Original subtitles

You are a heartless bitch and a liar, and I think that you're happy that Dad's

most likely dead, so you can go on rooting that cop.

Go to class, keep your head down, and keep me informed.

Cash on Fridays, and a new mattress in my bed in the adult section.

As long as you keep getting the grades.

Bye, Graves.

I watched you try and turn things around for you and your family, but you

couldn't. You had an anchor around your neck, and his name was Wolf.

I freed you, and that's enough for me.

I'm going to say speak before they all get hammered.

Okay. Hello?

Excuse me.

Hey, everyone, get the fuck out here or I'll hide all the piss.

I'm coming.

Great.

Right, um...

Okay, everyone, I'd just like to thank you all for coming here to help us

celebrate the opening of Unit 4, Riesling Court, the new home of Hoochie

This is a really exciting... Big

engine, small duck.

Oh, have you been looking at a lot of things?

Sorry, I'm late.

Yeah, this is a really exciting time for all of us. It's like we've actually

graduated into becoming a real actual business now.

It's been lots of long hours for all of us, but special mention here to the

sales team, Tracy and Casey.

Because of them, Hoochie Mama has been busting out all over the top half of the

North Island. Yeah!

The Waikato's been going wild for our Roxanne Roxanne put on that red light

range. So, zero taste from the Waikato.

And the housewives of Howick have been going nuts over our Madam Butterfly fuck

me, fuck me set.

And to keep up with all the extra demand, we've got three new hoochie

Sunyi, Millie and Shirley.

Hello, nice to meet you.

Great.

Well, me and the hoochie girls, we just want to...

Me and the Hoochie Girls, we just want to say thank you for all your support

for helping us get where we are today.

Tears. Okay, you've tried to cut the ribbon. Who wants to come?

Hoochie Mama!

Hey, Hoochie Mama!

Hoochie Mama!

His one's much bigger than yours. Ah, bite me.

I hate this.

Why? Because no one's looking at you.

Thank you.

Pleasure.

Is there anyone?

Who said you could turn up?

It's not your party, old man.

You can put your dick in a slutty pants and a slutty knickers, but you won't

change what we think of you.

You're a swine.

A porker. That's enough, Ted.

I'll top you up. Yeah.

Jesus,

old man.

Ted. That's what we think of porkers.

You and my brain.

Pissing your opinion? You don't express your opinion by pissing on someone.

What happened here?

Oh, we had a bit of a party.

I haven't had a chance to clean up. As if she cares. Two busy sucking corks hot

with... That's enough. No food in the house, not even a bog roll.

We were going to shop.

Yeah, but we have money problems.

The kind where there is no money? He could see the place now.

Who? You know who.

Hey, let's get one thing straight.

Wolf is not some... saint in heaven. He's a crim who did a runner. And who

him tilly? He drove himself.

Slut. Huffy.

Dirty. Stop out.

What? Nothing.

Maybe I should go check on Grandpa.

Grandpa can rot in the caravan till tea time at least.

Are you cooking? Yeah, I have been known to in the last 20 years.

Not lately.

I've been busy with work. Is that what you call it?

Well, at least Loretta's been doing really well.

I have.

Second in the freestyle is a great achievement.

Freestyle what?

Swimming sports.

It was in the school newsletter.

It's there with the mail.

Hmm, IRD.

Shit, who gave them our address?

I did. Why?

Got a proper business now. It's time to do things properly.

Oh, the bloody bastards.

They're auditing Hoochie Mama.

Is that bad?

Well, they go through all your financial records, and if you've missed anything,

they give you a massive fine. But I'm sure since you're doing things

Careful, Tracy.

Cheryl West.

Yes, I do know Pascal West. Why? What's she done?

I was not shoplifting.

It was an accident. What? So some lipstick, a couple of mascaras, and some

polish just fell into your boot? Well, my boots are kind of wide at the top. I

probably just bumped some shoving as I went past.

Bullshit. It's true.

It's crap.

You don't care about anything except your stupid underwear and your dumb

boyfriend. We don't even have any food anymore, which is why my boots are so

because my legs are wasting away. Oh, fair me. It's true.

I'm an innocent victim of too narrow shelving and lack of coordination

poor nutrition.

Did you get in the car?

What's this?

Uh, it's the... school newsletter, which I give you every week so you can

pretend you know what's going on at school. And which my mother reads every

week. Except, luckily, this week.

Like for you, my mum looked too particular.

