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Okay, so our next act, a very funny man.
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Please make him feel welcome.
Jeff Nichols.
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Hi. My name is Jeff,
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and I'm an alcoholic.
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Hi, Jeff.
Hi, Jeff.
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I have severe learning disabilities,
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which have plagued me my whole life.
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I've been diagnosed with ADD, dyslexia,
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and a mild case of Tourette's Syndrome.
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I have trouble balancing, which doctors have told me
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is inner ear related, but it's not.
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It's more associated with the word "balance"
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than with balance itself.
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The good news is that none of these problems, however,
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are the result of my addiction to alcohol.
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I've been sober for almost ten years.
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I've always wanted to do good, you know?
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Kind of be a hero.
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Even on the day that made me get sober,
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I started out with the best intentions.
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My mommy had lined up a job for me.
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All I had to do was pass the interview.
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Sorry.
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Oh, it's..
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Got it.
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It's..
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Good morning.
Morning.
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I already put the shirt on.
I'm just gonna wear it.
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Right. One yellow Oxford.
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Yellow?
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Yellow? I thought this was white.
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No. It's yellow.
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It is. It is yellow.
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I don't.. Maybe I should get a white one.
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You know, I've got a big job interview today.
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It's just that these guys, they
wear traditional white Oxford shirts.
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It's kind of the standard, you know?
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I think the yellow looks nicer on you.
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How can you tell if you like it better
if you haven't seen me in the white?
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I can tell when your face is red,
so the yellow tones it down a bit.
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It's cute.
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You don't think it's too yellow, do you?
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No.
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This is very important, you know.
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I'm thinking maybe I should get both.
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No. I think I should get white.
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Listen, if you want the white one, it's right there.
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You can just grab it.
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I don't want to create a problem for you.
I just..
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I don't know.
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I should get a white one.
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Can you just tell me one more time..
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do you like the yellow?
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I do. Yes.
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Promise?
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Yes, I promise.
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Hey. How are you?
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Uh, Jeff Nichols.
I'm here for the interview.
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Just sit down with the others.
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Fuck!
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I'll be right back.
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Jesus Christ. Relax.
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Do you think this shirt looks good on me?
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It looks fine.
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It's not too noticeable, is it?
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Why would it be?
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Because it's yellow.
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No. I didn't even notice.
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Thanks, man.
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He's right.
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Work it to own it because you're in it to win it.
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Cathy, would you be a doll
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and send in the next interviewee?
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Mm-hmm.
Thanks.
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Would the gentleman in the
yellow shirt come up here?
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Before Mommy found out about the job interview,
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I wanted to make her proud.
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Fucking idiot!
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I hate you!
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I just needed my stuff on this boat to do it.
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You watch!
If I can't land her a job,
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I'm going to land her a fish!
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The only thing that makes me feel good,
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that lifts me up and tells me that I'm worthy
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is when I catch a fish.
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Nothing's like it.
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Nothing makes you feel better.
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Mommy! Mommy!
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What is it, sweetie?
Did you catch one?
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Yeah.
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Here, let me get it.
Your first fish.
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Look at that!
Should we let him go?
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Yeah.
Okay.
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You want to say goodbye?
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Bye.
Goodbye, Mr. Fish.
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Go on.
Go away.
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Jeff, I'm so proud of you.
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Do you like fishing?
Do you want to fish some more?
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Yeah.
You're my hero, sweetie.
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That was the biggest fish I've ever seen.
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You are really a great fisherman.
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Oh, thank God!
Thank God!
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♪ Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed ♪
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♪ Late at night I toss and I turn ♪
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♪ And I dream of what I need
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♪ I need a hero
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♪ I'm holding out for at hero
'til the end of the night ♪
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♪ He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast ♪
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♪ And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
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♪ I need a hero
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♪ I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light ♪
Whoo!
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♪ He's gotta be sure and it's gotta be soon ♪
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♪ And he's gotta be larger than life ♪
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♪ Larger than life ♪
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Whoo!
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Yeah, baby! Whoo-hoo!
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Yeah, Mama, I got your fish!
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Whoo-hoo! I'm gonna make you proud, Mama!
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Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo!
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♪ I need a hero
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Yeah! Hah!
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This makes things a whole lot better.
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Mother of God!
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When the Coast Guard gets here, you tell
them you saw a woman, and she ran that way.
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You're cool, guys.
Stay true to yourselves.
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What an idiot.
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I don't remember how I got back to the city,
128
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but I know I got mugged.
129
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By some miracle, I made it home.
130
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He doesn't. You're right.
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Well, I almost made it home.
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Well, as long as it makes him happy.
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Fine with me.
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Oh, my God.
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Oh, my God!
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Jeff.
Morning.
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Jeff. Oh, sweetie!
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Are you okay?
Mommy.
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Oh, sweetie, what did you do?
