Original subtitles

This girl dreaming about being a model is not a dream.

She's pregnant?

Mr. Hong has a warehouse full of new releases that haven't been released yet.

You head on back to your lifestyle block and let me manage the store.

I provide you with a list of what I need and how many units.

And I pay you eight bucks a unit. Cash.

Now inhale and draw the groin inward deep into the pelvis.

Now keeping the torso long, lean forward from the hip, not the waist, the hip,

and lengthen the tailbone.

This exercise is especially good for menstrual discomfort.

Hello? Can I help you?

Rita?

Rita! Oh, God!

Breacher.

Stop it!

Hi. Hi.

Happy anniversary.

You remembered. Nobody else did.

Bugger all else to go in here.

Except think about you.

20 years, eh?

What is that?

Uh, China.

You know what I was thinking about this morning?

I was thinking about the way you arch your back when I lick your neck.

Any mail?

Just junk.

And these?

These are for you.

How are they fun?

Doesn't matter, they're flowers. God, I never get flowers.

Guess where I've been?

Got no idea, Loretta. I get home and there's this message on the answering

machine. Hi, this is Amanda from the community centre. We have a Theodore

here. He seems confused.

Oh shit, not again.

He hugged her and called her Rita and she freaked out.

Why? I mean, in its own way, it's kind of touching.

Yeah, well, what she felt touching her was his stiffy.

Oh, my God.

My first paid modeling job.

Can't be.

Oh, my God.

God, that's wonderful, love. I'm going to get this framed so one day I can look

back on it as my humble beginning.

Does this mean you're going to give up that waitressing job?

No, not yet, but so.

Did you say something about flowers? Yes, yes.

Yeah, how'd you perform, Mum?

Huh, that's no name.

Just did, please meet me and we're in.

Cool. My first secret admirer. Boy, first nut job.

Whatever it is, it had nothing to do with me.

No, no, no.

This isn't police business.

This is business of the heart.

Oh, you're so on the wrong planet.

I can't help how I feel, Pascal.

When I saw you on that stage.

I mean, I don't normally go to clubs like that. It's just the other guys made

me. And when I saw it, it changed my life.

You saw me at the champagne club?

Oh, yes.

Constable whatever your name is. Hickey. Hickey. Glenn.

You really sacked the coma on the name front, didn't you? My best friend at

school was Graham Gaylord.

Look, Glenn, I'll say this as nice as I can.

No way.

Not ever.

Bye.

I just want to get to know you better.

I'm a nice guy.

Honest.

Uh, am I needed for anything?

How should I know? My mother bear and papa bear are at the doctor's house

Hey. You know, baby skin.

You think you can't follow her, ask them, not me.

Yeah, but hey, will they be able to tell?

What? Their baby, of course.

If it's not, you know, Asian.

No, Van, they won't be able to tell if it's yours.

Cool.

So, we're good then?

I thought the daughter wanted you to root the mum.

She did.

Well, so why the big freeze now she knows?

Well, she didn't want me to get her pregnant, apparently.

So why did you?

I didn't mean to.

Condom failure.

But haven't you heard about AIDS and crabs and all that shit? No, she was

an animal, man.

She was a jump on my dick before I had a chance to sheathe it.

Yeah, well, it's hard to stop when that happens.

Well, how do you know?

So does Mr. Triad know your baby?

He's not a triad.

You hope he's not a triad. He's not, okay?

Because if he was, he'd cut off your gonads and feed them to his pandas. He

doesn't got any fucking pandas, man!

No, absolutely no way.

But I've got a job interview this afternoon, Loretta. A real promising

processing. Sounds alluring, but tough shit.

Loretta, I need someone to look after Grandpa, and I'm picking you. Why?

Because you know he can't be trusted.

Why can't Pascal do it? She can't be trusted.

I'm working at the video hut. Not till after school.

Well, yeah, obviously.

So Grandpa and I can come and get you from school, and you can take him to the

door. Mum, he'll molest all the customers.

Well, park him in the corner.

You know he likes to watch, you know, those old prison break films.

Where are my trousers?

No, Ted.

They'll be in your bed.

Oh, crap.

What are you doing here?

Getting an education?

No, that will be inside the gates in the classroom.

Which is where we beg to differ. Isn't today one of your school optional days?

