All language subtitles for Outrageous Fortune s01e02 The Rub

Where there's a crime, there's a member
of the West family.

What do you get?

Four. You said one year, out in nine
months. No way.

Shit.

What are we going to do without him for
four years?

This could be worse than we... Your son,
Van, raided my father's home.

This was found in our living room.

It all stops.

From now on, we play it straight.

She actually thinks that it's going to
happen.

Yeah.

You spilled your bucket.

Lying in the gutter, I kept it going
from my mother.

She pat me on the head and said, don't
you see boy, get to see me.

My life's in the gutter, I guess I'm
going back to you.

You and my brain. You and my heart.

You and my brain.

So how's the modeling career going,
Pascal?

Fantastic. It's all happening just fine.

But that's why you're in here.

You know, that color really suits you,
Pascal.

Brings out the humongous bit on your
chin.

Last week was a great week for all of us
at Big Foods. Huge improvements in the

chiller cabinet and overall throughput
was up by 2%. This week, I want you to

especially vigilant about unlawful
taking.

And the employee of the month is...
Rayleigh.

Well done, Rayleigh.

Gabriel alone knows he's not a melon.

And that's all for this week.

I thought this was a staff meeting.

Yes, Cheryl. There's no loo paper in the
ladies again. That's the second time

this week.

I'll look into it. You said that last
time.

I'll look into it, Cheryl.

Good on you, girl.

Thanks, Miss T.

Brainy, next time Noel tries it on, tell
him where to go. You've got to stick up

for yourself.

Last time I got put on shelves.

No allowances. I'm sorry, but that's
just criminal. I'll talk to you later.

Come on.

Mum, where's the trust?

Can't afford to lose my job.

Boots.

The chip fat is killing my complexion.
That is no excuse for stealing. Now put

it back.

What?

Thank you. Thank you.

Cheryl West, a check -out chick.

Well, it's a job.

Even if the pay's crap, the manager's a
weasel and the price is a, well,

daylight robbery.

Yeah, well, it's tough making a normal
living.

How's your business, officer?

Good. Burgers are down 15%. I guess you
know all about that.

You know, some of these single -served
dinners, they're pretty high in

cholesterol. You care about my health
now?

Big foods, our customers always come
first.

You won't laugh, Cheryl.

Once a crim, always a crim.

You got a big foods card, sir?

Nope. Your wife take that with her too.

You know we're really paid to get one if
you plan on shopping here again.

Oh, I will.

Don't you worry about that.

Park it where?

Where would you like to park it?

If you think I'm bad, wait till you meet
Mrs. Holmes.

I did. She kicked me in the nuts.

Not my grandmother, stupid.

The one in Brisbane looking at
timeshares and buying bad clothes.

When you meet her, you will know the
meaning of suffering.

See, how's my wife at checkout, Chick?
I'm fine, thanks. How are you, Wolf?

Was it the patio or the hours that
attracted you to me? job not having the

raid the house in the middle of the
night's right up there you know what

me sad dropping a soap in the shower
what makes me sad is seeing you working

a supermarket jeez wolfie did you get so
up yourself you're too good cheryl for

a shit job like that i like having a job

so how are the kids

Mints again.

Mints.

We had mints last night.

Did we?

Count yourself lucky, Grandpa. For you,
every meal's a surprise.

It was on special, and it's food.

We had, like, a business, and you're
throwing it all down the dunny. For

For this shit?

No van for a future.

That's what I threw it down the dunny
for.

Pretty fuck -ass future being Chinky's
bum boy. Yeah, well, it's better than

being in jail. You reckon?

Yeah, and you don't know what you're
talking about.

At least in jail I'd give them respect.

Van. And the food would be better.

Van!

Guess he doesn't love his mates.

He's not.

Bought those for you today.

What? What? I thought that's what she
wanted.

I'll go.

Mints is good.

What's up, slutty?

I'm never going to be discovered at the
snapper shack.

I'm never going to be discovered if I
have a zip.