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I don't think I got the job, Mommy.
141
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But you know what still bugs me?
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I submit as a fact that the single hardest thing
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for a person with learning
disabilities like mine to do
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is to captain a boat.
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There's so many things to take care of.
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You got the electrical system,
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you got the hull, the lines,
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the radio, the paint, the weather.
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It's endless!
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I don't want to blame Mike for letting me use his boat,
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but I will say that he didn't
show the best judgment either.
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Then there's my mom, You're deflecting, man.
153
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Hey, come on, no cross talk.
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Some might call it deflecting, some might call it fact.
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I've identified the enemy, details.
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I'm sorry. If everybody's gonna
get a chance to share tonight,
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we need to limit the sharing to five minutes.
158
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I didn't get to say what I wanted to say.
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What do you want to say?
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Isn't it hot in here?
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What do you say we vote to turn down the heat?
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Please. Just hurry up, finish your share.
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But I can't with all this pressure!
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Then shut the fuck up!
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Hey, come on! No acting out!
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Well, then tell this asshole to shut the fuck up
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and let somebody else speak!
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I am detoxifying here, man!
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And what he's saying, he's got me so
confused I think I'm gonna fucking snap!
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Thanks for letting me share.
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Hi. My name is Jeff, and I'm an alcoholic.
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Hi, Jeff.
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What I've been trying to say...
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is that I don't want to blame it on the program.
175
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But I've spent almost a decade
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thinking that the most important
thing in my life is staying sober
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while everyone else I know has gone
on to do great things with their lives.
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And all I do is sneak into gyms
and substitute teach on the side,
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not that I'm bad at it.
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I'm actually pretty good.
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I just don't find it fulfilling.
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All right!
Fuck geography!
183
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Let's play Simon says!
Simon says do this!
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I... love... school!
185
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Books... are... good!
186
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Reading... is... good!
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You! You, you're out, you're out. Seriously.
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I'm...
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I'm alone all the time.
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It hurts to feel lonely.
191
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And I'm ashamed to admit it,
192
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but I've been avoiding calling Lenny,
193
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the guy I'm mentoring for over a week now.
194
00:11:23,751 --> 00:11:26,186
I think at the Serene Horizon meeting on Thursday
195
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I'm just going to have to cut Lenny loose.
196
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I know I should be trying to help
him for my benefit as well as his,
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but I just don't have the strength right now.
198
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You see, my Tourette's Syndrome
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has been creating a real shit-storm lately.
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For hours during the night,
I've involuntarily been playing
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a game of fantasy basketball in my head.
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This ain't no game, man!
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00:12:05,793 --> 00:12:09,529
That's a foul!
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00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:11,498
I love you, Jeff!
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00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:17,805
Pushing!
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00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:19,372
What?
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It's debilitating.
208
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:23,676
What? That's not a foul!
209
00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:25,813
I'll show you a foul!
210
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I'll fuckin' kill you, Ref!
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00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,716
Hoo! You're out of here!
212
00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:32,319
Oh, my God!
They're clearing the benches!
213
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:35,923
(Spanish)
214
00:12:36,023 --> 00:12:39,392
Motherfucker, I told you to quit clapping!
215
00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:42,830
Sorry. I'll turn the TV down.
216
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:52,906
Since I was very young,
217
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I've always had the same dream.
218
00:12:56,977 --> 00:13:00,547
Jeff? Jeff?
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00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:02,349
Yes, you.
220
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:06,854
Your job is to put the red balls in the red bin
221
00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:10,223
and to put the yellow balls in the yellow bin
222
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:13,961
and to put the blue balls in the blue bin.
223
00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:15,228
Got it?
224
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,330
Yup.
Good.
225
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:31,211
Yay, Jeff!
226
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,046
Good!
227
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:38,085
Good job, sweetie!
228
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,454
You are so good at this!
229
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:43,390
It's a simple dream.
230
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,926
And all the details go away.
231
00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:47,895
It comforts me.
232
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:49,729
Thanks for letting me share.
233
00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:52,532
Thanks, Jeff.
Thanks, Jeff.
234
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:54,301
That was a great share, Jeff.
235
00:13:54,401 --> 00:13:57,337
So your message is just to keep it simple?
236
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,439
Yeah.
237
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:03,443
What did you think of the famous
Serene Horizon meeting? Did you share?
238
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:06,579
Yeah, I shared.
Jeff, weren't you listening?
239
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:10,817
Yeah, I was.
How you doing, man?
240
00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:12,752
Well, it's been tough this past two weeks,
241
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,755
not drinking and losing my job over at Con-Ed
242
00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:16,924
'cause I really loved that.
243
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,758
It's the only thing I cared about.
244
00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:20,928
And I'm lonely.
245
00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:24,297
I'm so lonely.
I haven't touched a woman in three months.
