All language subtitles for Maid Marian s04e02 Bouncy Sheriff.eng

Whatever did we do before we had
supermarkets?

Ate decent food.

You haven't done so bad. You've already
eaten three tins of cat food.

Well, which is good for me beard.

Excuse me, sir. Would you be interested
in an extension?

I'm quite torn enough without one, thank
you. No, sir. We can offer you a

fabulous selection of home improvements
for a remarkably low price. Rose!

What are you doing?

Eh? I've got this new job, haven't I?

for you. Yeah, I'm sales representative
for a major house renovation

corporation.

Gosh, for one minute I thought you were
one of those creeps who hang around

outside supermarkets trying to sell
second -rate conservatories and drafty

double glazing.

Well, at least I'm employed. I'm not a
housewife like some people.

What do you mean?

I'm a freedom fighter and you know it. A
freedom fighter?

Of course. I'd forgotten.

That's why you have to do the shopping,
isn't it? So your men have got the

freedom to fight.

Rose! By the way, those are nasty bags
you've got under your eyes, love. Why

don't you put your shopping in them?

Bye.

Nottingham!

Hi. Jekyll, this man tortured.

Where's the bruising?

Where's the flailing?

Come and have a look at him. Certainly,
my lord, if I can just... Gary, what are

you doing?

Look, sir, have you seen my daughter?

I thought he was dead.

Cindy doll. My Cindy doll not broke.

I think she is, Guy.

Yes, my lord, I'm sorry about the old
torture caper, but all our apparatus is

clapped out, I'm afraid.

The thumbscrew's a bird, the Iron
Maiden's got a rusty hole in her bottom,

the cat of Nine Tails is currently eight
and a half tails short. You get more

job satisfaction whipping someone with
the rear end of a guinea pig. Will you

stop doing that, Gary? I'm sorry, sir,
but Mr. Gisborne wants to play pool and

we've run out of water.

I think he means pool with those big,
long queues, Gary.

There won't be any big, long queues
today, Graham. It's too cold.

Please, Guy, be reasonable.

Junk, junk, junk.

It's like Hong Kong Harbour in here.

Oh, look. It's your inflatable bouncy
castle.

Shall I blow it up now?

Yes, yes.

By the way, boys, you've got to do
something about that boy. He's driving

mad. But, my lord... Because if you
don't, I will insert a high -pressure

into your navel, fill you with air, and
give you to him as an inflatable...

County Sheriff of Nottingham.

Understand!

Two cases of iron brew for Barrington,
three kilos of strawberry ready bread

Ravis, and five lean cuisines and a
packet of chocolate eclairs for Robin.

And would you start clearing away now,
please?

Hey, look at this sweet picture of Lord
Roddy Stewart at home and that lovely

Swedish girl. Let's hope this marriage
lasts. Robin, if you could bear to drag

yourself away from Good Morrow magazine
for just a... Second, the low -fat

yoghurts need putting somewhere cool.

How about inside me, men?

And please, take your feet off the
table.

Oh, look, you've not even done the
washing up yet.

You know what we could do with? An au
pair.

Rubbing? You can have a bite of this
apple if you want.

No, seriously.

A nice little Malaysian girl or
something.

Are you deliberately trying to wind me
up? Marion, you see my other sock?

I mean, it'd be helping the third world,
you know. It wouldn't rip her off.

She'd just do the washing and cooking
and cleaning and dining and washing up

dusting and maybe blow -dry my hair when
she'd got a minute. And in return,

you'd give her English lessons. It
wouldn't cost us a penny.

There's my hat. Give it back here, you
big wuss. No, it's my sock. Get off.

Stop squabbling, you two. Oh, that
reminds me. I'm off down to Claycross

Blues Club tonight. Will you pat me in
some beads before I go? I mean, I know

this kind of stuff's your hobby. Hobby?

Hobby?

rota, you know. What, to cut the grass?

Nah, too dangerous.

