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NARRATOR: Coming up. ..
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I am an aspiring inventor.
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NARRATOR: What happens
when Joe and this lady
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don't see eye-to—eye?
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00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:14,140
That looks really crummy,
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and that's like
a really crappy idea.
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[ Laughter ]
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NARRATOR: what happens when
Murr needs someone to lean on?
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At what point does he
consider this to be maybe,
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possibly a drug overdose?
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NARRATOR: Can Q score with
this personal confession?
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I'm 36, I live alone,
and I have two cats.
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[ Laughter ]
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NARRATOR: And nothing can
save tonight's big loser
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from facing holy hell.
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[ Laughter ]
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We're inventors
conducting a focus group
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on our brand-new product.
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But we have no idea what it is
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since the invention was
created by the other guys.
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At the end, we'll ask them
how likely they are
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to buy the product
on a show of hands.
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Whoever gets the fewest hands
raised loses.
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- This is gonna be ugly.
- You're gonna be ugly.
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[Telephone rings]
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- I'll get it.
- Ha ha!
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So, how's everybody's day? Good?
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- Good.
- Good?
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Yeah, thank you for coming.
Appreciate it.
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I am an aspiring inventor,
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so I am here just to showcase
some of my prototype products.
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I will show you
my first product.
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We threw Joe under the bus
right at the top.
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There's no possible way
he can explain this product.
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JOE: Ok, so...
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MAN: Here we go, here we go,
here we go.
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I'm excited to show you
the product.
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What the hell is this?
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JOE: These here--
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Ha ha ha!
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I'm excited
about this product.
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So, these--these here I call...
these are, uh, brick-flops.
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They're flip-flops with bricks
attached on the bottom.
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[ Laughter ]
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What are you thinking
behind this?
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The thinking behind this
is you know about
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all the rage is
the exercise shoe.
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When you work out with these, it
focuses on the Achilles tendon,
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which is the weakest part
of the leg.
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WOMAN: I don't believe you.
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That looks really crummy, and
those look like used flip-flops,
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and that's like
a really crappy idea.
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I wish you would speak
your mind a little more.
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[ Laughter ]
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Working out's all the rage,
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and the brick-flop really
plugs into the market.
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Then you put them on
and show us.
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Yeah! Do it! Do it!
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No, I'm showing them to you.
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All right,
if you'd like me to--
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Yeah, take your socks off.
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Of course. I'll be more
than happy to show you.
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She's all over him, man.
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Well, I mean,
these aren't my size.
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[ Laughter ]
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[ Glass breaks ]
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This is not gonna--
Yeah, it's just a prototype.
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What the [bleep] dude?
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How much time
did you spend on it?
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This? About 20 minutes.
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[ Laughter ]
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The brick-flop is not a concept
that you're buying into.
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- No.
- No?
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- Probably not, no.
- Probably not.
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So, by show of hands,
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how many people
like the brick-flop?
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Zero. Ok.
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[ Laughter ]
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That was a brick-flop.
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Now, this is a product
I wanted to show you guys,
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I was excited about.
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This is...
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MEN: [Laughter]
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MAN: Explain that, Joe.
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This here is, uh...
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glasses with side-view mirrors
attached.
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[ Laughter ]
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JOE:
The mirrors are not for you.
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They're for people behind you
so they can see behind them.
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These actually are a great
accessory with the brick-flop,
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if you put it all together.
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MEN: [Laughter]
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I have to be honest.
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I really cannot imagine
anyone wearing those.
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Is it the color?
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MEN: [Laughter]
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By show of hands,
would you buy this product?
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As a gag gift maybe.
99
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:38,342
So that's a...
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00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:40,113
I would say maybe,
under some circumstances.
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- There's one. Ok.
- Oh! He got one!
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MAN: Gets a one.
He gets a one.
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Have a seat, please, guys.
Have a seat.
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MAN: Murray looks like
an inventor.
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SECOND MAN:
Like a mad scientist?
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No, that's right. I'm sorry.
Murr looks like a mad scientist.
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MAN: Yeah, there you go.
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I'm an inventor,
and from time to time,
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I have these focus groups
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00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,463
where I test out new concepts
for products.
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So let's take a look
at what we've got.
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We are bringing to market--
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Hopefully, if you like it...
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- What's that, Murr?
- What's that, Murr?
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00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:08,870
What's that, buddy?
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MEN: [Laughter]
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This is a pair of underwear.