246
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:29,002
Well, I got a message for you.. masturbation helps.
247
00:14:30,938 --> 00:14:32,805
I need another meeting.
That's a good idea.
248
00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:34,507
Why don't you call me if you have any problems?
249
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:35,842
Your phone's disconnected.
250
00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:38,245
It'll be connected soon.
I promise.
251
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:42,315
Why don't I just give you my
address and you come over sometime?
252
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:45,953
I think that'll be best. I live
in an SRO. It's really crowded.
253
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:47,587
As a matter of fact they let
me have a roommate, it's so crowded.
254
00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:48,956
He moved out 'cause of my drinking.
255
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:51,058
Lenny, why don't I call you, okay?
256
00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:54,027
I'm really in a state right now, okay?
257
00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:56,796
I told you, man.
I've been in ten years,
258
00:14:56,964 --> 00:15:02,435
but I'm really not qualified to help you, okay?
259
00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:06,773
Here. Just write it down.
260
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,475
Great.
261
00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:16,316
I think it'd be great if you come over sometime.
262
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,817
Take care, man.
263
00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:19,486
Don't drink.
All right.
264
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:23,991
Hi. Excuse me.
265
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:26,994
Hi. I'm sorry that I forgot the donuts.
266
00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:28,861
Oh, no, that wasn't..
267
00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:33,000
No, I just.. I actually wanted to ask you a question.
268
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:36,003
Maybe we can talk about it over coffee.
269
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:38,005
Well, I've had about six cups already,
270
00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:40,040
but if you want to grab another one..
271
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:43,843
You know, I don't really like coffee.
272
00:15:44,011 --> 00:15:46,446
Why don't we just go to my place?
273
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:54,821
Sure.
274
00:15:57,190 --> 00:16:00,427
Oh, Jeff. Oh, yeah.
275
00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:05,098
Yep.
276
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:08,035
Thanks.
277
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,506
Okay.
278
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:18,045
Do you want one?
No.
279
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:36,596
Lynn Brody.
280
00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:40,433
I thought you said your name was Ferguson.
281
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:41,734
It is Ferguson.
282
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,404
My fiancé's last name is Brody.
283
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:48,841
Fiancé?
Should I be worried?
284
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,077
No.
285
00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:51,944
No. He's in Dubai.
286
00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:54,681
He's gone three weeks out of the month on business.
287
00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:57,217
This is his apartment.
288
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:02,089
It's very neat.
Almost intimidating.
289
00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:05,692
That's Terry.
He's very particular.
290
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:08,195
I wasn't doing so well when I first met him.
291
00:17:08,295 --> 00:17:13,100
So if I can go for two years
without acting out, he'll marry me.
292
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,934
I don't have to work or anything.
293
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:17,837
I just have to go to meetings and try not to screw up.
294
00:17:18,105 --> 00:17:20,940
Is this a screw-up?
295
00:17:21,108 --> 00:17:24,911
Probably, but I think I can cover your tracks.
296
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,647
Oh, good.
297
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:30,150
Why are you marrying him?
298
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:33,653
I don't know.
299
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:37,157
He takes care of me.
Is that wrong?
300
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:39,992
No, not at all.
301
00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:43,330
I have a very similar relationship with my mommy.
302
00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:51,638
Since I already broke one rule,
303
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:54,807
do you mind if I break another?
304
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:58,645
Sex? More sex?
305
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,280
Are you ready for that?
306
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:04,251
I could use another hour.
307
00:18:04,351 --> 00:18:06,253
No. It's something else.
308
00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:08,355
Sure.
Okay.
309
00:18:10,257 --> 00:18:13,626
Okay, this is really weird.
It's not my passion or anything,
310
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:17,164
but it's just something that I
like to do, and Terry hates it.
311
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:21,668
Don't worry.
Okay.
312
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:22,969
Ready?
313
00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:25,572
Yep.
You sure?
314
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:28,475
Yes.
Okay.
315
00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:30,777
Here I come.
316
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:40,187
♪ Another night the stars are bright ♪
317
00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:42,589
♪ But I know things just aren't quite right ♪
318
00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:46,826
♪ I'm sad and blue
319
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:48,295
♪ Oh, please, Mr. Moon
320
00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:50,697
♪ Oh, won't you bring to me soon ♪
321
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:54,867
♪ A love that's oh, so true
322
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,670
♪ Got a whole lotta love in my heart ♪
323
00:18:57,770 --> 00:19:02,309
♪ But no one to give it to
324
00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:05,878
♪ Waiting for you
325
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:10,950
♪ Oh, Mr. Love Man, when you gonna come on through? ♪
326
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:13,553
♪ Waiting for you ♪
327
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:18,291
♪ Oh, Mr. Love Man, when you gonna come on through? ♪
328
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,228
Wow. Wow.
329
00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:23,029
That was amazing.