Do you recall the rules we made when we started this arrangement?

Get good grades, don't stuff up. And don't get noticed.

What's this?

This is about me coming second in a freestyle, right?

Okay, I would have won, but I felt sorry for Ashley.

Ashley. Ashley Tavalo, she's my best friend.

He has a friend.

I can't just ignore people when they talk to me.

I've done it for years.

Ashley's cool.

She plays bass. We're going to start a band.

No, you're not.

Why? Because you're not musical. Because that is another way to get noticed.

From now on, there'll be no sport and no friends. Or I'll dock your pay.

Bitch! That's employer bitch to you. I give you a home, a roof over your head.

sleep in the porn section on a manky mattress.

For free. You get to live for free. You exploit me. I go to school all day, come

back, run the store, do my assignments and get up at five for swim training.

Well, I've solved that problem for you. You don't need to train anymore because

you're not swimming.

Why not?

Family reasons?

If there's any more sport, there'll be no more money.

We're perfectly clear on that.

Awesome roof, Mrs. Weiss. Mmm.

She's a goddess, all right.

Goddess of what?

Thought you were malnourished.

I'm too worried about my quarter parents to eat.

Don't worry. Your brother will deal with it.

Where are you going?

Out. What, again?

Yep. Have ice cream if you want pudding.

My life is in ruins and she's offering me ice cream.

She's a pokey pokey. She just wants me to be fat.

Pig fat.

She'll realise the mistake before long, Pascal, don't you worry.

Come on.

You don't mean to be celebrating.

What, Pascal getting arrested or me having the IRD on my tail?

Never raised but a piss in you.

So are you for the dry cleaning.

The old man's pretty up there.

And Ted wasn't expecting to see you.

Neither were you.

No. But I'm glad you turned up.

A lie.

Mm -hmm. That was really kind.

I can't stay.

Why not?

Because of everything, you know.

God, you look beautiful.

I'm wearing Madame Butterfly.

Which is driving them crazy and how, eh?

Feminine, but bloody.

Peels off in layers.

Really?

Go on, eh?

Show me.

Eric! Cheryl, what are you doing here? Eric, this is my fucking bed!

Yeah, well, I haven't exactly been using it lately.

Get the fuck out!

Oh, all right, well, there's no need to be aggressive about it. Well, you've

been sleeping in my bed.

A couple of days, and I sort of got kicked out of me own thing.

Eric, find somewhere else. You cannot sleep here.

I bet they made them bad as well.

Morning, Goose.

Hello. Good morning.

Do you have some shabby coffee?

Yes. Did you get my message about the IRD? Al, can you not speak so loud?

Well, we need to go over the list of your expenses from the white hat over

there, especially the ones marked entertainment.

All totally straight up and above board.

You won't say that when they've applied electrodes to your tender bits. They can

do that.

We have a career track here for Hamilton.

All my great work.

Where are the boxes?

By the door.

Really?

Packed them in boxes. They were here last night. I know because I tripped up

over them on my way out.

Well, they're in here now.

Who locked up last night?

Me.

I think.

Oh, God. I was just so pissed.

We've been robbed.

Brilliant.

So I was about to leave.

Oh, and then I needed a Tammy because I was, like, flooding.

So I went back to the loo. God, is this going to take all day?

You have periods.

You could be sympathetic.

I never ever flood.

Well, aren't you the queen of tidy menstruation? Can we get on with this,

please?

So I got all that sorted.

Oh, and then I tripped up over the boxes.

So I got up and I went to the door. Yeah, and forgot to lock it.

Oh, shit.

Cheryl.

I'd finished the magnum. You know, it just seemed rude not to.

Jesus, Casey. There were thousands of dollars worth of stuff in those boxes.

You think I don't know that?

You think I wanted to waste weeks of my life in the Waikato? We'd better call

the cops.

Do we have to?

Yeah, we have to. Insurance.

Someone insured us.

Unreal.

You see, when that's not locked, it goes

up and down like a lift at the Skytel. Yeah, not helping, Wayne.

You know what your other employees were doing last night? Yeah, the Hong Kong

girls went to their Bible class.

Right. Well, they wouldn't like the stuff.

Neither would Casey.

I've got heaps already.

Who else was here last night?

Just friends and family.

Usual suspects.

What are you thinking?

Cheryl, how many of your friends and family have criminal records?

Or an eye to the main chance?

I think it was someone I know.

