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NARRATOR: Coming up,
the guys make Murr rub one out
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00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:10,409
at the comic- book shop.
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00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:11,637
JOE: How do you
Eskimo kiss a stranger?
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00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:12,644
There's no way.
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MURR: Hey, man.
Thank you so much.
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00:00:14,381 --> 00:00:16,406
NARRATOR: Sal slips up
at the grocery store.
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JOE: Hurry up, Sal.
You're not gonna make it.
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[ Laughter ]
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00:00:20,487 --> 00:00:21,454
Q: Hands up, bro. Come on.
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00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,046
NARRATOR:
Q loses it in public.
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Q: And we're not gonna
take it anymore!
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00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:28,321
NARRATOR: Plus, tonight's big
loser has a major art attack.
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[ Laughter ]
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It's a beautiful day
in the park,
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and romance is in the air.
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And we're gonna have
to walk up to strangers
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00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:43,001
and convince them
to hold our hand.
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Whoever can't get a stranger
to hold their hand loses.
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So we're gonna either
get punched or fall in love.
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[ Laughter ]
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[ Record scratches ]
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00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:53,183
- Oh, my God.
- Is he scared, or is he- -
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- I think he's scared.
- No, he's terrified.
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- He's something.
- I'm gonna be fine.
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Q: You're gonna get maced.
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JOE: Old dude and a dog?
There you go.
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00:01:02,829 --> 00:01:04,160
- Do you mind?
- No, not at all.
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- Look at this guy.
- Ha ha ha!
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JOE: I wouldn't let Murr
touch me, either.
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[ Laughter ]
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MURR: Can we hold
the leash together?
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MURR: It seems like
you've been trained
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to defend and attack, too.
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00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:23,349
He has a dog trained to defend
and attack, and that was a...
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00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:24,543
- Cocker spaniel.
- Cocker spaniel?
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[ Dog growls ]
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SAL: Here he goes.
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I hope Murray literally gets
put in a full Nelson.
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00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:31,789
I just broke up
with my girlfriend.
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I told her I was gay.
Do me a solid.
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00:01:34,061 --> 00:01:35,653
Yeah?
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Q: No way!
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JOE: Come on, no way.
I can't believe this!
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MURR: Dude, seriously.
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00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,329
Dude, keep it going, man.
She's right back there.
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00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:43,801
SAL: This guy's buying
the gay routine?
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MURR: Thanks, man. Now kiss me
as hard as you can.
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00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:47,898
[ Laughter ]
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00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:50,205
[ Bell dings]
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00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:52,438
JOE: Gentlemen, I know
what you're thinking- -
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00:01:52,512 --> 00:01:55,106
"Interesting choice
on the lavender top, Joe."
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00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:57,082
- Ha ha ha!
- But wait.
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It's part of the game play.
Watch and learn, fellas.
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Q: Oh, there he goes.
55
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:04,356
No way.
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00:02:04,424 --> 00:02:06,358
This man has no fear.
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00:02:06,426 --> 00:02:09,361
SAL: Ha ha ha!
What was that?
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00:02:09,429 --> 00:02:12,489
JOE: So nice, right?
Just walking in the park.
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00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,591
Q: Ha ha! How is he doing this?
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00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:16,397
SAL: I can't take it.
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00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,767
JOE: Where you girls from?
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Yeah? Nice.
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00:02:20,173 --> 00:02:21,231
Are you kidding me right now?
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00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:22,536
JOE: Where are we going?
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00:02:22,609 --> 00:02:24,236
Where are we on our way to?
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00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:25,403
This way?
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00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,037
Is it the feminine,
purple shirt
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00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:28,706
that's making you
seem completely- -
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00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:29,976
JOE: I'm telling you,
it's purple.
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I'm non- threatening.
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[ Bell dings]
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00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:35,050
SAL: OK, guys, I'm actually
nervous, actually.
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JOE: You should be.
There you go- - red shirt.
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SAL: Oh, God. Jesus.
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Q: He just picked his nose.
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SAL: Oh, gross.
Nope. Not doing it.
