Original subtitles

Previously on Picket Fence.

I can't believe you did this.

It's my hair.

You're not a blonde.

It's my hair, and I'll do what I want with it.

You didn't even have the courtesy to tell me.

Whatever I can legally do to get my client off, I do it.

What's happened to you?

What you did in that courtroom just now was without honor.

I can no longer call you my friend.

Everyone thinks I broke up with Max because of her hair like it's some big

Ha ha.

Had nothing to do with the hair.

She didn't respect me.

Before Kenny and I got involved, we were best friends. Now we can't stand the

sight of each other.

What happened?

I'm not prepared to die alone.

You're not going to die, Henry.

You're a stubborn son of a bitch, Douglas Wambaugh.

And you're my friend.

Now get out before I have another heart attack.

Zachary, get out.

I came to invite you to my birthday party.

It's night, 7 o 'clock, no gifts.

Mustard chicken, chocolate cake, vanilla ice cream.

Why do you want me to come to your birthday party?

I like you.

And you shouldn't take it for granted that old people will be around forever.

So I'm inviting you this year while you're still alive.

He's delivering invitations.

I told him no more than four.

I hate birthdays on weekdays.

Why?

Joey's out today. I got a call for him.

Stupid first season isn't going to end.

Half my patients won't take antibiotics because of the homeopathic gurus.

Then the parents blame me when their kids keep hacking up lung biscuits.

That's right, just tune it out. Just walk in there with that big Demi Brock,

well, it's me, sign, tell everybody your wife woke up a bit.

Anything the matter? I want my housekeeper, that's what's the matter.

be super mom, medicine woman here and there? The mayor!

I still have to do these dishes, dishes, dishes. They never get done, do they?

Oh, look, here's one that's done.

There, that one's done.

His hair is green.

Did I pick a bad day to do this?

For Zach, for his birthday.

This is your gift?

You don't always have to buy something, Mom.

Nobody busted the little drummer boy when he played his drum for Jesus.

He didn't bring any gift.

You did that to your head so you could be the little drummer boy?

Dad, tell her.

At least give me one of these.

You want us to come?

Yet, no gifts. Your presents will be your present.

Oh, I'd prefer if you wouldn't change your hairstyle.

And things would probably go smoother if you wouldn't try to kiss my sister.

And my father won't fart. He gave me his word.

Ah.

Again? Ah.

Looked fine.

They hurt.

You don't even have tonsils, Doug. How could they hurt?

Well, they do.

Oh, it even hurts when I do this. Then don't do that. You're just fine.

Things can't lay dormant, Jill.

How could a person have multiple sclerosis and no symptoms?

Doug.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I wonder.

The Grim Reaper.

Suppose he looks like me. He could look like me.

I could look in the mirror, look right at him, and not even know it. Tell you

what. Open your mouth, say, ah.

If you see tonsils, it's probably the Reaper.

Nick, go.

This is not a sympathetic doctor.

What do you mean, the change?

You know what I mean.

The change.

She's 43. She's not going through menopause. Shh.

Honey. Dad.

She wakes up sweating. She has mood swings.

It's been going on for a week.

This morning, she broke a dish.

She wants a housekeeper.

Kimberly, I know your mother. This is not her. She is going through the

You've got to do something.

Me? What about you? You're her husband.

I will talk to her. I will. But she's going to need...

She's going to need a lot of emotional support. Now, believe it or not, you

a lot of power with her.

What's going on?

Get out.

Little things bother her.

Now, the first thing, we've got to get her through this birthday party.

It doesn't look like you dropped it.

Well, I did.

What, you think I picked it up and threw it?

Well, that seems to be a possibility, yes.

Don't you look at me like that.

Mom, you just smashed Zach's birthday cake against a wall. Exactly how should

look at you?

Fine, Kimberly, take his side.

I'm not your biological mother. Why should you support me? What?

Juliet, please help me clean this up.

What?

Next you're going to be saying this is menopause. This isn't menopause. I'm 43.

What's the matter with you?

Any excuse to hang a stigma on me and you two just leap on it.

Menopause? But I'll tell you what. I'll take a housekeeper with menopause. One

-legged even.

Anything.

What?

Oh.

Hi.

appreciate you doing the rush on it, Joey. Thank you so much.

Okay, bye.

I don't have menopause.

Thank you.

Thank you, God.

Henry, my friend.

Henry, you got the invite, too.

I'm glad.

You must feel honored.

Not anymore.

Ah, you're a character.

Truth be told, I never miss the Brock's dinner. Things happen when they eat.

Remember last year, Jimmy with his blindfold, huh?