You liked it?
330
00:19:23,296 --> 00:19:25,232
Yeah.
331
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:27,934
I learned it in my song and dance class.
332
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:31,070
I don't know what to say.
That was amazing.
333
00:19:31,238 --> 00:19:33,306
Terry is the luckiest guy I've ever heard of.
334
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:35,242
Why wouldn't he like that?
335
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,510
And what the fuck is he doing in Dubai?
336
00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:41,248
It's not like you're a pole dancer or anything.
337
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:49,055
Jeff, there's something I-I should tell you.
338
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:50,723
Okay.
339
00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:55,127
But I don't want to.
340
00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:57,697
I just want you to know that I'm...
341
00:19:57,797 --> 00:20:00,267
bent, not broken.
342
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:03,336
Broken's cool, too.
343
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:09,642
I like you.
344
00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:11,711
You're funny.
345
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:13,746
You should be a comedian.
346
00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:15,348
Really? You think so?
Yeah. Yeah.
347
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:17,116
It's interesting that you say that
348
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,718
because I've been told by a certain authority figure
349
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:20,353
that I have a good stage presence.
350
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:21,921
Commanding, even.
351
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:24,757
My stepdad got me a spot on the Luggage Channel once.
352
00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:27,059
Did you see it?
353
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:28,395
No.
354
00:20:28,495 --> 00:20:32,732
Well, maybe they'll show a rerun someday.
355
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,667
I'm sure you were great.
356
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:37,804
I mean, I love your shares.
357
00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:40,239
They make me feel better about myself.
358
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:44,777
I should go.
I'm sorry.
359
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:47,714
Oh, Jeff, I didn't mean it like that.
360
00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:50,683
No! That was so insensitive. I didn't mean that.
361
00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:52,719
No, no, it's okay.
362
00:20:52,819 --> 00:20:58,425
I haven't been with a woman in a long time, and, uh,
363
00:20:58,525 --> 00:21:03,463
you're beautiful and intelligent and really amazing.
364
00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:08,000
And to be perfectly honest,
you're just too good for me.
365
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:11,371
I can see that.
You will, too, soon, so...
366
00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:15,442
I'm just gonna get my stuff and go.
367
00:21:15,542 --> 00:21:17,477
I'm pretty sure that you're
not gonna wanna see me again.
368
00:21:17,577 --> 00:21:19,746
That's fine.
369
00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:23,983
If you don't want me to go to
the Serene Horizon meeting, that's okay.
370
00:21:24,083 --> 00:21:27,387
'Cause there are plenty of meetings
for me to go to. Jeff...
371
00:21:27,487 --> 00:21:30,357
Don't worry.
Oh, my God.
372
00:21:31,824 --> 00:21:33,225
What?
373
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:35,094
W-What is..
Is that blood?
374
00:21:35,362 --> 00:21:37,964
Are you bleeding?
375
00:21:42,369 --> 00:21:43,836
Uh-oh.
376
00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:45,972
That's not...
377
00:21:47,073 --> 00:21:50,076
I-I have no idea what that is.
378
00:21:52,379 --> 00:21:54,414
Ohh...
379
00:22:01,588 --> 00:22:03,556
It could be yours.
380
00:22:10,497 --> 00:22:14,401
I'll leave my number in the kitchen.
381
00:22:19,606 --> 00:22:21,408
Damn it.
382
00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:30,149
I don't know what to say.
I.. I was so nervous.
383
00:22:30,417 --> 00:22:32,519
Drank a lot coffee.
384
00:22:32,619 --> 00:22:33,953
And she was on top.
385
00:22:36,856 --> 00:22:40,460
Yeah, I guess it's pretty funny
that I squirted in her bed.
386
00:22:42,495 --> 00:22:44,764
That is, until you realize this
was the first girl that I've kissed
387
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:47,434
in three years.
388
00:22:51,971 --> 00:22:56,443
When she said "bent not broken,"
389
00:22:56,476 --> 00:22:59,446
it felt so good to hear that.
390
00:23:01,514 --> 00:23:04,651
That was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.
391
00:23:07,654 --> 00:23:11,357
Well, I had to get that off my chest.
392
00:23:11,458 --> 00:23:13,092
Thanks for letting me share.
393
00:23:13,192 --> 00:23:15,528
Thanks, Jeff.
394
00:23:17,096 --> 00:23:21,067
(Foreign Language)
395
00:23:26,205 --> 00:23:27,974
Samy, what's going on?
396
00:23:28,074 --> 00:23:29,341
You're out!
397
00:23:29,476 --> 00:23:31,478
I told you no clap!
You continue to clap!
398
00:23:31,544 --> 00:23:34,547
What are you talking about?
You clap all night long!
399
00:23:34,647 --> 00:23:36,483
Hah hah hah hah hah!
