Original subtitles

Hi, girl.

What the fuck? You don't know.

They were fucking on the couch when we got home.

Oh, damn. No.

They'll be, Dick. You'll see, Dick. Just not going in and out of Pascale. It's a

porn film.

Dick going in and out is what it's all about. It is erotica for women for the

last time.

Shitty. You're pissed. I nailed your mum. I get it. I can't do this.

Why are you breaking up with me? Yeah, because you're toxic.

I don't want you anywhere near my life.

Hello?

Oh.

Kind of killing the mood a little bit, Loretta. Oh, crap.

It's not your birthday, is it?

Or some stupid anniversary?

Because if this is like our we've been dating six months exactly today... Am I

an anniversary kind of guy?

No, but what's with all the candles?

Congratulations.

You're a real -life director.

Champagne?

Fuck champagne.

Tell me again.

You're the hottest, sexiest woman. No, dickhead.

It's a bit about the Asian distributor.

Cash. Kudos.

Biggest market in the world.

But it won't be seen here.

What's the point?

You got your copy?

Yeah, but what about this small but highly regarded festival where some

person spots my work?

Sounds far -fetched, but stranger things have happened.

I should let you know that the Asian version needed just a tiny bit of

retooling. What?

Don't panic.

It was just a language thing. There were cultural issues. Don't panic.

Nothing major, right? It was just a little bit of dubbing and that sort of

Hayden, this is my film you're talking about. My film. Why wasn't I there to do

it myself?

Because you don't speak Mandarin.

Mandarin? Yeah, it's in Chinese.

That's all it was.

You said retooling. I meant dubbing.

And I oversaw the whole process myself.

Not that I really understood it.

Fish. Good.

Cuts. We have to forget all about this one and start working on the next one.

I already have started thinking about it.

Horror?

Comedy? Psychological thriller.

Intelligent. Complex.

I've already done that line.

Well, now that you're a real -life director with a genuine credit, I

might like to take a little bit of time to celebrate.

That's what I am.

Finally, an actual director.

We've got corned beef tomorrow night.

You're welcome to come around if you want.

Thanks, Mrs West, but I have to decline.

Even though you do make the best cheese sauce.

Just pack it.

I never knew that.

Extra big serve for you. You can bring Casey.

I can't.

Whatever happened between you and Van, you can sort it, can't you?

Come on, Monty, you can tell me.

Sorry, Mrs West. No, no, call me Cheryl. I couldn't do that, Mrs West.

Monty, you and Van, you were it for each other ever since you met in Prima One.

I mean, God, you both pissed in the sandpit together.

I pissed further? Yeah, and we used to come and get you from school every day

because your mum forgot to pick you up. Oh, don't.

Van was so excited.

You know, he'd never had a friend like that before, not a real friend. Jethro

always ran them off.

They were not anymore.

Look, there's no more me and Ben, not after what happened. What did happen?

I mean, I know she brought him back from the Coromandel, bloody Drasker.

I just have to forget him, that's all.

Thanks for the beer, Mrs Weston.

You know, you know, she's still on scene, that's all. Yeah, no, of course

is. Don't you remember when she tried to trap him by pretending to be up the

duff and we started packing, you and me? Well, it was you, mostly.

Yeah, well, maybe he deserves it.

Come on, Mum.

Hey, you're squeezing those oranges yourself.

Retooling, is that what you meant?

Taking my film and sticking in disgusting shots of dicks and dildos and

and arseholes.

Yeah, I knew you wouldn't be happy.

Hayden, the shots don't even match. The lighting is shit and the way is that

Pascal.

Well, you know your own sister that well.

It's like...

You've taken bits of Z -grade porn and just slammed them in anywhere.

Oh, fucking hell, that is what you did do. Look, I was in a hurry, all right? I

had to do something.

No, you didn't. You wanted your film sold, and I got it sold.

That's not my film.

Well, parts of it are.

Except plot, character, anything resembling a story. Look, I tried to

version. Truly, I did, but nobody wanted soft core.

It is erotica, you fuckwit. Everybody said, too many talking heads, not enough

action, which, to be fair, It's pretty much what I was saying when we were

shooting it.

So you planned this from the beginning?

No.

