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1
00:01:18,965 --> 00:01:22,743
Kids! Tell your father it's time for work.
2
00:01:22,827 --> 00:01:25,502
And hurry, we don't want him to be late.
3
00:01:34,965 --> 00:01:36,329
Come on.
4
00:01:36,413 --> 00:01:38,605
Peg.
5
00:01:38,689 --> 00:01:42,344
I can't go to work,
I've got the chickenpox.
6
00:01:44,103 --> 00:01:46,295
Aah, don't do that!
It hurts!
7
00:01:46,379 --> 00:01:49,295
Al, it's just iodine.
8
00:01:49,379 --> 00:01:52,000
Now, you tried that trick on our wedding day.
9
00:01:53,827 --> 00:01:56,157
Besides, you think if you
really had the chickenpox
10
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:59,053
we'd let you in the house?
11
00:01:59,137 --> 00:02:00,984
Now, go to work.
12
00:02:01,068 --> 00:02:02,812
Kids, encourage your father.
13
00:02:02,896 --> 00:02:05,640
We love you.
14
00:02:05,724 --> 00:02:07,275
Have a good day,
Dad.
15
00:02:08,206 --> 00:02:09,502
Good.
16
00:02:09,586 --> 00:02:12,896
Now, here's the lunch and the garbage.
17
00:02:15,172 --> 00:02:19,398
Gee, Peg, I can't believe
you actually made my lunch.
18
00:02:19,482 --> 00:02:22,896
Well, I just took the garbage and
separated it into two bags.
19
00:02:24,896 --> 00:02:27,310
Give 'em shoe hell,
Harry.
20
00:02:28,551 --> 00:02:30,157
I'm going.
21
00:02:30,241 --> 00:02:32,275
Going to work.
I'm gonna miss you, honey.
22
00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:46,034
AL: Holy moly!
Yikes and gadzooks!
23
00:02:46,862 --> 00:02:48,191
Peg!
24
00:02:48,275 --> 00:02:49,950
Peg, it's gone.
25
00:02:50,034 --> 00:02:52,467
Somebody stole my car.
26
00:02:52,551 --> 00:02:54,916
Don't be ridiculous, Al.
27
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,398
Who would steal the Dodge?
28
00:02:58,482 --> 00:03:01,689
That would be like someone
stealing my engagement ring.
29
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,517
Or one of
Kelly's ideas.
30
00:03:08,448 --> 00:03:09,482
Or Bud.
31
00:03:11,896 --> 00:03:13,398
Flip a burger. Flood a bed.
32
00:03:13,482 --> 00:03:15,191
AL:
Hey! How--
33
00:03:15,275 --> 00:03:17,019
I can't believe it.
34
00:03:17,103 --> 00:03:19,433
I lost my Dodge.
It's really, really gone.
35
00:03:19,517 --> 00:03:20,916
And it figures.
36
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,605
Three weeks to the day
I wash the damn thing,
37
00:03:22,689 --> 00:03:23,916
it gets stolen.
38
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,200
Somebody call the police.
39
00:03:25,241 --> 00:03:26,467
What for?
40
00:03:26,551 --> 00:03:28,151
The call costs more than the car.
41
00:03:30,793 --> 00:03:32,295
Yes, and it costs more than the condom
42
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,629
I should've used
the night you were conceived.
43
00:03:42,827 --> 00:03:46,743
Yes, 911.
Yes, this is an emergency.
44
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:48,000
Put me on hold.
45
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,433
♪ Dum de-dum de-dum
De-dum de-dum ♪
46
00:03:51,517 --> 00:03:55,571
♪ Dum de-dum-dum
Dum dum dum dum dum ♪
47
00:03:55,655 --> 00:03:58,157
♪ Dum dum dum dum
Dum dum dum dum dum... ♪
48
00:04:02,655 --> 00:04:05,916
Yes, yes, yes, officer.
Yes, I'm still here.
49
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,103
Yes, I'll wait.