Nah, bollocks. They wouldn't do that to me.

Not my own family.

Nah.

Hey there, Mrs West. Home already?

Yep, looks that way.

Go on.

Okay. Does anyone know the whereabouts of eight boxes of lingerie which were

taken from our premises last night?

What are you asking us for?

Sleep with a pig thinking like a pig.

We wouldn't take your knickers if they're for fat people.

Yeah, well, somebody did.

Is she awake?

Yep.

Yeah?

Is she?

Really?

That's amazing.

I had no idea about that.

Really? Okay. I'll ask her about that and I'll get back to you.

Sure. Bye.

That was Mr. Grey.

Your swimming coach.

Yeah.

But... He's concerned that you've given up your training for family reasons.

Well, things are just a bit dressy at the moment, you know, with Dad and

everything. Didn't even know you could swim.

You took me lessons.

You sat on the side of the pool and screamed until I took you home.

Well, I'm making up for lost time, I guess.

Mr. Gray says you're one of the most naturally gifted swimmers he's seen in

a long year.

Really?

Oh, that's why I know him.

Can we get on with this, please?

Sure. This way.

If I even need a drink, I know where to come.

I did not steal your stupid knicker.

Oh, I know, I know. I've just got to check anyway.

Why? Don't you trust me?

We're done here.

What are you going in there for?

Hardly anything for me.

Oh, my God. What have you got?

Undies.

Undies? No, no, vans, undies, all folded and clean.

Oh, my God.

It's like origami. Thanks.

I sort of have a talent for folding.

Well, we've seen enough here.

You've no right to come in here. It's an invasion of my privacy. And your

mother, there's no such thing. Come on, out of the way.

I wouldn't steal your ugly knickers if they were the last thing on earth.

They're not in there.

You'd better pick that up.

Where'd you get all this?

Shops. What, they just fell in your boots, did they?

Busted. So busted.

No, I took them. Is that what you want to hear?

Why? Well, why not more like?

My heart is broken.

My career is in tatters. I've got no money and no future.

And stealing lip glosses are answers.

Shut up, you. Just shut up. This has nothing to do with you. You don't know

anything about my life. Hey, hey, come on.

Never here.

I feel like an orphan that nobody loves and I've got nothing to live for.

Oh, sweetheart.

Why did you get your swim coach to call my mother?

I tried to stop him, but he was really upset I quit the squad. He thinks I'm

most natural gift of someone he can imagine. I heard.

You're fucking with me. I won't have that.

You're not the one who actually has to swim, you know that, right?

Yes, I know that, but if I want my mother to believe I'm swimming, I'll

get up at five o 'clock every morning. Stop ruining your speedo.

It's about time this thing cut both ways.

Yes, I'm calling about Loretta West.

I'm her mother and we've just got the test results back from the doctor.

Oh, no, no, no, she's fine. It's just that they do confirm that it is

cryptosporidium. So unfortunately, her going into the pool would be a risk to

the other students.

Yes, she is very disappointed about that.

Okay, great. Thank you.

Hey, are we claiming depreciation on those sewing machines? If they

any quicker, we'd be sewing by hand.

Oh.

Well, you've got to go.

Cheryl, we have to get our shit together unless you really want the idea to have

us together.

I know, I know, but there's somewhere I've got to be and then I've got to go

home. Why?

Why do I have to go home?

Can't they look after themselves?

Oh, you saw the state Pascal was in.

Oh, well, you believe that shit.

She's been through a rough time lately.

Some of you seem to be doing okay. Yeah, it's not just her, though. Ted's being

a pain.

Eric's more of a mess than usual.

And Aurora's trying, but... Oh, excuse me, but...

How many of these people are actually related to you? Well, they kind of come

a package deal.

Meaning you let them infest your house and pay for their lives? No.

Well, you feed them and you house them, therefore you're paying for their lives.

Well, someone's got to. Do you really trust them to?

What has this got to do with you anyway?

I just can't believe what I'm hearing.

If I tried this kind of crap on you... Oh, Cheryl, please look after me. I'm

useless. You'd kick my butt from here to Chinese New Year and I'd bloody well

deserve it.

These people are a pack of ticks letting you dry. And then, when things don't

turn out the way they want, they blame you for it and you let them.

Worse, you defend them.

They are my family, mostly.

Yeah, sure.

But if you don't get them to stand on their own two feet, you'll never, ever

have a life. Ticks have more than two feet.

You know I'm right.