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00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:44,223
[ Laughter ]
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Here he goes. He's got one.
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MURR: That's not gonna go well.
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00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:52,805
SAL: Sorry. I didn't know
if you wanted to hold- -
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you may want to hold.
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00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:56,840
Oh, he's taken?
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00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,775
MURR: Sal's 0- for- 2.
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00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:01,177
When you wear a black T- shirt,
you're not giving off
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00:03:01,248 --> 00:03:03,182
the lavender glow
of love, like myself.
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00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:05,377
Oh, it's not the shirt, Joe.
It's not the shirt.
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00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:08,046
Sal, your technique sucks.
Get in there and grab a hand.
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Man up!
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00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:10,922
Q: Yeah, and that's when
you get punched.
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00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:13,255
- The jogging guy.
- Here he goes.
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00:03:17,964 --> 00:03:20,728
[ Laughter ]
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00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:23,292
What the hell? This ain't
patty- cake. That doesn't count.
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00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:24,701
JOE: You're supposed
to try to hold hands.
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00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,363
[ Laughter ]
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00:03:29,242 --> 00:03:31,176
MURR: That was
a colossal failure.
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00:03:31,244 --> 00:03:33,007
[ Buzzer ]
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JOE: Q, admittedly,
this isn't a good bit for you
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00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:37,810
'cause you have to actually not
only interact with people,
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but hold their hand.
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00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:41,179
Don't worry about me.
I got a plan.
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JOE: OK. I'll believe it
when I see it.
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00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:46,018
Hands up, bro. Come on.
Give it to me.
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- What is he doing?
- Let's do this together.
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Q: Come on!
Let's do this together!
105
00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:52,092
We ain't taking this no more!
We're not taking this no more!
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00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:55,362
We're doing it together!
Together!
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00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:57,266
MURR: Why is this guy
going along with this?
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00:03:57,337 --> 00:04:00,568
Q: We're mad as hell, and we're
not gonna take it anymore!
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00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:01,937
Me and this guy!
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00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:03,669
Come on. Both of us are angry.
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00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,268
Me and this guy!
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00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:06,835
That's right! Yes!
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00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,210
[ Bell dings]
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00:04:08,281 --> 00:04:09,805
NARRATOR: Sal was
dealt a bad hand
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00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:12,215
and winds up on
the loser board.
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Q: I don't like
holding hands now
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00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,415
walking down the street
with a girl.
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00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:18,515
Like, she goes to hold
your hand, and she's like,
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00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,287
"Hey, everybody,
I'm with this guy,
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00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:21,918
"don't even try it,"
whereas I'm a little bit like,
121
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:24,190
"Try it. You know? Try it.
You might be better than her.
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00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,097
"I don't know. Try it.
See what you got for me."
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00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:28,600
But what about the flip side?
What about if you want to be
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00:04:28,668 --> 00:04:30,192
like, "Hey, everybody,
don't try it"?
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00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,601
Oh, well, then I do
something like...
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00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:32,831
[ Laughter ]
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00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:35,739
"This is my possessive,
right there.
128
00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:37,777
"Don't try it. Don't try it.
Don't try it. Don't try it."
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00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,871
SAL: We're at the legendary
comic book store
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00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,040
Jim Hanley's Universe.
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00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,811
MURR: We each have
a very special comic book
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00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:46,409
that's been made for us
by the other guys.
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00:04:46,486 --> 00:04:48,044
JOE: The comic book
contains secret actions
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00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,112
that we have to do while talking
to other shoppers.
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00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:52,658
And we can't ask permission
or explain ourselves.
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00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:55,593
Q: If you don't do what
the comic book tells you to,
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00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:57,892
you lose.
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00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:01,899
JOE: Remember, Sal, you got
to do all 3 actions to this guy.
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00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,902
- You recommend this?
- Yes.
140
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,369
SAL: I mean, I know all
about the show and everything,
141
00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:07,998
but everyone keeps saying the
book's way better than the show.
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00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:12,575
This guy's perfect.
Page 22, buddy.
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00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:17,147
Did you think he did
a good job on the first season?
