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1
00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:21,816
Well, kids, it's Friday afternoon.
You know what that means.
2
00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:25,352
- We play Make-Believe Daddy. Yeah!
- We play Make-Believe Daddy. Yeah!
3
00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:33,627
Hi, kids, I'm home.
4
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:35,963
- Daddy.
- Daddy.
5
00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:40,267
Would you like your pipe
and slippers now, Daddy?
6
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:49,543
And what would you like, beautiful?
7
00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:53,914
Just hold me in your powerful argyle arms.
8
00:01:54,949 --> 00:01:59,954
Kids, go put on some Johnny Mathis
and get out of here.
9
00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:14,502
No, not the sock again.
10
00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:17,605
How come he gets a pipe and slippers?
11
00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:20,774
I've had a cold for three days,
I gotta sleep in the garage.
12
00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:24,278
It's for your own good, Al.
You know what they say:
13
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:27,448
"Starve a cold. Freeze a fever."
14
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:31,151
I've got a good mind not to tell you
what happened at work today.
15
00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:36,524
And it was real interesting too.
16
00:02:37,224 --> 00:02:40,928
Sock Daddy almost got stuck
in the lint filter today.
17
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:48,335
Yup, marriage stinks, have a kid.
Kid stinks, have another.
18
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:52,439
And everything will be all right.
19
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:55,009
Well, let Sock Daddy top this.
20
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:58,012
I've been offered early retirement.
21
00:02:58,746 --> 00:03:01,815
They've offered to give me a year's pay.
22
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:04,952
A check for $12,000.
23
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:11,325
- Daddy.
- Daddy.
24
00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:14,361
Would you like your pipe
and slippers now, Daddy?
25
00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:23,470
I don't get it, Al.
26
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:26,507
You mean, they're gonna pay you
just to sit around the house?
27
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:30,044
Yes, Peg. Quite a little novel idea
for you, isn't it?
28
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,113
But I don't know what I should do.
29
00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:36,283
Well, that's never stopped you
from taking me.
30
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:39,053
Shouldn't stop you from taking $12,000.
31
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:42,256
Oh, take the money, Al. I mean,
look what work has done for you.
32
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:43,824
You got lines in your face.
33
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:46,627
Your cheeks are sallow.
You lost all your hair.
34
00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:50,664
Peg, that's what you've done to me.
35
00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:54,234
But work can't be helping.
36
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:57,538
Besides, just think what we could do
with that money.
37
00:03:57,705 --> 00:04:00,140
Al, we could pay off our Visa.
38
00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:01,976
Oh, do it for me, baby.
39
00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:05,079
I don't know how much longer
I can go without charging again.
40
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:09,917
I didn't work 20 years to pay off
a Visa bill.
41
00:04:10,084 --> 00:04:12,686
Creditors don't get one penny.
42
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:16,357
How dare they expect us to pay
for five-year-old items.
43
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:19,360
I mean, if they're stupid enough
to give me credit...
44
00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:22,463
...Let them raise their interest.
Let honest people pay for it.
45
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:31,305
All right, we have had enough.
46
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:34,708
Every day, our paper is missing.
47
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:38,078
We never see you take it,
but we know it's you.
48
00:04:38,245 --> 00:04:41,548
We have many signs
that point directly to you.
49
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:43,117
Our stoop smells.
50
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:46,020
Our roses have been used as a restroom.
51
00:04:46,186 --> 00:04:49,490
And I keep finding all of these loose hairs...
52
00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:51,025
...All over our porch...
53
00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:54,695
...Which look like they were once here...
54
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:56,430
...Here...
55
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,699
...Or in there.
56
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,905
How dare you accuse me...
57
00:05:05,072 --> 00:05:08,375
...Or any member of my law-abiding family.
58
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,811
I demand an apology.
59
00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:21,722
That's a-- That's a bad dog.
60
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:27,928
Yeah, I stole. But at least I wasn't
the one who wet the bushes.
61
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:36,170
Look, you don't have to worry
about us stealing anything anymore.
62
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,973
Al just got $12,000 for early retirement.
63
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:41,975
Oh, well, that's great, Al.
64
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:44,211
Why, you could live off the interest.
65
00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:45,879
If you don't touch your capital...