Yeah, yeah, but I've still got to go.

I thought you were coming over for dinner. No, I'm sorry. I had IAD and all

stuff. You could have called. I know. I'm sorry.

I can't stay.

You always say that. I know, but this time I really can't stay.

Then why did you come over?

Because I said I would.

And I really wanted to see you.

There's a simple solution here. What?

I could come to your place.

Bad idea.

Good idea is that you kiss me again.

Well, we've found a time limit.

Which part of don't sleep in my bed did you not understand?

Sort of between places at the moment. Sleep downstairs.

It's cold down here. You think I'll give a flying fuck? I know you won't, but

Cheryl! Do you think I should just take this? Is this what you think? Come on,

get up. Get up now. Hey, uh, Mum.

Keep it down, then. No, I'm not going to keep it down. And while you're up, you

can stay up and get your sisters as well.

What, now?

Hey, what is your point?

Under your ass if you don't get up.

What time is it? Time we started the sit -down. You completely lost it. No, no,

I have found it. There are going to be some changes as of tomorrow.

Not this bloody thing again.

Since you opened your mouth first, I'll start with you. I want you to start

paying board.

I already give you 20 bucks every time I can.

Okay, well, from tomorrow, I'm going to start a direct credit from your bank

account. I haven't got a bank account. Open one tomorrow.

It's not that hard, hon. Aurora, look, I really appreciate your help, your

cooking and your cleaning, and that's good in place of board. But if you want

stay here, you need to get a job.

Munter, you are welcome to crash here sometimes, but if you're going to stay

every single meal, how about some bloody koha?

Yeah, sweet.

Same for you, Eric.

I'm not a bloody Maori.

And if I catch you in my bed again, I will kill you in your fucking sleep. Do

you understand me?

All right, head.

No more crap from you, because I have had it up to here. It's my bloody house.

And I pay the bills, so pull your fucking head in.

All right, you.

You concentrate on your schoolwork and your swimming.

And you, I will deal with tomorrow.

All right.

Now, I want my knickers back.

Now, I don't care who took them or why, but somebody in this room stole my

knickers and I want them back.

So I want this person to own up, apologise and return the merchandise.

Or what? You'll get your boyfriend to arrest us. And if that doesn't happen in

the next 24 hours, all of you can sling your hook.

You can depart.

You can get out of this house and not come back.

Pascal, there. You don't want to be late for the lawyer in the morning.

I'm not a dog. Dogs are more obedient.

Let's go down to her.

You know what got into her four inches, the Captain Cooker. She just wants her

knickers back.

Yeah, we haven't got them.

It was Pascal, obviously.

Where's the evidence?

She's a kleptomaniac and she's not here.

Excellent. Let's blame her. She hates fat lady undead. Yeah, the person we're

looking for has a motive. You know, someone who either loves knickers or

Cheryl or thought she wouldn't miss a few boxes. Now she's got all rich.

You seem to know a lot about it.

It's like CSI.

You work through the suspects and it's usually some chick you forgot about

because you had a smoke in the middle.

Well, I don't give a shit. I'm not giving in to her, Black Man.

Okay, look.

We've got to fill this out or she's going to chuck us out, all right?

No, she won't. She said she would. She's our mum. Her life has no meaning

without us.

So? We just buy her a bunch of flowers, pretend we're sorry, and then tomorrow

things will go back to normal.

Excellent idea.

Great. Night.

So how are we?

Don't ask.

Sit. I'm not a dog.

OK.

So we enter with a plea of not guilty. No, she's pleading guilty.

What? Mum, this isn't exactly her first offence.

Yeah, exactly.

Do you want me to hang? Too bad. She did it. She's pleading guilty.

You don't get to tell her what to plea. That's my job. If your client doesn't

like it, she can take a freeloading butt and move out of my house.

This is not ethical.

Neither is stealing, lying or slobbing around like a beached white whale.

Oh, so you're calling me fat now. I'll do whatever it takes.

Tracy was right.

She was absolutely right.

Tracy? What's she got to do with it? Well, in her tactless Chinese way, she

bang on the money. A total inspiration.

So, you will plead guilty, you will be punished, there will be no flim -flam

from you, and you will take it without a whimper.

I should be at school.

Crypto -spiridium?

It's an infectious waterborne tummy thing.

Yeah, yeah, I know what it is.

They won't let me in the pool.

Oh, I'm sorry to shatter your Olympic dreams.