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00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:18,514
- I think he did a great job.
- Yeah.
145
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:20,018
MAN: I think he spent
a little bit too much time.
146
00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:21,951
I mean, I don't mind if...
147
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:24,456
[ Laughter ]
148
00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:26,014
SAL: He had to go make
the first one.
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00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:27,354
MAN: That's the good thing
about the first one...
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00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:29,224
[ Laughter ]
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00:05:30,697 --> 00:05:32,824
Q: Sal, Number 39.
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00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,293
Your imagination's always better
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00:05:35,368 --> 00:05:36,596
'cause you're reading, but...
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00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:37,694
[ Laughter ]
155
00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:39,432
the show, it just...
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00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:40,996
SAL: Oh, that's cool, man.
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00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:42,905
- As much as I like getting- -
- Let me see...
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00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,307
[ Laughter ]
159
00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:46,845
SAL: What were you saying?
160
00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:48,346
As much as I like
the individual...
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00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:49,780
JOE: 32.
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00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,283
Finish it off.
You're almost there, Sal.
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00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,342
SAL: I don't want it
to be anything that, like...
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00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:55,047
- 'Cause it's not just...
- He's talking a lot.
165
00:05:55,121 --> 00:05:57,146
- Yeah, yeah, he sure is.
- We got to shut him down.
166
00:05:57,224 --> 00:05:58,885
If you really to capture them
with art and writing- -
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00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,392
SAL: Yeah. That's crazy.
168
00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:01,859
MAN: Yeah, and the really
good ones are, like, 5- -
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00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:02,917
SAL: Wow.
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00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:04,190
[ Bell dings]
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00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:05,253
[ Laughter ]
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00:06:05,332 --> 00:06:07,527
- I was- - did you see this?
- Yeah.
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00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:10,167
- OK.
- Ha ha ha ha!
174
00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:11,864
- "I'm gonna go, bro."
- "I'm gonna go, bro."
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00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:13,963
JOE: I can't believe
he pulled that one off.
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00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,508
Oh, they do it by movie,
the "Spider- mans," too?
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00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:18,908
- Yeah.
- Turn to page 34.
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00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:24,582
What do you got there, buddy?
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00:06:25,852 --> 00:06:27,342
Ah, you read
the "Star Trek" books?
180
00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:34,588
It's a good pick, I think.
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00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:35,821
[ Laughter ]
182
00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:39,995
He's like, "OK."
183
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,795
Number 24.
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00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,794
[ Laughter ]
185
00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:46,634
You have a different
appreciation for it, then.
186
00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:48,970
He had to be, like, in his 60s,
I guess, and he was like- -
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00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:50,737
you know, he's been reading it
for like a long time, so he...
188
00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:52,539
He's not gonna do it.
189
00:06:52,612 --> 00:06:55,080
[Chanting]
Pinch that nip! Pinch that nip!
190
00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:56,581
Pinch that nip!
191
00:06:58,518 --> 00:07:00,611
He had to be, like, in his 60s,
I guess, and he was like- -
192
00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:02,484
you know, he's been reading it
for like a long time.
193
00:07:02,555 --> 00:07:03,715
He's not gonna do it.
194
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:05,985
"The X- Men" is really
where it started.
195
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:08,027
"X- Men" is where it got
started for me.
196
00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:11,520
Seeing the "X- Men" movies is
really what turned it on.
197
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:12,895
[ Laughter ]
198
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:14,194
SAL: It's like they're
both right now like,
199
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,394
"We know what just happened.
Let's not talk about it."
200
00:07:16,469 --> 00:07:18,699
- "Let's just keep going."
- Page 35.
201
00:07:21,908 --> 00:07:24,240
Good luck, sucker!
202
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:27,678
JOE: Oh, this is the "X- Men"...
no- - oh, it was on the table.
203
00:07:27,747 --> 00:07:29,078
It was on the table.
204
00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:34,983
Q: It's like high school
all over again, buddy- -
205
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:37,023
can't get anybody
to bump crotches with you.