50
00:04:08,413 --> 00:04:09,847
♪ Dum dum dum dum
51
00:04:09,931 --> 00:04:12,122
♪ Duh dum-dum duh-dum
Duh-duh-dum dah-dum ♪
52
00:04:12,206 --> 00:04:14,467
♪ Dah dum-dum duh
Dah dum-dum dah-dum-- ♪
53
00:04:14,551 --> 00:04:15,984
Oh, yes,
I'm still here.
54
00:04:16,068 --> 00:04:17,984
Yes, I want some of your
best men on this job.
55
00:04:18,068 --> 00:04:21,019
The crime?
Someone stole my 1974 Dodge.
56
00:04:21,103 --> 00:04:23,000
Hello? Hello?
57
00:04:25,827 --> 00:04:28,191
Bribe-taking, doughnut-sucking,
trigger-happy--
58
00:04:28,275 --> 00:04:29,379
Hello, officer?
59
00:04:31,517 --> 00:04:34,295
Yes, officer.
Yes, I'd like to report a, uh,
60
00:04:34,379 --> 00:04:36,398
kidnapping.
61
00:04:36,482 --> 00:04:39,122
How tall?
Oh, about, uh...
62
00:04:39,206 --> 00:04:40,433
Four feet tall,
63
00:04:40,517 --> 00:04:43,398
five feet wide,
64
00:04:43,482 --> 00:04:46,206
smoke belching out the rear,
weighs about two tons.
65
00:04:47,758 --> 00:04:49,827
No, it's not Oprah.
66
00:04:52,827 --> 00:04:54,226
No, it's not Delta Burke.
67
00:04:54,310 --> 00:04:57,295
Who would call to complain
if she was missing?
68
00:04:57,379 --> 00:04:59,260
No. It's my Dodge.
69
00:04:59,344 --> 00:05:00,260
Hello?
70
00:05:00,344 --> 00:05:01,709
H--
71
00:05:01,793 --> 00:05:04,226
Run six red lights, they're all over you,
72
00:05:04,310 --> 00:05:06,088
but where are they when you really need them?
73
00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:09,122
You know, Dad, this reminds me
of the old saying:
74
00:05:09,206 --> 00:05:11,260
I was sad when I had no Dodge,
75
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:13,482
until I saw the man who had one.
76
00:05:15,655 --> 00:05:19,260
How did you grow up heartless in this house?
77
00:05:19,344 --> 00:05:21,295
I'm gonna miss the old Dodge.
78
00:05:21,379 --> 00:05:23,640
I grew up in it.
I went to school in it.
79
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:25,124
I feel like
I was born in it.
80
00:05:25,206 --> 00:05:29,502
Well, you certainly were conceived in it.
81
00:05:29,586 --> 00:05:31,847
Oh, I remember when you used
to lock me in the old Dodge
82
00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:33,781
cause you couldn't find a babysitter.
83
00:05:33,793 --> 00:05:35,640
Yeah, but, you know, pumpkin
84
00:05:35,724 --> 00:05:37,019
we always left the window open
85
00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:40,157
just a little crack for you, didn't we?
86
00:05:40,241 --> 00:05:43,088
Just like we did with Buck.
87
00:05:43,172 --> 00:05:44,916
Hey, Al, you remember the time
88
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,295
we tried to outrun the cops in the Dodge?
89
00:05:47,379 --> 00:05:48,640
Yeah.
90
00:05:48,724 --> 00:05:50,122
But he eventually caught us, though.
91
00:05:50,206 --> 00:05:52,137
He was pretty fast for a guy on foot.
92
00:05:54,103 --> 00:05:55,640
Oh, but it's not just the car,
93
00:05:55,724 --> 00:05:58,536
it's the precious items that it held.
94
00:05:58,620 --> 00:06:01,088
My eight-track tape player.
95
00:06:01,172 --> 00:06:03,916
The last great
American sound system.
96
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,950
That eight-track is to today's stereos
97
00:06:06,034 --> 00:06:08,275
what a girlfriend is to a wife.
98
00:06:09,896 --> 00:06:12,310
An earlier, better version.
99
00:06:14,517 --> 00:06:16,571
Hey, look what we found in the garbage.
100
00:06:16,655 --> 00:06:19,847
Milly Bell, my eight-track!