Exactly, little Ron. You've proved my
point. You can't even remember what a

is. Well, we've got a new one now. It
says, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,

Thursday, Friday, Marion does nothing.
And shall I tell you why?

Because you do all the work at the
weekend?

No, Rabies.

Because I'm quitting this sexist gang.

I'd rather wash my knickers in
hydrochloric acid than be in a gang with

Good morning.

We're not sexist, honestly.

Chicks, huh?

Truth, I'm starving.

You know, this place needs a nice pizza
hut.

Oh, I don't think so, sire. Cos if you
folded the mozzarella cheese topping to

make the roof, all the olives would roll
off, and when it rained, the deep -pan

walls would get all sticky and
disgusting.

Graham, a pizza hut is not a...

Could I interest you in doing something
really nice around the back of your

house? Good heavens, woman, you're man
-mad.

I meant the conservatory, actually.

The conservatory? Sire, Snooker says he
knows where there's a spaghetti house.

Brilliant! Come on, men, let's get
scoffing.

Right, old man, point us in the right
direction.

There you are, sire.

Fifteen years it took me, every bit
individually hand -glued.

Not that I want to leave them, Gladys.
I'm just fed up of hearing my own voice

going on and on and on and nothing ever
changing.

Well, remember what the wise wit of
Dwight which used to say. There are more

ways of swallowing a fish than washing
it down with water.

Eh? Well, you can cover it in
lubricating fluid and let it slide down.

Or you can tie it to a cannonball,
swallow the cannonball and let the force

gravity draw it down into your
intestines.

Maybe I ought to go and talk to her. You
can't. She choked to death for a thing.

She was a great woman.

Leave who?

Who are you leaving then?

Not now, Rose. I'm not in the mood.

It's Robin, isn't it? He's kicked you
out, hasn't he?

Bolognese, senor.

Oh, please don't eat it, sir.

I know it's only small, but it's our
home.

Look, when I asked for the house wine, I
didn't mean I wanted you whinging on

about your property.

Oh, no.

Bango's the extension.

Extension? Has the whole world gone mad?

What on earth do you... Wait a minute.

Wait an itsy -bitsy, teeny -weeny,
yellow -poker -dotted minute.

That's the answer, isn't it? We're
saved, boys.

We build Guy an extension and then
shovel his rubbish in there.

I think I'll just go and have a nice
quiet little word with young Rose

Well, well, well.

Maid Marian and no merry men.

Looks like I'm going to kill two birds
with one stone.

How do you do that, then?

What? Kill two birds with one stone?
Well, first you hire some stone -cutting

equipment and a mask, right?

Then you cut the stone into the shape of
a huge boomerang.

Oh. So you deliver an extension with a
25 -year guarantee for 500 gold

pieces. Yep, and you get Maid Marian's
head into the bargain.

You're evil, Rose.

You're as evil as Mad Tim Mallet, the
psychopathic hammer maniac.

She's your best friend, for heaven's
sake.

And my worst enemy.

What in tarnation is that supposed to
mean? Well, listen.

About a girl I...

and make sure they're OK, won't you? Of
course.

But it's you we should be worrying
about.

Come on, how much money have you got?

Er... Half a Portuguese escudo.

Oh, no.

And you owe me £2 .50 for Christy
Power's whip round, don't you?

I know.

What sort of whip did you get her, by
the way?

A walnut one. You know, with that
pretend cream in the middle.

Anyway, you needn't pay me back till
tomorrow.

Well, I... Hey!

I tell you what.

Why don't you help me for a few days?

Good commission.

Thanks, Rose, but I couldn't. Come on.
That's what friends are for.

No, I couldn't. I truly couldn't.

It's nice of you to offer, but no.

Thanks a lot, but no.

Are you quite sure?

Excuse me.

Would you be interested in some double
glazing?

No. A new front porch?

No. How about laying a patio?

I couldn't stand the pain.

Excuse me?