Do you get off on being a bitch?

No, I'm not emotional about it at all, actually.

Did you forget your homework?

Crypto thing came back.

So I had to come home. If you can call this place a home.

It's a shame it had to strike during my film and TV class.

The thing with having a bug like this is that it can come back at any time.

Even during exams.

I won't pay you. And I won't get you into film school. And I'll kick you back

out onto the street. And I'll tell your mother what you've been doing all these

school days.

Think about it.

And don't get emotional.

These are all legitimate business expenses.

Mail escort in Hamilton.

Cheryl, I get lonely on the road and horny.

God, it's an occupational hazard.

Show ponies, all male review.

Hello, I designed slutty lingerie. I need to get my inspiration from

The IRD are going to laugh at me and then they're going to come down on us

a ton of bricks. This is all her fault.

Oh, God. No, ever since she came in, she's been gunning for me.

We used to have a real good time, you and me and Rochelle.

And then she got rid of Rochelle. Rochelle's on maternity leave.

It's all receipts now.

Receipts and car logs and stained and skanky motels. Do you want us to go out

business?

You've got a mean Cheryl.

Real mean after all I've done.

Shit.

Don't.

Well, she did help start the company.

Yeah, but it was a two -bit backroom operation that wouldn't have lasted

minutes without you.

You're not here to be taken advantage of, Cheryl. You're here to run a

Hold the line or they're going to break you.

Go to Mrs. West.

Munter? I've got that koha. I'm boiling it up right now.

A nice pig's head.

Right. You idiot.

Pig's head.

Oh, shit, shit.

Mrs. West, I didn't mean nothing by it.

It's a nice juicy one.

Yeah, and I've got you these.

Remember those good times?

Rum and cake.

And I got my bank account done today. Yeah, you did. I can testify to that.

the flowers.

Do you like them?

Yeah, yeah, they're nice. Thank you. Joyce.

Okay, and what about the missing items?

They haven't turned up.

What? A few knickers. I mean, what's the matter?

It matters to me, Eric.

Well, so what? You're still going to chuck us out? I told you she'd turn into

Nazi. A Chinese nut. You're like Tracy.

You said she'd roll over.

I didn't think you'd say that.

You did.

You know, if Dad was here, you wouldn't be doing this. Well, he's not here,

right? All you care about is your knickers and the IID.

Some things need to change around here, Pascal.

You're the one who's changed, not us.

It's like you hate us. All of us. Don't throw a tiger. You know what? I don't

hate you, Pascal. It's just...

Peace, girl.

Hypothetically, what do you do when someone won't do what you say and always

just turns things against you and then just when you think you've screwed them,

they always have another move?

Is this about Mum?

No, Mum's just gone mental. This is someone else.

What, someone else got one over you?

No.

Can I get their autograph?

Look, for once in your life, can you just act like a proper big brother and

me actual advice?

All right.

Well, you either hit them where it hurts. Yeah, I've tried that.

I won't have the sense to know when you're beaten.

How's that work?

Concede, compromise.

Negotiate.

You mean do what someone else wants. I know, disgusting as it sounds.

Oh, look, little Miss Popular.

Which, coming from you, do you realise my entire family now hates you?

Yeah, not really scaring me that much.

Oh, whatever.

And hey, thanks for the great advice.

Oh, you're welcome.

Bye.

Let's get a nice dinner and then maybe turn on that red light.

Roxanne, crap song, but great g -string.

Hey, what did you say to my mother about Pascal?

I might have suggested she needs a wake -up call.

Don't interfere with my work.

She's a thief. She got caught.

So what? We should chop her hand off?

Wrong continent, kiddo.

You don't even like my mother. Yeah, she can be a cow.

But just when I'm starting to get her, she does this whole lay -down -for -the

-kids routine. That's what mothers do.

Well, it's wrong and pathetic.

Well, it's none of your business.

How is she supposed to concentrate on her business and the inland revenue when

she's running around after you lot? Right, so this is entirely selfish.

You're lucky to have a mother.

Not everyone does.

Look, what about Roxanne and the red light?

I have to deal with the IID and a boyfriend who's a selfish shithead.

Do you really think I'm still in the mood to pretend to be a prostitute?

Someone stole that stuff just to get at me and it's not as if I can fucking

afford it. God, none of them give a shit.

Then leave them. What?

Move in with me, then you don't have to deal with this shit ever again.

I can't do that.

Fuck you. What have they got over you?