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As you can see, it's a typical
pair of underwear in the front.
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00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:20,618
And what we've done on the back,
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00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:25,063
our team of experts have used
the patented, uh, uh...
121
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crap-zipper technology to--
and we've sewn it into the butt.
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00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,538
So as you can see,
you can open it up like that,
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00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,579
and you've got
the perfect pouch out the back
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00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:41,113
for quick access.
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00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:42,273
MEN: [Laughter]
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00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:43,680
Folks, feedback, quickly.
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Wouldn't the zipper
be sort of uncomfortable?
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00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:47,817
Ah! I'm glad you asked.
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00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:51,949
Well, keep in mind, this is
the crap-zipper technology,
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00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:53,253
and the inside
is much smoother
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00:04:53,326 --> 00:04:54,588
than your typical,
average zipper.
132
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:56,424
You know, one can say the same
thing about a front zipper,
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00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:57,656
which we all have in our pants.
134
00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:59,756
Like, wouldn't that be
a little bit dangerous?
135
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,926
Well, you know, we have it.
We use it all the time.
136
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,936
- We don't sit on it though.
- No.
137
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,301
[ Laughter ]
138
00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:07,272
But I'd much rather something
getting caught back there
139
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:08,432
than up there, you know?
140
00:05:08,508 --> 00:05:11,443
MEN: [Laughter]
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00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:13,945
If you had this, do you think
this is something
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00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:16,141
that you would find a use for?
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00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:18,377
- I don't think so.
- No?
144
00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:19,577
It's not something
that I would--
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Sir, if you had this,
do you think you would use it?
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00:05:22,522 --> 00:05:23,819
No.
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MURR: And how about you?
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I would never have that.
149
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,688
[ Imitates buzzer, laughter]
150
00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:31,731
You really took a [bleep]
on that one.
151
00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:32,924
My name's Brian Quinn.
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00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,296
Thank you, guys,
for coming down.
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I'm the president, CEO,
and founder of Quinndustries.
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- Quinndustries. Nice.
- This is a focus group.
155
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The more honest you are,
the more it helps me.
156
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So, for instance...
this is a beaut.
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MEN: [Laughter]
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MAN:
You don't even know what it is.
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- Yeah. Yep.
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00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:56,314
MAN: Aw!
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[ Laughter ]
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- Yes.
- This is, um...
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MAN: Explain that.
164
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MURR: This is the, uh...
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00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:05,396
[ Laughter ]
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00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:07,057
...Ampu-bear.
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00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:08,498
This is the Ampu-bear,
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00:06:08,568 --> 00:06:12,163
and he looks like
he's missing his arms,
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00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:14,230
and he is missing his arms.
170
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,605
And why, why,
why would we do that?
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00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:20,635
Because bears are scary
to children...
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- Oh!
- ...because of the claws.
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They're not gonna buy that.
They're not gonna buy that.
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You know what's not scary?
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00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:27,913
If the had no arms.
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MEN: [Laughter]
MURR: Now look at this.
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Don't you just want
to cuddle up with this?
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00:06:30,590 --> 00:06:31,716
Here's a nonthreatening--
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00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:32,951
Here's Ampu-bear.
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00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:34,857
There's a humor element to it,
you know?
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00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:36,623
Oh, yeah, if you find
dismembered bears funny.
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00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:38,391
I see where you're coming from.
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00:06:38,465 --> 00:06:40,399
MEN: [Laughter]
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00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:42,094
If I could just see
a show of hands
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00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:44,568
if you guys think that
you would buy this product.
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00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:46,538
No, no good. That's not a hand.
That's not a hand.
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MAN:
He's thinking, he's thinking!
188
00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:51,070
- One for Ampu-bear.
- Is this stumping you?
189
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:53,203
[ Bell rings]
190
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:54,713
My name is Sal Vulcano.
191
00:06:54,781 --> 00:06:56,271
I am an inventor and a patenter.
192
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:58,544
I love watching him bull[bleep]
his way through this.
193
00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:00,176
- He's not good at it.
- No.
194
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,686
These are mostly products
195
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:04,451
that I've identified a need for
in today's marketplace.
196
00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:09,587
[ Laughter ]
197
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,062
This is it.
198
00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:17,699
MEN: [Laughter]
199
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,295
Chinese spray.
200
00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:21,567
- It is manufactured in China.
- Yeah.
201
00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:23,666
It's made with Chinese liquids.