400
00:23:36,583 --> 00:23:38,551
The neighbors complain.
I can't take it anymore!
401
00:23:38,651 --> 00:23:41,153
This is illegal.
You gotta give me an eviction notice.
402
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:43,790
I give you three!
Well, I haven't received one.
403
00:23:43,890 --> 00:23:46,859
Here. Look.
404
00:23:46,959 --> 00:23:49,095
What?
405
00:23:51,498 --> 00:23:53,600
Well, they were hidden in the menus.
406
00:23:53,700 --> 00:23:56,703
I don't care. You're out. Right now.
407
00:24:02,975 --> 00:24:05,111
Whoa.
408
00:24:05,211 --> 00:24:07,013
You did a nice job of organizing that.
409
00:24:07,113 --> 00:24:08,515
Huh?
410
00:24:08,581 --> 00:24:10,382
I said you did a nice job of organizing that.
411
00:24:10,517 --> 00:24:15,522
The way you separated the trash
bags and hung your bike helmet,
412
00:24:15,622 --> 00:24:17,089
it's impressive.
413
00:24:23,530 --> 00:24:26,298
Do I know you from the shelter on 151st?
414
00:24:26,566 --> 00:24:28,234
No.
415
00:24:28,334 --> 00:24:31,538
I'm sorry. I'm not homeless.
I'm just moving.
416
00:24:31,638 --> 00:24:34,974
Me, too, bub.
417
00:24:36,108 --> 00:24:37,577
Have a taste.
418
00:24:37,677 --> 00:24:38,911
Nah. I don't drink.
419
00:24:39,011 --> 00:24:40,580
That's cool.
420
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,082
Just moving. Good one.
421
00:24:48,621 --> 00:24:50,590
Hey, Lenny, I'm borrowing your soap.
422
00:24:50,690 --> 00:24:52,424
When you're done, rinse it off.
423
00:24:52,559 --> 00:24:55,562
I don't want any ball hairs on it!
424
00:25:00,232 --> 00:25:01,668
Hey!
425
00:25:01,768 --> 00:25:04,070
Hey.
Hey, hey!
426
00:25:04,170 --> 00:25:05,972
Thanks for letting me stay here.
427
00:25:06,072 --> 00:25:08,274
Sure. Come on in.
428
00:25:08,575 --> 00:25:10,142
All right.
429
00:25:10,242 --> 00:25:11,978
Whoa.
430
00:25:12,078 --> 00:25:13,212
I get the top bunk bed, right?
431
00:25:13,312 --> 00:25:14,747
Top bunk's yours.
432
00:25:16,048 --> 00:25:19,151
You know, I, uh...
433
00:25:19,251 --> 00:25:22,589
I never really kissed a girl until I was 25.
434
00:25:22,655 --> 00:25:24,591
Oh. Really?
435
00:25:24,691 --> 00:25:29,095
I mean, I had sex before that
with a girl in a massage parlor.
436
00:25:29,195 --> 00:25:32,464
But I'd never kissed a girl.
437
00:25:32,599 --> 00:25:34,634
It was kind of weird, you know.
438
00:25:34,734 --> 00:25:36,703
I used to think I was gay.
439
00:25:36,803 --> 00:25:39,939
Oh. There was a time when
everyone thought that I was gay.
440
00:25:40,039 --> 00:25:41,608
Really?
441
00:25:41,674 --> 00:25:44,611
Yeah. It was right around when my mommy married Mike.
442
00:25:44,677 --> 00:25:46,613
Mommy?
443
00:25:46,679 --> 00:25:49,048
He worked in the city, so we'd
stay in his apartment during the week,
444
00:25:49,148 --> 00:25:54,721
and then at his house on the weekends in Westchester.
445
00:25:54,821 --> 00:25:57,957
The change scared me.
446
00:25:58,057 --> 00:26:02,094
So Mike bought me a giant stuffed
puma to make me feel better.
447
00:26:05,765 --> 00:26:09,235
Oh, look.
He just loves that puma.
448
00:26:09,335 --> 00:26:11,971
Wow! He's so big...
449
00:26:12,071 --> 00:26:13,973
and lifelike.
450
00:26:16,208 --> 00:26:19,145
I-I named it after a girl I had a crush on.
451
00:26:19,245 --> 00:26:21,513
Her name was Scotty.
452
00:26:21,648 --> 00:26:25,251
Okay, Scotty, we're gonna play
a little game called "I win".
453
00:26:30,757 --> 00:26:32,358
Gotcha!
454
00:26:33,660 --> 00:26:38,064
Scotty, are you okay?
Scotty?
455
00:26:38,164 --> 00:26:39,231
I'm just kidding.
456
00:26:39,331 --> 00:26:41,668
I would never hurt you.
457
00:26:41,768 --> 00:26:43,069
Got you again!
