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1
00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:45,606
Hotcha!
2
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Another penny closer to retirement.
3
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:53,714
Hey, Bundy, car broken down again?
4
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:56,717
Nobody will give you a ride, huh?
5
00:01:56,917 --> 00:02:00,688
Maybe I should have called your wife.
She always gives everybody a ride.
6
00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:08,095
- Hey, Jim.
- Hey, Bundy.
7
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:12,099
Did the new copy of
Girls With Big Uns come in yet?
8
00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:15,269
Yeah, I just think I'll...
9
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...Look before I purchase if...
10
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There you go, just...
11
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:31,118
I'll buy it tomorrow, Jim.
12
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:35,389
- Sign this petition and save the trees.
- Who cares?
13
00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:38,893
Sign this petition to save the world
from nuclear holocaust.
14
00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:42,763
- Who cares?
- They're gonna raise beer tax two cents.
15
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,765
Oh, my God!
16
00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:46,534
This has to be stopped.
17
00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:49,503
Let us give you a beer and tell you about it.
18
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,338
Why ask why?
19
00:02:55,543 --> 00:02:58,913
Oh, wait, would you like to watch
our movie, The Story of Beer?
20
00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:01,081
God, would I.
21
00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:16,597
Beer.
22
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:26,373
And even for people like you...
23
00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:28,876
...Election Day is very important.
24
00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:32,713
So I'm hoping you'll put up these
campaign signs outside your home.
25
00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:36,617
That is a wonderful idea, Marcie.
26
00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:40,287
This one could cover the bird doody
on the front of the house.
27
00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:42,756
Oh, and this is a pretty one.
28
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:46,226
We could put this on the porch
where the plaster's coming away.
29
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:49,563
You know, where Al likes to kick it
before he comes in.
30
00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:51,999
Wait a minute, Mrs. D'Arcy.
31
00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:54,735
{\an8} "Support toxic waste dumps"?
32
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,804
{\an8}You'd never vote for this.
33
00:03:57,004 --> 00:04:01,375
Of course not. I've given you posters
of the issues that I oppose.
34
00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:04,078
Because if people think
the Bundys are for them...
35
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:07,348
...We know the whole neighborhood
will vote the other way.
36
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:12,753
We like to call it "harnessing hate."
37
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:17,024
Well, anything short of voting,
we'd be glad to help.
38
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,793
Peggy, you really should vote.
39
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,796
This year we can really make a difference.
40
00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:25,899
This is the Year of the Woman.
41
00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:28,135
Everyone I know is gonna vote for a woman...
42
00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:32,106
...Regardless of her qualifications
or her stance on the issues.
43
00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:34,241
Right, Jefferson?
44
00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:35,643
Sure.
45
00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:39,446
Actually, I wouldn't mind having
a woman as president...
46
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:42,516
...Especially if it was you, Marcie.
47
00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:45,853
Because I'd make a great first lady.
48
00:04:48,022 --> 00:04:50,457
Yep, and I'd have
a big, important issue like...
49
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,326
...No littering...
50
00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:54,094
...Or nice hair for everyone.
51
00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:57,698
You know, national hair-care centers.
52
00:04:58,599 --> 00:05:00,901
God, how cool.
53
00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:06,140
Well, I think I could do a lot of good
being in bed with the president.
54
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,543
And I really believe that if anybody could...
55
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:13,047
...I could make them forget
about Jackie Kennedy.
56
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:17,851
And you know I don't mind
prancing it for the voters.
57
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:21,922
And then, when you get shot...
58
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:30,297
...I'd marry a rich Greek.
59
00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:34,301
Of course, she'd have to shave her legs...
60
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:36,170
...And under her arms...
61
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,439
...Oh, and her lip.
62
00:05:39,273 --> 00:05:44,078
Then she'd die, leave me a fortune
and I'd become an editor.
63
00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:49,983
Well, what are you staring at?
64
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:52,786
Like you never thought about
being first lady?
65
00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:04,898
Honey, shut up and look beautiful.
66
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:07,568
I'll sign that bill.
67
00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:19,913
Hi, Peggy...
