All language subtitles for Impractical Jokers - S02E06

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian Download
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,474 --> 00:00:08,907 NARRATOR: What happens when Q and Murr 2 00:00:08,976 --> 00:00:10,637 are forced to get intimate? 3 00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:12,042 [ Laughing] 4 00:00:12,112 --> 00:00:14,137 NARRATOR: What's got Sal speaking in tongues? 5 00:00:14,214 --> 00:00:15,306 Hey, everybody! 6 00:00:15,382 --> 00:00:16,474 [ Laughs ] 7 00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:17,642 NARRATOR: And Joe sticks his nose 8 00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:19,310 where it really doesn't belong. 9 00:00:19,386 --> 00:00:22,253 - [ Gasps] - Oh, oh, oh! 10 00:00:22,322 --> 00:00:24,085 NARRATOR: But will tonight's big loser be stripped of 11 00:00:24,157 --> 00:00:28,321 more than just his dignity in the most revealing dare yet? 12 00:00:28,395 --> 00:00:31,387 [ Chanting ] Take it off! Take it off! 13 00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:33,399 [ Laughter ] 14 00:00:35,302 --> 00:00:37,395 - Here we go! - Yeah! 15 00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:39,496 We're at Rapid Realty, teaming up to teach 16 00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,905 sensitivity training to their employees. 17 00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:44,341 The catch is, we've designed the presentations for each other 18 00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:46,174 to be as insensitive as possible. 19 00:00:46,246 --> 00:00:47,406 When finished, we'll ask the employees 20 00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:49,142 to raise their hands if they learned something. 21 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,844 Whichever teams get the fewest hands loses. 22 00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:57,454 Hi, everyone. How are you? 23 00:00:57,524 --> 00:00:59,253 - Hello, hello. - Hi. Welcome. 24 00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:00,486 [ Door closes] 25 00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,085 We are from Sensitivity Coaches, Inc. 26 00:01:02,162 --> 00:01:05,359 We've been hired to come speak with you today on issues such as 27 00:01:05,432 --> 00:01:06,626 sensitivity in the workplace... 28 00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:09,726 In situations like these, you see how much of a natural 29 00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:11,168 bull[bleep] he really is. 30 00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:12,637 Yeah, but no amount of bull[bleep] is gonna get him 31 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,799 through the presentation we made. 32 00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:17,139 OK, insensitivity pitfalls. 33 00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:20,236 So, here's the appropriate way 34 00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:23,909 to tell an Indian that their lunch smells funny. 35 00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:25,747 [ Laughing] 36 00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:26,911 OK. 37 00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:29,046 [ Laughing] 38 00:01:29,122 --> 00:01:30,612 Remember, sensitivity is key. 39 00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:34,922 [ Laughs ] 40 00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:36,553 Uh, Brindash, how you doing, buddy? 41 00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:37,722 [ Laughs ] 42 00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:39,527 That smells really good. How is that? 43 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,397 It's very good. My wife made it. 44 00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:45,632 The thing is, though, um, I'm kind of allergic to curry. 45 00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:46,832 - Oh. - Yeah. 46 00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:48,772 Mm. I'm so sorry. 47 00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:52,801 So, I don't want to infringe upon your right to eat curry. 48 00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:54,244 What if, whenever I bring in curry, 49 00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:55,406 I eat it outside the office? 50 00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:56,574 I would really appreciate that. 51 00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:57,742 - Positivity. - Positivity. 52 00:01:57,818 --> 00:01:59,877 [ Laughing] 53 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,717 Now...the n-words that you can use. 54 00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,723 [ Laughing] 55 00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:12,164 - None. - None. 56 00:02:12,232 --> 00:02:14,894 You cannot use any n-words in the office ever. 57 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,458 - Next slide. - [ Chuckles ] 58 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,440 The appropriate way to kiss a co-worker hello. 59 00:02:20,507 --> 00:02:22,441 [ Laughing] 60 00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:25,945 The answer is very simple--you do not kiss a co-worker hello. 61 00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:27,378 Next slide. 62 00:02:27,447 --> 00:02:29,711 And then the wrong way to... 63 00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:31,774 Right, of course. 64 00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:32,944 Uh, demonstrate... 65 00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,214 [ Laughs ] 66 00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:36,016 ...the wrong way to kiss a co-worker hello. 67 00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:37,647 Talk her up, fat Rosie O'Donnell. 