Original subtitles

Well, you know my motto, Cheryl. Where there's a crime, there's a member of the

West family. You said one year out of nine months. What about four bloody

Make yourself useful, Ben. We're going to go sing.

What look were you going for?

Grieving, obviously.

Oh, so not take me now across the nearest pew. It's black, and Billy would

liked it.

Yeah, he would.

I cared about Billy.

Today it's all about him.

And at least I don't look like the oldest virgin in West Auckland.

You all right, Mum?

Yep. Couldn't be better.

You don't have to talk to him.

He'll be on the guard.

Just as well. I might kill him.

Eric. Yeah, I thought I'd bring a bit of piss for the aftermath.

You didn't have to do that.

Put these on first.

Hey, you want to come to the service with us?

Oh, no, I thought I'd give that a bit of a swerve, eh? But he was your son?

Yeah, he was much more yours than mine, I think.

After all, he changed his name to Billy West, didn't he?

He loved you, Eric.

Billy was like a stepbrother to us.

Even if other people couldn't see it, Billy had his skills and talents.

He was always the fastest runner in his class.

He loved books and stories.

Anyone who knew him will know that his favorite story was The Little Yellow

Digger.

Dad.

Well, that was also something he was really inspired about,

moving equipment, getting his HT license.

Thanks, mate.

I'm just real glad to be here.

Real proud Eric asked me to say the eulogy.

Cross Billy made us laugh.

Always into everything.

I remember the first time he came to stay with us.

We couldn't keep him in the house.

Up at all hours.

Didn't know where he was going off to.

Then one night, Cheryl whacks me up and says, I think I hear Billy going out the

door. So up I get, out I go.

Find him and Van down the street.

Higher pull.

At two o 'clock in the morning.

Well, they're not hiring a chainsaw, I think. Not at this time of night.

Then I see them.

They've got the gate open and Billy's driving out on a digger.

Up and down the street.

Up and down this big, happy, silly grin on his face.

That's the way I'll always think of Billy.

Doing stuff for the hell of it.

Wherever he is, I'll bet you he's driving a digger.

I'll see you back, please.

Sorry, mate, can't help it, eh?

Only he can turn a bloody tragedy into the big day out.

Yeah, we should probably move this along.

Hey,

I missed half my son's funeral because of you lot digging around this morning.

It's not even like Billy was actually related.

Well, maybe he's got a few favours for being a model prisoner, I don't know.

My deepest indulgence is you.

Corky, how are you? Good.

Did you get my message? What message?

Well, it's appealed I'm keen to get to work on it. But you know how we do it.

Money up front.

Hey, do you really think this is the right time or place?

Or we can work out some other way of payment. That's not the way we do things

anymore, Corky.

Take me home, love.

Sure. Of course. Well, we'll talk about it later.

Oh, yeah.

They will be mine.

What are you on about?

Barbie, someone's got to man it.

I ain't paying for most of this.

You never even liked Billy.

Oh, come on, man.

We all know he was a pee -head screw -up.

If he hadn't gone now, he would have gone next week, next year. Don't say

Nothing going on for him.

No one to look after him. Just shut the fuck up, Jed. Oi, what's going on?

I don't know.

Man, love. Nothing. We're going to fuck alone.

All right, I'm going out on a limb here, so here are the rules. We stay 30

minutes, and if you try to... All right, relax.

Where do you think I'd run to?

Right here.

This should have been in my place.

Not that I've got much of a place. Business isn't what it used to be. Well,

we're happy to do it, Eric. Well, he was his mum, eh?

Didn't even show for his funeral. What sort of mother's that, Cheryl? Yeah.

Hey, can you make yourself useful?

I am.

I live here, don't I? Not lately.

This is Paul, Her Majesty's best.

Screws go, not a bad bastard.

Loretta, my youngest, brain box.

Yeah, hi.

30 minutes tops.

No worries, Paul.

You,

get these out.

But, I've got to drive, get them out and get Eric out for my number three.

I'll be out in a minute.

Leave me alone.

You're supposed to leave it under the water for ten minutes.

Just...

Fuck,

you're beautiful.

Fuck you.

Oh, no thanks. I'm on duty.