202
00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:26,644
It's for not just the Chinese.
203
00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:28,078
Currently, right now,
204
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:30,116
there's nothing like
Chinese spray out there,
205
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:32,083
so we just figured
"Let's get a spray out there
206
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:35,417
"like a Chinese spray
and see what happens."
207
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,388
[ Laughter ]
208
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:39,891
Questions?
209
00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:42,420
The purpose of
the Chinese spray?
210
00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:44,622
It's a spray.
211
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:46,495
What's that?
212
00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:51,534
Lt sprays right out.
213
00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:53,401
[ Laughter ]
214
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,804
A show of hands.
215
00:07:54,874 --> 00:07:57,809
Would anybody be interested
in the magic of Chinese spray?
216
00:07:59,846 --> 00:08:01,279
I didn't think so.
217
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:02,975
[ Laughter ]
218
00:08:03,049 --> 00:08:04,778
Some products are bad.
219
00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:06,011
I got other stuff.
220
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:07,576
Ok.
221
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,154
Last product.
222
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:13,351
[ Laughter ]
223
00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:20,658
MEN: [Laughter]
224
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,224
MAN: Turtle!
225
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,765
Good luck with that turt, Sal.
226
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:26,931
Oh, gosh.
227
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:30,041
This is a turtle
with a nine-volt battery
228
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,270
on the top of him.
229
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,538
MEN: [Laughter]
230
00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:35,206
We're gonna call it Dura-shell.
231
00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:37,340
[ Laughter ]
232
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:41,820
The battery slowly recharges
as the turtle walks.
233
00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:44,118
MEN: [Laughter]
234
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:51,057
This battery is
almost fully charged.
235
00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:55,791
So by a show of hands,
would any of you be interested
236
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,429
in the rechargeable
nine-volt-battery turtle?
237
00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:00,837
MEN: [Laughter]
238
00:09:00,907 --> 00:09:01,999
MAN: Zero.
239
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,667
Thank you for coming.
240
00:09:03,743 --> 00:09:06,041
MEN: [Laughter]
241
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:08,637
NARRATOR: Murr and Sal
couldn't focus their groups,
242
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:11,479
so they each earn a loss.
243
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,348
Sal is the king of returns.
244
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:15,354
Yeah. You got to know
when things are due back.
245
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:17,481
They're not due back.
You don't rent them.
246
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,184
I've worn a pair of slacks
for an entire season
247
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:20,351
and brought them back.
248
00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:22,054
- He stepped up his game.
- Yeah.
249
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:24,722
He bought one of those guns
that put tags on clothes.
250
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:25,890
You know, when they're like,
251
00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:27,057
"Well, it's got to have
the tags on it."
252
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:28,430
I'm like, "Don't worry
about it."
253
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:30,059
[ Laughter ]
254
00:09:30,603 --> 00:09:32,468
Shh! It's nap time!
255
00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:33,631
That's right.
256
00:09:33,706 --> 00:09:34,866
We've got to go up
to a complete stranger
257
00:09:34,941 --> 00:09:36,909
and fall asleep on them
for as long as possible.
258
00:09:36,976 --> 00:09:39,035
Whoever takes
the shortest nap loses.
259
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,374
I got this, boys.
260
00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:42,039
I'm good at two things:
taking craps and taking naps.
261
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:44,208
Already did one today.
262
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:48,312
MAN: All right, Murr,
white shirt right there.
263
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:49,685
SAL:
If I was that guy right now,
264
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:53,055
I'd already be like, "Why is
this guy all up in my grill?"
265
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:55,560
MURR: Here he goes.
266
00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:56,720
[ Bell rings]
267
00:09:56,796 --> 00:09:57,888
MEN: [Laughter]
268
00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:59,363
Oh, he's got him.
He's got him.
269
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,059
Oh, clock is running.
270
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:02,567
That's nice.
271
00:10:02,635 --> 00:10:04,398
What are you doing, dude?!
Wake him up!
272
00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:07,331
Ha ha!
273
00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:09,875
He's eating a sandwich.
274
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,911
You all right, Bud?
I'm gonna have my sandwich.
275
00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:13,707
At what point
does he consider this
276
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:16,044
to be maybe possibly
a drug overdose?
277
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,583
Ha ha!
278
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:18,912
Yeah, I would think this guy
is dead at this point.
279
00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:20,077
Yeah.
