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1
00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:19,180
Oh, baby, that's so good.
2
00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:21,982
I never knew it could be like this.
3
00:01:22,149 --> 00:01:24,251
- Al.
- Peg.
4
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,353
- Al.
- Peg.
5
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,189
Al.
6
00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:30,291
Peg, shut up, will you?
7
00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:32,393
I'm trying to sleep.
8
00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:37,465
Oh, Al, I had the most wonderful dream.
9
00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:40,000
We were having sex.
10
00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:41,669
Actually, I shouldn't say "we."
11
00:01:41,836 --> 00:01:43,671
You weren't there.
12
00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:46,807
Oh, yeah?
Then why were you calling, "Al"?
13
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:49,643
I wanted you to see how it was done.
14
00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:56,350
Mommy, I can't sleep.
Read me a story.
15
00:01:56,684 --> 00:01:59,053
Hop on in. Come on, honey.
16
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:01,755
Good boy. There we go.
17
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:04,191
Peg, where am I supposed to sleep?
18
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:07,695
You know, this is why I always said
we should have a stable.
19
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:11,665
That would be like an invitation
for your mother to come stay with us.
20
00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:13,267
You know, a place with straw...
21
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:16,136
...And a nice gate she can rest her breasts on.
22
00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:22,109
Well, I guess I'll have to go
to the only place I can truly call home.
23
00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:33,187
Honey, you just make yourself
nice and snugly...
24
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:35,689
...And Mommy's gonna find you a story.
25
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:40,661
Oh, well, I can't read you that.
26
00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,998
Oh, I've been looking for this.
27
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,368
How did that get in there?
28
00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:50,404
Oh, here's something.
29
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:52,840
How about a nice pirate story?
30
00:02:53,007 --> 00:02:56,343
It's very exciting.
A Ship Called Passion.
31
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:59,046
Does it have a lot of action and stuff?
32
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:02,249
Oh, yes, it does.
33
00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:05,653
As a matter of fact, I was reading it
before I went to bed...
34
00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:09,056
...And I had a very nice sleep.
35
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:11,926
Now, let's see here. Okay.
36
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:14,194
"The beautiful Princess Scarlet...
37
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,130
...Looked o'er the bounding main...
38
00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:19,900
...As she sailed from her father's
realm to meet her betrothed...
39
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:22,269
...Prince Paco the Magnificent...
40
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:24,271
...For the very first time.
41
00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:27,975
The blue waves
lapped gently against the shore--"
42
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,052
A little problem, Peg.
43
00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:49,897
This is a job for old Betsy.
44
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:52,533
Why do all plungers have girls' names, Al?
45
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:55,469
Because the caveman used to hold
their women by the feet...
46
00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:57,304
...For a job like this.
47
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:01,175
All right. Now, where were we?
48
00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:03,744
"As day broke over Madagascar...
49
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:06,213
...So did the heart of Princess Scarlet...
50
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:11,452
...For her ship was taken
by the vile pirate, Captain Courage."
51
00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:19,460
The voluptuous vixen was a prisoner...
52
00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:22,262
...Not of love, but of evil.
53
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:25,265
If only they were better-looking.
54
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:28,502
Unhand me, you ruthless rapscallions.
55
00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:30,270
You'll pay dearly for this.
56
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:33,440
My betrothed,
Prince Paco the Magnificent...
57
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:36,276
...Will have your social-disease-ridden hides.
58
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:38,979
Now, where is your captain,
that I may spit in his eye?
59
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:41,849
Where he goes after every great conquest:
60
00:04:42,016 --> 00:04:45,252
To be alone to work on the captain's log.
61
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,736
It is I, Captain Courage.
62
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:06,306
I had to swing in
because it's wet back there.
63
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:09,910
Where is the cabin boy?
64
00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:16,283
How may I serve you, sir?
65
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,419
You can swab the deck in my quarters...
66
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:21,522
...Ye of cropped hair and dubious sexuality.
67
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:25,959
Aye, aye, sir.
But I seem to have lost my mop.
68
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:29,163
May I use your nose hairs as bristles?
