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New challengers approaching!
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- You think she knows that's a flare gun?
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- No, not a chance.
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- She ready for this? - No way.
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But if we tell her not to enter, she absolutely will.
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- That reminds me of someone.
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You. It reminds me of you.
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- Yes, dummy, I know.
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- Fuck. Holy men.
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- Oh, god.
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- Hey, motherfucker, I remember you.
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Relax.
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I'm not trying to lose this tournament before it starts.
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You're the guy who fought Preacher Jedidiah
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at last year's gathering.
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You wanted to fuck that orange car so bad
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you killed him over it.
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- I'm sorry, you wanted to fuck Evelyn?
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- No. And I didn't kill your leader.
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He caused the explosion, not me.
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- Oh, yeah? Well, why don't we ask him?
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Brenjamin, bring forth our lord Preacher.
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- Preacher? - He's alive?
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- Whose baby is this?
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- Oh, this isn't just some baby.
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No. This horny little fucker right here
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is our preacher,
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his immortal soul reborn
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into tiny flesh.
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Our father would never leave us.
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- Father never leaves. He just changes.
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Tell 'em, Deacon.
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- We waited many long months.
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And then one day, our preacher returned to us.
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- He was in a tree. - Like a squirrel?
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- I'm not gonna lie.
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This little fucker is kind of cute.
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- Don't get those fingers too close.
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He will bite them clean off.
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- Shut up!
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Who could be scared of--
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- Hey.
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- Hey.
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You freed me from Zemu.
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Good looking out.
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- Yeah.
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Seemed like the chill thing to do.
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So, how are you doing?
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With freedom.
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- Freedom.
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Maybe one day.
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- Still drinking gasoline. Interesting.
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- But I do owe you one.
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- Oh, it's okay. - Just one.
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After that, I'll flatten you with my tires,
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just like everyone else.
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- Well, unfortunately for you,
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I'm not just like everyone else.
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New challenger approaching!
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- I can't believe we're finally here.
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The tournament!
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Do you think I might get the chance
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to cut someone's head off?
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I've been sort of wanting to try that.
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- There is nothing I want more for you, Stu.
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Oh, hey, look, it's our OG fan club.
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I told you this would be the social event of the season.
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We should go say hi before we murder them for sport.
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- You go ahead.
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Those two are douchebags anyway.
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I need to prepare for my next killing spree.
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- Oh, Stu, you're going to make me cry.
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Do me a favor.
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Make sure Harold doesn't pull the pin early.
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He's got an itchy trigger finger.
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- Lactation is very rare in men,
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but Brenjamin here has been blessed
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with the nips of a mother.
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Fucking wine corks.
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- I'm an unholy miracle.
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- Oh, if it isn't my two favorite critics!
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- No, no--
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Hi, Sweet Tooth.
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- So, what are you crazy kids doing here?
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You come to cheer me on?
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- Oh, uh, not exactly.
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- Aww.
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Hey, you know, I tried to kill this guy one time.
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- So did he.
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This time he'll finish the job.
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Brenjamin, time to put down preacher.
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Then we'll put you down.
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- Hey, you need any help with that little fucker,
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hit me up. I've already killed one baby.
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So what have you two crazy kids been up to?
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Tell me everything.
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- Take a picture. It'll last longer.
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- Sorry. I was just admiring your... hat?
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- You're joining the tournament?
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You wouldn't last a day in the Florida swamplands.
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The mosquitos would eat you alive.
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- You're right.
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You know what? I shouldn't be here.
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Everyone's really scary, especially you.
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- You're smart to fear me,
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because those who cross Vermin
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don't live to tell the tale.
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You're terrifying.
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You know, I don't care what that guy Deacon says.
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- What did he say?
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- Oh, just that you're not a real competitor.
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All bark, no bite. Stupid stuff.
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- Son of a bitch.
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- He also said something about you being a bug fucker.
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- Come on! That was one time!
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I put ants in my pants,
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and it's not my fault that it felt good.
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I did it for a joke.
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Where's that fucker?
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Okay, dickhead! Hey!
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What the fuck are you saying...