101
00:06:19,931 --> 00:06:23,950
We also found your "Born To Be Wild" tape,
102
00:06:24,034 --> 00:06:26,467
Meet The Four Seasons,
103
00:06:26,551 --> 00:06:28,433
Meet The Supremes,
104
00:06:28,517 --> 00:06:32,674
and The Four Seasons
Meet The Supremes.
105
00:06:32,758 --> 00:06:35,329
Well, now we know that
this thief is not only stupid
106
00:06:35,413 --> 00:06:36,709
but has no taste in music.
107
00:06:36,793 --> 00:06:39,502
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
108
00:06:39,586 --> 00:06:42,206
I wonder where Michael Bolton
was this morning.
109
00:06:46,862 --> 00:06:48,709
Well, if they don't arrest him
for his singing,
110
00:06:48,793 --> 00:06:51,122
they won't arrest him for this.
111
00:06:51,206 --> 00:06:53,916
So someone stole your Dodge, eh, Al?
112
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,571
Well, it's your own fault.
113
00:06:55,655 --> 00:06:57,778
You should know better than
to leave it parked out front
114
00:06:57,862 --> 00:06:58,758
on garbage day.
115
00:07:02,275 --> 00:07:06,226
Hey, I bet somebody took it to
start a new limousine service.
116
00:07:06,310 --> 00:07:08,433
You know, for those people
who can't quite afford
117
00:07:08,517 --> 00:07:11,674
the luxury of Greyhound.
118
00:07:11,758 --> 00:07:15,295
O-or to use as a pace car
for the Garbage Man 500.
119
00:07:17,517 --> 00:07:20,053
You know, Marcy, how can you be so unfeeling?
120
00:07:20,137 --> 00:07:21,674
Didn't you ever get up in the morning
121
00:07:21,758 --> 00:07:23,226
and suddenly realize that something
122
00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:24,640
very, very important was gone?
123
00:07:24,724 --> 00:07:26,191
Well, sure you do.
124
00:07:26,275 --> 00:07:28,975
You must every morning when
you open up your pajama top.
125
00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:38,482
Or your pajama bottoms.
126
00:07:40,655 --> 00:07:42,778
Yeah, right.
127
00:07:42,862 --> 00:07:44,896
Peg, set her straight.
128
00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:52,950
So there!
129
00:07:53,034 --> 00:07:55,834
Now, I'm gonna have to, uh,
notify the insurance company,
130
00:07:55,896 --> 00:07:57,502
and they're not gonna be too happy either
131
00:07:57,586 --> 00:08:00,674
because this baby's gonna be
mighty hard to replace.
132
00:08:00,758 --> 00:08:02,344
Fifty dollars?
133
00:08:03,103 --> 00:08:04,551
For a Dodge?
134
00:08:05,965 --> 00:08:07,260
That car was a classic.
135
00:08:07,344 --> 00:08:08,984
Why, everything in there was original:
136
00:08:09,068 --> 00:08:11,172
The seats, the engine, the oil.
137
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,709
And what about my mental suffering, huh?
138
00:08:14,793 --> 00:08:16,536
How much is that worth?
139
00:08:16,620 --> 00:08:20,019
Oh, you say that's the major part of the $50.
140
00:08:20,103 --> 00:08:21,364
All right, let me think about it.
141
00:08:21,448 --> 00:08:23,433
I'll get back to you.
142
00:08:23,517 --> 00:08:26,743
Fifty dollars. You can't
replace a car for $50.
143
00:08:26,827 --> 00:08:28,881
And the worst part is just five more payments
144
00:08:28,965 --> 00:08:30,931
and the damn thing was mine!
145
00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:34,778
Hey, hey look, Daddy.
146
00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:37,847
We could get a Mercedes for just 50 K's.
147
00:08:37,931 --> 00:08:39,620
You don't even need money.
148
00:08:42,068 --> 00:08:44,640
I have some spare K's from those
letters they sent from school
149
00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:47,536
saying that Kelly is an idiot.
150
00:08:47,620 --> 00:08:49,517
Well, who's the idiot now, huh?
151
00:08:55,724 --> 00:08:57,379
Peg!
152
00:08:59,034 --> 00:09:01,295
That's great news, honey.