I'm never going to be discovered if I
don't have my photos.

And I'm never going to stay thin if I
live on mints.

Well, I guess that covers it.

I know she said it wouldn't happen
overnight, but sometimes it's just hard

keep going.

You know Rachel Hunter didn't write
that, eh? What?

It's a Pantene commercial.

Someone else wrote it. No.

It's her philosophy.

And I will make it one day. And then
I'll help you all.

And make the world a better place? Yeah.

I've got 500 bucks.

I thought you had 1500.

Well, I made an investment.

But you can have the extra 500.

You'd give it to me?

Fuck no.

You'll pay me back.

With interest.

Let's go.

How are you?

God, you're gorgeous.

Yeah.

I don't blame us.

I didn't even notice it.

Want some?

Want to take a sip?

Relax. Enjoy.

Okay.

Drink? No, thanks.

You never drink with me. I know.

You know, I really need my... I don't.

This is the down payment, and I'll get
you the rest after I get my first job.

Pascale, if I want to help you, I really
do, but I'm going to need a little bit

more than this.

Okay, then.

What are you doing?

What do you think?

Darling, you want a lot of photos.

Sorry.

Pascal, baby, you're so beautiful.

Yeah, so?

Some guys, this might be their idea of
the ultimate good time, but not me.

Really?

I'm looking for a whole lot more than
that from you.

Oh, yeah.

I need coffee. Three cups, and there's a
shopping list on the bench.

Okay. I'm not your maid.

When Mrs. Hong gets here, you will be.

Um... She's a go -to tub.

Are you torturing me on purpose?

Well, I think it's sexy being curved out
by the pool boys.

Enjoy it while you can.

Good morning, Noel.

Rayleigh. Morning, Cheryl.

Just discussing the final points of
customer service.

You always get this close to the
customers, do you, Noel? Part of the

is it?

Personal touch.

I feel you're a woman of strong views,
Cheryl.

Some would say a stirrer.

Oh, how's the family?

Fine, thanks.

Detective Sergeant Wayne Judd. We're on
a committee together.

Rotary. Building safer communities.

They're nice for you.

I'm keeping an eye on you, Cheryl.

Still no loo paper in the ladies' night.

I've got some tattoos.

What, having love?

No, put his hand on my bum.

And when I asked him not to, he
questioned my commitment to customer

Next time he doesn't, name where it
hurts. Then I'll be on stock rotation

you, babe. You don't have to put up with
this for me.

You're welcome to some tissues.

I've got plenty.

Tissue's my butt.

We got it right. Come on. We need that
toilet paper, for God's sake.

The security camera. You'll see.

You'll get a good look, won't you?
Ladies, I struck a blow for the working

classes.

How'd it go?

Rene wants the full amount.

I offered him a blowjob, but he wouldn't
take it.

He wouldn't?

What's the full sack of spuds?

Spuds? A root, Kurt.

With a full amount?

Mm -hmm.

Well, that doesn't sound like a totally
bad deal.

Loretta, yuck. It's not as if you
haven't rooted guys before.

Lots of guys. Not that many.

And Renee will never be the rod to my
Rachel.

What's that got to do with it? I'm
saving myself.

Yeah, but if you've already done a heaps
of... For the person who will

complement and enhance my career.

Her rod.

He so helped Rachel's career. And she
got heaps of publicity and a very

separation.

If I give myself away to just anyone,
I'll end up devalued and I'll lose my

essence. But if you don't sleep with
him, you won't get your photo.

I could help you up.

You? How?

Yeah, well, I just got a new digital
camera.

And who paid for that camera, Kurt? As
an investment in our future?

Hell he could.

That's really amazing.

Who are you?

Ben.

I work for the home.

Oh, poor you.

Are you a friend of Tracy?

Oh, God, no.

You want some?

Oh, no, it's Mr Hong's first.

Oh, what can I say?

One, I'm Ben.

Two, what are you going to do about it?

Well, I'll have to ask you to stop
drinking, Mr. Hogsworth.