66
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:48,649
...Your interest could earn
as much as $12 a week.
67
00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:51,985
Really?
68
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:56,790
And you could use the time off, old paint.
69
00:05:57,257 --> 00:05:59,093
Don't wind up like my dad.
70
00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:02,830
The man worked through his 70s,
every day of his life.
71
00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:06,200
- His back bent from work.
- Was he a coal miner?
72
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,836
No, a gigolo.
73
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:14,041
He was always going to retire,
but then it was too late.
74
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:16,810
He tragically died preparing for a job.
75
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:19,680
Burned to death in a tanning bed.
76
00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:27,321
Well, at least he died the way
he always wanted to:
77
00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:29,790
No tan lines.
78
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,796
Jefferson still has the cotton balls...
79
00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:39,633
...That were between what used to be
his dad's toes.
80
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:44,605
I can't tan or eat a well-done steak
without thinking of that man.
81
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:52,412
My poor baby.
His was a close but tragic family.
82
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,481
His mother was an exotic dancer.
83
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:57,251
She was swallowed whole
by her snake during a break...
84
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,686
...At Airport Totally Nude.
85
00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:05,425
I can't wear a belt or buy
an expensive pair of boots...
86
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:08,295
...Without thinking she's in them.
87
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,500
Come, Jefferson.
In honor of your parents...
88
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:16,737
...Come dance naked for me
and then pleasure me.
89
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:18,739
Yes.
90
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:22,943
Yes, I'll do it for Mom and Dad.
91
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:30,684
I just hope wherever they are,
they're watching.
92
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:38,725
I think we might be better off
if we bought our own newspaper...
93
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:41,461
...And get those people the hell out of here.
94
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:46,066
But there's something to be learned
from Jefferson's extra-crispy dad.
95
00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:49,369
There comes a time...
96
00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:52,406
...When a man has accomplished all he can do.
97
00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:55,776
- I think you already have.
- I fear you're right.
98
00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:59,713
But you know, it wouldn't be bad...
99
00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:04,585
...To have a little extra money
in the bank around this time.
100
00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:08,088
So I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna retire.
101
00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:12,492
And then I'll have more time
to pursue my real hobby:
102
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:20,968
Hey, what are you doing out here?
103
00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:25,539
We've got room for you too,
right here in retirement village.
104
00:08:27,341 --> 00:08:29,343
Day-o
105
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,817
Day day-o
106
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:40,454
Daylight come and I working no more
107
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:43,924
Daylight come and I working no more
108
00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:52,733
I see deadly red tarantula
109
00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:59,139
But I sit here with my hand
In my pant-ula
110
00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:05,012
- Happy, honey?
- Yeah.
111
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:08,215
Good, because I think you've had
enough time to relax.
112
00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:10,550
You've slept late and you've sat down.
113
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:13,353
Now it's time to get another job.
114
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,322
But, Peg, we got $12,000.
115
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:19,259
Honey, how long do you think
$12,000 is gonna last?
116
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:21,628
I mean, we've only had that money
for an hour...
117
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:24,331
...And already it's down to $10,000.
118
00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:27,901
And that is just for hair, nails...
119
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:31,238
...And $1800 worth of junk.
120
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:34,975
Now, honey, am I gonna
have to spend all of this money...
121
00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:38,178
...Before you realize it's time to get
a new job?
122
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:40,580
But you know, it doesn't have to be
just any job.
123
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:43,784
It should be something you can
be proud of. A step up.
124
00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:46,320
That's why I've made an appointment for you.
125
00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:48,689
You see, there's an opening for a guy...
126
00:09:48,855 --> 00:09:53,560
...To separate garbage
into paper, plastic and spit.
127
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:57,197
If you hurry, you can be that guy.
128
00:09:57,397 --> 00:10:00,567
Oh, Peg, why can't getting a job
wait till tomorrow?
129
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:04,638
Al, there is a lot of competition
out there in the job pool.
130
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:06,239
Why, every day...
131
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:10,711
...More illegal immigrants,
some of whom speak English...
132
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:14,114
...Are out there flooding the job market.
133
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:17,084
Now, if you were a customer,
what would you rather hear:
134
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:19,519
"Yeah, yeah, I'll get you a slushy"...
135
00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:23,123
...Or, "Please, sir, I will gladly
serve you a slushy.
