Original subtitles

Huh? Huh?

Do you want to get married here?

Yeah.

Fucking heartless prick, she loves you.

You should think about that.

The way you love.

I don't love you, Tristan.

I love Aurora, but I always will.

Stand up and look at me.

Spikey, listen.

If you're going to stay here, you need to go and have that shower and...

No painting on the walls, please. He's staying here.

Coming down in sun strokes From the darkened ocean

Home again, my beauties? Oh, they are not sleeping with us.

Gun is good. Hunter, bring home meat for woman. Get out of here, sick caveman.

Hi, love. Enjoying the sun?

Yep. They're not a lot like Sparky, Ronnie. Don't want to leave those lines

They'll be downstairs, like the way in the gun say.

Sparky! And the guns, even the other hoodies like that.

You and my brain.

Don't you want that?

I can't. I can't stop thinking about fruit.

Good old Imran.

If it's a crash diet, you're leaving it a bit late.

What if something goes wrong with him?

Like he dies of bird flu?

How can you say something so awful?

Well, it's a better twist than a plane crash.

Bloody Sparky, what's he doing down there?

Why does he have to say?

Because I said so. Well, can you say it? He's creeping me out.

Oi, oi.

Sorry about that, Cheryl.

Do you love the new fittings when they're finished?

Were you, um, wanting some food, Sparky? Nah, nah. Got the mood on.

Gotta go with the mood when it's on.

But I do need something warm.

Put a heater on.

And live.

Take this and piss off.

I think he means a life model.

Okay. You are way too close to me with no underpants on.

This is my last work.

Then I will be gone.

Really? Why do you say that?

I'm almost a penis, Cheryl.

Couldn't you go down there to this one?

Hello? Am I not engaged?

You were a model -cum -actress.

Why don't you tell her?

Yeah, well, while I myself enjoy the views, it wouldn't be good for one in

condition. What condition?

What?

No way.

There, I smelt it.

Soon as I saw her.

Back off, buster.

Stronger. With each passing week.

I can't smell anything.

You're totally mental.

Come out here.

You couldn't be, could you?

Oh, my God, we should have seen it sooner.

Seen what?

There are way too many.

How do you know?

And you won't call yourself a detective?

In my experience, not a lot of crimes are solved by a box of tampons.

We have three chicks in this house, right? If you count Loretta as being a

chick, which we will in this case, because otherwise she couldn't be

out. Okay.

So we are all on the rag at the same time, which is why we're often held to

with. Well, you are.

And when we get our period, there are always these fights over who is the last

one and who didn't go by anymore, and no way am I rolling my own.

Oh, loo paper?

You roll it up? It's, like, really skinky. But last week, there were

even though Mum's was, like, really heavy.

I might, uh, save this for you, eh? I thought you were interested.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Top police work. Case closed.

Honestly, though, Sparky's nuts.

She's been wearing her fat jeans. Yeah, but all her jeans are the same.

Boo. They are definitely bigger.

Really.

Mum, you're not just going to let this one go, are you?

Shit, no.

Come here.

When was your last period?

What? You heard me.

I don't know. Who cares?

Oh, my God. It is so true.

You'd actually listen to a naked madman with bad hair and a fried brain.

Sweetie, when was your last period?

Unlike you and my sad sister, I don't actually think about periods. They're

messy and boring, and I'd be happy if I never had another one.

But you have had one lately, haven't you?

I can't remember.

I've been busy and... And I really don't want to talk about this.

Well, don't talk.

Use this.

It's a testing kit.

I know what it is. I don't need it.

I think you do.

I think that you should go and get a life and go and count the milliseconds

until Bruce gets back.

Look, I'm only doing this because I care.

Whoa! Okay, come on. She can do it later.

Okay.

Nothing. You don't want to touch that.

All those volts coursing through you, frying every synapse.

Happened to me.

More than once. Uh -huh.

Not just the kicks.

Once, I went over.

Over what?

The other place in it.

What was that like?

Would you stop that?

Can't. Why not? You got a cold or something?

Just smelling.

I smell.

A lot.

