All language subtitles for Impractical Jokers - S02E08

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,874 --> 00:00:07,966 NARRATOR: Coming up. .. 2 00:00:08,041 --> 00:00:09,668 How does his body move like that? 3 00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:11,404 NARRATOR: What happens when the guys leave Sal 4 00:00:11,478 --> 00:00:12,945 twisting in the wind? 5 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,742 This kind of isn't fair. He's really outmatched. 6 00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:15,941 [ Laughter ] 7 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:18,041 NARRATOR: When Joe faces a giant problem... 8 00:00:18,118 --> 00:00:20,177 MURR: How's he gonna do this? NARRATOR: Will he come up short? 9 00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:23,519 Q: The guy is 2 feet taller than you! 10 00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:26,150 NARRATOR: What is Q forced to do when it's all on the line? 11 00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:27,591 You do that, I'll take the loss on the whole thing. 12 00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:29,652 - Let's do it. - Oh! 13 00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:30,958 MURR: Are you nuts? 14 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,828 NARRATOR: And tonight's big loser 15 00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:34,959 has more than just egg on his face. 16 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:38,004 [ Laughter ] 17 00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:42,004 We're at the mall trying to figure out 18 00:00:42,075 --> 00:00:43,440 who's the best debater among us. 19 00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:45,137 We're going head-to-head tournament style, 20 00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:47,612 asking strangers to settle a ridiculous argument. 21 00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:49,080 But the topic of the debate 22 00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:50,878 is gonna be fed to us by the other guys. 23 00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:53,146 We must persuade someone to agree with our stance, 24 00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:54,619 no matter how bizarre it is. 25 00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:57,851 If you can't get the stranger to take your side, you lose! 26 00:00:57,925 --> 00:00:59,688 - Murray's a jerk. - Yeah, you're right. 27 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,193 - Correct. - He's right. 28 00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:02,421 [ Laughter ] 29 00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:06,257 Q: Here's what Joe's up against. 30 00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:08,699 - Murray doesn't shut his mouth. - What? 31 00:01:08,769 --> 00:01:11,636 Murray's argued his way out of jail time, so Joe's-- 32 00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:17,402 MURR: I don't know, buddy. I think I'm right on this one. 33 00:01:17,477 --> 00:01:19,104 - I feel it. - Excuse me. 34 00:01:19,179 --> 00:01:20,646 Could you settle an argument for us? 35 00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:23,205 You are the judge. What you say, goes, OK? 36 00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:26,116 All right, Murr, I think we should adopt an Asian child. 37 00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:29,085 I think we should adopt an Asian child. 38 00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:32,284 Now, Joe, I think we should adopt a black child. 39 00:01:32,359 --> 00:01:34,350 I think we should adopt a black child. 40 00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:38,728 We can only choose one or the other in our house, OK? 41 00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:41,768 Black names are so much cooler than Asian names. Fact. 42 00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:45,365 - Oh! -Ah. 43 00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:46,997 How many Chinese Darnells do you know? 44 00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:50,233 Zero. That's my point. 45 00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:51,641 [ Laughter ] 46 00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:53,646 I didn't Google it. 47 00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:56,182 So, what do you think? Asian, right? 48 00:01:56,249 --> 00:01:58,274 - No. - [ Both laugh] 49 00:01:58,352 --> 00:02:00,946 Murray thought he was gonna sneak that victory right in. 50 00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:03,353 SAL: And it didn't work. MURR: OK, hear me out. 51 00:02:03,423 --> 00:02:06,483 There's only 67,000 unadopted black children 52 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:07,652 in the United States. 53 00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:09,320 Murray with these numbers. 54 00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:13,230 In last count, there's 700,000 Asian children unadopted 55 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,665 in this world. 56 00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:19,770 That's high. 57 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,603 Wow ! 58 00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,836 I'm not even talking numbers. We can't pick our heritage. 59 00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:26,470 That's why you go adoption. You get to pick one you want. 60 00:02:26,546 --> 00:02:29,538 I want a black one. 61 00:02:29,616 --> 00:02:31,174 This guy's on the ropes. 62 00:02:31,251 --> 00:02:32,912 He's going back and forth. They're fighting. 63 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,078 How about this? 64 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,486 Asian kids can grow up and become ninjas. 65 00:02:36,556 --> 00:02:38,319 Right? 