I thought the house would go liftoff. Like those balloons, you never know what

you're going to get here.

Yeah, I remember.

Oh, hi.

Come on in.

His head is glowing.

Anything else?

Nope, that's all.

It's a party. There is nothing wrong with dressing up. A birthday party. He's

years old. Don't tell me you're going to try and hit on him.

Oh, that is so funny.

You hit on the Pope, Mac.

You're not supposed to think that you're going to hold a teenager sacred.

You're after somebody tonight. It's the dress, the perfume.

Imagine if you had half a defensive team. Boom, bam, boom.

I'm driving here.

Fine. Drive.

Just don't look at me.

And don't smell me.

I suppose I can laugh about it now, but until I got those test results back, I

was totally insane.

I had a client with menopause once.

She killed her husband.

Tragic. What?

Do we really have to get this at the table?

Actually, it's healthy to talk about it everywhere. I read that once you remove

the stigma from menopause, women won't feel so cursed by it. Care?

Thanks. Even so, this is a birthday dinner.

I remember when it happened to Miriam. She'd get so confused.

I tell her you traded your period for question marks.

Quiet. A little punctuation humor.

I had a friend. Went in to have his colon removed.

I wound up in a comma.

Shut up.

Oh, stop saying that.

So, Jill, what was it?

What was what?

Uh, you know, the temper tantrums, the flashes. If it wasn't menopause, what

it?

I don't know. I... Um... Maybe I... Maybe

I just haven't been getting enough sleep.

Or maybe she was worried that the little drummer boy here wouldn't play at

Zach's bar mitzvah. Bite me.

Hey.

Excuse me, please.

Things are starting.

Shut up.

Maybe she forgot the salad.

Anxiety over menopause could trigger some of the same symptoms.

Maybe it's just that.

That could explain it, except why should I be anxious?

I'm only 43 years old. I have no reason to have that kind of anxiety. It's

ridiculous. It's absurd. It's ridiculous.

Why should I be anxious?

She'll be back. You're holding things off. Get back in there.

They're bored.

Well, then entertain them, damn it. Change religions a few times. I'll be

before you're a Muslim.

Jill.

It's his birthday.

I know.

What's wrong with me?

I don't know.

But the Jill Brock I do know would never say... Oh, yes, she would.

It may suck, but I said it, so what?

I should get an award for saying it.

Young, you go back in there, too, and please don't cut anything but the cake.

You know why?

I think it had something to do with Zach's birthday.

My baby.

But the baby, he's... He's a teenager.

Honey, he's barely a teenager.

That'll be a long time before he leaves.

Exactly. Five more years with that little bastard.

By the time he's gone, Kim really could be a mother and I could be a

grandmother. My life is over.

What? They grew up in a snap.

I stay still, dead calm. Fifteen years of treading water for a tits hole. Just

wait till they get out of diapers.

Then it's wait till they go to school. Then it's wait till there's more time.

It's always been waiting for then, then, then.

Then turns out to be when I'm a grandmother.

What kind of a then is that? They say you only get to go around once in life.

Well, that's crap. I never got to go around unless you count spinning in one

spot. Is that a round?

Spinning, I never even got to look around.

I've been had. I'm duck, duck, duck. Oh, God, look, another undone dish.

Now it's done. I'm going to my room.

I heard a dish break.

Miriam used to throw dishes at me when I upset her.

Our HMO made a switch to paper plates.

Shut up.

Henry, I used to find your shut -ups very endearing.

But I don't think so anymore. I see.

Well, tell someone who's interested.

Ah,

Jill went up to her room for a bit. She's not feeling too well. What do you

she isn't feeling well? It's my birthday. She should at least fake it.

it on yours.

I beg your pardon?

I heard her say that once.

On the phone.

To who?

Is she coming back down?

Yes, of course she's...

I don't really know.

Is this because I'm part Jewish? No, it's... I'll talk to her.

Come on, Matthew, let's go take your eyebrows.

Good idea.

Excuse me.

Does this happen every time here, or am I just lucky?

This is why I'm glad I'm not in a family.

People ask me, do you mind living alone?

I just laugh. I mean, what would I miss? The torment?

Plus, which, with the family, you'd probably have a husband.

And he'd never let you leave the house dressed like that.

Why are you so threatened? You're not my husband.

I'm not threatened.

Do I look threatened? Well, you're certainly talking like an ex -boyfriend.

Maybe it's just that this dress brings back a memory that's too hard. I'm

speaking as a cop. The dress reminds me of Chicago, where I worked vice.

You gonna finish your squash?

Have mine.

What is going on?

It's nothing, honey.