206
00:07:37,090 --> 00:07:38,557
[ Buzzer ]
207
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:41,851
Find anything you like?
208
00:07:43,863 --> 00:07:45,262
All right, Q. Page 18, bud.
209
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:51,161
Q: Oh, yeah, 'cause they're,
like, fighting.
210
00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:52,670
[ Laughter ]
211
00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:54,036
Right.
212
00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:55,404
MAN: You eventually
put the thing.
213
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,170
MURR: 26.
214
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,241
JOE: Ha ha ha ha!
215
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,407
Good luck.
216
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,451
Dig your tattoos, man.
Looking good.
217
00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:06,610
Yeah, I got the...
218
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:08,085
- Superman.
- Yeah, yeah.
219
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,782
Bam. What do you think of that?
Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Yeah!
220
00:08:10,857 --> 00:08:11,983
[ Bell dings]
221
00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:14,026
I like that.
222
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:16,619
SAL: Q, page 46, bud.
223
00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:18,425
[ Laughter ]
224
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,466
JOE: Ah, there you go.
You got to spank him.
225
00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:23,001
[ Laughter ]
226
00:08:23,069 --> 00:08:24,696
You guys are killing me.
227
00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:26,329
This is hard to do.
228
00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:28,465
SAL: There's no way he's gonna
touch that guy's ass.
229
00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:29,838
Q: This line, huh?
230
00:08:29,909 --> 00:08:32,173
[ Whistles ]
Ha ha ha!
231
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:34,236
SAL: Oh, boy.
232
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:35,576
Q: You're up, bro.
233
00:08:35,648 --> 00:08:37,673
[ Laughter ]
234
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,514
JOE: Holy cow.
235
00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:40,644
Well done.
236
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:41,914
[ Bell dings]
237
00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:43,546
I, uh, I've got a sister.
238
00:08:43,623 --> 00:08:44,851
And I want to try
to get her something
239
00:08:44,924 --> 00:08:46,221
that I think, like,
a girl might like.
240
00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:48,419
- All right, Murr, page 13.
- What do you think?
241
00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:51,396
MAN: I used to read a lot
of "Spider- man."
242
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:52,954
MURR: Um...
243
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,830
[ Laughter ]
244
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:55,993
I don't know.
That might be OK.
245
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:58,936
But, I mean, the littler
characters are well done.
246
00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:00,199
[ Laughter ]
247
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:01,706
MURR: I don't know
if any of these are- -
248
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,174
Q: Murr, page 21, buddy.
249
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,302
MURR: You know, so...
250
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,642
[ Laughter ]
251
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,705
If you were to name, like,
the top 3 comics that you like,
252
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:12,377
I would give this to my sister.
I would totally give it to her.
253
00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:14,317
Like, she would
totally be OK with it.
254
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,151
She would totally be OK with it.
She would totally be OK with it.
255
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,622
- Yeah.
- What would you do?
256
00:09:18,691 --> 00:09:20,852
JOE: Page 43, Murr.
257
00:09:20,927 --> 00:09:23,020
[ Laughter ]
258
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:28,598
JOE: There's no way. How do you
Eskimo kiss a stranger?
259
00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:33,195
Hey, man, you've been great.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
260
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:36,765
Q: Oh! Oh, my God!
261
00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:39,073
Oh, my God!
262
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:42,603
Murray took it
to another level just now.
263
00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:47,379
JOE: The guy just hid from him.
264
00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:48,648
The guy is hiding
from you, Murray.
265
00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:51,884
SAL: Murr, he just saw you
and stop, drop, and rolled.
266
00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:54,324
[ Laughter ]
267
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:56,862
Murray, he's- - ha ha ha!
268
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:59,660
Murray is victorious.
269
00:09:59,732 --> 00:10:01,962
[ Bell dings]
270
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:05,095
NARRATOR: Joe bumps right
into Sal on the loser board.
271
00:10:06,973 --> 00:10:10,568
JOE: If Murray was a comic- book
hero, what would his name be?
272
00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:12,076
- Ferret Boy.
- Ha ha ha!
273
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:13,134
I don't look like a ferret!
