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1
00:01:55,827 --> 00:01:57,448
Oh, not you again.
2
00:01:58,931 --> 00:02:00,709
Honey, now that you're up,
3
00:02:00,793 --> 00:02:02,467
rub my tushy so I can go back to sleep.
4
00:02:02,551 --> 00:02:04,778
Oh, Peg.
5
00:02:04,862 --> 00:02:07,605
How come nobody ever rubs my tushy?
6
00:02:07,689 --> 00:02:08,847
Well, I'll tell you what.
7
00:02:08,931 --> 00:02:11,758
This weekend, you mow it,
I'll rub it.
8
00:02:21,931 --> 00:02:24,605
Oh, Al, it just doesn't feel right.
9
00:02:24,689 --> 00:02:27,172
Well, maybe I'm rubbing against the grain.
10
00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:31,881
Know what would really help me go to sleep?
11
00:02:31,965 --> 00:02:33,398
Yes I do, Peg, but I don't think
12
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we can get Dr. Kevorkian
on such short notice.
13
00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:40,019
No, Al.
14
00:02:40,103 --> 00:02:42,433
Tell me a story.
15
00:02:42,517 --> 00:02:43,758
Oh, all right.
16
00:02:45,310 --> 00:02:49,364
Once upon a time there was
a princess named Peggy.
17
00:02:49,448 --> 00:02:51,226
I like this one.
18
00:02:51,310 --> 00:02:52,605
She had everything.
19
00:02:52,689 --> 00:02:55,965
Beauty, charm, breeding, inbreeding.
20
00:02:57,103 --> 00:02:58,364
A huge fat mother.
21
00:02:58,448 --> 00:03:00,019
Everything a little girl could want.
22
00:03:00,103 --> 00:03:03,536
Then one day she married a prince.
23
00:03:03,620 --> 00:03:05,778
Bonny Prince Al.
24
00:03:05,862 --> 00:03:07,295
Were they happy?
25
00:03:07,379 --> 00:03:09,536
Not at first.
26
00:03:09,620 --> 00:03:12,226
But then she brought over
four of her best girlfriends
27
00:03:12,310 --> 00:03:14,896
with the most luscious hooters you ever saw.
28
00:03:18,172 --> 00:03:21,605
The princess went into a deep, deep sleep...
29
00:03:21,689 --> 00:03:25,000
And Al and the eight hooters
lived happily ever after.
30
00:03:31,206 --> 00:03:32,605
Don't you worry, guys.
31
00:03:32,689 --> 00:03:35,260
No matter what he says, he still loves you.
32
00:03:35,344 --> 00:03:36,640
Tell them that you do, Al.
33
00:03:36,724 --> 00:03:37,812
They know I do, Peg.
34
00:03:37,896 --> 00:03:39,620
It's you I have the problem with.
35
00:03:41,344 --> 00:03:43,329
Now I'm all tense.
36
00:03:43,413 --> 00:03:45,467
But I know what you could do
to make me drowsy.
37
00:03:45,551 --> 00:03:47,364
Oh, no.
38
00:03:47,448 --> 00:03:51,191
Not that, Al.
That only puts you to sleep.
39
00:03:51,275 --> 00:03:54,172
Could you go down and get me
a nice warm glass of milk?
40
00:03:56,551 --> 00:03:57,778
But hurry back, honey.
41
00:03:57,862 --> 00:03:59,931
You know I can't sleep without you.
42
00:04:03,896 --> 00:04:05,655
It's always your tushy, your milk.
43
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,620
Your stinking orgasm.
44
00:04:10,724 --> 00:04:11,950
What about me?
45
00:04:12,034 --> 00:04:14,571
How come I don't get no tushy rub?
46
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:17,053
If there is one
desirable tushy in this house,
47
00:04:17,137 --> 00:04:18,896
it's the one right behind me.
48
00:04:21,068 --> 00:04:22,724
Hey, this is all right.
49
00:04:29,344 --> 00:04:32,778
Well, it's darn relaxing.
50
00:04:32,862 --> 00:04:36,467
How come I spend so much time like this...
51
00:04:36,551 --> 00:04:40,413
When this is right around the corner?
52
00:04:43,448 --> 00:04:45,778
Hey, wait a second.
53
00:04:45,862 --> 00:04:47,758
I've got two hands.
54
00:04:56,137 --> 00:04:59,034
Oh, good night, folks.