280
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:22,087
That's it. Stop the clock.
19 seconds, Murr.
281
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:24,783
Did l--
My apologies, my apologies.
282
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:26,951
MEN:
[ Laughter]
283
00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:29,119
MURR: I don't know how well
Sal's gonna do on this.
284
00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:30,924
You see the size of the noggin
on this guy?
285
00:10:30,997 --> 00:10:32,726
Yeah, this kid's got a
wrecking ball on his shoulders.
286
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,596
Sal, I heard they're trying
to knock down a building
287
00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:35,759
on 23rd street.
288
00:10:35,835 --> 00:10:37,097
You want to walk by,
help them out?
289
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,764
MURR: All right, Sal, try for
this guy right next to you.
290
00:10:42,675 --> 00:10:43,767
JOE: Here he goes.
Here he goes. He's doing it.
291
00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:45,333
MURR: Oh, oh, oh!
292
00:10:45,411 --> 00:10:46,810
I don't think the guy
noticed it.
293
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,313
Ha ha!
294
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:50,349
- Oh.
- He's on, he's on.
295
00:10:50,416 --> 00:10:52,611
MURR: Oh. Clock has started.
296
00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:57,415
SAL: Oh, I had a long night.
297
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,117
JOE: That's it, buddy.
They're onto you.
298
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:01,183
You're done.
299
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:02,353
You're
go
nn
a
90 39
a'
In?
300
00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:03,622
I'm willing to continue
the time.
301
00:11:03,696 --> 00:11:04,993
- All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I'll let it go.
302
00:11:05,064 --> 00:11:07,464
We'll give it to you.
303
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:09,058
There he goes.
He's back, he's back, he's back.
304
00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:10,466
[ Bell rings]
305
00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:12,095
MURR: The clock is ticking!
There you go!
306
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,867
He's like,
"Just let him sleep."
307
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:16,465
MURR:
He's letting him sleep!
308
00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:20,478
They've accepted it
as their reality.
309
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:22,139
MAN: He's keeping
calm and carrying on...
310
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:23,307
JOE: Yeah,
that's what he's doing.
311
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:24,543
With his fat head
sleeping on his shoulder.
312
00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:26,551
- Doing it again.
- Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
313
00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:27,916
JOE: Ha ha! 15 seconds!
314
00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:29,386
I'm still in the lead.
315
00:11:29,455 --> 00:11:31,514
MURR:
Ok, Joe, woman to your left.
316
00:11:31,591 --> 00:11:32,922
Joe does have
a distinct advantage
317
00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:35,324
in that nose
will touch someone
318
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:37,761
about 40 seconds
before the rest of his head.
319
00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:39,320
MURR: True.
They see you coming.
320
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:41,367
They can see what's going on.
321
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:45,563
MAN: There he goes,
there he goes.
322
00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:47,629
M U RR: There's contact.
He's got contact.
323
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,368
MEN: [Laughter]
324
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:56,346
MAN: She pushed him,
she pushed him.
325
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:57,508
No. Whoa, whoa!
326
00:11:57,584 --> 00:11:59,552
Keep the clock going!
Keep the clock going!
327
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:00,779
That counts!
328
00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:03,014
That's only 12 seconds, Joe.
329
00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:04,215
That is not enough.
330
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:06,315
You know what?
Q's got the advantage.
331
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:07,552
Most people think he's homeless.
332
00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:09,219
So if he falls asleep on them,
it's no big deal.
333
00:12:09,295 --> 00:12:11,593
Q, you need 20 seconds to win.
334
00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:14,497
Oh, the "fall asleep on
somebody asleep already" move.
335
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,057
This is--
this is unprecedented.
336
00:12:16,135 --> 00:12:17,227
MURR: Oh, the guy's waking up!
337
00:12:17,303 --> 00:12:19,237
[ Bell rings]
338
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:21,102
He's letting him stay.
He's letting him stay.
339
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:22,539
He's letting him stay.
340
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:23,701
MURR: Oh, my God!
341
00:12:23,776 --> 00:12:24,868
He's trapped.
342
00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:27,708
At this point,
at this point, he's trapped.
343
00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:28,872
JOE: The guy's asleep again.
MURR: No, he didn't.
344
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:30,040
JOE: The guy is asleep again.
345
00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:31,413
The guy is asleep again.
346
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,384
The guy fell back asleep.
347
00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:36,382
They're two grown men
sleeping on each other
348
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:38,720
in the park!
