Original subtitles

Well, you know that liquor company you got going? I thought maybe you might

someone to run the business, but... Don't touch me!

You're a monster.

You're my fiance.

I would not marry you if you were the last woman I knew.

Is that okay? You didn't think it was okay on the eggplant thing? Yeah, the

dinner was lovely, Kate. I'm just not that big on implants.

Sorry. Okay, the dinner was lovely. Yeah, apart from the eggplant thing.

God, just shut up and have another wine, will you?

Hold on.

I have got something for you.

Mr Judd, I'm shocked.

You inhale.

I'm sure you'll get over it, Munter. You're an upright citizen.

Not for much longer. That's good stuff, man.

To book his finest.

I'm getting my boyfriend Wakeman to. I do believe I am.

He might need it.

This is for you.

Oh, for me?

Well, for both of you. But, um... Well, just open it and you'll see.

It's a love sock.

All right.

A love sock.

That does not feel hooty.

No. I designed it. I've been working on the idea for ages with Munson's help.

It's what we should do now.

Do? At Hoochie Mama. I want to design a range of underwear for men.

Hoochie Daddy or Hoochie Boy.

With their love sock.

Hey, take it home. Try it out. It'll rock your world.

Trust me.

Okay, well that's what we'll do then. Won't we, Hoochie Daddy?

Turn it off.

Sorry? Turn the fucking light off. Is it so hard to understand? Okay.

Where is everyone, Pascal?

I'm just... I like it as a word, bit of a shithole, but it sounds nice.

Are you going to invade it or not?

You bet your lily -white ass I am, old man. Bring it on, cannibal.

Get off.

Hey, Van, the house thing's in Australia.

It's mine, and you can't have it.

What are you guys doing down here?

Van's plotting world domination from Australia.

Are you guys hiding?

I think we are.

It's all Van's fault.

Well, who the fuck was I supposed to know? You ordered the pizza.

Why do I have to get a pizza?

We're getting ready to take over the world.

Pizza. Pizza is Spanish.

So how am I supposed to know that they're going to send an Indian?

They'll look the same.

Yeah, like Cook Islanders. And you can take your fucking pizza.

And then she turned on us.

Yeah, it wasn't pretty. Even from one so beautiful.

It was pretty scary.

No, this is good.

No, fuck it is. No, she's moved on to the next stage in getting over Bruce.

From the crying to the anger.

Bring back the crying, I say. I miss the crying.

Didn't we really well tonight, eh?

Yeah. The eggplant thing was awesome.

Cheryl is going to love the love sock.

I bet they're using it right now.

It's all thanks to you, the love sock.

You inspired me.

You're the creative one. No, you're my muse.

Yeah, like Case Muse.

Aye. Case Muse, you're black. Oh, I can't see him wearing a love sock. No, a

muse.

It's someone that inspires another.

It's not like he drills all blacks.

Like when I was at school, Christian Cullen inspired me to run fast.

You're black, not the horse.

Don't even kiss me.

Are you wearing your love sock right now?

Okay, come on then. Give us a hundred bucks.

Tomorrow.

Come on.

I'm serious.

Wow. That bad.

Okay.

Generally,

when a woman laughs like this at her guy's dick, The guy can get pretty

off. Oh, it's not the dick. You know I love the dick. It's what the dicks are

wearing. Yeah, well, I'm not the one who has to look her business partner in the

eye when she sees. So, Cheryl, didn't you just love the socks?

Oh, God, there is that. Shit.

Strangely, though, it's quite comfortable.

I don't care. Take that thing off.

Back as soon as I can.

Let's go. Little Stevie bit mum again. I swear I'm going to smack one of them.

Fair enough.

Oh. I have a hangover and it's all your fault. You know what I'm talking about.

Oh, my God. Socks, please. I love socks. How did it go?

And don't skimp on the details.

Well, it was quite a show.

Isn't it? I don't really think I've ever seen anything quite like that in my

life. Oh, so what a wang thing.

And he said it was pretty comfortable.

Sexy and comfortable.

Without actually being sexy.

Are you kidding me, right?

Well, maybe it's just not our cup of tea.

What's that supposed to mean? Well, if you're a man to get your rocks off with

these posing pouches, that's cool. And thanks for the thought and everything,

but I don't really think it's our style.

