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1
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:22,550
You know, Peg, it's kind of nice
sitting here like this with you.
2
00:01:23,384 --> 00:01:26,220
How many beers did you have tonight, Al?
3
00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:29,290
Ten.
4
00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:35,129
So I guess we're about a six-pack
short of sex, huh?
5
00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,698
At least.
6
00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:49,176
Do I have juicy gossip.
7
00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:51,512
It's about cousin Jimmy.
8
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:56,283
Did he find out our little Bud slept
with his bride on their wedding day?
9
00:01:56,450 --> 00:02:00,321
He must have. I heard he's getting
a divorce and coming to see Bud today.
10
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:03,824
I think he's gonna squish
the little love critter.
11
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:15,035
Well, here's the footstool of love now.
12
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:19,106
Family, this is my lucky day.
13
00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:22,877
I was at school and there was one
of the great parties in all of history.
14
00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:26,013
A wet T-shirt contest.
15
00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:28,883
Large-hootered Midwestern
farm girls were sliding down...
16
00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:31,719
...This beer chute half-naked.
17
00:02:31,886 --> 00:02:36,223
There was dancing. There was loving.
My first big frat party.
18
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:39,326
Just a great bunch of guys having
the time of their lives.
19
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,695
And it took them a full 15 minutes to see me...
20
00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:45,099
...Peeking in the window and kick me out.
21
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:47,034
Dad, you should have seen them.
22
00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:50,404
There were big uns.
There were little 'uns.
23
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,475
Round uns.
24
00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:57,244
Pear-shaped uns.
25
00:02:57,411 --> 00:03:01,849
Here an un, there an 'un,
everywhere an 'un-'un.
26
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:07,821
Sure, like I'm the only Peeping Tom
in this family.
27
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:12,293
Well, I guess you deserve to know,
tiny dancer.
28
00:03:12,459 --> 00:03:15,329
Cousin Jimmy is on his way over
to have a little chat with you.
29
00:03:15,930 --> 00:03:18,165
Wha--? What do you think he wants?
30
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:21,068
Your bu-- Butt in a sling.
31
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:29,310
Oh, my God, that must be Jimmy.
You better run.
32
00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:36,750
- Hi, Jimmy.
- Hi, cousin Bud.
33
00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:40,187
Hi, cousin Kelly. Hi, Uncle Al.
Aunt Peggy.
34
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:42,523
Hello, cousin Buck.
35
00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:45,659
It's too bad we only get together
at weddings and funerals.
36
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:48,062
Step outside, Bud.
37
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:51,799
Oh, all right, I'll handle this.
38
00:03:51,966 --> 00:03:54,034
Come on in, Jimmy.
39
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:57,504
We heard the news. Congratulations.
40
00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:00,641
Anybody can eat 100 Whoppers.
41
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:04,345
No, I'm talking about the breakup.
42
00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:08,015
Let's face it. You had the honeymoon,
that's the best part of the marriage.
43
00:04:08,182 --> 00:04:10,351
If it goes any longer, they turn into this:
44
00:04:13,187 --> 00:04:15,489
Then, if you're really unlucky,
you get these:
45
00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:20,594
Then you turn into this:
46
00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:24,999
Yeah, but she was the perfect woman.
47
00:04:25,165 --> 00:04:29,536
She was beautiful. She was rich.
And her parents are dead.
48
00:04:29,737 --> 00:04:31,972
Boy, you must really wanna kill that guy.
49
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:34,742
Kill him? I want to rend him.
50
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:37,978
I want to rip off his arms,
shove one of them down his throat...
51
00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:40,314
...And have him tear out his own heart.
52
00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:44,585
Anyway, Bud,
I need to talk to you. Bud?
53
00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:51,558
You crack me up.
Now get outside.
54
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,095
I'll be right with you.
55
00:04:56,563 --> 00:05:00,901
Dad, I don't want him to pull
my arms off and rip out my heart.
56
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:05,039
All I did was sleep with his wife.
What does he want from me?
57
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:08,142
Now, Bud, just relax.
I know how to handle this.