68
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,216
...Bud, Kelly, Jefferson...
69
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:24,518
...Bud.
70
00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:28,555
I just found out what's wrong with America.
71
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:33,560
And I seem to have lost
about three hours of my day.
72
00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:36,897
Bought this bunch of bananas.
73
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:39,366
Kids, take those bananas upstairs...
74
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:43,804
...With the tangerines Daddy bought
the last time he got whacked.
75
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,610
God, I hate to see him like this.
76
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:52,980
I know. I don't like to see him happy either.
77
00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:56,884
Family, did you know that
along with an election coming up...
78
00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:58,652
...There's something big going on.
79
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:02,556
{\an8}They're trying to sneak by
a two-cent beer tax.
80
00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:03,957
{\an8}Two cents!
81
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,392
{\an8}What really gets to me is...
82
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:09,229
{\an8}...That the money they're gonna raise
is gonna go for education.
83
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:12,166
{\an8}Well, I'll be damned if I'm paying two cents...
84
00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:14,668
{\an8}...For some moron to learn how to read.
85
00:07:15,369 --> 00:07:16,970
{\an8}I mean, where's it gonna end?
86
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:20,374
{\an8}I mean, pretty soon they'll be taxing income.
87
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,379
Well, Al, it's nice to see you care
about something...
88
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:27,714
...Besides wondering whose back is hairier.
89
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:30,818
Yours or your dog's.
90
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:32,719
Or whose chest is hairier.
91
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,155
Mine or yours.
92
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:43,864
Jefferson, can I depend on your support?
93
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:46,533
Well, I'm sorry, Al,
I don't get a ballot.
94
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:50,437
Marcie sends mine out absentee
so she's sure what I'm voting for.
95
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:53,040
But I'm gonna be first lady, you know.
96
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,677
Give 'em hell.
97
00:07:56,844 --> 00:08:00,547
Come on, Marcie, you above all people
should be concerned about this tax.
98
00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:04,918
I mean, after looking at yourself
in the mirror all day, you must drink.
99
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:10,824
I do not drink.
100
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,527
I occasionally imbibe.
101
00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:15,062
And only wine.
102
00:08:15,229 --> 00:08:17,130
And then only with a fine meal.
103
00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:18,632
Or a good cheese.
104
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:21,268
Or to enhance sex.
105
00:08:21,435 --> 00:08:24,271
Or if I'm alone for 15 minutes.
106
00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:28,976
But luckily, they're not trying
to increase the tax on wine.
107
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:30,677
That would be unfair to the rich.
108
00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:35,682
So wine is free, eh?
109
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,517
The workingman pays for everything.
110
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:40,888
But a few French people and
a couple of guys that don't like girls...
111
00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:42,923
...They get off for free.
112
00:08:44,258 --> 00:08:46,059
Peggy, can you talk some sense into him?
113
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:51,498
I'm sorry, Marcie, but I have to agree
with Al, 100 percent.
114
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:55,335
You see, if it wasn't for beer,
we probably wouldn't even be married.
115
00:08:56,303 --> 00:09:01,541
In fact, the only time Al touches me
is when he's had eight to ten beers.
116
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:04,511
Oh, and he's an animal.
117
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:13,287
Oh, God, I love it.
118
00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:16,123
Would you excuse us?
119
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:27,901
Oh, Al, you were magnificent!
120
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:35,342
Honey, no, you can't go to sleep now.
121
00:09:35,509 --> 00:09:38,211
We have company, come on.
122
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:45,786
Well, I guess I can't persuade you
on the beer tax...
123
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,989
...Since it brings you so many
seconds of pleasure.
124
00:09:50,524 --> 00:09:52,526
But this is an important election.
125
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,795
It's all gonna come down to just a few votes...
126
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:57,197
...So I need to mention
some of the other issues.
127
00:09:57,364 --> 00:10:02,135
For instance, a tax that will go
towards purifying Chicago's air.
128
00:10:02,336 --> 00:10:06,006
They want me to pay so that
people like you can breathe fresh air.
129
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,675
- Peg, write that down.
- Got it.
130
00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:11,378
"No" on clean air.
131
00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:12,879
All right.