153
00:09:01,379 --> 00:09:04,137
Why don't you run up and get those K's?
154
00:09:05,517 --> 00:09:07,053
You betcha.
155
00:09:07,137 --> 00:09:08,467
And Bud, you can help too.
156
00:09:08,551 --> 00:09:10,053
You can probably get one out of the paper
157
00:09:10,137 --> 00:09:11,571
cause there's always one in there
158
00:09:11,655 --> 00:09:14,206
about President Clinton and their cat.
159
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:21,743
And the current controversy
over campaign contributions.
160
00:09:21,827 --> 00:09:25,206
Wow, that's a veritable cornucopia of K's.
161
00:09:28,586 --> 00:09:32,467
Look, Al. Al, you're not gonna
settle for 50 bucks, are you?
162
00:09:32,551 --> 00:09:35,950
They pay you for what's in the car as well.
163
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:38,881
Now, what'd you have in the trunk?
164
00:09:38,965 --> 00:09:41,605
Oh, I had parts of
a carburetor I had left over
165
00:09:41,689 --> 00:09:43,793
when I took it apart and...
166
00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:48,068
I had a salami that I was aging.
167
00:09:50,793 --> 00:09:52,571
No, Al.
You tell them that you had--
168
00:09:52,655 --> 00:09:57,000
You had jewelry, paintings... cash.
169
00:09:57,724 --> 00:09:59,827
And a salami!
170
00:10:03,482 --> 00:10:05,068
Follow me, Al.
171
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:08,448
Two salamis.
172
00:10:14,965 --> 00:10:17,000
I think I'm starting to get your drift.
173
00:10:19,137 --> 00:10:22,206
I think I had a loaf of bread in there too.
174
00:10:27,379 --> 00:10:29,629
But how am I gonna prove
I had all that stuff?
175
00:10:29,655 --> 00:10:31,467
Well, how can they prove you didn't?
176
00:10:31,551 --> 00:10:33,398
Uh, Dad,
177
00:10:33,482 --> 00:10:35,448
this is kind of, uh, illegal.
178
00:10:40,310 --> 00:10:42,433
Oh, gee, that's right, huh?
179
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,965
Guess I should rethink the whole thing.
180
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,379
Little sissy.
181
00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:53,019
Well, I mean,
182
00:10:53,103 --> 00:10:55,398
insurance companies have been
ripping us off for years.
183
00:10:55,482 --> 00:10:57,532
Maybe we should get our fair share, right?
184
00:11:05,034 --> 00:11:06,931
I'm back in, eh, Dad?
185
00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:12,398
You could really use the money, Al.
186
00:11:12,482 --> 00:11:13,881
I mean, it should be your choice
187
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:17,398
to walk around with green teeth
and yellow underwear.
188
00:11:17,482 --> 00:11:19,793
Or sometimes vice versa.
189
00:11:20,551 --> 00:11:21,984
You're right!
190
00:11:22,068 --> 00:11:25,433
Now, I'm gonna make a list.
Peg, make a list.
191
00:11:25,517 --> 00:11:27,571
How am I gonna tell this insurance guy
192
00:11:27,655 --> 00:11:29,502
that I forgot to say
I had all that stuff?
193
00:11:29,586 --> 00:11:31,433
Uh, tell him you had a lot on your mind.
194
00:11:31,517 --> 00:11:33,502
How would they know
it's as empty as your trunk?
195
00:11:35,551 --> 00:11:37,502
You're right.
He doesn't know I'm an idiot.
196
00:11:40,172 --> 00:11:42,364
What am I gonna do for a car?
197
00:11:42,448 --> 00:11:43,847
Marcy...
198
00:11:43,931 --> 00:11:45,681
I saw you had a third car out front.
199
00:11:45,689 --> 00:11:46,881
Can I borrow it?
200
00:11:46,965 --> 00:11:48,605
Well, actually,
I borrowed it.
201
00:11:48,689 --> 00:11:50,812
I've been thinking about
getting a new car and...
202
00:11:50,896 --> 00:11:52,812
Dealerships are so desperate for business,
203
00:11:52,896 --> 00:11:56,571
they'll let you try one out
for a couple days.