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- Excuse me. Would you like to know
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who had some very specific opinions
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about your eyepatch?
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- The clown said that?
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Those exact words?
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- Swear to God. Or not God. The devil?
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I don't know. whoever you swear to.
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For what it's worth,
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I don't think the Holy Men have gone so soft.
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- Soft?!
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Why, because I am an incredibly attentive father figure?
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I'll show him.
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The only thing more powerful than big ass guns
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is a daddy's love.
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- Watch where you're going, you dipshit,
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or, uh, I'll have to rip your balls off
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and shove them up your nose.
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- Stu?
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- Mike?
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I thought you were dead!
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- Oh my God.
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Are you real, or am I tripping?
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I knew I shouldn't have foraged for mushies at night.
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- I'm very real, man.
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- Dude, if I knew you were alive,
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I would have-- - Hey, Michael.
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Hammerhead is locked and loaded.
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Hey, guy. That's a nice headband.
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It actually brings out your eyes.
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- Thanks? - Yeah.
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- Stu, this is my new homie Dave.
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- Yeah. - Dave, this is Stu.
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- No way!
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This is your old compadre, Big Stu.
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- Or just Stu.
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- You know, your reputation precedes you.
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I mean, I've heard so much about you
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because of... - Yeah.
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- Oh, awesome. - Yeah.
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- Cool. How did you meet this guy?
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- Well, after Sweet Tooth attacked us,
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I was messed up bad, man.
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So I rolled over in the fire to cauterize the gash.
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- Let me help. Let me help. - On my back.
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- Let me help. - Thank you, Dave. thank you.
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- Oh, god.
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- And next thing I know, I got found by some Butchers.
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And get this,
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Dave here was one of the Butchers.
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Crazy, right?
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What a twist. - Oh, yeah.
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- Seriously. I mean, we were
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fattening him up for a barbecue.
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Then Mike just kind of flipped the script on me.
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He told me, um,
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a man who eats man
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is no man at all.
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He's a regular Bill Shakespeare, right?
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- Yeah. - But seriously,
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from that day forward, I vowed
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I would never let any man meat touch these lips.
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- Well, I'm just happy to meet my good pal Mike.
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- Hey, Stu, so am I, okay?
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I would've missed out on a pretty damn good friendship.
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- 'Cause you would have eaten him.
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- Yeah, yeah, yeah, I would've eaten him.
188
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- Yeah.
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- So I saw your ass get dragged off the beach, man.
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I thought you were burnt toast.
191
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How the hell did you get away from Sweet Tooth?
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- Oh, super crazy story. I, uh--
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Stu, Oh, my God,
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there are so many cool people here to kill.
195
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There's a human-car hybrid over there.
196
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I think he's on 'roids. - You're still with him?
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- I can explain it.
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- Hey, didn't I cut you in half? I never forget a victim.
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- You did. But you didn't finish the job.
200
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- Could you not tell anybody about that?
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I mean, attempted murder is kind of a bad look for me.
202
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- Congratulations
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on creating the perfect little minion
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to do your bidding.
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- W-wait a minute. That's not what this is.
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We're partners, equals.
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- Yeah, no, we're not.
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- As a matter of fact,
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yesterday I massacred a roomful of random people
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all by myself.
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- And you're proud of that?
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You left me for dead
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so that you could find out how to murder better?
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- Yeah, about sums it up. - No--
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- Okay, Yeah. Come on, Dave.
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We got a tournament to win.
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- I'll be right there, Mike.
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- Keep your head on a swivel!
219
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- Look, he's just got to cool off.
220
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It'll be fine.
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just remember, the road to self-discovery
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is a long and arduous one.
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Hey, one love.
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I also love that mask.
225
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It's really cheery.
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And I think I'm looking at a dental ad.
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It's nice.
228
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- Oh, man, that Dave guy's
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got a real nice way about him, huh?
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Fit, too. You can tell he really watches what he--
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Eats.
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- This motherfucker.
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- That asshole killed Jeremy and Ashley.
234
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- Grimm! How the hell did you get out?
