Original subtitles

Approaching the planet Earth, oh great one.

See, there is the village of Worksop below us.

Let us exterminate it.

Exterminate. Exterminate.

Exterminate.

Don't you exterminate me or I'll whack you with this stick.

Help. Help, I'm being zapped.

Judith, Judith, where are you? Here I am, Mr. Pig.

Zap, zap, zap. Don't you zap my arms or I'll clobber you with my...

I am invincible!

No one can stand against Zog, the exterminator!

Oh! Ah!

Ah! Stop it! Stop it! Help! I'm getting back to my flying saucer! Come on, great

man! Son of a...

Pay for those, Guy.

I don't carry money. I'm royalty.

Oh, well, that's a pity.

You won't be able to buy the stick it I've got in my pocket, will you? What's

stick it?

Tragically, you'll never know.

I'll buy it. I'll buy it.

Thank you.

Where's my stick it? Here it is. And I'm going to stick it right up your nose.

I'm telling on you. I'm going to tell my friend and he'll zap you.

Guy, you haven't got any friends.

and he's invisible and he talks outer spacey language and only I can

him and he takes me for rides in the sky and I get to go on all his toys and

everything. So there.

Guy, are you an only child?

Yes, I thought so.

You run on home now.

That really isn't it.

A only child.

Surprise, surprise.

Must have been an only child You can see it in his eyes

Always grassing up the other And then running to his mother

Like a baby bird singing to tears and crying Oh, only

child Surprise, surprise Must have been a phony child You

can hear it in his life

Oh, we're telling stupid stories, never knowing that a bore is twice as boring

when it's obvious he's lying.

Only child.

Oh, only child.

Only child.

With their stupid hair and stupid

clothes. It's supposed water.

But King John, don't worry about him. Give him a long -nosed peasant and a

guillotine, he'll stay happy for hours.

No, sire!

An alien space carriage up in the sky! Alien space carriage? Don't be

ridiculous. Alien space carriages were invented by a bunch of paranoid beardy

weirdies from Glastonbury who were so short -sighted they couldn't tell the

difference between a flying saucer and a green fly on their glasses.

But strange things have been happening.

Great rings of mud have been found in fields all over... Over the East

Yes, Gary, they're cowpats.

I don't think so, sire. I think they're markers to show the space carriages

where to land. And then their hatches will open and the space knights will

out on their space horses and exterminate us with their space swords

siege engines.

And space battering rams? Space battering rams?

What are you talking about?

Don't worry, my lord. Gary's been sucking too hard on his asthma inhaler

Always makes him a bit... No, your majesty.

Up in the sky, an armada of interplanetary, most extraordinary

they're heading this way.

You mean an invasion?

What was that noise?

Sorry, my lord. You just sat on my bagpipe. We must defend ourselves.

Summon up all the finest brains in the land and build a huge net in the sky

to... Catch these space carriages.

But they don't exist, my lord. It's all rubbish.

It'll cost several million gold pieces, of course. But it's a complete waste of

time, my lord. So you could be in charge of the money. But it's a load of... the

money. Hello?

Has anyone seen my plop -bop? Don't shut up, guy.

So how are you going to raise it? With big ropes, my lord.

Tied to the legs of a huge flock of pigeons.

How are you going to raise the money?

I could ask plop -bop. I don't have to raise the money, my lord. I'm just in

charge of it. Yes, but... But you have to get it first. But, my lord... Because

if you don't, it'll be you that's tied to the huge flock of pigeons.

But how am I supposed to raise it, my lord?

I don't know. That attacks the peasant. But they're skint, my lord. We've

already had everything except the shirts off their backs.

Brilliant! Pardon?

Well, take all the shirts off their backs, the hats off their heads, the

off their feet, the pants off their... What do you call those things?

Washing lines, my lord? Yes!

So go and get...

A brand -new species who were dead brave and spread out all over the place and

could do these brilliant feats of intelligence and could stand upright.

What, great screws, you mean?

No, us, man.

Yeah, and one day they're going to return, OK? And they'll force us to be

slaves and we'll have to do really fact -breaking tasks for them, like vacuuming

the interior of their space carriages. Yeah, and getting the peat stones and

chewing gum out their ashtrays.

A strange life form from another planet.

What are we to do? Smash it to pieces.

Hey, that's not very green, is it, man? Suppose we make it extinct.