204
00:11:56,655 --> 00:11:59,122
Gee,
I'd like to do that but...
205
00:11:59,206 --> 00:12:01,191
I don't have the money
to really buy a new car.
206
00:12:01,275 --> 00:12:03,398
And, of course, if I lied
207
00:12:03,482 --> 00:12:06,413
then that...
Would be cheating.
208
00:12:08,206 --> 00:12:10,502
And we couldn't do that, could we?
209
00:12:10,586 --> 00:12:12,847
That was good, right, Dad?
210
00:12:16,379 --> 00:12:18,571
♪ Hallelujah
211
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,709
♪ Hallelujah
212
00:12:20,793 --> 00:12:23,122
♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah
213
00:12:23,206 --> 00:12:25,689
♪ Halle-ee-lujah
214
00:12:30,689 --> 00:12:32,122
Pardon me.
215
00:12:32,206 --> 00:12:35,103
Have you any
Grey Poupon?
216
00:12:40,034 --> 00:12:42,157
♪ Hallelujah
217
00:12:42,241 --> 00:12:44,398
♪ Hallelujah
218
00:12:44,482 --> 00:12:45,862
♪ Hallelujah...
219
00:12:56,482 --> 00:12:58,019
Hey, Kel,
220
00:12:58,103 --> 00:13:00,379
why are you watching
Spanish television?
221
00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:07,122
Spanish?
222
00:13:07,206 --> 00:13:09,827
I just thought they were
English words I didn't know.
223
00:13:16,965 --> 00:13:18,931
Hey, don't sit on my K's!
224
00:13:21,620 --> 00:13:23,812
I have 28 K's.
225
00:13:23,896 --> 00:13:25,260
Now, I could probably get a Jeep,
226
00:13:25,344 --> 00:13:28,260
but I have my heart set on a Mercedes.
227
00:13:28,344 --> 00:13:30,965
So, what options do you think I should get?
228
00:13:35,034 --> 00:13:38,226
Maybe one of those, uh, electronic brains.
229
00:13:38,310 --> 00:13:40,517
Cause something in the car should have one.
230
00:13:41,896 --> 00:13:42,946
Who's Mom talking to?
231
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,250
Oh, the insurance company.
232
00:13:44,310 --> 00:13:45,536
She's taking care of things.
233
00:13:45,620 --> 00:13:47,640
She was afraid Dad was gonna go too far.
234
00:13:47,724 --> 00:13:49,674
Yes,
I realize it takes time
235
00:13:49,758 --> 00:13:52,172
to authenticate the Stradivarius.
236
00:13:54,068 --> 00:13:57,275
That's why I just don't know why
you don't take our word for it.
237
00:13:58,896 --> 00:14:02,088
Yes, we are the same Bundys
that filed a claim
238
00:14:02,172 --> 00:14:03,709
that our mansion had been whisked away
239
00:14:03,793 --> 00:14:06,709
in Hurricane Andrew.
240
00:14:06,793 --> 00:14:08,984
But I don't know what business
that is of yours.
241
00:14:09,068 --> 00:14:11,226
That was an entirely different
insurance company
242
00:14:11,310 --> 00:14:14,847
we were trying to defraud.
243
00:14:14,931 --> 00:14:17,295
Anyway, my husband has empowered me
244
00:14:17,379 --> 00:14:20,674
to come down off our
original figure of six million.
245
00:14:20,758 --> 00:14:23,467
Yes. That's because we found the Picasso.
246
00:14:25,068 --> 00:14:26,950
Well, it turns out
it wasn't in the car at all,
247
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:28,743
it just fell into the hamper.
248
00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:33,157
Liar?
249
00:14:33,241 --> 00:14:35,433
You know, no one has ever called me that
250
00:14:35,517 --> 00:14:37,965
in all my 24 years.
251
00:14:39,724 --> 00:14:41,571
Oh, come on.
252
00:14:41,655 --> 00:14:44,103
It's not like it's your money.
253
00:14:44,793 --> 00:14:46,241
Hello?