Look, I wouldn't be here if I didn't have to, okay? Trust me.

Okay, stay cool.

Hi, Mum.

Hi, honey.

Hi, Mrs. Darling.

Hello, Mrs. West.

You didn't have to let Loretta out of school early just for Grandpa, you know.

Well, Loretta told me how she was needed to get out, and I thought what a good

chance to talk to you. About what?

About how happy I am with the way that Loretta's turned things around at

It's lovely.

Isn't it?

Excuse me.

Okay, Grandpa, come on, hand over time.

Can we stay and watch the girls come out?

Not today, Grandpa.

Bye, Mum.

Bye, love.

Grandpa.

Video stills this way.

What?

Luther's sarcasm, Kurt.

Some, you know, people here.

You know them?

Friends of Zane. They're looking for a Resident Evil Final Revelations pre

-release hookup.

So, no test losers?

Gamers. Think of the money, Kurt.

That thought warms me all the way to prison, Rita.

Hang here a minute, Grandpa. I'll be right back.

You have cool hands, Luke. Do we? You bet.

You want the widescreen version? What?

Widescreen or not.

I'm half blind. Do you think I give a flying fuck?

Where's Grandpa?

He's... Not here.

Oh, brilliant. Like eight seconds and you lose him. Top work.

What was he doing when you laughed for him? He was standing right there looking

at some woman.

What woman?

She rendered something and then left.

And you left him alone?

He wanted cool hand Luke.

Okay, what did she get out?

Sent of a woman. Why?

Because thanks to you, genius, I now have to find out who and where she is.

Yes. Oh, my God.

Theodore?

Yes.

We have some news, which we want you both to hear, because even though Tracy

obviously only the actual family member, Van, you're almost like family to us.

A boy.

Yes. The baby is a boy.

A son.

So, this is bad?

As if my opinion didn't really mean nothing, now there's a son ahead of me.

Yeah, but he's only, he's only like this big.

Oh, fuck Van, he's a son? I mean shit now.

So, um, what about me?

What about you?

What about me with the whole who's the real daddy thing?

You could go anywhere with that, including straight to your old man.

I'm still thinking.

Where does that leave me?

I'm the daddy here.

Don't you have lawns to mow?

I'm not quite sure how to put this, but did a strange man follow you home from

the video store?

Depends what you mean by strange.

You must be Loretta.

I'm Margaret.

Come in.

Thanks.

Hi, Col, are you tracking me down?

OK. It's a wonderful feeling, Loretta.

Pity you're too young to know. Know what?

What it's like the moment you see someone dear to you, 20 years after you

thought they'd gone forever.

You're a lot happier than I've seen you in a while.

I've got a reason to live now, Loretta.

After meeting Mark again.

When I saw her in your video store, I knew it was him.

It's amazing the connections the human brain can make. I just knew.

Knew what exactly?

That your customer, Margaret, was my old mate Mark.

Loretta, I taught this man everything he knows about safe cracking.

Until we got snitched up by that old bastard and ended up Mount Eden

Hey, Dad.

You OK?

Yeah, I'm good, sort of.

You? Getting by? What's wrong?

What do you mean?

Sort of.

What's all that about?

Um... Do you remember how you felt when Mum told you she was

pregnant with me and Jethro?

Have you got some girl up the duff? No, no, no way, no.

Well, why are you asking me all that, then?

I don't know, I'm just interested in this one.

Why?

I just am, OK?

Is this your way of telling me your mother's pregnant again?

No.

Why the hell would I be doing that? No.

Why, no?

Bloody odd question to be asking your old man, that's all.

Unless you've got some girl up to daft. No, I haven't, okay? I just... I want to

know how you're meant to feel.

You know?

Just think as I do.

Well, it depends on the girl, I guess.

Yeah?

If you love her, which I did.

I still do, actually.

So much it hurts sometimes.

Actually, it was me that told your mother that she was pregnant with you

Eh? Yeah.

We were lying on the kitchen floor.

I was licking around the navel.

I just looked up at her, all flushed and sweaty.

I said something along the lines of, I reckon you're pregnant.

And she was.

That answer your question?

Yeah, that's great. Thanks, Dad.

She's an okay chick.

Or a bloke.

That she is.

Probably best you don't mention Margaret to anyone.