68 00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:40,090 [ Laughing] 69 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,094 [ Laughing] 70 00:02:56,943 --> 00:02:59,639 What we'd like to do is take a quick survey by hand. 71 00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:01,908 If you feel like you've taken value from today's seminar, 72 00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:03,074 please raise your hand. 73 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:05,716 One, two. [ Ding! ] 74 00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,913 [ Laughs ] 75 00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,455 That's two. Great. 76 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:10,615 Hello, folks. How's it going? 77 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:11,783 Hey, how are you? 78 00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:14,156 Thank you for coming to our sensitivity training. 79 00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:15,319 They look like the sort of [bleep] 80 00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:16,487 that would teach this, right? 81 00:03:16,563 --> 00:03:17,655 Yeah, they do. 82 00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:19,858 So, workplace-sensitivity training today 83 00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,025 for a better tomorrow. 84 00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:26,230 Is it ever OK to say, "Nice boobies"? 85 00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:28,240 [ Laughs ] 86 00:03:30,477 --> 00:03:32,843 [ Ding! ] Yes. OK? 87 00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:36,947 Why don't you tell them about it, Sal? 88 00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:39,508 [ Laughing] 89 00:03:39,586 --> 00:03:41,110 Is it ever OK to say, "Nice boobies"? 90 00:03:41,188 --> 00:03:43,418 Yes, if "boobies" is referring to 91 00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:44,855 something other than female breasts. 92 00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:47,485 Yes. Does anyone here speak the Queen's English? 93 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,153 You know, they call over there, you know, they-- 94 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,321 They call their children boobies. 95 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:51,557 Right, they call children boobies. 96 00:03:51,631 --> 00:03:53,496 Oh, wow. 97 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,501 If it was "Bring your kids to work" day, and you had your kids 98 00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,537 and I was English, I would say, "Oh, nice boobies." 99 00:03:57,604 --> 00:03:59,538 Yes, and, "You got a nice set of boobies," if they have twins. 100 00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:01,870 [ Laughs ] 101 00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,603 Is it ever OK to say, "Nice titties"? 102 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:06,504 [ Laughs ] 103 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:09,071 - Yes. - [ Laughing] 104 00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:11,913 Look at Sal keeping it together. 105 00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:14,215 What's back there, Sal? What are you looking at? 106 00:04:14,287 --> 00:04:19,884 If the word doesn't refer to what you think it does, 107 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,860 then that's where you learn something. 108 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,795 "Titties" doesn't necessarily have to mean the female breasts. 109 00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:27,129 [ Laughs ] 110 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,191 Sal, hold it together. 111 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,203 [ Laughing] 112 00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,236 He just left the room. 113 00:04:35,308 --> 00:04:38,607 - All right. - [ Laughing] 114 00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:42,842 So, let's say, for instance, you come and say to you, uh--right? 115 00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:44,850 --if you're wearing a titty ring. 116 00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:46,783 - This will be for the next one. - OK, bring that in. 117 00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:49,117 As long as it doesn't refer to the female breasts, 118 00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:50,281 we're OK. 119 00:04:50,357 --> 00:04:51,449 Absolutely. 120 00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:53,618 [ Laughing] 121 00:04:53,693 --> 00:04:54,785 Oh, here we go. 122 00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:56,761 How not to behave in the workplace. 123 00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,764 "Play video demonstration number 1." 124 00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:01,801 What they don't know is that we secretly filmed their sisters 125 00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:03,563 and put it in their presentation. 126 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,104 This is what I've been waiting for all day. 127 00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:06,537 [ Laughing ] Yeah. 128 00:05:06,606 --> 00:05:07,698 [ Laughs ] 129 00:05:07,774 --> 00:05:11,574 That is Sal's sister. 130 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:14,011 Yeah, it's your sister, buddy. 131 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,945 Jenna, were you able to get those reports out? 132 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:18,314 Yes, I was. And I was afraid that they 133 00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:20,717 wouldn't get there on time, but they will be there on time. 134 00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:21,981 I sent out 3 copies. 135 00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,420 Excellent. 136 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,287 Look at Q's hand, look at Q's hand! 137 00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:26,552 You're doing a great job. 138 00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:27,786 Thank you, Mr. Quinn. 139 00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:28,953 A great job. 140 00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:30,519 Thank you. I appreciate that. 141 00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:32,929 - Next slide. - Mm-hmm. 142 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,830 I really like what you did here, Carla. 