69
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:33,767
Mock me if you will, oh, cabin boy-girl.
70
00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:37,504
Now, go, before I make you walk the plank.
71
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:40,774
Or should I say, walk yourself?
72
00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:45,345
I sense you are threatened by my androgyny.
73
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:49,049
Perhaps it is that encounter that you
had with your strange uncle pirate...
74
00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:50,517
...That haunteth you.
75
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:55,322
I am not gay.
76
00:05:56,957 --> 00:06:00,227
Any man can
live with his mother till he's 40.
77
00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:02,229
Captain...
78
00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:05,599
...The men would like a shot at Big Red.
79
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:08,302
Please, no.
80
00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:10,871
Not now, Wilbur.
81
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:14,641
Methinks that Scarlet will bring
a bigger ransom as a virgin.
82
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:20,681
But these wenches are fair game.
83
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:24,351
And as usual, the first choice
goes to my first mate...
84
00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:26,787
...Floovio the Handsome.
Ho, Floovio.
85
00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:29,389
Hello, me pretties.
86
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:40,000
It's time to partake of a hot flagon
of Floovio. You there.
87
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:45,105
How would you like to play a game
of Hide the Hooters with Floovio?
88
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,776
Come, wenches.
89
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:51,411
Kiss me or kiss the sharks.
90
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:08,162
Floovio, how many times do I have
to tell you? Don't give them a choice.
91
00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:10,097
Let us flee these waters...
92
00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:13,567
...Infested by my mortal enemy,
Rubio the Cruel.
93
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,569
We'll sail for our hideaway...
94
00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:19,139
...Where girls do our wishes
for bags filled with fishes.
95
00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:22,810
Where is the ship's navigator?
96
00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:24,845
Here, Captain Daddy.
97
00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,252
I was playing fetch with Long John Buck...
98
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:34,288
...And I forgot we were at sea.
99
00:07:40,194 --> 00:07:43,831
Navigator, we're sailing
to our hideout. Do your job.
100
00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:46,266
Okey-dokey, Captain Daddy.
101
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:50,270
Now, in case of an emergency,
please use the exits clearly marked...
102
00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:53,140
...On the port and starboard sides of the ship.
103
00:07:53,307 --> 00:07:55,242
And in case of a water landing...
104
00:07:55,409 --> 00:07:57,711
...Floovio has many
delightful flotation devices...
105
00:07:57,878 --> 00:07:59,880
...Already blown up in his cabin.
106
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:07,554
But please, don't grab their chests,
for the plastic is wearing thin.
107
00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:15,529
Scarlet felt despair
creep over her body like the fog...
108
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:17,965
...Or was that Black Bob?
109
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,236
"Either way, she held firm...
110
00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:25,606
...Saving her purity for Paco the Magnificent."
111
00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:28,775
It's worse than I thought in there.
112
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,311
It got old Betsy.
113
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:40,487
This is a job for old Betsy's mother...
114
00:08:41,822 --> 00:08:43,757
...Real old Betsy.
115
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,129
I'm going in.
116
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:53,367
This time, it's personal.
117
00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:00,741
Okay.
118
00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:05,679
"Later that day, as the welcoming sun
caressed the curvaceous princess...
119
00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:09,449
...She found herself alone
with Captain Courage."
120
00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:12,619
I wanted to hate that man
and his rascal ways...
121
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:15,689
...But after a while,
I discovered something about him:
122
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:20,661
A zest for life, a je ne sais quoi
that was hard to resist.
123
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:36,109
The days became endless
and I became dizzy with wonder.
124
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:37,544
Where was I?
125
00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:40,347
Where was Prince Paco, my fearless rescuer?
126
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:44,284
Where was the Domino's Pizza ship?
127
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:47,854
Thirty days or less, my ass.
128
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,163
My senses were reeling.
129
00:09:56,330 --> 00:10:00,100
On the ship of madness,
I yearned for a voice of reason.
130
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,169
Land ho!
131
00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:03,937
Funny-looking land.
132
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:07,407
Made of wood, sails, oars.
133
00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:10,310
Oh, and a big steering thing, just like us.
134
00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:17,551
My goof. It was a ship.