274
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:14,544
- He could creep undetected.
- Right.
275
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,172
Well, that's real life, as well.
276
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:17,978
[ Laughter ]
277
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,486
We're at Compare Foods
supermarkets,
278
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:24,079
and the race is on!
279
00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:26,284
We've got to get from one end
of the store to the other.
280
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:27,485
- That's so easy!
- It's not easy, Q,
281
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:28,652
and I'll tell you why.
282
00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:29,820
You're not allowed
to move an inch
283
00:10:29,896 --> 00:10:31,193
unless you're touching somebody.
284
00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:33,129
SAL: And if you can't cross
the finish line in 45 seconds,
285
00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:34,757
you lose.
286
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:38,196
SAL: You got to be quick, Joe.
287
00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:40,762
MURR: Remember, you can't move
unless you're touching somebody.
288
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,171
You got to pivot.
It's basketball rules.
289
00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:43,334
One foot has to stay planted.
290
00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:45,969
Q: Buddy, you got
a long way to go.
291
00:10:46,045 --> 00:10:48,377
SAL: You got 45 seconds, bud.
Clock's ticking.
292
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:50,109
Pivot. Pivot.
293
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,549
[ Bell dings]
294
00:10:52,619 --> 00:10:54,280
[ Laughter ]
295
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:01,788
JOE: High five.
296
00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:04,455
[ Laughter ]
297
00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:05,896
Every little bit counts.
298
00:11:05,965 --> 00:11:07,091
How you doing? OK? Good.
299
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,361
You finding everything
all right?
300
00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:09,628
You doing all right, buddy?
301
00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:11,966
Yeah. Everything cool? You
finding everything all right?
302
00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:13,437
Good.
303
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:17,007
[ Sal laughs ]
304
00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:18,907
MURR: You got
10 seconds left, Joey.
305
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,280
- The closer he gets- -
- Don't move!
306
00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:25,645
I'm so happy you asked.
307
00:11:25,718 --> 00:11:26,776
[ Bell dings]
308
00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,218
The flank steak is
the best one to do here.
309
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:29,619
Thank you for shopping Compare.
310
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,156
[ Bell dings]
311
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,556
I'll tell you right now,
I'm gonna win.
312
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:34,888
I got a foolproof idea.
313
00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:36,792
JOE: I can't wait
till this falls flat.
314
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:37,989
Look at his face.
315
00:11:38,064 --> 00:11:40,225
Look, you see his stupid
thoughts on his fa- -
316
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:41,665
Ha ha! Look at him.
317
00:11:41,734 --> 00:11:43,497
"No, it's gonna work
and I'm gonna win
318
00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:45,504
"and I'm not gonna
get punished."
319
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:47,506
MURR: Oh, my God.
320
00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:49,064
Are you seeing what's going on
over here, by the way?
321
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:50,700
Come here. Take a look.
Come here. Come here.
322
00:11:50,777 --> 00:11:51,835
SAL: Oh, that's it, man.
You're gonna win.
323
00:11:51,911 --> 00:11:53,606
- Oh, it's cool.
- Where's your big idea?
324
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:54,704
Right over- - right over here.
325
00:11:54,781 --> 00:11:56,248
The craziest thing happening
right over there.
326
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,113
- Where?
- Come here. Take a look.
327
00:11:58,184 --> 00:11:59,276
What's that?
328
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:00,444
- You're busy?
- Yeah.
329
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,112
- OK.
- Ha ha ha ha!
330
00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:04,088
SAL: The guy looked at him
like he was a tool box.
331
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:05,419
MURR: Well, that didn't work.
332
00:12:05,491 --> 00:12:06,924
[ Buzzer ]
333
00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:13,698
JOE: What, is he setting
a booby trap?
334
00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:16,128
SAL: Oops!
335
00:12:16,202 --> 00:12:18,102
Yeah, I can't bend.
I hurt my back, so- -
336
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:19,536
yeah, I dropped- -
337
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:20,937
ALL: Oh!
338
00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:22,736
- She's kicking it towards him.
- Thank you so much.