And what if I'd say no?

Then we'd have a problem.

Really? Yep.

That would be such a pity.

Silly me.

No, I mean worst thing is I don't find
out shit

Don't worry, I'll tell my husband that I
broke out and he won't even care.

Your husband?

I've read of Mrs. Hogg. Oh man, that's
really terrible. I know, if Mr. Hogg

finds out, man, I'm dead.

Yeah, but she has aura.

She's got pretty nice tats, eh? She's
got nipples like Jeffers.

Stop that triple fly, we'll use it right
here in the store.

Can you shut down, please, Cheryl?

Come with us.

What's that?

Well, let's take it out the back.

Another rotary meeting, is it, Noel?

Cry theft as a servant.

What? Come on, Cheryl. Let's go.

Because I took one sodding toilet roll.
No, Cheryl. This is about the $500

missing from your cash draw last night.

So is there anything you need me to do,
like raise bail or whatever?

Okay, you're the lawyer.

Sort of.

Oh, great. This is really working. Can
you see the set?

Like we're paying her. We can get rid of
it in post.

I've got this program.

Yeah, you do, Kurt. The one I paid for,
along with the camera.

The camera to take pictures of locations
for our film. You have no idea how good

this makes me feel, Kurt.

By the way, that was Jethro on the
phone.

Mum's been arrested.

You mean she's come to her senses?

Awesome.

I never took that money. You believe me,
don't you?

Yeah, of course I do.

Well, nobody else does.

Look, don't worry about it, Mum.

You'll never make this stick, Sergeant.

Is that so, Jethro?

Is that your considered opinion as a law
clerk?

So instead of being a cop, I can make
things very difficult for you, son.

All those years of study, torts and sub
-clauses.

Be a waste of us all for nothing.

Yeah.

Police crap, Mum, you know that?

Shh.

Shh.

We got cut off.

Are we having mints again?

I had to put my make -up on in the dark.
God knows what I look like.

Still like a mole, I'm guessing.

Sorry, I was going to ring the power
company again today and tell them that I

had the money, but I kind of got...
Detained?

Um, Mum?

Yes, Mum?

Actually, we've got company.

Cheryl.

Hi, Eric.

I heard about the unfortunate incident.

Just wanted to see you're OK.

What did Wolf say when he heard about
the unfortunate incident?

Don't try and bullshit me that you
haven't told him.

Well, he was worried, actually.

I reckon it sounded like you were
getting desperate.

I didn't take the fucking money!

Next time you see Wolf, tell him thanks,
but no thanks. No, no, I was going

through the accounts, and that's just
what the store owes you.

Is that right?

Yeah. It's back wages.

Or something.

It's only two grand.

I thought I made it clear. I want
nothing from you, the store, or Wolf.

I could have got my photos done with
that money. Can you not go on about the

photos, Pascal, just right now? Now's
not the time for dreaming.

Dreaming? Modelling is not a dream, Mum.
Only dream around here is your...

Stupid dream of us living in poverty.

Some fucking dream that is. Give it a
rest, Loretta. Hey, I'm not the one who

got arrested today. Do you want me to
spend the rest of my life working at the

snapper shack? No, I don't. It's another
part of your big plan. No, I don't.

Like living without electricity?

Just give it a rest, both of you, will
you?

I'm trying to do the best for this
family.

Well, it's not really working, is it?

All right, you got me.

But we earned that money, Cheryl. It's
our business now, Cheryl.

Not anymore.

What am I supposed to do?

Watch my little girls lose their future.

My wife resorted to stealing her petty
cash. I did not make that money, okay?

Oh, really?

Yeah, really, Rolf.

That bastard manager framed me.

Tough game, that supermarket game.

Look, I just want a better future for
our kids, okay? Can you get your thick

skull around that and let me do it?

Not when I see you pissing everything
we've worked for down the drain. When I

hear about the way my kids are living.
They're fine.

They're going to hate you for the rest
of their lives, Cheryl.

You've already cut off Van's balls,
turned him into a bum boy for the hongs.

