Original subtitles

I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

I know I am, I'm sure I am.

I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

I know I am, I'm sure I am. He's H -A -P -P -Y.

Fig, there's a lady doctor on the wards. I've just seen her. Oh, yes.

She's wearing a T -shirt. Is she?

It's got I fell in love in Portugal on it. Good for her.

Well, I hope she doesn't come in here.

Why? She might want to examine me.

Well, I shouldn't worry. If she fell in love in Portugal, I don't think you're

going to spring any surprises.

No, but I'd find it embarrassing.

Embarrassing? I would have thought you'd lost all modesty by now, Norman.

We've been pushed, poked, prodded, and our private parts exposed to public gaze

and ridicule.

What have you got to be so secretive about?

What have you got hidden down there? The crown jewels?

mean, Fig. It's just that I don't fancy being asked to cough by a woman in a T

-shirt and a split skirt.

Oh, a split skirt? You haven't missed much, have you?

Have you heard, Archie? There's a lady doctor on the wards.

Is there?

Well, I hope she doesn't come in here. Oh, not you as well, Archie. What have

you got against lady doctors?

Fig, it's we're in hospital.

It's a dangerous place. People have been known to die in here.

We need the best treatment we can get. I have no intention of placing my body in

the hands of a woman.

Why not? I've never worried you before.

In any case, I don't think you can refuse, Archie. You're forgetting the

Discrimination Act.

The barriers are down, brother.

Not in this bed, they're not, Figgis.

Anyway, I don't agree with all this career nonsense.

It doesn't matter what you agree with. It's the law.

What if you claim exemption on religious grounds?

What religious grounds?

It's quite simple, really.

I happen to believe that God took a rib from Adam whilst he slept and created

woman so that she should be bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh and should

cleave unto him.

She's not going to have much time for cleaving if she's out at work all day.

I can't believe this. I can't believe what I'm hearing.

That's only symbolic, isn't it, Archie? It's not really true.

You count your ribs, Norman. You'll find one missing.

Will I?

I wonder who's got mine.

Precisely. Explain that, Figgis. I see no reason to go against the Bible on

one. All right, but there's no reason to be prejudiced, Archie.

You were always partial to a bit of spare rib. That's got nothing to do with

Figgis. Career women have never interested me.

I find them far too cold and clinical.

She's not. She fell in love in Portugal.

I don't care where she fell in love, Figgis. A woman who competes with men is

woman under stress. And do you know what happens to women under stress? They

develop deep voices and grow hair on their chest.

Good morning, everyone.

I say, Peggy is.

Who's that?

Well, judging by the slogan on her chest, I think that's her.

She seems to be bearing up under the stress pretty well, aren't she?

Good morning, Mr Glover.

I'm Dr Glossop.

Oh, well, good morning, Dr Glossop.

What can I do for you? I want some of your blood.

I beg your pardon?

I want to take a sample of your blood. Blood?

From your arm. That's relief. You thought you were going for his neck.

Now, if you'd just roll up your sleeve.

Just a moment.

Have you done this before?

Well, yes.

Once or twice. Once or twice?

I would point out that I have very delicate veins, not easily accessible.

Nor do I have a plentiful supply of blood. I'm not just about to have a

removed by someone who's only done it once or twice.

Well, everybody's got to learn, Archie. Not on me, they haven't. It won't be a

cupful, and it won't hurt, Mr Glover. Someone tapping your bloodstream? Of

course it hurts. I'm bound to feel something. I'm not a rubber tree.

Come along, Mr Glover.

Aren't you being a bit of a jessie?

A bit... A bit of a jessie?

I have been...

seriously ill.

I was despaired of.

When I came in here, I was down to nothing. A little old lady carried me in

a taxi.

So if you think that I'm just about to let a slip of a girl interfere with my

metabolism, you're mistaken.

I see.

Well, I'll leave you for a moment.

Perhaps you'll change your mind.

He won't change his mind.

Don't you want to look at me, Doctor?

You're sure you don't mind being examined by a slip of a girl? Well, I

insist on a male nurse being present, but if it's your first day... Right.

Let's have a look at you.

Not a pretty sight.

Abdominal surgery with mild post -operative infection.

Due to male members of the staff insisting on handling you just after

their pipes.

Oh!

Does that hurt?

Now, but can I give you a piece of advice as you start out on what I hope

be a long and successful career in medicine?

What's that?

Warm your hands before examining the patient.

Sorry, Mr Figgis.

Oh.

Oh, I know what you're thinking.

How's he keeping alive?

I wonder meself some days.

What seems to be the problem? Oh, you might well ask.

It's the old adrenal cortex not functioning properly.

