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1
00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,681
So, Mom, what's the big surprise?
2
00:01:20,848 --> 00:01:24,151
Why are we sitting here
like blind Lone Rangers?
3
00:01:24,852 --> 00:01:25,920
Yeah.
4
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:29,023
And why can I still hear you
with this mask on?
5
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:32,326
Just hang on, kids.
6
00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:36,597
Here it comes.
7
00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:41,168
Oh, my God, an M&M.
8
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:44,071
And I got a W&W.
9
00:01:47,408 --> 00:01:48,909
Hey, wait a second.
10
00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:51,612
Why are you treating us so good?
11
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:55,516
Yeah, Mom. Why'd you cook for us?
12
00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:58,652
Well, can't a mother show her love?
13
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,356
Okay.
14
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:04,258
I did it so you'd be in good moods...
15
00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:07,194
...When I told you that my relatives
are coming for a visit.
16
00:02:08,062 --> 00:02:11,265
No. Not Zemus and Ida Mae.
17
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:16,237
Oh, hush.
They both wear clothes now...
18
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:19,440
...And they're not gonna
be any trouble to anyone.
19
00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:37,758
Hey, Peg, did you know
we're out of towels in the bathroom?
20
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:49,670
Guess you didn't tell Dad
your family was coming.
21
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:52,506
Well, he never warns me when he is...
22
00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:57,144
...So I feel like I owe him nothing.
23
00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:01,348
God, I love Sundays.
24
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,285
The one day of the week
I get to sleep later than you, Peg.
25
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,820
Saturday night I stay up extra, extra late...
26
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:09,557
...Eat an enormous amount of tacos...
27
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:12,626
...To make absolutely sure
there's no way in the world...
28
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:15,262
...That when I wake up, you'll be next to me.
29
00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:18,799
You don't have to eat tacos for that, honey.
30
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:22,136
But I can't afford to take that chance, Peg.
31
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:27,174
But when I know you're gone, I can
finally slip out of my underwear...
32
00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:30,911
...And sleep safely naked as God intended.
33
00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:34,715
Oh, the sensations.
34
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:38,185
Why, with Mommy gone,
I almost feel sexual.
35
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:41,956
Yeah, nothing can ruin Sunday for me.
36
00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:43,724
Wait a minute. What's that?
37
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,894
Open your mouth.
38
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,098
It's an M&M.
39
00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:54,969
Oh, God. Your family's coming!
40
00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:58,172
How much time do I have?
41
00:03:59,306 --> 00:04:01,375
Great Caesar's ghost, they're here!
42
00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:03,577
- Have you made the preparations?
- Of course.
43
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:06,013
- What about the dog?
- He's ready.
44
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:18,392
Shouldn't we have a sign like that?
45
00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:20,861
Here, here.
Everybody take one of these.
46
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:24,932
If they move on you, smack them
on the nose and say, "No."
47
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:30,270
Open up! We know you're in there!
48
00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:38,245
I'm coming.
49
00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:42,416
All right, now, kids,
smile as if Daddy had died.
50
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,556
Okay.
51
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:12,012
- Zemus, Ida Mae.
- Peggy.
52
00:05:12,179 --> 00:05:14,248
You look good enough to eat.
53
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:20,287
- Little cousin.
- No.
54
00:05:22,056 --> 00:05:25,859
- Big boy.
- Don't even dream about it, Zemus.
55
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,629
So where's the dog?
56
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,069
By the way, what's with that line?
57
00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:36,937
Are you gonna tie it to your porch...
58
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:39,339
...To make sure you can find your way home?
59
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:42,342
No, it's for our youngest child.
60
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:44,578
We believe in giving the boy
a little freedom.
61
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:47,081
That way, if he feels cooped up
in the Winnebago...
62
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:50,017
...He can gallop alongside of us
down the highway.
63
00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:53,454
Folks, meet little Seven.
64
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:58,659
Seven?
Well, why'd you pick that name?
65
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:03,263
Because we had one, two, three,
four, five, seven kids.
66
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:08,068
- Say hi to your cousin.
- Oh, hello.
67
00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:12,372
Is that the one who's gonna give me money?
68
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:16,944
Yeah, that's the rich one.
