Original subtitles

NARRATOR: What happens when Q and Murr

are forced to get intimate?

[ Laughing]

NARRATOR: What's got Sal speaking in tongues?

Hey, everybody!

[ Laughs ]

NARRATOR: And Joe sticks his nose

where it really doesn't belong.

- [ Gasps] - Oh, oh, oh!

NARRATOR: But will tonight's big loser be stripped of

more than just his dignity in the most revealing dare yet?

[ Chanting ] Take it off! Take it off!

[ Laughter ]

- Here we go! - Yeah!

We're at Rapid Realty, teaming up to teach

sensitivity training to their employees.

The catch is, we've designed the presentations for each other

to be as insensitive as possible.

When finished, we'll ask the employees

to raise their hands if they learned something.

Whichever teams get the fewest hands loses.

Hi, everyone. How are you?

- Hello, hello. - Hi. Welcome.

[ Door closes]

We are from Sensitivity Coaches, Inc.

We've been hired to come speak with you today on issues such as

sensitivity in the workplace...

In situations like these, you see how much of a natural

bull[bleep] he really is.

Yeah, but no amount of bull[bleep] is gonna get him

through the presentation we made.

OK, insensitivity pitfalls.

So, here's the appropriate way

to tell an Indian that their lunch smells funny.

[ Laughing]

OK.

[ Laughing]

Remember, sensitivity is key.

[ Laughs ]

Uh, Brindash, how you doing, buddy?

[ Laughs ]

That smells really good. How is that?

It's very good. My wife made it.

The thing is, though, um, I'm kind of allergic to curry.

- Oh. - Yeah.

Mm. I'm so sorry.

So, I don't want to infringe upon your right to eat curry.

What if, whenever I bring in curry,

I eat it outside the office?

I would really appreciate that.

- Positivity. - Positivity.

[ Laughing]

Now...the n-words that you can use.

[ Laughing]

- None. - None.

You cannot use any n-words in the office ever.

- Next slide. - [ Chuckles ]

The appropriate way to kiss a co-worker hello.

[ Laughing]

The answer is very simple--you do not kiss a co-worker hello.

Next slide.

And then the wrong way to...

Right, of course.

Uh, demonstrate...

[ Laughs ]

...the wrong way to kiss a co-worker hello.

Talk her up, fat Rosie O'Donnell.

[ Laughing]

[ Laughing]

What we'd like to do is take a quick survey by hand.

If you feel like you've taken value from today's seminar,

please raise your hand.

One, two. [ Ding! ]

[ Laughs ]

That's two. Great.

Hello, folks. How's it going?

Hey, how are you?

Thank you for coming to our sensitivity training.

They look like the sort of [bleep]

that would teach this, right?

Yeah, they do.

So, workplace-sensitivity training today

for a better tomorrow.

Is it ever OK to say, "Nice boobies"?

[ Laughs ]

[ Ding! ] Yes. OK?

Why don't you tell them about it, Sal?

[ Laughing]

Is it ever OK to say, "Nice boobies"?

Yes, if "boobies" is referring to

something other than female breasts.

Yes. Does anyone here speak the Queen's English?

You know, they call over there, you know, they--

They call their children boobies.

Right, they call children boobies.

Oh, wow.

If it was "Bring your kids to work" day, and you had your kids

and I was English, I would say, "Oh, nice boobies."

Yes, and, "You got a nice set of boobies," if they have twins.

[ Laughs ]

Is it ever OK to say, "Nice titties"?

[ Laughs ]

- Yes. - [ Laughing]

Look at Sal keeping it together.

What's back there, Sal? What are you looking at?

If the word doesn't refer to what you think it does,

then that's where you learn something.

"Titties" doesn't necessarily have to mean the female breasts.

[ Laughs ]

Sal, hold it together.

[ Laughing]

He just left the room.

- All right. - [ Laughing]

So, let's say, for instance, you come and say to you, uh--right?

--if you're wearing a titty ring.

- This will be for the next one. - OK, bring that in.

As long as it doesn't refer to the female breasts,

we're OK.

Absolutely.

[ Laughing]

Oh, here we go.

How not to behave in the workplace.

"Play video demonstration number 1."

What they don't know is that we secretly filmed their sisters

and put it in their presentation.

This is what I've been waiting for all day.

[ Laughing ] Yeah.

[ Laughs ]

That is Sal's sister.

Yeah, it's your sister, buddy.

Jenna, were you able to get those reports out?

Yes, I was. And I was afraid that they

wouldn't get there on time, but they will be there on time.

I sent out 3 copies.

Excellent.

Look at Q's hand, look at Q's hand!

You're doing a great job.