I don't remember anything about that, and you know? Oh, they haven't put pen

paper yet, but they know.

They think it's Addison's disease.

But that's very rare.

Rare? It's unique.

That's why Thorpe isn't saying much, but I know what he's thinking.

It's in his eyes when he looks at me.

Addison's disease.

Poor devil.

But it only affects four people in a million.

Really? As much as that?

Well, look at me. I've got the classic symptoms.

General lethargy, feeble heartbeat, patchy skin.

Anemia? It's all there.

But this is very exciting. I've never come across it before.

Yes, you've dropped in lucky on your first day, haven't you?

Do you have any pain? Only in the chest, but of course that's due to the angina.

Oh, angina as well. Just a further complication.

Oh, that goes again.

And what do you think brought that on? I think it was I fell in love in

Portugal.

If you take my advice, you'll button up that coat before Mr Thorpe comes in

here. Why? Doesn't he approve of that sort of thing?

Not if he hasn't partaken.

Ah, Dr Gloss, I thought I'd call in and see how you were coming along.

Good morning, Mr Thorpe.

Well,

I see you've found our prized patient. What do you make of him?

Well, there's been abdominal surgery, which has resulted in some post

infection. Yes.

And there's some evidence of anemia.

Go on.

And with the dry skin and general lassitude, the fault could lie with the

adrenal cortex.

The adrenal cortex?

With possibly some indication of Addison's disease.

Addison's disease?

Fascinating. Has the patient been talking to you?

Yes.

He has just tried stopping them.

And tell me, Doctor, have you noticed anything else while pouring over this

battlefield of a body?

No, he does complain of angina.

Angina?

Tell me, Doctor, do you notice any link between these ailments?

Link? Come along, Doctor, staring you straight in the face. What have they all

got in common?

I don't know. They all begin with A.

It's quite simple. Figures he's been working his way through the medical

dictionary and he's now started again with the A's.

Tomorrow it will be the B's. We'll probably be asked to deal with

botulism and Baghdad button.

What's Baghdad button, Doctor?

Never you mind, Figures. Could I have a word, Dr. Glossop?

It is not an auspicious start.

No, Mr Thorpe. When you gain a little more experience, you'll realise that

patients are much like witnesses in court. They either say too much or too

little. And in either case, they can get you hanged. I said when you have gained

more experience. Perhaps I should have said if.

I'll be frank.

I don't like lady doctors.

I don't like them in my wards. I don't like the problems they bring. And I

particularly don't like them with slogans across their chest.

That was just a joke, Mr. Thorpe. This is a hospital. It is no place for jokes.

The country has spent a great deal of money in training you, Doctor. I should

asked to spend a great deal of my time in telling you everything I know, the

of which you'll probably get pregnant.

I consider it... I consider it an appalling waste.

But, Mr. Thorpe, I know... Having said that, I bid you welcome to the hospital

and I hope you'll be very happy here.

Now, have you taken Glover's blood sample?

No. Why not?

He didn't want me to. Didn't want you to? He's not a Jehovah's Witness, is he?

You think a male doctor would have taken that rebuff? What do you want my blood

for, Doctor? We want to test your calcium level.

Calcium level?

Is there a deficiency?

Oh, my God.

That explains everything. The little white flecks behind the nails, the

of brittleness. Don't make such a fuss, Glover.

Now, I want that blood, Doctor, even if you have to put your knee on his chest.

And hurry. We don't have all day.

Gupta.

Now, don't worry, Mr Glover, it won't hurt.

I'm just going to apply a tourniquet.

And I want you to clench your fist.

Well, be careful, because I bruise very easily.

I'm sure you do.

My, what a lovely smooth skin.

Yes.

It's very white, isn't it?

And you see those little blue veins?

They're like the fine tracery that you get in marble.

Yes.

And it's one of those little blue veins that I want.

I'm just going to flip the needle into one you'll feel a slight prick. That's

all. There.

Now I'm drawing the blood off very slowly.

I always think that when a patient knows what's going on,

Want to bet?

Oh, you're draining me.

I can feel it oozing away.

There.

We're all finished.

Oh, thank you.

Just a minute.

Is that all mine?

So much blood.

Oh, I feel pain.

Oh, I'm going.

I'm going.

You intend causing this devastation every morning, Dr. Glossop?

If so, I'll alert the hospital authorities and have them standing by in

readiness.

and get this mess cleaned up at once.

Yes, Mr. Thorpe.

I'm sorry.

Excuse me.

She was crying.

I beg your pardon, Norman? There was a tear. A what?

There was a tear on her cheek.

We tear all our cheeks if this goes on, Norman.

I just hope you're all satisfied.

I just hope you're all pleased with yourselves.