Yeah, don't want to feed into all those stereotypes.

What's that?

The transgender community.

What's that?

Well, people like Mark or the come Margaret.

It can change people.

There can be a lot of prejudice.

Oh, yeah, right.

I suppose.

I was more thinking that she's an escaped convict.

Sorry? Oh, yeah, Mark was always a much faster runner than me.

When the van door got left open on that day on the way to the arraignment.

Mind you, he deserved to make it.

Life was a lot tougher inside for Mark than me, especially when I wasn't there

to protect him.

Watching Mark Leggett when he disappeared over that hedge.

After Rita's funeral, that was the saddest moment of my life.

Cheryl, sorry to keep you waiting.

Make my day and tell me you're here before the clock.

I have actually police harassment.

Of you?

My family, my house. Why have you got it under surveillance?

You're under the impression that your house is under surveillance.

What I want to know is why. I've told you, no member of my family is involved

with anything illegal.

Not this week.

I don't care if you don't believe me. It's the truth and it's good enough for

me. So why have you got my house under surveillance?

The thing is, Cheryl, how can I answer that question?

By definition, surveillance is a covert operation.

Not the way you fellas do it. But if I were to tell you about the surveillance,

then it wouldn't be covert now, would it? So it is under surveillance?

No, I'm not saying that.

I'm saying if it were, I couldn't tell you.

No, it's not.

I'm not saying that.

Well then, why is one of your boys parked across the road?

Look, Wayne.

Me and my family have got nothing to do with anything criminal anymore, so if

you're watching my house, the only incriminating thing you're going to see

hanging out Van's wife runs.

Christ, he's an image to conjure with now, isn't he?

Please, just leave us alone.

I always knew I'd have a stalker. I just didn't think it would be so soon.

This cop guy only wants to meet you. How is that stalking him?

He wants way more than that.

In a way, he's kind of cute.

You know, apart from being fucked in the head.

Yeah, apart from that.

The look in his eyes, it gives it away mainly.

Which is what?

It's a kind of stalking look.

Please, I just want one thing to thank you by. Go away.

Just one little keepsake, please.

Oh, did you give him a pair of your undies?

Oh, no.

I gave him a pair of Vans. Not that he noticed.

I'm sorry, but I cannot have this sort of thing happening at this stage of my

career. Maybe when you're Rachel Hunter.

Then I'll have an entourage to deal with it. And publicists to cash in on it.

I already have an entourage.

You do?

I wouldn't have come to you, but I didn't know who else to go to.

Yeah.

You're not a prick.

Yeah, I know.

You get this girl.

So what do you think I should do then?

Well, you should tell him to fuck off.

He doesn't listen to me.

You could tell him to fuck off for me.

I... Yeah, but I've kind of got my own problems, you know?

Man, she's your sister.

She's caught some guy jacking off in her undies.

You have to do something.

Yeah.

Okay.

It'll have to be after lunch tomorrow, okay? I've got my own shit to sort out.

Thank you, then. You are the best brother a girl could have.

Don't wait up.

Is that all, Tiger?

Okay, bye.

Grandpa, the babe moment.

Why do you have to take everything and make it tacky? They're just friends.

Well, I think it's lovely.

Because it's lovely or because he's someone else's problem for the day?

way, that woman is a godsend. I want to marry her and have her babies.

Fat chance there.

So, your grandad and the tranny prison escape are getting it on?

They're just friends, Kurt.

Friends who once shared a prison cell.

What's your point?

Oh, nothing.

So, was he gay back then? The Margaret person, not your grandpa?

My grandpa is not gay. I never said he was.

I just asked if his much younger transsexual cellmate was.

Just because Margaret is a transsexual does not mean she's gay, you know?

Gay then or gay now?

What?

Was he into women back when he was a man? You know, which made him straight.

now that he's a woman, and he's still into women, makes him a lesbian.

Oi.

Where's Mr. Hong?

I don't know. Isn't it your job to know?

Well, actually, I don't know what my job is anymore.

I don't know. He's up at the stables doing something to horses.

Well, we should, you know, talk.

About?

Well, what do you think?

I don't know. You're the one who wants to talk.

Uh, the baby?

My baby? Yeah, my baby too.

How would that be possible?

Eh?

How could Mr. Hong's baby be your baby?