458
00:26:46,105 --> 00:26:51,043
That puma was my best friend.
He was my only friend.
459
00:26:52,478 --> 00:26:54,781
So I guess my mommy thought I was a little weird
460
00:26:54,881 --> 00:26:58,484
that I was spending so much time with a puma.
461
00:26:58,685 --> 00:27:01,187
Jeff?
462
00:27:01,287 --> 00:27:02,755
Where are you, sweetie?
463
00:27:05,257 --> 00:27:07,393
Jeff?
464
00:27:10,697 --> 00:27:11,864
Jeff?
465
00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:17,303
Jeff, are you in there, sweetie?
466
00:27:34,721 --> 00:27:36,723
Scotty.
467
00:27:36,789 --> 00:27:40,192
There's nothing wrong with what
happened between you and Scotty.
468
00:27:40,292 --> 00:27:42,729
It's okay.
469
00:27:42,795 --> 00:27:45,732
It's okay to be gay.
470
00:27:45,798 --> 00:27:50,136
But, Mommy, I'm not gay.
Scotty's a girl.
471
00:27:50,236 --> 00:27:52,238
But Scotty's a boy's name.
472
00:27:52,338 --> 00:27:53,505
No.
473
00:27:53,740 --> 00:27:55,207
She's a girl.
474
00:27:55,307 --> 00:27:57,376
Okay, whatever you say, sweetie,
475
00:27:57,476 --> 00:28:03,750
but I think it's best if Scotty goes to puma heaven.
476
00:28:03,783 --> 00:28:07,153
Why, Mommy? I mean, Scotty's my only friend.
477
00:28:07,253 --> 00:28:08,620
Sweetie, if Scotty were your friend,
478
00:28:08,755 --> 00:28:10,589
you wouldn't stick your penis inside of him.
479
00:28:10,823 --> 00:28:13,225
Please! Mommy!
480
00:28:13,325 --> 00:28:15,361
It's not true!
Sweetie, I'm sorry.
481
00:28:15,461 --> 00:28:20,232
She's my friend!
She's a girl!
482
00:28:20,332 --> 00:28:21,868
Here, just give me the puma, sweetie.
483
00:28:21,968 --> 00:28:25,838
I wouldn't do that to her.
There you go.
484
00:28:25,938 --> 00:28:28,775
It's okay, sweetie.
Okay, Scotty, let's go.
485
00:28:28,841 --> 00:28:31,778
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. I'm sorry.
486
00:28:31,844 --> 00:28:33,780
It's okay.
I'm sorry, sweetie.
487
00:28:33,846 --> 00:28:38,785
The saddest thing is that now that my-my confidence
488
00:28:38,851 --> 00:28:41,788
is so severely crippled because
of my learning disabilities,
489
00:28:41,854 --> 00:28:46,092
and my balls are sagging so low
that I tuck them into my sock,
490
00:28:46,192 --> 00:28:48,127
I look back at the whole thing, I just wish to hell
491
00:28:48,227 --> 00:28:50,662
that I'd fucked the shit out of that puma, you know?
492
00:28:50,797 --> 00:28:52,799
Gay or straight.
I don't give a shit.
493
00:28:55,001 --> 00:28:56,702
You know what I mean?
494
00:28:56,803 --> 00:29:01,373
That's the fuckin' weirdest story I've ever heard.
495
00:29:01,473 --> 00:29:04,811
But it makes me feel better because
nothing like that ever happened to me.
496
00:29:04,911 --> 00:29:08,280
Yeah, well, I'm glad I could help.
497
00:29:08,380 --> 00:29:12,852
Is that like a furry tail I
see sticking out from the bed?
498
00:29:12,952 --> 00:29:14,386
You got a puma up there?
499
00:29:14,486 --> 00:29:15,387
Fuck you, man.
500
00:29:15,487 --> 00:29:17,656
You're funny, Jeff.
501
00:29:17,824 --> 00:29:20,927
You're funny.
502
00:29:21,027 --> 00:29:23,662
The walk of shame.
503
00:29:23,830 --> 00:29:26,165
Headed home from a meeting on a Friday night.
504
00:29:26,265 --> 00:29:28,667
College girls, bars,
505
00:29:28,835 --> 00:29:32,338
all the booze in the world and not a drop to drink.
506
00:29:32,438 --> 00:29:34,740
How's your coffee?
Good.
507
00:29:34,841 --> 00:29:40,112
I put some cinnamon in it to make it less bitter.
508
00:29:40,212 --> 00:29:41,881
Do you mix it in?
509
00:29:41,981 --> 00:29:43,850
No. It's just on top.
510
00:29:43,883 --> 00:29:46,685
I recently switched back from skim to whole.
511
00:29:46,853 --> 00:29:49,188
There's really no comparison between the two.
512
00:29:49,288 --> 00:29:50,689
What about the calories?