Does it, like, completely suck being a prison guard?

I mean, because criminals are bad, and so prison guards should be good. But

you ever seen a movie where a prison guard is cool?

Like, take Monster's Ball, for example, where they're all portrayed as tragic

inbreeds who take their prostitutes from behind.

Am I boring you?

No.

Do you like movies?

Bugger off!

I need to use the loo. We're going past the shower!

I'm 12 years old again.

Oh, Christ.

Go. Get in the garden.

So how's that burn feel?

Oh, so much better, thanks. I don't feel a thing.

What, you think a quick spray is going to make this all better?

Look, I know it's a bad day, all right, but it was an accident.

I'm not talking about the leaves. I'm talking about Alan.

You're talking about Ellen bloody Markham on a day like today.

You asshole.

Well, go ahead. Come on. Free shot.

Oh, get over yourself. Come on. Free shot. Off you go.

Fuck off back to prison.

You all right there, Paul?

Huh? About to fire up the Barbie?

I'm just going to try and pull a DVD.

Well, take your time.

I'm not going anywhere.

Don't worry, I paid for it.

I'm going to be a film director.

Don't you have DVD?

On my pay?

Not that expensive.

If it sucks so much being a prison officer, get another job.

What?

Don't hold back, do you?

Do you think that's not attractive?

Oh, no.

I'm just not used to it.

But it's fine.

Okay.

Do you want to have sex with me?

What? I've got condoms.

I knocked them off my brother, but... No, they're okay.

Um... Yeah, I know you're working, but Dad's not going to go anywhere. He's a

total slut for the attention.

But, you know, if you just want to watch a movie, that's fine too, because

Shawshank Redemption is a really good film, even though the prison guards

Yeah, what?

I meant, yeah.

If you want to.

Okay.

Want one?

No, thanks.

Well, it's excellent to see you.

Yeah, what a blast, eh?

Despite the project circumstances, of course.

Haven't seen much of you lately, Corky. Been pretty busy, yeah.

Look, I don't want to beat around it here, but money is an issue, as I was

saying to Cheryl.

Were you?

That's how we've always done business.

Pretty long association.

You know, Corky, if it wasn't for the fact that I've recommended you to every

bloke I know, you wouldn't be living in Te Atatou, sending your kids to Baradun.

You wouldn't have a business.

Yeah.

Well, I'm sure we can sort it.

Do you want me to take my clothes off?

Um, maybe you'd like to kiss me first.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm just getting ahead of myself because you're so hot.

Wow, they don't come to the funeral, but the party afterwards.

I thought you were mad at him.

I am.

I know you're all going to miss it, but she's with us, it's fair.

I'm Grandma that's telling Grandpa.

It's Billy.

Billy? The middle kid who turned up in Everleigh?

Yep.

You're always so good to him.

All he is.

Billy was, to be sure.

He said that you were good to him.

He's from a broken home, and there was that thing in Dannevik with his auntie.

No, I meant about you rooting him.

You know about that?

It was one of the highlights, I think, of his whole life.

Couldn't believe his luck.

Well... Yeah.

It wasn't good for you.

I don't know.

Well, that means no.

Is there anything I can do?

How do you mean?

You.

Maybe I was too fast and didn't think about you and what you'd like.

What?

As a woman.

Oh.

Right.

Well, maybe we should just...

You're a bloody moderate woman.

No, I'm not hungry.

Not tonight.

Save yourself.

Listen, Ben.

It's a bloody shame about Billy, okay?

But these things happen.

Not if I've been there.

Say what?

Billy told me about the job he was going to do, right?

So I said, yeah, okay, maybe.

Because, you know, he was so full of shit, and I was late for work, and Mum,

knew she'd be pissed, so I didn't go.

Right. Yeah, well, you know, if I had gone, then he might not have done it,

know?

I couldn't fucking help them anymore.

Fucking... Hey.

Now listen. Do you know what you are?

No. You are a good man with a lot on his plate.

Trying to listen to your mother and do the right thing by the family. This is

not your fault, Van.

And things, they will get back to normal.

The money for the appeal.

