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1
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:32,760
So this is where they work the magic
that makes you look 55.
2
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:37,465
- Just stand still, Al.
- What? What?
3
00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:40,901
I'm trimming your nose hairs.
4
00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:45,306
You know, you have to keep them nice
and even or you'll get split ends.
5
00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:48,242
All right, honey, give me money
and get out of here.
6
00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:50,678
I can't possibly relax with you around.
7
00:01:50,845 --> 00:01:54,448
Besides, I don't bother you at work.
Don't bother me here.
8
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:57,418
Oh, that's what you call it now, Peg, "work"?
9
00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:01,622
Al, my job is to look good and feel good.
10
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:04,525
You know how soft I am.
11
00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:07,495
Well, actually, you don't.
12
00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:11,465
But I know how soft I am,
and believe me, I'm a delight.
13
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:14,468
Oh, excuse me here.
I want to prepay.
14
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:18,939
How much for the 100,000-mile overhaul?
15
00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:22,243
While you're working on her,
can I get a loaner?
16
00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:26,313
You got anything in the back
that has that new-hooter smell?
17
00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:29,817
Just pay the man and baboon away to work.
18
00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:33,420
- That'll be $300, sir.
- Three hundred dollars!
19
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:36,957
She didn't cost that much when she was new.
20
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:39,593
I'm gonna see what people pay $300 for.
21
00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:45,299
Great Caesar's ghost!
22
00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:47,701
And I mean that, literally.
23
00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:53,307
Well, now, this one's a little more
reasonable. A dollar a chin.
24
00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:56,310
You people ought to be ashamed of yourself.
25
00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:59,914
Who but a woman would spend time
in a place like this?
26
00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:02,483
Hi, Al.
27
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:07,755
- Hey, how about those Bulls.
- They'll be all right. They got Jordan.
28
00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:11,492
No, no, not them. I'm talking about
those two under the dryers.
29
00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:18,566
- What are you doing here?
- I'm getting the macho package.
30
00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:22,970
You know, the hair, nails and facial.
We call it the Bogie.
31
00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:28,275
I mean, I'm a topless dancer and the
smoke in the bar can wreak havoc...
32
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:31,378
...With the pH balance of my hair and my skin.
33
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:37,384
Oh, once the hair and the skin goes--
Well, I don't have to tell you.
34
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,487
I've seen about enough.
35
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:42,323
Peg.
36
00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:44,992
I'm going where a man belongs.
37
00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:49,697
Crouched on his knees in front
of a fat woman, selling her shoes.
38
00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:54,401
Rolling back the flesh of the ankle,
trying to find the foot.
39
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:58,072
Who cries for my pH balance,
Argentina?
40
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,808
All right. There you go.
Do what you can with her...
41
00:04:00,975 --> 00:04:05,079
...And what you can't fix
just slap a coat of paint on.
42
00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:15,756
Oh, God, I hope he never finds out
that half this money is legally his.
43
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:19,293
Of course I should get more.
I mean, I gave everything to him...
44
00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:21,862
...Including my virginity.
45
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:24,932
Hello, girls.
46
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,002
There we go.
47
00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:32,439
When did you start drawing?
48
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:36,744
Oh, about an hour after
my pulsating showerhead broke.
49
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:38,746
A woman's gotta have something.
50
00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:41,448
Of course, Al has given me no encouragement.
51
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:44,418
Not even when I drew him
a picture of his favorite dinner...
52
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:46,487
...And left it on the table.
53
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:50,824
He ate it and said, "Next time, draw it hot."
54
00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:55,129
I swear, these men just think
that our lives are one big ball.
55
00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:57,297
You know, we are so unappreciated.
56
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:59,366
Now, take Marcie.
She's always complaining:
57
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,535
"Why isn't my dinner ready when I come home?"
58
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:04,338
Hey, because I'm busy, bitch!
59
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:12,012
Mr. Jeffy. Mr. Jeffy.
60
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:14,648
Antoine.
61
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:17,151
Can you fit me in for a 3:00 massage today?
62
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:21,488
Well, I do have a 3:00 appointment,
but let her stew.
63
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:25,993
Yeah, besides,
most women come after me anyway.