66 00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:40,189 SAL: [ Laughs] JOE: Excuse me. Hello. 67 00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:42,285 There's black ninjas. 68 00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:43,886 JOE: Thank you, thank you. 69 00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:45,591 There are, but-- 70 00:02:47,267 --> 00:02:49,997 You guys got to do something to make him pick one 71 00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:51,935 or else both of you lose. 72 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,734 Just pick one based on what you've heard. 73 00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:56,241 You have to settle it right now. I can't listen to his [bleep]. 74 00:02:56,309 --> 00:02:58,300 We'll be happy with either choice. 75 00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:04,140 You're black. I win. 76 00:03:05,952 --> 00:03:07,920 - "Adopt me," right? - Is that a win? 77 00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,421 - I'm gonna give it to Joe. - I'm gonna give it to Joe. 78 00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:11,616 That's how you do it. Next round, baby. 79 00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:17,027 Excuse me. Excuse me, sir. 80 00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:18,394 We're having an argument, 81 00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:21,298 and we're wondering if you could help us settle this. 82 00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:22,858 MAN: OK. JOE: Sal, this one's for you. 83 00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,699 - I think... - I think... 84 00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,534 This dance move is cooler. 85 00:03:26,606 --> 00:03:29,268 This dance move is the coolest. 86 00:03:29,342 --> 00:03:30,866 Show him the coolest dance move. 87 00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:33,977 [Chuckles ] All right. 88 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,607 Q: Go ahead. Show him, Sal. 89 00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:38,844 I call it the Double Dutch. 90 00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,784 MAN: OK, I've seen that before. 91 00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:43,220 [ Laughter ] 92 00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:45,258 Now, Q, "But I think..." 93 00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:46,587 All right, but I-- 94 00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,628 This is the coolest dance move. 95 00:03:48,695 --> 00:03:50,686 [ Laughing] 96 00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:52,789 But I think that this is the coolest dance move. 97 00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:54,333 Q has got no rhythm. 98 00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,096 This kind of isn't fair. He's really outmatched. 99 00:03:56,169 --> 00:04:00,902 Call this the, uh, the-the Martian Hula Hoop. 100 00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,407 [ Laughter ] 101 00:04:02,476 --> 00:04:04,068 Yeah, doing the Martian Hula Hoop, you know? 102 00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:07,341 Yeah, doing the Martian Hula Hoop, you know? 103 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:08,881 Check that out. 104 00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:10,849 You look like a noodle. 105 00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,908 All right, but you got to understand something, right? 106 00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,920 The Double Dutch has been around for ages. 107 00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:17,650 - You can go low... - Yeah. 108 00:04:17,724 --> 00:04:19,919 MURR: Whoa! SAL: You can go up top. 109 00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:21,824 MURR: Oh! 110 00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:24,557 Go all around. See what I'm saying with it? 111 00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:27,964 How does his body move like that? 112 00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:29,592 Look at that. 113 00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:36,773 Just soak it in, just soak it in. 114 00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:38,140 - [ Laughter] - Soak that in. 115 00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:39,542 [ Both laugh ] 116 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:42,138 Look at the antlers! Look at the antlers! 117 00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:43,546 It's antennas, you idiot. 118 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:44,743 Soak that in. 119 00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,615 You want to go up and down. 120 00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:49,447 Which one do you think? 121 00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:52,618 Yeah! 122 00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:54,250 JOE: The Double Dutch! 123 00:04:54,327 --> 00:04:55,726 The Double Dutch wins! 124 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:56,956 [ Laughs ] 125 00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:58,554 JOE: Q, nice try, man. 126 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:01,066 The Martian Hula Hoop is gonna sweep the nation, I think. 127 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,965 All right, Double Dutch, I'm in. 128 00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:05,698 MURR: Oh, it's Joe versus Sal! JOE: Go get him. 129 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,778 Gladiators heading to battle. 130 00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,710 - They're ready. - This is it. 131 00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:15,407 I can't believe these 2 got in the final round. 