136
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:25,926
Thank you for not killing me."
137
00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:31,331
Believe me, honey. I love you.
138
00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:34,067
And I wouldn't hire you to put
phone-sex cards...
139
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:36,303
...Under windshield wipers.
140
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:39,239
Besides, you know, $10,000 is really--
141
00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:44,644
Hello? Oh, yes,
I did place that order.
142
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,546
Thank you.
143
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,649
Nine thousand dollars...
144
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:52,652
...Is really, really not a lot
in this day and age.
145
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:55,822
Especially since we put it in my name
to hide it from creditors.
146
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:58,291
Well, Peg, that reminds me.
Where is my money?
147
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,293
Yeah.
148
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:04,331
Like I'm really gonna tell you.
149
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:07,534
The way you just fritter it away.
150
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,837
That'll be for me.
151
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:15,909
I ordered the entire Elvis plate
collection from the Franklin Mint.
152
00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:20,547
Now, there's no guarantee
that they'll go up in value...
153
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:22,249
...But all the others have.
154
00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:28,388
MS. BLAUB
155
00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:33,527
And so, Miss...
156
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:37,264
..."Blaub" --
157
00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:40,500
- Ms. Blaub.
- Yeah.
158
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,769
I'm sorry, your name was partially obscured...
159
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:45,672
...By some errant flesh.
160
00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:50,410
As I was saying, I'm just not going
to take anything...
161
00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:53,213
...Unlike you at a buffet.
162
00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:58,885
So, what do you have for me?
163
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:02,289
Some Mennen Speed Stick in my desk.
164
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:08,495
Well, let me give you a little tip.
It goes under your arms...
165
00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:11,898
...If you could ever get them horizontal.
166
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:16,970
{\an8}Well, I can see that you are
a real people person...
167
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:20,941
{\an8}...So let's get you the hell out of here
as quickly as possible.
168
00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:24,010
{\an8}How many years of college did you have?
169
00:12:28,115 --> 00:12:31,017
{\an8}I was just entertaining myself.
170
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:32,452
{\an8}Did you go to high school?
171
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,155
Polk High.
172
00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:38,558
And while I find you fat and repulsive...
173
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:43,063
...I'll gladly regale you with tales
of my four touchdowns in one game.
174
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:46,800
{\an8}Oh, how rare it is to have someone
who played high school football...
175
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:48,969
{\an8}...In an employment office.
176
00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:51,671
- Look, blob--
- Blaub!
177
00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:56,143
I know your name.
That was a descriptive term.
178
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,478
Now, look.
I'm putting myself...
179
00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:02,682
...In your sweaty, bloated hands here.
180
00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:05,452
I'm looking for a career, not just a job.
181
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:07,053
You know, like a doctor...
182
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:10,190
...Or a guy who plays with hooters all day.
183
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:13,727
That would be an anesthesiologist.
184
00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:16,463
Well, don't worry, I think we have
something perfect...
185
00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:20,433
...For a man with your qualifications.
Tell me, do you have any skills?
186
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:23,870
Well, I'm naturally inquisitive.
187
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:26,106
For instance, I'm wondering just how strong...
188
00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:28,642
...That chair is, you're sitting in.
189
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:36,650
I have the perfect job for you.
190
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:42,422
HOMEPLATE
ATHLETIC SHOES
191
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:47,227
{\an8}Okay. Line up.
Customers will be coming in soon.
192
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:49,229
{\an8}You guys ready?
193
00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:04,945
All right, Bundy, meet the people
you'll be working with.
194
00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:08,081
I like to call them "the three Habibs."
195
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,886
That's management for you.
They're all alike.
196
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:14,554
Never get to know your real name.
197
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:18,058
No, it is true.
We are all named Habib.
198
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,294
Well, how do I tell you apart?
199
00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:24,264
It is easy.
You just call us Habib...
200
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:26,499
...And point to the one you wish to speak to.
201
00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:28,068
That's what we do.
202
00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:31,271
Is that not right, Habib?
203
00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:35,775
Yes, it is, Habib.
204
00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:38,378
Learn our names quickly, old one.
205
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:40,747
Soon we will be ownership Habibs.
206
00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:44,050
The shoe store's for sale,
and we are saving our money to buy.