64
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,330
I'm really gonna miss Antoine.
65
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:33,067
I heard he joined the Marines.
66
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,972
Hi, everyone.
67
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:42,142
I'm Antoine's 3:00.
Is he ready for me?
68
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,912
I'm sorry, but Antoine
is backed up right now.
69
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:51,385
So I'm shunted aside for some
damn blond hussy, no doubt.
70
00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:54,988
That damn Antoine.
I have had it with his mood swings.
71
00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:59,493
- I'll tell Antoine you're displeased.
- Oh, no, no, no. Please.
72
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:04,631
I've already had two warnings.
One more complaint and I'm out.
73
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,767
I'll wait like a good girl.
74
00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:10,537
Hi, Peggy.
75
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:14,808
God, what's that horrible smell?
76
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:17,578
I have Al's wallet.
77
00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:22,716
Great. Now I can find out whose face
is on the $100,000 bill.
78
00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:27,554
- So, what's new?
- Well, Bertha just lost 35 pounds...
79
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:30,891
...On that
eat-nothing-bigger-than-your-head diet.
80
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:37,765
Peggy, that drawing is great.
81
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:39,700
It's Al.
82
00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:42,770
Look how she's got the hunch just right.
83
00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:46,173
And those taters growing out of his ears.
84
00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:50,778
They go so well with the gravy
under his arms.
85
00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:54,181
It is perfect, Peggy.
86
00:06:54,481 --> 00:06:57,851
Look how you made his socks
kill all the flowers.
87
00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:01,655
You know, I just can't get over this.
88
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:05,893
It's so real, the drawing needs a shower.
89
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,928
It should be in a magazine.
You know...
90
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:10,464
...There's a new woman's magazine
just starting...
91
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:14,601
...That came into my bank for a loan.
I bet I can get them to use this.
92
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,004
What are you gonna call your new cartoon?
93
00:07:17,171 --> 00:07:21,108
Well, how about
Mr. Can't-Hit-the-Toilet?
94
00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:24,778
That could be any man.
Be more specific.
95
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:27,281
How about:
Mr. Al-Can't-Hit-the-Toilet?
96
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:30,551
Eat your cone, Bertha.
97
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:33,120
Does it need a title?
98
00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:37,090
I mean, just looking at him is enough
to make you laugh.
99
00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:49,903
You know, Peg, you have the look of a
woman who just swallowed a canary.
100
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:52,806
Bertha, you have the look of a woman
who swallowed a cow...
101
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,875
...Who swallowed a canary.
102
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,612
And, Marcie...
103
00:07:59,213 --> 00:08:01,315
...You look like a chicken.
104
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,554
Enough charm.
What happened to my wallet?
105
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:09,790
- You took it, didn't you?
- Of course I did.
106
00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:13,961
Who else but your wife would go
near the back of your pants?
107
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,863
I thought we had an agreement.
108
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:18,065
Ever since I got deported to Mexico...
109
00:08:18,232 --> 00:08:21,535
...You promised to at least leave me
with a picture ID.
110
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,904
- Did something happen, Al?
- Well, I--
111
00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:27,274
I don't wanna ruin it for you.
It'll be on TV tonight.
112
00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:31,545
It seems that the TV show Cops
was filming in Chicago.
113
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:34,181
They have that new
oversized graphite nightstick...
114
00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,850
...You know, with the bigger sweet spot?
115
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,620
They've been waiting
to try it on anybody bold enough...
116
00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:43,056
...To stop in the middle of the street
and cry, "My wallet's missing."
117
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:45,926
I'm on right after Todd Bridges.
Nice kid, by the way.
118
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,897
So, Peg, if it's not too much trouble...
119
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,366
...Don't ever leave me with empty pants again.
120
00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:55,736
That's it.
121
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:58,138
Al just named my cartoon.
122
00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:01,642
Mr. Empty-Pants.
123
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,214
Hi, Peggy.
124
00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:10,217
Here's the latest edition of
Modern Gal Weekly.
125
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:12,386
Mr. Empty-Pants is a smash.
126
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:15,856
- I hope you don't run out of material.
- Oh, not a chance.
127
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:18,892
The only thing that separates Al
from an actual cartoon...