It's not really anything.

Mom, you demoed the cake. You're suffering phantom symptoms of menopause.

storm out in the middle of Zach's birthday party.

It's nothing serious.

I'm just a little emotional, sweetheart, from having thrown away my entire life

being a parent. But it's nothing for you to concern yourself with.

Well, that makes me feel better.

Everything okay?

Everything's fine, Jimmy.

Kimberly and I are going to have a little private time, okay?

Could you give us a couple of minutes and maybe, I don't know, trip going down

the stairs?

Why did you say that?

I don't know. I just have this urge to say whatever comes into my head.

I don't really want him to fall much.

And what about wasting your life being a parent? Did you mean that?

Oh, honey.

Yes.

Ah.

You children mean everything to me.

So much so...

Other than my job, I haven't really had time for anything else. I don't mean the

piano lessons I'm only talking about or learning to sculpt.

Well, I haven't had time for my friends, really. I mean, not much.

And my friends, I do have friends.

I mean, I'm still friends with my friends. I'm just not that close.

It's the same for them. They have their kids.

and so they don't have time for... I mean, it all becomes about the children,

which it should be, really.

It's... it's just that... Well, one day they grow

up, they're gone, and they're gone.

We'll always be your children, Mom.

I know that, but we won't have that day -to -day relationship.

It'll be... What did my father say? That he became texture, something like that.

to round out the holiday seasons, to give balance.

That's what happens with parents and their adult children. I mean, they love

each other and they get along, but the relationship becomes artificial in a

I'm talking here about the good ones.

A lot of parents and kids end up not even speaking much.

Look at your father and his father.

Look at Henry Bone and his son. Look at Douglas Wambaugh and his son.

They become...

At worst, estranged. At best, cordial.

It's not a real relationship.

I don't believe that.

You and me will always be close.

I hope so.

But I thought that with my own father, and then... Hey, I'm here in this room

right now, aren't I? Well, yes, because you were in the house when I started

smashing China.

But what's the saying? If a dish breaks in the forest and there's no one to hear

it, does it make a sound?

Do you want me to move back in?

No.

Kids move out. That's what they do.

And parents become backdrop.

I think that's what's been making me crazy, honey.

I'm going to wake up in five years.

And yes, I'll have something to show for life, but I won't have anything really

in it.

And it just suddenly hit me.

Did I tell you of what?

Things happen when his family eats.

Yes. My great uncle. He was a great man.

Died on vacation in Florida in one of those fancy hotels.

A coconut fell on his head.

It didn't hurt him much.

But he had a stroke yelling at the concierge.

He was a great man.

He said that when people argue and flee the dinner table, there's plenty to eat

for those that stay.

I'll never forget it.

Doug.

Please.

Shut up

I'm

sorry.

I just wanted to wing your ear

You were mean to me.

You basically said I look like a hole.

You're mean a lot to me.

In little ways.

Small enough for me to dismiss it as my own paranoia.

But I'm not paranoid, am I?

When people are together and they go through stuff, a lot of things,

they don't get healed.

But I guess what I'm trying to say is, whatever the pain,

you shouldn't throw food.

Even if you're right, which you're not, It's selfish to be acting this out on

Zach's birthday.

I know.

And since statistically your life is barely half over, it's probably a little

silly to stomp around claiming you're finished.

You're not sick.

You have plenty of time to start fresh.

And you're at a party.

So why don't you start tonight?

New living, new life.

No more Supermom.

And start having fun.

And for Zach, start tonight.

You know something, you're right.

You're right.

Jimmy?

Hey. Hey, how you doing? Come on.

She's feeling better.

Zachary, where's that birthday boy?

Yes, I see.

Hey, Max.

You heard of the New Year's Eve rule?

What's that?

New Year's Eve.

You're allowed to kiss anybody. No strings.

No suggestions or nothing.

Just a kiss to satisfy the curiosity.

Oh.

Nope. Never heard of that.

Aren't you at least curious?

Actually... No.

You see, I know exactly what it would be like.

Both of us would be scared to death of appearing to be more into it than the

other.

So the kiss itself would be incredibly tentative.

Our lips would barely touch.

They just sort of rest up against each other.

And then one of us...

Probably you would use your bottom lip to lift up the other person's

upper lip.

Probably mine.

And then maybe our tongues would touch a little, but

it would be so slight that...

Didn't you get enough to eat?

Oh, Henry.

Shut up.

How does that sound?

Must be nice to be a curmudgeon so you can tell people anything you want and

away with it.

You say it to me in the courtroom, I take it.

I have to. It's your room. You're the judge.