No problem. No, there are no problems. Only challenges. And no fucking lawyer

your mother is going to stop me getting back to where I belong.

Right here with you.

Oh, fuck, Dad. Come here.

I wrote it in one.

After that time with Auntie and Danny Burke.

I felt so sorry for her.

Dad! Well, you know Avanti, if you had him with Tad Kord, and he had all these

real members. That's when I did it. And Karina Balani in fourth form. But before

she got the clamp.

No.

I had no idea.

Well, he's just so cute.

And so sad.

Yeah, well, I really don't know how I'm going to cope with all this, really.

Loss.

And the guilt.

The thing about pity roots is they can't be too old or too ugly.

Hi, Van.

Wait. You know that Dad needs money. Yeah, well, don't we all.

Corky's not doing the appeal.

Why didn't you tell me? Hey, don't shout at me. I've done with everything you

said. You know, what we had to do and everything.

And you didn't tell me. Van, I... What are you trying to do to him? I'm not

trying to do... Oh, whatever.

like that.

I just don't see how that can be hygienic.

Most women like it.

Not that I've been with heaps or anything.

I don't understand why anyone in their right mind would want to do that.

I thought you wanted to.

I mean, you practically jumped me.

Look, it's not you, okay? It's me.

I mean, I don't exactly have a lot to compare this to.

It's my first time.

Oh, right.

Well, that explains the blood.

Blood.

Ew. Ew. Oh, my God. That is so disgusting.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I feel kind of honoured, you know?

Um, don't you think you'd better go check on my dad in case he's escaping?

No. Do you not care about convicted criminals being on the loose?

I spend all day training around us, and I hope it's a loser.

If I'm going to get fired, I may as well make it worthwhile.

You mean you want to do it again?

I'm so sorry for you. Really? Of course. What could be worse than losing a son?

You all right, Eric?

Great. Oh, but also, shut up, you know. It's just like a drink, you know,

Rochelle.

Come here, you.

Let me see you.

When am I going to see you on the cover of a magazine, eh? I don't know. I keep

trying, but, you know, it's difficult.

It won't happen, Princess.

Maybe not today or tomorrow, but it will happen.

Hey, boy. Hey, you. Come here.

They can laugh at themselves for two minutes.

I'm with the two most beautiful women in the world.

I'm the luckiest man alive right now.

Oh, don't you remember that?

Is it always like this at your place?

When Dad's home, yeah.

You don't like being touched?

The abuse.

The mental scars.

Really?

No.

So was Billy really your foster mother?

No, his mum just used to dump him on us.

Eric was no use.

Once it was for nearly a year.

Mum used to try and get him to read and have milk and go to bed early.

So you were fond of him?

I had to read him The Little Yellow Digger over and over.

That book still makes me want to hurl.

Mum thought that she was being kind to him, like trying to love him when no one

else did, but I think she just confused him.

So you do have feelings?

No.

Not many, if any.

Your parents were so cool.

You see one of my avoiders?

I dumped him.

I must be real bummed.

You and Billy, you were like stepbrothers.

Hey.

Where are you going?

What do you care?

Thought I might get a lift.

You're fucking typical. Running out on this one, aren't you? Your mum needed

more tonic.

Why have you got your balaclava?

No reason.

Are you doing something stupid?

Nah.

Get your throat.

Alan. The wolf's out. Yeah.

Everything I work for, it's down the cracker.

I've got cops, road transport, IRD, all of them. They're all over me. I'm sorry.

So if it wasn't Eric... It was me.

Oh, bullshit.

You're protecting someone.

I was sitting in there going out of my fucking mind, Alan.

Because I know how you feel about her.

Jesus Christ, Alan, you didn't give me a choice.

Spending every day with Cheryl.

Giving her money.

Making her feel special.

Stop me. Tell me I'm wrong here.

No, you're not wrong.

I love her.

She's the mother of my kids.

And I would do anything, anything to keep her.

Even if it means crapping on one of my best mates. And you look at her and you

tell me I'm wrong.

But I will make it up to you.

We'll be happy for you to know it, but the plans, at the end, you can just take

profit. All I want is to be square on this.

All right?

All right?

All right.

You didn't fuck with me, did you?

Jesus, no.