So what about Hoochie Daddy?

It's going to be no Hoochie Daddy as long as I'm running this fucking

As long as you're running this company? Well, you know what I mean. No, I

thought we were partners.

Yeah.

Cheryl says no, we all go back to our sewing machines and shut the fuck up.

Kate, I can't believe you're being serious about this.

That cock sock is about the stupidest idea you've ever had.

Oh, yeah?

And whose idea was this company, Cheryl?

It was mine, actually. No, it was mine.

I was making knickers way before you came along. In your lounge, which is

you would still be if I hadn't turned up and turned it into a bloody business.

And that gives you the right to say what goes, does it? When it comes to

business, yeah.

You bossy cow.

What, so she resigned?

She wouldn't. Her stupid bloody dick sock.

Love sock? Whatever.

Obviously it means a lot to Casey.

Casey, what do you want?

I'm just saying she's proud of her idea.

Stupid idea?

Is it?

Well, are you wearing yours?

Just because it's not my cup of tea doesn't mean it's a stupid idea. No,

stupid makes it a stupid idea. There's probably heaps of guys out there that

into that sort of thing.

Gay guys.

So they've got heaps of money.

Why? you on her side. I mean, she's the one who called me a bossy cow and bloody

stormed out.

What?

No, no.

What?

Nothing.

You were about to say something then.

All right.

Sometimes, like now.

You can be a wee bit on the forceful side.

Is that so?

But he is, eh?

Are you going to tell her what I say? Of course not.

Yep, she can be a real bossy cow. Exactly.

So what are you guys arguing about?

I have a totally awesome idea for this totally awesome product.

But does she give me any joke?

What's the product?

It's called the Love Sock.

Yeah, and how does that work?

Hey, aren't you meant to be meeting Michelle?

Shit.

I promised Rochelle I'd go and see her. She's in this totally mental place

because little Stevie isn't sleeping.

Ask Munt about the dog.

Hey, you know what I was thinking the other day? The best way to smuggle drugs

would be up a dog's ass.

You know, because when the drug dogs sniff their dog's ass, it'd be like, ow,

this dog's being friendly.

That's a love song, man. Oh, don't go there, man.

You weren't dodgy, are you? Oh, don't go there.

Evening, my friend. I just weren't dodgy, are you?

Don't go there.

There's nothing to eat in this house.

If you hear something bad, say to me, don't.

Does what for dinner count as bad?

Yes. Me and my baby will starve then.

Oh, fine, Wayne. He's a saint. He'll find you food.

Oh, catchy.

Wayne is a sick and pretty freak.

That thing you were doing last night? What thing? I bet you made him wear it

too. Did you both stick?

Did not make him wear it. Wear what?

I'll be glad when he's gone.

Where's he going?

He's a man. They all leave. They use you and then they leave.

That's what they do. They're just all scum.

I'm shifting out. I'm going to go live in the caravan.

With Grandpa?

No, away from Grandpa.

The caravan's pretty small, Pascal.

Grandpa can just go live in my room. I need someone to be alone. Is it too

fucking much to ask?

Stop looking at my arse, you fellas.

They're all looking at your arse. Yes, you are.

There's no panty lying.

You guys are sick, man. I wonder what another man's wearing under his

Then tell us about the love stock, Monkhead. For the millionth time, no.

Hey, guys.

You know Mike, right?

Guys.

Filani?

Chief Inspector.

At the time, Mr. Filani was getting worried.

He asked much about his undies.

What about your undies?

Don't you, Dad?

Munter is wearing a love sock.

It's a love sock.

He knows.

No, I don't.

Oh, yes, you do. I saw the way you just looked at him just now.

How the hell would I know anything about Munter's undies?

Exactly.

What do you know about the love sock, boy? Nothing.

I'm a boxing man myself.

Really? Me too.

But I'm going to find out all about the love sock.

Where are you going?

Away from here.

Where's Cheryl?

What did you do?

Where is she?

In bed, and she's really picked off with you. What did you do?

Kind of suggested that she could be a tad bossy at times.

Would you also go to the zoo, climb into the lion enclosure and poke them with a

stick?

Why are you late?

Because I need sleep.

Do you want to talk about it? Not now.

Fuck off, Loretta. I need somewhere to sleep.

You've got a bed and a house. Sleep there. I can't. What have you done?