You have made her cry.

Come, I must hurry. I'm all behind.

She's been like a bull in a china shop.

That... Woman? Do you mean Dr. Glossop, Gupti? Yes, damn silly name.

Why do you take that attitude, Gupti? After all, you should know what it's

to be a sexual outcast.

What?

I didn't know about this, Gupta.

What are you talking about? I mean, you've had to compete in a woman's

Oh, you're right there.

What a country.

I'm always taking orders from women.

There's the Queen, Mrs. Thatcher, Machen, Filster, I'm fed up with it.

to it, that's all. You have to face the fact that there are some things that

women can't do as well as men.

Such as?

They cannot throw a cricket ball. I have seen them.

Their shoulders are in the wrong place and their bosoms get in the way.

Yes, and she's got a very nice bosom. Have you seen her vest? I fell in love

Portugal.

Don't talk about her like that.

Can I share the joke, Gupta?

There is no joke.

I'm too busy for jokes.

Excuse me, I must give Norman his injection.

I'll do that if you like.

I don't think Norman would like that. As a matter of fact, Gupti, I'd prefer it

if Doctor gave me my injection.

What was that, Norman?

Doctor Glossop, would you give me my injection?

Are

you

sure you really want me to, Norman? Yes, please.

Where would you like it?

I beg your pardon?

In the arm or the bottom?

Oh, in the arm, please.

You usually have it in the bottom. Shut up, please.

I haven't done this very often.

You don't have to look.

Well, one of you has to.

What should I do, inject him or harpoon him, Doctor?

Go ahead, Doctor. I can take it.

Not at all.

Oh, I must be getting better.

Yes, you've certainly brought the courage of his kids.

What are you doing, Doctor?

I was giving Norman his injection.

Oh, are you indeed?

And where are the notes? You can't give an injection without referring to the

notes. Where are they?

I thought you had them, Mr Thorpe. Why should I have them? I'm not a filing

clerk.

I suggest you go and find them.

Do I have to do everything myself?

What's this?

I think they're my notes, Mr Thorpe.

What are they doing here? They're confidential.

They should be left lying around. Who put them there?

You did.

Oh.

Mr Thorpe, do you think I could have a word?

Yes, Figures.

Don't you think you're being a bit hard on Dr Glossop?

You mean because she's a woman? Yes, just because she is a woman, a rather

attractive woman. Aren't you trying to put that fact to the back of your mind?

What are you getting at, Figures?

A hospital is a very claustrophobic world, and you two could be working in

proximity, where the whiff of a perfume or the sudden sight of those cute little

freckles on her cheek may distract your attention just for a moment.

Stuff and nonsense, Vickers.

Perhaps you're right, Doctor. Perhaps the bluff, irascible manner of yours is

your best means of defence.

I'm sorry, Mr. Thorpe, I can't find the notes anywhere.

I seem to have lost them. No, you have not, Dr. Glossop. I misplayed them. It

was entirely my fault. I must apologise.

In my eagerness to apportion blame, I picked on the youngest and the most

inexperienced. That was absolutely unforgivable of me.

Now, allow me to make amends by offering you freckles in my room.

Freckles?

Um, I mean coffee.

This way, my dear.

I wonder if she'll come tonight.

Who?

Amy. I mean, Dr. Glossop. She came last night.

She had a long talk.

My word, it hasn't taken long, has it?

A what?

For her to win favour with the patients and the doctors.

That's because she's a wonderful person. Wonderful person? That's just because

she wiggles her hips.

Amy Glossop does not wiggle her hips. It's just that she is simply wonderful.

Oh, come along, Norman. She's a woman, isn't she? They're all the same. They're

mad for it.

Take off that white coat and what have you got?

You've got Amy Glossop.

Hello, Norman. How are you feeling this evening?

I'm feeling much better, Amy.

I like the outfit.

I've been to a party.

You look terrific.

I'd better go and put my white coat on.

Will you come back and see me later?

Of course I will, Norman.

Doctor, could I have a word?

Certainly, Mr Glover.

What is it? Have you had the results of my calcium test yet?

Not yet.

But I shouldn't worry.

But I need to know. You see, I have this habit of grinding my teeth at night.

And if there is a deficiency, I'll be down to the gums by night.

Why do you think you grind your teeth? Well, it's the inactivity.

It doesn't suit a man like me.

I get restless at night.

But you must rest.

I can't. You see, once you've been under the knife, you get this new zest for

living. I want to go out into the fields and run through the damp grass and look

at the sky and talk to a beautiful woman.

I'll see if I can get you something to make you sleep.

What has night to do with sleep? Night has better sweets to prove.

Venus now wakes and awakens love.