143 00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:35,993 It's excellent work. 144 00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:37,696 That's Joe sister. 145 00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:38,931 [ Laughing] 146 00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,563 It may be something our South American colleagues 147 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:41,868 might like, you know? 148 00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,341 OK. 149 00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:45,344 [ Laughing] 150 00:05:46,112 --> 00:05:47,204 All right. 151 00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:51,143 Sure. 152 00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:52,981 OK. 153 00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,317 That is my sister that is being molested 154 00:05:55,388 --> 00:05:56,480 by a ferret-looking man. 155 00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:57,648 [ Laughing] 156 00:05:57,724 --> 00:05:58,816 [ Laughing] 157 00:05:58,892 --> 00:05:59,984 Fun and professional. 158 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,459 You shouldn't have any problems. 159 00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,758 Just by a show of hands, let us know who felt like they learned 160 00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:04,922 something new here today. 161 00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:07,398 - Of value. - Yes. 1, 2... 162 00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:08,559 1,2,3. 163 00:06:08,635 --> 00:06:10,865 [ Ding! ] Aw! 164 00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:13,167 NARRATOR: Murr and Q are feeling sensitive 165 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,834 because they both take a loss. 166 00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:18,036 If Murr ever ended up in a boss position, 167 00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:19,510 how fast before a lawsuit is smacked on him? 168 00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:20,841 [ Laughter ] 169 00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:22,506 "The good news is, we're promoting you to vice president. 170 00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:24,413 The bad news is, you've just been charged with harassment." 171 00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:26,975 [ Laughter ] 172 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,049 We are at the Staten Island Ferry... 173 00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,350 - Whoo! - Whoo-hoo! 174 00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:33,017 ...trying to get strangers to guess which famous person 175 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,424 we think they look like. 176 00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:37,520 The catch is, the person we're describing doesn't exist. 177 00:06:37,597 --> 00:06:40,430 The other guys will be providing the details via these cards. 178 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:41,797 If you can't get someone to take a guess about 179 00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:43,768 who we're describing, you lose. 180 00:06:47,707 --> 00:06:49,971 I-I recognize you. 181 00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:51,943 You--are you famous? 182 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:53,809 You--you look like a--you look like 183 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:55,973 a sloppy-drunk poker player. 184 00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:59,382 No? [Chuckles] Damn it. 185 00:06:59,452 --> 00:07:01,079 You are a famous person. 186 00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:02,917 You look so familiar. 187 00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:04,217 Not at all? 188 00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:06,054 She says no. He goes, "Are you sure?" 189 00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:07,491 [ Laughter ] 190 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:08,788 I'm pretty sure she knows 191 00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,295 if she's a famous person. 192 00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:11,489 You're that guy from, uh... 193 00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:12,656 MAN: Yeah? SAL: Yeah, you. 194 00:07:12,732 --> 00:07:14,097 SAL: Are you famous? MAN: No. 195 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:15,532 Does anyone ever tell you you look like somebody? 196 00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:18,264 - No. - You look exactly like, uh, 197 00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:21,205 the guy on the TV show that has, like, that sassy dog. 198 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,003 The dog's always like [ barking ]. 199 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:25,271 [Chuckling ] You know what I mean--a sassy dog? 200 00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:26,903 - No. - No? Really? 201 00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:30,848 H-he talks like this. "Hey, everybody!" 202 00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:33,442 [ Laughter ] 203 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,715 OK. Maybe this one will ring a bell. 204 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,814 - OK. - He burps when he sleeps, 205 00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,552 but he farts when he's awake. 206 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:42,618 [ Laughter ] 207 00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:43,993 You know who I'm talking about. 208 00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:47,864 He talks like this. "Hey, everybody!" 209 00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:51,301 He burps when he sleeps, he farts when he's awake. 