Original subtitles

Dear Lily, I've been reconnecting with an old friend

who's in town for the holidays, and we have a complicated history.

There is no way I'm throwing away my peacoat.

No. No.

But it's so old, and this shoulder is ripped.

I know, but my… my peacoat is like Hagrid's jacket. It's magical.

I love how I can just… I reach into my pockets.

Never know what I'm gonna find.

-Oh, moldy muffin. -Ugh.

As your friend and potential wing woman,

I highly recommend you let me style you if you're looking to meet someone tonight.

No. Well, I actually already met someone, sort of.

How do you sort of meet someone?

I don't know if I'd trust a girl who dares you to put cheese on pie.

That's just wrong.

Yeah, well,

Lily is, um, unique. I'm into it.

So, this is why you made me come all the way to Gowanus for pie.

Well, it's… it's how the game works.

I have to do the dare and then report back.

So… All right.

Mmm.

That's actually really good.

Sofia, you should try some of this.

- I'm sure. - I really--

I really think it's-- Honestly, it's good.

I'm happy for you, Dash.

You finally found that perfect girl in your head.

What is that supposed to mean?

I mean, like most guys,

you carry around this ideal girl in your head,

and every girl you're with gets measured up against that girl.

So, this notebook game is a great idea.

I mean, if you never meet Lily,

she can just be that perfect girl in your head forever.

No, no, no. We're gonna meet eventually.

We just want to get to know each other first.

I think it's super romantic, but I want to caution you.

When you put girls on pedestals, they fall.

Now, hurry up, and let's go to Bergdorf's.

We need to shop for the party tonight.

Thank you, Lily, for helping me be flexible when facing the past.

You've given me a Christmas break that doesn't totally suck.

In the spirit of reciprocity, my Christmas gift to you will be my name.

I'll give the notebook to Mrs. Basil E

so it can be under your tree on Christmas morning.

So, this Notebook Guy is the one who got you to go to the club.

He seems cool, if you're into guys.

So, we heard about Fiji.

I'm so sorry, Lily.

It's okay.

It's not definite yet, so I'm trying to stay positive.

Well, you have a PhD in positivity.

So if anyone can do it, it's you.

Besides, it's win-win.

You'd be literally moving to paradise.

New York is overrated.

Just finish any unfinished business and escape.

Okay, so this place puts cheese on pies?

That is an unholy violation.

I kind of like it.

- Oh, Lord, cast the demon out. - Try it.

Speaking of casting the demon out…

Dear Notebook Boy, whose name I'm excited to finally learn,

I'm happy I could help.

It feels like so many things in my life are up in the air right now.

But not you.

You've helped me feel better about facing the future.

What are you staring at?

It's not my fault another boy asked me out before you.

Up for some Catan?

Christmas Eve tradition.

I don't play Catan with liars.

You know, for the record, I didn't lie about Fiji. I withheld.

There's a difference.

I'm sorry that I lashed out, okay?

The breakup with Benny hit me hard, and I took it out on you.

And that was dumb because you are my rock.

I could really use your help

to get my mind off the fact that #love is officially dead.

Look, even if I wasn't really mad at you right now,

I can't because I have a date tonight, so…

Wait, with Notebook Boy?

#love is back in.

It's actually with, um, another boy.

-You didn't tell me you met someone else. -I withheld.

Actually, I could really use your advice on how to cancel.

Cancel? Why would you cancel? My advice is never cancel a date, ever.

But aren't I betraying Notebook Boy by going out with someone else?

You're keeping your options open. That's healthy.

What if I don't want to keep my options open?

I like Notebook Boy.

I like him too. I like him most because he encourages you to get out of your bubble.

This is a real boy.

It is, right?

This is a real boy? This isn't another Muppet?

-You got a problem with Muppets now? -Yeah.

Besides, he hasn't asked you out yet. Like, what is he even up to today?

He said he was reconnecting with an old friend.

That snake.

An "old friend"? That is code for an ex.

No.

"Old friend," like a friend he met at a nursing home.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, it's totally code for ex.

And his friend Boomer said he has one.

See? He has a past. He has experience. You need to go get some before--

Fiji.

Look, I know that change is scary,

but if you ever want to meet this Notebook Boy, tell him.

- Hey. - Hey. Keep it down.

No one's supposed to see us together.

- You definitely haven't told him we met? - No way.

He still thinks you put the notebook in the video drop box.

Our conversations are strictly off the record.

Good. Because off the record, I was wondering… It's stupid,

but you said your friend had an ex, and…

I was wondering if there was any way they were maybe still hanging out.

Hell, no. No.

Him and Sofia are… are way done, as in she moved to Brazil.