Thank you, Mr. Quinn.

A great job.

Thank you. I appreciate that.

- Next slide. - Mm-hmm.

I really like what you did here, Carla.

It's excellent work.

That's Joe sister.

[ Laughing]

It may be something our South American colleagues

might like, you know?

OK.

[ Laughing]

All right.

Sure.

OK.

That is my sister that is being molested

by a ferret-looking man.

[ Laughing]

[ Laughing]

Fun and professional.

You shouldn't have any problems.

Just by a show of hands, let us know who felt like they learned

something new here today.

- Of value. - Yes. 1, 2...

1,2,3.

[ Ding! ] Aw!

NARRATOR: Murr and Q are feeling sensitive

because they both take a loss.

If Murr ever ended up in a boss position,

how fast before a lawsuit is smacked on him?

[ Laughter ]

"The good news is, we're promoting you to vice president.

The bad news is, you've just been charged with harassment."

[ Laughter ]

We are at the Staten Island Ferry...

- Whoo! - Whoo-hoo!

...trying to get strangers to guess which famous person

we think they look like.

The catch is, the person we're describing doesn't exist.

The other guys will be providing the details via these cards.

If you can't get someone to take a guess about

who we're describing, you lose.

I-I recognize you.

You--are you famous?

You--you look like a--you look like

a sloppy-drunk poker player.

No? [Chuckles] Damn it.

You are a famous person.

You look so familiar.

Not at all?

She says no. He goes, "Are you sure?"

[ Laughter ]

I'm pretty sure she knows

if she's a famous person.

You're that guy from, uh...

MAN: Yeah? SAL: Yeah, you.

SAL: Are you famous? MAN: No.

Does anyone ever tell you you look like somebody?

- No. - You look exactly like, uh,

the guy on the TV show that has, like, that sassy dog.

The dog's always like [ barking ].

[Chuckling ] You know what I mean--a sassy dog?

- No. - No? Really?

H-he talks like this. "Hey, everybody!"

[ Laughter ]

OK. Maybe this one will ring a bell.

- OK. - He burps when he sleeps,

but he farts when he's awake.

[ Laughter ]

You know who I'm talking about.

He talks like this. "Hey, everybody!"

He burps when he sleeps, he farts when he's awake.

- You know him? - No.

Aw! You don't want to say the name?

[ Laughter ]

- No, I don't. - No, he doesn't know who that guy is.

I had nothing. I'm like, "Hey, everybody!"

[ Laughter ]

Who talks like that?

[ Laughter ]

Oh, my God. For a second, I thought

you were that actor.

Yeah, yeah.

God, you look like that guy, right--the guy from that movie?

The actor from the--you're in the commercials, right?

Q: You're in commercials? MAN: No, no.

Look like--the enema commercials--that guy?

- No. - You know who I'm talking about, though?

And he--and he slept with David Copperfield by accident.

How do you sleep with David Copperfield by accident?

Sleight of hand? [ Laughter ]

The guy from the enema commercial.

You know who I'm talking about?

He was in, uh-- he went ape[bleep]?

Remember, the guy went ape[bleep]?

He tried to set his thoughts on fire?

Crazy guy. [ Laughter ]

Charlie Sheen! That's it!

That's Charlie Sheen! [ Laughter]

Very nice to meet you.

You too, sir, you too.

Charlie Sheen.

Just met Charlie Sheen. [ Ding! ]

Dude, you know who you look like?

Hold on one sec.

You know who you look like?

Uh, hold on one sec.

Uh...aw! What's the name of the guy?

The guy that plays professional ping-pong--

the really famous athlete?

Oh, you don't--oh, my God! What's his name?!

Oh, you know what? [ Chuckles ]

He's the guy that got a [ Laughs]

He's the guy that got a presidential pardon

for all his work with Scandinavian cuisine.

You--you really got me now.

Nobody? Take a guess.

You don't know who he is?

Let's keep giving him more cards.

I got nothing.

Oh, my God. He's the guy that had sex

in the trunk of a Volvo.

[ Laughter ]

He's the guy that looks like a skinny, white Oprah.

His symbol is the x's for eyes and the sad face.

MURR: What is his name?! MAN: Dude...

The blank guy--the guy with nothing at all?

That's what I'm drawing right now--a blank.

[ Laughter ]

Damn it!

- Oh, what's up? - Yo.

Oh. Oh, you look like that famous guy.

- Which famous... - You look like, uh--

you got to hear it all the time.

- Who? - Seriously, you don't get--

I thought you were him right away.

You look like the hip-hop mogul who sacrificed everything

for a Fruit Roll-Up.

[ Laughter ]

You know what I mean?