But I wasn't. Oh, my God, you bastard!

Calm down, Loretta. Don't you tell me to calm down. You have killed me!

Piss off, honey. That was for Van. God, he's even worse than I am.

You must be so worried about him, the way he's acting right now.

I know he's trying to get over his grief, but it's kind of self

What do you think, Cheryl?

I think you should leave.

Someone's got to look after him. I mean, what do you want him out there nicking

cars and demoing bus stops?

Especially now that months are not around. What do you know about that?

Nothing. But at least Van's got me, right?

Oh, my God, are you crying?

You guys, come quick.

No, don't believe you. No, it's true. First of all, I heard the freaky noises,

and then I saw her face, and it was all kind of purple and pink, and there was

snot. Even when she was a baby, she never cried, just stared.

Loretta, we just want to help.

I'll take a photo.

Is Loretta in here?

You've done something to her. She's been bawling, apparently.

Eh?

No, Loretta doesn't cry.

Well, she does now.

Loretta?

Can I come in? Get lost.

Mum?

Hey, Phoebe.

I forgive you.

I understand that you didn't betray me, ruin my film deliberately. It was

something you had to do for the money.

Really? No.

Fuck off!

Look, the next film will be the one, all right?

We've got experience now. We've got connections.

We'll double the budget.

So we can have gold -plated dildos this time?

I know.

I know. I should have talked to you about it, but I just knew how attached

were to it. Oh, bullshit! You didn't think I'd ever find out.

Tell me.

What I need to do for us to get past this.

Seriously? Anything.

You know what you mean to me.

Okay.

Recall every single copy of the Asian version and take my name off it. It's

impossible. You said you wanted to make this right. I can't, all right? It is

not within my power and it would cost a fortune.

You said you'd do anything. Beretta, I am not going to recall the DVDs. Yes,

are. Be reasonable. Well, if you don't do that, then we're over.

Like an automaton. Well spotted.

Listen, I know you're upset. No, I am not upset. I am humiliated and furious

more betrayed than I've ever been in my entire fucking life. And if you even

gave a small rat ass, you'd do it.

I can't.

Then we're over.

Well, Ted, might see you around, eh?

Oh, my God, you are so dumped.

OK, here's what I think.

She went to the Coromandel, she got to Van and she stood something up with

Munter. What?

Drasca, she broke them up. Oh, it wasn't her.

Who was it then? I can't.

Swollen to secrecy. Fuck that, Casey. Come on, who was it? This is so awful

so appalling. You do not want to know.

Look, Van and Munter have never had a fight. Not a real one. They're like

brothers. Yeah, except a brother does not do that to his brother. And not with

his brother's mother.

What?

Oh, crap.

Van.

Van and Carl?

Oh, please don't say anything to Munter. He'll kill me if he finds out. Jesus

Christ.

And he got her pissed first.

Ah, right. Well, that bloody explains it. What are you saying about Munter's

mum? Carla will go anything in trousers when she's not pissed.

And who put her back there? In front of her own son?

Oh, Munter wasn't there.

In the grip of a full body stone?

Watching his best friend and his mother?

You know, nine months she'd been on the wagon.

Munter was so proud of her.

Then along comes Van.

Poor Munter. It's like reliving his childhood, except this time the loser

shagging his mum with his best friend.

Yeah, all right.

Yeah, well, now you know you can stop trying to fix things because there's no

point. No, Van's going to apologise. I'll make him. Yeah, well, maybe things

better this way.

No, Munter's not happy. I know he's not. Yes, he is.

I mean, I know he gets a bit wistful when he listens to ACDC or eats fish and

chips or rolls a big one, but he's better off without Van.

You can't say that. Excuse me, but I can.

I have finally found myself a sweet, sensitive guy with a huge todger who

that four players more than buy me a rum and coke at the pub. So I'll be fucked

if I'm going to see your son lead him astray and land him in jail.

No offence.

Hey, you okay?

Piss off.

So, did he cheat on you?

Because, you know, I would kind of be like Karma.

You know, because you got with Hayden right after me.

Not that I care now because I've got Bruce, but it was still totally wrong.

He didn't screw anyone else, just my film.

Is that out already?

Only in Asia.

No one will see it here.