How's that group?

It's all right, love.

All sorted.

It's closed.

Yeah, but it's supposed to be a 24 -hour.

Not today, obviously.

Yeah, but 24 -hour, it's like all day, you know, every day.

What the fuck are you doing?

What is a lot of him doing?

Making a dick of yourself.

Why are you making a dick of yourself?

Do you need money?

No, I don't need money.

Corky needs money for Dad's appeal.

So... You're going to rob this service station to pay to get Dad out of jail.

Yeah, well, it was the plan.

Good plan.

You do know how much lawyers charge, right?

So, you'll probably have to do the Caltex down the road, too.

And, um, the one on the corner of... Fuck you, Link.

Yep, fuck me.

We can take you to A &E if you like.

No, I'm all right, Cheryl. You've done enough.

I... That's what you need, and a brandy. I know a few things with my son with a

sea scarf. Really?

You're right.

Well,

it's a regular celebration, isn't it?

Why are you still here?

LM's all right.

All right?

Yeah.

Noise control.

You know what to do. Poor cupboard.

If you're still mad about what I did, then that's fair enough.

But look at this, Cheryl.

The worst thing that could happen to anyone.

We're making it all right.

We've still got kids.

Good kids.

They're bright.

They're beautiful.

They're not screwed up. They're not on pee.

They're not like Billy.

And it's because of us.

You and me.

But if you don't want that, you let me know right now.

Because if that's the case, I'm out of here.

What, you're telling me you're going to escape, are you?

Why not?

If you don't want me, then what's the point of any of it?

You all right with that?

You got it.

I'm not bullshitting you.

I'll go.

When you're here, it's like you never left.

Come and have a drink, love.

Does that not hurt feelings?

No.

Good on you, mate.

On to the road, eh?

No, I need to get you home. You need looking after Eric.

Yeah, no, no, I'm all right, thanks, Shell.

Night, Eric.

Shell. Take care of yourself, eh? Yeah, no, that's right. Yeah, good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

He is so going to root him. How do you root Van? She's old and desperate.

Hey, I didn't really want to root Billy.

Me neither.

I was mostly doing it to make Van jealous.

Van? Yeah.

Always had something for Van.

He's just so cute and lonely.

Hey, things are so much simpler when we're younger.

Let's always be friends.

Yeah, and tell me I'm not a hoe.

You are not a hoe.

So these plants are yours.

Big fluff.

Van, cigarettes and phone cards aren't going to get Dad out of jail.

You're better off at your bloody service station, aren't you?

Yeah, well, at least I'm having ideas, not like you.

What do you suggest I do, Van?

I don't know. Lawyer stuff?

I mean, if you're fucked, Dad's in prison.

Hey, Dad's inside because he got... I'm not scared of you,

so get out!

Oh, yeah, in a minute, kid.

Because of the great example set by Mr. Bloody Mummy's Boy, we've had to be all

honest and stuff, so there's no money left for Dad's appeal.

Get out now!

Give it a rest, Rambo.

Shouldn't you be asleep?

My parents say I'm hyperactive.

You can get drugs for that.

What was that stuff Billy was on?

I don't know. It didn't bloody work, whatever it was. And I'm not a mummy's

Put that back!

Yeah, keep your hair on.

Put that back or I'll call the cops.

Good luck, mate.

Tuesday night, there's only two cops patrolling the whole of West Auckland.

There you go.

Hey, come back with that stuff!

White trash bastards.

You're getting fat.

And lazy.

That's what honesty does.

Sit him on a disco.

Never happened to me.

Nah, you'll spend the rest of your life trying to be Dad.

Oh, fuck off.

Oh, it's great. When you join him inside, you guys can play catch and

I'll get enough of this shit from Mum without you starting. Oh, grow up, Van.

Be your own man, not who Dad wants you to be. Yeah?

Well, Dad didn't tell me to do this, did he? No, that's right, Van. You thought

up the crime of the century all by yourself.

Well done.

You know what's funnier than your pathetic little bag of goodies?

What's funnier is that you did exactly what he would have done, only he would

have done it better.

And that's the story of your life.

Jesus. I love you, Van, but you have got to start doing your own shit for a

change.