339
00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:23,833
They're getting around- -
340
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:25,377
- Always a good move.
- So sweet.
341
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:26,878
SAL: Thank you so much.
342
00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:28,504
- Oh! Oh!
- Thank you so much.
343
00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:33,148
How are you?
[ Bell dings ]
344
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:35,312
JOE: Ho ho ho!
345
00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:37,515
Q: Hurry up, Sal.
You're not gonna make it.
346
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:40,487
[ Bell dings]
347
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:41,959
I'm good.
348
00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:43,518
[ Laughter ]
349
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:44,688
I'm great. I'm great.
350
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,493
[ Bell dings]
351
00:12:48,801 --> 00:12:50,063
Hey, little girl.
352
00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:52,001
There's candy down that aisle.
353
00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:53,629
SAL: Oh, no. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
354
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:56,072
Q: Come on. Come check it out.
355
00:12:58,244 --> 00:12:59,677
Oh, my God.
356
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:01,304
God, this is so weird.
357
00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:02,973
Q: Come on.
358
00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:05,449
- Go! Go! Go!
- Ah! This is weird!
359
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:06,917
This is so weird!
360
00:13:06,986 --> 00:13:08,351
Oh, my God!
361
00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:11,151
Q: Yay!
[ Bell dings]
362
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,249
- Where are your parents?!
- Oh, my God!
363
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,521
Q: Yay!
[ Bell dings]
364
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:16,926
[ Laughter ]
365
00:13:16,996 --> 00:13:18,725
NARRATOR: Murr never
made it down the aisle,
366
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,392
making it a 3- way tie for last.
367
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,095
JOE: We're in the park
trying to get people
368
00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:25,467
to volunteer their time.
369
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,267
But we have no idea what we're
asking them to sign up for.
370
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:28,500
M U RR: That's because
we've created these
371
00:13:28,574 --> 00:13:30,098
fake organizations
for each other.
372
00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:32,576
If you can't get the person
to volunteer, you lose.
373
00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:36,946
Q: Girls, 2 seconds
of your time?
374
00:13:38,184 --> 00:13:39,617
Excellent. I love it.
Thank you.
375
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:41,483
JOE: Bam! Shut down
right out of the gate.
376
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:43,385
[ Laughter ]
377
00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:45,856
Q: Sir? Excuse me.
378
00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:49,452
I'm collecting signatures
for a volunteer foundation.
379
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,929
It's "Pretend to Listen
to an Old Man's Bull- [bleep]."
380
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,831
We just need volunteers
to sit and listen.
381
00:13:54,901 --> 00:13:56,664
SAL: Old dude wanted
no part of that.
382
00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:58,294
Q: Hey, how you guys
doing today?
383
00:13:58,371 --> 00:13:59,895
We're just looking
for volunteers
384
00:13:59,972 --> 00:14:03,772
for, um...
"Turtle Census 2012."
385
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,936
You know, we got, like,
a lot of turtles around here,
386
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:07,741
turtles in the lakes and ponds,
and we just need some people
387
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:10,408
to, like- - just counters to,
like, wade into the lake.
388
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,041
So how many people do you
actually get to do this?
389
00:14:12,118 --> 00:14:14,916
Q: Well, so- - you guys
would be the first.
390
00:14:14,987 --> 00:14:16,079
Hey, listen,
if you guys like turts- -
391
00:14:16,155 --> 00:14:17,247
Do you guys love the turts?
392
00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:18,415
WOMAN: Uh- huh.
393
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:20,857
Give me an hour of your time.
Count some turts.
394
00:14:23,062 --> 00:14:24,290
- OK.
- Just put your name and e- mail.
395
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,661
Come on, man.
He called them "turts."
396
00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:26,960
- Thank you so much.
- Q, what are you doing?
397
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:29,263
an” Turtle Census 2012 an”
398
00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:30,700
[ Bell dings]
399
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:32,032
Two seconds. I got to talk
to you real quick.
400
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:34,096
I'm with the volunteer squad
here in New York.