A shower would fix that.

No, idiot.

My senses.

Now it's sharpened.

So,

the other place?

What about it?

What happens over there?

Maybe you could sit down while we talk about it.

Maybe take your job off. Fuck off? Nothing weird.

Just being my life model.

I'm not a chick.

Well, you're alive, aren't you? So?

Look, this work will be a gift to your mother for bringing me back.

I was going mad up there.

Crazy.

I thought I was turning into a tree.

Yeah. But I'm good now.

I could tell you all about it. The other side.

Well, you'd have to wear some grunts because I don't want to keep, like,

at you.

Problem there.

Yeah, what? You like being nude?

Burn my last beer.

I've got heaps.

White ranch or what?

Oh my God, it's a period inquisition.

Look, love, all you have to do is pee on it. You guys are like vampires, like

zombies of wee.

I care. Is that so terrible?

Two minutes of your time, and then we're out of your life forever.

Oh God, I wish that were true.

Have you done it yet?

I'm reading the instructions.

You don't read, you just wag on the stick.

I'm not getting it on my hand.

Use the cup then.

I can't believe she's never done this before.

I'm sorry, this facility is in use for medical purposes.

What? We're waiting to see if Loretta's knocked up.

Loretta? She's having a baby.

Go off the balcony, Ted. She doesn't look pregnant. I know, she's probably

so don't worry about it. That's not what you said before.

Mm -hmm. I've got five bucks on so damn positive.

You all right in there, hon?

She's having it. In there.

No, it's her.

They have a test you can do, hon.

Oh. How does that work?

That is so exciting. I haven't even had any time to be nervous about Brooke.

Positive.

So positive.

Crap. It must be faulty or I didn't do it right.

There's no point.

I haven't been sick. I'm not feeling weird.

Yeah, but you're never sick and you're always weird.

How are your boobs?

Are they sore?

No.

Maybe. God, you are so out of touch with your body.

Well, you touch yours all the time. It doesn't make you a brain surgeon.

I would think that a smart person would have heard of contraception. I used

protection always.

Always?

Every single time?

I'm not a loser or a whore. Oh, we're an idiot.

Don't do it now.

Sure. Didn't I just say so?

Who did this to you?

I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

Hayden, it has to be, unless you snuck off and got it on with them now.

Hayden bloody beat us.

Okay, I think we can wrap this up, eh?

I'll be nailing his balls to the back of my Holden when I catch up with him.

Ted, you don't have a Holden. You don't even have a car.

You don't knock my granddaughter up and get away with it. Fine, Ted, whatever.

Listen. Listen.

We'll go to the doctor tomorrow and we'll sort it. All right?

Good girl. Go ahead.

No, no.

Oh, shit.

I know.

It's terrible.

Really bad.

But also kind of cool in a terrible kind of way.

Loretta.

Yeah. I know.

It doesn't seem to the world.

with your dad, she'd eat anything.

Bigger like a whippet, but she was always hungry.

That's why she called him Wolf.

Hey.

Maybe you guys would like some of these?

Not really my style, mate.

No. You guys.

They were Aurora's. Well, there's no point giving them to her.

Why not? She liked Aurora.

Quite fitter.

She's not fat. She will be.

Blimperama. Varicose veins, boobs like... Are you thick?

So where do I find Peter's?

You don't, Grandpa.

I'll sort it, don't you worry.

Leave it to me.

No grandfather of mine is being about.

Van Wong, your first son.

No, I'm not.

Your father married Flutty Pants, made an honest woman of her in the end.

Well, that was different.

How?

Loretta is just 17 years old. So were you.

Well, she might not want to keep it.

You'd give it to the Sallies. Oh, what's going on with the Sallies? I've got

some stuff.

Nothing. It's her decision.

Her body.

You let her use the knitting needle on my own great -grandchild. It's not up to

you. It's up to her.

You stand by and let that happen.

How can you call yourself a mother and kill your own grandchild?

Thank you.

Thank you very bloody much.

Is Loretta pregnant?

Shit, eh?

That about sums it up.

Also a common response.