He's a hip-hop mogul now?

You look just like him.

He--aw.

He, uh, he--he invented the erotic Rubik's Cube?

Do you ever hear of that thing?

You know, you put it on and you do--

you got to figure out the color?

Yeah, but you look just like him.

Uh, you're tall, dark, and handsome,

but really dark, if you know what I mean.

[ Laughter ]

Tall, dark, handsome, but really dark.

Dude, no, you know who I'm talking about, though, right?

He's a mogul, traded it all in for a Froot Loop?

No. Got him.

Oh, all right.

[ Laughter ]

You [bleep] idiot.

I thought you were that famous guy.

You look just like the pop singer with the shingles.

She swallowed that baby duck years ago?

He licks first, asks questions later.

He has lovely lady lumps?

He has lovely lady lumps?

He's like Steve Carell with a bigger nose?

He's got hands the size of stingrays.

He got hand--oh.

[ Chuckles ]

He slept with Ja Rule's brother Bra Rule.

No? No?

Who doesn't--you know who I'm talking...

[ Laughter ]

NARRATOR: Sal, Joe, and Murr look like 3 losers.

Babies don't really look like anyone.

People are like, "Oh, do you look like the mom

or look like the dad?"

I can never tell, and I always lie my way through it.

They all look like Winston Churchill.

[ Laughter ]

You know that hot receptionist in your office?

Get her out of your head. You're stuck with us.

We're posing as receptionists in a waiting room

at a chiropractor's office.

We have to do what the other guys tell us.

Remember how we all said we'd wear suits?

[ Laughter ]

I'm gonna be sitting back there.

Nobody's gonna see me from here down.

Hey, how you doing, man?

Cool. Yeah, just sign in right there.

"Thanks, backpack."

[ Laughter ]

Thanks, backpack.

[ Laughter ]

Hey, Q, can you just get up and walk around the counter?

'Cause there's something around the front, buddy,

I think you need to get.

[ Laughing] Oh, he's in his shorts.

Q's not wearing any pants.

[ Laughter ]

There we go.

Make sure he looks at you.

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughing] He's got no shoes.

Point and shoot.

[ Laughter ]

In the office, we have casual Friday, you know?

Is today Thursday?

Is today really Thursday?

"I'm off on Thursdays."

[ Chuckling ] I'm off on Thursdays. What?

Say, "I'm all business from the waist up."

Well, I'm all business from the waist up, so...

"And all pleasure from the waist down."

[ Laughter ]

I'm all pleasure from the waist down.

Point at it with a pencil.

[ Laughter ]

Am I straight, or am I gay?

"What's today?"

What's today, Thursday?

[ Laughter ]

Oh!

[Ding!]

- What's your name? - Candace.

Candace, you can have a seat. We'll be right with you, OK?

Murr, she's pretty, huh?

The problem is, she's a little prettier than you right now.

So I want you to reach into the drawer to your right, there.

There's a little compact mirror and some lipstick.

[ Laughter ]

Quick touch-up. [ Laughter ]

Where you from?

Born in New York, raised in Texas.

Texas?

- Yeah. - Wow.

[ Man chuckles]

Wow. That's crazy.

CAN DACE: Yeah. [ Man laughs ]

Murr, do it sloppy.

Like, get it on the corner of your lips.

[ Laughter ]

Don't do it like you've done it a thousand times before.

[ Laughter ]

Let me ask you something.

If I was to go anywhere in Texas,

where do you think I should go?

Austin's fun.

Yeah? Is it a very tolerant town--

accepting of all different types, cultures?

[ Laughter ]

SAL: Hello. How are you? WOMAN: Good.

Just have a seat. We'll be right with you.

- I'm sorry, your names? I didn't know your name.

- Lauren. - I'm sorry, what was your name?

Lauren. Also Lauren.

Oh, it's two Laurens?

Hey, Sal, can you call the girl on the left up?

Um, can you just come up here real quick?

"Lauren, you can have a seat. It will just be one minute."

[ Laughter ]

You have a seat. I'll be right with you.

- OK. - Thank you.

Call the friend up.

[ Laughter ]

Lauren 2, can you come up one second, please?

"You can have a seat. it'll just be one minute."

He'll be ready for you in just a minute, Lauren.

SAL: You have a seat. LAUREN: OK.

[ Man laughs]

"Hey, uh, hey, Laurens."

Hey, Laurens? Laurens?

You can come on up with your stuff.

Uh-huh. OK.

"it'll just be a minute. You can have a seat."

And it'll just be a minute. You can have a seat.

Ready to call another Lauren up?

MAN: "Lauren..." SAL: Lauren, can I see you?