Well, there was all those times I put my cock up... Now, see, that's where

you're going wrong, Van, because there is no way in hell that this is your

Yeah, but what if it is?

I'm telling you it isn't, because I say it isn't. Look, if I'm the daddy, then I

need to know... Look, for God's sake, Van, there is no way that you will ever

the father of my child.

Now, if you can just get that one thought to stay in your head, then we'll

along just fine.

You have rights, man. As the father.

You need to assert those rights.

You're the father, man.

Yeah.

Yeah, I am. If you didn't want to be the father, you should have thought about

that before you shot your load.

I told you, she jumped me.

Is that him?

Which one?

In the uniform.

Which one?

The one with the mustache.

Which one?

The short one.

No, that's not him. The hickey guy doesn't have a mustache.

Sure? Yeah.

So why did you say which one?

Which time?

You said which one, and then I said the one with the mustache, and then you said

which one again.

Well, I didn't think of it then.

Hey, hey, do you want to cook?

Oh, you're my special Afghan.

Yeah, only time she bakes is when Uncle Carlos turns up with a bag of heads.

We should, you know, keep our wits about us.

One couldn't hurt, though, eh?

Cheryl speaking.

Wayne Judd here, Cheryl.

What do you want?

I'm looking out my office window. Do you know what I see? Oh, I wouldn't have

the foggiest side of it, Judd.

There's a van parked across the road.

There's two men inside the van.

Van is in the van. And that's your van. That's not Van Halen.

The other guy seems to fit the description of his dipshit mate, Manta.

Now, I've got to ask the question, Cheryl.

Do you have us under surveillance?

Because if you do, we give up.

Your guys are too clever by half or plotters like us.

Hello, love.

Good day.

Wonderful.

Cool. You guys, um, excuse me for a while.

How's Margaret?

Wonderful. We played ball.

Must be good for you guys to catch up after all these years.

It is indeed.

So, how long were you guys in a cell together, back when she was a man?

Oh, two years, just about.

21 months, to be exact, before Mark escaped.

The second saddest day of your life.

Was it?

That's what you said after Grandma dying.

You guys were close, eh?

Loretta, you've got to understand that I was away from Rita for a long stretch,

and he was a very attractive man, battling with his sexuality.

My God, on personality alone, he'd be hard to resist, leaving aside the fact

that he wasn't a donors at that age.

Grandpa, how could you?

He learnt at my feet, Loretta.

Before we went inside, he worshipped me, all that I taught.

And then I learnt at his.

I don't need to know that.

Loretta, what else do you expect when you'd lock men up together for any

of time?

Happens all the time.

Hi, Dad.

Where's Mum?

Oh, no, just me. I just wanted to see that you're OK.

Sure, sure, I am.

Did your mum talk to you?

About what?

Oh, just last time she came on. Went on about, you know, about how much I was

missing her.

Oh.

Thought she might have sent you to check up on me.

No, just me.

All my own idea.

She just caught me in one of those lonely days, you know.

She did her worst.

I guess you've always got your cellmate to talk to.

No, I don't have a cellmate.

Really?

Oh, that's great.

And, Dad, just remember that Mum really, really loves you and she always will,

OK?

All right, love her will.

I still like your idea about Super glowing his hand to his cock.

Did he?

Yep.

Hey, I didn't know he cycled.

What? Saw nothing.

Follow his cycling ass.

What the hell are you two doing?

Why didn't you come to me?

I don't know.

Honey, if there is a pervert stalking you, I want to know. I need to know.

It wasn't like he was a freaky stalker. He was a pain in the arse.

Yeah, but going to Van?

I mean, what if he'd done something stupid?

Okay, but my point is, by doing something stupid to a cop, Van nearly

in prison for a really long time.

Why couldn't you come to me?

I was... embarrassed.

Oh, honey, there is no need to be. It's not your fault.

When did this all start?

It might have been one of the times when he was one of the cops who raided us. I

mean, there were always cops in my room.

Okay. Leave it with me.

No, you don't have to do anything. Oh, yes, I do.

No, really.

No, really. I will deal with this.

What are you doing?

Waiting.

Thinking. Is that wise?

Right.

Nobody leaves.

What? I need to... Where's Mr. Hong, by the way? He's at the gym. Why?

Great. Because I need to say something. God, is this going to take very long?