132 00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:16,972 I don't believe I got [bleep]. 133 00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:19,075 [ Both laugh ] 134 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:21,086 - Excuse me, sir? - That's what you think. 135 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,348 I don't agree. 136 00:05:22,422 --> 00:05:24,185 That's my point. A third party is what we need. 137 00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:25,622 We're having a gentlemen's debate right now. 138 00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:27,592 Could you settle something for us? 139 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:28,992 Joe, who was the better president? 140 00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,586 Who is the better president? 141 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,131 I think it was Martin Van Buren. 142 00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:34,793 I think it's Martin Van Buren. 143 00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:36,631 See, I think it was Millard Fillmore. 144 00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:38,068 No way, man. 145 00:05:38,138 --> 00:05:39,537 It's Millard Fillmore. 146 00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:41,301 Martin Van Buren. 147 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,941 The transportation. Where would we be without vans? 148 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,615 Millard Fillmore was the only president to serve 4 terms. 149 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:53,881 That's 16 years, not including his vice presidencies. 150 00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,353 No, he didn't. 151 00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:58,118 Right, but if you look at what Van Buren did for the dollar, 152 00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,556 he's the one who started minting. 153 00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:01,253 We wouldn't have pennies, quarters... 154 00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:03,888 Millard Fillmore--do you know that he was a fighter pilot? 155 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:06,228 Fillmore was a fighter pilot before the plane was invented? 156 00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:08,961 - What? No. - [ Laughter] 157 00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,401 Millard Fillmore had a 10-inch penis. 158 00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:14,269 Martin Van Buren had an 11-inch one. 159 00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:16,036 It's too big. 160 00:06:18,478 --> 00:06:19,968 Wait, wait, wait. 161 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,775 Let me tell you one more thing. 162 00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:25,409 If this doesn't do it, then Martin Van Buren. 163 00:06:26,753 --> 00:06:28,482 Millard Fillmore... 164 00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:32,587 Invented the appetizer. 165 00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:39,327 - [ Laughter] - [Bleep] 166 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:40,832 My man. 167 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,061 He invented the appetizer? 168 00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:44,865 I was trying to play to his strengths! 169 00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:46,769 [ Ding I 170 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,535 NARRATOR: Joe gets the last word, 171 00:06:48,608 --> 00:06:51,543 and Sal, Q, and Murr each take a loss. 172 00:06:51,611 --> 00:06:54,910 Murr, do you think you're more book smart or street smart? 173 00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,539 I'd say I'm the perfect combination 174 00:06:56,616 --> 00:06:59,449 - of book and street smart. - Give me a dollar. 175 00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:01,885 You're book smart. 176 00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:03,855 [ Laughter ] 177 00:07:06,559 --> 00:07:08,026 We're gonna meet the queen! 178 00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:09,459 The Dairy Queen. 179 00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:10,689 We're at Dairy Queen. 180 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,527 We're gonna be mixing it up with fellow customers. 181 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,362 The goal is--Well, gosh! 182 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,561 We don't know what the goal is until we get out there! 183 00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:18,536 The other guys will be giving us a very specific task 184 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:19,697 for us to accomplish. 185 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,297 If you can't do it, you lose. 186 00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:24,605 - All hail the queen! - The Dairy Queen! 187 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,981 Q: Joey, have we got a plan for you. 188 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:33,213 The normally impeccable Joe Gatto is going down. 189 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,776 M U RR: Yeah! 190 00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:36,719 Q: And this is the guy to do it. 191 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,417 SAL: He is perfect. 192 00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:41,016 Get this guy to have a meeting with you in the bathroom. 193 00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:43,528 MURR: Oh, yes. 194 00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:44,858 How's he gonna do this? 195 00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:47,195 How do you convince someone to come with you to the bathroom? 196 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:49,292 How does one even approach the subject? 