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I threw away the key.
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- I got a special invitation.
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And that's Mr. Grimm to you, Marcus!
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- You know that's not my name!
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- Oh, you're still in so much pain.
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Don't worry,
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soon you'll be free.
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And your soul will be with us.
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- Marcus, huh?
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What is that, Germanic?
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- Okay.
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There's a lot of stone cold killers here.
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We've got to stick to the plan.
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What do we do about Axel?
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- I don't know. Maybe get him a damn shirt.
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- I don't think he'll be a problem.
251
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- We should avoid Sweet Tooth, because he's fucking bonkers.
252
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- The motorcycle guy will keep him busy.
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They got a history. - Really?
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What else did you find out? - Oh, plenty.
255
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That's Billy Ray Stillwell, a.k.a. the Junkyard Dog.
256
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Dangerous for sure, but dumber than a box of assholes.
257
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You really just got to watch out
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for that spiked metal ball catapult thing.
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The human cum sock is Chuckie Floop.
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I heard he's the sickest driver in the country,
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but I know poser when I see one.
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Who I'm real worried about is Death Warrant,
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bounty hunter from Dallas.
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Heard he takes scalps
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and weaves the hair of his victims
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into his own mane.
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00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:36,110
- That's a lot of hair.
268
00:13:36,210 --> 00:13:38,010
- Yeah, he's covering a bald spot.
269
00:13:38,110 --> 00:13:40,180
He's very sensitive about it.
270
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:41,720
I think we're going to tear this shit up.
271
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:43,150
- Fuck yeah.
272
00:13:43,250 --> 00:13:44,720
And if the party gets a little rowdy,
273
00:13:44,820 --> 00:13:47,660
I can always hit that EMP.
274
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,020
- Solid recon.
275
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,190
That's really going to help us.
276
00:13:50,290 --> 00:13:54,030
- Help you? Bitch, I'm here to get my own wish.
277
00:13:54,130 --> 00:13:55,860
Besides, no amount of intel is going to help
278
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,900
with Roadkill's janky turn radius.
279
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,900
- What's wrong with our turn radius?
280
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,300
- Good luck out there!
281
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:04,110
- Calm down. She's just fucking with you.
282
00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:05,370
I know that.
283
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:12,410
- So you think you can spread lies about me,
284
00:14:12,510 --> 00:14:13,580
you little punk?
285
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:16,050
- Stu's the one who called you a loser with a micro penis,
286
00:14:16,150 --> 00:14:19,490
not me. - I am not a loser!
287
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:25,460
Whatever.
288
00:14:27,060 --> 00:14:28,530
I'll see you soon enough.
289
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,640
- Eat shit.
290
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:40,110
What a douche. May-- - Look, I like you guys and all,
291
00:14:40,210 --> 00:14:41,680
but I'm not interested in an alliance.
292
00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:43,010
- Yeah, no, I get that.
293
00:14:43,110 --> 00:14:44,780
But why are you making yourself a target?
294
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:46,750
- I'm getting inside their heads.
295
00:14:46,850 --> 00:14:47,950
It's mind games 101.
296
00:14:48,050 --> 00:14:48,950
- Do you understand
297
00:14:49,050 --> 00:14:50,190
how dangerous this is going to be?
298
00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:51,850
- I can handle this, Quiet.
299
00:14:51,950 --> 00:14:54,320
- If you go out there, you're on your own.
300
00:14:54,420 --> 00:14:56,960
We all are.
301
00:14:57,060 --> 00:15:00,230
- Wow. Way to be overdramatic.
302
00:15:00,330 --> 00:15:02,260
I'll keep the finish line warm for you.
303
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,170
New challenger approaching!
304
00:15:23,420 --> 00:15:24,890
- John?
305
00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:27,120
Interesting.
306
00:15:27,220 --> 00:15:28,790
- What the hell are you doing here?
307
00:15:28,890 --> 00:15:29,890
That should be obvious.
308
00:15:29,990 --> 00:15:31,330
But what I can't figure out
309
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:33,830
is why you fought so hard to escape me
310
00:15:33,930 --> 00:15:35,400
only to end up here anyway.