No.

Now, look. I have rights.

And I want to assert them. Okay? Now.

What rights?

The right not to be treated the way you guys are treating me.

And also, they're right to talk about our child.

It's not funny. Are you out of your fucking mind?

No, I'm not out of my fucking mind. Did I not make it clear enough for you, Van?

You are not the father of this child.

Not until the DNA tests prove you're a lying slut.

Hey! I'm having a difficult enough pregnancy as it is without these

adding to my blood pressure problem, and especially without anyone sticking

bloody great needle into my tummy. God, you're so going to be found out.

Yeah, like when the baby comes out looking like me.

So?

It took after my side of the family, not Mr. Honk's.

Look, your father is not going to risk the life of his son because you hate me.

And when you can start to get your head around that, then maybe we can start

working together.

Working together on what?

I run the house.

You run the business.

Isn't that what you want?

A war would do neither of us any good, Tracy.

Remember me?

Yeah, yeah, the one that got you pregnant. And now that I did get you

you just expect me to fucking, like, walk away.

God, Van, just think about it. I mean, do you really want to play mumsies and

daddy with her?

Well, no, but... You sowed a seed.

Get the fuck over it.

Thank you, Tracey.

My pleasure.

Make yourself at home.

You'd better have armed backup, Sergeant Judd. The cops aren't my favourite

people today.

Yeah, so we're gathered.

I thought you might be celebrating.

What have I got to celebrate?

Ending the career of the young cop.

Oh, you got Jethro's letter then, did you? Yeah, pretty fancy words for a

-up law clerk.

Well, any big words you don't understand, Sergeant Judd, there's a

right over there. Yes, an official complaint has been lodged against

Hickey.

It's a pretty bloody serious allegation, Cheryl.

Stalking a member of the public?

Will you try being the mother of the girl being stalked?

Look, he's just a young fella. He had a rush of blood to the head. Well, it's

where else the blood's rushing that's bothering me.

Look, Cheryl, Hickey is a good cop.

Yeah. I'll give him a bollocking. Christ, you can give him a bollocking if

want. Don't flush his career down the toilet just because he's got the hots

your daughter.

Oh, jeez, Wayne. What in hell makes you think I'd leave it to you to sort out?

Cheryl, I give you my word.

I'll put an end to this.

Right. Is that how it works, is it? A cop breaks the law and good old Wayne

fixes it.

You know, he's not entirely to blame here.

Your daughter's gorgeous, so it's pretty hard for a young fella to resist when

she's standing around with no clothes on. Listen to me. How Pascal dresses has

got nothing to fucking do with the fact that... It's not about how she dresses.

It's how she undresses down at the club. That's more to the bloody point.

Oh, Jesus, Cheryl.

You didn't know, did you?

What? Pascal's a waitress at the champagne club.

Oh, come on.

Jesus, Cheryl.

For someone who's the head of the West family, you can be pretty bloody

gullible.

Do you want for breakfast, Loretta?

No, thanks, with Vegemite.

Who did what?

Okay, that question.

Loretta, can you answer the door, please?

Yep.

Hi, Loretta. Come in.

Morning, madam.

Good morning, Theodore.

I'll bring him back safe and sound.

Cheer up.

I hope he gets a girlfriend. It's my fault I've got a stalker. How screwed up

this world?

Who's the dick in the glasses?

The architect.

He's renovating for the baby's room.

Get over it, Van.

I mean, you've got a root, haven't you?

Yeah.

So there you go. Every cloud has a silver lining.

Bet she wasn't as good as me, though.

You rooted her, didn't you?

When you were pretending to be me, you took advantage of me to take advantage

her, didn't you?

Because I'm not meant to. No!

Well, you said, go along with whatever happened.

So I did. You did not that far!

Oh. Sorry.

Now, how am I meant to root her again when I don't know what I did the first

time?

So you're in.

Well, yeah.

I was when I was you, so why wouldn't I be now I'm me again?

Are you sure you want to go there?

She's not exactly your type.

You didn't do any weird shit, did you?

What?

Tongue stuff.

Yes, fan.

I did all that stuff.

Fuck.

You know what else I did that's even worse?

I held her in my arms afterwards, and I talked to her. And even worse, I

listened.

Now she's going to expect that shit all the time, man.

Where are you going? Work.