210 00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:53,032 - You know him? - No. 211 00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:54,664 Aw! You don't want to say the name? 212 00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:56,641 [ Laughter ] 213 00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,678 - No, I don't. - No, he doesn't know who that guy is. 214 00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:00,645 I had nothing. I'm like, "Hey, everybody!" 215 00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:02,204 [ Laughter ] 216 00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:03,510 Who talks like that? 217 00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:05,949 [ Laughter ] 218 00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,111 Oh, my God. For a second, I thought 219 00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:08,279 you were that actor. 220 00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:09,822 Yeah, yeah. 221 00:08:09,889 --> 00:08:13,290 God, you look like that guy, right--the guy from that movie? 222 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,692 The actor from the--you're in the commercials, right? 223 00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:17,024 Q: You're in commercials? MAN: No, no. 224 00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:19,827 Look like--the enema commercials--that guy? 225 00:08:19,899 --> 00:08:21,799 - No. - You know who I'm talking about, though? 226 00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:24,200 And he--and he slept with David Copperfield by accident. 227 00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:26,329 How do you sleep with David Copperfield by accident? 228 00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:28,067 Sleight of hand? [ Laughter ] 229 00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,233 The guy from the enema commercial. 230 00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:30,776 You know who I'm talking about? 231 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,937 He was in, uh-- he went ape[bleep]? 232 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,105 Remember, the guy went ape[bleep]? 233 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,647 He tried to set his thoughts on fire? 234 00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:38,183 Crazy guy. [ Laughter ] 235 00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:39,343 Charlie Sheen! That's it! 236 00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:41,887 That's Charlie Sheen! [ Laughter] 237 00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,388 Very nice to meet you. 238 00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:44,548 You too, sir, you too. 239 00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:45,886 Charlie Sheen. 240 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:48,052 Just met Charlie Sheen. [ Ding! ] 241 00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:49,220 Dude, you know who you look like? 242 00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:50,489 Hold on one sec. 243 00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:51,962 You know who you look like? 244 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,363 Uh, hold on one sec. 245 00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:55,025 Uh...aw! What's the name of the guy? 246 00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:56,728 The guy that plays professional ping-pong-- 247 00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:58,600 the really famous athlete? 248 00:08:58,671 --> 00:09:00,639 Oh, you don't--oh, my God! What's his name?! 249 00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,538 Oh, you know what? [ Chuckles ] 250 00:09:02,609 --> 00:09:04,975 He's the guy that got a [ Laughs] 251 00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,740 He's the guy that got a presidential pardon 252 00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:09,213 for all his work with Scandinavian cuisine. 253 00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:10,749 You--you really got me now. 254 00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:12,341 Nobody? Take a guess. 255 00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:14,387 You don't know who he is? 256 00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:15,546 Let's keep giving him more cards. 257 00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:16,714 I got nothing. 258 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:18,382 Oh, my God. He's the guy that had sex 259 00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:19,550 in the trunk of a Volvo. 260 00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:21,457 [ Laughter ] 261 00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:24,019 He's the guy that looks like a skinny, white Oprah. 262 00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:27,191 His symbol is the x's for eyes and the sad face. 263 00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,258 MURR: What is his name?! MAN: Dude... 264 00:09:29,335 --> 00:09:31,997 The blank guy--the guy with nothing at all? 265 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,097 That's what I'm drawing right now--a blank. 266 00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:35,766 [ Laughter ] 267 00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:36,934 Damn it! 268 00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:41,608 - Oh, what's up? - Yo. 269 00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:44,115 Oh. Oh, you look like that famous guy. 270 00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:45,515 - Which famous... - You look like, uh-- 271 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,847 you got to hear it all the time. 272 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,148 - Who? - Seriously, you don't get-- 273 00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:49,449 I thought you were him right away. 274 00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:51,183 You look like the hip-hop mogul who sacrificed everything 275 00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:52,349 for a Fruit Roll-Up. 276 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,188 [ Laughter ] 277 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,352 You know what I mean? 278 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:56,520 He's a hip-hop mogul now? 279 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:57,688 You look just like him. 280 00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:58,924 He--aw. 281 00:09:58,998 --> 00:10:02,456 He, uh, he--he invented the erotic Rubik's Cube? 282 00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:03,627 Do you ever hear of that thing? 