197 00:07:49,369 --> 00:07:52,429 As much confidence as I have in you usually, Joe, 198 00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:56,100 I think that this one's gonna get you. 199 00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:58,701 The guy is 2 feet taller than you! 200 00:07:58,778 --> 00:08:02,839 MURR: Look at how much bigger this guy is than Joe! 201 00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:06,579 Too many decisions. Yeah, right? All day. 202 00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,450 SAL: Stop him from moving, Joe. 203 00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:10,352 Look at the difference in size. 204 00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:11,651 MURR: Come on, buddy, make a move. 205 00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:16,162 Can I talk to you real quick in the, uh...bathroom? 206 00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:20,591 Yeah. 207 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,500 Uh, OK, I'm not looking to get my business 208 00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:25,834 on the streets of the Queen. 209 00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:28,840 It's just me and you. We'll talk real quick, and... 210 00:08:28,908 --> 00:08:30,205 Q: There's no way. 211 00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:32,267 Just real quick. You can leave the cone out here. 212 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,505 We'll be a moment. 213 00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:36,708 MURR: Are you serious? No! Oh, my God! 214 00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,876 Oh, my God! 215 00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:41,216 You have to be kidding me right now! 216 00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:43,346 MURR: What the hell? 217 00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:44,856 There's nobody in here. It's OK. 218 00:08:44,924 --> 00:08:47,358 JOE: There's nobody in here. MURR: He's gonna go in! 219 00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:49,861 You son of a bitch! SAL: Oh, my God! 220 00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:51,521 You son of a bitch! 221 00:08:51,598 --> 00:08:53,225 What the hell? 222 00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:56,462 Murr, the gentleman behind you in the hat, the big guy. 223 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,697 He's got to make a phone call on your behalf. 224 00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:01,434 - Using your phone, OK? - To who? 225 00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:03,305 - Well, you'll find out. - We'll tell you. Don't worry. 226 00:09:06,946 --> 00:09:10,541 Sir, do you mind if I ask you what you got? 227 00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:12,175 Have you ever had it before? 228 00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:13,742 No? 229 00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:15,583 SAL: Nice guy already. Q: Helpful. 230 00:09:15,655 --> 00:09:16,747 Let's see how helpful he is. 231 00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:19,417 I can't decide what to get myself. 232 00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:20,959 I'm totally distracted, and I'll tell you why. 233 00:09:21,027 --> 00:09:23,291 - I have a favor to ask. - Mm-hmm. 234 00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:25,092 Can you make a phone call on my behalf? 235 00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:27,258 I'll explain why. 236 00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:28,766 You got to call my parents. 237 00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:31,235 [ Laughter ] 238 00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:32,896 I need you to call my parents. 239 00:09:32,972 --> 00:09:35,839 OK? 240 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,844 So, I'll tell you exactly what to say, OK? 241 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,846 [ Laughter ] 242 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:45,316 - I am trippin' a little bit. - Yeah, you is. 243 00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:47,819 I just want to tell my mom that I used to wear her heels 244 00:09:47,887 --> 00:09:49,252 when I was little. 245 00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,552 When my mom picks up, I need you to confess to her 246 00:09:51,624 --> 00:09:54,388 when I was a kid, I used to wear her heels. 247 00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,224 [ Laughter ] 248 00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:02,768 [ Buzzer ] 249 00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:05,964 JOE: Sal is the most ethnically diverse out of all of us, right? 250 00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:08,098 He's got a mixture of things going on. 251 00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:09,334 Sal, do me a favor. 252 00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:12,139 Just get somebody to order you a Pumpkin Blizzard. 253 00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:13,907 - That's it? - One last detail. 254 00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:15,914 You can only speak in a made-up language. 255 00:10:15,982 --> 00:10:17,074 [ Laughs ] 256 00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,618 Sal, go up to the guy with the navy cap. 257 00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:22,177 Eh? 258 00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:25,156 Itala froyay. Italo frodatay. 259 00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:27,352 Maad by aperson dada heya. 260 00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:30,362 Dey, uh, dey-- 261 00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:32,295 JOE: Don't point at it. 262 00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:34,663 OK. Uh... 263 00:10:34,734 --> 00:10:37,134 Greenhouse say Greenhouse a Limp Bizkit. 