55
00:05:07,413 --> 00:05:08,984
Hi, Daddy.
56
00:05:09,068 --> 00:05:11,364
You know, you're twice as
talented as Michael Jackson
57
00:05:11,448 --> 00:05:13,551
because he only uses one hand.
58
00:05:16,413 --> 00:05:19,122
Well, that's great.
Now I won't fall asleep again.
59
00:05:19,206 --> 00:05:22,053
Guess I'll try what I learned
from my dad when I was a kid.
60
00:05:22,137 --> 00:05:23,379
Counting hooters.
61
00:05:25,551 --> 00:05:28,413
Two, four, six...
62
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:33,000
Eight. Oh, no, now,
wait a minute. It's twins.
63
00:05:34,344 --> 00:05:37,000
Twelve, fourteen...
64
00:05:47,655 --> 00:05:49,467
Are you gonna come inside?
65
00:05:49,551 --> 00:05:50,950
No.
66
00:05:51,034 --> 00:05:52,502
Oh, I get it.
67
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:54,448
You want me right here,
right now, on the floor.
68
00:05:55,551 --> 00:05:57,536
Hell no.
69
00:05:57,620 --> 00:06:00,019
Well, why'd you walk me to my door, then?
70
00:06:00,103 --> 00:06:03,241
Because it was the only way
to get you out of my car.
71
00:06:08,689 --> 00:06:11,709
Dad, did you see that?
72
00:06:11,793 --> 00:06:12,862
No.
73
00:06:15,241 --> 00:06:17,482
Did you see this?
74
00:06:18,482 --> 00:06:19,640
No.
75
00:06:19,724 --> 00:06:20,950
Good.
Well, good night, son.
76
00:06:21,034 --> 00:06:22,295
Good night.
77
00:06:22,379 --> 00:06:24,793
Hey, son. Son?
78
00:06:26,241 --> 00:06:28,191
Always remember...
79
00:06:28,275 --> 00:06:30,000
You've got two hands.
80
00:06:34,034 --> 00:06:36,758
Thanks, Dad.
I'll be needing them.
81
00:06:39,241 --> 00:06:41,019
Yeah, yeah, kids are great.
82
00:06:41,103 --> 00:06:43,916
They bring you so much pleasure.
83
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,398
That's why a man should always have a dog.
84
00:06:46,482 --> 00:06:49,724
Buck, boy, bring me my slippers, boy.
85
00:06:51,931 --> 00:06:55,019
That's all right, boy.
You don't owe me anything.
86
00:06:55,103 --> 00:06:56,398
Just your worthless, stinking
87
00:06:56,482 --> 00:07:00,778
one-step-from-being-gassed-
in-the-pound life.
88
00:07:00,862 --> 00:07:03,260
All right, back to hooters.
89
00:07:03,344 --> 00:07:07,413
Thirty, thirty-two, thirty-four, thirty-six...
90
00:08:00,482 --> 00:08:01,965
All right, Peg.
91
00:08:08,137 --> 00:08:10,000
Hey, hey, hey!
92
00:08:11,482 --> 00:08:13,295
Hey, hey now!
93
00:08:13,379 --> 00:08:15,157
Hey, you're not my wife.
94
00:08:15,241 --> 00:08:16,984
What are you doing with my TV?
95
00:08:17,068 --> 00:08:20,000
Nothing as bad as you
were doing with my butt.
96
00:08:21,413 --> 00:08:23,743
Now, don't look for trouble, mister.
97
00:08:23,827 --> 00:08:26,812
Just shut up and sit down.
98
00:08:26,896 --> 00:08:29,295
This stuff ain't worth losing your life over.
99
00:08:29,379 --> 00:08:31,640
Hey, this is my house.
100
00:08:31,724 --> 00:08:34,329
I don't let the bank in here
and they own the place.
101
00:08:34,413 --> 00:08:37,364
Don't you take another step.
102
00:08:37,448 --> 00:08:38,793
Sic him, boy.
103
00:08:44,344 --> 00:08:47,295
Why don't you try to be
as smart as your dog, buddy.
104
00:08:47,379 --> 00:08:49,881
I've tried.
105
00:08:49,965 --> 00:08:51,896
It doesn't work.
106
00:09:01,344 --> 00:09:04,191
And this is a really remarkable story
107
00:09:04,275 --> 00:09:07,295
about a totally unremarkable man.