207
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:46,953
{\an8}Ah, just go ahead and play the lottery.
208
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,888
{\an8}There's no money in shoes.
209
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:51,391
{\an8}I was selling shoes
when you guys were a gleam...
210
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:54,461
{\an8}...In a New York taxicab driver's eyes.
211
00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:58,832
Bundy, I've been called away
on urgent business.
212
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:02,302
{\an8}One of the prostitutes I use is free.
213
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:05,572
{\an8}I'm leaving you in charge.
214
00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:08,875
{\an8}The whistle is yours.
215
00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:16,650
{\an8}Management.
216
00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:18,718
{\an8}I'm the boss.
217
00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:23,556
{\an8}Finally, somebody's mistrust
in foreigners has put me in charge.
218
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:25,759
{\an8}Okay. Huddle up.
219
00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:29,763
All right, I'm running this team now.
220
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:33,133
And remember, there's no "I" in "shoe store."
221
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:35,869
Now, here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna run a zone.
222
00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:38,538
Habib, you cover running shoes.
223
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:41,241
Habib, you cover cross-trainers.
224
00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:42,742
And Habib...
225
00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:47,314
...You cover a hot dog with mustard
and you bring it back here.
226
00:15:48,014 --> 00:15:50,950
Ready? Work.
227
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:56,256
I like this.
228
00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:59,993
I like this so much,
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
229
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,495
I'm gonna buy this shoe store...
230
00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:05,565
...And be the last American in this country...
231
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:08,568
...To own his own business.
232
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:12,072
Hi. I'm Charlene Tilton...
233
00:16:12,238 --> 00:16:15,041
...And I'd like to introduce you
to the Abdomenizer.
234
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:26,019
Hey, Mom, how did you ever get
Charlene Tilton...
235
00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:27,987
...To come exercise in our living room?
236
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:30,890
Well, I called to order one of those things...
237
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,126
...But I wasn't sure that I wanted to buy it.
238
00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:35,795
So she rushed right over
to answer all my questions.
239
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:38,798
It's easy and fun.
240
00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:46,840
You just described me,
you former Dallas cutie.
241
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:51,444
I like to call myself "Abdomenizer B."
242
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:54,481
But I don't need no stinking exerciser.
243
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:57,717
I get plenty of exercise up in my room.
244
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:02,689
Yes, but with the Abdomenizer,
for the first time...
245
00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:04,791
...You could have some company.
246
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:12,198
Peg.
247
00:17:12,499 --> 00:17:14,634
Kids. Charlene Tilton.
248
00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:16,770
Peg...
249
00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:19,806
...I now know what's been
holding me back all these years.
250
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,209
That would be us.
251
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:26,613
I bet he has a new plan to change his future.
252
00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:29,282
I should have killed you years ago.
253
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:37,323
If you really wanna change
your future, start with your stomach.
254
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,926
Why, I wouldn't be here
if I didn't believe in it.
255
00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:44,030
Oh, come on. You'd be here for
a slice of cheese and a Ritz cracker.
256
00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:47,801
Now, Peg, I know you could never guess...
257
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:49,369
...So I'm just gonna tell you.
258
00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:51,571
I want to buy a shoe store.
It's a gold mine.
259
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:54,040
No, I do not want your opinion.
Give me the money.
260
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,076
Al, what woman would give
her husband his money?
261
00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:59,979
Honey, it just isn't done.
262
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:02,982
Peg, I need it and I need it now, baby!
263
00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:06,719
Can't you see, Peg? I'm actually
really excited about something.
264
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:09,589
Well, believe me, Al,
I am the expert on this.
265
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:13,493
Wait about 30 seconds, you won't be anymore.
266
00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:18,331
Well, Peg, I'm not gonna beg for it.
It's my money, and I demand it.
267
00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:24,771
Peg, I'm begging you for it.
Now, Peg, give me my money.
268
00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:27,173
All right, fine. We'll have a vote.
269
00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:29,008
Who doesn't want me to have my money?
270
00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:35,081
Now, that hurt, Charlene.
271
00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:38,818
All right, I now know what I have to do.
272
00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:47,427
Oh, Al, you're so cute.
273
00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:51,364
You're gonna try to earn it
by having sex with me.