349
00:12:38,791 --> 00:12:39,917
All right, Q, that's 20 seconds.
350
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:41,221
You win.
351
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:44,893
Stop being a jerk, Q.
352
00:12:44,964 --> 00:12:46,397
We get it. You won.
353
00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:50,728
Q is using this man
like a Jennifer Convertible.
354
00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:54,568
Let's see how
long this goes.
355
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:56,871
I've never seen this
in my life.
356
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:58,171
SAL: Unreal.
357
00:12:58,244 --> 00:13:00,940
He's breaking records.
358
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:03,881
JOE: Oh, my God!
359
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:07,283
The guy is now awake with
a stranger sleeping on him.
360
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:08,718
MURR: Is this guy made
of goose down?
361
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,585
What is going on?
362
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,522
Oh, my God.
363
00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:15,026
He looks like a baby bird
waiting to be fed.
364
00:13:15,094 --> 00:13:16,823
MEN: [Laughter]
365
00:13:16,896 --> 00:13:18,625
He's going for the lap.
366
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,267
MEN: [Laughter]
367
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:26,370
SAL:
Ah, you took it too far, man.
368
00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:29,772
JOE: 1:24. Unbelievable, Q.
369
00:13:29,842 --> 00:13:32,037
SAL: Now this guy's
going back to sleep?
370
00:13:32,111 --> 00:13:33,373
MEN: [Laughter]
371
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:35,038
NARRATOR: Joe couldn't
sleep it off,
372
00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:36,877
putting him
on the loser board.
373
00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:39,212
You know,
if you have narcolepsy,
374
00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:40,513
you can fall asleep at work,
375
00:13:40,586 --> 00:13:41,985
no one's allowed to say
anything, anytime you want.
376
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:44,023
How do we get diagnosed
with narcolepsy?
377
00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:46,024
I used to work with a guy--
his name was Charles--
378
00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:47,616
and he was like 70.
379
00:13:47,694 --> 00:13:48,820
He had narcolepsy.
380
00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:50,760
[ Laughing]
381
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,557
Sorry, Charles.
382
00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:55,828
[ Laughter ]
383
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:57,867
We're at compare foods
in Brooklyn,
384
00:13:57,937 --> 00:14:00,132
trying to talk customers
out of a product
385
00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:01,366
they're about to buy.
386
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:02,533
Why can't they buy it?
387
00:14:02,608 --> 00:14:03,802
Well, we don't know yet.
388
00:14:03,876 --> 00:14:06,003
We'll be given a random
reason by the other guys.
389
00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:08,138
If you can't get someone to
put it back using that reason,
390
00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:09,476
you lose.
391
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:12,476
JOE: The best part about this
392
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:14,179
is Murray has no idea
how to food-shop.
393
00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:15,481
He doesn't know how to cook
or food-shop.
394
00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:17,785
The only thing he does is exist.
395
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,017
SAL: [ Laughs]
396
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:20,616
JOE: There you go, Murr,
right in front of you.
397
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:21,921
No, no, no, no!
398
00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:23,484
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
399
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:26,088
I definitely wouldn't get
that mixed fruit.
400
00:14:26,165 --> 00:14:27,291
I'll tell you why.
401
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,528
Origami.
402
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:31,069
I'll tell you why.
403
00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:32,695
Because of origami.
404
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:36,105
You know the Japanese art of
making things out of paper?
405
00:14:36,175 --> 00:14:37,437
You know exactly what
I'm talking about, right?
406
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:39,808
So, yeah, I definitely wouldn't
get that mixed fruit.
407
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,172
Little-known fact--
408
00:14:42,248 --> 00:14:46,912
that company has been
single-handedly closing
409
00:14:46,986 --> 00:14:51,286
every single origami
university in Japan.
410
00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:53,120
- [ Laughter]
- What?!
411
00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:54,887
Which is a little bit of BS,
if you ask me.
412
00:14:54,961 --> 00:14:56,053
So are you gonna switch?
413
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:57,221
Are you gonna put those back?
414
00:14:57,296 --> 00:14:58,524
- Oh!
- Thank you so much.
415
00:14:58,598 --> 00:14:59,690
Come on, lady!
416
00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:01,028
Have a great day.
417
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:02,590
[ Bell rings]
418
00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:04,568
SAL: Q, the girl right there
with the can of soup.
419
00:15:05,938 --> 00:15:07,064
Ooh, you know what?