58
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,978
I met a lot of big, stupid bullies
when I was growing up.
59
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:15,849
Al, when you were growing up,
you were the big, stupid bully.
60
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:18,385
Yeah, I was.
61
00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:21,488
I was good at it too.
But I wasn't just big and stupid.
62
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,557
I was also mean.
63
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:28,162
I used to scare people
like your mother scares me.
64
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:31,899
Dad, can you ox around later?
I'm facing death over here.
65
00:05:32,066 --> 00:05:35,469
All right, all right.
Now, here's what you do.
66
00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:37,504
As soon as he opens his mouth...
67
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:40,774
...You punch him in the breadbasket
with everything you got.
68
00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:44,178
He'll drop faster than a stock
after I buy it.
69
00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:49,283
- Thanks, Dad.
- All right, now go get him. Go get him.
70
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,429
Peg, looks like there will just be
three of us for dinner.
71
00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:07,835
Bud, I've got a dilemma.
72
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:10,471
This thing's really eating me up.
73
00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:20,781
I gotta kill the guy that did this to me.
74
00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:26,653
If only I knew who he was.
75
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,922
So you don't know?
76
00:06:32,126 --> 00:06:34,628
All I know is that it's someone
on this block.
77
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:39,166
I need your help. Find him for me.
It'll be just like when we were kids...
78
00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:41,635
...And someone was mad at you
and I'd beat him up.
79
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:44,705
When he was unconscious
you'd come along and kick him.
80
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:48,509
We were a great team then.
Can I count on you?
81
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:51,245
- She really didn't tell you anything?
- No.
82
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:55,115
I mean, not even that this guy was
the best she ever had?
83
00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:56,583
That he was good?
84
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:59,987
Or at least even better than
a really tight pair of pants?
85
00:07:00,154 --> 00:07:03,090
No, she said it really
wasn't worth mentioning.
86
00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:07,861
That bitch.
87
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:14,601
You're really mad, aren't you, Bud?
88
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,570
That touches me.
89
00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:20,908
You let me know when you find
this guy, because I want him bad.
90
00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:27,781
Me too.
91
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:43,230
Jimmy doesn't have a clue.
92
00:07:43,397 --> 00:07:45,199
He doesn't even know it was me.
93
00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:47,768
And the greatest thing is,
he's never gonna find out.
94
00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:49,403
I mean, who's gonna tell him?
95
00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:52,339
- Not me.
- Not me.
96
00:07:58,212 --> 00:08:02,816
Now, remember, Bud, that's 100 strokes.
97
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:06,253
Right, Kel.
98
00:08:06,420 --> 00:08:09,823
Eight, nine...
99
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:15,062
...16, 44...
100
00:08:15,229 --> 00:08:17,831
...99, 100.
101
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,533
Okay.
102
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:25,572
It's a good thing you didn't cheat,
because I was counting along with you.
103
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:30,811
You're a good slave and a damn fine eunuch.
104
00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:33,046
You're not gonna tell Jimmy, right?
105
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:36,650
Not as long as my little leprechaun
keeps granting my wishes.
106
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:40,254
Now, don't forget to pick up my cleaning...
107
00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:42,089
...Hang up my pantyhose...
108
00:08:42,256 --> 00:08:45,792
Oh, and try not to get tangled up
in them this time.
109
00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:50,931
Hey, you do good work.
It's hard to believe you're straight.
110
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,670
Very hard.
111
00:08:59,273 --> 00:09:02,542
Thanks for letting me use
your flea brush, Buck boy.
112
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:06,980
No problem. I've been using
your toothbrush for years.
113
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:16,857
Son, are we alone?
114
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:18,525
- Yeah, Dad.
- Good.
115
00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:21,161
Then you're the only one
I have to get rid of.
116
00:09:23,497 --> 00:09:25,933
Dad, I need to talk to you.
117
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:30,003
Why is it always me? Get a friend.
118
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:36,009
Dad, cousin Jimmy's going crazy.
He says if I don't find out who it is...
119
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,946
...He's gonna go up and down the block
and beat everyone up.