I haven't done anything. It is all fucking Pascal's fault. So talk to her.

It's not her. It's Grandpa.

You know that noise he makes when he's having his prison nightmare?

Sorry, why has Pascal moved into the caravan?

Because she's moved on from the crying stage to the hating men stage.

What? Breakup stages, Jethro. Yeah, Jethro, don't you know anything?

You need to move her on.

Where does she normally go after the hating men stage?

To the loving as many men as possible stage.

Yeah, then you get Pascal fucking a guy in the next room every night.

I grew up with it, I can sleep through it. Then find her some guys to fuck.

Do you know any guys who are looking for an easy lay?

You don't actually have any friends, do you, Jethro? I have plenty of friends.

They just have standards.

Oh, come on. It's not like Pascal's a bush pig.

Fess up. You're Mr. No -Mate. Why don't you fuck off solo, Mum? What about Gary?

Does Pascal be into him?

No. She doesn't need him in her life.

Tell him.

Is he gay? For Christ's sakes, Loretta, it's Pascal.

Okay? Find a guy, light the fuse, and stand well clear. How hard can it be?

Okay.

Can I sleep on your couch, though? No.

Get out.

Hey.

Hey.

You, uh, here for the whole day today?

I've got a couple of people to see about hoochie parties, but otherwise I'm

around.

These are hoochie mama parties, eh?

Yes.

Maybe one day they'll be hoochie daddy parties.

I don't think so.

I don't see what your problem is. It's a good idea. No, my problem is that it's

a dumb idea. Please just close your mind to the possibility.

We make women's underwear.

That's our core business and we're going to stick to it. Core business?

God, listen to you. You sound like a... Fucking soup.

Someone has to if we're going to stay in this. We're doing okay, you know,

relax. Try something new.

That is easy for you to say. You don't have debt up the wazoo. Oh, okay. So

because you owe money around town gives you the right to piss on my idea.

I cannot afford for this business to start losing money.

Thanks for the better support.

You know, it is possible for you to have a shit idea from time to time. Cheryl,

this is not a bad idea.

If we start throwing money at this and we don't get anything back, then it's

worst fucking idea you've ever had. But that's not going to happen. How do you

know? How do you know? Because I'm a fucking suit apparently and it makes it

job. Oh, do you know what your problem is? Yeah, I'm a... bossy cow apparently.

Apart from that, you don't know how to open your mind.

What? Yeah, you wouldn't know sexy if I kissed you on the tits. Well, I'm sorry.

My life isn't the sexual fresh show that yours is.

What's that?

I quit.

Oh, fine. Great.

I can't do this anymore. I can't work with someone like you. Fine.

So if she wants to walk out, fine, that's her decision.

Let me get this straight. You broke up over a piddling piece of cloth? No, it's

not about that. If I can't rely on her not to throw a handbag down every five

fucking seconds, then stuff her. This is your best friend you're talking about.

No, no, no. It's about business.

It's about paying bills, and I've got some big fucking bills to pay. You've

to pay the bills, don't you, Mike?

Oh, life's a bit like that. No, that's the truth.

You should get that.

Oh, no, no, no, no, it's not going to work.

Say yes if she is.

No!

That'd be too obvious.

Say no if she's there.

Hold on a minute.

Sorry, honey, I've got to take this. It's business.

Fine, I'll get out of your hair then.

Yeah, she's gone, Munter.

Yeah, you know what's going down?

Yeah, got her both barrelled.

Well, I think me and you in the same walk are peddling up shit creek.

Yeah, well, we should talk about this.

Yeah, um, you know Frizzell Cuisine?

Yeah. At the end of the day, there's a path that comes through to Buchanan

There's a beach, right? Or we could go to the Rusty Nail.

That could work.

Hi. Hey.

My number.

Can't remember.

Pathway? Ice kick.

Hmm.

You've actually got a couple of late fees on.

Yeah? Yeah.

Do you want to sort that out now?

Cool. Cool.

Because there are ways and ways of sorting out late fees.

What? What what?

The text message you sent me. Help at Video Heart needs you here now. I don't

see any emergency. I met a guy.

Well, bummer for him. What's that got to do with me? No, I'm here, guy, for you.

Sean?

What's up?

I wouldn't fuck him for practice.

