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1
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,346
Oh, here comes Daddy.
2
00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:21,015
How do I look?
3
00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:23,184
- Terrific, Mom.
- Good.
4
00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:27,855
You know, every payday I like Daddy
to see what his last check went for.
5
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:31,025
Assume the position.
6
00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:36,897
Hi. Nice to see you.
Good to be back.
7
00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:38,899
If anyone needs me,
I'll be on the couch.
8
00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:41,635
Goodbye. So long.
Don't write. Don't call.
9
00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:46,173
Al, perhaps you didn't see us.
10
00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:49,677
I think he's playing dumb.
11
00:01:49,844 --> 00:01:54,014
No, honey. I've known him for years.
He's not playing.
12
00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:58,219
- Where's the money, Al?
- I got robbed.
13
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:02,456
I was driving home and I drove by the
bank, and the street was cordoned off.
14
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:05,192
So I knew I shouldn't
get out of the car, but I did...
15
00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:06,994
...And that's when they jumped me.
16
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:09,663
- Muggers, Al?
- Worse.
17
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:11,465
Bankers.
18
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,668
Bill collectors, electric-company reps...
19
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:17,671
...That wiry little woman
from the water company.
20
00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:19,240
They were all there.
21
00:02:19,406 --> 00:02:21,475
They threw me down, forced a pen in my hand...
22
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,978
...And made me pay bills against my will.
23
00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:27,081
I felt so violated.
24
00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:29,650
But I fought like a wildcat...
25
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,418
...And I think I felt a toe snap...
26
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:34,622
...When I bit through that
water-company babe's penny loafer.
27
00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:39,326
And that gas guy's gonna be reading
meters out of one eye for a while.
28
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:42,263
Well, you know, this is my own fault.
29
00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:44,298
The organ grinder who owns the monkey...
30
00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:46,934
...Doesn't let him have the check.
31
00:02:47,101 --> 00:02:49,904
You're the organ grinder, all right.
32
00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:55,843
Hey, what's this?
33
00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:59,747
Well, it was my handkerchief.
34
00:02:59,914 --> 00:03:01,916
Here, boy.
35
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:05,653
Good boy.
36
00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:08,789
Hey, kids, look at this.
37
00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:13,093
It's a brochure announcing
a monthly shoe-sales contest.
38
00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:17,698
And the winner gets a free
first-class trip to Hawaii.
39
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,668
Well, that's fine for the winner,
but what would Dad get?
40
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:25,506
So you bowel-constricting vampires
I call loved ones...
41
00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:27,908
...Think I couldn't possibly be a winner, huh?
42
00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:30,477
- No.
- Not really.
43
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,614
Oh, sure, I pulled the handle
on the slot machine of life...
44
00:03:33,781 --> 00:03:36,350
...And come up with prune, lemon...
45
00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:38,953
...And the lonely Mr. Cherry.
46
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:46,093
But I was a high school hero.
47
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:47,695
And I can do it again.
48
00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:50,931
Any man who can score
four touchdowns in a single game...
49
00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:53,434
...After a night with your mother...
50
00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:55,970
...Is surely capable of new glory.
51
00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:59,139
Al Bundy will win this contest
and go to Hawaii.
52
00:03:59,306 --> 00:04:01,308
- First class.
- How come the winner...
53
00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:03,243
- ...Only gets one ticket?
- Otherwise...
54
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:06,113
...He'd have to take his wife.
Where's the incentive there?
55
00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:09,917
Here he comes.
56
00:04:10,084 --> 00:04:12,286
He's coming in for a pit stop.
57
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:19,159
Sold 24 pair of shoes,
and I'm in third place.
58
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,396
Shower me.
59
00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,634
Squeegee me.
60
00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:29,803
Shoe me.
61
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:32,373
Fratella's in second place,
but I can take him.
62
00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:36,410
He goes home at night to visit his wife.
The sap still loves her.
63
00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:38,746
Luckily I don't have that problem.