Good. He just said he was hanging out with an old friend,

and everyone knows "old friend" is a code for ex, so I thought--

You don't have anything to worry about.

Sofia's a thousand miles away.

Good.

You know… he never mentioned he was hanging out with an old friend,

which is… which is weird.

I'm sure it's nothing.

Can you just give this to him before I change my mind?

Yeah, I'm seeing him tonight at a party. I'll make sure he gets it.

-And? -I know. We never saw each other.

Sofia, you're, uh… you're back in town.

It's only been a few days.

I like your sweatshirt.

-What does it mean? -Oh, it's from Die Hard.

You've… you've never seen Die Hard?

-That must be Dash. Mm-hmm. -That's probably Dash.

Hey, Boomer and Sofia.

Hi.

Slim pants and a mod mock neck.

Someone is in fine form tonight.

It's a pie.

You should have seen him crying at Bergdorf's

when I made him throw away his peacoat.

- I wasn't crying. - Wait, you went shopping with Sofia?

Well, I think you look much improved, and I'm actually really glad

Sofia got you to come because I can use you.

I need to do a book analysis for AP lit and want something impressive.

In Cold Blood, On Beauty or Kafka on the Shore.

Those are your favorites, right?

-Right. -Well, thank you, Dash, by way of Sofia.

And thank you both for picking up dessert.

Wait, you went shopping with Sofia and picked up dessert?

I am so glad the band is back together.

Hey, yo, Lily.

- Oh, hi. - Hey.

Um, wait. Ready?

- No way! Oh, my-- - Shh.

No one in the world could pull off a sweater like that,

but you… you are rocking it.

Thank you. Okay. Now get in, please.

- Oh! Oh! Ah. - Oh, my God, are you okay?

I got you.

I got you. That was… that was good.

You're spending the day with Sofia and not telling me about it?

Hey. No, no, no, it's not a big deal. We're just friends.

Yeah. Well, I'm your best friend,

so it's my duty to tell you that she's bad for you.

What are you talking about? I thought you liked Sofia.

Yeah, of… of course I like Sofia.

She's the coolest, most worldly person in the world,

but… but she's wrong for you.

You're falling right back into your bad habits with her.

What bad habits?

When you used to date, she'd style you, talk for you,

and now you're back following her around like some mute zombie Ken doll.

I…

Most importantly, are you even having fun?

This conversation isn't helping.

Look, Lily…

she makes you have fun.

She brings out the best in you. She… she… she challenges you.

Are you okay?

Who, me? Fine.

I'm not nervous at all for a party full of strangers.

Is it hot in here?

Not… not that I'm sweating, if that's what you're thinking.

-Kind of regretting the heavy cotton. -Hey, don't worry.

You're with me.

Yeah.

All right, well, I promise to keep you abreast

of all of my whereabouts going forward.

Good. And in that spirit, I actually have to leave.

Already? Why you leaving?

Yeah, I'm seeing a double feature of Die Hard and It's a Wonderful Life

at the Angelika with Jeff.

Who's Jeff?

The Macy's elf. See, doesn't feel good, does it?

Look, beware of Sofia. Don't blow a good thing with Lily, all right?

Okay.

Yo, my boy, you made it!

Hand me your jacket. I'm gonna go hang these,

make the rounds, say hi to some peeps.

Okay.

Make yourself at home.

Dear Notebook Boy,

today I saw a poster for that new Pixar movie, Collation.

Have you seen it?

It's a love story.

Like You've Got Mail but with office supplies.

And, sure, the female lead is literally a blank piece of paper,

but the poster is beautiful.

And I keep thinking about that trailer

where the highlighter marker voiced by Gina Rodriguez says,

"Be bold."

Hey, what up D-bag?

Reading at a party?

Classic Dash.

Hey, I love you, bro.

I love you.

I wish you were here with me so we could come up

with office supply puns together.

But "be bold" feels right.

You've encouraged me to be bolder than I've ever been,

so it's time for me to put it out there.

This notebook isn't enough anymore.

It's time to take what we have off the page and meet in person.

What do you say?

We could even see Collation.

Dear Lily,

I wish you were here with me right now too.

This is a vital decision people.

Home Alone…

…or Home Alone 2.

Guys, no, no, come on, how is that even a choice?

The New York geography in Home Alone 2 is atrocious.

No, 'cause Kevin lands at an airport that just magically

has a view of the Manhattan skyline, and then he goes from the Empire Diner

to Chinatown and then to the top of the World Trade Center, like, on foot,

and then somehow makes his way uptown to the Plaza, in winter.

Nevertheless, I love the movie. Let's do Home Alone 2.

That's a nice sweater.

I'm aware that I look ridiculous. Thanks.