311
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:38,730
Do you even see how annoying that is?
312
00:15:41,870 --> 00:15:44,740
Oh.
313
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:48,580
Okay. So the sex is that good, huh?
314
00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:50,010
I can respect that.
315
00:15:50,110 --> 00:15:52,880
Just know once we get out there,
316
00:15:52,980 --> 00:15:55,250
I'm going to be the one doing the fucking.
317
00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:59,350
- Hmm, Hot Topic brought a fancy car.
318
00:15:59,450 --> 00:16:01,860
Do you know how to drive that thing?
319
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,530
- Fuck around and find out.
320
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:06,900
Toodles.
321
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,100
- That's a different Raven, right?
322
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:10,730
- There's a bunch of them.
323
00:16:10,830 --> 00:16:13,030
This one, She's the boss.
324
00:16:13,130 --> 00:16:14,270
- Are they all hot?
325
00:16:14,370 --> 00:16:16,400
- Yeah. It's like "Gremlins."
326
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:25,850
Calypso.
327
00:16:32,250 --> 00:16:34,290
- You gotta admire the showmanship.
328
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:38,590
- We're really gonna wait for this door
329
00:16:38,690 --> 00:16:39,790
to open all the way?
330
00:16:39,890 --> 00:16:41,730
- Just shh. He's building tension.
331
00:16:49,270 --> 00:16:50,640
Yeah this is taking forever.
332
00:17:19,070 --> 00:17:22,770
- Ladies, gentlemen,
333
00:17:22,870 --> 00:17:25,670
welcome to my contest.
334
00:17:25,770 --> 00:17:28,610
Well, almost.
335
00:17:31,410 --> 00:17:33,380
You're not in it quite yet.
336
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:37,820
First, you must survive a qualifying round.
337
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:39,820
- Yo, dude!
338
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:44,230
- Not really taking questions yet, but go ahead.
339
00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:46,190
- So, what are the rules?
340
00:17:46,290 --> 00:17:48,860
I feel like some of us are wondering.
341
00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:53,200
- I was just about to get to that, Mr. Floop,
342
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:55,840
if you'd just waited one second.
343
00:17:55,940 --> 00:17:57,570
It's okay. It's okay.
344
00:17:57,670 --> 00:17:59,340
Nevermind.
345
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:01,340
The rules of the qualifier
346
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:05,080
are as simple as one, two, three.
347
00:18:05,180 --> 00:18:07,880
One, grab a package.
348
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:13,520
Two, deliver it to Tournament city.
349
00:18:13,620 --> 00:18:16,120
- Delivering packages? We got this in the bag.
350
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:18,660
- And three,
351
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:20,700
don't die.
352
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:25,030
The drivers who successfully deliver my packages intact
353
00:18:25,130 --> 00:18:27,540
will move on to the next round.
354
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:32,170
Prepare for battle in ten, nine...
355
00:18:34,310 --> 00:18:37,010
- Stu, go! - Eight.
356
00:18:37,110 --> 00:18:39,080
Seven.
357
00:18:39,180 --> 00:18:41,350
- Whoo! - Six.
358
00:18:41,450 --> 00:18:43,650
- Go, go, go, go, go! - Come on, now.
359
00:18:43,750 --> 00:18:45,190
Five.
360
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:48,420
Four.
361
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:53,560
Three.
362
00:18:53,660 --> 00:18:54,960
Two.
363
00:18:55,060 --> 00:18:56,060
- You were right.
364
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:57,930
This guy does know how to put on a show.
365
00:18:58,030 --> 00:18:59,500
- One.
366
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:02,570
- Let's rock!
367
00:19:51,850 --> 00:19:53,590
- You sure you're not worried about the kid?
368
00:19:53,690 --> 00:19:55,260
- Oh, I'm sure.
369
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,430
She's not going anywhere without this.
370
00:19:57,530 --> 00:20:01,100
- No! No, now now! Come on!
371
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,360
Shit.
372
00:20:18,580 --> 00:20:20,120
- Grimm at 12 o'clock.