420
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:08,300
I, actually, if I were you,
421
00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:10,808
would not get that particular
can of soup right there.
422
00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:13,175
'Cause I'm 36, I live alone,
and have 2 cats.
423
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:15,714
- Because...
- [ Laughter]
424
00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:17,340
It's all true!
425
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:18,884
I'm 36...
426
00:15:21,387 --> 00:15:23,218
MEN: [Laughter]
427
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:28,053
I'm 36, I live alone,
and I have 2 cats.
428
00:15:28,127 --> 00:15:29,389
[ Laughter ]
429
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:31,259
I don't know if I'm supposed
to be ashamed of that,
430
00:15:31,330 --> 00:15:37,269
but I open the soup can, and
when I open that, they go nuts.
431
00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:39,236
That will attract cats.
432
00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:40,738
You open that in your house,
433
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:41,899
you're not gonna be able
to sleep at night.
434
00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:43,066
There's gonna be cats.
435
00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:44,234
Yeah, right there.
436
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:45,402
- Oh!
- Oh!
437
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:46,672
Thank you.
438
00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:48,737
Oh, my God, her face! Ha!
439
00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:50,578
She's giving Q a pity face.
440
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:52,083
[ Bell rings]
441
00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:54,176
SAL: See what's going on here,
boys, right?
442
00:15:54,253 --> 00:15:55,914
He wore that same
stupid, purple shirt --
443
00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:58,388
- Oh!
- Lavender glow of love.
444
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,050
What is the thought process
because--
445
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:01,457
I'll tell you why.
446
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:02,926
Lights 'em up.
447
00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:04,519
Ha ha!
448
00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:08,260
SAL: Joe, this guy coming up
behind you--that's your man.
449
00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:10,632
- Oh, I wouldn't--
I wouldn't get that broth.
450
00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:11,931
Yeah.
451
00:16:12,004 --> 00:16:14,438
- Um...
- Algonquin round table.
452
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:16,668
The Al-gon-kin round table.
453
00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:19,336
SAL: Joe, it's al-gon-kwin.
454
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:21,175
It's famous!
455
00:16:21,247 --> 00:16:24,546
Um, it's based on
an old wives' tale
456
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:28,917
about how chicken stock
could cure, you know,
457
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,182
all disease back in the day.
458
00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:33,316
Do you know of
the Algonquin round table?
459
00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:34,654
Oh, okay.
460
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,058
Well, it's an old fable
where they thought
461
00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:37,925
that that chicken stock
would be healthier.
462
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,123
Where did they think that?
463
00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:41,496
That was at
the Algonquin round table.
464
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:45,833
They are proponents of it
being a cure-all, right?
465
00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:47,770
Yeah, that's what they say.
466
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,900
But it's not true, so just go
ahead and grab another one.
467
00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:52,376
MEN: [Laughter]
468
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:56,147
Aw! Really?
469
00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:59,412
I thought I put up a good, good
argument for the Algonquins.
470
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,314
- You don't know...
- Ha ha!
471
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:05,584
Q: Joe, the girl
in the gray sweater.
472
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:07,922
Oh, I wouldn't--
I wouldn't get that soup.
473
00:17:07,994 --> 00:17:09,621
Yeah, that soup I wouldn't get.
474
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:11,219
You got to be kidding me.
475
00:17:11,297 --> 00:17:12,389
That's all it took?!
476
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:13,659
I mean, sometimes
when you hear it
477
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:16,031
from a guy in a lavender shirt,
you just take it for--
478
00:17:16,102 --> 00:17:17,933
Right? Sometimes,
you don't even need words.
479
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:20,837
That's the power of
the lavender shirt, my friends.
480
00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:21,999
MEN: [Laughter]
481
00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:23,837
[ Bell rings]
482
00:17:23,910 --> 00:17:25,241
MURR: Sal, here you go.
483
00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:27,973
Lady with the blazer.
484
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,776
[ Groans ]
485
00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:32,113
Uh, I don't know
if I would get it.
486
00:17:32,184 --> 00:17:33,412
[ Laughs ]
487
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:35,613
The reason I wouldn't get
that particular noodle...
488
00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:37,383
Is because of hot ham water.
489
00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:38,980
MEN: [Laughter]
490
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,685
is, uh...
491
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,820
is because of hot ham water.
492
00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:46,762
Uh, let me explain.