108
00:09:07,379 --> 00:09:10,053
A ruthless intruder broke into
109
00:09:10,137 --> 00:09:12,674
his shabby home in search of loot...
110
00:09:12,758 --> 00:09:16,984
But instead found one brave shoe salesman,
111
00:09:17,068 --> 00:09:21,226
who, for all of us, finally said, "No more."
112
00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:25,482
And that man is
Al "the Defender" Bundy.
113
00:09:33,827 --> 00:09:36,847
Hey, Mom, you think Dad can make
money off this whole thing?
114
00:09:36,931 --> 00:09:39,433
Honey, you heard what
your father said to the press.
115
00:09:39,517 --> 00:09:41,536
This was an act of pure heroism.
116
00:09:41,620 --> 00:09:44,571
Not to be cheapened by crass commercialism.
117
00:09:44,655 --> 00:09:48,517
And you know your father's
word is as good as his breath.
118
00:09:59,586 --> 00:10:01,433
Yes, yes, yes.
119
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:03,778
I am an American hero.
120
00:10:03,862 --> 00:10:06,053
And in the grand tradition
of American heroes,
121
00:10:06,137 --> 00:10:09,137
I will hawk more products than Bill Cosby.
122
00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:12,517
When he was hot.
123
00:10:14,724 --> 00:10:17,068
That could be the Jell-O pudding people.
124
00:10:19,482 --> 00:10:21,931
Oh, wait. What if it's a burglar?
125
00:10:32,724 --> 00:10:35,640
Then I'll answer it with this:
126
00:10:35,724 --> 00:10:38,053
Wait a second.
Burglars don't ring doorbells.
127
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:40,172
What if it's somebody for charity?
128
00:10:43,172 --> 00:10:45,000
Answer it with this.
129
00:10:47,827 --> 00:10:50,827
Hey, Al.
I saw you on television.
130
00:10:56,206 --> 00:10:58,674
But how can I put this delicately?
131
00:10:58,758 --> 00:11:01,551
You were as dull as women's golf.
132
00:11:02,793 --> 00:11:04,709
Well, but--
Look...
133
00:11:04,793 --> 00:11:07,778
I know that you're looking
for endorsements, you know.
134
00:11:07,862 --> 00:11:09,674
But, I mean, let's face the facts.
135
00:11:09,758 --> 00:11:13,191
You're limited by your
coarse and common look. So...
136
00:11:13,275 --> 00:11:16,984
We tell the advertisers that I'm Al Bundy.
137
00:11:17,068 --> 00:11:19,605
What company wouldn't
want me as their spokesman?
138
00:11:19,689 --> 00:11:22,053
I've got it all.
I'm the total package.
139
00:11:22,137 --> 00:11:24,482
I'm non-threatening, superficial...
140
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,241
I am the '90s, babe.
141
00:11:29,827 --> 00:11:32,896
Look, I even fit better with your family.
142
00:11:36,034 --> 00:11:39,260
You see how I can make anything look better?
143
00:11:39,344 --> 00:11:41,709
Oh, Al.
Take a picture.
144
00:11:41,793 --> 00:11:44,172
Mom will be so happy.
145
00:11:49,689 --> 00:11:50,916
Oh, hello, officer.
146
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,655
Did you mistake
our house for a doughnut shop?
147
00:12:01,206 --> 00:12:02,674
Obviously not.
148
00:12:02,758 --> 00:12:04,467
There's only one of me.
149
00:12:04,551 --> 00:12:06,034
You cops.
150
00:12:08,137 --> 00:12:11,433
Mr. Bundy, the guys down at the
station think you're great.
151
00:12:11,517 --> 00:12:14,881
In fact, we've ripped up
all your parking tickets.
152
00:12:14,965 --> 00:12:18,260
And we're covering up that little incident
153
00:12:18,344 --> 00:12:20,000
down at the nudie bar.
154
00:12:25,137 --> 00:12:26,812
But we got some bad news for you.
155
00:12:26,896 --> 00:12:28,019
That burglar got out on bail
156
00:12:28,103 --> 00:12:30,344
and he says he's coming to get you.
157
00:12:37,275 --> 00:12:39,433
Ah, let him come.
I'm not afraid of him.
158
00:12:39,517 --> 00:12:40,812
I took him when he had a crowbar,
159
00:12:40,896 --> 00:12:42,398
I'll take him now.