264 00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:38,795 [ Laughter ] 265 00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:40,669 Greenhouse Limp Bizkit?! 266 00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:46,010 Q: Hurry up, Sal. He's ordering the wrong thing. 267 00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:47,171 Misshe me bangbang. 268 00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:48,839 [ Laughter ] 269 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,521 Ooh! Oooh! 270 00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:00,888 Oh! He's onto something! 271 00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,323 Ye-ye-- 272 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:08,895 Aye! Pumpapakin. 273 00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:11,937 Pumpkin what? 274 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:15,441 Eh, brr. Da Pump-Pump-- 275 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:16,702 Yes. 276 00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:19,404 JOE: He's got to order you a Pumpkin Blizzard. 277 00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:21,310 [Slurps] 278 00:11:22,782 --> 00:11:25,148 Uh, Dairy Queen. 279 00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:28,319 Yeah, do! 280 00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:31,289 - Yeah! - Pumpkin Blizzard! 281 00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:32,688 Oh. 282 00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:34,192 [ Ding I 283 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,621 MURR: You're a pretty good guy, right? 284 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,130 I would say he's one of the best. 285 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,793 One of the best. People might arguably call you "Da Bomb." 286 00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:44,098 - Yeah, he's the bomb. - Yeah, I am the bomb. 287 00:11:44,170 --> 00:11:46,297 SAL: Q, the guy in front of you with the dark gray T-shirt, 288 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,340 you got to get him to say, "You're the bomb." 289 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:51,172 [ Laughter ] 290 00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:54,407 'Sup, bro? 291 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,607 Just hanging out at the old D.Q. 292 00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:58,310 [ Laughter ] 293 00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:01,376 I get free ice cream here for life. 294 00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:03,547 I stopped a robbery here. 295 00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:05,921 Yeah, they call me "Da Bomb" here. 296 00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:07,721 "Da Bomb." 297 00:12:07,794 --> 00:12:10,194 Yeah, I walk in, and they're like, "Oh, Da Bomb's here. 298 00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:12,288 Let's get him some free ice cream." 299 00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:16,301 It's weird. Just people keep calling me "Da Bomb." 300 00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:20,100 [ Laughter ] 301 00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:22,073 Not say, "Da Bomb." He's got to call you "Da Bomb." 302 00:12:22,141 --> 00:12:25,668 But if I was in your phone, what would I be in your phone? 303 00:12:27,814 --> 00:12:30,374 - On silent mode. - [ Laughter] 304 00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:31,678 Stonewalled! 305 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,810 Not "Da Bomb" or anything like that? 306 00:12:33,886 --> 00:12:35,820 All right, all right, but if I was over there 307 00:12:35,888 --> 00:12:38,880 and you had to call me, like, what would you call me? 308 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,390 [ Laughter ] 309 00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:46,691 All right, hey, man, you're da bomb. 310 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,064 I'm the bomb? 311 00:12:49,135 --> 00:12:51,103 All right! 312 00:12:51,170 --> 00:12:54,697 Last possible second, "Da Bomb" gets it! 313 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,366 [ Ding I 314 00:12:56,442 --> 00:13:00,276 NARRATOR: Murr gets the cold shoulder and takes a loss. 315 00:13:00,346 --> 00:13:02,337 Sal's the worst when it comes to going out to eat. 316 00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:04,576 He can't have a lot of choices in front of him. 317 00:13:04,651 --> 00:13:06,642 I like to wait, to see what everyone at the table gets. 318 00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:08,482 You can't make a decision. 319 00:13:08,554 --> 00:13:10,954 You're telling me to commit to one thing? 320 00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:13,083 You never been in a relationship more than a week. 321 00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:14,456 [ Laughter ] 322 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:17,160 We're hitting the streets, protesting something, 323 00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:19,027 but we don't know what it is. 324 00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:21,430 Because we've made ridonkulous protest signs for each other. 325 00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:24,368 The goal is have a stranger grab a sign and join in your protest. 