493
00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:51,166
The thing is, l, uh...
uh...what happened was...
494
00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:54,634
have you ever heard
of ultimate Frisbee?
495
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:57,208
I invented ultimate Frisbee.
496
00:17:57,276 --> 00:17:59,403
"l invented
ultimate Frisbee."
497
00:17:59,478 --> 00:18:01,207
There was a rival
ultimate Frisbee league,
498
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:04,579
and this noodle was
the biggest supporter,
499
00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:06,515
proponent of that league,
500
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:09,282
and so there's a little bit
of an old rivalry there.
501
00:18:09,355 --> 00:18:11,516
- Uh, hot ham water?
- Oh!
502
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,252
When are you gonna get to that?
503
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:17,387
Well, you know, 'cause what
they do is hot ham water, right?
504
00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:18,555
He lost himself.
505
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:20,531
He has no idea where to go.
506
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,728
Uh...you know what?
I have--Just get it.
507
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,862
- I don't--
- [ Laughter]
508
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,839
NARRATOR: Sal lands himself
in hot ham water
509
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:31,240
as tonight's big loser.
510
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,602
We're at the Tea Lounge
for Sal's punishment.
511
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:35,510
And if there's one thing
he hates, it's--
512
00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:36,741
You.
513
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:39,148
Well, another thing you hate
is big, obnoxious scenes.
514
00:18:39,218 --> 00:18:40,515
True.
515
00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:43,749
Sal, today, you will be the
big, obnoxious scene, my friend,
516
00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:46,087
'cause we have seized control
of your laptop speakers.
517
00:18:46,158 --> 00:18:48,092
And then we've loaded
some fun sounds in there
518
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,151
for everyone in
the quiet coffee shop to enjoy.
519
00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:51,321
What types of sounds?
520
00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:53,228
- Fun sounds.
- Fun for who?
521
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:54,425
Us.
522
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:55,592
What about me?
523
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:57,260
Un-fun. Un-fun for you.
524
00:19:01,107 --> 00:19:02,699
Q: Yeah, that's you right there,
buddy.
525
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:05,175
Pull up a chair. Get comfy.
526
00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:10,040
He's checking out
the whole crowd.
527
00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:11,845
He sees there's a lot
of old people here.
528
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:13,885
Dude, old people?
Have you seen the nun?
529
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,919
Oh...
530
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,457
Q: He saw the nun.
531
00:19:26,565 --> 00:19:29,500
[Woman moaning]
532
00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:35,173
[Woman moaning]
533
00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:37,004
[ Laughter ]
534
00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:38,509
[ Moaning continues]
535
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:43,508
Sorry.
536
00:19:43,582 --> 00:19:45,482
[ Moaning continues]
537
00:19:47,219 --> 00:19:48,811
[Woman squeals]
538
00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:54,156
MAN: Oh, yeah. Oh.
539
00:19:54,226 --> 00:19:56,285
Time-out, please.
Time-out, please. Stop.
540
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:59,388
[Woman moaning]
541
00:19:59,465 --> 00:20:00,989
I'm not good--I'm not good
with computers.
542
00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:02,830
My bad.
Sorry. Sorry, everybody.
543
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:04,301
[Woman moaning]
544
00:20:07,239 --> 00:20:09,332
The guy unplugged
the speakers.
545
00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:12,672
I have to.
546
00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:19,541
[ Laughter ]
547
00:20:19,618 --> 00:20:21,210
I'm not crazy.
548
00:20:21,287 --> 00:20:23,448
It won't happen again.
549
00:20:24,690 --> 00:20:26,021
Thanks, man.
550
00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:29,259
Plug it in.
551
00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:31,592
It's a punishment.
You don't get to say no.
552
00:20:37,436 --> 00:20:38,767
MAN: Oh, yeah.
553
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:40,203
[Woman moans, laughs]
554
00:20:40,272 --> 00:20:43,708
[ Moaning continues]
555
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:45,038
[ Horse neighs]
556
00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:46,544
Sorry, Sister.
557
00:20:47,613 --> 00:20:49,080
[ Moaning continues]
558
00:20:50,449 --> 00:20:52,383
Sorry!
559
00:20:52,451 --> 00:20:54,248
MAN: Yeah.
560
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:57,050
[ Monkey screeching ]
561
00:20:57,123 --> 00:20:59,284
[Cow moos]
562
00:20:59,358 --> 00:21:00,655
[ Moaning continues]
36901
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