Oh, fantastic.

It's not fantastic, and I don't want to talk about it.

Look, you haven't done the whole breakups thing, and I have heaps.

Well, normally I'm the one doing the dumping, not the other way around, but

however it happened...

You still have to pass through the stages.

I don't need this shit. Yeah, you do.

No, I don't.

Because Hayden can't do this to me, and pretty soon he's going to realise it.

That is so positive.

Revenge is the first stage. I mean, personally, I think the best thing is

go right out there and sleep with his best friend.

Oh, wait. No, that's the other way.

Pascal, I can do this my own way.

Okay, but if you need me... I don't.

Well, when you're at the depressed, angry... Why wasn't I good enough for

undersized prick stage?

I'll be here.

I won't do that.

Ever.

Sure you won't.

Van.

Van.

Van Fook.

I know what happened in the car, man.

Oh, sleep.

How could you do that to Munter?

You don't treat your friends like that, Van. You're only... Van!

Jesus, Van, look at me.

Van!

I want you to get round there and apologise to her. What's the point?

know you've been through a terrible time. Don't get this shit! I do.

I do.

Baby, do you need pole blazers?

Um, 21st is tonight.

I thought we could go.

She's a stupid mole.

All the more reason why we should go.

If you want to.

No. No, you're out of here.

You're out of my house. She's staying. She's not welcome here then. She's

staying.

Shit! Bitch!

It's okay, I'm fine.

Really?

Took your time.

Yeah, I couldn't bail on my client, sorry.

Oh.

This is definitely one of her better ones. Yeah?

Yep. She's graduated from frozen chicken.

How does that make this one better?

Obviously, Hayden. You've never had a chicken rotting under your floorboards.

Her former math teacher really regretted failing her. Mate, did you just get on

with it?

I haven't had a pit since lunchtime.

Expensive trousers?

Extremely. Bye, mate.

It's all good.

Loads of fun.

G'day, David.

I know why she's doing this.

She wants my attention, right?

She ain't gonna get it.

No response whatsoever.

All this shit that she's ruined?

All replaceable by insurance.

She ain't gonna get to me.

Cheers. Cheers, mate.

Can you smell that?

What?

I said this girlfriend of yours... Oh,

shit!

Glue.

Hair removal cream.

Bitch!

Hey,

you

got any plasters? I've ripped my feet apart while I was walking home on my

Ouija. Shame it was just your feet.

Um, Van wanted to get a taxi tonight, and at the same time he wanted to grab

cash box.

But I said, nah, babe, bad idea.

Because I care.

Richard!

Coming, baby.

All right, you pasty slapper, I get your point.

Well, no, Cheryl, I don't actually think you do.

Because we all know that Van's only listening to one person right now.

And that's yours truly.

Me.

So it'd be a good idea to be a little bit more fucking polite.

To you.

Well, if you're a little bit nicer, then I'd be much more inclined to help.

Jesus, you little fucking bitch. Hey, hey, hey.

Yeah.

I need to go look after my boyfriend.

Go bloody then.

What happened to the great reunion?

It's harder than I thought.

We'll give it a couple of weeks.

Once he'll get over it, and he'll be back at your dinner table, stinking and

and eating all the best roast potatoes.

Don't think so.

Jesus.

I feel like I've lost him.

She is all over him like a maggot, and he led to her.

Look, you were prepared to chuck him out before.

Maybe that's what you have to do.

God knows what would happen to him, mate.

Look, Trask is a menace.

But maybe she's better than nothing. No, I do not kowtow to that little hobo.

Look, come on.

Okay, okay.

He's going to get sick of her eventually.

I got your message.

Good. Who are you calling a chicken?

If you have issues, Loretta, do the mature thing and come and talk to me,

alright? Alright.

Rusty Nail, one hour.

You owe

me for

my car, my furniture and my appliances.

Take it out of the profits from your porn film.

What profits?

What if I'm only just breaking even?

What if I only went into it because of a certain person and her persuasive

powers? Who would that be?

Are you done with the bunny boiler act yet? That depends. Have you recalled the

DVDs and taken my name off?

Not going to happen.

I always get what I want, Hayden.

And what do you really want?

You know what I want.