Yes.

Quiet.

Excuse me, Mr Glover, I think I'd better go and get my white coat.

Did you hear that, Fig? He was quoting poetry at her. You keep away from her,

Glover! What's it got to do with you, mother's boy?

Actually, I always find that a bit of poetry gets them going.

Gets them going? Did you hear that, Fig? Yes, I heard, and I'm shocked at the

pair of you. I don't know what you think you're doing.

Here's a young girl starting out in her career, needing all the help she can

get, and what do you do?

Try and take advantage of her. I was only chatting her up, Roy. And where do

think that was going to lead? You want to watch it. Remember the calcium. You

start that game with her, mate, you could snap like a dead twig.

Don't be ridiculous, Roy.

She said there was nothing to worry about. Well, I'm not so sure. They don't

always tell you the truth, and quite frankly, when you walk around here,

can hear you creaking.

You're just trying to frighten me. Perhaps I am, Archie. I just don't think

right. But I wasn't trying to chat her up, Fig.

I love her. Oh, yes? Well, you seem to have an amazing capacity for falling in

love these days. In fact, ever since you were at Times Wing at Chariot area

near, you seem to fall in love with everyone you meet. Hardly get some sort

substitute for not going abroad.

But this is different, Fig. I know it is. All right, you love her. But if you

love someone, you've got to be prepared to let them go, Norman.

She's worked hard all these years to become a doctor.

Don't hold her back.

Don't chain her down.

I don't want to do that.

I'm sure you don't. But if you love someone, you've got to be prepared to do

big thing.

Let her spread her wings, Norman.

Let her soar as high as she can.

I've never looked at it like that, Roy. You're right.

She's got her career. The poor, the sick, the maimed need her more than I

Who am I to hold her back?

Norman Binns.

Failed draughtsman.

I knew you'd understand, Norman.

I didn't understand what all the fuss is about. I was only chatting her up.

Well, it's not right, Archie. You cheapen yourself and you cheapen her.

Treating her like a sex object.

Taking advantage of her because she's a young girl trying to do a man's job.

Pulling her like that.

I think it's disgusting.

But, Roy... I'm sorry, Archie. I don't want to talk about it anymore.

Well...

I never realised he felt like that about it.

He's right, you know.

You mean about cheapening yourself?

No. I am creaking.

You look very serious, Vigis. What's the matter?

A word of warning, Doctor.

I know you want to be accepted round here, but make sure the price isn't too

high. What do you mean?

I mean, don't lose your integrity. There's a lot of people watching you.

Florence Nightingale, Emily Pankhurst, Germaine Greer.

Don't let them down, Doctor.

Figgis, what are you trying to tell me?

There's someone running around here boasting he's going to sweep you off

feet.

Oh, is he?

I don't want to name any names, but any minute he could come slinking in here

for a bit of slap and tickle. I don't believe it. He's taking bets on it.

Well, we'll see about that. Shh, there's somebody coming.

Don't worry, I won't be far away.

hoping I might find you.

I just wanted to say I've been watching you very carefully over the last few

days. I think you're shaping up nicely.

Do you really, Mr. Thorpe? Oh, please. Call me Gordon.

You mustn't be put off by my brusque manners. A very solitary life being a

surgeon. I find it hard to get close to people.

How close do you want to get, Gordon?

Well, I was wondering if you'd like to see me operate.

Watch my technique at close quarters. I could teach you a great deal, my dear. I

think you and I could work very well together.

No, thank you, Mr Thorpe.

Pardon? I am very well aware how you operate. Just don't try it on me.

I think there's been some misunderstanding.

There certainly has.

I am not a pushover, Mr Thorpe. A pushover? And I can make my way in

without any of that. Any of what?

Slap and tickle.

Slap and tickle?

I don't slap and tickle people.

That's not what I've heard.

Who?

Excuse me, I think I bleeped.

I made you a marvellous. I didn't go too far.

But the vanity of the man...

I think he's God's gift to women.

He won't anymore. I was proud of you. You're beautiful when you're angry. The

little flecks in your eyes sort of light up.

I just didn't want him to think I was that sort of a person.

Do you think I'm like that, Figgis? Of course not.

Are there little flecks in my eyes, Figgis?

Oh, yes.

I know it's the first time I saw you.

Hazel eyes with little lights dancing in them.

But you never wanted to take advantage.

No. I knew you were a woman devoted to her career.

Of course.

Mind you, on second thoughts, a man can't always resist temptation.

I think she's in here, Norman.

Ah, Dr Glossop, I just wanted to say sorry.

Norman and I have been talking and Figgis was right.

I was out of line back there on the ward.

Why what's the matter? I think you're creaking again!