I know I've done a shitty job, but they're my family, right?

Why is this all about you?

It's not.

I feel like some dirty secret that you keep in a drawer.

You're not that.

We never go to your place.

You didn't want me to come to the opening. You don't want me around people

know. That's because they all hate you.

What, you think I care about that?

You really want to come to my house?

I would like to sleep in your place with you.

So you've got one over him, right?

Who? Wolf. Of course, this is what this all comes back to, isn't it?

Does it? Yeah, that's what they're all fucked off at me for, for messing up

their world, making him leave.

I don't know what to say, Cheryl.

I only know how I feel. Pissed off with me by the sounds of things? No, no, no.

It's not all bad.

Most of the time it's pretty bloody good.

But if you love me, then why am I always on the outside?

I've got the IRD tomorrow.

What, I'm never ever going to see you again, ever, ever?

Back off.

I'm serious about that sleeping in your bed stuff.

I know you are.

If it's too hard, then, you know, I don't want to be some shithead hanging

around, wasting his life.

Oh, you're not.

I can't get by on promises, Cheryl.

I need the proof.

We could get a place together.

What could be better than him, eh? Yeah, I know.

Like that time your mum threw away that couch and we burnt it and she called the

fire brigade.

Hey,

babe.

Hey, hey. Take out those folds.

They sure are crispy folds.

Thanks.

I found these when I was ironing. It's a rock fan.

Do you learn them?

They're not mine.

It's like a clue. Where was it? In someone's pocket.

I had to soak the trousers because they were totally disgusting, like heaps of

ingrained stains in them.

Grandpa. No, these were very different stains.

Of course.

Of course not.

Here.

He's not here.

Don't touch the evidence.

Because later we'll find traces of lipstick or freaky poison and from that

reconstruct the whole crime.

You do realise you're not actually in CSI, eh, mate?

There are no knickers down here. I cleaned in here yesterday.

Then he stashed them somewhere.

In his car.

No. I made him take me to the supermarket.

There's lots of shit in his car but no knickers.

The shop.

That's where he stashed them if he nicked them to sell them. The shop.

Let's bust his knicker knicker man.

He could turn nasty.

On CSI, they sometimes do wink in front of you.

I could break Eric in half over my knee. All the same, you should probably just

stay here, babe.

You know, as a lookout.

And you call us if he turns up.

Okay?

Okay.

Oh, man, that is so freaky.

I hate to say this, man, but she looks kind of familiar.

Yeah, I ain't seen her.

She lives with you?

No, man, she lives here.

Look, the hair, the gear. She's even got a rum and coke.

No way.

Oh, he's really handy.

What if he...

More of them?

I can think of worse things.

Who? Oh, you know, you used to crime scenes like I am, bro.

You never watched CSI. What?

What are we doing?

Controlling the fucking offender is what we're doing.

Great try.

Have a good night.

Cheers.

We're closed.

It's not even ten.

We need to talk. About what?

About the things I've been considering. The vengeance I could wreak upon your

life. The viral text campaign that would leave you without a friend in the

world. Funny. I've been having similar thoughts.

Really? How I can get you expelled with maximum humiliation?

Things I could do with a crucifix and assembly.

You're such a cow.

We're evenly matched.

It's not getting us anywhere, is it?

No.

Okay, here's what we do.

What?

We're going to draw up a contract, like lawyers, except we're not because

they're the scum of the earth. What kind of a contract?

You get to swim to your heart's content as long as you never finish in the top

three and make the school newsletter. What's in that for me?

You get to keep your friends.

Can I play in a band with them?

As long as you only ever practice in someone's garage.

Okay, start writing.

I want a new mattress and a ray.

Don't push it.

Hey, leave it to me. I watch your shows, I know how it works.

G'day, Eric.

Hi, Munda.

Ah, you familiar with these?

No. You gave yourself away, Eric. We found them on the scene, and the

evidence conclusively linked them to you. What the fuck are you on about?

here, you freak. Why?

Okay, yeah, that also works.

Come on. Who is she?

Someone told her to me on the cheap. She'd know it. Oh, she's not no one,

and you know it. She's a mother. His mother.

It's not how it looks, all right? I just talked to her. You sicker. No, I don't

mean sick to her.

She's company, that's all.

I don't want to ever have a chance with Cheryl. This is the closest I'll ever

get. Well, that's good enough for me. Okay, stop.

How could you do this to her?