326 00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,337 If you can't get them to join, you lose. 327 00:13:29,909 --> 00:13:32,707 This thing I'm protesting better be good, guys. 328 00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:34,872 Dude, it's something that needs to be done. 329 00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:37,347 All right, all right. I'm gonna take a look at this. 330 00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:38,907 SAL: Here he goes. 331 00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:42,443 [ Laughter ] 332 00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:45,423 Murray, it's about time this thing's got lifted, right? 333 00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,959 Folks, help me lift my restraining order. 334 00:13:48,027 --> 00:13:50,188 [ Laughing] I can't even do it. 335 00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:52,493 He can't even approach people. 336 00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:56,262 [ Laughing] Ma'am, please help me lift my restraining order. 337 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,499 Sir, please help me lift my restraining order. 338 00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:01,733 [ Laughter ] 339 00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:02,968 The only person he's gonna attract 340 00:14:03,042 --> 00:14:04,407 is someone who may have-- 341 00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:05,637 Shh, shh. 342 00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:07,509 What do you need? 343 00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:10,140 I need some help lifting my restraining order. 344 00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:11,649 At this point, it's been too long. 345 00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:14,881 I have been through a vaguely similar situation. 346 00:14:14,954 --> 00:14:17,149 You've been through vaguely similar situations? 347 00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:19,623 Told you! I told you the only person that's gonna come up 348 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,250 is someone who's in the same situation. 349 00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:24,228 - I was dating a Macedonian. - You were dating a Macedonian? 350 00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,356 - She was a bit of a slut. - Welcome to the party, sir. 351 00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:28,900 I'll take 2 sides of crazy and a little bit of insane. 352 00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:31,664 Then I find her on a date with a fat kid named Pete 353 00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:33,729 who looks like the new fat-kid dictator of North Korea. 354 00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:36,070 So I was pretty pissed off about that. 355 00:14:36,142 --> 00:14:37,803 Whoa! Hey-o! 356 00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:40,243 Good luck on that, buddy. 357 00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:41,712 Where are you guys? Come back. 358 00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:43,772 You do what you got to do. We're getting a cheeseburger. 359 00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:45,340 This guy is nuts. 360 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:55,455 That is the identical situation that I'm in. 361 00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:57,996 So will you help me and stand tall with me today 362 00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:00,624 and say, "Lift both of our restraining orders"? 363 00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:03,567 Not right now. Sorry. 364 00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:05,331 So not right now. But later, maybe? 365 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,770 No good, man. 366 00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:08,431 MURR: Like, text me. 367 00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:10,100 [ Buzzer ] 368 00:15:10,176 --> 00:15:12,235 Oh, I don't like this. 369 00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:13,801 - All right, buddy, go ahead. - Take a look at what you got. 370 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,245 M U RR: Flip your poster over. 371 00:15:15,314 --> 00:15:17,874 What would you say, about 2,000 people looking at me? 372 00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:20,384 JOE: They're gonna need to know about this cause. 373 00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,648 This is... 374 00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:24,587 "Tax that ass!" 375 00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:25,988 [ Laughter ] 376 00:15:26,058 --> 00:15:28,083 It's a cause you can really get behind. 377 00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:30,527 You want people to get behind "Tax that ass"? 378 00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:33,258 Less with the jibber-jabber and more with the protesting. 379 00:15:33,332 --> 00:15:34,697 Just saying. 380 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,826 Excuse me. Tax that ass? 381 00:15:36,903 --> 00:15:38,837 Want to help me tax that ass? 382 00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:40,338 JOE: Sal, what are you doing?! 383 00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:41,930 That's not the way a protest works. 384 00:15:42,008 --> 00:15:44,568 You just asked an old man if he wants to help you tax that ass. 385 00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:47,579 - Oh, yeah, I did. - Makes no sense. 386 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:48,978 Excuse me. 387 00:15:49,048 --> 00:15:50,811 Uh... 388 00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:56,014 I-I-I believe that we need to tax that ass. 389 00:15:56,088 --> 00:15:58,215 - Whose ass? - Whose ass? 390 00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,782 That one. 391 00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:03,693 Like, I mean, like the-- you know, like that ass. 392 00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:06,095 There's too many rich asses not being taxed. 