Original subtitles

Hey, Mom!

It's starting!

Big deal.

So, what you're saying is your husband doesn't go to Seattle on Wednesday

Well, Jack says he does, but American Express says he doesn't.

The last time I left the Blue Vista Hotel was here in town.

I can understand your concern, Mrs. Milstein.

Milstein.

I don't know.

Maybe it's the damn economy.

Sales are down.

Jack's got blood pressure, so... After 15 years, he gets an itch. Could be the

economy, yeah.

Mrs. Milstein, I don't mean to pry, but... Do you and your husband have any

concerns about...

Jack has always been and continues to be a very passionate man, if that's what

you mean, Mrs. Sullivan.

Uh, yeah.

Yeah.

Mr. Fox, I want you to find out exactly what that man is doing behind my back.

Poor woman.

Poor she ain't.

Jack and Gloria Milstein are Millcraft Design, Inc.

How much is it for?

Thanks for coming by, Sally. Always a pleasure.

You're going to need help on this one, Bernie. There could be two people in

hotel room if they split up.

All right, I'll make the reservations. Man and wife okay for you?

So what is it, Mom?

Murder? The number is on the fridge in case of an emergency. We will be listed

under Mr. and Mrs. Fox.

Oh, God.

What a riot.

There's a lasagna thawing.

Don't abuse the tube. Marie, you're in charge.

So what else is new?

Listen, honey.

The day job will not cover all the bases anymore. I have got to work the odd

night. I'm sorry.

If you need anything... Call Nadine.

Don't worry, Mom. He covered all the bases.

Oh, honey, you're a pal.

You too, Ray.

So what is it, Mom?

Car theft?

Illegal sex?

If I told you, Ray, it'd be unethical.

Good night.

Are you ready?

Yeah. I haven't seen the inside of a hotel room in years.

What's the thing?

No scenes in 1501 of the North Tower?

So you booked the South Tower?

1504.

Magnificent view of the water, and maybe more if Jerry gets lucky.

Nice room?

Yes.

Is it an overnight?

Not so close.

We don't want anyone seeing in while we're looking out.

Bernie,

I see him.

I got him.

Gosh, he looks like he could use a good night's sleep.

I'm sure he'll find the strength.

Tell me when she comes in. I'll get us in close.

Why black and white?

Faster film, better contrast, superior detail.

I can tell that you're relishing the prospect.

Take the pictures, pick up the paycheck.

Cut and dried, no relish.

One could look at this as a way of helping Jack and Gloria Milstein through

rough chapter.

One could?

Want to be a marriage counselor or a detective?

These were given to me by an old friend.

Used to do stakeouts on birds.

Taught me a lot about patience.

Really?

Keep an eye.

What's he doing?

What you're doing.

Oh, Jack.

What?

Okay.

Down to business.

Oh, movies, Jack?

Picking up the merchandise.

Do -si -do your partner.

Tell her how much you miss her.

And how you love her so.

I made sure we wouldn't be disturbed.

I still get a bit nervous.

You can trust Jack Milstein.

So you like what I got, Jack Milstein?

Nice, Brenda.

Very nice.

We're off to the races.

We'll be out of here in half an hour.

This is going to be X -rated, Bernie. I'm not sure I want to watch.

Just take a look at a little of it and see what you think.

It's a dirty job, but somebody's... No, Jack, don't.

No, no, no, no, don't, please.

We're here for the long haul.

You can relax now.

I bet you really cut your teeth on steakhouse, huh, Bernie?

You learn how to deal with this exhaustion and the loneliness.

You don't think about yourself too much. That must be deadly.

You been reading Hammett?

Yeah.

Just stay awake.

Keep your objectivity.

Objectivity? Yeah.

You had this case figured the minute Mrs. Milstein walked in the office.

the objectivity?

There are times when you've got to make assumptions.

What the hell else are a man or a woman going to do in a hotel room in the

middle of the night?

I don't know, Bernie. You tell me.

I thought you put the sign out. I did.

Give me, give me.

Are you okay?

Yeah? It's me.

Open the door.

We brought dinner.

BLTs and chips.

Sally, your kids are here.

Heard they have a health club here.

Come on, Mom. When do we ever get to sleep in a hotel?

There's only one bed.

I love my life.

On my plastic.

Let it go, Bernie.

You know, there is a code governing the do's and don'ts of the P .I. trade.

The kids at the stakeout race up there with the really big don'ts. The 1990s,

Bernie. You never hear of children in the workplace?

Here we go.

The third time. In two hours.

Okay, total recall or... Don't I do Detroit?

Okay, that's it. I want you kids brushing in bed in five or I ship you

taxi. Mom, chill out.

Move.

What?

Outfit number three.

Oh, pretty.

Can I see?

Marie. Okay.

I just don't get it.

What's not to get?

She lives in a decadent, tawdry world.