160
00:12:42,482 --> 00:12:44,571
What kind of weapon
has he got this time, a gun?
161
00:12:44,655 --> 00:12:46,916
More deadly.
162
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,916
A lawyer.
163
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,709
He says you attacked him.
164
00:12:50,793 --> 00:12:53,206
He's suing you for $50,000.
165
00:12:55,482 --> 00:12:57,034
Peg?
166
00:13:02,241 --> 00:13:05,260
Peg, I'm ready for court.
167
00:13:05,344 --> 00:13:06,364
Where are the kids?
168
00:13:06,448 --> 00:13:07,709
They're upstairs.
169
00:13:07,793 --> 00:13:09,674
Honey, they have a surprise for you.
170
00:13:09,758 --> 00:13:12,896
Kids! Come down and show Daddy!
171
00:13:21,965 --> 00:13:24,709
Kids, you don't know what this means to me.
172
00:13:24,793 --> 00:13:27,034
You never said that in public before.
173
00:13:28,620 --> 00:13:30,344
What do these things say, anyway?
174
00:13:32,413 --> 00:13:33,812
What difference does it make?
175
00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:36,448
The important thing is
it's gonna get us cars.
176
00:13:37,965 --> 00:13:40,640
Well, now, kids, that won't
come until after the trial.
177
00:13:40,724 --> 00:13:42,122
But don't worry about it.
178
00:13:42,206 --> 00:13:43,965
You know your dad's a winner.
179
00:13:49,965 --> 00:13:51,260
I'm warning you, Dad.
180
00:13:51,344 --> 00:13:54,053
Ever wanna see these shirts
again, get a good lawyer.
181
00:13:54,137 --> 00:13:56,778
What for?
It's cut and dry.
182
00:13:56,862 --> 00:14:00,122
Guy broke into my house.
I broke into his face.
183
00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:03,034
Simple. So simple a moron could defend me.
184
00:14:13,241 --> 00:14:15,965
Your Honour, I am here to defend my daddy.
185
00:14:19,413 --> 00:14:22,137
D is for "Daddy."
186
00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:25,586
A is for "Daddy."
187
00:14:27,517 --> 00:14:29,896
D is for "Daddy."
188
00:14:32,068 --> 00:14:33,502
Y is for "Daddy."
189
00:14:33,586 --> 00:14:35,916
I is for Daddy.
We is for Daddy.
190
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,655
The defence breasts.
191
00:14:42,586 --> 00:14:45,536
Your Honour, if there actually
is a valid lawsuit here
192
00:14:45,620 --> 00:14:47,674
it should be Bundy v.
The Board of Education
193
00:14:47,758 --> 00:14:50,172
because she actually graduated high school.
194
00:14:52,448 --> 00:14:55,260
Now, if you don't mind,
I will now fire my daughter
195
00:14:55,344 --> 00:14:58,536
and put my money on another idiot: Me.
196
00:14:58,620 --> 00:15:00,482
Objection stained.
197
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:04,640
Order in the court.
198
00:15:04,724 --> 00:15:06,068
I'll have a cheeseburger.
199
00:15:09,344 --> 00:15:12,502
I'm on trial, yet she walks free.
200
00:15:12,586 --> 00:15:16,605
Your Honour, I motion that this
case be thrown out of court
201
00:15:16,689 --> 00:15:19,122
so I can get money for my endorsement deals
202
00:15:19,206 --> 00:15:21,916
and give you whatever you
think is your fair share.
203
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:25,655
Mr. Bundy, I have a date with a prostitute.
204
00:15:27,310 --> 00:15:31,034
But there are certain procedures
that we must follow.
205
00:15:32,620 --> 00:15:34,571
The case of
Richard Johnson v. Al Bundy.
206
00:15:34,655 --> 00:15:37,743
Mr. Johnson's attorney, please proceed.
207
00:15:37,827 --> 00:15:39,364
Thank you, Your Honour.
208
00:15:39,448 --> 00:15:42,482
Look at my poor client's innocent face.
209
00:15:45,482 --> 00:15:49,605
An obviously sweet man who was
attacked by this animal.
210
00:15:49,689 --> 00:15:53,191
Verily, I feared for my life.
211
00:15:53,275 --> 00:15:54,916
Your Honour, if you're not touched by that
212
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,551
you're not the man
I slept with in law school.
213
00:16:03,724 --> 00:16:07,295
Gee, Al, it's really going great.