283 00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:05,170 You know, you put it on and you do-- 284 00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,535 you got to figure out the color? 285 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,904 Yeah, but you look just like him. 286 00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:10,442 Uh, you're tall, dark, and handsome, 287 00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:11,670 but really dark, if you know what I mean. 288 00:10:11,744 --> 00:10:13,143 [ Laughter ] 289 00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:14,874 Tall, dark, handsome, but really dark. 290 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,506 Dude, no, you know who I'm talking about, though, right? 291 00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:18,949 He's a mogul, traded it all in for a Froot Loop? 292 00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:20,110 No. Got him. 293 00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:21,278 Oh, all right. 294 00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:22,878 [ Laughter ] 295 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,321 You [bleep] idiot. 296 00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:25,550 I thought you were that famous guy. 297 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,059 You look just like the pop singer with the shingles. 298 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,187 She swallowed that baby duck years ago? 299 00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:32,424 He licks first, asks questions later. 300 00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:34,057 He has lovely lady lumps? 301 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,726 He has lovely lady lumps? 302 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,633 He's like Steve Carell with a bigger nose? 303 00:10:37,704 --> 00:10:39,262 He's got hands the size of stingrays. 304 00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:40,772 He got hand--oh. 305 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,398 [ Chuckles ] 306 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:45,000 He slept with Ja Rule's brother Bra Rule. 307 00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:46,170 No? No? 308 00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:47,406 Who doesn't--you know who I'm talking... 309 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,040 [ Laughter ] 310 00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:52,812 NARRATOR: Sal, Joe, and Murr look like 3 losers. 311 00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:57,082 Babies don't really look like anyone. 312 00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,283 People are like, "Oh, do you look like the mom 313 00:10:58,358 --> 00:10:59,484 or look like the dad?" 314 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:01,288 I can never tell, and I always lie my way through it. 315 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:02,828 They all look like Winston Churchill. 316 00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:04,830 [ Laughter ] 317 00:11:06,699 --> 00:11:08,690 You know that hot receptionist in your office? 318 00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:11,134 Get her out of your head. You're stuck with us. 319 00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:12,831 We're posing as receptionists in a waiting room 320 00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:14,203 at a chiropractor's office. 321 00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:15,832 We have to do what the other guys tell us. 322 00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,241 Remember how we all said we'd wear suits? 323 00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:19,642 [ Laughter ] 324 00:11:19,712 --> 00:11:21,304 I'm gonna be sitting back there. 325 00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:22,905 Nobody's gonna see me from here down. 326 00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:30,812 Hey, how you doing, man? 327 00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:32,482 Cool. Yeah, just sign in right there. 328 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:34,151 "Thanks, backpack." 329 00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:35,854 [ Laughter ] 330 00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:37,260 Thanks, backpack. 331 00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:40,265 [ Laughter ] 332 00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:42,665 Hey, Q, can you just get up and walk around the counter? 333 00:11:42,735 --> 00:11:43,827 'Cause there's something around the front, buddy, 334 00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:44,995 I think you need to get. 335 00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:47,335 [ Laughing] Oh, he's in his shorts. 336 00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:48,499 Q's not wearing any pants. 337 00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:50,509 [ Laughter ] 338 00:11:52,178 --> 00:11:53,543 There we go. 339 00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:54,807 Make sure he looks at you. 340 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,815 [ Laughter ] 341 00:11:59,852 --> 00:12:01,217 [ Laughing] He's got no shoes. 342 00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:02,379 Point and shoot. 343 00:12:03,756 --> 00:12:06,122 [ Laughter ] 344 00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:10,629 In the office, we have casual Friday, you know? 345 00:12:10,697 --> 00:12:11,959 Is today Thursday? 