254
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:51,398
Boy, you file one multimillion-dollar claim
255
00:14:51,482 --> 00:14:53,082
and all that "good neighbor" crap
256
00:14:53,137 --> 00:14:55,275
just flies out the window.
257
00:15:10,517 --> 00:15:13,310
Wow, Daddy, you look good enough to bury.
258
00:15:15,172 --> 00:15:17,329
Yeah, Al, you really look great.
259
00:15:17,413 --> 00:15:18,916
You know,
I'd marry you all over again
260
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,350
if I didn't know it was you.
261
00:15:21,862 --> 00:15:26,122
But of course I do, so I wouldn't.
262
00:15:26,206 --> 00:15:27,502
Where'd you get that suit?
263
00:15:27,586 --> 00:15:29,467
Well, Peg, when the guys at
the clothing store
264
00:15:29,551 --> 00:15:31,088
saw me pull up in my new car
265
00:15:31,172 --> 00:15:33,053
they automatically opened up
a charge account for me.
266
00:15:33,137 --> 00:15:34,916
I guess they didn't know
I was just coming in
267
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,450
to bum a nickel for the meter.
268
00:15:38,034 --> 00:15:40,053
Listen, honey, I'm having
a little trouble with
269
00:15:40,137 --> 00:15:41,502
the insurance company.
270
00:15:41,586 --> 00:15:42,847
Did you know that the French claimed that
271
00:15:42,931 --> 00:15:44,709
the real Mona Lisa is theirs
272
00:15:44,793 --> 00:15:46,329
just like we did?
273
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,847
Well, you know, it's a dark day
274
00:15:48,931 --> 00:15:52,122
when someone will believe the French over me.
275
00:15:52,206 --> 00:15:54,226
What about that picture of
the dogs playing poker,
276
00:15:54,310 --> 00:15:56,260
did they say they have that one too?
277
00:15:56,344 --> 00:15:58,916
Cause I really did have that in my trunk.
278
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,122
Hey, Daddy, can we take a ride
in the new Mercedes?
279
00:16:01,206 --> 00:16:04,053
Well, pumpkin, I don't have
the new Mercedes anymore.
280
00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:06,587
See, when I took it back
to ask for a free fill-up
281
00:16:06,620 --> 00:16:07,881
they had the nerve to ask me
282
00:16:07,965 --> 00:16:09,950
when I was gonna buy the damn thing.
283
00:16:10,034 --> 00:16:12,448
Like I'd buy a foreign car.
284
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,571
I'm an American.
285
00:16:19,655 --> 00:16:23,053
And if I'm gonna cheat somebody,
it'll be an American company.
286
00:16:23,137 --> 00:16:26,709
Now, who wants to go for a ride
with me in my new loaner?
287
00:16:26,793 --> 00:16:28,640
A Lincoln Town Car.
288
00:16:28,724 --> 00:16:31,157
I do. I do. I do. I do.
I do. I do.
289
00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:34,743
Then let's rock n roll.
290
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:40,364
♪ Ridin' along
In my automobile ♪
291
00:16:40,448 --> 00:16:42,448
♪ My baby beside me
At the wheel ♪
292
00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:46,620
♪ I stole a kiss
At the turn of a mile ♪
293
00:16:47,896 --> 00:16:51,398
♪ My curiosity runnin' wild
294
00:16:51,482 --> 00:16:55,088
♪ Cruisin'
And playin' the radio ♪
295
00:16:55,172 --> 00:16:58,743
♪ With no particular
Place to go ♪
296
00:16:58,827 --> 00:17:01,620
♪ Ridin' along
In my automobile ♪
297
00:17:03,103 --> 00:17:06,019
♪ I'm anxious to tell her
The way I feel ♪
298
00:17:06,103 --> 00:17:09,812
♪ So I told her
Softly and sincere ♪
299
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:13,502
♪ And she leaned
And whispered in my ear ♪
300
00:17:13,586 --> 00:17:17,502
♪ Cuddlin' more
And drivin' slow ♪
301
00:17:17,586 --> 00:17:20,379
♪ With no particular
Place to go ♪
302
00:17:38,965 --> 00:17:42,088
Gee, that was a great ride, eh, guys?