135
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:22,055
Then, as I looked up,
something golden struck my eye.
136
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,757
I thought it was the sun...
137
00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:27,894
...But it was the golden mane
of Prince Paco the Magnificent.
138
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,173
Damn wind.
139
00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:50,817
You there, find the dastardly
Captain Courage...
140
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:54,654
...And bring him here that he might pay
for abducting my bride-to-be...
141
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:57,924
...And causing me this uneven tan.
142
00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:00,894
Though he did not know who I was...
143
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,096
...He was drawn to me like magic.
144
00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:10,537
By your fiery hair and your bodacious frame...
145
00:11:10,704 --> 00:11:15,008
...You could be the only one
to tell me where my fair Scarlet is.
146
00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:19,746
Tis I, you hunka hunka burning hair.
147
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,649
I am your fair Scarlet.
148
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:27,687
Well, I guess I could handle you.
149
00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:30,724
Many have died trying.
150
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:33,293
That's why I'm still a virgin.
151
00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:36,630
But let's give it a go.
152
00:11:37,431 --> 00:11:39,132
Watch it, now.
153
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:41,802
How dare you disturb me
while I was perusing my copy...
154
00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:44,438
...Of Seagoing C-Cups.
155
00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:48,375
Prince Paco, sir, may I remind you
you have a 3:00 at the beauty parlor.
156
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:50,210
Set sail!
157
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,512
We are deep in the waters of Rubio the Cruel...
158
00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:55,482
...Who would stop at nothing
to cop our precious cargo.
159
00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:59,953
And soon...
Soon we shall kill this Philistine...
160
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,255
...In a manner befitting the way he lives.
161
00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:06,593
Nothing will bother me as long as you
do not take me away from the sea...
162
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,029
...And saddle me with a wife
that doth not work...
163
00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:11,431
...And kids that whilst not leave the ship.
164
00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:15,335
How about we cut off your head
and feed it to the maggots?
165
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,671
Better.
166
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:29,416
With the dangerous Captain Courage
tied to the mast...
167
00:12:29,583 --> 00:12:31,451
...And Paco by my side...
168
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:35,021
...The threat of Rubio the Cruel
seemed far away.
169
00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:37,424
My prince bared his soul to me.
170
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:41,461
He could talk for hours
about his deepest passions.
171
00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,697
I'm a natural blond.
172
00:12:45,699 --> 00:12:48,835
It's really healthy. No split ends.
173
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:53,473
All it takes is a hundred strokes
a day. That's the ticket.
174
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,342
One, two...
175
00:12:55,509 --> 00:12:58,211
What woman wouldn't want this man?
176
00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:01,348
But if he was truly the man of my dreams...
177
00:13:01,515 --> 00:13:03,717
...Why was I haunted by memories...
178
00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:07,621
...Of my days and nights of Captain Courage?
179
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:40,453
But still, I was promised to Prince Paco.
180
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,255
I couldn't break his heart.
181
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:45,058
It was obvious he loved me so.
182
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,032
Hey, Floovio.
183
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,670
Boy, I sure would like some of that.
184
00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:58,538
What is it?
185
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:02,409
It is the cabin boy-girl, sir.
186
00:14:02,909 --> 00:14:06,880
Oh, I am smitten by that boyish kitten.
187
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,282
Ahoy, cabin boy.
188
00:14:09,449 --> 00:14:13,119
I am strangely attracted to you
and your dubious sexuality.
189
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:18,592
And I to you and your easy,
pretty-boy manner.
190
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:22,662
So let me remove all doubt
and prove to you that I'm no boy.
191
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:35,709
How?
192
00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:46,686
Look closer, you idiot!
193
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,159
Land ho!
194
00:14:58,164 --> 00:15:00,734
I hope this doesn't come out of my paycheck.
195
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:03,803
It was him, the demon of the seas...
196
00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:05,272
...The dagger of deceit...
197
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:08,275
...The hardest-working pirate
in show business...
198
00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:10,477
...Rubio the Cruel.
199
00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:28,828
Ahoy, me mates.
It is I, Rubio the Cruel.