214
00:16:07,379 --> 00:16:09,019
Your Honour, I'd like you to take a look
215
00:16:09,103 --> 00:16:11,260
at exhibits A, B and C.
216
00:16:11,344 --> 00:16:15,379
The valuables that my client allegedly
stole from Mr. Bundy.
217
00:16:16,172 --> 00:16:18,502
A plastic clown.
218
00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:20,916
A vase in very poor taste.
219
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,620
And a copy of Big Uns.
220
00:16:27,379 --> 00:16:30,605
Your Honour, that was the
Christmas issue of Big Uns
221
00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:33,586
and they were all decorated for the holidays.
222
00:16:34,862 --> 00:16:38,157
He decorated them himself,
Your Honour.
223
00:16:38,241 --> 00:16:41,364
Your Honour, the issue here
is not how sick I am.
224
00:16:41,448 --> 00:16:44,881
The issue is that this man
broke into my house.
225
00:16:44,965 --> 00:16:46,778
Your Honour, how do we know that my client
226
00:16:46,862 --> 00:16:49,226
broke into
Mr. Bundy's house?
227
00:16:49,310 --> 00:16:50,640
Mr. Johnson...
228
00:16:50,724 --> 00:16:52,226
Did Mr. Bundy give any indication
229
00:16:52,310 --> 00:16:54,778
that he did not want you in his home?
230
00:16:54,862 --> 00:16:56,398
Quite to the contrary.
231
00:16:56,482 --> 00:17:00,206
He fondled by bottom with his bare hands.
232
00:17:01,793 --> 00:17:04,241
Is this true,
Mr. Bundy?
233
00:17:06,482 --> 00:17:10,068
Well, yes. Yes, I did.
But...
234
00:17:14,379 --> 00:17:15,433
I thought it was my wife.
235
00:17:15,517 --> 00:17:17,655
You should be so lucky.
236
00:17:19,448 --> 00:17:21,295
My wife's heinie puts yours to shame.
237
00:17:21,379 --> 00:17:23,088
And so does mine,
I might add.
238
00:17:23,172 --> 00:17:25,620
That's not the story your hand told me.
239
00:17:26,689 --> 00:17:30,674
So, this is what you do while I'm asleep.
240
00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:35,053
Al, I want you to answer me
this and answer me right now.
241
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:38,398
Did this man get my warm milk too?
242
00:17:38,482 --> 00:17:41,344
Peg, I swear I didn't feed
him. I only felt him.
243
00:17:44,034 --> 00:17:47,053
Are you gonna see him again?
244
00:17:47,137 --> 00:17:50,743
Your Honour, these people
obviously deserve their fate.
245
00:17:50,827 --> 00:17:52,984
But my client does not.
246
00:17:53,068 --> 00:17:56,088
So he had a few items
that didn't belong to him.
247
00:17:56,172 --> 00:17:58,827
Perhaps he's a congressman.
248
00:18:00,206 --> 00:18:01,847
Or perhaps they were love gifts
249
00:18:01,931 --> 00:18:04,724
from the man who used him
and then threw him out.
250
00:18:06,344 --> 00:18:09,536
I just know he got my milk.
251
00:18:09,620 --> 00:18:13,674
What we're looking at here,
Your Honour, is an animal.
252
00:18:13,758 --> 00:18:15,916
Not like the gentle creatures
we know and love
253
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:20,260
from Born Free or the
timeless Lady and the Tramp
254
00:18:20,344 --> 00:18:23,398
but rather, a ferocious beast,
totally out of control.
255
00:18:23,482 --> 00:18:26,260
Mr. Bundy, what if a Girl
Scout came by selling cookies?
256
00:18:26,344 --> 00:18:28,433
Would you have kicked her in the face?
257
00:18:28,517 --> 00:18:30,517
I would, and have.
258
00:18:35,137 --> 00:18:39,329
We're asking for $50,000
in compensation, Your Honour.
259
00:18:39,413 --> 00:18:42,502
Not just for the medical costs
incurred by my client,
260
00:18:42,586 --> 00:18:46,467
but for the mental stress that
my client is going through.
261
00:18:46,551 --> 00:18:48,862
Let's hear it in his own words.
262
00:18:51,344 --> 00:18:52,778
"My life is in a..."
263
00:18:52,862 --> 00:18:54,605
Shambles.