303
00:17:42,172 --> 00:17:43,916
And it proves one thing for sure:
304
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,053
Old people can really jump out of the way
305
00:17:46,137 --> 00:17:48,916
when there's 4000 pounds
of American engineering
306
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:50,743
barreling right at them.
307
00:17:54,689 --> 00:17:57,260
Hey, everybody, our food's still hot
308
00:17:57,344 --> 00:18:01,364
and so is that guy at the Burger
Boy drive-up window.
309
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:03,191
The fool actually handed me the bag
310
00:18:03,275 --> 00:18:05,605
while I still had the $5 dangling
in front of the window.
311
00:18:08,793 --> 00:18:11,206
Oh, look, Bud, it looks like your bed.
312
00:18:15,758 --> 00:18:16,881
Look, Kel.
313
00:18:16,965 --> 00:18:19,413
This'll fit your finger when you're 30.
314
00:18:21,586 --> 00:18:24,709
Now, Bud, I have told you a thousand times
315
00:18:24,793 --> 00:18:27,916
don't play with your food or
I'm gonna give it to the dog.
316
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,157
And if the dog plays with it,
317
00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:30,536
I'm gonna give it to your father.
318
00:18:33,137 --> 00:18:34,329
Hello, ma'am.
319
00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:36,502
Joe Orton from Uninsurable
"We'll Insure Anybody"
320
00:18:36,586 --> 00:18:37,778
Insurance Company.
321
00:18:37,862 --> 00:18:39,433
I've come to settle your claim.
322
00:18:39,517 --> 00:18:42,191
It's our five million dollars. Yeah.
323
00:18:42,275 --> 00:18:45,758
Well, I see why you kept
the Mona Lisa in the trunk.
324
00:18:47,172 --> 00:18:48,950
And, uh, my salami.
325
00:18:49,034 --> 00:18:52,053
Oh, I mean, uh, my two salamis.
326
00:18:52,137 --> 00:18:53,398
How much money you gonna give me?
327
00:18:53,482 --> 00:18:57,448
We'll give you $25,000.
328
00:19:02,931 --> 00:19:04,896
Just wait one second, please.
329
00:19:05,689 --> 00:19:06,965
Family meeting.
330
00:19:08,862 --> 00:19:11,019
What are we meeting for?
Let's just take the 25,000.
331
00:19:11,103 --> 00:19:12,203
Now, wait a minute, Al.
332
00:19:12,241 --> 00:19:13,536
That's not how it's done.
333
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:14,950
This is just their starting offer.
334
00:19:15,034 --> 00:19:16,295
Go bargain with him.
335
00:19:16,379 --> 00:19:18,079
No. We don't want Dad to negotiate.
336
00:19:18,103 --> 00:19:21,088
He's a moron.
I am.
337
00:19:21,172 --> 00:19:24,260
I am. I am a moron.
Damn, what should I do?
338
00:19:24,344 --> 00:19:25,984
Just remember the old saying:
339
00:19:26,068 --> 00:19:29,103
A bird in the hand
is worth a foot in the tush.
340
00:19:31,275 --> 00:19:32,812
What are you saying?
341
00:19:32,896 --> 00:19:35,709
I don't know. Well, what sh--
342
00:19:35,793 --> 00:19:37,398
What should I do? Negotiate.
343
00:19:37,482 --> 00:19:40,000
Take the money. Buy a vowel.
344
00:19:43,793 --> 00:19:45,743
Look, Al, whatever your instincts are,
345
00:19:45,827 --> 00:19:47,586
just do the opposite.
346
00:19:49,655 --> 00:19:51,743
Uh, can I buy a vowel?
347
00:19:51,827 --> 00:19:55,122
No, I mean--
I'll take the money.
348
00:19:58,758 --> 00:20:00,053
Good news,
Mr. Bundy.
349
00:20:00,137 --> 00:20:03,137
They're making edible nightsticks now?
350
00:20:05,172 --> 00:20:06,433
I wish.
351
00:20:06,517 --> 00:20:08,605
No.
I meant good news for you.
352
00:20:08,689 --> 00:20:10,103
We found your Dodge.