He's paying for what he did. He'll be
fine once he gets used to the idea and

stops coming up money to you about it.

Jesus, I'm just trying to fucking help
you.

What does it take to get through to you?

I don't need your help.

Oh, you're so wonderful, Kurt.

Fuck me now.

Hey. You're a glad rat.

You're a window.

I'm not. I'm just helping.

Kurt, she's not going to sleep with you.
She doesn't know that.

You'd settle for the blowjob, wouldn't
you?

That is so disgusting.

With my own sister.

She is kind of gorgeous.

Yeah, in a common or garden variety slut
kind of a way.

And Kurt, she is so stupid.

How could you do this to me?

Thought we had something special.

We do. Loretta, you're my best friend.

We had a special bond.

We both think Tarantino's overrated, yet
we both want to be him. We can both

quote all the best lines from Dawn of
the Dead, the original and the remake.

And you're willing to throw that all
away for the outside chance my dumbass

sister will suck your cock.

You really, really disappoint me, Kurt.

I'm sorry.

Well, if you're sorry, you'll do
something about it.

Yeah, but I promised to... The sister
who is your one and only true friend, or

the sister who will use you, spit you
out.

and break your hat.

The choice is yours kid.

So, on average, how many times a year do
we raid the West House?

So where were you at 1am this morning?

In bed.

And you?

In bed.

But in a different bed.

My bed.

Oi! I was about to use that.

This is all we've found so far, Sarge.

You think this is funny, do you?

Only if your idea of a joke includes
taking a 14 -tonne truck.

What? We are here in connection with a
delivery truck that went missing from

Foods at 1am this morning. It was found
at 5 .40, minus its content. So you tell

me that you don't know anything about
that.

Why would I?

Because it was delivering paper
products.

200 boxes of toilet paper.

It is a serious offence.

You say so.

You're coming with me.

Kim, what are you, mental?

Why would Mum steal a truckload of
toilet paper?

She knows.

Oh, what, you think this is me getting
back at Noel Greenwood? You are mental.

Yeah, well, we can discuss that at the
station. Hey, no way is Mum going

anywhere with you unless you arrest her,
bro. Yeah, so is your evidence. But you

don't have any. Sit back, the lot of
you. Hey, look, kids, it's fine. He's

nothing and he knows it. Gee, Cheryl,
for someone who's trying to go straight,

you're making a hell of a thief.

Look, you've executed your search
warrant, you've made a mess of my house,

you've got your evidence. When you want
to lay charges, I'll be right here.

Come on.

Triple, like, well, could you send me a
few rolls?

Yeah, well, if you had anything to do
with it... Why would I?

I mean, I know this stuff needs a bit
like cardboard, but a truckload?

Maybe it's the universe getting back at
the guy who framed you. Yeah, well, the

universe isn't making my life any
easier.

Look, if I knew who did this, I'd tell
you.

Cheryl,

love, I know we don't always see eye to
eye on things, but I... I swear to you,

on the grave of my mother, I had nothing
to do with this. All right?

All right.

Chin up, babe.

You get the power back on?

Yeah, I did.

Bye.

Owe you money for the power bill.

Don't accept cheques.

Can't afford to write one.

Then we're sorted.

What do you want?

Can we talk?

Why the fuck would I want to talk to
you?

Because if we can talk alone, we might
be able to sort something out. Well, you

know, Noel, I was going to suggest to my
family here that they go out and buy

something for dinner, but because I got
arrested and fired today, we can't

afford it.

Will you be all right on your own?

You should ask Noel, baby.

Come on, Grandpa, let's get some real
food.

I've shat better than you.

Okay, you've made your point, Cheryl.
What point? I want my toilet paper back.

You haven't got your toilet paper.

That's not what the cops think, not what
I think. Look, I don't have your toilet

paper as much as I didn't nick that
money from Mattel. I don't need this

Cheryl. Look, head office are all over
me because, you know, people who want to

keep their job managing big food
supermarkets don't lose truckloads of

And I'm getting accused of sexual
harassment.