393 00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:09,191 Yeah, then you ought to write "Tax that rich ass." 394 00:16:09,268 --> 00:16:10,929 I was just looking for someone... 395 00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:12,436 Don't take that sign. 396 00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:13,802 And tax that ass. 397 00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:16,068 To stand with me in unity. 398 00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,507 JOE: He's got to chance it. He's got to chance it. 399 00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:19,841 - So, can you do it with me? - Yeah, tax that ass. 400 00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:22,904 Tax that ass! Tax that ass! 401 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,711 BOTH: Tax that ass. 402 00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:26,046 - Tax that ass. - I can't believe it. 403 00:16:26,118 --> 00:16:27,779 Tax that ass! 404 00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:29,583 SAL: Whose ass? BOTH: That ass! 405 00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,520 - Whose ass? - That ass! 406 00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,081 Hey! 407 00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:35,150 [ Ding I 408 00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:37,355 You guys gave Q the pen, huh? 409 00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,421 Let's see him explain this. 410 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,490 Check it out, pal. Let's see what you think. 411 00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:45,637 Well, this is one that I don't know how 412 00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:47,969 you necessarily get people behind. 413 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:49,473 What are you washing? 414 00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:51,840 Whatever it is that you got to wash, do it after. 415 00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:53,503 What are you doing with it beforehand? 416 00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:54,705 [ Laughter ] 417 00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:57,214 Sir, real quick. Do you wash it after? 418 00:16:57,283 --> 00:16:59,080 Ma'am, do you wash it after? 419 00:16:59,151 --> 00:17:02,052 Trying to get people to wash it after. Do you wash it after? 420 00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:04,919 A movement starts with one man and ends with clean people. 421 00:17:04,991 --> 00:17:07,551 Do you wash it after? 422 00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:10,528 Everybody, wash it after! 423 00:17:10,596 --> 00:17:11,995 Don't just wash it before! 424 00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:14,760 Yeah, I'm looking for people to wash it after. 425 00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:16,893 Oh, Myrna, could you hold that one second? 426 00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:18,698 Just one second? 427 00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:20,898 Oh. She won't wash it after. 428 00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:22,531 Joe, I don't want to embarrass you, 429 00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:24,701 but Helen Keller could do better than you out there. 430 00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:27,575 You take this sign and be out here as long as I was 431 00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:29,410 and get somebody. 432 00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:31,313 I could take that sign from you and get someone to do it. 433 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,409 - [ Laughter] - No problem, I can do that. 434 00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:35,317 If you do that, I'll take the loss on the whole thing. 435 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,515 - Let's do it. - Oh! 436 00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,080 MURR: Q, this is a bad idea! 437 00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:40,716 SAL: I think this is a mistake on Q's part. 438 00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:42,852 - Good luck, sir. - Get back there, junior. 439 00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:44,226 Let me show you how it's done. 440 00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:45,594 You wrote this! 441 00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:47,462 - Are you nuts? - I got it. 442 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:52,094 Oh, what is it I'm washing? That's an excellent question. 443 00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:54,731 It's just a general movement I'm trying to start with people. 444 00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:56,297 You know how a lot of people wash it before? 445 00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:58,969 They get out there, they scrub it up and down, 446 00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:00,808 all over the place, looking good? 447 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:02,814 Lot of people, they walk around after 448 00:18:02,882 --> 00:18:05,350 all dirty and stinky and smelling. 449 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,113 It's no good. You don't like it. I don't like it. 450 00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:09,654 - No one likes it. - He might get it. 451 00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:11,690 - He's not gonna get it. - He's not gonna get it. 452 00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:13,850 You like this? Would you do me a favor? 453 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,518 Would you just follow me around a little bit? You will? 454 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:16,926 Oh, thank you. Come on. 455 00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:20,363 Wash it after! Wash it after! 