274
00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:55,335
No, Peg. Nope.
Gonna take my pants off...
275
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,403
...Get a lawn chair...
276
00:18:57,570 --> 00:19:01,207
...And sit in my underwear
over at your college.
277
00:19:02,075 --> 00:19:04,511
Tell everybody I'm your father.
278
00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:09,582
And then I'm gonna go to your diner,
where you work. Pull up my Hanes.
279
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:12,218
Tell them all I'm your father.
280
00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:15,455
Then I'm gonna go prancing
around your beauty parlor.
281
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:19,459
Oh, and did I mention, by then
I won't be wearing any underwear?
282
00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:25,498
And then, just for the heck of it...
283
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,967
...I'm gonna have a big sign that says:
284
00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:30,370
"I've been using the Abdomenizer two years...
285
00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:32,605
...And this is what I look like."
286
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:42,081
Now let's vote.
287
00:19:42,248 --> 00:19:43,950
Who wants Daddy to get his money?
288
00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:49,489
I knew you were all behind me.
289
00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:52,258
Now, Peg, help me out here.
What time is it?
290
00:19:52,458 --> 00:19:54,027
Time to buy an Abdomenizer.
291
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,999
- It's 6:30, honey.
- All right, 6:30. That's fine. All right.
292
00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:02,235
Stores are closed.
I have to go tomorrow.
293
00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:05,004
Fine. Might be another buyer.
I have to get there early.
294
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,674
This is going to be the biggest day
of my life. Peg...
295
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:11,244
...The only thing you have to do, honey:
Make sure I wake up at 8:00.
296
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:14,914
- Can you do that for me, baby?
- I'll do it for you, baby.
297
00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:20,219
You know, Charlene was really right
about this Abdomenizer thing.
298
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:22,989
It does work.
299
00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:27,627
Peg?
300
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:32,865
Peg, thanks for waking me right on time.
301
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:35,868
You know, it's 4:00 in the afternoon.
302
00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:40,406
Well, honey, if I could handle
responsibility, I'd have a job.
303
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,909
Great, no harm done.
304
00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:48,047
I called to see if they sold the place
without me and they did.
305
00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:50,116
They sold it this morning.
How about that?
306
00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:53,152
Well, who cares?
It was just a life dream.
307
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:55,355
You know what?
Next time you have a dream...
308
00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:58,524
...Let me know about it.
I'll wake you up.
309
00:20:59,525 --> 00:21:02,128
But, you know, the guy also bought
my old shoe store.
310
00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:05,264
So, you know, it's hard to find a guy
with 20 years' experience...
311
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:08,468
...Who will work for minimum wage,
so I got my old job back.
312
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:11,270
Oh, yay, Daddy.
313
00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:15,575
Well, at least the slow one is trying.
314
00:21:16,242 --> 00:21:18,144
But you'll all be rejoicing pretty soon.
315
00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:19,946
Because I have $6000...
316
00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:23,282
...And I'm going to invest it
for the future of my family.
317
00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:27,587
Six thousand dollars' worth
of lottery tickets, Dad?
318
00:21:29,722 --> 00:21:33,226
- Think winner, son.
- We've just been handed a bulletin.
319
00:21:33,393 --> 00:21:36,029
We have a winner in this week's
Illinois State Lottery.
320
00:21:36,195 --> 00:21:38,398
The winner lives right here
in the Chicago area.
321
00:21:38,598 --> 00:21:42,535
And who more deserving to win
the $60 million...
322
00:21:42,702 --> 00:21:46,906
...Than the lowest form of human life,
a shoe salesman.
323
00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:50,810
- Al, I think it's you.
- It's me. It's me. I know it's me.
324
00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:53,980
I know at last an American can dare to dream.
325
00:21:54,147 --> 00:21:56,015
And the winner is...
326
00:21:56,215 --> 00:21:58,317
...Habib, Habib, Habib.
327
00:21:58,484 --> 00:22:00,453
ILLINOIS STATE LOTTERY
HABIB, HABIB, HABIB
328
00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:01,988
SIXTY MILLION DOLLARS
329
00:22:10,129 --> 00:22:12,632
Hey, Dad.
I got a seven and an eight.
330
00:22:12,799 --> 00:22:16,703
I think we won $5!
Five dollars!
26491
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