64
00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:42,449
No time for frivolity.
65
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,585
Freshen me.
66
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,454
Shirt me.
67
00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:51,425
Shoe me.
68
00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:54,261
Get away from me.
69
00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:59,466
I am now ready to sell.
70
00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:04,271
That should be Marcie coming to buy shoes.
71
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,677
The strangest thing just happened.
72
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,111
I was taking a shower...
73
00:05:11,278 --> 00:05:14,248
...And someone broke in and stole all my shoes.
74
00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:18,619
How odd.
75
00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:24,658
I only hope that this is not a night
in which you need shoes.
76
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,627
Well, you know she does,
Al, I told you.
77
00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:29,830
We have a big, important dinner
with the bank president, remember?
78
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:32,700
Marcie was in the shower,
you told me my hair was a mess...
79
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:36,236
...So of course, I ran off to fix it.
When I came back, you were gone.
80
00:05:36,403 --> 00:05:38,205
You must have just missed the burglar.
81
00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:41,975
Anyway, hey, how's my hair?
82
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,244
Soft, yet manageable.
83
00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:46,847
Now, Marcie, as a friend
who's also in the business...
84
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,316
...Let me fix you up with a nice pair of shoes.
85
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:52,286
Now, just sit down right here
and put your feet in my hands.
86
00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:54,988
You're not gonna look up my dress, are you?
87
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,894
I'm not going through
the rest of my life blind...
88
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,396
...Just to sell you shoes.
89
00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:09,303
Now, here, let me show you
a very nice set of pumps.
90
00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,572
Two-inch heels, which, by coincidence...
91
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:14,074
...Match your dress exactly.
92
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:17,678
- They're perfect. I'll take them.
- Fine. That'll be $500.
93
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:19,546
Five hundred dollars?
94
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,115
Well, they came in a six-pack.
95
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:23,383
Apparently, they were a family of cats...
96
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,552
...And we were asked not to separate them.
97
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,955
But trust me.
They weren't killed for shoes.
98
00:06:28,122 --> 00:06:30,290
They were all run over by cars.
99
00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:34,528
That must be where they get
Hush Puppies.
100
00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:39,133
Oh, spare me.
Just give me the shoes.
101
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:41,668
I'm tired of looking at myself in your head.
102
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:44,705
Come on, Jefferson, we're late.
103
00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:48,408
And remember, after dinner when
they serve the cigars and brandy...
104
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,778
...You go in the other room with the wives.
105
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:53,514
All right, but I better get
a phone book for my pants...
106
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,582
...Because every time it's the same thing.
107
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,618
The lights "accidentally" go out...
108
00:06:57,785 --> 00:07:00,888
...And I'm the helpless victim of a gang-goose.
109
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:04,558
Look, those people
are important to my career.
110
00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:06,693
You'll take it and like it, missy.
111
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,935
Marcie, come on. I need some help.
The wind has picked up.
112
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:18,505
Could be disastrous for my hair.
You know.
113
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:26,747
Mom. You know what I'm thinking?
114
00:07:27,514 --> 00:07:30,517
That we should go upstairs
and split up Marcie's shoes?
115
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:33,987
No, I was just wondering
what I was thinking, because I forgot.
116
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,361
Hi, Dad.
117
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:48,335
- This is Petal.
- It's part of a flower.
118
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:54,575
Isn't she great?
I met her in Quantum Physics.
119
00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:56,643
Hold my calls.
120
00:07:57,444 --> 00:07:59,880
There never are any, son.
121
00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:02,082
Never mind that now, Dad.
122
00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:04,084
See you tomorrow.
123
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:06,820
Young lady!
124
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,690
Young lady, you do realize...
125
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:12,259
...That's my son's bedroom you're going to?
126
00:08:12,426 --> 00:08:14,061
Yes.
127
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:31,578
Hey, nice shoes.
128
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:36,683
Dad, don't.
129
00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:39,620
Come on, Dad. Dad, no.