Because you do.

Then to top it all off, everyone goes on
bloody strike.

Hold on, what's this about everyone
going on strike?

Everyone. All the girls.

Because of you.

Can't afford to go on strike with me.

Tell them that.

Bloody going on that I unfairly
dismissed you. Yeah, well, you framed

It doesn't get much more unfair than
that.

I can make that go away.

If I get my toilet paper back.

All the girls go back to work.

Including me.

Yeah.

I hope he's paying you what you're
worth.

Mrs. Hall.

Susie, listen, I was thinking I'd take a
drive today and you could drive me.

Hi, Tracy.

Darling, now listen, you've got the
accountant coming in, so I thought I'd

town. Can you spare a van for a few
hours? I hate driving in Auckland.

Catch a cab or a bus or bar crawl.

Yeah, and, um...

The pool's got quite a few leaves in it
and stuff, so... You can take me where I

want to go, clean the pool when we get
back.

You'll drive my wife.

Okay?

Now.

Ha -ha.

Oh, yes. Yep.

Oh, now.

Yep. Oh, yes. Yep.

Oh, you're there. Yep.

Yep. Oh, yes. Yep.

Oh, yes.

God, you fucked like a stallion, man.

Cool. We should get back now.

Where's Kit?

He had to go out.

Did he finish my photos? Yeah.

Sure, why not? I love holding.

None of them came out.

Huh? Yeah, not a one. Well, they were
fine when we downloaded them from the

camera. Actually, you looked really,
really beautiful.

But then the computer crashed and we
couldn't retrieve a thing.

No! It was a real tragedy.

Kurt cried.

What am I going to do now?

Save up? Yeah, right.

She's upset.

Kurt, see, it isn't everything you know.
If you think about it for just five

seconds, it's totally disgusting.

It's just this urge to continue the
species, and then the crap starts.

Do you want to watch Evil Deadwood's
director's commentary?

Yeah, I guess.

You'll thank me in the end.

Four times?

Yep, she made me.

Man, that's hard.

So she's on top, then you're on top.

Then she takes off your top, and then
she says you fuck like a what?

A billion.

Got the money?

Tell Wolf not to get his hopes up. It's
a one -off emergency type of thing.

Whatever you say.

I have $1 ,500 in this envelope.

which I'm prepared to give to the person
who can offer me information about the

Big Foods truck job.

Reliable information.

And the $1 ,500 will go to that person
once the goods have been returned.

No questions asked.

Good.

You like a Bacardi and cake?

Just the one.

I've really got to go.

$1 ,500.

How the fuck did she get $1 ,500?

I don't know.

Hello?

You're giving away $1 ,500 while we're
living on mints with no power.

The power's back on.

If you gave me $1 ,500, I could get my
photos, and then with my first job, I

could pay you back.

That's a lovely thought, my darling, but
I need the money to clear my name.

Your name?

What about my life?

I can pay you back now.

Awesome.

Hey, I know you're angry with me about
the Hongs.

I know it hurts your pride having to do
what you're doing.

Yeah.

Kinda. Well, if it's getting on top of
you, you can tell me.

Nah, it's okay.

I mean, it does.

Hey, sometimes.

But, yeah, I can handle it.

Boy, Teddy didn't know anything about
any truck.

And I'm pretty sure he's not lying.

I also heard something. He's the world's
biggest sleazeball.

Jessica, this is about that time I
called you a big fat hoe.

I'm sorry.

How sorry?

You're not fat.

But I'm still a hoe. You're not a hoe.

You're just popular.

Thank you.

That means a lot.

But if I did know anything?

I'll be going for the cash myself.

Let's get to work.

Hey, beautiful.

Hey, Renee. I'm in trouble.

It's just my stuff of life.

I am. You know I want to help you.

I can't sleep with you, Renee. I can't.
I made this vow for myself.

Okay.

What about dinner?

Just tonight.

Yeah.