513
00:29:50,857 --> 00:29:54,360
Fuck those calories.
I use a lot of sugar anyway.
514
00:29:54,460 --> 00:29:56,929
You are a madman, Jeff.
515
00:29:57,029 --> 00:29:58,898
Yeah.
516
00:30:04,937 --> 00:30:06,705
Whoa. Lenny.
517
00:30:06,906 --> 00:30:08,374
You want to go in?
518
00:30:08,474 --> 00:30:10,242
It's a bar.
519
00:30:10,342 --> 00:30:12,311
It's a comedy club.
Open mic night.
520
00:30:12,411 --> 00:30:14,746
They serve drinks in there, Jeff.
Yeah, I know.
521
00:30:14,847 --> 00:30:18,250
I shouldn't go into a place where
they serve alcohol. You know what they say.
522
00:30:18,350 --> 00:30:21,220
If you're gonna hang out in a barbershop,
you're bound to get a haircut.
523
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:26,625
Besides I thought stand-up
comedy was like the new karaoke.
524
00:30:26,825 --> 00:30:27,994
You ever do karaoke?
525
00:30:28,094 --> 00:30:30,863
Yeah, all the time when I was fucked up.
526
00:30:30,963 --> 00:30:34,433
Oh, man. I can't do karaoke anymore.
527
00:30:34,533 --> 00:30:36,402
I hadn't even considered that.
528
00:30:36,502 --> 00:30:39,471
That's gonna be a tough one to give up.
That's gonna suck.
529
00:30:39,571 --> 00:30:43,809
I used to love to get hammered
and just sing my heart out.
530
00:30:43,910 --> 00:30:45,777
I'd even start bawling, man.
531
00:30:45,878 --> 00:30:48,114
It was fuckin' beautiful.
532
00:30:50,616 --> 00:30:52,952
How the hell am I supposed to break into comedy?
533
00:30:53,052 --> 00:30:55,321
I don't know.
Get a comedy how-to book.
534
00:30:55,421 --> 00:30:57,623
They gotta have 'em.
535
00:30:57,723 --> 00:31:02,528
Lenny, I'd don't know if I told
you this, but I have dyslexia, okay?
536
00:31:02,628 --> 00:31:04,931
I can barely read.
537
00:31:04,964 --> 00:31:07,299
Speaking of which, did you go
the library reading I told you about?
538
00:31:07,399 --> 00:31:09,001
Yeah, and guess who I saw there.
539
00:31:09,101 --> 00:31:10,369
Lynn?
540
00:31:10,469 --> 00:31:13,039
Suck, suck, suck, suck!
541
00:31:13,139 --> 00:31:16,976
Suck, suck, suck, suck!
Suck, suck, suck, suck!
542
00:31:19,946 --> 00:31:22,148
I got to get to another meeting.
543
00:31:25,184 --> 00:31:27,053
Don't drink!
544
00:31:30,589 --> 00:31:33,960
Lynn's comment about being a comedian really hit home.
545
00:31:34,026 --> 00:31:38,064
I've got good stage presence.
Some say commanding.
546
00:31:38,164 --> 00:31:40,967
And the next big question is...
547
00:31:41,033 --> 00:31:45,004
should I let this thing with Lynn go?
548
00:31:45,104 --> 00:31:46,973
I wish you guys would tell me.
549
00:31:47,039 --> 00:31:51,110
If I shit in your bed, would
you give me a second chance?
550
00:31:52,111 --> 00:31:53,079
Stick to pumas.
551
00:31:58,617 --> 00:32:00,719
Scotty was a girl puma.
552
00:32:00,987 --> 00:32:03,055
She was my friend.
553
00:32:04,690 --> 00:32:06,492
That's not funny.
554
00:32:06,592 --> 00:32:09,628
You sure you said you'd bring her to the 3:30 meeting?
555
00:32:09,728 --> 00:32:13,499
For the 50th time, yeah.
556
00:32:15,101 --> 00:32:17,103
You know, this sobriety thing is starting to work.
557
00:32:17,203 --> 00:32:19,005
I think I got a job.
558
00:32:19,071 --> 00:32:21,007
That's great.
That's really great.
559
00:32:21,073 --> 00:32:23,109
Listen, do you think I'll look smart
560
00:32:23,209 --> 00:32:24,443
if she sees me with this?
561
00:32:24,543 --> 00:32:25,511
Absolutely.
562
00:32:25,611 --> 00:32:27,046
One regular coffee.
563
00:32:27,146 --> 00:32:31,117
One super mocha choco-latte with extra whipped.
564
00:32:31,217 --> 00:32:32,618
That looks good.
565
00:32:32,718 --> 00:32:34,020
It's a little special treat I'm giving myself
566
00:32:34,086 --> 00:32:37,523
for cracking my first book in like ten years.