128
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,661
...Is that he has a thumb.
129
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:26,099
Oh, wonder how he feels
being portrayed as Mr. Empty-Pants.
130
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:30,871
Gee, you think
I should have told him?
131
00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:33,907
Oh, what for. Al will never find out.
132
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:37,611
He wouldn't read a magazine
that has "woman" in the title.
133
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:41,181
Unless, of course, the O had
a little nipple in the center.
134
00:09:44,651 --> 00:09:47,054
Oh, great. Women are talking.
135
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:49,890
I guess you folks are wondering
why I don't leave.
136
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:53,260
Well, my head is stuck and I can't get out.
137
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:06,673
Peg, everywhere I go, people
are pointing at me and laughing.
138
00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:11,011
That can't be a recent thing.
139
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:12,679
Let me finish.
140
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:15,983
Now they're call me
Mr. Empty-Pants.
141
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:20,754
Is that some kind of new, hip,
rap term, you know, for "full pants"?
142
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:24,324
You know, sort of like how bad
means good, and this means that.
143
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:28,028
That's all, folks.
144
00:10:28,695 --> 00:10:29,830
Hey.
145
00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:32,399
Hey. What you doing, Peg?
146
00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:39,639
Look at that guy standing in dog doody.
147
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,308
Bird's doinking doody on his head...
148
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:45,312
...And then the others birds on them
branches coming out of his nose.
149
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:49,950
Boy, life really kicked the hell
out of him, huh? What a loser.
150
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,686
Who is he?
151
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:55,889
Hey, now, wait a minute.
152
00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:59,960
Those sweat stains, that beaten look,
that dumb expression...
153
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:01,995
...That's Bud.
154
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,832
Peg. That's great.
155
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,802
Does the boy know you're
making fun of him? I won't tell him.
156
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:11,505
- It's just our little secret.
- It's you, Al.
157
00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:15,942
Me?
158
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:18,345
That ain't funny.
159
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:21,715
I don't wanna be Mr. Empty-Pants.
160
00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:23,283
Peg, you've ruined me.
161
00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:25,185
Al, you're a shoe salesman.
162
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:28,188
How can you ruin a shoe salesman?
163
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:31,024
It's like dropping dirt on dirt.
164
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:34,227
Besides, it's just a little local
woman's magazine.
165
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:37,330
So a few people recognize you
on the street and laugh.
166
00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:40,200
If Martha Raye and Joe Piscopo
can live with it...
167
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,803
...Then so can you.
168
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:48,442
Besides, most people don't even know
it's you. Just relax and watch TV.
169
00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:51,912
And on the local scene,
a comic-strip character...
170
00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:54,781
...Called Mr. Empty-Pants, that started out...
171
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:58,518
...In a small area publication,
is catching on nationwide.
172
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:01,455
It's about a hapless loser
who just can't get it done.
173
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:07,160
News Team 56 has found out that
Mr. Empty-Pants is, in fact...
174
00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:11,064
...A local shoe salesman
by the name of Al Bundy.
175
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:17,871
- Are you happy now?
- Not yet.
176
00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:21,842
The cartoon was drawn by
a local woman, Peggy Bundy.
177
00:12:22,008 --> 00:12:24,244
Now I'm happy!
178
00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:35,388
{\an8}Look, there's Mr. Empty-Pants!
179
00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:38,325
Hey, Empty, my man.
180
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:48,902
Al, can't you handle the fame?
181
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:52,205
I mean, they still call
Carroll O'Connor "Archie."
182
00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:54,608
They still call that Winky guy "the Fonz."
183
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:58,512
And, you know, they still call
the fat girls on The Facts of Life...
184
00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:01,448
..."The fat girls on The Facts of Life."
185
00:13:01,882 --> 00:13:03,016
Oh, come on, honey.
186
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:06,987
How could you not get some joy out
of a busload of Japanese tourists...
187
00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:12,225
...Taking pictures and screaming out,
"Me rike Empty Pants"?
188
00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:18,431
Well, they found out my pants weren't
so empty when I mooned them.
189
00:13:24,538 --> 00:13:27,641
That ought to pay them back for Pearl Harbor.