130
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,859
Come on, Bud. Get over it.
131
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:49,062
What is one girl
in the grand scheme of your life?
132
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,598
Just your only chance.
133
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,935
Oh, come on, you're not alone in this.
134
00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:58,805
I myself have never
had a woman, and I'm fine.
135
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,909
And neither has Mom.
136
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:04,711
And lately, neither has your father.
137
00:09:06,513 --> 00:09:08,115
Family.
138
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,051
Bask in the glory.
139
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,686
I did it.
140
00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:15,088
I won the contest.
141
00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:24,364
You're looking at
the shoe salesman of the month.
142
00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:27,734
I'm going to Hawaii. First class.
143
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,237
And you know what they have in first class?
144
00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:32,873
Unlimited peanuts.
145
00:09:33,507 --> 00:09:37,477
And a passenger-lavatory ratio
of only six to one.
146
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:40,147
Gee, I'm gonna miss you guys.
147
00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:44,685
Well, hang onto your haemorrhoids, honey.
148
00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:46,119
I have news for you.
149
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:49,489
I called the airlines
and there's been a change of plans.
150
00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:53,593
I traded your first-class ticket in
for four standbys.
151
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,530
We're all going to Hawaii together.
152
00:09:58,165 --> 00:09:59,599
And, Dad...
153
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:02,202
...It was my idea.
154
00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:05,439
Oh, that was so smart.
155
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:20,587
Well, standby isn't too bad.
156
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:23,523
I mean, how long can they
possibly make us wait?
157
00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:47,581
Well, I checked on Seven.
158
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:49,416
Marcie found him where we left him.
159
00:10:49,583 --> 00:10:51,651
In her guest room.
160
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,320
She said she'd look after him.
161
00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:57,324
She's just amazed by the things
that happen when she's in the shower.
162
00:10:57,491 --> 00:11:00,027
- Well, what about Buck?
- Oh, I took care of that.
163
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:02,195
I opened up six cans of dog food...
164
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:05,432
...And I told him to only eat one each day.
165
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:08,368
And I could tell by the way
he dug into that first can...
166
00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:10,337
...That he understood completely.
167
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:11,772
Some man...
168
00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:13,206
...Or men...
169
00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:16,109
...Are gonna be very lucky to have you one day.
170
00:11:18,412 --> 00:11:19,946
Attention, ladies and gentlemen.
171
00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:24,851
In the first-class lounge
the champagne is now 42 degrees.
172
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:29,823
And, as always, unlimited peanuts
are now being served.
173
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,360
First class.
174
00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:36,363
Champagne.
Peanuts flowing like wine.
175
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:38,131
That was supposed to be me.
176
00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:54,381
Welcome to the first-class lounge.
May I see your ticket, sir?
177
00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,619
This is standby.
178
00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:01,855
You embarrass me and yourself.
179
00:12:04,458 --> 00:12:06,126
- Excuse me.
- Hey.
180
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:08,495
It's John Sebastian.
181
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:15,001
Believe in magic, buddy.
182
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:21,908
I seem to have lost my ticket.
183
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,044
Oh, it doesn't matter, Mr. Sebastian.
184
00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:28,982
We know you. Go right in.
As always, the peanuts are unlimited.
185
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,384
Life is good.
186
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:34,488
I should have said I lost my ticket.
187
00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:38,391
Wouldn't have done any good.
You're not a rock star.
188
00:12:50,704 --> 00:12:54,474
Oh, Richie Havens. Welcome, sir.
189
00:12:55,842 --> 00:13:00,080
Spencer Davis. Good to see you.
190
00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:04,317
Robby Krieger. I love the Doors.
191
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:08,121
- Mark Lindsay, always a pleasure.
- Thank you.
192
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:11,558
Peter Noone. Please come in.
193
00:13:11,725 --> 00:13:14,728
Hey, man. Groovy there. Right on.
194
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:19,099
Peace, love...