456 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:24,699 - Joey Gatto, wash it after! - The first one! 457 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:25,930 Wash it after! 458 00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:27,472 [ Buzzer ] 459 00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,565 NARRATOR: Joe's big mouth lands him in big trouble, 460 00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:31,837 sending him straight to tonight's punishment. 461 00:18:32,244 --> 00:18:35,441 The problem with punishing Joe is that he will do anything. 462 00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:37,505 But will he let anything be done to him? 463 00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:39,608 Specifically his face. 464 00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:41,744 All right, I get it. I get what this is all about now. 465 00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:43,618 Oh, this is gonna suck. 466 00:18:45,324 --> 00:18:47,155 This is the best thing ever. 467 00:18:48,594 --> 00:18:50,186 Q: Yes, it is. 468 00:18:50,262 --> 00:18:53,322 Ladies and gentlemen, step right up to Joey's punishment. 469 00:18:53,399 --> 00:18:55,162 We have an assortment of disgusting items, 470 00:18:55,234 --> 00:18:58,362 so grab something and do what you want to Joe's face! 471 00:18:58,437 --> 00:19:00,735 Do not be shy, ladies and gentlemen! 472 00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:03,240 We have to use it all up. 473 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:04,537 [ Laughter ] 474 00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:07,238 Here we go, here we go. 475 00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:09,144 - What's up, man? - What's up? 476 00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:10,580 You want to do something to my face? 477 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,515 You just pick something up off the table 478 00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:13,847 and whatever you want to do. 479 00:19:13,919 --> 00:19:15,750 Great. Yeah. Yeah, grab the fish. 480 00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:17,755 JOE: That's a good idea. MURR: Oh, no. 481 00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,984 Q: Oh, right for the fish. 482 00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:21,390 Ohh! 483 00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:22,859 Oh! Ow! 484 00:19:22,928 --> 00:19:25,158 - You all right? - Great, man. Nice to meet you. 485 00:19:25,231 --> 00:19:27,199 Thanks. Thanks. 486 00:19:27,266 --> 00:19:29,564 Step right up. What's up, bro? 487 00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:31,569 Oh, yeah, a little whipped cream on the pie. 488 00:19:31,637 --> 00:19:33,628 Yeah, we're gonna put it together. 489 00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:35,697 This is terrible, guys. We shouldn't have done this. 490 00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:37,936 1,2,3. 491 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,568 [ Laughter ] 492 00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:45,476 Thanks, dude. Thanks, man. 493 00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:46,882 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 494 00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:48,351 - [ Laughter] - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 495 00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:50,355 That's great. That's perfect. 496 00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:52,220 Wait. Put a fake nose on him. 497 00:19:52,291 --> 00:19:55,089 This thing's small. It doesn't fit my nose. 498 00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:56,287 [ Laughter ] 499 00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:58,853 Hey, bud. Hey, bud, what's going on? 500 00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:00,193 Yeah. 501 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:02,899 [ Laughter ] 502 00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:04,959 Mayo gun. 503 00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:07,834 Yeah, yeah, take a video, Sal. 504 00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:09,738 'Cause it's not on national television! 505 00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:11,367 [ Laughing] 506 00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:14,106 Doing great, Joe! Who's next? Get in there! 507 00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:16,080 What's up, bud? Oh, yeah, sock full of powder? 508 00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:17,911 Oh! [Spits] 509 00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:20,577 [ Laughter ] 510 00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:22,450 Hey, what's up, bud? 511 00:20:22,521 --> 00:20:25,115 Yeah, good. Thanks for stopping by, man. 512 00:20:25,191 --> 00:20:27,421 [ Laughter ] 513 00:20:27,493 --> 00:20:29,859 He didn't even say anything. You're not even a gentleman! 514 00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:31,021 Come on, he's done, he's done. 515 00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:33,065 - The table's empty, guys! - Good job. 516 00:20:33,132 --> 00:20:34,224 [Bleep] 517 00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:35,961 Good job. 518 00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:38,196 Did great. Great job, guys. 519 00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:41,603 Joey, Joey! Oh, my God! No! Don't! 520 00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:43,835 No, I'll take it like a man. 521 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,206 No, I'm kidding. 522 00:20:45,277 --> 00:20:46,710 [ Laughter ] 523 00:20:48,848 --> 00:20:51,112 It's not my punishment. 35577

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