Original subtitles

Hey, Mom!

It's starting!

Big deal.

Roger?

Dirk?

Everything was fine. Just relax.

Alana? This is the insurance agent I was telling you about.

Roger Case.

Pleased to meet you, Alana.

Yes, I'm sure.

And what are we buying today, hon?

Insurance.

Accident insurance.

Now, Roger here thought we might be a little underinsured.

Consider it.

Well, I'll leave you boys to figure it out for yourself.

I'm done for the day.

Wouldn't you, uh...

Like to look at the policy?

What a great way to spend an afternoon.

I'll pass.

Then all we need is the signature.

Right.

Hey, Bernie, how are you? Hi, Bernie, what's up?

My eggs, I hope.

Mom, what is this? I know, I know. So does he have a job for you? If he needs

me, he'll call me.

Oh, come on, Mom. I already told my friends you're a P .I. now.

Really? What about the oath? The oath of secrecy? Yeah, come on, ask him.

Or are you too chicken to ask him? Yeah, that's it.

I, uh, called about the license, did I tell you?

What license?

Can I have some sugar?

What's the case?

The investigator's license. You know, the P .I. license.

They're not easy to get.

So, I hate this stuff.

Can I get some hot sauce?

Well, did you get a case?

Get off my case.

Bernie!

Man, am I glad to see you.

Ned ain't coming off in black. Bernie, don't say nothing. Just listen.

I know there's a lot of bad blood between us, but just shut up for a

listen, will you?

I got a little problem at the home office, and I need a guy who knows his

around the block.

I wouldn't spit on you in a drought.

I already asked Books.

Who'd you go to Books for?

He won't help me out.

He says he can't do it on account of his relationship with you.

Books is loyal.

He's hip to the concept.

Hey, aren't you the ex -partner?

Right. Sally.

Norm Mulvaney.

Did you find your dog?

Dog?

It's good to see you again, Norm.

And I'm glad to hear you two have settled your differences.

And the dog came back.

Thanks.

So, I think we have a crooked insurance agent at the home office.

We think he's been making deals with clients and splitting the payoffs. Now,

can't check him out because he knows me.

So I...

I want to know if you want the subcontract. Just check out a couple of

clients and let me know if everything's kosher. You too busy with this check and

scratch? Forget it. Sugar?

Bernie.

I am sorry for the way I handled the breakup of our partnership. Whoa! Shut

the jukebox!

Everybody out!

You're what?

I'm sorry, Bernie.

Let's see the paper. Then we'll talk.

I owe you.

My things are going up.

If you vouch for me, I could get a restricted investigator's license.

I just dumped one partner. If you're going to work on this case, it's for the

usual rate.

So, when do we get to see paper?

It's a pleasure to meet you, Sally.

And likewise you, Butch. I'm sure glad to see you found somebody to replace old

Mulvaney.

Before I forget, I got you some ink. All right, man.

Yes, the Reebok.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Late 1800s? Yeah.

I picked it up when I was doing some estate work for this elderly stud.

You collect old ink? Uh -huh.

I examine documents by comparison of materials.

The composition of inks and papers is very particular.

Books is the guy they got to bust the bogus Picasso diaries.

Really? Yeah. So anyway, this guy's got a fistful of insurance policies, but the

biggest one is a $2 million policy on his wife.

So just check out her signature.

First impression, Dick.

Whoever signed this is a very paranoid individual.

But I need a verified sample of the wife's handwriting for comparison.

To be certain, this isn't forgery. I'm going to try and get that today.

So, what's the plan?

I thought that some kind of petition thing might work. What do you think?

Depends on the neighborhood.

Wealthy. Trees.

Save the block.

Uh, hello?

Excuse me.

I was wondering if you'd like to sign a petition?

If we want to save the trees from the widening of the street, we have to have

signature from everyone on the block.

Oh, yes, I'll sign.

And should I sign for my husband, too?

Uh, yeah, that's a good idea.

Do you, um, happen to know when Mrs. Fontaine will be back?

I haven't seen her for a day or so.

Maybe she's gone boating. Oh.

Yes. I think she told me that she was going boating.

Gee, we need a signature from every house. Do you know if Mr. Fontaine is

Well, I saw his car pull in early this morning.

I was up chasing the snails.

They're real pests, aren't they? Oh, no, they're quite delicious.

You see, I have a colony.

Right over there.

They're rather slimy, but very tasty.

Thank you.

Thank you.

How's that?

Remind me not to let you tie up.

Look, are you sure she'll sink? She's not going to float.

She'll go straight to the bottom, guaranteed. The extra weight will take

down.

I've never been involved in anything like this before.

It's just the old lady next door.

What, she's not going to be a problem?

We need her.

She's our only witness to the land that went on the boat.

All right, easy does it. Here we go.

Okay, it's clear.

Help me clean up the mess in the basement.

Give me a break.

About 2 % cottage cheese?

It's the best that I could do.

Look, I'm telling you, I heard them talk about dumping her off of the boat, and

then I saw them stuff her in the trunk of a car.