Not this time, sweetheart.

Is that your final word?

No, not quite.

Mess with my hair again and you'll be really sorry.

You met with me.

You never had a film career until you met me.

In fact, there was something else you'd never had, wasn't there?

What was it?

You and I both know this is an offer.

Yeah?

Take my name off, and we're back in business.

Ma.

Thought you might say that.

I still invest a baby, unless you get a better offer.

Words of the wise.

You don't put your persons up in the bogs in this establishment.

It is frequented by good, hard -working family men.

Eh?

And those guys.

Damn it.

Damn it, Fox Club.

Hello, my love.

You want some breakfast?

How about I get you some water? Come on, let's go and get some water. Hey, you

know what?

I've actually got some southern comfort under the bed.

Come and have some breakfast, Ben.

It's going to be okay.

No, it's not.

I'll say one thing for that girl. She's got stamina.

She's got a fucking nerve is what she's got.

Okay, now I'm really worried.

It's called eating. It's what people do when they're not models. No, upset

people lose their appetite, so they eat way too much to fill the void.

Go away with your stupid stages.

Well, they're there for a reason.

So you can annoy me? If you're not up to wallowing, you should be up to getting

pissed and partying out with your friends.

You don't have any.

Look, maybe I'm not like other people.

Hey, with your first boyfriend, you were really upset.

You can't be up to recovery yet. You haven't even slept with anyone else.

I'm way too busy for that.

Anyway, Hayden will come to his senses.

How do you know that?

Because I've made a list and I'm working through it.

A list?

Of his weak points.

You mean you're still on stage one?

He's got a lot of weak points.

Like his crap in the mornings.

Really crap?

And he's way, way too fond of his car.

And he hates insects.

Especially arachnids.

Yeah, that got his attention.

Okay, I don't get this.

He didn't cheat on you. He didn't give you crabs. He didn't select your best

friend. What he did was way worse than that.

It was just a dumb movie.

And if he thinks he can get away with it, he's wrong.

He also thinks that bullets bounce off him.

Also wrong.

Did you shoot Hayden? Don't be stupid. That would land me in jail.

I did this instead.

Oh my god, you didn't. Expensive per word, but worth it.

This isn't normal.

I thought it was stage one.

No, ripping up clothes, sleeping with friends, that's revenge.

This is... This is like that old movie, you know, with the woman with the bad

spiral perm and the rabbit.

Fatal attraction, yeah, but unfortunately Hayden doesn't have a pet.

All my Christmases at once, I was checking to see if the cancer had got

already. Yeah, we'll have fun.

And there it was.

Hayden, poof, defeated.

Popped his club.

No.

Really?

That's not true.

Don't ruin my day.

I had the early morning serenade. Yeah, ha, ha, the pervs and the weirdos. I

just changed my number. But the spider and the damage to my car and now this.

I didn't say what you died of. My mother nearly had a heart attack.

The staff at my rest times are freaking out. My fucking brother -in -law turned

up to get my car before anybody else could claim it.

Hey, I'm starting to think maybe your sister's got a mental illness.

She's a 17 -year -old with a broken heart. How many of them do crazy shit

this, huh?

We hear to 10 o 'clock. Yeah, we do.

Can we finish this later? We fucking can't because this is the last draw.

What's going on?

Hayden's an old friend of mine. Not for much longer.

Can you give me 10?

Glad you can spare the time, mate.

There you go. And you've actually got nine bucks in late fees, but it's okay.

You can get it next time.

Oh, you're in good shape.

Someone whose ex just died.

I'll live.

Hayden's mother might not.

She's been admitted to hospital suffering shock.

When Hayden turned up to reassure her, she thought he was back from the dead.

Well, if Hayden wants to stop this, then he knows what he needs to do.

Jesus. Loretta, give it up. Death Row, your opinion really doesn't matter

because you don't know anything about Loretta. It was a business deal that

didn't go your way, so now you're having a little tantrum.

It was a bit more than that, actually. It's not going to be the last time

someone screws you over, right? So suck it up. He wasn't just someone. He was

the person who was supposed to know me better than anyone in the world. Now, he

knew how much that movie meant to me, so why would he do that?