Yeah, Kathy's going all quiet on it, which is the first.

Oh, Topper?

Yeah, sure.

We've got to stop this shit before it goes too far. Oh, yeah, if it isn't

already. So true.

Some days, I just don't get chicks.

You know, I dig them and everything, and the parts I get, I really like.

But they make all me talk, you know?

Fuck off, I just don't get it, man.

They are strange, elusive creatures.

Yeah, they do.

Okay, time to do the business.

What business?

You know, the business that'll sweeten you up.

Do you think she's right?

Cheryl, do you think the socks are a stupid idea?

No, of course not.

It's your idea.

You know what else I think?

What? I think you need to take some time.

Stop thinking about work and love socks and all that.

You think?

Yeah, sure.

Good advice.

Good night.

Did someone check on him? Billy Boots.

Talk to Casey?

When?

Since the last time I saw you. No.

It's funny how the ball bounces.

Some flash lawyer cost you a fortune to keep me out of jail and down the line

the price is your best friend.

That's profound.

Well, you're not exactly saying much. She's the one that walked out, not me.

Well, talk to her. Talk to me, fuck. Talk to somebody.

What are you worried about? This isn't your business. Yeah, it is. I borrowed

the money. I will pay it back. Now leave it alone.

This is my business because I'm the guy that shares this bed with you.

I share your life.

You don't have to if you don't want to.

Oh, that's cold.

If I'm such fucking hard work, you don't have to stay. You can do what you like

as far as I'm concerned.

That's what it was like with him.

Who? You know who I'm talking about, but I'm not him, so you don't need to keep

me at a fucking arm's length. It's not about Wolf, okay?

No, you're right, because he's gone.

And it's just me. Look, I've had a shit day. I really don't need more grief from

you.

Can you forget about my baby just once? I need unconsciousness.

They say wool milked out of the trick.

Going by the snoring, she's asleep, so it's probably safer to go back to bed.

You heard?

I hear everything now. I've given up sleeping.

She's a hard woman, your mother.

She's my mother. You think I don't know that?

Can you spare it?

I'm thinking of your unborn child.

What are you doing in here?

I couldn't sleep.

What's wrong with the caravan?

It smells funny.

Oh, really?

That's so terrible.

As opposed to having to listen to the trots half the night, then Grandpa on

phone to his phone sex regular,

Then Grandpa finishing off the job himself.

And then the nightmares.

His nightmares, not mine. Mine are yet to come because having nightmares

requires having actual sleep.

I thought that thing that you did today was really cruel.

What? You know how I feel about guys right now. You shoved that guy in my

You know what I mean. I'm just trying to move things along.

Where? You know, the stages.

I don't have stages?

Yes, you do.

You bored me shitless with them when Hayden... When Hayden what?

You know, you said that you have to move through the stages.

I think maybe you're the one that needs to move through the stages.

No, you are in the hate guy stage and you need to move on to the fuck guy

It's what you've always done.

What the fuck is that?

Shut up!

Do you know what I've been thinking?

That after breakfast we should have a shower together?

No, about work.

That maybe you could bring Cheryl and maybe pitch things? No.

I've been thinking about going into business together.

I can be the designer, you can be my muse.

Okay. Who's your daddy?

Except I'll probably have to come up with another name.

So as a muse, what will my jobs be apart from musing?

Modelling, mostly, at first. And then maybe something in management.

Modelling the love song. And other designs.

And public.

No, you know, she daddy parties. You can run them.

What's the problem?

You don't believe in what I'm doing.

Look, it's not about believe, OK?

Look, it's all about believe.

Either you believe I can do this or you don't. Of course you can, babe.

But you don't want to be part of it anyway, do you? Look, it's not about

part of something.

It is all about being a part of something.

You know, unless you're just another one of those guys.

You know, useless guys who just want to live off me like some life -sucking

leaf. Hey, come on. The first time I asked for your support and you can't be

asked. You know, I'm stuck, you munter.

Best bed I've ever slept in, that one, as far as actually sleeping goes.

The waterbed I shared with Rita in the late 70s was great for rooting, once she

got in sync with the wave action.

But this one lights out the moment my head hits the pillow.

I'm so thrilled for you.

I found these under the bed.

Bedtime reading.

Don't you care about what he's already done to this room?

Your room?

I mean, fuck every singer.