Have you seen the look on a chicken's
face when it lays a little egg?

And the patio's about this big.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, it's no good, Rose. Two hours I've
been standing here.

I've had about as much success as a
Morris dancer at a thrash metal concert.

Oh, let's go home.

Oh, I'd love to. I'm exhausted.

But I haven't leafed with his despots,
haven't you yet?

I'll do that.

It'll only take a moment. Will you? Oh,
thanks. You are an angel.

Hey, it's no big deal. That's what
friends are for.

Help, Rose! Someone's grabbed my arm!

Well, well, well. What a charming
special delivery.

Stuck, my dear?

Never mind. We'll soon sort that out.

an angel yet, but you soon will be.

So we get all these flying saucers and
blackjacks and stuff and cover them with

really strong glue and dangle them out
of a tree on bits of string.

Some rich merchant will come along and
say, wow, free penny sweets.

And he'll reach up and grab them and go
shooting up in the air. We'll nip out,

empty his pockets and divide up the
money.

So where do we get the penny sweets
from?

Buy them from a sweet shop.

What with?

Ah, that's the whole point. We haven't
any money.

How about this?

Spare me. Take them instead.

No, it's me, man.

I had this idea.

We jump out on someone, right?

Scare the pants off them and then flog
the pants.

What do you think?

No, no, no way. Absolutely not. Too
scary. Not in my gang.

Whose gang?

Hello, boys.

Problem?

No, no, no problem.

Who said it's your gang?

Yeah, I think Marion will come back.

Oh, sorry, Rabies. She left this
morning. She's off to Billericay to

beauty therapist.

Marion, a beauty therapist?

I know.

It's a bit like a Skoda training as a
Formula One racing car, isn't it? So

that's it, then? We're skint jobless and
we've lost our leader.

Excuse me?

Actually... I've got a bit of a problem
myself.

I've got to get this extension built
right, and this bloke will pay good

and everything.

But I just can't find a team of strong,
intelligent men to help me put it up.

Well, I just had this amazing idea,
right?

You need strong, intelligent guys,
right?

Well, look around you.

What do you see?

Trees? Us, Rabies. Us.

We will be those guys.

Oh, Robin, you're wonderful.

Does this hurt?

No.

How about this?

No. Ah, stupid thing. I don't know
what's wrong with it.

Let me have a look.

It's not the bearings, is it?

Oh, no, mate, for your sake.

You can have a lot of money if it's the
bearings.

That's the 1136 model, isn't it, with
the chrome secondary spike?

It'll be the bearings, I'm telling you.
They're renowned for it.

He should have got the 11 .38.

He shouldn't have got one at all.

They're an offence to the human race.

They certainly are with those bearings.

I've got to get it going. I've got all
her lot to do by the end of the week.

You'll have to catch them first.

No need, my dear.

They will come of their own free will.

Don't be ridiculous.

Even Robin's not that daft.

This place is really fab.

It's so, you know, old.

Is it National Trust?

Well, well, well.

Right on time.

Right, here's all the bits and pieces,
and over there's where we build it. It's

dead easy, they're all numbered. Come
on.

So, what would you call it, Norman?

No, I'd call it a castle, and the name's
not Norman, it's Graham.

Robin, come on.

This is funny, isn't it?

What shall we do when we're bored?

I know, let's get a million...

Jigsaw!

whistle in a washing machine, but you'll
also have a brand new, highly

unpleasant toy to play with. Gary, will
you please stop bouncing about like

Chronic the Hedgehog? I've got an
important secret building job for you.

Fancy a cup of tea?

Oh, please. I'm dying of thirst.

That's the general idea.

Milk?

Oh, yes, please.

Sugar? I haven't got any sweetness, have
you? Water?

Have we got any sweeteners? Hang on,
I'll just pop out and get some.

How can you do that?

We have our ways, my dear.

We have our ways!

Ah,

what a happy little band of workers.