401
00:14:34,173 --> 00:14:37,973
So, we have a thing coming up
called the "End Slavery 5K."
402
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:39,272
[ Laughter ]
403
00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:40,937
So what we're looking is
to get people to help
404
00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:42,776
with the race to end slavery.
405
00:14:42,849 --> 00:14:44,578
And we're looking for people,
really, to bake croissants
406
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:46,914
for a bake sale that we do.
Do you bake?
407
00:14:46,986 --> 00:14:49,147
[ Laughter ]
408
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,213
This race is actually
happening in Long Island
409
00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:52,951
to end slavery
in the Long Island area.
410
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,588
Yeah, it's amazing that there's
still slavery there.
411
00:14:57,196 --> 00:14:58,891
A lot of people don't.
412
00:14:58,965 --> 00:15:00,432
MAN: You can take
my name and e- mail.
413
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,331
I can take your name
and e- mail? That's awesome.
414
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:03,835
- They're signing up.
Are they nuts?
415
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,427
I really appreciate it, guys.
Have a great day.
416
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:06,802
- Bye.
- Tick- tock.
417
00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:08,704
[ Bell dings]
418
00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:10,174
Hey, can I tell you about
a volunteer organization
419
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,540
I started by myself?
420
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:13,909
We're looking for volunteers
for the organization,
421
00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:16,346
and right now we're trying
to get Phil laid.
422
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,713
It's the "Get Phil Laid Fund."
423
00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:19,081
[ Laughter ]
424
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:21,143
- He needs our help.
- I need help, too.
425
00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:22,881
Q: This guy don't look
like he's buying it.
426
00:15:22,955 --> 00:15:24,889
- What's your name?
- Willie G.
427
00:15:24,957 --> 00:15:26,288
SAL: Willie G.?
428
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,452
I could start a foundation
in your name.
429
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:30,758
We could do the
"Get Willie G. Laid Fund."
430
00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:32,889
Would you sign up
to Help Willie G. Get Laid fund?
431
00:15:32,965 --> 00:15:34,626
- Yeah.
- Oh!
432
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:36,292
JOE: Is he signing up?
433
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,098
Well, there's a dude
that wants to get some.
434
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:39,661
- Got it.
- That's a good plan.
435
00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:41,263
[ Bell dings]
436
00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:43,171
Sir, do you volunteer
for anything in the city?
437
00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:45,039
You do? What kind of things
do you volunteer for?
438
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:47,102
Q: Look how fast he's pedaling
to get away from Murray.
439
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:49,648
MURR: Are you interested
in volunteering for anything?
440
00:15:49,715 --> 00:15:50,909
No?
441
00:15:50,983 --> 00:15:52,075
Excuse me. Hi.
442
00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:53,413
Yeah, I don't know
if you do any volunteering,
443
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:54,578
but I'm just trying
to get people to volunteer.
444
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:56,053
It's a great cause.
445
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:59,785
It's the "Help a Kid Shut Up
For Once Bake Sale," which is- -
446
00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:00,985
WOMAN: It doesn't sound good.
447
00:16:01,060 --> 00:16:02,357
Well, you know how
there are some kids
448
00:16:02,428 --> 00:16:03,952
that just yap and yap
and yap and yap?
449
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:05,622
Well, actually, I work
with kids, so I don't- -
450
00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:06,687
MURR: You work with kids?
So you know
451
00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:08,097
that they don't shut
the "f" up.
452
00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:09,998
WOMAN: Yeah,
but grownups don't ever
453
00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:11,263
shut the [bleep] up, either.
454
00:16:11,337 --> 00:16:12,827
[ Laughter ]
455
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:13,997
MURR: So, do you want
to sign up for it or- -
456
00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:15,973
- No, no.
- Oh, no dice.
457
00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:17,270
[ Buzzer ]
458
00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:19,607
NARRATOR: Murr is the only
nonprofit in that one,
459
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:22,045
and that makes him
tonight's big loser.
460
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:24,007
All right, we're here
to punish Murr!
461
00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:26,415
JOE: Ha ha ha! They say
that life imitates art.