Didn't Hayden, like, sheathe it?

Yes.

And mostly the answers here are just the ones.

But you're real smart.

Well, turns out that clever people can do stupid shit too, and doesn't that

make everyone's day?

Are you pissed?

No.

I was distracted.

What, like stoned? No.

I was upset.

What about?

Nothing. What about?

Nothing. You can't be upset about nothing. It was Aurora's wake, right?

Sorry, Van.

I was upset, and I wanted comfort.

I don't know.

That's okay.

Makes sense.

Really?

Yeah, really.

Hey, doctors.

Ready? Yep.

Hey, Thing.

It's pretty cool up there, up in heaven.

Look.

One endless party with no noise control.

And the grog never runs out.

And there's food?

Oh, of course there is. Whatever you want.

Joyce.

She's like that. She'll be helping out.

Yeah, Aurora.

Oh, she'll be there for sure.

Good girl, that one.

Yeah.

Four months?

Four fucking months?

Yeah, I heard you the first time. Jesus Christ almighty.

I'm not totally sure. All that crap about last menstrual period, it's really

confusing. How did you manage to ignore something like this for this long?

I mean, you must have noticed something. I didn't, okay? My body...

Doing stuff and going places. You've got a brave taxi.

I'm not like you and Pascal, always thinking about my hair and how big my

is. Yeah, well, now you've got a passenger.

I can still get off.

You heard the doctor. I can still get a late one. No, no, no, no, no, no. You

won't do that. You will not do that.

Whose body is this? This is a baby now, Loretta. It's too late. No, it's still a

blob, and you wanted me to get rid of it. Not like this.

What happened to it's my life, my decision?

Is it moving?

What? When it moves, you know, you feel it, like a little tadpole. Oh, Mum,

that's disgusting.

Well, this is real now, Loretta, and if you do this to yourself, you'll regret

it for the rest of your life. I know you will. It's not up to you. You said so.

Yeah, I know I did. Mum, do you think I want to end up like you, running around

after stupid, hideous children and wasting my life on people who don't even

about me? Loretta, this isn't a joke. I'm not laughing.

Loretta!

Back in the car now! I am not your fucking prisoner!

Hey. You've got three overdues.

I just heard.

There's been no other front page news in this entire nation.

Pascal Teague.

What does Hayden say?

Who? Come on.

Well, strangely, I haven't told him because I no longer speak to him. And

if I did know where to find him, which I don't, even then there'd be no point

because he hates me.

Shit. Yeah, it is shit.

But it's just what happens when you have the crappy misfortune to be born a

girl.

Whatever you need, I'm here for you, okay?

What?

Oh, baby stuff, money, hospitals.

You know, whatever you need.

You'd do that?

For my baby.

Of course.

And where were you when I needed a guarantor?

It was piss off, Loretta, but now you'll do anything for my itty -bitty baby.

Well, you don't need to worry, because there won't be any baby.

Loretta. Don't you start.

You can't. I can swing it. I'll just tell them that I'm a fucked -up unit

an unstable family, which is pretty much true, and who knows how crazy I'll get

if I have to have it.

Jesus Christ.

What is your problem?

Has everyone turned Catholic overnight?

Loretta. Jethro, why don't you just go back to your office, back to your

contracts and being a cynical wanker, and we'll get along just fine.

Or you can pay your overdues.

She's off the fucking planet.

You've got to talk to her.

I tried.

It wouldn't kill her to have it.

It's easy for you to say. You'll never have to shit that particular pumpkin.

So you don't...

I think that it's wrong.

Babies are hard work.

You try having three under three and being sick of the dog with your fourth

the way.

So what, you thought about getting rid of Loretta?

No, no, no, I was well broken by then.

Yeah, but you thought about it. With you I did.

Oh, too soon.

For lots of reasons. But when Rita told me she'd kill me if I tracked your

father, it was game on.

Mum! I'm not fucking saying what mother is.

Well, you can't let her do this.

Loretta never heard the word can't.

Oh, yeah.

I've been to the dark more than once.

Played chicken with death.

Stared into those inky black pupils.