Of course, we'll split it. 50 -50, like
we said.

I don't know. Whatever half of 1500 is,
man. Just call around and see what you

can find out.

No, we haven't done it. Not since the
last time you asked, man.

Hello, good boy.

Hello, manager, and she's got to work.

How do you feel about riding?

I've got to go, Mons.

Um... I need to approve the new stables
up at the stud farm and I... Well, I

need a stud to help me.

Look, Mrs. Hall... Susie.

Susie?

What about Mr. Hall?

Well, he won't be at the stables.

And he won't find out if that's what
you're worried about.

No, I wasn't worried.

I get worried, man.

Ah, leave the shirt off. You can save
time later and give me something to look

at in the car.

Come to arrest me again, Sergeant?

Not today.

Maybe if we had the resources to put a
large amount of cash on the bar of the

rusty nail.

Just trying to clear my name, Sergeant,
since you don't seem to have the

inclination of the brains to do it.

If you do hear of anything... Beg your
pardon?

Well, we are keen to catch this
offender.

Well, I was the offender.

Just trying to keep an open mind,
Cheryl.

Go solve your own problems, Wayne.

Cheryl speaking.

Good afternoon to you, Mr Holmes.

I hear you require information.

Yeah, how do you know this?

I have people work for me.

Someone wants to sell me toilet paper.
Very cheap.

I don't need your money, Mrs. Ware.

And I really don't need to fill I .O
.U., Mr. Hong.

Please go on.

Are you Oscar Fusilama?

Maybe.

You, you are Cheryl Westy. Have you been
trying to offload certain goods to

certain parties?

I don't know what you're talking about,
eh?

Come on, Oscar, what's the going rate
for flogging hot bog paper to the

No idea, eh? You know, I've got
connections.

Not anymore you don't, Mrs. Wesson.

God, I stink of chips.

Why weren't you at work?

I finished early.

We had to pay for our food.

Good luck picking out the cockroaches.

Where are you going?

Just dinner. With Rene.

Just dinner?

He wants to have just dinner with me.

You're going to root him.

What's it to you?

Guys never mean just dinner. I am aware
of what guys mean when they say just

dinner, Lorena. I'm not a stupid virgin
like you.

Okay, whatever.

Pascal and Rene doesn't have quite the
same ring as Rachel and Rod, does it?

Does no one in this family realise I
know what I'm doing?

You're trying on with it?

Yeah, Kurt, I do.

Well, what do you expect me to do? Try
and save her?

We were very impressed with the stables,
weren't we, Van?

Yep. Mr Hong is a whiz in the kitchen.

And I love his wonton.

Like little fried tentacles.

You are naughty.

And you love it.

Fan, you happy here?

Yeah, it's all right.

Eat.

Go on, eat.

So.

You don't like fried testicles?

You don't like my daughter?

Yeah.

You like my wife?

No.

I mean, yeah. I love my wife.

Any man who touch her?

One time.

Do you like balsami?

I have no idea.

Hey, I'm famous. Really?

Local paper came down to the picket
line.

Take our picture.

God, you know, I really wish you guys
would go back to work. You can't afford

this. Have you caught those criminals
yet?

Oh, I know who it is. Some local shitbag
wants to be a gangster in a room. Maori

boy. No, Tongan or Samoan. Those
Tongans, they're bad.

Oscar someone.

Oscar?

Oscar Futsi Lama?

Get this down here.

Nice and smooth.

Nice and white satin.

Cool name.

What are you having with?

It's a lady's drink.

Yum.

I'm stuck to class.

Don't worry, I've got plenty more.

How about a kiss?

But I thought you didn't want to.

A kiss is all right, isn't it? Just a
little one.

Let's have a drink for my career.

Well, the one I'll have when I get my
photos.

Yeah, I'll drink to that.

I get drunk really easily.

Oh, really?

Let's go!

Hey!

Who was that?

Stupid sister.

Loretta, I've come to rescue you. Yeah,
and she's not alone.

I don't need rescuing. Are you sure now?
Positive.