Sorry, mate. I'll let the air out. I'll put it back in the box. Not that. This.

Stealing Mum's stuff, getting her chucked out of the home.

Oh, man.

Listen, I'm on the bones of my heart at the moment, my friend, you know. I saw

the box and I was a bit pissed. I didn't think it would turn out like this.

I'll do anything to make it right, but please don't tell her.

Just let me sort it out my own way.

Please.

No argument, nothing in mitigation.

She looked like a total prick.

100 hours of community service with a mascara.

You can have sex with an underage person and only get 200.

It's going to be weeks of my life wasted on spazzies and picking up rubbish, and

she didn't even show the cow.

Obviously the IOD is way more important than us.

Priorities, eh?

We can do that. We will do that because we know that whatever the IOD thrown in,

it didn't work.

Hey, hey, hey, look what I found.

The rest of my car.

Where were they?

Oh, it's a joker down the pub that's trying to shift them. I gave them bloody

what for, I tell you. You mean you couldn't get rid of them?

No, God's honour.

I wouldn't rip off the fruits of your labours.

Eric, how could you? Cheryl, no.

I'm a friend.

Friend of the family. Eric, I nearly kicked my family out because of you.

Cheryl, I'm sorry.

I don't know if I'll come home and be able to do anything to make it right.

him out of your life, Cheryl. You keep it out of this. It's all your fault, you

evil Chinese wretch. Low -life scum.

Don't. Do not feel sorry for him.

Just go, Eric.

I'll deal with you later.

Jimmy, come.

Look.

What is it, mate?

It's called online banking, right? Mm -hmm.

And see that there?

Yeah. That's our account, right?

It's got money in it.

You made that money. Yep.

And next week, it's going to be even more money. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, I've been thinking, right?

Um, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to move out one day.

Not so bad at all.

Yeah? Yeah.

I've got to go. I don't want to be late on my first day. Okay. You'll be

awesome, Aurora, because you are awesome.

I know.

I love you.

I love you most.

Well, I love you the more, most the... Tua.

Tua.

I've never seen an ID audit go so far. I tell you, I have hidden expenses you've

only dreamed of. Nah, I reckon it's because you've got your girls up to

Well, you've got assets way behind them. Oh, let's get him rotten.

So, are you feeling guilty yet?

What for?

Well, you didn't invite Casey.

No, she'll always have Hamilton.

How's about that policeman?

How's about him?

He's kind of cute.

Yeah.

He is.

How was your day?

Fourth in the retro.

Bloody hard work swimming slowly.

The new mattress arrives tomorrow.

It really is new.

Yeah, it's agreed. It'll still be in its plastic.

Sorry. And this is Aurora.

She'll be taking over from you on your agreed nights off.

Hi. Try to be late, future.

Oh, spooky.

You're like some sort of weird twins.

Maybe.

They didn't suspend you, fine you, arrest you, or put you on a rank? Mm

They were putty in my hand. I'm dressed like that. I'm not surprised.

I've got another surprise for you. Oh, really? Mm -hmm. Turn around.

You might have to bend down a bit.

As soon as it's gone, eh? Not much.

Kinky stuff.

I know. You ain't seen nothing yet.

Thanks. Well, both had a shitty day.

And here we are, and you're the only person who understands me. Two minute

bloody noodles.

I never eat them.

Tracy Hong, what a bitch.

She's a bossy tar.

She tells Mum what to do, death row what to do.

I wish she'd get deported.

Well, we could call her immigration.

I think she was born here.

That old trick.

I wish she'd get kidnapped.

That's what all the Asians do to each other. I've got more money than I know

what to do with.

I wish I had some.

I've got to say, it's nice to spend some time with you, Pascal.

Are you sort of like a strawberry blonde or a platinum blonde?

Honey, why?

I've got this friend she's thinking of buying a wig.

What, cats or something?

No, she just likes to try new colours and lengths.

All right.

is your place. Oh?

How did you know?

Cheryl, I have raided this place so many times. True.

And when you get in, there's this smell of growth and beer.

And there's you.

Bed over there.

Oh, it's a bed.

My bed.

And you can sleep on it.

You can do a whole lot more in it.

If you like.

Oh, I like, I like, I like.

Mind you, you'll have to piss off before everyone else wakes up. What?

You've had your worse.

Don't push your luck.

Always pushing my luck, Cheryl.

You keep trying.

To see Mark and Tootsie.

This program was made with funding from New Zealand On Air.