132
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:17,384
Well, would you consider the plight
of the speckled songbird?
133
00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:19,386
To preserve its melodious tone...
134
00:10:19,553 --> 00:10:21,989
...We must protect this area
from further development.
135
00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:26,760
So those little bastards can sit outside
and sing all night and I don't sleep?
136
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:30,564
- Peg, write that down.
- "No" to nature. Got it.
137
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:34,101
Now, Marcie, how do these moronic issues...
138
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,036
...Ever even come to the public?
139
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:38,505
Well, they're suggested
by your elected officials.
140
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:41,241
Your councilmen, your senators,
even your president.
141
00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:44,244
So it goes right to the top, huh?
142
00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,580
Well, something has to be done.
143
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:50,083
Kids, get down here right away.
144
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,419
I have something very important to tell you.
145
00:10:52,619 --> 00:10:56,356
Finally. He's gonna tell me
I'm not really his daughter.
146
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:59,926
No, he's gonna tell me
I'm not his son.
147
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:02,195
But you look just like him.
148
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:05,699
That was pretty low.
149
00:11:07,601 --> 00:11:09,269
I'm sorry, I went too far.
150
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:11,605
I'm really sorry.
151
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:15,675
Good luck, I hope you're not his.
152
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,110
I hope you're not.
153
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:21,581
Dad, who's our real father?
154
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:25,719
Well, about a thousand
blood tests say it's me.
155
00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:31,625
Now, kids, the U.S.A.
Has been run too long...
156
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,693
...By people who know the issues.
157
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:38,532
People that watch the news on TV,
read books, generally pay attention.
158
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:39,966
Well, no more.
159
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:44,504
Because now it's time that we
had a say in the future of America.
160
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,006
Family...
161
00:11:47,441 --> 00:11:50,343
...The Bundys are gonna elect a president.
162
00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:02,289
The polls have been open
across the nation for six hours...
163
00:12:02,456 --> 00:12:06,193
...But it's now official
that not a single person in America...
164
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:09,129
...Has yet turned out to vote.
165
00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:11,531
Not only that, Bob...
166
00:12:11,698 --> 00:12:15,769
...But I understand that nobody's
even watching our election coverage.
167
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:21,875
So I've been told to do
whatever it takes to get you to tune in.
168
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:29,950
You won't see that on F Troop, folks.
169
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:36,156
Now that I have your attention, be aware...
170
00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:39,326
...If any people show up to vote today...
171
00:12:39,493 --> 00:12:44,531
...The future of this country
is in their hands.
172
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,400
Voters coming through.
Make way, make way.
173
00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:49,903
Voters coming through.
174
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:59,546
Family, breathe the democracy.
175
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:01,715
This is where it all happens.
176
00:13:01,882 --> 00:13:06,286
Yes, in a dry cleaner like this,
they elected Washington and Lincoln.
177
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:09,856
And at a round table,
where this volunteer sits...
178
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:12,959
...They signed the Declaration of Independence.
179
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,962
And from the looks of her,
she was probably there to see it.
180
00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:21,034
Peg, get a picture of me and Betsy Ross here.
181
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:25,572
All right.
182
00:13:25,739 --> 00:13:27,707
Now, down to business.
183
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:29,676
I'm Bundy...
184
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:31,211
...Al Bundy...
185
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:33,613
...And I'm here to serve my country.
186
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:37,784
Then please consider a minty mouthwash.
187
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,659
Just give me a ballot, you crone.
188
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:51,598
Not there, Mr. Bundy, that's the bathroom.
189
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:53,400
That's all right, ma'am.
190
00:13:53,567 --> 00:13:56,469
That's where he makes all his big decisions.
191
00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:58,471
My name is Bundy...
192
00:13:58,638 --> 00:13:59,906
...Peggy Bundy.
193
00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:02,509
And I would strongly advise you
to learn the lesson...
194
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:05,045
...That my Uncle Harold learned the hard way.
195
00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:09,983
If you're wearing a pacemaker,
do not follow him into the bathroom.
196
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,486
- What's your name?
- Kelly.
197
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:14,988
Oh, you should be in the Ks.