120
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:42,749
I put the whole block in danger.
Am I doing the wrong thing by lying?
121
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,085
Don't ever say that, son.
122
00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:49,990
The Bundy proud name was built
on a philosophy of lying.
123
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,426
Well, lying and owing money.
124
00:09:52,859 --> 00:09:56,830
And perhaps beer.
Yes, lying, owing money, and beer.
125
00:09:56,997 --> 00:10:00,200
Only thing that separates us from
the Kennedys is they have the money.
126
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:06,974
Son, always remember the Bundy credo:
127
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:09,543
Lie when your wife is waking
128
00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:12,746
Lie when your belly's aching
129
00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:15,615
Lie when you know she's faking
130
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:20,854
Lie, sell shoes, and lie.
131
00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:24,324
- So that really is our family credo?
- No.
132
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:26,860
No, actually the family credo is:
133
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:29,896
Hooters, hooters
Yum, yum, yum
134
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:34,701
Hooters, hooters
On a girl that's dumb
135
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:42,909
But the father in me felt you needed
a wholesome message at this time.
136
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:45,679
So lie to anyone you want
as long as nobody gets hurt.
137
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:47,981
Dad, I'm afraid somebody will.
138
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,984
Well, then someone in the family
doesn't get hurt, that's all.
139
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,754
- Cousin Jimmy is family.
- Well, then the immediate fam--
140
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,690
See? This is why I don't like talking to you.
141
00:10:58,592 --> 00:11:01,595
So do anything you want with anyone you want...
142
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:05,165
...Just as long as you don't wear a dress.
143
00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:18,211
Your cousin Jimmy beat me up.
144
00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:21,915
And he tore my little horsy.
145
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,951
He thinks I slept with his wife.
146
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:28,021
Well, let him sleep with yours.
That ought to be the end of him.
147
00:11:29,956 --> 00:11:32,626
Look, he's your relative.
Do you know anything about it?
148
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:36,897
Son, the Bundy credo.
149
00:11:38,532 --> 00:11:41,168
Hooters, hooters
Yum, yum, yum
150
00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:44,371
Hooters, hooters
On a girl that's dumb
151
00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:47,841
No, no.
152
00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:51,978
See, the boy means that
we don't know anything.
153
00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:55,415
It was the other credo, you idiot.
154
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:02,656
Are you okay, Mr. D'Arcy?
155
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:09,196
Never underestimate me.
I can handle myself. I'm an athlete.
156
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:11,698
I run a lot, you know, to stay in shape.
157
00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:15,402
So after he hit me a couple times,
I took off.
158
00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:19,406
He chased me, but I was too much man for him.
159
00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:21,074
Left him in the dust.
160
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:24,845
The last time I saw him,
he was puffing and panting.
161
00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:30,050
Yeah, you pay when you go up
against Jefferson D'Arcy.
162
00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:33,053
What made him think you were the guilty one?
163
00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:35,021
He said he was looking on the block...
164
00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:38,625
...For a great-looking guy
women find irresistible.
165
00:12:41,495 --> 00:12:43,697
Sometimes I wish
I looked like you two.
166
00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,668
No, that's not true.
167
00:12:51,505 --> 00:12:54,174
You slut.
168
00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:01,181
Tramp. Hussy. Libertine.
169
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,483
I heard the whole story from that young man.
170
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:07,053
How dare you do the good and plenty
with another woman.
171
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:12,692
And this is not the last thing
you're gonna lose.
172
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,530
Look, I'm innocent.
Marcie, think rationally.
173
00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:21,001
If I wanted a young, pretty, sexy girl,
I never would've married you.
174
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,771
Yeah, why go out for a succulent steak...
175
00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:27,674
...When you got a dried-up strip
of beef jerky at home?
176
00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:30,410
Marcie. Marcie.
177
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:39,886
I just had a couch-off
with Marilyn Strabits down the street.
178
00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:44,758
She was telling everyone that
she could out-sit me on the couch.
179
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:46,660
But after about 20 hours...
180
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:51,498
...She started cramping and crying
about wasting her life.