I'd go, all right, you fucker!

Give it to me!

How, by shouting?

Nah. Cars, fire, the vaults. And you weren't scared?

Well, it must be pretty freaky, thinking that you're going to die.

Well, you know, I wasn't trying.

It was accidents, mostly.

You know, the drugs helped.

So drugs are good?

No, no, they're bad.

Like speed?

Well, I don't do that shit no more, OK?

And you don't go messing around with death.

You don't like no day -trippers.

And can you keep still? How can I paint you if you keep moving?

What do you think?

I was going to go red, but red is like so half.

And then I was going to go pink because Bruce loves pink.

Then I ran out of pink, so I had to go clear.

Oh, they look good.

Bruce will love them.

Thanks.

Hey, you were real cool what you said to me about Drasca.

Was that at his bloody ho time or she's my best friend time?

You said that I had to remember who I loved?

Well, that's true.

I reckon you and Bruce, I reckon you're made for each other.

You guys are going to be really happy.

Aww.

Are you a bit ripped?

A wee bit.

You know, if you weren't my brother, I would make you my bridesmaid.

Fuck off.

I don't have to wear a dress, man. Well, you could be an usher.

What do they do?

Well, they ush down the aisles.

Ush? Mm -hmm.

It's real easy. You'll be good at it.

Okay. Hmm.

But she's a lesbian!

Really? Oh, my God! That must have been her plan all along.

How's that work?

Lesbos. They sleep with a guy just to get one on board.

You mean like a normal girl? Well, Hayden Peters had better be playing for

passage. Is that fair?

The fruit of your loins is yours forever.

Unless you can blame some other bastard.

The only bastard around here is Hayden bloody Peterson. He needs dealing to.

Smackety smack.

Are you in?

Someone has to sort it for Loretta.

She is what she is. Yeah, a pregnant Lizzie.

She's just her own person, you know, not a baby kind of person.

She'll soften up when the ring's on her finger. What do you mean, married?

Not with a shotgun, if that's what it takes.

Indeed, I'm real fond of Loretta.

Actions speak louder.

Yeah, smack across the chops from Mr. Peters.

I just don't think violence is the answer.

I think.

Don't you have any respect for an old man when he asks for your help?

Who are you calling old?

And you at four, son. So principled.

Hey. Hi.

Tea gowns, baby.

I just got a heads up with your grandpa, so if you've got issues, bro, it ain't

up to me.

Okay. How old is he?

Don't bug me.

Okay.

I'll see you then. Yeah.

Give us the address.

We'll do the rest.

Look, I sympathize, all right? But beating Hayden up, it's not going to get

result you want.

Make Ted feel better.

Look, he's not even here.

Where is he?

Brisbane.

You up for that?

Well, many good attractions over there, apart from the fisticuffs.

Yeah, my niece said Waterworld's wicked.

Andres, hand it over.

Okay.

It's just, try calling him first, okay?

What will that do?

It's called being reasonable, negotiating.

It's called being a pussy.

Well, it might save you the airfare.

Try it out.

Hayden, Peter.

Hayden, death row. Hey, mate, how you doing?

Uh, yeah, good, good.

Listen, something's come up with Loretta.

What about her?

She's pregnant.

There's no way it's mine.

We're pretty sure it is.

Yeah, I said no way.

Oh, hang on, mate.

Mate, do you think I'm going to let anyone hear that psycho bitch from hell?

Where the fuck do you think I moved here?

Negotiations, eh?

Don't worry, we'll deal with him. Yep.

No, they'll be here, though.

Good man.

I'd say decency.

Why does everybody keep trying to feed me? I'm not a pit.

We're just showing you that we care.

Well, don't.

Now, I don't want to make things worse for you, but...

I've got something really important to say.

What?

You can't be my bridesmaid.

My dreams of pink taffeta totally crushed.

Well, actually, I was thinking of champagne satin.

But if you have this frog, then you're going to be way too fat and fallen. And

then if you don't have it, then you're going to be a murderer.

And that's not really very acceptable to Muslims.

