confidence,

and confidence
is what makes us beautiful.

Oh, that´s true.
Confidence is important.

-And hairspray.
-Obviously.

Maureen, you´re a dazzling woman

with many
hidden intellectual aspects.

See?

Carol, you´re
an amazingly cultural person

-with a beautiful artistic soul.
-Oh...

And, Joyce...

[Barbecue sizzling]

...you´re really good
at preparing meat.

If you can´t control your bikes,

then you shouldn´t be
in the event.

JOHN:
We were controlling our bikes.

You were in the middle
of the bloody path.

You could have caused
an accident.

-[ Air hissing ]
-All right.

-Let´s not get confrontational.
-Look, it´s not a social event.

It´s for serious cyclists.

ALAN:
They are serious cyclists.

I know
you take your cycling seriously,

and my friends take it
seriously, too, but I don´t.

So blame me.
I can´t see the point of it.

I feel ludicrous enough
just being 68 years old

without drawing attention
to myself

by dressing up
as a bruised banana

and riding around on a bicycle.

I know that´s not
a very positive attitude,

but as my friends
have rightly pointed out,

I´m a man without any interests,

a mean-spirited, shriveled-up
husk of a human being.

Quite frankly,
sometimes I wonder

why I´m still drawing breath.

So just for me,
can we all calm down

and get this ordeal over with
as quickly as possible?

[ Tagelharpa playing ]

-Bravo.
-[ Clears throat ]

More.
That was mesmerizing.

You are too kind.

It´s called a tagelharpa.
It is our national instrument.

We´re learning a lot today,
aren´t we?

Now, ladies,
is another very special liquor.

It´s strong.
Some say it is an aphrodisiac.

-MAUREEN: Ooh!
-HAWKAN: [ Chuckles ]

-Skal!
-Bottoms up!

Oh!

Mmm.

This reminds me of Gunilla.

Here we go.

He´s just sounding off, Joyce.

He´s looking
for a mother figure.

That makes me feel a lot better.

Why do women leave?

Did you play her
much tegelharpa?

[ Birds chirping ]

I suppose we better
just let him get on with it.

-Carol won´t like it.
-JOHN: You can´t interfere

with the internal workings
of a marriage, Alan.

It´s an organic thing.

It´s budding and blossoming
all the time.

The static caravan
is just one of those buds.

It´ll blossom, make Carol feel
miserable for a bit,

and it´ll shrivel up again when
they flog it after six months

because
she´s bent his earhole back.

-He´ll be happy while it lasts.
-Oh, exactly!

-Hello.
-How did you get on with Chris?

Oh, it was lovely.

Yes, we´re so lucky to be able
to spend time together,

doing these amazing things.

Well, he´s a special guy,
isn´t he?

Julian didn´t do so well,
though. He got a puncture.

Actually, his friend
got a puncture, too.

-Really?
-That´s very unlucky.

Looks like you had fun, though.

Trevor´s just showing Chris
the video now.

TREVOR: Just some guys
we had a run-in with.

-Oh, that´s Julian.
-What, your Julian?

Small world.

Hang on.

[ Chris Isaak´s "Baby Did
a Bad Bad Thing" plays ]

♫ Baby did a bad, bad thing ♫

♫ Baby did a bad, bad thing ♫

♫ Baby did a bad, bad thing ♫

So, we´re all going
to the folk festival tomorrow.

-Why not?
-Just us girls.

Ladies...I must leave you.

I have to use the lavatory.

Maureen,
can I use your facilities?

-´Course you can.
-Thank you.

You are very kind woman.
You are all very kind.

And I hope
my meat is to your liking.

What a nice man.

What meat is he talking about?

The barbecue!

[ Sizzling ]

TREVOR: Are you sure
you won´t reconsider?

I am not handing over
a static treasure

like the Mirage 250 S class
to just anybody.

But that was Alan!

-I had no ide--
-I´m sorry, Trevor.

I always stand by the old saying

"By a man´s friends
shall ye judge him."

ALAN:
That´s not a saying.

He makes up sayings
all the time.

All the time.

He´s driving me mad.

-Trevor!
-Trevor!

Oh! Hi, guys!

Hope you´re hungry!

I don´t know why you always make
such a fuss about a barbecue.

It´s a doddle.

[ ABBA´s "Mamma Mia" playing ]

Hey, careful. When the van´s
a-rocking, don´t go a-knocking.

[ Chuckles softly ]

I didn´t know they were related.

-♫ ...at me now... ♫
-[ Both giggling ]

Close the door! You´re letting
all the Swedishness out!

[ Laughs ]

-♫ But I suddenly lose control ♫
-I´ve got some bad news.

-[ Music stops ]
-I was thinking of replacing

the caravan
with Chris´ old static,

but I don´t think
that´s going to happen.

Oh, that´s a shame.

But I think I´ve got a deal
on another one.

-No.
-I-I remember

there was a Cosalt Sandhurst
Super 35 in excellent condition.

-No!
-What?

I don´t want
a Sandhurst Super 35

or a-a Bella Vista CK20
or anything else!

I am sick and tired
of coming down here

and listening to you
and your boring friends going on

about dimensions and decking
and tow ratios!

I don´t want to sit
outside a stupid static caravan

until I die in my chair
and have to be carted off

by the man who does
the maintenance contract!

I want to stand on glaciers
with wolves, Trevor!

[ Breathes deeply ]

I want to live!

I want to live, too!

I want to live!

[ Thud ]

I want to live!

I want to live!

Dumpling?
Where you going?

I´m going to find a glacier to
stand on, you boring old fart!

And stop calling me "dumpling"!

Listen, next year,
we can go to Glastonbury.

-Or La Tomatina!
-La what?

It´s a tomato festival in Spain.

Hawkan´s been telling me
about it.

Who´s Hawkan?

The Swedish guy who´s been
helping us with the barbecue.

Hawkan´s tent´s gone.

JOHN:
Where´s the Winnebago?

MAUREEN: It was here a minute
ago. Hawkan was in it.

The Swedish guy?

What´s a Swedish guy
doing in the Winny?

He wanted to use the toilet.

You wouldn´t let me
use the toilet.

-♫ Ahhhh, ahhhh ♫
-♫ Bom, bom, bom bom bom bom ♫

Wouldn´t have happened
with a static.

♫ Every woman, every man ♫

♫ Join the caravan of love ♫

-♫ Stand up ♫
-♫ Stand up ♫

♫ Stand up ♫

♫ Everybody take a stand ♫

♫ Join the caravan of love ♫

-♫ Stand up ♫
-♫ Stand up ♫

♫ Stand up ♫

-♫ I´m your broth-e-e-er ♫
-♫ Bom, bom, bom bom bom bom ♫

♫ I´m your brother,
don´t you know? ♫

♫ Bom bom bom bom ♫

-♫ She´s my sist-e-er ♫
-♫ Bom, bom, bom bom bom bom ♫