181
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,066
Punk.
182
00:13:56,303 --> 00:13:58,405
Peggy, Jefferson cheated on me.
183
00:13:58,572 --> 00:14:02,309
Well, when you age and lose
your beauty, men cheat.
184
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:04,911
It's not your looks that keeps me here, Peg.
185
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:06,680
It's mine.
186
00:14:08,782 --> 00:14:11,518
I don't think I can get anybody.
187
00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:13,687
Oh, I know I was asking for trouble...
188
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,989
...When I married such a good-looking man.
189
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:19,326
I mean, what do I have
to keep a man like that?
190
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:26,633
This is where you, as my friend,
are supposed to jump in...
191
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:30,904
...And say that I'm pretty and sassy
and spunky, and yes, sexy...
192
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:34,774
...In that late-70s, New York,
androgynous-band way.
193
00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:41,548
Can't you at least say that I have
a pleasing personality?
194
00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:44,217
You'd give that to any fat woman.
195
00:14:44,951 --> 00:14:48,655
You have a very nice personality, Marcie.
196
00:14:48,822 --> 00:14:51,224
You bet your sweet ass.
197
00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:54,527
But I know Jefferson cheated on me
with that girl.
198
00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:55,929
It had to be him.
199
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:57,731
The only males around at the time...
200
00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:00,834
...Were Jefferson, Bud and old man McGinty.
201
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:04,404
The old man can barely walk or go
to the bathroom by himself, but still...
202
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:08,241
...There's not a woman on the block
who wouldn't take him over Bud.
203
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:12,212
Hey, you wanna keep it down over there?
204
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:14,914
How far away do you think I am?
205
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,984
Peggy, what would you do
if Al cheated on you?
206
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:20,053
Oh, that would never happen.
207
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:23,290
He's like a big old faithful hound dog.
208
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:27,060
Nobody wants him
and he's not good for anything.
209
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:29,396
But I've had him since he was a puppy...
210
00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:32,465
...And he has his cute little ways.
211
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,684
Excuse me, Marcie, I have to go.
212
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,922
Hey, now, what do you want?
213
00:15:56,089 --> 00:16:00,293
You. You true-blue little pooh bear.
214
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,396
Take me. Take me in the rubble
that is our bed.
215
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:05,465
Well, I didn't do noth--
216
00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:17,944
Well, mister, I'll tell you this:
217
00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:22,048
You're not gonna be getting into
these pants ever again.
218
00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:23,550
And I mean that literally.
219
00:16:23,717 --> 00:16:26,720
I'm telling you, I'm not gonna let you
wear these pants.
220
00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:32,859
Well, obviously, you two people have
a beautiful, healthy marriage.
221
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:36,262
But I can't be responsible
for breaking it up.
222
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,865
This man didn't cheat on you.
223
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:41,935
I'm the stud. The stallion.
224
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:44,304
The king of them all, y'all.
225
00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:51,411
I, Bud Bundy, am the irresistible one
who broke up my cousin's marriage.
226
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:02,522
Ring, ring. Hello, Mr. Bud?
227
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:05,959
Yes, I do believe it's time
for my hair appointment.
228
00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:12,265
I got dweeb goo in my hair.
229
00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:14,134
I'm telling Jimmy.
230
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,936
Save your breath, Hungry-Man dinner.
231
00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:22,175
You have no hold over me anymore.
232
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:25,578
I've decided to tell Jimmy the truth
and take what comes.
233
00:17:25,779 --> 00:17:27,747
Oh, good, then I win twice.
234
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:31,251
You were my slave and now
you're gonna be dead. Yay me.
235
00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:35,288
But, you know, this has been
very educational for me.
236
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:38,925
I always thought if you had sex,
it would be the girl who died.
237
00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:43,563
I'll be right back, Peg.
238
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:47,700
I must speak to the boy about his sin.
239
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:52,572
Bud, I must speak to you
about the Bundy philosophy.
240
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:55,108
You must always tell the truth.
241
00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:58,745
Dad, I thought you said
the Bundy philosophy was to lie.