462
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,613
Q: Well, today Murr
is gonna be imitating someone
463
00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:30,053
that knows something about art.
464
00:16:30,122 --> 00:16:33,057
SAL: Inside this gallery is
a roomful of art enthusiasts.
465
00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:35,719
Let's see how you do explaining
the sculptures we made for you.
466
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:36,762
- Sculptures?
- Sculptures.
467
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:37,887
Beautiful sculptures.
468
00:16:37,964 --> 00:16:40,626
MURR: I know nothing
about sculpting.
469
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,634
[ indistinct conversations]
470
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:48,766
MAN: Ladies and gentlemen,
471
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:50,172
James Murray.
472
00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:51,676
[ Applause ]
473
00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:56,611
Hi, everybody.
My name is James Murray.
474
00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:58,172
I am the sculptor today,
475
00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:00,685
and I'm very proud
to have my exhibit shown.
476
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:03,950
Let's take a look
at the first piece.
477
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:08,285
[ Laughter ]
478
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,329
MAN: What the [bleep]?
479
00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:11,590
SAL: Look at him get- -
480
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:14,064
MURR: So, what does this mean?
481
00:17:14,133 --> 00:17:16,499
And the answer is quite simple.
482
00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:25,777
[ Laughter ]
483
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:28,405
Love...
484
00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:31,746
Can we put a clock on love?
485
00:17:31,817 --> 00:17:35,378
Can you tell the heart not
to love for another 31 days,
486
00:17:35,454 --> 00:17:38,287
5 hours, 10 minutes,
and one second?
487
00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:44,153
If you don't want to be
arrested. Very true.
488
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,993
[ Laughter ]
489
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,896
Let's take a look
at the next piece of art.
490
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:49,457
SAL: Oh, wait.
491
00:17:49,535 --> 00:17:50,661
[ Laughter ]
492
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:54,697
JOE: This is a real blanket
he still sleeps with
493
00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:57,607
that I stole from the apartment.
494
00:17:57,677 --> 00:17:59,907
MURR: That is my real blankie.
495
00:17:59,979 --> 00:18:02,470
[ Laughter ]
496
00:18:02,548 --> 00:18:05,415
inside all of us is
a burning flame.
497
00:18:05,484 --> 00:18:06,951
So that's what it
comes down to, is that
498
00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:11,683
when life gives you lemons,
don't blow out the flame.
499
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:13,554
And that's what it
really comes down to.
500
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:15,116
It's hot. I'm sweating.
501
00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:17,856
Let's take a look
at the next piece.
502
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,329
We've been waiting
for this moment...
503
00:18:19,398 --> 00:18:20,831
Q: I think since I was born.
504
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,162
JOE: Do you realize
what's gonna happen
505
00:18:22,234 --> 00:18:23,667
when this curtain gets
revealed right now?
506
00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:25,067
[ Laughter ]
507
00:18:32,578 --> 00:18:34,273
MURR: The, uh, uh, um...
508
00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:35,644
[ Laughter ]
509
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:37,876
- He's got nothing.
- Nothing.
510
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,919
So, this is a mu- -
this is a muscular,
511
00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:43,717
uh, glistening black man.
512
00:18:45,224 --> 00:18:46,987
How did I sculpt him?
513
00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:48,720
The glaze...
514
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:51,524
[ Laughter ]
515
00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:53,428
on the back over here- -
516
00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:55,831
let me adjust the sculpture
a little bit.
517
00:18:55,901 --> 00:18:57,926
OK, I'll just leave him.
518
00:18:58,004 --> 00:19:01,303
JOE: Murray couldn't move
that guy for $40 million.
519
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:05,708
MURR: As you can see, he's got
quite defined pectoral muscles.
520
00:19:07,513 --> 00:19:08,775
[ Laughter ]
521
00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:10,179
MURR: So what does
all this mean?
522
00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:18,755
MURR: Well, that's
my last one, anyway.
523
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:21,953
[ Laughter ]
524
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:25,794
I apologize if I've come across
not as eloquent as I had hoped.
525
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:28,293
Anyways.
35602
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