Original subtitles

Because these are my award -winning entry to this bake cook -off. And you're

sure going to do well this year, Mom.

Oh, I hope so. But you know Julianne last year, you know, her apple pie, and

think she had something going on with Judge Christian, too.

Well, I know Mike, and he's been working for that guy Christian for about three

years. He's a pretty good boss.

Yeah.

Well,

I think you're going to do swell, Mom. Your baking looks great.

Yeah. I'm going to go run some errands, but I'll see you soon. Good luck.

Get up here.

Aw, Mom.

Hello, Jermaine.

Hello. Hi, Mr. May.

You just missed Chad.

I haven't seen Chad.

What? 15 years almost.

How are you?

Good. Good to see you. All right. Another year?

Yeah.

Would anybody like some sweet tea?

No, thank you. Okay, I'm good.

Thanks, ma 'am. I'd love some.

There you go.

Thank you, Mr. May.

Hello?

What?

Are you kidding?

No.

No, no, no. Don't move. No, I'll be right there. No, it's no problem. Yeah,

yeah. Okay.

I'll be right there. Oh, my God. All right. Thank you.

All right.

Everybody, listen up, listen up, listen up.

Someone's got to tell Julianne this when she gets here. I guess when you're the

champion, you feel like you can be late the next year, but that's okay.

As you know, I run the large bakery in town, and there's a problem, a water

burst, and I have to be there immediately.

I cannot judge this year's bake -off. I know I've done it five years in a row.

This year, I'm going to have to leave it up to my trusty assistant, Michael, so

he will take over. So someone tell Julia Ann when she gets here that Michael

will be judging the bake -off. Michael, please come with me. Good luck to

everybody, my friend.

You're capable.

You can do this. You just have to be impartial. Do you understand?

Don't let these women try to persuade you.

Do you understand?

Absolutely. Impartial. Here you go.

Good luck, son.

You do a hell of a job.

Ladies,

I am here and I have brought the winning cake.

Yes, that's right.

Another year?

It's all here.

I'm sorry. Don't cry.

Don't cry.

Oh, we just need to do that. What?

Oh,

goodness.

Don't be jealous.

I feel anything. It's mine.

Is that a little burnt?

It looks a little dry.

A little brown.

Yeah, you all wish.

You all wish.

You know what?

That sexy touch.

He had an emergency at the bakery.

He won't be here.

No, he will not. But we have Mike judging it here.

Hi, Julia.

And he's going to be impartial.

Right.

It's been so long since I've seen you come here.

What?

Oh, my goodness.

He hasn't been talking.

How is Mia? I haven't seen her in a long time. Mia's great. She's good.

She's carrying two carrots right now. And you just look as delectable as

All edible.

I'm glad she's doing well. I really liked her.

Yeah. So, anyhow, I guess we should get this on the move.

Yeah, let the judging begin.

I know. Here you are. Here's your cake.

Here's your winner. Here, please.

No. This is definitely your winner.

Okay.

You know, Ashley, you know what I was thinking?

Maybe you and I should have a talk because, you know, Ashley, there's

that I just said to you about me.

Just one second.

Just one second, okay? Just one second.

Let's have a little talk, maybe in the other room, you know, because Mia really

has missed you an awful lot. Okay.

Try as you can be. We just need to have a little chat.

Okay, are we going to talk about the judging?

Um, no, no, not exactly. You know, as far as I'm concerned, I mean, I think

know and I know that I've already won.

Well, I don't know. All the baked goods look really nice.

I know they do. I know they do. But I think that in the next few minutes, you

and I are going to come to an understanding.

Oh, Michael.

You can't fight it.

I'm going to give you the best blowjob you've ever had.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. And afterwards, I'm walking away with that trophy. I don't

know. I think I have to be impartial the whole time.

Oh, yeah, impartial. I know.

You can look at your cup.

Does it stink?

It can take you but a second to get anywhere you want to go.

It's just too good.

I'm a little strange just doing this. You know, being that you dated my

and all.

I won't tell if you don't.

Aren't we?

This is bullshit.

Well, you don't like the idea of number two?

You guys can all grab it. Who's going to get that?

It's not going to have any effect on my judging, I promise.

Oh, that's right.

You know, ladies, if we can't beat her, we might as well join her.

Sick, but I like it.

Oh, you're getting in on this, are you?

It's not going to affect anything.

Oh, we'll see about that.

We'll see about that. We'll see about the princess.

How does the princess taste now?

And her Oreo?

Cupcakes? How do those taste?

I've got a bunch of hungry wives, honestly.

All we wanted to do was want a little bake off. Your turn.

You're getting dessert.

You do that pretty well, it's no wonder you won.

Oh my

god.

A hungry little birdie.

There's a lot more titties here.

No, cuz you're gonna be there

Somebody hold that.

Come on, Michael.

We'll break that party up.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God, that's it.

Fucking clowning.

Oh, yeah. Oh, God.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh. Oh, God.

Oh, I'm starting to see my legs.

Ah!

Oh, shit.

You like that?

You like that?

Oh, yeah, that feels good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh,

fuck. Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Let me take that coffee.

Let me take that coffee with you, too. Come on.

Come on.

Let me get that.

I got it! I got it!

Eat it.

We'll give you a pineapple upside down cake.

Oh, it's gonna get like that.

Oh,

fuck yeah.

That's on the couch.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

um

Oh yeah, that's it, right there, right there, right there, right there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fuck yeah. Fuck.

Fuck,

fuck, fuck, fuck.

Okay, okay.

Yeah.

You need to be a lot closer.

Do you want to put your hand on my finger?

Do you want to feel your fucking finger fucking my ass?

Yeah?

That's good.

You like that? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you ready?

You ready for it?

Oh,

yeah.

My heart is still coming.

Oh, that's fucking nice.

Ladies, I'm sorry to say, Mr.

May is the winner.

What?

I'm sorry.

What? Are you fucking kidding me? Get him.

Uh -uh.

Uh -uh. Uh -uh.

No way, man.

Hey, mate.

What's up, man? How you doing? You all right? What's going on, man?

Yeah.

So how'd the bake sale go? How'd my mom do?

Bake sale was great. Your mom won, no problem.

Awesome. Well, thanks very much, dude.

Taking you to Vegas next week. My treat. All right, buddy. Have a good day, man.