Before you end up a dead loser like Billy.

Let's see the back of the house.

Thought you'd bug it off.

She's gone to bed.

And you can drop the attitude.

Are you pissed all over and then you expect a warm fucking welcome?

You're the big man, aren't you?

Oh, fuck it.

Eh?

Mister, I work in town.

I wear a suit.

Better than being in prison.

You had so much potential, boy.

Brains.

Aptitude.

And what did you do with it?

Send it to the university.

I'll think your mum doesn't buy your shit.

I'd be worried there for a while.

So that was convincing.

I thought I'd try it out.

What, you were faking?

Oh, I don't get you.

Oh, not at all.

Hey, don't be pissed off, okay? You've done me the most enormous, humongous

favour.

But you didn't enjoy it.

I'm so sick of getting hassled by my sister who had sex before she was even

high school.

Is that what this is about?

Some competition with your sister?

Do you really think I'm that shallow?

It's for my film.

It needs a sex scene for marketing, but curtsies, how can I write that when I

haven't experienced it? Which I personally think is a little bit ironic

considering the whole movie is full of brain -dead zombies and I haven't

experienced a whole lot of them either.

Let me become my sister. Do you want to see me again?

No offence, but... No.

I thought so.

Don't be angry.

I really owe you.

Thanks to you, I'm no longer the last 15 -year -old virgin in West Auckland.

You're 15.

You did him proud, love.

Billy.

Can't believe Eric got off with Rochelle.

She's going to be so sorry in the morning.

There's got to be some consolations, eh?

Things can't be the same when you get

out.

You know?

They're different now.

There are no prizes for suffering, love.

Nobody thanks you for it.

I appreciate what I've got.

You've got to admit it's been good.

Most of it.

Yeah, it has.

I'm not going to change, love.

I am who I am. I'm not some bloke who...

Goes off to work in the morning.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's true.

Whoa!

Yeah, yeah.

We've got to go.

Bye, Dan.

Bye,

darling. Bye, Dad.

Where's Van?

Hello?

You're off to drive?

Yeah.

I'm not set up front this time, are you?

I've broken every regulation so far, why not?

You can tell me what you've been doing with my daughter.

That's kind of cute, that prison guy.

Uh -huh.

He was in your room the whole time.

Uh -huh.

Let's just say you're still a slut, but I'm no longer a virgin.

True.

And now I never ever have to do it again.

Shit, Wolf, you promised.

Come on, Dad, run!

No, leave it. Come on!

I'll sort it, okay?

Dad, come on!

Now's your chance. Mum's got a house down in Coromandel.

You've done me proud, eh?

Did Billy proud, too.

Now why don't you go home and look after your mother for me, eh? Go.

When I met your father, I was 16.

I was a year older than Loretta and a couple of years younger than Pascal is

now.

I was working in my folks' dairy, and he

came in to ask for a packet of Winfield.

I said, smoking's bad for you.

He said, not as bad as I can be.

Well, that's romantic.

Oh, I know you think I'm weak.

Do you know that thing that happens between people when they first get

You know, the smell of them can take you up to heaven.

The touch of them can light up the grid from here to Bluff.

It's meant to fade away after you have kids, all that.

Not me and Wolf.

Never have.

You just have to.

Touch me. Oh, I'm sorry, you don't want to hear all this. It's okay.

Mum, look, you don't have to worry about the money.

Or Corky.

And he's crap, Mum.

He's a crap lawyer.

What do you mean?

I will do the appeal.

No. Okay, no, look, you love him and I'll go with that.

Okay, I'll do it for you.

I do love him.

But I can see my life with him here.

You know, everyone laughing, noise control turning up and taking the crap

stereo, van doing burglaries, wolf doing deals. It's the same as it ever was.

What it's like when you turn the lights on in a room full of mess.

You've seen it and it's too late.

You know the mess is there.

I worked it out.

If I want to lead this life the way I want to, my marriage is over.

I can't be

with your father anymore.

So, no money for Corky, right?

Don't do the appeal.

It's better if your father stays in prison.

I have such a headache.

I'll get you some water.

Go to sea, boy, get to sea, man.

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