Please, Pascal.

It's all right for you. You've escaped, but what about me?

What about you?

You're not the one who's surrounded by men.

I'm not sharing the caravan with you.

I don't want to share the caravan with you.

No, you want me to fuck strange guys.

Look at you.

Dumped for all the wrong reasons for the first time in your life.

Thanks for the reminder.

And look at me.

Knocked up to some bastard who skipped the country.

True.

All I'm saying is that for once we're actually in the same boat.

So what about a bit of sisterly support?

From you?

As your sister.

And as a fellow woman.

You're a girl, not a woman.

All I'm saying is, how about we go out for a drink?

You're not allowed to drink?

It's a figure of speech.

Just you and me together.

No smelly boys.

My shout.

Okay.

Cool. And you can drink all you want for both of us.

No way will I ever understand Czechs now.

And just when you think you're getting close, boof.

What do you fucking mind?

They just, they like... Shut up, man.

I'm not in the mood, bro.

Is this all because of those gay undies you fellas are wearing?

We're not wearing the undies, man.

Nor me.

Couldn't find any clean ones today or I'm going commando.

Well, there must be some pretty amazing undies to cause this much grief.

Either that or you guys are a couple of fucking idiots.

Yeah, fuck you, losers.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that being in a real relationship with a

real chick is the best thing in the world. You don't just piss that away.

Okay, Mr. Expert.

You tell me.

I want me to get Casey to believe that I'm not some useless loser sponging off

her just because I don't want nothing to do with her undies.

But I ain't got no job.

I don't contribute shit.

Maybe I should just piss off.

When you finish that, you can pop home and tell Cheryl that I'm not your

father. And if she wants me as part of her life, then she can stop treating me

like I am.

This isn't good.

Shit.

Shitty shit.

What are you doing here? Talking to you.

Okay.

So talk.

Okay.

I was at the pub before and there were these guys there.

You might remember one of them.

Name of Judd.

Actually, you know both of them because the other one was Mata.

Anyway...

They were talking, and I was trying to figure out how this whole gay undie

turned into World War IV.

Well, maybe you should ask Casey.

I'm not finished talking yet.

Because they were talking, and the shit that they were talking made it sound

like they were thinking of calling it quits. On Casey and on you.

Not going to happen then.

But I thought you and Casey were like best mates before these dumb undies came

along.

I thought you and Judd had a pretty good thing going.

Especially seeing as he stopped being a cop for you.

Look.

I've had a pretty fucking bad year.

I'll do anything to stop it from going bad for you guys.

Anything.

It's all tuned to shit, isn't it?

Do you wanna?

night no smelly boys you don't have to talk to them what do you want to go home

champagne cocktail then

and

your fucking dreams

if

it was me i'd have served you without asking

That was pretty much the worst opening line ever, wasn't it?

Pretty much.

It's, hi, I'm Trent. Any better?

Not really.

I'm Loretta.

Hi, I'm Trent.

Yeah, I got that.

Right.

So, what do you do, Trent?

Well, I wish I could say something cool like filmmaker, but...

I'm a traffic engineer.

A traffic engineer?

Yeah, you know, a road.

Getting cards from one place to another.

In Auckland.

You must really suck at your job.

Yeah, I get that a lot.

But you think that being a filmmaker would be cool?

Sure.

What do you do?

I'm a filmmaker.

Do you want to come and have a drink with me and my sister?

Yeah.

Here you go.

Pascal, this is Troy. Trent.

Trent, this is Pascal.

Hi.

What happened to girls' night out?

Trent happened.

How?

It's not important.

The important thing is that I've sorted it.

How? I said it's not fucking important.

The important thing is that Mum's gone around to Casey's to sort it.

Without a police escort, this could go very, very wrong.

But, Casey, it's a stupid idea.

You think all my ideas are stupid. No, I don't.

Just the ones involving posing pouches. OK, would you have a better one?

We don't need another idea as my idea. No, we have to sort this. We agreed.

Call Rochelle.

Hey, you know what you said before about doing anything to put it all right? Did

you mean it? Yep.

Why?

Right. Yep.

Okay.

No, I did mean what I said back then, but... Mum?

Yeah, alright.

Yep. I love you too.

I've got to go.

I don't like films much.

Yeah, you do. You liked Legally Blonde. Yeah, but who didn't?