Go bond with him.
69
00:06:20,447 --> 00:06:23,751
I love you, you big lug.
70
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:26,053
Give me money.
71
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,589
Do you know where your knee is?
72
00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:31,725
Yes, I do, so give me money.
73
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:37,531
Kids, why don't you take
little Seven upstairs.
74
00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:39,500
Come here, Seven.
75
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:42,736
We'll take him up to Bud's room.
76
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,139
Have you ever seen a rubber woman?
77
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:52,579
Isis is not rubber, she's breathable latex.
78
00:06:53,781 --> 00:06:56,683
And she breaks, just like a little girl.
79
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:00,754
Come on in.
80
00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:26,213
Isn't this nice?
81
00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:29,116
We're swingers.
We're into swapping.
82
00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:40,594
But don't be put off, it doesn't have to
be the traditional man-woman thing.
83
00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:52,306
And this little Peggy never goes to market.
84
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:55,442
And this little Peggy stays home.
85
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:59,446
And this little Peggy eats bonbons.
86
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:04,384
And these little children have none.
87
00:08:06,954 --> 00:08:09,056
I want them to do the song again.
88
00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:11,758
He only wants us to do it
because he knows we hate it.
89
00:08:12,559 --> 00:08:15,229
- Is that true, Seven?
- Yes.
90
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:18,498
And a-one and a-two.
91
00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:20,934
- Baby face
- Baby face
92
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:24,738
- You've got the cutest little baby face
- You've got the cutest little baby face
93
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:27,207
- Not another one could take your place
- Not another one could take your place
94
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:29,409
- Baby face!
- Baby face!
95
00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:35,449
Hi, kids.
96
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:40,320
- Good to be home.
- Where did you disappear to?
97
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,322
Well, I crawled under the doggy door...
98
00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:45,993
...When Zemus turned out the lights
and said, "Let's exchange trousers."
99
00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:49,229
Is that your real nose?
100
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:59,273
Seven, if you were thinking of pulling
his hair, try grabbing it out of his ears.
101
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:02,876
Unlike his head, it just seems
to grow and grow and grow.
102
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:09,283
Peg, why is this kid sitting on my lap?
Doesn't his father have a groin?
103
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:15,756
By the way, where are the Kettles?
104
00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:19,359
Well, right after you left,
they went out for cigarettes.
105
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:24,231
And you let them go?
106
00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:26,733
That has to be the dumbest move in history.
107
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,369
No, the second dumbest.
The first dumbest had to be...
108
00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:32,539
...When I answered your phone call
the day after we had sex.
109
00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:41,748
Peg, you just let these people
stick us with their kid.
110
00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:45,652
Oh, my God. I've got another child!
111
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:56,229
Now, Peg, I'm gonna remove my hands.
112
00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:59,266
Please don't show him how upset you are.
113
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:05,872
What's the matter?
Did he find out my folks are gone?
114
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:09,042
No. No, no.
Just went out for cigarettes...
115
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,911
- ...Be right back.
- No, they won't.
116
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:16,016
But that's okay. I'll just
live with Mommy and you, Daddy.
117
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:23,690
- Not another who could take your place
- Not another who could take your place
118
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,666
Oh, Peg, I've got another kid.
119
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:35,369
Oh, got another kid.
120
00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:37,471
Oh, Al, I'm happy.
121
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,007
I wanna keep him. The kids love him.
122
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:42,142
And Buck has really taken to him.
123
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,378
You should see the two of them play together.
124
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:48,915
- Oh, look, here he comes.
- Doggy, wanna go to the dentist?
125
00:10:53,587 --> 00:10:56,189
I guess he's still sore from playing doctor.
126
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:08,402
- What is it, Peg?
- It's just the love.
127
00:11:09,403 --> 00:11:11,304
Oh, Al, I have to keep him.
128
00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:14,541
This boy needs a mother,
and I am a born mommy.
129
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:20,080
- Can I go throw rocks at cars?
- Sure, honey.
130
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:23,183
Just look both ways before throwing.
131
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:29,990
Well, hey, aren't you a cute little guy.
132
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:41,201
- Hey, mister, which car is yours?
- That pretty blue one.