353
00:20:13,655 --> 00:20:16,455
It was parked around the corner
where the engine fell out.
354
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:19,433
We might have found it a little earlier
355
00:20:19,517 --> 00:20:22,881
but we barely care
when there's a major crime.
356
00:20:22,965 --> 00:20:25,191
Did they jimmy open the trunk, officer?
357
00:20:25,275 --> 00:20:26,191
Nope.
358
00:20:26,275 --> 00:20:27,398
What a relief.
359
00:20:27,482 --> 00:20:29,896
The Mona Lisa is safe.
360
00:20:34,034 --> 00:20:36,019
Well,
I gotta be going too.
361
00:20:36,103 --> 00:20:37,605
There's an armed robbery in progress
362
00:20:37,689 --> 00:20:40,620
and I'm gonna go park under
the freeway and take a nap.
363
00:20:52,241 --> 00:20:56,157
W-wait, Daddy, there might be
some K's in there.
364
00:20:56,241 --> 00:20:59,896
Pumpkin, there are no K's in "broke."
365
00:21:03,586 --> 00:21:05,088
But you know what?
366
00:21:05,172 --> 00:21:07,812
I'm gonna tell you something.
I'm glad they found my Dodge
367
00:21:07,896 --> 00:21:09,571
cause that's my car,
368
00:21:09,655 --> 00:21:11,191
and I hate change.
369
00:21:11,275 --> 00:21:13,191
Well, you know, it would be...
370
00:21:13,275 --> 00:21:14,984
Like losing one of you guys.
371
00:21:15,068 --> 00:21:17,916
Or, Peg, it'd be like trading
you in on a brand-new blond
372
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,778
with shiny, new, smooth,
373
00:21:19,862 --> 00:21:22,034
factory-warranted hooters, you know.
374
00:21:23,206 --> 00:21:24,674
Ah, sure, the first few rides
375
00:21:24,758 --> 00:21:26,908
would be nice and everything, but, you know,
376
00:21:26,965 --> 00:21:31,467
in the long run-- And this, Peg,
is what depresses me every day.
377
00:21:31,551 --> 00:21:33,241
--I realize that...
378
00:21:34,068 --> 00:21:36,448
You're the one I want.
379
00:21:38,655 --> 00:21:39,916
Oh, Al.
380
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:42,310
I wish you wouldn't touch me though, Peg.
381
00:21:43,896 --> 00:21:45,157
Now, kids,
382
00:21:45,241 --> 00:21:47,191
let's say we jump in the old Dodge
383
00:21:47,275 --> 00:21:48,743
and go for a spin.
384
00:21:48,827 --> 00:21:50,433
Okay. Let's go.
385
00:21:52,689 --> 00:21:56,157
♪ Ridin' along
In my automobile ♪
386
00:21:56,241 --> 00:21:59,812
♪ My baby beside me
At the wheel ♪
387
00:21:59,896 --> 00:22:02,344
♪ I stole a kiss
At the turn of a mile ♪
388
00:22:03,793 --> 00:22:07,295
♪ My curiosity runnin' wild
389
00:22:07,379 --> 00:22:10,950
♪ Cruisin'
And playin' the radio ♪
390
00:22:11,034 --> 00:22:14,605
♪ With no particular
Place to go ♪
391
00:22:14,689 --> 00:22:18,191
♪ Ridin' along
In my automobile ♪
392
00:22:18,275 --> 00:22:20,620
♪ I'm anxious to tell her
The way I... ♪
393
00:22:24,620 --> 00:22:27,881
KELLY: Hello? Yes,
I saw your ad in the paper
394
00:22:27,965 --> 00:22:29,812
and I'd like to buy a Mercedes
395
00:22:29,896 --> 00:22:31,950
and I just wanna verify the price.
396
00:22:32,034 --> 00:22:34,931
How much for the new model with everything?
397
00:22:36,344 --> 00:22:38,172
Fifty G's?
398
00:22:45,620 --> 00:22:48,827
Well, I don't have that kind of letter.
399
00:22:51,655 --> 00:22:53,896
Or 50 big ones.
400
00:22:55,310 --> 00:22:57,862
How big do they have to be?
29284
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