I've been watching this kind of thing years and years.

I pay a price watching.

What exactly are we watching, Bernie?

This guy opens the drapes. I'll take a picture for you.

Maybe he appreciates a beautiful woman. Maybe she likes him for that.

That's an adorable theory.

We can't know for sure what's going on over there.

No?

You see what you want to see.

You think I want to see that?

I don't know, Bernie.

After all the years you put in, maybe you just got jaded.

Maybe.

This I find very exciting.

Jack, we gotta talk.

You don't find this exciting? I don't like secrets.

Brenda, Brenda. Brenda, Brenda, what?

My wife's not ready.

Well, I am.

And I gotta tell Ralph I'm leaving him because he senses something.

You never know what he might try to pull.

He scares me to death.

Come on, Jack.

Comfort the girl.

This may be the only damn evidence we get all night.

Innocent till proven guilty, Bertie. Both of them paid the rent.

Ray's got the binoculars, Mom.

Ray?

I saw this guy with the gun.

What? It was in his holster.

He's looking out that window.

So he's not now.

What, do you think I'm crazy?

Come on, Ray. Back in bed.

Under the carpet.

Everybody's seeing things. I saw him. It's a funny night.

Your eyes are playing tricks.

Let's go to sleep.

Sally, why don't you get some shut -eye?

No.

Take the shift. I'll stay objective.

Just stay awake.

Get some fresh air.

Don't let them out of your sights.

Bernie, come on, come on.

Game's up, Brenda.

I love you, Mike. I love you, too.

Room service.

Hold on.

I'm coming.

Okay, I'll just wait here then.

Excuse me. Hi.

I'm Mrs. Milstein. I'm in room 1501, and I've just done the dumbest thing. I'm

such a klutz. I came out to get a drink, and the doors are on springs, you know,

and it just sprung shut, so I was wondering if maybe you could let me back

my room.

Sally. Are you kidding me?

Oh, God, no.

Down, down, down.

You're gonna kill me.

Get out of here, you idiot!

Get out of here!

Oh, now what? What's this?

What are you... Sally, get out of there! Ray's right, this guy's got a gun!

Was I right?

Go! Go!

Go! Go!

What'd we miss?

Nothing.

Where's Mom?

She's exploring the hotel, and since she's not here, you take your orders

me. You get under the covers, you go to sleep, and you don't look out the

window!

Jeez, Bernie.

No, what are you doing here? What is he doing here?

He almost gave me a heart attack.

I can't get a break. What are you taking dirty pictures? You sure must be

slipping. Who are you working for?

Same guy you are.

Ralph Vittorio hired you?

No, Jack Milstein's wife.

I can't believe you bought that when Vittorio's a dress designer.

Milstein's main competition.

Oh, come on, you guys.

Let's go before Jack and his girlfriend come back.

She's not his girlfriend. She's a thief. She's been stealing Vittorio's designs

and slipping them the millstone.

Come on, Norm. Tell us something we don't know. We don't know that.

Mr. I've -seen -it -all is on the case. Are you still looking for dead pets,

Bernie? It's a lame rat, and we found it. You look like hell. You haven't been

sleeping lately?

I'm doing fine. It's all the steady work I've been getting. Hey, you got that

paper route, huh? Can't you two guys bury this old hatchet once and for all?

Let's go.

Nice to see you, Norm. Likewise.

My camera, Bernie!

Gee.

Man, am I glad I dumped you. Amateur Nike and Dixie.

Bernie, my film!

Jack was having secret meetings with Brenda. I knew immediately it wasn't an

affair. Because her design contract with Vittorio was exclusive.

Not to mention cheap. I thought it would be easy to convince her to come to work

for us. That's when I first had suspicions, but I knew we definitely had

prove it.

I'm so relieved you did. You know, if I had seen you photographed before your

explanation, he would have needed a seamstress to close his wounds.

Jack, you should have just told me.

Just told you? Straight up?

Yeah. I think that he was worried about how you'd react to his bringing in a new

designer.

Exactly. Perfect. Thank you. But you trusted your wife's ability to accept

change. Thank you.

Yes, she's absolutely right.

I'm glad you two saw this thing through together.

Seems like you have a good relationship.

Yes, we do.

Yeah, we do.

Yes, you definitely do.

Jack. Bernie. Gloria.

Thank you. You know, if you ever need a recommendation, you can count on the

Milsteins. You are one fine detective. Thanks a lot.

And you.

Thank you.

Listen, if this detective stuff doesn't work out, you'd make a hell of a

marriage counselor.

Go on.

Good luck.

Bye, folks.

Oh, how did we do?

Ernie, come on. Hey, I know I went too far in the hotel, but... Yeah.

It worked out.

But you heard what the lady said. You make a hell of a marriage counselor.

Detective.

So, give me my cottage marriage counselor.

What, you can't trust me? I can't... Cash

it, quick.