And then to not even apologise? To just walk away like I'm nobody, like I'm some

stupid girl who doesn't even matter?

What?

Oh, shit.

A word of advice.

Making someone's life a living hell ain't going to get them to come back to

I do not want him to come back to me. I don't want to even see him again,

actually. Well, this is a lot of investment for someone you don't care

Jethro, it's a matter of pride. You don't fuck around with it and get away

it. You're playing that card now, are you?

Jethro, I do not love him. I hate him. And that's why I'm doing this.

Very disappointed.

And Loretta? That it wasn't true.

No joke, Grandpa.

She's gone beyond revenge into something else.

She's going to end up with the cops for mental health. Over that wanker.

Yep.

She loves him.

Someone has to talk to her.

Flush.

Might have put me back in the shower as well.

Well, you sure could use one.

You motherfucking father.

Well, he's not here, is he?

You want to go low, lower than low, I don't care, but you don't do this.

What, is this more shit about Manta? This is about you breaking your mother's

heart.

Now, I don't know why or how, but that woman loves you no matter what you do.

And you can piss on anything else, but you don't piss on that.

You okay, babe?

Yep.

That wanker.

He's not dead.

Cheryl said it was a misprint.

I saw him in here trying to pick up men, you know. I always knew he was a homo.

Well, Loretta will go back to being a dyke now.

You what?

Oh, it's all so confusing.

Don't look now, Stubb Muffin.

Don't worry, baby, we don't have to talk to that loser.

Shall we go?

It's half -price drinks for ladies at the Hotline and Binker.

No.

Is that a local? Is that a local?

You're such a bum.

Hi, do you sell silicone spray? It's a heavy -duty metal lubricant.

Silicone spray.

Yeah. Funny on toilet seats, but dangerous on doorsteps and driveways.

Rita had a few fallings out in her time.

Nyree Munro, for starters.

Lefty's wife.

They never spoke again after the incident with the rat poison.

Only one person your grandmother hated more than Nyree.

Bert Thompson.

She hated him on account of the Smith & Coey cock -up.

But there was someone worth.

Sputty Pants.

Yeah, we call her Mum or Cheryl.

Rita got a few hits in, then she realised.

Sputty held all the cards.

You kids.

She could take you away from Rita any time. So she did something I never

she'd do.

Worse than rat poison.

She apologised.

She had to.

She loved you kids.

If you're going to destroy someone, Loretta, you have to make sure you never

want to see that person ever again.

And I don't know why you'd ever want to see him again.

Hayden bloody Peters.

and you were in here, I would have waited.

Don't want you pissing yourself on my account.

Well, wouldn't I?

No. You got a good bladder.

I'm staying full camp.

Matter, matter.

You didn't go for a whole day because there's a dead bird in the urinal.

I shifted it.

You're too pussy.

I'm up.

Here.

I, um... What's this? You better get out of here. Girl fight.

I was here first, you old hoe. Old? I'm 30, and how old are you, you fat, ugly

slag? What the fuck did you say to me, bitch? This is bad.

I can't just break it up.

You've got to fuck us over there.

I'll just do it like it. I'll just fucking call it.

I'll fucking touch her.

Fuck you.

Fuck you. No, fuck you. No, fuck you, bro. No, you.

Fuck you. Fuck you.

Fuck you.

You're bleeding.

Come have a drink.

Oh, it fucking hurts.

Come on, baby, you've got to disinfect it.

I know it stinks, but it's going to help you.

What the hell's happening now, Van?

Instead of what, you should be asking who.

It's your precious mother, actually.

What, Mother Smack Van? There's a whole pile full of witnesses if you don't

believe me.

You OK?

Yeah. Yeah, couldn't be better.

Playing on your own?

Practicing.

I'm really sorry for hitting your son with his whisper. It had to be done, you

know. It's about time someone smacked him. He's been a real shit lately.

Yeah.

Thing is, now that you've got it out of your system, maybe you guys can sit down

and sort it out.

It ain't gonna happen.

Oh, isn't it what you guys do? You just sort of smack each other around a bit

and then it's all best buddies?

Yeah, it's a relationship that's run its course.

No, Munter.

Yeah, with respect, Mrs West, you don't know.

Well, I do.

Eh?

Who told you?