346 00:12:12,031 --> 00:12:13,123 Is today really Thursday? 347 00:12:13,199 --> 00:12:14,791 "I'm off on Thursdays." 348 00:12:14,867 --> 00:12:17,927 [ Chuckling ] I'm off on Thursdays. What? 349 00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:19,528 Say, "I'm all business from the waist up." 350 00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:21,767 Well, I'm all business from the waist up, so... 351 00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:23,468 "And all pleasure from the waist down." 352 00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:25,340 [ Laughter ] 353 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:27,311 I'm all pleasure from the waist down. 354 00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:29,211 Point at it with a pencil. 355 00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:32,843 [ Laughter ] 356 00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:34,011 Am I straight, or am I gay? 357 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,179 "What's today?" 358 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,347 What's today, Thursday? 359 00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,754 [ Laughter ] 360 00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:40,486 Oh! 361 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,084 [Ding!] 362 00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:43,492 - What's your name? - Candace. 363 00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,394 Candace, you can have a seat. We'll be right with you, OK? 364 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,456 Murr, she's pretty, huh? 365 00:12:47,533 --> 00:12:50,331 The problem is, she's a little prettier than you right now. 366 00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:52,268 So I want you to reach into the drawer to your right, there. 367 00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:56,934 There's a little compact mirror and some lipstick. 368 00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,944 [ Laughter ] 369 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,046 Quick touch-up. [ Laughter ] 370 00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,210 Where you from? 371 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,685 Born in New York, raised in Texas. 372 00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:08,846 Texas? 373 00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:10,183 - Yeah. - Wow. 374 00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:12,190 [ Man chuckles] 375 00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:14,488 Wow. That's crazy. 376 00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:15,788 CAN DACE: Yeah. [ Man laughs ] 377 00:13:15,862 --> 00:13:16,954 Murr, do it sloppy. 378 00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:18,292 Like, get it on the corner of your lips. 379 00:13:18,364 --> 00:13:19,695 [ Laughter ] 380 00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:22,098 Don't do it like you've done it a thousand times before. 381 00:13:22,168 --> 00:13:23,601 [ Laughter ] 382 00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:24,762 Let me ask you something. 383 00:13:24,837 --> 00:13:26,395 If I was to go anywhere in Texas, 384 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:27,564 where do you think I should go? 385 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:28,732 Austin's fun. 386 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,036 Yeah? Is it a very tolerant town-- 387 00:13:30,109 --> 00:13:31,804 accepting of all different types, cultures? 388 00:13:31,878 --> 00:13:33,812 [ Laughter ] 389 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:38,778 SAL: Hello. How are you? WOMAN: Good. 390 00:13:38,851 --> 00:13:40,409 Just have a seat. We'll be right with you. 391 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:41,817 - I'm sorry, your names? I didn't know your name. 392 00:13:41,888 --> 00:13:43,082 - Lauren. - I'm sorry, what was your name? 393 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,248 Lauren. Also Lauren. 394 00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,416 Oh, it's two Laurens? 395 00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:48,016 Hey, Sal, can you call the girl on the left up? 396 00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:50,119 Um, can you just come up here real quick? 397 00:13:50,196 --> 00:13:52,221 "Lauren, you can have a seat. It will just be one minute." 398 00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:53,765 [ Laughter ] 399 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:54,925 You have a seat. I'll be right with you. 400 00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,093 - OK. - Thank you. 401 00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:57,261 Call the friend up. 402 00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:58,736 [ Laughter ] 403 00:13:58,805 --> 00:14:01,740 Lauren 2, can you come up one second, please? 404 00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:03,036 "You can have a seat. it'll just be one minute." 405 00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:04,303 He'll be ready for you in just a minute, Lauren. 406 00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:05,469 SAL: You have a seat. LAUREN: OK. 407 00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:06,944 [ Man laughs] 408 00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,913 "Hey, uh, hey, Laurens." 409 00:14:08,981 --> 00:14:10,744 Hey, Laurens? Laurens? 410 00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,648 You can come on up with your stuff. 411 00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:15,279 Uh-huh. OK. 412 00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:16,822 "it'll just be a minute. You can have a seat." 413 00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:19,289 And it'll just be a minute. You can have a seat. 414 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,758 Ready to call another Lauren up? 415 00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:26,630 MAN: "Lauren..." SAL: Lauren, can I see you? 416 00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:33,002 And now you want the other Lauren. 