190
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:36,082
Daddy, I'm glad you're home.
191
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,986
You're sad because people
are laughing at you, aren't you?
192
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:42,222
Yes.
193
00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:44,291
Well, that and...
194
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:49,229
...Because I married your mother.
195
00:13:49,396 --> 00:13:51,865
Well, I think that it's the name
that's hurting you.
196
00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:56,570
You're embarrassed because people
are calling you Mr. Dirty-Pants.
197
00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:58,538
No, it's Empty Pants.
198
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:03,043
That would mean a total absence of genitalia.
199
00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:07,314
Anyway, I just think that you're taking
the totally wrong attitude on this.
200
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,316
I mean, you're like the pessimist...
201
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:13,420
...Who looks at his pants
and thinks they're half-empty.
202
00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:17,023
You should be more like the optometrist...
203
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:21,261
...Who looks at his pants
and thinks they're half-full.
204
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:24,598
Get her out of here, Peg. Right now.
205
00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:28,335
Honey, why don't you go downtown
to the Hall of Records...
206
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:30,904
...And find out what our address is.
207
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:34,107
Okey-dokey.
208
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:36,443
I'm tired of going down there.
209
00:14:36,610 --> 00:14:40,313
This time, I'm gonna write it next to
the numbers on the front of the house.
210
00:14:42,182 --> 00:14:45,318
Anyway, Daddy, if it helps any,
when I'm feeling down...
211
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:48,655
...I just think of this little poem,
and it always cheers me up.
212
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:53,560
Once upon a midnight dreary
As I wandered, weak and weary
213
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:57,097
Quoth the raven "Demi Moore."
214
00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:01,234
Edgar Bergen Poe.
215
00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:11,344
"Miss Empty-Head" didn't cross
your mind, did it?
216
00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:12,746
Can't you be happy?
217
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:15,048
For years, you've been absolutely nothing.
218
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:17,717
And now, you're the man behind the woman.
219
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:21,288
I always stand behind you, Peg.
It's cooler in the summer.
220
00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:25,659
Well, Al, I have a bit of news
that just might cheer you up.
221
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:27,527
What? Spotted owls swooped down...
222
00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:30,196
...And pecked the eyes out
of some environmentalists?
223
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:31,531
No.
224
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:35,035
I have decided it is time
for Mr. Empty-Pants...
225
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:36,936
...To finally break his silence.
226
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:40,473
Now, it has to be something special.
Short but memorable.
227
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,275
A signature if you will.
228
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,610
So come on, honey...
229
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:47,213
...Be like Homer Simpson and "d'oh."
230
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:52,052
I'm not a cartoon.
I'm almost a human being, damn it.
231
00:15:52,686 --> 00:15:54,621
I want you to stop writing
Mr. Empty-Pants.
232
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:57,991
As a matter of fact,
I'm putting my foot down.
233
00:15:58,158 --> 00:16:00,427
From this minute on, I'm no longer
Mr. Empty-Pants.
234
00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:04,230
I am not-- Not Mr. Empty-Pants.
235
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,802
Hello?
236
00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:12,305
Yes, I am Mr. Empty-Pants.
237
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,509
I'll see you there.
238
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:18,278
Well, who was that on the phone?
239
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:21,281
That's Playgirl magazine, Peg.
240
00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:27,253
They're gonna put Mr. Empty-Pants
in the centerfold. That's me, Peg.
241
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:30,256
They're saying
I'm the sex symbol of the '90s.
242
00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:36,096
Did I miss the news?
243
00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:39,199
Did every other man on earth die?
244
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:40,533
Where are you going?
245
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:43,770
Well, the shoot's next week.
I figured I'd shower now. Why wait?
246
00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:14,667
Ladies...
247
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,137
...Allow me to introduce myself.
248
00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:21,608
I'm Loren Michaels, producer of
Mr. Empty-Pants, the movie.
249
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:24,878
Now, we're casting a very important part.
250
00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:26,846
Buttocks.
251
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,553
You all qualify.
252
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:37,457
Now, rehearsals start
in the broom closet in five minutes.
253
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:41,394
Hey, wait a second. Just a minute ago
you were the body-makeup guy.