Really? I still don't see why you're all bent out of shape about this.

You're the one who chose poverty for us, and I hate... to get a job. Not this

kind of job.

There's nothing illegal about stripping.

Jesus, you know what I mean.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Stripping empowers women.

What fucking sleazeball sold you that crap?

Robbie is not a sleazeball. Sure he's not.

Why are you being so mean to me?

Because you stripped for a living.

Because you lied to me.

And because you dragged your brother into this and damn you got him arrested.

Well, if you were a real mother, you'd understand what I was going through

now. Oh, and what is that, Pascal?

I was being stalked.

You're a stripper. You better get used to it.

What happened to you?

Hang on. Do you want a life like this?

Men jacking off while you flash your tits at them. Do you?

What happened to your dreams of being a model?

Just sick. On the way. It's not for Rachel Hunter, it's not.

That is so unfair.

What is bringing Rachel into this?

I give up.

You obviously know what you're doing and I don't have a fucking clue. So off you

go. drip for a living, maketh all proud.

Go on.

Well, what?

Why?

What do you want me to do?

So my lawyer, well, my brother, he's going to write you a letter withdrawing

complaints and everything.

Thanks. Whatever.

And I'm getting counselling and stuff about my getting obsessed with you.

I started by burning all the copies of your flyer I had.

Do you want your undies back?

They're not mine, they're Van's.

I thought they were a little big for you.

You're not wearing them, are you? Oh, my God.

I wash them.

I thought I could just kick them.

Thanks.

For what it's worth, I think I would have fallen in love with you eventually.

Even if I hadn't seen you up on that stage.

Even if I hadn't seen you. Look, I'm here with my mum, so just lay off the

freaky talk, okay?

Sorry.

I'm done.

Do you think there might still be a chance? Sorry, Glenn, but no.

I mean, you seem kind of harmless for a freak, but you're not my kind of guy.

You remember my name's Glenn.

Good luck with the rest of your life, eh? Good luck with your modelling. I

reckon you'll be the next Rachel Hunter.

How did you know about that?

Know what?

Christ, I think I might cry.

Oh, shut up. Come on.

I'll miss you. I'll miss you too.

And keep going with that routine with the laser pointer because it's going to

really classic.

Thanks. Oh.

If being completely nude's your mum's problem, there's always the jelly

wrestling. Thanks, Robbie, but I'm going to pass on that tempting offer.

And thank you for everything.

You're going to be a big star, babe.

I know.

And you've totally changed my view on strip club owners.

You're so not sleazy.

Thanks, I appreciate that.

But it's time to move on because if I want to be the next Rachel Hunter, the

clock... is ticking.

Think of us when you get there.

See ya.

Man, you would have made a great father, and I would have made a choice, Uncle.

Yeah.

You know, we would have taught him how to play league, made sure he ate all his

greens, and, you know, just really been there for him, eh?

Sure. Maybe one day break when we find the right lady.

Yep, I reckon.

So, uh, you rooting the daughter now?

I'm in with a fucking grin, man.

What the

fuck

are you doing?

I'm about to get my pants off.

I figured we could, you know, pick up where we left off.

What? Well, you know.

Van, I will fuck you when I'm ready and not before.

Hey. Now get out of my room before I scream.

I can hold you afterwards and, you know, I'll listen.

Two.

It's checks, man.

Right, I'm off.

There's heaps of good stuff from Mr. Hong this month. New Oliver Stone film.

Well, is it good?

Well, there's also the new Robin Williams feel -good comedy, if you'd

that. Any sex -change romantic comedy prison escape films?

Severely unfunny, Kurt.

I think it's cute.

It's disgusting.

You so have to get over yourself.

What? The hang -up you have about sex.

I do not have a hang -up about sex.

And you get up on, like, this fetal ball every time the S -word gets mentioned.

I do not.

Marita. For a criminal genius, you're remarkably prudish.

How would you know, anyway?

By being your best and only friend. Soon to be ex -friend.

Hey, look, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it.

Just that it's funny, considering your grandpa's getting on with the training.

They're not getting it on, okay? They're just friends, doing stuff that friends

do together.

Good for you?

Great for me.

I think it'll be like riding a bicycle.

Your phone's back in business, man.

My, yes we are.

This program was made with funding from New Zealand On Air.