133
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:51,678
- So where are his parents?
- Oh, they went out for cigarettes.
134
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:53,680
The old cigarette ploy.
135
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:57,084
They stuck you with their kid,
and they're never coming back.
136
00:11:58,018 --> 00:12:02,289
So, what are you gonna name
this one, Financial Burden III?
137
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,670
Peggy, I envy you.
138
00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:21,608
A new child, and you didn't even
have to touch that man to get it.
139
00:12:22,476 --> 00:12:24,244
Yeah, I couldn't be happier.
140
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:26,446
Of course,
Al will have to get another job.
141
00:12:26,613 --> 00:12:28,348
And it may be tough on Bud and Kelly...
142
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:31,251
...You know, with not enough love
to go around and all.
143
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:34,754
But I don't really see any downside for me.
144
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:39,092
Gee, Al, another child.
145
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,361
What a blessing.
146
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:45,065
It shouldn't be much of a strain
on your salary...
147
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:49,569
...Which couldn't support a family of
goats in the mountains of Paraguay.
148
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:54,374
But on the bright side,
another child could be such a joy.
149
00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:58,879
Let's take the time to think of all
the things that you can teach him.
150
00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:01,948
Well, I can't think of anything.
Can you?
151
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:07,687
Now, Marcie...
152
00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:09,890
...Don't take this as an insult...
153
00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:13,360
...You parakeet in a flannel shirt.
154
00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:16,029
But speaking as a friend...
155
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:19,599
...Your body shows no signs of womanhood.
156
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,302
Obvious to me, you're barren.
157
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:24,204
And even if by some miracle...
158
00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:28,542
...You actually laid an egg
and then hatched a child...
159
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:32,312
...And tried to breast-feed it,
the kid would starve to death.
160
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:38,985
Let's face it, Marce...
161
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:42,122
...There can't be enough milk in there
for a cup of coffee.
162
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:49,029
So having said that with love...
163
00:13:49,563 --> 00:13:52,032
...From one friend to another...
164
00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:56,336
...I offer you the son you'll never
have. Let me go get his clothes.
165
00:13:58,104 --> 00:14:01,975
Al, I couldn't possibly
take anything from you.
166
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:04,978
Instead, let me give you something.
167
00:14:05,579 --> 00:14:07,380
Ten fingers of death.
168
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:11,184
I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
169
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:15,188
And I have breasts, damn it.
170
00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:18,792
She really does, Al.
You just can't see them.
171
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:25,098
Right, honey?
172
00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:28,235
Like I can see everything on you?
173
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:32,772
You said that wasn't important.
174
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:35,442
Well, I lied.
175
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:41,014
Wait a second.
Can't we go back to picking on Al?
176
00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:44,784
You're right, honey.
177
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:50,557
So, Daddy No-Bucks,
where's the new kid gonna sleep?
178
00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:59,799
So that's the real story of the breakup
of me and Cindy Crawford.
179
00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:05,305
You know, you're not that interesting either.
180
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:10,210
And now, we put me to sleep.
181
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:17,651
Don't mind me, Bud.
I just came in to say good night.
182
00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:20,387
- Good night.
- Yeah, thanks.
183
00:15:22,989 --> 00:15:28,028
- My little man.
- Mommy, he bored me.
184
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:31,331
How about a nice little lullaby?
185
00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:34,301
Okay, here we go.
186
00:15:36,670 --> 00:15:39,539
Hush, little baby, don't you cry
187
00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:42,709
Bud will be gone soon
So kiss him goodbye
188
00:15:42,876 --> 00:15:46,379
And if Bud won't leave on his own
189
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:49,816
I'll throw him out,
and then it'll just be me and you.
190
00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:52,285
I'll cook for you,
and everything will be so nice.
191
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:55,522
Mom, Mom. He's sleeping.
192
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,591
I guess I just got carried away.
193
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:00,827
It's so hard to leave this little guy.
194
00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:03,330
Come here.
195
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:05,332
Okay.
196
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,567
Good night.
197
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:10,103
- Good night, Mom.
- Yeah, thanks.
198
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:19,312
Hooters. Oh, hooters, come out and play.
199
00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:23,316
Bud...