254
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:43,696
Hey, babe.
255
00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:45,632
I'm going places.
256
00:17:45,799 --> 00:17:50,136
Hopefully, this place, this place
and that place.
257
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:54,641
Make way for Mr. Empty-Pants.
258
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,892
He is empty.
259
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:17,530
Okay. E.P., these are the girls who'll
be doing the centerfold with you.
260
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:21,568
After the shoot, I'm going to shake
every one of your hooters.
261
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:27,407
The bigger the star, the nicer the guy.
262
00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:33,379
Well, Empty, look. Before we put you
on the bearskin rug with the ladies...
263
00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:37,951
...We'd like a few shots, you know,
so we can capture the inner emptiness.
264
00:18:38,251 --> 00:18:40,487
Meantime I think we need
some powder on the girls.
265
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:42,255
Makeup!
266
00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:46,926
Those breasts are shiny.
267
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:48,761
Take off those tops.
268
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:52,832
And don't worry about me
getting excited. I'm gay.
269
00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:55,468
All right, all right.
The boy's had enough fun.
270
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:56,903
Now let's go. Let's go.
271
00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:59,239
I gotta get loose. Play my music.
272
00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:00,773
Helps me shake my money-maker.
273
00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:24,531
Okay, let's do the shot on the rug.
274
00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:42,682
Okay. Hold it. Hold it.
275
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:44,984
Wrap the shoot. We--
276
00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:46,786
We have to find another centerfold.
277
00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:50,456
Mr. Empty-Pants has been killed
in the latest strip.
278
00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:58,431
Okay, girls, let's take a break.
279
00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:02,268
No. No, don't take my breasts away.
280
00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:04,637
- Girls, let's go.
- No. No.
281
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,374
Excuse me, ladies.
282
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:11,878
Bud Bundy here,
Department of Makeup Safety.
283
00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:13,947
If left on, that stuff can kill.
284
00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:18,785
Yes, it must be licked off immediately.
285
00:20:18,952 --> 00:20:22,455
Believe me, I'll receive no pleasure
from this, other than a job well done.
286
00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:25,525
Now, quickly, de-top and meet me
on the mattresses in the alley.
287
00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:29,362
And hurry. Hurry! Your chests are
ticking time bombs.
288
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:38,871
Can't believe it.
289
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:41,641
Just this close to being happy.
290
00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:44,911
Who could have done this to me?
291
00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:46,512
Hi, honey.
292
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:49,882
Peg, why did you do it?
293
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:53,586
I had to. I was jealous.
294
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,655
I wasn't getting any attention anymore.
295
00:20:55,822 --> 00:20:57,857
Suddenly everybody was just talking to you...
296
00:20:58,024 --> 00:20:59,792
...And nobody cared about me.
297
00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:03,730
I couldn't handle your happiness.
So I killed you.
298
00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:05,798
You're not mad, are you?
299
00:21:05,965 --> 00:21:08,935
I mean, if it's any consolation
you always have me.
300
00:21:09,302 --> 00:21:12,905
Peg, if it's any consolation to you,
it's no consolation to me.
301
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:14,440
How'd you kill me, Peg?
302
00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:18,711
You were crushed by a meteorite
shaped like a lady's shoe.
303
00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:26,853
- Did I suffer?
- Sure.
304
00:21:27,020 --> 00:21:28,354
What do you say, Al?
305
00:21:28,521 --> 00:21:31,424
How about a portrait of
Mr. and Mrs. Empty-Pants?
306
00:21:31,591 --> 00:21:33,893
Why not? It'll probably be
the last picture of us...
307
00:21:34,060 --> 00:21:35,695
...With your head still on.
308
00:21:50,376 --> 00:21:53,479
You know, Peg, I'm not surprised.
I knew I was gonna lose.
309
00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:55,648
But I'll tell you who the big losers are:
310
00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:57,450
The women of America.
311
00:21:57,617 --> 00:21:59,786
Because they could have had me
in the centerfold.
312
00:21:59,952 --> 00:22:02,588
Now they're gonna settle for
some cheap imitation.
313
00:22:02,755 --> 00:22:06,392
I mean, who are they going to get
that's as big a loser as me?
25347
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