No, no, no, I'm sorry. No, no, no, you look great. I…

I look ridiculous. Look at my pants. They're, like, fancy.

Check this out.

Mmm.

Oh!

It's a Christmas tree.

Yeah. It's a Christmas tree.

-That is very impressive. -Thanks.

You know, I hate when people label sweaters ugly.

Well, then I would like to say yours is very unconventionally attractive.

Thanks.

Well, your pants are beautiful on the inside.

Metaphorically speaking. Not literally.

I don't know what's in your pants. What they're like on the in… inside.

- How do you know Priya? - Who's Priya?

That's her-- I mean, you're eating her macaroon.

Oh.

Yeah.

I don't really know anyone.

Oh, okay.

-So then you're a burglar. -Mm-hmm.

Okay. Tell you what, actually.

I will let you rob the joint as long as you, please,

take me as a hostage, because I will use any excuse to leave.

Show me where they keep the jewels?

We will be at the border before they notice we're gone.

Why does that seem easier than being at a party?

'Cause I think the only people that are actually comfortable at parties are,

well, people like him.

- You know him? - Yes!

Edgar Thibaud? Yeah. He just does whatever pops into his head.

Whatever random, just stupid, stupid, idiotic thing.

I don't know, people love him. I don't really get it.

-What about her? -That's so pretty.

Center of the crowd.

Practically glowing. You know, I see girls like her,

and it's like they speak a different language.

She actually speaks six.

See? I bet she's never been alone at a party in her life.

Well, if one's different, one's bound to be lonely.

Brave New World.

Yeah.

At least we can be lonely together. I'm… I'm Dash.

- I'm-- - I knew I'd find you in a corner.

It's almost Christmas. You promised me a dance.

Oh… um…

Hey. Dash, bro, are you hitting on my girl?

Yeah, I… I think this party's getting a little too tame.

I say we, uh… we spice it up a little bit, huh?

You like dares, don't you, Dash? Why don't we play Truth or Dare?

Yes.

Yeah!

Okay, who's next?

Okay, okay, my turn.

Dash…

truth or dare?

Please, no.

Come on, don't be boring.

Come on.

Uh…

Dare.

I dare you to leave this party with me…

and travel back in time.

Now. I'm serious.

- We can actually leave? - Yes.

Okay.

Okay.

Now it's your turn.

Truth or dare?

Um…

Truth?

What is…

the craziest place that you've ever hooked up?

What is the craziest place you've ever made out?

Um…

Held hands?

Who is she?

Um…

Come on, tell me where we're going.

The suspense is killing me almost as much as this blindfold.

Well, I know how uncomfortable you are in crowds.

Oh, yeah.

And I remember you always said that museums would be great

if it weren't for all the people,

so….

Voilà.

Sofia, I hate to break it to you, but the Morgan is closed.

For everybody else.

Priya's dad is on the board.

She owed me.

You ready to travel back in time?

You took us here on our first date.

You were so nervous.

You didn't say anything until we got to the Old Masters.

-And then you called them-- -Overrated.

'Cause they are.

Look, it's your ideal girl.

She's on a pedestal.

I should get her number.

What are you smiling about?

I'm just realizing that this night reminds me of a book.

It's about, like, these two kids who run away from home to live in a museum.

I don't know that book. What's it called?

From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E…

Frankweiler.

-What are you doing? -Come on.

I dare you.

All right, listen up. My dare is for everyone to play strip poker. Yes?

We do that every year, so…

Wait, Lily, Lily, wait. Don't… don't go yet. We're having fun.

I have to get home before my curfew.

All right, well, at least let me call you an Uber.

Okay. Sure.

Thank you.

Have you really never been kissed?

Why?

Because I'm weird?

No, because you're beautiful.

I'm so sorry. This holiday surge pricing is way too expensive,

and my dad is such a dick about keeping me on a budge.

Could you call your own Uber?

Hey, Thibaud, you're up!

Well, duty calls.

Night, Lily.

Thirty minutes early.

Hope you had a nice time caroling, Lily-bear.

At least tomorrow I'll know your name.

No. No… no more dares, like…

-Come on, what are we really doing here? -Well, the truth is…

if I could actually go back in time…

I'd travel to when we were still together.

No, you would not want that, trust me.

Why not?

Come on, it wasn't just you going to Brazil that broke us up.

It was me.

Um… I was putting up walls. I was never truly myself when I was with you.

Oh, I agree, but you've changed so much.

Maybe, but we still haven't.

At the party, you answered pretty much every question for me.

I was just trying to help. I know how much you hate talking at parties.

Yes, but if you always talk for me, then I'm never gonna talk to anyone.

I… I don't need you to protect me.

You're right.

I see that now.

If you want the truth…

I'd like us to be more than friends.