200
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:26,453
...I have to ask you a question.
201
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:29,989
You have waited 19 years
for someone to get in bed with you.
202
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:33,593
Tell me, is it everything you had hoped for?
203
00:16:38,932 --> 00:16:43,103
Oh, I'm just teasing you, you little
emotionally arrested Smurf.
204
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:45,038
I brought you a little present.
205
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:47,374
Now that you're sharing your pad with Seven...
206
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:49,642
...I wanted to give you something to decorate.
207
00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:51,678
A little eye candy for the both of you.
208
00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:59,018
There you go, college man.
209
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,322
"Wags, the Perplexed Pup."
210
00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:06,693
Cartoon cutie.
Well, as if I had to tell you.
211
00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:11,097
Hey, great place for a Blossom calendar.
212
00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:16,136
How much must I endure?
213
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:22,609
God, she isn't bad, is she?
214
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:26,546
Oh, God, look at my life.
215
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,548
I don't get it.
216
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:31,217
I'm so cute.
217
00:17:31,951 --> 00:17:33,887
What am I even doing home?
218
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:37,390
I know I've got the bod, got the arms...
219
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:42,629
...The chest, and even I can't
keep my hands off my butt.
220
00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:50,437
You really should talk to Daddy.
221
00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:53,473
Anyway, I couldn't bear
to be away from this little guy.
222
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,009
I'm gonna take him to bed with me.
223
00:18:00,814 --> 00:18:03,817
You do take that down
when friends are over, don't you?
224
00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:12,358
Well, at least I got some privacy.
225
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:14,360
Hi, girls.
226
00:18:15,028 --> 00:18:17,030
Come to papa.
227
00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:24,003
Don't mind me, son.
Just avoiding your mother.
228
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:27,407
Hey, now.
229
00:18:28,074 --> 00:18:30,443
What's this?
230
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:37,317
"Hooters, absolutely no faces."
231
00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:40,053
Goodish.
232
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:42,856
- Come on, Dad.
- Go to sleep.
233
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:56,002
Bud, did you do this?
234
00:18:56,870 --> 00:19:01,508
Oh, God, look at my life.
I'm sitting in my own son's wet spot.
235
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:05,011
I don't get it.
236
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:10,016
So cute.
237
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:12,452
How could this be my fate?
238
00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:14,721
I should've married for money.
239
00:19:14,888 --> 00:19:17,056
I always had the bod.
240
00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:19,759
Got the arms.
241
00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:24,564
God never made a nicer butt.
242
00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:35,308
I can't live like this,
but I'll tell you what I can do.
243
00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:37,377
I'm gonna track down
Seven's parents...
244
00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:39,779
...And I'm gonna get this house back to normal.
245
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:46,886
And I want Wags hanging on my wall
when I get back, son.
246
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:58,765
- Fill her up, sir?
- Nope. Making a delivery.
247
00:20:09,142 --> 00:20:12,812
- Ninety-two octane?
- Yeah, whatever.
248
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:21,220
And the Atlanta Braves take the field.
249
00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:32,498
Welcome to our monthly
underwear fashion show.
250
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:44,344
And now, here's supermodel, Zemus...
251
00:20:44,510 --> 00:20:48,514
...Wearing lovely blue Hanes.
252
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:02,462
- Hi.
- Hi.
253
00:21:02,996 --> 00:21:05,331
I think we should talk.
254
00:21:06,532 --> 00:21:09,569
Gee, I hope Daddy doesn't find your parents...
255
00:21:09,736 --> 00:21:13,539
- ...So you can stay with us forever.
- Me too.
256
00:21:14,207 --> 00:21:15,908
Yeah, us too.
257
00:21:20,380 --> 00:21:24,050
Hi, Al. Did you find his parents?
258
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:28,821
No.
259
00:21:30,423 --> 00:21:32,158
Couldn't find them.
260
00:21:38,164 --> 00:21:39,966
So we can keep him?
261
00:21:41,267 --> 00:21:43,102
Guess so.
262
00:21:43,770 --> 00:21:45,638
Daddy!
263
00:21:49,609 --> 00:21:54,580
Oh, by the way, everybody, today was payday.
20162
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