373
00:20:27,790 --> 00:20:29,960
I've been waiting minutes to do this.
374
00:20:42,140 --> 00:20:45,310
Damn it! Come on!
375
00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:47,980
Ah, you're not getting away that easy.
376
00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:53,010
- Oh, peekaboo, I see you!
377
00:20:53,110 --> 00:20:55,180
- Brenjamin, protect the God-child.
378
00:21:02,690 --> 00:21:03,860
- Holy shit!
379
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:09,700
- Get some!
380
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:12,930
Get some!
381
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:16,640
Yeah!
382
00:21:19,540 --> 00:21:23,180
- Ha! Nice shot, Harold!
383
00:21:28,420 --> 00:21:30,720
- I'm gonna enjoy this, Milkman.
384
00:21:51,910 --> 00:21:54,040
Damn it!
385
00:21:54,140 --> 00:21:55,510
- God, that felt good!
386
00:21:55,610 --> 00:21:56,380
- You know, your butt looks really good
387
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:57,410
when you're shooting.
388
00:22:09,890 --> 00:22:12,090
- Game over.
389
00:22:25,470 --> 00:22:27,080
- I think he's tracking us.
390
00:22:27,180 --> 00:22:28,640
Oh, shit!
391
00:22:28,740 --> 00:22:30,250
The little green light turned yellow.
392
00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:31,280
What do we do? - I don't know.
393
00:22:31,380 --> 00:22:33,280
Not let it get red.
394
00:22:33,380 --> 00:22:34,280
- Step on it.
395
00:22:34,380 --> 00:22:35,780
- Let's hope it doesn't get carsick.
396
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:38,450
- Spread out!
397
00:22:38,550 --> 00:22:40,390
One of those heckin' bombs could take us all down.
398
00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:48,830
- Fuck this.
399
00:22:53,370 --> 00:22:54,640
- Now that's how I want to go,
400
00:22:54,740 --> 00:22:56,570
earth shattering explosion.
401
00:22:56,670 --> 00:22:58,810
And if I take Grimm with me, even better.
402
00:22:58,910 --> 00:23:00,840
- I actually don't wanna die in a big explosion.
403
00:23:00,940 --> 00:23:02,640
Maybe we should get to the city and then kill him there.
404
00:23:02,740 --> 00:23:06,080
- No! We kill him now!
405
00:23:06,180 --> 00:23:07,780
- Fine. Let me take the wheel.
406
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,620
You can get a clean shot at him, partner.
407
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,450
- Stuby-dooby-doo,
408
00:23:12,550 --> 00:23:14,790
that is a great idea.
409
00:23:18,990 --> 00:23:21,060
I got a grenade with your name on it.
410
00:23:22,460 --> 00:23:25,030
No! What are you doing?!
411
00:23:25,130 --> 00:23:27,170
- Fuck Grimm! We'll get him in the next round.
412
00:23:27,270 --> 00:23:28,870
- Stu!
413
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,090
- Hey! What the fuck?!
414
00:23:45,190 --> 00:23:45,950
Shit!
415
00:23:48,060 --> 00:23:49,090
Gotcha.
416
00:23:54,030 --> 00:23:56,200
Whoo!
417
00:23:56,300 --> 00:23:57,330
- Fuck!
418
00:24:03,670 --> 00:24:05,540
- Ow! My fucking face.
419
00:24:08,340 --> 00:24:09,340
- Fuck.
420
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:10,350
The kid!
421
00:24:10,450 --> 00:24:11,250
- Shit.
422
00:24:13,650 --> 00:24:17,090
- Shit, I was-- fuck!
423
00:24:19,750 --> 00:24:21,590
- We have to keep our eye on the prize, right?
424
00:24:21,690 --> 00:24:23,690
Right?! - Right.
425
00:24:23,790 --> 00:24:25,330
I can't go back for her.
426
00:24:41,010 --> 00:24:42,340
- Turn around.
427
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:43,750
- What? John, no!
428
00:24:43,850 --> 00:24:45,950
- Move over, goddammit, we're wasting time! Come on!
29177
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