Fuck off!

Well, I guess she didn't want to be
rescued.

I apologise for my family.

It's no manners.

No worries.

I feel a little bit woozy.

Already? Yeah.

Well, maybe...

You'd like to learn it just make sure I
wake up for them on

Wake up.

Wakey, wakey.

What the fuck?

What happened?

No, it was meant to be me lying passed
out on the bed and you having all the

fun. But you forgot, Rene.

I've been on West Auckland dates before.
I've learned one or two things in my

time, like never close your eyes when
you're kissing.

Always keep an eye on your drink.

My negatives.

Where are they?

Where are they, Rene?

I don't have them. Really?

No. I'm ready.

It's out of staples.

It's out of staples, you stupid bitch. I
don't think that's going to stop me.

I don't have your stupid negatives
either.

I trashed those weeks ago. I knew you
were never going to get the money.

There are girls like you all over this
town.

I think they're special.

The only way you're ever going to be
special is when you're doing five years

kidnapping.

You go to the cops.

You're in the heartbeat, sweetie.

You invited me here.

My sister was here worried about me, so
in the my word against yours text, I'm

already way ahead of you. Wouldn't you
agree?

I thought so.

Where are you going? I will not be
confined to a life in Snabbershack Hell

because of a worm like you.

Whatever, I'm timing that girl. I don't
need you or your shit photos. I will

move on from this. I'm timing!

You, Rene, you had your chance and you
blew it. But my clean hasn't come till

Monday.

What?

I'm going to have to work in the
factory.

I'm a hire owner.

See that deal?

Look, I can hook you guys up with a job
like that sometimes.

What?

I am so ashamed.

Oh, look, I don't know what she's going
to tell you. Lie and steal.

Give that toilet paper back.

I'm sorry, sir. I've got a gift for
tomorrow.

Where's Mr. Hall?

Gone to watch one of Susie's stupid
horses at the stupid races.

Yeah,

my father left this for you.

What's this?

It's called money.

You know, you get it when you work.

He has all this just lying around.

Well, he's in business.

He pays me cash.

So, Ben, what do you think about my evil
witch queen stepmother?

She's okay, I guess.

Has she come on to you yet? What?

No. No way.

She will. It's only a matter of time.
And, you know, she looks okay, too, for

aging trolley dolly, so it wouldn't be
too disgusting.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hang on. You want me to... Look. Susie
is a gold -digging tramp, but my father

can't see it yet.

So I need someone to help me open his
eyes and get her out of my house.

And again, if you helped me, I'd be
really

very grateful.

If Susie goes, then there's no more sex
with Susie.

And if she goes, then Mr. Holm knows.

So, my balls are like deep -fried
wontons, man.

Yeah, but if you get rid of Susie, you
get the full choice. Yeah, but my balls

are wontons.

You can't root anything with deep -fried
balls, man.

So, can I buy three, sir?

No, don't think so.

And Mr. Hong gave me 1 ,500 bucks, man.

He's sleeping with his wife.

No, for working and shit.

Oh, yeah.

Well, we definitely need to work on this
threesome idea.

What do you mean, we?

So Big Food's got their toilet paper
back? Mm -hmm. And Noel Greenwood

it was an accounting error, and I have
my job back.

I'll have your mince, Mum.

Suck up. Great wall.

And so who was behind the great toilet
paper heist?

Well, Mrs T's nephew, some two -bit
gangster wannabe. No one we know.

Three of them, eh?

Big guys on a huge man.

Jump me, eh? And so I have to give back
the book, baby.

So, so, so.

Yeah, right.

27.

That's me.

You've probably heard this before, but
are you a model?

No, not yet.

Lucky for me. Really?

Why? That means I've discovered you
before anyone else.

Give me a call. We can talk
opportunities.

And you are?

Pascal. Pascal West.

That's a beautiful name for a very
beautiful woman.

Thank you.

Didn't happen overnight, but it did
happen.

This program was made with funding from
New Zealand On Air.