195
00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:22,536
...And women shouldn't have to cook, man.
196
00:13:22,702 --> 00:13:25,038
Dig it, I'm hip.
197
00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:29,743
Try to keep the groupies off me if you can.
198
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,879
Excuse me, excuse me.
199
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:35,615
- Ticket, please.
- Well...
200
00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:40,287
...Must've left it in the limo.
Rock n roll always forgets.
201
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:44,291
I'm sorry, sir, but I don't recognize you.
You'll need a ticket.
202
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,628
Sebastian. John, my man.
203
00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:50,830
Come here.
204
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:53,867
Hey, how you doing?
205
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:58,438
How they hanging, fellow rock bro?
206
00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:02,742
Well, let's just say I can find them
when I need them.
207
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:08,415
Axle. Axle Bundy.
208
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:14,654
You know, from--
From Shoes and Socks, remember?
209
00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:16,923
San Francisco, 1969.
210
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:21,161
I don't remember too much about 1969.
211
00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:23,163
Who does?
212
00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:29,970
But seriously, you must remember me
from the big concert last year.
213
00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:32,005
Live Aid.
214
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:34,174
Lemonade.
215
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:37,244
Kool-Aid, Ice Capade.
One of those.
216
00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:39,512
Yeah, I remember.
217
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:43,049
Peter, look who's here.
218
00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:47,988
Who's he?
219
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,056
Axle Bundy?
220
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:53,059
Oh, Axle, great. Hey, I'm a big fan.
221
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:56,563
I've got one of your records.
You remember the one that sold.
222
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:57,998
Have you still got...
223
00:14:58,164 --> 00:15:00,200
...That tambourine-playing wife in your band?
224
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:03,036
Still screeches horrible backup vocals.
225
00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:07,307
Hey, you must be--
226
00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:09,876
Just call me yours.
227
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:13,980
Yeah, and we're Bombshell and Troll.
228
00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:16,850
Hey, fab. Hey, come on in.
229
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:20,153
Unlimited peanuts for all in here.
230
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:28,495
Hey, you got something on your tie--
231
00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:43,009
Sandwiches.
232
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:52,452
Could you imagine living
like this all the time?
233
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:55,322
No wonder Fergie's such a piglet.
234
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:59,092
Could life be any grander?
235
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:03,163
Who'd have thunk it?
Living it up with the geezers of rock.
236
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:05,298
Speaking of geezers...
237
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,500
...Son, have you seen your mother?
238
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:11,504
No, but if she's anywhere
on this stewardess, I'll find her.
239
00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:17,944
You are who I think of
when I have sex with my husband.
240
00:16:21,047 --> 00:16:26,152
You are who I think of
when I have sex with my husband.
241
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:34,327
You are who I think of
when I have sex with my husband.
242
00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:39,065
You are who I think of when I--
243
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:45,505
When I clean up the floor around the toilet.
244
00:16:46,306 --> 00:16:48,375
Hey, Axle, come on and join us over here.
245
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:50,276
We're jamming.
246
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:53,713
Yeah, come on, man.
It wouldn't be a jam without...
247
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,882
Who is that guy?
248
00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:59,753
The name's Awful Grungy or something.
249
00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:02,756
I don't-- I don't know him.
250
00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:06,693
But I know that's Peggy,
and I believe we all remember her.
251
00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:13,400
I think I remember him.
252
00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:16,669
Didn't he use to be the fifth Monkee?
253
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:19,572
Hey, Ankle, we're waiting on you.
Come on.
254
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:22,008
Come on, Daddy, you never play at home.
255
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:25,078
Oh, I don't know.
256
00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:28,014
- Hey, fellow rock bros.
- Hey.
257
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:31,251
- I just had me a groupie.
- All right.
258
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:32,886
Hey, why don't you jam with us.
259
00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:36,589
Come on, Al, for old time's sake.
260
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:16,196
Hey, man, where'd you learn
to play pastrami like that?