And now you want the other Lauren.

I'm sorry. The other Lauren.

[ Laughter ]

They'll be with you in one moment.

Just have a seat. [ Laughter]

[Ding!]

Hey, gentlemen, how are you?

You can have a seat right there.

MAN: We're gonna toss Joe a curve ball here.

Yes, I do, right here-- a quick right.

Joe, go over and sniff that guy's seat, now that he left.

[ Laughter ]

Come on, while the other guy's still there,

get over there and sniff his seat.

- Go sniff his seat. - [ Laughing ]

[Sighs]

I've been waiting till he got up.

MAN: He's doing it.

[Sniffing]

- Oh! - Oh, oh!

[ Laughing]

Oh!

You're not done, Joe.

Ask this guy to get up, and then smell his seat.

- [ Chuckles ] - Do it.

My God.

- Mnh-mnh. - Aw!

NARRATOR: Joe can't smell victory, and takes a loss.

That means Joe and Murr are both big losers.

It's a first-ever double punishment.

Both Murr and Joe lost, so their double punishment is

"Strip high-five."

What's "strip high-five"?

Oh, that's where you stand in front of hundreds of strangers,

and the two of you take turns getting high fives.

But for every person that does not high-five you,

you remove an article of clothing.

And the punishment doesn't end till one of you is naked.

"Strip high-five"!

This sucks so bad.

Gentlemen's bet--l have my Washington on Joe.

Murr, I got a dollar on you, buddy.

All right, here goes Joe.

High five.

[ Ding! ] MAN: Bravo!

MAN: Oh!

MAN: You're up, Murr.

My man, high five.

- There you go. - [ Laughs ]

[Ding!]

Murray answers back!

Hey, hey, high five. High five.

[ Laughter ]

Why would you ask someone with headphones in?

Horrible, horrible choice, Joe.

There you go, Murr. There's your boy.

High five.

[ Laughter ]

I still got you, Murr. You're still my horse.

Heating up, heating up.

High five. High five.

[ Laughter ]

Oh, Joe!

He wasn't in your path.

MURR: High five. MAN: Look at this.

- Aw! - In your face!

In your face! Whoo-hoo!

High five.

High five, buddy.

[ Ding! ] Oh! Yeah!

MURR: High five. MAN: There you go, buddy, there you go.

[ Ding! ] Ah.

Aw!

[ Ding! ] Touche!

Murr, Murr, Murr, Murr, Murr!

Right there. Yes! [ Ding! ]

Right back into Joe's court.

Oh, they're going shot for shot.

High five, my man.

MAN: Aw! [ Laughter ]

MAN: Time to show us that belly, Joe.

[ Laughs ]

[Bleep] it sucks. Come on.

[ Laughter ]

Murr, you have to stand strong here if you want to win.

I'm still clothed.

Right here. High five.

MAN: Here he goes, here he goes. MURR: High five.

- No way. - No high five.

- No high five. - No five.

MAN: Let them titties show, Murr.

[ Chanting ] Take it off! Take it off!

Take it off!

MAN: Shirts are off.

Good luck either one of them getting a high five now.

Sir, high five.

[ Laughter ]

MURR: [Bleep] MAN: [ Chuckling ] Oh, no.

Oh, Joe, Joe, Joe.

This is a rough one.

[Man laughing]

[ Laughter ]

JOE: Now my business is all up out there.

You and I have constructed the most public of humiliations.

Miss, can you high-five me?

[Ding!]

MAN: Murr might pull away with this one.

[ Ding! ] JOE: Thank you. MAN: Oh!

Right back at ya.

That's a bounce back.

Well played, Joe.

Look at this, Murr, look at this.

- Yeah. Here you go. - Here we go.

MAN: Oh! [ Laughter ]

MAN: You got psyched.

Psych! [ Laughs]

MAN: Oh, my God!

[ Laughs ]

MAN: Oh, my God, they're down to their undies!

Look at this!

My man. Now or never.

Oh, my God, oh, my God, here--

[Ding!]

Aah!

Va-va-voom!

I can't take it, I can't take it!

an” I got the high five, and you can't have it an”

MAN: All right, this is it.

It's either a high five or a naked Murray.

Ma'am, please give me a high five.

Please, give me a high five. Please.

Oh, no!

Yeah! Yeah! Yes! Yeah!

Aah! Yes!

Yes! I love you!

[ Laughter ]

[ Chanting ] Take it off! Take it off!

Take it off! Take it off!

Take it off! Take it off!

Take it off! Take it--

[ Laughter, applause]

Va-voom!

MAN: Oh, my God!

[ Laughter ]

MAN: Oh!