200
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,102
But enough good cheer.
201
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:41,007
Men, hide your women.
Women, hide your heinies.
202
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:43,643
For I'll bring you the unique
musical styling...
203
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:45,945
...Of Rubio the Cruel.
204
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,380
Rubettes!
205
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:30,957
Now we all know
why he's called Rubio the Cruel.
206
00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:43,303
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
207
00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:45,305
You've been a wonderful audience...
208
00:16:45,472 --> 00:16:48,975
...But now it's time to kill some people
and marry the princess.
209
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,378
Any objections, you seagoing weenie?
210
00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:56,383
Kill him, Paco. Rip his guts out.
211
00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:58,852
Show him what I mean to you, baby.
212
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:02,722
I would, but I'm wearing my good clothes.
213
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:07,994
Besides, I am strangely attracted to this.
214
00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:10,997
This girl. This girl.
215
00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:13,233
Who wants to see?
216
00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:17,837
Prepare my virgin.
217
00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:30,717
Not that one.
I haven't been at sea that long.
218
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:35,555
I meant the red goddess.
219
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,223
You're not taking me anywhere.
220
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,392
I'm not gonna spend one moment with you.
221
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:42,695
Not with that voice
and that limited repertoire.
222
00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:10,557
Who's next?
223
00:18:26,172 --> 00:18:29,642
Now, nothing will stop me from
marrying you, collecting your dowry...
224
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:32,011
...Having my way with you and killing you.
225
00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:34,514
Not necessarily in that order.
226
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:38,284
Can this be my fate?
227
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:43,022
Married to a man who would butcher
both me and Gilbert and Sullivan?
228
00:18:43,857 --> 00:18:46,459
Only one could save me...
229
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,428
...But he wasn't here.
230
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:52,765
Captain, save me, and I will be your woman.
231
00:18:52,932 --> 00:18:56,402
The sea and my girlie magazines are my woman.
232
00:18:57,237 --> 00:18:59,973
Yes, but can the sea and your magazines...
233
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,841
...Cook and clean for you?
234
00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:05,111
I will. I just love that stuff.
235
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:06,613
Yeah?
236
00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:08,548
And are you really a virgin?
237
00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:12,151
As sure as I love cooking and cleaning.
238
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:16,122
Well, what about kids?
I don't want no kids.
239
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:17,991
You don't have to worry about that.
240
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,059
I'll be too busy earning us a living...
241
00:19:20,226 --> 00:19:23,129
...And bringing you kegs of ale
to have children.
242
00:19:23,296 --> 00:19:26,199
Scarlet, you is my woman.
243
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:29,669
I can't break these chains.
244
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:31,771
Cabin boy-girl, come.
245
00:19:31,938 --> 00:19:33,406
Show him your bosoms.
246
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:45,051
Verily, your flatness saved the day.
247
00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:49,022
Floovio, my blade.
248
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:51,658
Cruel, hold on now.
249
00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:54,861
If you want this woman,
you must go through me.
250
00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:59,265
Let's rock.
251
00:21:15,141 --> 00:21:17,176
You're making me look bad
in front of my woman.
252
00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:20,680
At least she doesn't have to
look at the bits of corn in your teeth.
253
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,750
That corn is my teeth.
254
00:21:25,718 --> 00:21:27,186
For that, you die.
255
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:28,821
You fool.
256
00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:32,558
I was taught to fight by the greatest
teachers in the finest schools.
257
00:21:32,725 --> 00:21:35,128
Yeah? Well, I was taught how to fight
in the street.
258
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:54,647
And Princess Scarlet
lived happily ever after.
259
00:21:55,415 --> 00:21:59,719
He, on the other hand,
was not interesting ever again.
260
00:22:03,022 --> 00:22:05,124
Get up, honey. Now go to bed.
261
00:22:05,291 --> 00:22:06,826
Good boy. Go on.
262
00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:13,232
Take me, Captain Courage!
263
00:22:13,399 --> 00:22:14,667
Who?
264
00:22:14,834 --> 00:22:16,536
Why?
265
00:22:16,703 --> 00:22:19,072
Peg, no!
20327
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