But you're not the judge at the dinner table and you don't tell people to shut

up and you don't tell me to. You understand?

That it I'm not too old to raise my hand or right now I I'd like to and I'm not

too old to smack you back God knows how many times I wanted to do it

Go ahead do it what

care if you have angina.

Come on. Come on. You want concussion number two?

Come on. Make your move. I'm getting tired. Come on. You're going to fight?

It's none of your business.

Yeah, it's my business. I'll arrest you both for disorderly and assault. You'll

spend the night in jail. Well, it'll be worth it. I've been waiting 20 years for

this. Waiting for what? To collect your benefits?

I'll crush you like a dried peanut. Hey, you old coot. I don't know what the

hell the problem is here, but you've got to air it out and settle it like men.

Old men, which is what you are.

He went that way.

You know, if I'm mean, it's because I wasn't meant to be permanent.

I beg your pardon?

I chose you because you were someone I could be permanent with. You chose me

because of just the opposite.

You could keep control, no risk.

I was a safe, no pain choice.

When I finally figured that out... What are you talking about?

I'm saying...

Sometimes hurt comes out mean.

Sorry.

I never tell you to shut up.

Why is today any different?

Well, maybe I'm sick of it.

Maybe I'm 73 years old and I'd like some respect.

Respect? Mm -hmm.

That's a two -way street, respect.

I never tell you to shut up.

And I've never been disrespectful, not to you.

You strut into my courtroom with your Douglas Wombaugh prants?

Douglas Wombaugh... Oh, please, please.

If it's about the Pope...

That's old ground. You've been doing it for 25 years.

Making jokes.

Making the courtroom a joke.

You take every opportunity to turn every trial into a circus.

It's my style.

It's nothing personal. It is personal, damn it!

Why can't you get that?

My whole life is that courtroom.

You see my family here today?

I don't exist until I put that damn robe on.

I have to believe that robe and that room mean something.

And every time you waltz in with your wombar schtick, you tell me it doesn't.

Well, I take it personal. I take it personal!

It may not be your intent to belittle me, but you do it every day.

You tell Kimberly, once the kids are grown and gone...

You really have nothing in life. You said that. I heard you.

Hey, like she said, you're only 40 years old. You've got a lot of years ahead.

You want to walk out that door and find meaning?

Do it!

I don't want to walk out.

Well, I sure as hell don't want to be out. Stop yelling. It's Zach's birthday,

for God's sake.

You were breaking dishes.

You were yelling. Why can't I yell? Tit for tat. We both got to yell.

I didn't mean it like that.

Of course you're important in my life. Of course. You said there would be

nothing in it.

Nothing!

I heard that.

That's what I feel.

But it isn't what I know.

Part of the reason I feel it is because of you, Jimmy.

I don't get a lot of zeal coming from you every day. You look at me tired.

You sigh when the remote's too far away.

Yes. I'm afraid of being with an old man who walks around in retirement asking,

who is Jimmy Brock? That's not a hell of a lot to look forward to.

You're wrong.

I ain't wrong, Max.

It's funny.

Because you'd always make fun of the girls I went out with.

The flavor of the month thing.

But then, you know, when I started to... You know.

With you.

You bleached the hair blonde.

You started talking all that trash.

All that sex stuff.

You turned yourself into one of those flavor girls.

So I'd move on and you wouldn't have to hurt me.

That theory is just a little too... Dead on?

You turned yourself into something I wouldn't want because you didn't want

At least not permanently.

Stop it. This is just mom being mom. She gets in these moods two or three times

a year. That doesn't mean I have to bend over every time she gets in my moods.

Okay, I'm going to get the cake. If we just get through the cake, we'll all

survive. Your brother jumped out a window. Would you do that too?

It was my only escape from this house. You have such beautiful hair.

Well, I became a punk. Come see me when I'm a Muslim. Don't speak to me like

that. Leave him alone.

You don't speak to me like that either. Jimmy.

Leave your mother alone.

Her life has no meaning.

Nice. Settle down.

I don't want to settle down.

Just give me this stupid present so I can get refunds and buy a bus ticket out

of here. I'll give you my credit card. It's the mutiny of the punk boys. That's

what it is. It's a mutiny against you. Do you know what, Timmy? If you hadn't

chosen a day for a meltdown, we would have had a nice family party.

I'm leaving this nut house. I'm not done with you. You want to blame me for your

limited wardrobe, Henry? Fine.

What, no ice cream?

Oh, go ahead. You got cake on the carpet. Tell me I'm out of line.

You know, I am just a guest here, but you are a judge.

And you are the town sheriff.

And you, you were once even mayor.