Unless it's on a grand scale with planes and buildings.

Okay, I know you're angry, but...

You're still my sister.

And I know in other countries they might stone you or be mean to you, but me and

Bruce would never do that because we care and we're tolerant.

If I needed a reason to get rid of it, that just clinched it.

Months and months of you being superior and mum going on about how I'll regret

it. You might.

How would she know? It's not like she's ever gotten rid of one. She had one that

died.

What?

Before the twins at...

died, you know, when it was still cooking.

And she was really upset.

Why didn't you tell me about that?

Well, who would tell you anything important when you're so heartless and

and unsympathetic, even to the people who care?

Hey.

Uh, I found these.

There must be years of overdue in there.

Take it.

I just want to put a pillow over my head and make the thought go away.

Go away how?

You hear me?

No, you don't want to do that.

You can't.

This is the last of my money. You can use this for whatever you want.

It's yours.

Leave me alone, Van.

No.

She'd want you to have it.

Aurora.

You're having a kid because of her. Because of us. Stop it. Stop this.

But it's got to mean something.

Don't you think that something good can come out of something bad? If you're

trying to blackmail me, you can forget it. No, I'm not. Doing some crap about

life and death, cancelling each other out.

Do you actually think that's going to change anything?

No, it's not. Then what are you doing, Ben?

I don't want to show it down ages ago. I'm breaking the curse.

Just out.

Night, Mum.

Night, my darling.

I love you, Mum.

I love you, too.

You OK?

Yeah, I'm better now.

Much better.

And they don't just suck it out, they dilate the cervix, and then they break

waters. Yes.

Yes. What happened to caveman?

Caveman head out hunting, avoid all this messy woman's business.

Well, it is messy.

If she has it, you know what that'll make you?

Grandma. I'm kind of ready.

You're way too young to do now.

No, I've been ready since Pascal hit purity.

I never thought it would be Loretta.

Still might not be.

Would it be so bad having a baby around?

It's not up to me.

Hmm.

You know, if Loretta had it, you know, he'd end up looking after it.

Oh, you'd do that.

Wouldn't just be me, though, would it?

Yeah.

That scare you off?

I'd rather have one of yours.

You know, I've had that coil up there so long it'll be rusted over by now. Oh,

Jesus.

You could

take a hacksaw to that.

Easy peasy.

Or use the combination.

It's your mother's birthday.

I don't want to do that.

Since you're here, you want to get them off?

Will that get it done?

What do you want to know?

Hey, don't look.

I can't do this much longer, man.

Well, you've got plans, have you?

I just want to know when it's going to be finished.

Think anything's ever finished?

Just when you thought that. There's always a bit more.

Hey, bit to do.

You back on the speed?

Four straight cups of coffee.

Made me sippy.

Fee -fi -fo -fum.

You think you're ready, but you're not.

Fuck it, Sparky. Yeah, I smelled it on you the moment I walked in.

Just like I sniffed your sister.

But you won't do it.

You know everything.

I know a bit.

Yeah, well, there's no point to anything, you know that?

Yep.

No point.

There's no point trying to stop it.

Are you ready this morning?

Yeah.

Mum. I'm not here to bully you.

I'm here to make an offer, and I want you to listen.

Why do you listen?

I know you don't want this baby, but if you have it, give it to me. I'll look

after it.

You want it more than you've got.

Well, you love them.

Once they're here, and even when they're not.

Having a baby, it's not the end of the world. Your life goes on, right?

I think it would be really good for Van.

Give him something to focus on now that he's coming right. How do you figure

that? Sorting all of Aurora's stuff out.

Giving up drinking.

Being such a sweetie again.

Yeah. It's like he's finally made peace with something.

Breaking the curse. Yeah, load of old rubbish that is.

He should have done it ages ago.

You alright?

Yeah. Yeah.

Um... Mum, thank you for the breakfast and I'll get back to you about the

Thought you might be Bruce.

Why the hell would Bruce be driving my car?

I don't know. We've been... Why is that important?

You have to do it properly.

Where is he? Who?

Van.

Imagine what you find in your granddad's caravan. Van's in there?