261
00:18:16,362 --> 00:18:18,598
A little after-hours deli on the South Side.
262
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:22,402
Wild, man. You got cold cuts
in your blood, man.
263
00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:25,405
By the way, a little mustard on your pants.
264
00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:29,609
Flight 107 to Tucson now boarding Gate 4A.
265
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,044
That's us. Let's go.
266
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:33,913
Well.
267
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:35,982
Come on, time to go.
268
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,384
Say goodbye to first-class Axle...
269
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:40,286
...And hello to standby Al.
270
00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:44,424
Hey, Axle.
271
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:45,859
Where you going?
272
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:47,594
Forgot my ticket.
273
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,129
Ticket? You don't need a ticket.
Everybody knows you.
274
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,932
Yeah, come on. We got
the whole first-class compartment...
275
00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:55,335
...All to ourselves.
And we're doing a benefit...
276
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,871
...And we need all the big stars
we can get, Axle.
277
00:18:58,037 --> 00:19:00,640
Yeah, there aren't many
bigger stars than you...
278
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:02,642
...Maxwell.
279
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:08,448
Come on, we need your blue-eyed,
bad-wigged soul.
280
00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:09,949
Gee, why not, Al?
281
00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:12,218
It'd be just like singing in the shower.
282
00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:13,753
If you sang.
283
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,922
Or showered.
284
00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:18,525
Come on.
285
00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:19,993
Oh, all right. Let's go.
286
00:19:22,228 --> 00:19:24,464
Wait a second, wait a second.
287
00:19:28,902 --> 00:19:30,737
I need Lucille.
288
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:34,440
- Take no prisoners.
- Peanuts!
289
00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:38,511
All right. And now, as promised...
290
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:42,515
...The world premiere of the superstar video...
291
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,651
...For Old Aid.
292
00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:54,661
We are the old
293
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:57,997
We've got arthritis
294
00:19:58,164 --> 00:20:01,334
- Our gums are weak
- So weak
295
00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:04,270
From gingivitis
296
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:09,576
We are the old
297
00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:12,979
We've got arthritis
298
00:20:13,146 --> 00:20:19,252
We are the ones who wear bifocals
And have bursitis
299
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,923
There are people younger
300
00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:27,126
But we heed another call
301
00:20:27,293 --> 00:20:30,597
We really need the money
302
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:34,834
Our accountants took it all
303
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:37,737
We sing to you
304
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:41,374
Those who have money
305
00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:43,810
Once we was cool
306
00:20:43,977 --> 00:20:48,114
But now we just dress funny
307
00:20:48,281 --> 00:20:50,583
We need your help
308
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:54,354
So please, please dig deep
309
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,724
Don't call after ten
310
00:20:57,890 --> 00:21:01,928
'Cause we'll be asleep
311
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:05,598
We have Medicare
312
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:08,968
And anti-gas pills
313
00:21:09,135 --> 00:21:15,642
But without your help
We can't pay our alimony bills
314
00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:17,210
{\an8}Take it, Axle.
315
00:21:30,156 --> 00:21:31,791
We are the old
316
00:21:31,958 --> 00:21:33,493
They are the old
317
00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:35,228
We have arthritis
318
00:21:35,395 --> 00:21:36,896
They have arthritis
319
00:21:37,063 --> 00:21:39,866
Once we were gods
320
00:21:40,033 --> 00:21:42,268
Now golf excites us
321
00:21:42,435 --> 00:21:44,037
Golf excites them.
322
00:21:44,203 --> 00:21:45,405
So write a check
323
00:21:45,571 --> 00:21:46,773
A really big one.
324
00:21:46,939 --> 00:21:49,976
For our December
325
00:21:50,143 --> 00:21:52,779
There's one more verse
326
00:21:52,945 --> 00:21:56,549
But we can't remember
327
00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:08,027
Sing this, Axle.
328
00:22:21,974 --> 00:22:24,277
One more time.
24145
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