198
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:16,957
Oh, thank you.
199
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:19,793
- Name?
- Bundy.
200
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,928
Oh, you should be in the B's.
201
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:24,297
Oh, thank you.
202
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:25,899
- Your name?
- Kelly.
203
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:28,668
Then you should be in the Ks.
204
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:31,705
They don't want me over there.
205
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:37,177
- Your name, please.
- Bundy, Bud Bundy.
206
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,980
Is this your first time?
207
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:48,822
What, are you kidding?
208
00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:52,259
Why does everyone look at me
and just assume I'm a virgin?
209
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:54,694
Because I'm not.
210
00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:57,297
Could a virgin tell you the name
and last book read...
211
00:14:57,464 --> 00:15:00,100
...By every Playboy centerfold
in the last ten years?
212
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:02,869
I've been there and back, baby.
213
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:07,207
I know the female body
like I know my own hand.
214
00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:14,681
I mean, the back of my hand.
215
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,683
"Bud, oh, Bud," they scream.
216
00:15:16,850 --> 00:15:18,285
Why, once, I even took a girl--
217
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:23,356
Sir, I just meant
is this the first time you're voting?
218
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:29,729
I guess that's something
I can admit to. Yes, yes it is.
219
00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:32,098
Tell me, where do I go
and what do I do with it?
220
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:35,702
I bet that isn't the first time
you asked that.
221
00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:43,943
I know what you're doing.
222
00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:47,380
You're trying to tear me down
because you want me.
223
00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:52,085
All girls do that.
224
00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:55,355
I know you're twitching under your girdle.
225
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:59,192
Well, dream on, Methuselah.
226
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:03,897
What's your name?
227
00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:08,134
Oh, honey, it's okay.
228
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,170
Here, take a ballot.
229
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:13,573
Hell, this is Chicago, take two.
230
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:20,113
Hey, is it yellow in everybody's booth?
231
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:24,184
Oops, never mind, just had hair in my eyes.
232
00:16:24,918 --> 00:16:26,319
Excuse me.
233
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:29,723
Sorry, kids, I just have to
ask Daddy a question.
234
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:33,393
Hey, woman, what are you doing in here?
235
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,028
This is sacred.
236
00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:37,997
Hey, no, Peg, that's sacred too.
237
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:39,432
Take me, Al.
238
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:43,370
Right here with the fate
of democracy in your hands.
239
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:52,145
And now for the election news.
240
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,247
Good news for those who think Americans...
241
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,483
...No longer care about the electoral process.
242
00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:59,652
In the largest turnout
in the last three national elections...
243
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:05,592
...A full one half of one percent of all
registered voters actually did vote.
244
00:17:05,759 --> 00:17:07,360
Give 'em hell, America.
245
00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:11,531
Now let's look at some local returns.
246
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:16,336
The beer tax passed, 25,000 to 10,000.
247
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:18,405
And the closest race...
248
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:21,007
...The so-called Save the Earth
Clean Air Amendment...
249
00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:23,610
...Passed by a vote of five to four.
250
00:17:23,777 --> 00:17:27,280
And now we're gonna hear
from our president-elect...
251
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,616
...As we take you live to his campaign head...
252
00:17:29,783 --> 00:17:31,418
Incredible. We lost everything.
253
00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:34,053
Not one single thing we wanted passed.
254
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,189
I guess Bundys don't count.
255
00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:37,824
Or add, nor read.
256
00:17:37,991 --> 00:17:40,927
- Or get a woman.
- Or a man.
257
00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:43,663
What a waste of a day.
258
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:46,900
It's all Dad's fault.
259
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:50,837
I mean, he made us part
of the electrical process.
260
00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:54,707
Once again we learned that we mean nothing.
261
00:17:57,010 --> 00:17:59,546
Well, at least we tried.
262
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:01,247
And failed as usual.
263
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:06,052
- Kid's right. Give up. We did.
- No, we can't quit.
264
00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:09,022
- You saying we try again next year?
- No.
265
00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:11,491
Tell you the truth,
I'm never voting again.
266
00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:15,829
Like marriage, no matter
who you choose it turns out bad.