"Shambles."
264
00:18:54,689 --> 00:18:58,778
"I am now afraid
to break into people's homes.
265
00:18:58,862 --> 00:19:01,881
"My career as a burglar
may well have been cut short
266
00:19:01,965 --> 00:19:05,467
"while still in the prime of my life.
267
00:19:05,551 --> 00:19:08,847
"I can no longer look at my own behind
268
00:19:08,931 --> 00:19:10,344
"with child-like innocence.
269
00:19:12,206 --> 00:19:16,448
But 50,000 bucks will help a lot."
270
00:19:17,827 --> 00:19:20,571
We rest our case.
271
00:19:20,655 --> 00:19:23,260
Mr. Bundy, your statement, please.
272
00:19:23,344 --> 00:19:25,778
Your Honour...
273
00:19:25,862 --> 00:19:28,433
Even a man of obvious limited intelligence
274
00:19:28,517 --> 00:19:31,881
as yourself can judge this case.
275
00:19:31,965 --> 00:19:36,260
I have been in court on
a thousand trumped-up charges.
276
00:19:36,344 --> 00:19:38,984
Some real, some imagined.
277
00:19:39,068 --> 00:19:42,467
The point is,
I lost all of them.
278
00:19:42,551 --> 00:19:43,847
I don't know the law,
279
00:19:43,931 --> 00:19:46,571
nor do I really know how to pleasure a woman.
280
00:19:46,655 --> 00:19:49,467
I have no interest in either.
281
00:19:49,551 --> 00:19:52,241
But let me ask you one important question:
282
00:19:53,862 --> 00:19:57,984
How did we become a great country?
283
00:19:58,068 --> 00:20:00,398
By kicking the heinies of anybody
284
00:20:00,482 --> 00:20:02,103
who threatened our borders.
285
00:20:06,344 --> 00:20:08,295
And that's what
I was doing.
286
00:20:08,379 --> 00:20:11,260
I was protecting my border.
287
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:13,226
A man comes into my house...
288
00:20:13,310 --> 00:20:16,620
He better be carrying a summons or a pizza.
289
00:20:18,758 --> 00:20:20,571
But this man wasn't...
290
00:20:20,655 --> 00:20:23,226
So I called in the Marines...
291
00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:25,413
And the 51st Airborne.
292
00:20:28,862 --> 00:20:31,847
So in conclusion,
Your Honour...
293
00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:33,950
If you rule against me...
294
00:20:34,034 --> 00:20:38,226
You rule against every man
who fought for his country.
295
00:20:38,310 --> 00:20:41,743
The boys at San Juan Hill
and the boys at Iwo Jima.
296
00:20:41,827 --> 00:20:46,053
Audie Murphy, Eddie Murphy,
Murphy Brown...
297
00:20:46,137 --> 00:20:49,053
Brown-and-serve sausage...
298
00:20:49,137 --> 00:20:50,916
The cheap brown shoes that every working man
299
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,191
is proud to use...
300
00:20:53,275 --> 00:20:56,758
To kick the heinie of any man
who invades his home.
301
00:21:05,241 --> 00:21:08,586
Your Honour,
I await your decision.
302
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,260
Guilty.
303
00:21:11,344 --> 00:21:13,916
Of course, of course.
304
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:17,103
The court rules you should
pay $50,000 to this man.
305
00:21:20,206 --> 00:21:23,674
I'm going to Disneyland.
306
00:21:23,758 --> 00:21:26,191
So for hitting this guy
I get charged $50,000
307
00:21:26,275 --> 00:21:27,881
which I don't have?
308
00:21:27,965 --> 00:21:30,103
Well, hell, I may as well go for a hundred.
309
00:21:45,034 --> 00:21:46,881
Oh, Al, you did it.
310
00:21:46,965 --> 00:21:48,329
I'm so proud of you.
311
00:21:48,413 --> 00:21:50,847
The system finally came through for us.
312
00:21:50,931 --> 00:21:54,206
Yeah, I sued him for hurting
my hand on his face.
313
00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:58,881
Claimed I can't sell shoes.
314
00:21:58,965 --> 00:22:01,068
As if you ever could.
315
00:22:05,275 --> 00:22:07,034
But I can still do this.
316
00:22:11,793 --> 00:22:14,655
As if you ever could.
317
00:22:50,862 --> 00:22:53,551
Where is my damn cheeseburger?
23138
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