I never asked to be the mayor. I hated it.

Nobody would listen to me. I never would have come to Rome if I knew I was going

to be the mayor. Could somebody please tell me how a child's birthday party

could degenerate into this?

Anybody?

I'd even welcome a theory from you.

Oh, gladly. Shall I start from the beginning or pick it up halfway when you

spooned Kenny with the squash?

I threw the squash for a very good reason.

Well, I don't believe in having reasons.

I have multiple sclerosis. Was there a reason for that? Yes, for you to wave it

in our faces every time you're stupid without a reason. Hey! I'll hit you

You never hit me once.

I'm sorry. Mr. Wambaugh, you did always tell me that when he says shut up, it's

his way of showing affection.

Oh, puke. There, you see?

So what's changed?

Nothing's changed.

It's like I said.

I'm old. Who knows when I could die?

But I want to go out with respect.

That's what... Mine or your own? Now, don't you get profound with me. You say

yourself that you play the buffoon on purpose so people will have to laugh

you instead of at you. You've never had any self -respect.

So don't go complaining when you don't get it from me. My only complaint with

you is you're a liar.

You say you're my friend.

And you give me that big deathbed speech about not wanting to die alone.

A friend doesn't treat a friend the way you treat me, Henry.

Friendship doesn't come in a speech.

It's an everyday thing.

Oh, I tried.

I tried to make excuses for the way you act because I'm trying to believe

because you're a liar.

You're no friend to me.

I can't eat this without ice cream.

All right, that's one settled.

Now, what seems to be eating the two of you?

Let's just get this damn cake on the table, light the candles, and you, young

man, are going to have a happy birthday or you can forget about hockey playoffs.

Scoop it up!

We are family.

Quiet. Thanks.

I have plates. Oh, then dish it up. Come on. Hey, let's eat it right here. Let's

be wild and crazy, Zach.

The night isn't over.

You expect me to eat that cake?

Looks like dog crap.

Well, it's a little mushed, but let's consider it pre -chewed.

I am not eating that. We can salvage this.

Come on, Zach, I'm sorry, honey. I feel so bad for ruining your birthday.

And now I think I'm going to cry, which would make it even worse.

So let's just suck in a deep breath, pretend everything's okay, and eat the

cake!

Eat the cake, eat the cake. Let's just drown it all out with cake.

Unbelievable, huh?

Yeah. You know, I feel sorry for them, really, having to come home to that

night. Yeah.

We have our nice, quiet, empty houses to go back to, don't we, Max?

What are you, lonely, Judge?

Loneliness beats insanity, if you ask me.

That is just total madness.

That wasn't madness. They were just letting off steam.

I wish my family had had a dose of whatever kind of insanity they have.

Well, great.

Your evening wasn't wasted. I'm happy for you.

I feel sorry for you.

You said at the dinner table earlier, who wants a family? Who needs all that

torment?

I really feel sorry for you.

Well, don't, okay?

I'm fine. Don't be crying for me.

Does anybody cry for you, Max?

Just having one of my you know,

I Know

Happy

birthday to

Happy birthday, dear Zachary.

Happy birthday to you.

Like clockwork.

We're always happy by 5 to 11.

Oh, never mind.

Let's bow our heads in prayer.

Amen.

Amen.

Do things happen when they eat or do things happen? Shut up.

We should be glad nobody broke wind. Shut up.

Well, good night, Henry.

Shut up.

Douglas.

Do you really want the truth from me?

You might not like hearing it.

Say what you have to say, Henry.

I do consider you my friend.

In fact, the friendship is very important to me.

But, uh... I cherish knowing you.

Having you in my life.

But when I see you coming, often I feel dread.

That's okay, Henry.

Now I know.

These are terms we can work with.

In fact, we're like family.

Family members love each other, but they tend to drive one another crazy. You

know, now I see it. I get it.

And that's good.

Very good.

Yeah.

We're family.

And that's it.

Good night, Henry.

Good night, my friend.

Yeah.

You'll forgive me?

Yeah, but I didn't appreciate that Muslim remark.

I was out of my mind.

One small step.

Excuse me?

Oh, I was thinking about what that, uh, astronaut said when he first stepped...

on Mars? It was the moon.

Oh, right.

Good night, Jackie.

Night.

And happy birthday.

Night.

Night.

Want me to walk you in?

No, I'm fine.

Fine.

Okay.

You okay?

Me?

Sure, why?

I'm sorry if I hurt you.

Thank you.

You know, Judge Bone was really out of line when he said about me.

Yeah.

He was just using me to distract from...

Do you think what he said had

something to do with you and me?

I don't know Max