It still happens this time. Who fancies
a penguin?

Other penguins do.

Oh, how sweet little slices of ass. Full
of little piles of raisins on cute

little plates. That's a really healthy
snack.

Not if a plate gets cold in the throat,
it isn't.

What was that?

What was what?

That tapping noise.

Um, it was me practicing my tap -down
thing.

I've finished now.

Oh, I just love that stuff.

Right, well, I'll just clear away the...
...the

things, and then you can... Right.

Finished, sire. Get on with what you
were doing. See you later.

Sorry to put you to all this trouble.

Oh, no trouble.

It's nice to get out and about once in a
while, isn't it, weasel? Yeah.

I've brought a picnic.

That's nice.

How about the little chairs?

Of course.

And the collapsible table?

Oh, silly me.

I'll forget my head one of these days.

It shan't be long.

Mission accomplished, sire.

Follow me, please.

It's brand new toy time.

Come on, weasel. We're starving.

Sorry. I forgot my head and had to go
back for it. Look, rather than going to

all this trouble for a few sweethearts,
why don't we just escape?

Escape? Escape?

What?

Back to a world of mugging and mass
unemployment and listening to Steve the

Wheelwright in the afternoon?

Now, thank you.

I'd rather suffer the dreadful agonies
of the scrubby twister. But you wouldn't

mind if I went?

No, you shut off.

We'll just eat our sandwiches.

Cockroach inspired as well. Oh, very
nice.

And then we'll toddle off back home.
Bye.

Bye. Some people knock cases, eh?

That's why my lads...

Builders, my lord.

Oh, they look like a bunch of crooks to
me.

That's how you can tell they're
builders, my lord.

Now, here we are.

Welcome to the royal playroom.

Now, my lord, if you would just like to
cut the ribbon.

I now declare...

it's great.

See, I pull this to reveal one 2 .6
turbo -powered torture machine

complete with full stereo speakers to
really bring those cries of agony to

Love, Johnny!

Personalised number plates!

It's wonderful!

Let's give it a spin right away, Uncle!

Yes, but who are we going to spin in it?

That's my second surprise, Your Majesty.

These builders are not...

Quite who they seem.

They are, in fact, Robin Hood and his
merry men.

We're more like Robin Hood and his
handymen, actually. We've changed our

you see.

Well, I'm going to change it even more.

I'm going to remove all your unsightly
underarm hair.

I've been meaning to do that myself,
actually. By chopping your arms.

road with you, then I'll climb out.

I shouldn't have vowed with you. I'm not
sure it'll take...

Get in rubble. Likewise, I'm afraid.

In that case, bring me your navel.

Beg pardon, my lord? And bring me a high
-pressure hose to screw into it.

It's bouncy, sheriff.

Yeah, Marion, you coming or what?

I beg your pardon?

Um, are you coming home?

Please.

Half nice to see you again, Marion.

Rabies. They ripped you off with that
beauty therapy.

You look worse now than when you left.

Rabies? No, she doesn't. She looks
lovely. And on behalf of everybody, can

just say a big thank you for rescuing
us? Right, let's get back down that

tunnel.

I wouldn't do that to you.

Rose!

Oh, heck.

Of course I did.

Serves you right, you bunch of wimpy do
-gooders.

So, what shall we do with them, then?
Hey, wow.

Hey, have I had another of my amazing
ideas or what? Why doesn't Rose come and

be our au pair?

Nice one, Robin.

I'll give you two options, Rose.

Either you do all our au pairing for
free and cook Robin soufflés and wash

vests and pants and iron his trousers
and wash his hair.

And buff up my loafers.

Or else we chain you up here and let
King John do his worst.

Which is it to be?

No contest, is it, Rose?

Too right.

Girls! Girls!

I'd rather be torn to pieces than spend
my life buffing a man's loafers. Thank

you. Girls!

Come on, men. Quick.

I'll say one thing for you, Rose. I like
your style.

what you're doing.

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