Then we won't have to clean out his asteroids, will we? Come on, though. No,

wait. Let me reason with it.

Hail, O Great One.

I greet you in the name of all peace -loving Earth people.

I, Robin Hood, have seen your blazing trail arching across the sky.

Robin, do stop talking in that silly voice.

these days we're going to be famous and our story will be told all over the

world in moving picture galleries.

It's going to look really stupid if we're all nicely spoken and you're

on like a posy cowboy, isn't it? Yeah, it'll never sell, man.

Oh! Dear, oh, dear, you are in a mess, aren't you, you poor old thing? You

do with a bath, really.

Marion, you can't say that to a master of the universe. No, but I can say it to

Snooker when he's all covered in glue and leaves and badger dropping.

You mean he doesn't come from outer space?

No, I come from outer workshop.

Come on, Snooker, let's get you home. Yeah, we'd better get you cleaned up

before you're nibbled by a nut hatch.

It's clothes, my lord. But they're rags!

That's right, my lord. It's their uniform.

If they wore fur coats and high heels, you wouldn't know they were peasant,

would you? We can't sell these.

Who'd want to buy them?

We could ask Plot Pop.

For the last time, guy, there's no such person as Plot Pop.

It's just some stupid pretendy thing you've dreamt up because you're so

We are trying to raise some money for the Royal Arsenal.

Well, I'm not helping! I hate football!

Goodbye!

Nice shot, little Rob.

Your turn, Rabies.

So, do you think our story will be on in one of these moving picture galleries?

Oh, bound to be, I'd say.

What, Robbie Hood, Prince of Weed?

Well, I've been it, do you reckon?

Oh, I shouldn't think so. I see you more as one of those naff comedy kind of

characters. But I'll be up there being bold, being brave.

Being upstaged by the Sheriff of Nottingham.

And in the end, of course, because I'm the hero, I'll get to snog the girl,

won't I?

What, Marion?

She'd rather be snogged by a water with bad breath. Not the real Marion,

obviously. She's too bossy.

Someone soft, someone who appreciates my powers of leadership.

What, someone daft, do you mean?

Whoops.

Here we are. Hang on.

What's the matter, snooker? I've got one of those itches between my shoulder

blades that you can't quite reach.

Oh, it's the family of field mice.

Just a minute.

Marion, quick.

What is it?

Big problem.

We try, we try, we try, we try.

That the sheriff came to town and pinched our panties, pinched their

pinched their panties. We are praying, we are yearning, want our vets and pants

returned. Want to see coming down the track our shirts and trousers running

back. We are praying, we are yearning, want our vets and pants returned.

Want to see coming down the track our shirts and trousers running back.

Wow,

what a fantastic sense of rhythm you all have.

It's the hundreds of years of oppression, you see.

Right, and now the sheriff's stolen your clothes.

Yeah, and he's taken to the castle with a thieving little tow rag.

Then we'd better creep in tonight and get them back, hadn't we? Oh, yes!

But how?

The castle's always locked and bolted.

Snooker, you've just given me an idea.

Don't wash off those leaves.

Your field mice are going to have an extra day's holiday.

Why don't we glue designer labels into them and sell them as next year's

fashionable sportswear, Your Majesty?

Don't be a moron. They'd fall apart in five minutes.

Well, people pay pounds and pounds for trainers that fall apart in five

and they don't complain.

You can always dress your nephew in them and go around collecting a penny for

the guy, my lord. Soft toys?

What? We can make a bit of soft toys, my lord. Are you off your tiny chump?

You know, little noddies and little big ears, is he?

Yes, and little Winnie the Poosies and little tiggers and little kangas and

stupid little one with the mind of a two -year -old. What, Piglet? No, um,

Christopher Robin.

I think you're on to something.

If people are daft enough to buy little rubber horses with blue hair and sobby

brushes to brush it with, why shouldn't they fall for this one?

Right,

so you know what to do?

I think so. Can you just say it again?

Rabies, we've been through it 37 times already.

Oh, hang on, someone's coming.

And I'll get this gravy.

squidging machine and put a sign on the door saying free party with clowns and

jellies and stuff and all the people that are really horrid to me will go in

mummy and I will pull the handle and squid them and squid them and squid them

until they're all tiny and lickle lickle lickle and they'll be my people and

love me and make me tiny lickle lickle toys and tickle me but not too hard on

tickly bits and if they don't I'll squatter!