No, no, hooks.

You've got to do it with two hooks, not just a pussy string or the damn thing

won't hang straight. Where is Van?

He went off to Woodville to see the trees or some such.

Shit. Not in the best space, that boy.

You should look out for him.

See ya.

Do I look okay?

You've been fucking tested!

I don't have any trays.

What's happened?

Nothing.

How do you know I was here?

Spikey told me, and I figured that if you were going to do it, you might as

do it here where you were going to get married.

But you can't, Van.

You can't do it, because it would be really crap for everyone.

And Mum would get totally mental, and even Jethro would miss you, and I'd

ever forgive you.

And I'll have the fucking baby if that's what you want me to do, okay?

I'm not. I'm not going to let you do this, man. I'm not.

Honest, I've been stuck downstairs with Sparky for days. I come out here to get

some air and trees.

No. I know what you were doing. You were sorting shit out. You were clearing

shit up so you could go.

You are smart, aren't you?

You're way smart.

Except for getting knocked up like... Okay, fine.

But you can't do this.

I'm not.

Promise.

You're right.

I was going to.

Because I couldn't see the point in anything.

I'd really want to see her again, you know?

But then I realised that I was going to miss Mum heaps, and I was going to miss

Pascal's wedding, and she'd be real slutted, and Mutz wouldn't even talk to

And I was cleaning out my room, and there was just always more and more

And it's like Sparky says, you know, nothing's ever really finished.

Sparky?

Yeah. He's pretty onto it for a mad fucker.

So maybe you just keep on doing what's there till

you don't do it no more.

So are you doing it?

Yeah, I guess I am.

Yep.

Big person, man.

Lookie here.

One dead duck.

And his friend, another dead duck.

Yeah. Think I'll put them both in the same pot?

Maybe, if you chop the heads off.

Cool. You feel like roast duck?

Yeah, sure.

It doesn't look like me.

I only got this done so that Mum would have a picture of me, and that looks

nothing like me.

You could have used a turnip or something.

It is kind of like you, but more if you were a turnip.

What are you doing here? I thought you'd be off slicing it up with Brooke.

Don't speak to me.

Okay.

I don't want to talk about it.

Except to say, I hate you forever.

I thought that you and Bruce would always care about me, even if I did

to be stoned in the street. Don't you talk about him. Why not?

Because something terrible has happened. Something worse than terrible.

Shit, he did get bird flu. No.

It was this last night in this hotel in Gwanzu.

And they had this cable movie channel.

What's so bad about that?

Was it in Chinese or something?

Hey, I think they've got Monty Python on 67.

He saw it.

You weren't in China.

Ben, it was the movie.

What movie?

Her movie.

Hmm? Her movie.

And then he came in here.

To see you doing those things with all those people in front of my colleagues.

I didn't do anything.

Every manner of degradation known to humanity, you were doing it. What was

done to you?

I was just acting.

You let yourself be seen like that.

Every single part of yourself.

But often I had clothes on. You appeared willingly in that bonus.

Not exactly.

I was doing it for you. Oh, God, save me.

It wasn't that bad.

You've got to believe me. I've done worse things in real life. Don't touch

You're a monster.

But I love you.

You're my fiancé.

Whatever there was between us, I would not, could not marry you

if you were the last woman on Earth.

It was a monster.

Because of a movie.

Dan, shut up. Well, if he didn't like it, he just didn't have to keep

That's all I'm saying.

What did you do to it?

What did you put in that movie? It wasn't me. I didn't do it. How can you

that? It was Hayden. He recut it. He put all that stuff in. That's why I dumped

him.

Bastard. Yeah.

The whole bastard.

Fuck me dead.

You came all this way just to see me.

Nope. We're going to Waterworld as well. Oh, that's good.

But you wasted your money.

Because it's still not mine.

She is still a psycho.

And any child of hers will be the demon spawn of Satan.

Sure you don't want to reconsider that?

No.

Righto.

Right. What you gonna do? You gonna punch me?

I'll do.

This program was made with funding from New Zealand On Air.

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