267
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,832
Unless you're rich.
268
00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:21,134
They get everything they want--
Well, fine.
269
00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:23,636
Let them have their birds
and their air and their--
270
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,672
Even their presidents.
271
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:29,409
But we cared about beer,
and they took it away from us.
272
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:34,247
Yeah, sure, what do they care if a man
who sells shoes or fixes cars...
273
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:37,383
...Or totes that barge,
or spears that doody in the park...
274
00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:40,653
...Has to use his whole paycheck
to buy one beer?
275
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:43,156
What do they care?
276
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:46,359
They're at their outdoor restaurants
eating their little pizzas...
277
00:18:46,526 --> 00:18:50,897
...And drinking some fine wine
in a no-smoking section...
278
00:18:51,064 --> 00:18:54,567
...With their sexy, skinny second wives...
279
00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:57,270
...While we're breeding with peasant stock.
280
00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:00,640
No offense, Peg.
281
00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:02,609
One thing I know...
282
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:05,578
...We're never going to win through the system.
283
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:08,181
Voting has never been the American way.
284
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:12,352
We didn't get away from
that pansy country England by voting.
285
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:16,055
We did it by throwing their
stinking tea in our American harbor.
286
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,395
And why?
287
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:25,331
Because Americans don't like tea.
288
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:27,700
We like coffee.
289
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:29,435
And Americans don't like wine.
290
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:30,904
We like beer.
291
00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:33,506
- Yeah.
- Ice cold.
292
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:38,311
Ice cold, best in a bottle,
but fine anyway you can get it...
293
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:41,948
...Belching, burping,
wake-up-in-a-pool-of-it beer.
294
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:47,153
So let's show them how a beer man votes.
295
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,422
Let's get blitzed and take it to the streets.
296
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:54,694
Let's strike a blow
anywhere they dine alfresco...
297
00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:57,330
...Anywhere they eat Brie cheese...
298
00:19:57,497 --> 00:20:00,567
...And anywhere they wear their pants
up high around their waist...
299
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:02,702
...In the European way.
300
00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:06,539
The only thing that Americans understand...
301
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:10,310
...Is mindless Tom and Jerry
cartoon-like violence.
302
00:20:11,144 --> 00:20:15,114
So let's go kick some elite butt.
303
00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:23,256
Give me beer, or give me death!
304
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:32,265
Or both.
305
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,336
Let's pillage.
306
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,483
{\an8}And in the biggest election-related story...
307
00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:54,587
{\an8}...People are being urged to eat
at home, or at a rib joint.
308
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:59,492
{\an8}Whatever you do, stay away from any
restaurant that starts with "Chez."
309
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:04,297
Frenchmen, as if they had to be told,
should stay at home.
310
00:21:04,464 --> 00:21:08,601
An angry mob led by
a balding madman screaming:
311
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:12,038
"I sell shoes, damn it,
and I'm stinking drunk"...
312
00:21:12,205 --> 00:21:17,710
...Has run amuck, and they've turned
the streets white with foam.
313
00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:20,880
Beer forever.
314
00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:26,185
Oh, that's lovely. Thank you.
315
00:21:26,586 --> 00:21:31,157
Anyway, the two percent beer tax
that was overwhelmingly voted in...
316
00:21:31,324 --> 00:21:34,560
...Is being reconsidered
in a special midnight session...
317
00:21:34,727 --> 00:21:37,096
...Of a cowering city council.
318
00:21:40,533 --> 00:21:42,468
Well...
319
00:21:46,406 --> 00:21:49,742
...It looks like the little man
finally might have won one.
320
00:21:49,909 --> 00:21:51,444
You know, it's amazing...
321
00:21:51,611 --> 00:21:54,947
...I feel more like an American now
than ever before.
322
00:21:55,114 --> 00:21:58,551
By the way, does anyone know
who was elected president?
323
00:21:59,619 --> 00:22:01,521
What's the difference?
324
00:22:02,021 --> 00:22:03,990
But whoever you are...
325
00:22:04,157 --> 00:22:06,459
...Read my lips.
326
00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:12,298
Don't tax beer.
25661
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