417 00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:34,164 I'm sorry. The other Lauren. 418 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,174 [ Laughter ] 419 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:39,939 They'll be with you in one moment. 420 00:14:40,012 --> 00:14:41,946 Just have a seat. [ Laughter] 421 00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:44,408 [Ding!] 422 00:14:45,752 --> 00:14:46,912 Hey, gentlemen, how are you? 423 00:14:46,986 --> 00:14:48,476 You can have a seat right there. 424 00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,078 MAN: We're gonna toss Joe a curve ball here. 425 00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:54,218 Yes, I do, right here-- a quick right. 426 00:14:54,293 --> 00:14:56,761 Joe, go over and sniff that guy's seat, now that he left. 427 00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:58,091 [ Laughter ] 428 00:14:58,164 --> 00:14:59,426 Come on, while the other guy's still there, 429 00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:00,591 get over there and sniff his seat. 430 00:15:02,201 --> 00:15:04,601 - Go sniff his seat. - [ Laughing ] 431 00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:05,762 [Sighs] 432 00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:10,404 I've been waiting till he got up. 433 00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:12,103 MAN: He's doing it. 434 00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:13,372 [Sniffing] 435 00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,209 - Oh! - Oh, oh! 436 00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:16,976 [ Laughing] 437 00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:18,141 Oh! 438 00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:21,745 You're not done, Joe. 439 00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:24,085 Ask this guy to get up, and then smell his seat. 440 00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:25,454 - [ Chuckles ] - Do it. 441 00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:27,425 My God. 442 00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:29,825 - Mnh-mnh. - Aw! 443 00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:32,262 NARRATOR: Joe can't smell victory, and takes a loss. 444 00:15:32,331 --> 00:15:34,731 That means Joe and Murr are both big losers. 445 00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:37,599 It's a first-ever double punishment. 446 00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:40,567 Both Murr and Joe lost, so their double punishment is 447 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:41,732 "Strip high-five." 448 00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:43,173 What's "strip high-five"? 449 00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:45,642 Oh, that's where you stand in front of hundreds of strangers, 450 00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:48,179 and the two of you take turns getting high fives. 451 00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:49,976 But for every person that does not high-five you, 452 00:15:50,049 --> 00:15:51,380 you remove an article of clothing. 453 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:54,887 And the punishment doesn't end till one of you is naked. 454 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,616 "Strip high-five"! 455 00:15:57,690 --> 00:16:00,056 This sucks so bad. 456 00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:05,189 Gentlemen's bet--l have my Washington on Joe. 457 00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:07,664 Murr, I got a dollar on you, buddy. 458 00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:08,927 All right, here goes Joe. 459 00:16:10,736 --> 00:16:11,896 High five. 460 00:16:14,006 --> 00:16:15,598 [ Ding! ] MAN: Bravo! 461 00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:16,767 MAN: Oh! 462 00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:17,935 MAN: You're up, Murr. 463 00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:19,102 My man, high five. 464 00:16:19,178 --> 00:16:20,270 - There you go. - [ Laughs ] 465 00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:21,779 [Ding!] 466 00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:22,940 Murray answers back! 467 00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:27,913 Hey, hey, high five. High five. 468 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,012 [ Laughter ] 469 00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:32,057 Why would you ask someone with headphones in? 470 00:16:32,124 --> 00:16:34,285 Horrible, horrible choice, Joe. 471 00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:37,457 There you go, Murr. There's your boy. 472 00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:38,622 High five. 473 00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:42,390 [ Laughter ] 474 00:16:42,468 --> 00:16:44,493 I still got you, Murr. You're still my horse. 475 00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:46,037 Heating up, heating up. 476 00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:49,040 High five. High five. 477 00:16:49,108 --> 00:16:51,440 [ Laughter ] 478 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:52,603 Oh, Joe! 479 00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,077 He wasn't in your path. 480 00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:58,008 MURR: High five. MAN: Look at this. 481 00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:01,944 - Aw! - In your face! 482 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:05,218 In your face! Whoo-hoo! 483 00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:06,383 High five. 484 00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:07,551 High five, buddy. 485 00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:10,255 [ Ding! ] Oh! Yeah! 486 00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:11,626 MURR: High five. MAN: There you go, buddy, there you go. 487 00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:12,789 [ Ding! ] Ah. 488 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,162 Aw! 489 00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:15,598 [ Ding! ] Touche! 