He doesn't carry money. He's royalty.

I do. I do.

Well, I don't want it. The shop's is shut. Let's have his life.

Yes!

What is this invisible force that has knocked us to the floor?

It's this funny leafy man.

What funny leafy man?

I can't see any one man, except Snooker. Shut up, rabies.

Hello. My name is Plop -Plop, and I come from out of space.

Oh.

Craig! I've forgotten what I'm supposed to say next. Are you talking to me? Will

you be my friend?

I'm your friend already.

Not you, him.

Not you, him.

Who? Who are you talking to, Guy?

Him, him, him. What's the matter? Are you blind?

Why are you speaking in that weird out -of -space language?

Am I?

Yes. Only you can hear me and understand me.

I can understand you.

Quiet, Raby.

Look, it's perfectly simple.

You see that guy there?

Yeah. Well, we can't. He's absolutely invisible, aren't you?

Yeah. See what I mean?

We can't hear you either, can we? None. So as far as we're concerned, it's just

you and us here, right?

And Snooker.

Raby. And the thing is, right, he wants to come to the castle to play with you.

Does he?

Yes, don't you?

Yes, I do.

How do you know he means me?

because none of the rest of us can hear him. Get it together, men.

I don't know what to say.

No -one's ever wanted to play with me before.

You say that would be lovely. Come at seven.

I'll leave the castle key under the big stone so you can get in. All right.

That was easy, wasn't it, boys?

That would be lovely. Come at seven. Marion, I'll leave the castle key under

big stone so you can get in.

Let's start again, shall we?

That's a lovely barrel, Hayley.

Thank you, Gladys. It's pretty, isn't it?

It's not cleaved, which I really like. And the other thing is, it's a mini, so

it's fashionable but practical.

Everyone looks so nice, don't they?

Hiya. Our plan's going brilliantly. As I promised, your clothes will be restored

to you before the day is out.

Oh, that's a pity.

I really like the natural finish of wood. Give us a hand, Hayley. Just a few

more buckets.

What I can't quite grasp is can I see you?

Yeah. And can I hear you? Yeah.

And he's Plot Bomber? No, he's Snooker.

Oh. Well, that's funny because I don't feel as I can see him.

That's because he's behind you.

Oh, yeah.

Hello, Snooker.

That's easy, isn't it? Yes, Ruby. If you concentrate.

There is one thing, though.

Yes? Where's Plotbot gone?

Glad it is. Shelf suit.

That goes in here.

Hailey's socks.

They go in here.

And Luca's underpants.

And they go in there.

There you are, Your Majesty.

Hot off the production line.

Our very first cuddly toy.

What on earth is it?

A giraffe, Your Majesty.

Why, is its head back to front, sire? It's not, is it?

Plop, I'll be here in a minute.

I expect it's making sure it isn't being followed, isn't it, sire? Yes, I expect

so. Yeah, because it's so tall, all the other animals expect it to be really

brave, but you can be tall and sensitive, can't you, sire? Like Plop,

you. And you can be small and horrible, can't you, sire? Like you, sir.

Oh, get up, guy.

Plop -pop, plop -pop, plop -pop, plop -pop. You're a...

Aliens. Weird thingies from another galaxy who'll stick their suckers in our

ears and suck our brains out.

They won't get much of a meal out of you, will they? It'll be like swallowing

Tic Tac.

I don't care who you are. We haven't got any jumble. I gave it all away last

week. Oh, yeah?

Who to?

The Royal Society for the Prevention of Animals.

Didn't you miss the cruelty, my lord? Yes, of course I missed the cruelty.

That's why I gave them all my jumble.

Oh, blob bobs, I'm sorry.

What will we do if he doesn't give us any jumble?

Say please.

No, we will hack it to pieces.

lost and a bit upset and by the time they found each other again, your nose

molecules will be on your...

If she hadn't have seen that bright light and been sick, none of this would

happened. I agree.

Good people of workshop, let every yeoman in Sherwood know that from this

forward, if ever that ball of fire should return and be seen beating across

sky, we will remember this little girl and her contribution to...

That one's Barrington, and he's little Ron.

So where's Plotfop?

I'm here.

See? I knew there was a simple explanation.

Marion!

Why don't you carry on with the Watcher?

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