Oh, it doesn't matter.

What matters is the fan of the mess.

And he's sorry.

No, he's not.

Look, we had a good thing, OK? The best.

And it became abusive, and there's only one way to deal with that. Only because

he's fucked in the head and dragging himself down. Yeah, and I've got to walk

away from that.

Is this Casey talking?

No, it's me.

Stop hassling me about it. No, no, Manta, I'm not hassling you, aren't you?

don't contact me anymore, OK?

Eh?

It's been really nice knowing you, Mrs West. You know, I've enjoyed the roast

chickens and the sausage rolls and the ice cream, you know, with the chocolate,

strawberry and vanilla in.

The Neapolitan.

And I'm going to miss the, um... the way you've always got clean towels and

spare bulk paper.

How you made me feel like I was part of your family. No, don't do this, Munter.

Look, we can't see each other again.

Except, you know, it's in the car park I heard your mum when I'm picking up

Casey.

Or a supermarket.

Or a pub.

But anyways, you know, thanks for everything.

Really, thanks.

All right, this is what I want.

Vance to get a job.

Full or part -time? Full. I want him occupied and out of the house.

Okay. And he's not to drink.

Can't give you that. I can give you cutting down light beer, maybe? All

but he's not to fight, steal or vandalise, and he's not to get arrested.

That's a lot of demand.

You're talking the talk. It's time to walk the walk.

Oh, I'm not going anywhere.

But I have a few conditions.

More fucking politeness?

I am to be treated with respect from everyone here, including Loretta, and

especially from you.

No one is to call me a hoe, a whore, a slut or a slapper. Ripped back's okay

though, eh?

Chuck.

No name calling, no insults.

I'm to be treated as a member of the family.

Can't do that if we can't call you names.

But fine.

What I'd like most of all is an apology from you.

I want you to say, I'm sorry.

To you?

What for?

For punting me in the face.

For humiliating me.

For ruining my wedding.

And for accusing me of faking a pregnancy. You did fake a pregnancy. I

care. I still want an apology. And I'm not going anywhere until I get it.

Oh, for fuck's sake, all right.

You're a fag.

What's this?

Why don't you put the fine down and get off my property?

Why are you selling your house?

I'm leaving.

Leaving?

Where, the street, the suburb?

Look, I'm going to tell you.

Hayden, I'm here to tell you that

I'm sorry.

Well, you're trespassing.

Didn't you hear me?

I want to apologize.

Get off my property right now or I'll call the cops.

Because of a few harmless pranks.

Harmless?

I'm going nuts.

Every day wondering what fresh horror is going to faze me. Jesus Christ, I can't

sleep at night for fear that my house is going to burn down.

Oh, come on. You know I'm not that psycho.

It was a game, that's all.

A game?

Yeah. And I thought you'd give in. Go.

Get out of here now. No.

I can't.

What I mean is... I'm sorry.

Good on you.

Bye. You're not listening to me.

I'm sorry.

Well, sorry doesn't cut it, Loretta. All right? Sorry doesn't even go halfway

there. Not after what you put me through. Well, what about I love you?

Hayden, I honestly love you.

And... And it's not just a crappy song. It's why I was hurt and why I was

freaking out and why I was maybe handling things a bit badly. And it's

cannot go.

Are you high?

No.

No, I love you. I never want to see you again.

No, you can't. You are a nut bar, all right?

You're a wacko. And I don't want to see you ever again.

I wish I'd never met you.

Get out of my life.

It's not that hard, Ciro.

What if you want my help?

Truly and sincerely sorry for all the

pain and unfairness I've inflicted on you, Drasca.

I'm sorry for pissing you off and for slapping you, for stuffing up your

and for saying you weren't pretty. I fucking apologise.

You don't know how much that means to me, Cheryl.

So do we have a deal?

Something snaps and life dissolves.

And the furthest of your minds resolves.

You're on the dark side.

You're on the dark side.

You're on...

So bizarre.

Pascal.

You know the breakup stages?

There was the wallowing stage and then the... You mentioned a stage about

getting pissed.

Yeah. But you didn't mention the stage where your stomach's filled with

writhing.

And your heart...

Shush.

This program was made with funding from New Zealand On Air.