490 00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:17,033 Murr, Murr, Murr, Murr, Murr! 491 00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:18,434 Right there. Yes! [ Ding! ] 492 00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:19,937 Right back into Joe's court. 493 00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:21,405 Oh, they're going shot for shot. 494 00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:22,566 High five, my man. 495 00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:26,678 MAN: Aw! [ Laughter ] 496 00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:28,441 MAN: Time to show us that belly, Joe. 497 00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:30,777 [ Laughs ] 498 00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:32,374 [Bleep] it sucks. Come on. 499 00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:35,181 [ Laughter ] 500 00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:37,552 Murr, you have to stand strong here if you want to win. 501 00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:39,488 I'm still clothed. 502 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:40,890 Right here. High five. 503 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:42,222 MAN: Here he goes, here he goes. MURR: High five. 504 00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,422 - No way. - No high five. 505 00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,590 - No high five. - No five. 506 00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:48,861 MAN: Let them titties show, Murr. 507 00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:50,732 [ Chanting ] Take it off! Take it off! 508 00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:51,895 Take it off! 509 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,166 MAN: Shirts are off. 510 00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:57,004 Good luck either one of them getting a high five now. 511 00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,509 Sir, high five. 512 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,378 [ Laughter ] 513 00:18:03,449 --> 00:18:05,246 MURR: [Bleep] MAN: [ Chuckling ] Oh, no. 514 00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:07,047 Oh, Joe, Joe, Joe. 515 00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:09,019 This is a rough one. 516 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:12,546 [Man laughing] 517 00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,559 [ Laughter ] 518 00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:20,897 JOE: Now my business is all up out there. 519 00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:24,368 You and I have constructed the most public of humiliations. 520 00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,864 Miss, can you high-five me? 521 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,066 [Ding!] 522 00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:31,075 MAN: Murr might pull away with this one. 523 00:18:31,143 --> 00:18:33,236 [ Ding! ] JOE: Thank you. MAN: Oh! 524 00:18:33,312 --> 00:18:34,404 Right back at ya. 525 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:35,572 That's a bounce back. 526 00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:36,876 Well played, Joe. 527 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,209 Look at this, Murr, look at this. 528 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:42,345 - Yeah. Here you go. - Here we go. 529 00:18:42,421 --> 00:18:44,355 MAN: Oh! [ Laughter ] 530 00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:48,157 MAN: You got psyched. 531 00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:53,688 Psych! [ Laughs] 532 00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:55,063 MAN: Oh, my God! 533 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,533 [ Laughs ] 534 00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:58,934 MAN: Oh, my God, they're down to their undies! 535 00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:00,097 Look at this! 536 00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:04,733 My man. Now or never. 537 00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:06,107 Oh, my God, oh, my God, here-- 538 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,572 [Ding!] 539 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:09,945 Aah! 540 00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:11,108 Va-va-voom! 541 00:19:11,183 --> 00:19:13,583 I can't take it, I can't take it! 542 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:16,349 an” I got the high five, and you can't have it an” 543 00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:18,949 MAN: All right, this is it. 544 00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:20,925 It's either a high five or a naked Murray. 545 00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,625 Ma'am, please give me a high five. 546 00:19:25,898 --> 00:19:27,798 Please, give me a high five. Please. 547 00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:29,664 Oh, no! 548 00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:33,136 Yeah! Yeah! Yes! Yeah! 549 00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:34,968 Aah! Yes! 550 00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:36,167 Yes! I love you! 551 00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:38,437 [ Laughter ] 552 00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:41,537 [ Chanting ] Take it off! Take it off! 553 00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:45,072 Take it off! Take it off! 554 00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:48,382 Take it off! Take it off! 555 00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:51,218 Take it off! Take it-- 556 00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:53,224 [ Laughter, applause] 557 00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:05,829 Va-voom! 558 00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:11,442 MAN: Oh, my God! 559 00:20:11,510 --> 00:20:13,444 [ Laughter ] 560 00:20:19,251 --> 00:20:20,343 MAN: Oh! 36252

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.