If you don't believe me, maybe the police will.

Spare me nothing. You're hysterical.

Nothing, right?

Same handwriting.

She signed the policy herself.

Willingly?

Apparently.

But there's definitely a paranoid person here.

Maybe she suspected they were going to kill her.

Thanks.

Anytime. Excuse me. Customer's waiting.

If we just go down to the boat lift, check to see if the boat's there and the

wife's alive, then I'll be satisfied.

We? You.

You go.

You are on the case?

If this is a murder thing, then he's sure going to look like a fool

for not breaking it himself.

I mean, you'd get the credit.

Shame on you.

However, if it is a murder and you ignore it, it could be embarrassing for

agency.

You have a dark side, you know that?

Yeah, well, so does murder.

Okay,

there's the boat. That's my point.

What is your point? You said that they would be dumping her off of it. Point

the boat's here because she's not out on it. She's not because she's dead.

Or shopping.

Hey, hey. Hey, what are you... Listen. This is illegal.

This is how investigators lose their license.

I don't have a license. Remember?

Are you going to stand there looking obvious or what? Come on.

Okay, let's go. No body, right?

I'm telling you, I saw the body wrapped in canvas and they put it in the trunk

of Fontaine's car.

This is really very claustrophobic.

Look at this. You see? The spot they've marked? This is the deepest part of the

channel.

I think you should watch out. Think without a trace. Never to be seen again.

I promise this time.

This is beautiful.

Careful, they can hear us. Wait till I scream for help.

Now you believe me? I believe you're trying to get me killed.

Where'd you put the charts?

They're in the front cabin.

A watering ray.

I hate the sound of that.

Okay.

Are you okay?

Oh, fine.

Trapped in a floating coffin, I'm laughing.

No, you look a little... green.

It's just the light reflections from the water.

It's called mal de mer.

Bernie, we can't let them dump the body, because if we do, there's no evidence,

right? They'll probably come in from the ceiling.

It's called a deck.

No, 52 cards is a deck.

You guard the... Door?

Look, there's no reason to get upset here. No panic.

They don't even know we're aboard.

Not yet.

Not yet, they don't, but they will. They'll probably feel the extra weight

something.

Don't you get serious?

I think the best thing to do is to catch them just as we're coming out of the

harbor.

If we come up behind them, they'll be heading west.

The glare of the sun, that'll be in their eyes, so that'll help us.

And then you just say to them, I'm armed, and we'll call the Coast Guard.

Bernie.

I'm not armed.

Where is your gun?

Where I keep it when I don't need it.

When you don't believe you need it.

Great.

Maybe this is the way out of here.

Feeling okay?

Oh, perfect. That's much better.

Where are they?

Shh. Listen, I gotta tell you, I am just a little nervous about this whole

thing. I've never done anything like this before. Look, I don't go around...

It's been easy so far, right?

Easy so far? These are some sweet guys.

I know, I know.

Make sure everything's tight in the engine room.

Okay.

Right.

I gotta figure out some way to stop the boat before they get out too far. Good.

How?

Short -circuit the electrical system.

You know a lot about boats. Where'd you learn about boats?

My husband and I used to operate our own fishing boat.

No kidding.

Sir, this door is locked.

Can't be locked. How is he locked in the inside?

What do we have for her in there? The axe.

Well, we've got to chop her up a little.

And if she's found and brought up, then it'll look like she's been chopped up.

Just take it easy. We don't want to blow it now.

I'm calling 22.

There she is. We're ready.

I'm calling 22.

What about the axe? She'll go down in one piece.

Don't worry.

She's waiting for us.

Yeah, well, she better be.

Who's that on the telephone?

I don't know.

Keep your shirt on, Alana. We're just about to point. Ready to cut her into

That's Alana on the radio.

Radio.

She's alive.

She'll sink straight to the bottom. She isn't, Alana. She is the boat.

They're sinking the boat.

Well, then what is that in the camper?

Get the dinghy ready. I'll fill the exhaust.

We've still got a couple of minutes before she explodes, right?

Yeah.

With those engines running and the exhaust fans off, the engine room turns

a bomb.

Oh, no evidence.

They've got a rubber raft.

All right, help me with this thing. Okay, let's go.

Not a soul for miles.

Are you sure Atlanta's going to pick us up on time?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got to get this thing burning.

How much time we got left?

Exactly one minute. Perfect. Hold this thing for me, will you?

We're fish food if we don't get out of here.

Relax.

All I've got to do is turn the exhaust vent back on.

I'm rowing.

She's going to blow any second.

See how smooth this goes.

Now let's go over our school.

We're okay. That's it.

That's it?

Yeah.

I'll get the police out here.

Hey, fellas!

Don't go far, fellas.

Oscar IV calling Harper Police.

You idiot.

Hang on, Bertie.

Just get this thing back to Doc. I'm cool.

Okay.

Bertie?

Is Harper Police calling Oscar IV?

Oscar, this is Harper Police. Copy?

Uh, yeah.

We have a man overboard and a couple of pilots out here. Are you busy?

Mm -hmm.

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