All the films that you guys like, I haven't even seen.

Except for Princess Diaries, but I don't remember there being any bikes.

That's because we were talking about motorcycle diaries.

But you're right, we should stop talking about films.

Did I tell you that Pascal used to be a model?

Cool, what sort of modelling?

Retail tire brushes, mainly.

Do you guys want another drink?

Please. Sure.

I told you, I don't do stages anymore. You need to move on.

Yes, and this is me moving on.

Pascal!

God, you guys are such dicks sometimes. Listen, you're here as our friend. Don't

abuse that position.

Hey, I'm like Batman.

The phone rings and I race across town to save the day, forcing only to leave

the baby at Mum's place.

And my decision is final?

Batman can leave at any time.

Yes, your decision is final.

Cheryl? Yes, your decision is final and I'll abide by it if you like stupid cock

socks. will make it.

Casey?

If you reject my quite brilliant idea, I will live by that.

So cool.

Okay, Lynn, let's get this show on the road. Come on out here now!

No. Hey, hurry up!

Get fucked.

That's no way to speak to Batman.

Hey. Van, love, come on, get your ass out here now.

And we do mean us.

Well, I couldn't find Munter's. Yeah, that's because Munter doesn't have a

You know, Munter doesn't usually wear anything around the house.

We don't need to know that, Kate.

Yeah, fucking know that.

And why are you wearing a robe anyway?

That's not what I paid to see.

This is weird, in front of my mum.

Oh, come on, Van, get over it.

Look, I want to watch.

Oh, yeah, you know, if that's a bit loose, it's because I made that one for

Monday. Well, it's not loose.

Actually, if anything, it's a bit tight.

Yeah, right.

I, uh, I need to see the back.

Well, there is no back. That's what I need to see.

Well...

Oh, I know, I really need to see the front again.

Well, it's a really important decision, Ben.

So what, you want me to do a little sock dance? Yeah, actually, that's a really

good idea.

You're hot. Come on, all the girls down at the pub are saying how hot you're

looking at the moment. So hot right now, Ben. Like, so hot. Ben, Ben, Ben. Like,

sexy, sexy hot.

Ben, Ben, Ben. Ben the man, Ben the man, Ben the man. Come on, baby.

Come on, baby.

Everyone, look at you.

Okay, Rochelle, come on.

Well,

I've been thinking and, um... No, no, I'm still thinking.

But... The boy undies

are...

hundred and ten percent awesome i

brought

up four kids

five if you count munter pretty much on my own you know i mean wolf was around

but

I could never trust when that was going to be. Sometimes he'd disappear for

days, weeks even.

And that's just the way things were in our line of work. And it didn't pay to

ask questions either.

Turns out, you know, part of what he was doing was having a whole other bloody

family.

But the point is, this is the way I've always done things.

You know, I've just got on with it. I haven't hung around to discuss every

bloody thing.

I'm just not used to being around a good guy.

You're trying to apologize.

I'm not very good at it, eh?

So I noticed.

I guess... I guess I'm just... I'm not good

when things are good.

You know when they're easy?

Is that what they are?

Yeah.

Then apology accepted.

But don't do it again.

Oh, come on.

You know there's no way in the world I can promise that.

I've waited years to say that.

Shouldn't you be tucked up in the caravan?

It smells really bad.

It smells of grandpa.

How was Troy?

Trent? Whatever.

He was sweet.

And into pregnant chicks.

I never mentioned it and he didn't comment.

You used him for meaningless sex.

You have changed.

So have you.

Stop trying to change me back.

I was trying to cheer you up. No, you were trying to get me to root some guys.

Stop hating guys and turn back into a hoe.

Except you were the hoe.

I have hormonal confusion as my excuse.

What's yours?

I'm over guys forever.

No, I'm serious. I'm going to be like a nun except I'm going to wear...

Way better clothes and none of that church crap.

You are going to be celibate. And you turn into the world's funniest solo mum.

Weird world, eh?

Stop trying to change for me.

As long as you promise to shift back into your room.

Done.

That smells really bad.

Want to watch Legally Blonde?

The world's fucked up, so why not?

Cool.

You're not a loser.

I did a job just to prove to you what a loser I'm not.

Thank you.

This program was made with funding from New Zealand on Air.