242
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:03,616
It is, son.
I'm lying to your mother right now.
243
00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:07,754
I have to get ready to go bowling.
244
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:11,724
So every time I point at you,
say, "Yes, Dad."
245
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:16,596
And so I feel that:
246
00:18:18,031 --> 00:18:19,532
Yes, Dad.
247
00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:23,336
Yes, Dad.
248
00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:27,373
Dad, I think what I did was wrong.
249
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:32,212
Good point, Dad.
250
00:18:32,378 --> 00:18:34,314
Don't ad-lib, son.
251
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,550
Yes, Dad. Dad...
252
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:39,619
...I really don't feel good about myself.
253
00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:48,561
Dad, I will never take something again
that's not mine.
254
00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:52,131
I swear this to you and the heavens
above. I'll never do it again.
255
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:56,069
Son...
256
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,404
...I see you're hurting...
257
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:01,975
...So I wanna say this to you
and I wanna say it sincerely:
258
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,177
Blah, blah, son.
259
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,688
We are not finished yet.
260
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:18,157
At least, I'm not.
261
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:29,335
Jimmy. I'm glad you're here.
262
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,004
I have something to tell you.
263
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,007
God, you're big.
264
00:19:34,908 --> 00:19:37,477
I know who slept with your fiancée.
265
00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:39,679
- It was--
- Who cares?
266
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:42,682
The past is just a frown turned upside down.
267
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:45,051
One must move on.
268
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:47,153
I have found my one true love.
269
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:50,290
Bud, meet Diana.
270
00:19:53,126 --> 00:19:54,460
Dee Anna.
271
00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:56,229
Whatever.
272
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:57,830
Isn't she great?
273
00:19:57,997 --> 00:20:01,634
I don't know. I don't care.
I don't even look at girls. I don't know.
274
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:05,705
Honey, I need to talk to Bud alone
for just one second.
275
00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:08,775
Bud, even though I just met her...
276
00:20:08,942 --> 00:20:11,311
...I'm gonna go out and get her
an engagement ring.
277
00:20:11,477 --> 00:20:13,913
I don't know if I'm just in love
with being in love...
278
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:17,317
...Or if it's that I'm so stupid,
I refuse to learn from my mistakes.
279
00:20:17,483 --> 00:20:20,820
Well, maybe you're just in love
with being stupid.
280
00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:24,490
Yet a third possibility.
281
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,326
Listen, I gotta go...
282
00:20:26,492 --> 00:20:29,896
...But I'm gonna leave her here
with you, where she's safe.
283
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:32,031
Because I can trust you.
284
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:36,269
You're my best cousin, you're my best friend...
285
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:38,104
...And you're gonna be my best man.
286
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:43,576
Hey, you're getting pretty big.
287
00:20:45,178 --> 00:20:48,381
Pretty soon, I'm not gonna be able
to do this anymore.
288
00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:04,797
How come you aren't looking at me?
289
00:21:04,998 --> 00:21:07,333
Don't you like me?
290
00:21:08,201 --> 00:21:10,870
No, you're a girl. Yuck.
291
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:17,377
I find your indifference intoxicating.
292
00:21:17,543 --> 00:21:19,612
Look at me.
293
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,381
No.
294
00:21:21,914 --> 00:21:23,983
This is thrilling.
295
00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:28,287
Take me. Take me now.
296
00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:35,728
You're my best cousin...
297
00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:39,332
...My best friend and my best man.
298
00:21:53,746 --> 00:21:55,248
Dad's right.
299
00:21:55,415 --> 00:21:59,152
If she'll flirt with me,
she'll flirt with anyone.
300
00:21:59,919 --> 00:22:02,288
She'll just hurt cousin Jimmy.
301
00:22:02,555 --> 00:22:05,024
I know what I have to do.
302
00:22:07,393 --> 00:22:10,663
You're not good enough for my cousin Jimmy...
303
00:22:11,030 --> 00:22:13,533
...But you're just perfect for me.
304
00:22:16,202 --> 00:22:19,338
Strike.
23981
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