567
00:32:37,623 --> 00:32:40,626
Mm! Wow!
That's piping hot, too.
568
00:32:40,726 --> 00:32:42,228
You got it all over your face.
569
00:32:43,495 --> 00:32:44,663
Wow.
570
00:32:47,599 --> 00:32:48,834
Missed some.
571
00:32:49,068 --> 00:32:51,037
Thanks.
572
00:32:51,070 --> 00:32:53,039
Okay. I'm gonna strike a pose, okay?
573
00:32:53,105 --> 00:32:57,143
You just keep your eye out for her.
Just cough or something when you see her.
574
00:32:57,243 --> 00:32:59,045
All right.
575
00:33:14,060 --> 00:33:17,429
Ohh! Ohh!
576
00:33:17,529 --> 00:33:19,065
Ohhhh!
577
00:33:25,271 --> 00:33:27,073
Jeff!
A rag, please.
578
00:33:27,173 --> 00:33:29,875
What's going on?
Here.
579
00:33:30,142 --> 00:33:31,510
Jeff.
580
00:33:31,610 --> 00:33:32,678
Hi, Lenny.
581
00:33:32,778 --> 00:33:34,713
Oh, hi.
582
00:33:36,615 --> 00:33:39,985
Pour that in your lap.
Okay.
583
00:33:40,086 --> 00:33:43,755
Ah. That feels good.
Yeah, that feels good,
584
00:33:43,855 --> 00:33:47,159
You know, I tried calling you,
but your phone got shut off.
585
00:33:47,259 --> 00:33:49,495
Yeah. I tried to get in touch with you, too.
586
00:33:49,595 --> 00:33:51,097
If you need new sheets..
587
00:33:51,163 --> 00:33:53,699
It's all right.
588
00:33:53,799 --> 00:33:55,834
Put those teabags on the burn.
589
00:33:56,102 --> 00:33:57,569
Okay.
590
00:33:58,570 --> 00:34:00,172
Ooh.
591
00:34:00,272 --> 00:34:03,109
That feels good.
It's a good trick.
592
00:34:03,175 --> 00:34:04,710
How did you learn this stuff?
593
00:34:04,810 --> 00:34:06,845
Took a CPR and Home Remedy Class.
594
00:34:07,113 --> 00:34:08,847
You're gonna be fine.
595
00:34:09,115 --> 00:34:12,017
Ooh.
596
00:34:12,118 --> 00:34:14,953
The burn doesn't really look that bad at all.
597
00:34:15,121 --> 00:34:18,124
That's..
That's perfect.
598
00:34:18,190 --> 00:34:20,792
You want to get a cup of coffee?
599
00:34:20,892 --> 00:34:23,629
I don't really like coffee.
600
00:34:23,729 --> 00:34:27,133
I wish we could go back to my place,
but Terry's in town,
601
00:34:27,233 --> 00:34:29,201
He's leaving for Japan tomorrow, though.
602
00:34:29,301 --> 00:34:33,805
Why don't you meet me at the
One-Day-At-A-Time Dance on Thursday night?
603
00:34:33,905 --> 00:34:35,474
You know where it is, right?
604
00:34:35,574 --> 00:34:37,143
Yeah.
605
00:34:37,243 --> 00:34:38,677
All right.
606
00:34:38,777 --> 00:34:41,247
Keep those bags pressed gently for 20 more minutes.
607
00:34:41,347 --> 00:34:43,014
Okay.
608
00:34:43,149 --> 00:34:45,251
Good to see you.
Bye.
609
00:34:47,653 --> 00:34:49,721
Looks like I shit myself again.
610
00:34:51,690 --> 00:34:53,825
♪ I'd still be...
611
00:34:53,925 --> 00:34:57,629
If I had a bottle of Jack, I'd let it rip.
612
00:34:57,729 --> 00:34:59,998
Well, just get up there then.
613
00:35:00,166 --> 00:35:03,169
Yeah. Without being drunk.
Sure.
614
00:35:03,235 --> 00:35:06,004
Yeah. Just get up there and rip it.
615
00:35:06,172 --> 00:35:08,174
Rip it. Rip it.
Just like that?
616
00:35:08,240 --> 00:35:10,176
Go up and rip it.
617
00:35:10,276 --> 00:35:11,310
Yep.
618
00:35:15,181 --> 00:35:17,816
Oh, man, your girl's here.
619
00:35:17,916 --> 00:35:21,187
Shit. All right.
You know what?
620
00:35:21,253 --> 00:35:23,189
This one's for you.
I'm gonna rip it.
621
00:35:23,289 --> 00:35:25,191
Good luck. Here.
622
00:35:29,628 --> 00:35:32,298
Wow. You look beautiful.
623
00:35:38,770 --> 00:35:42,107
You want to dance or sing a song?
624
00:35:42,208 --> 00:35:44,976
I don't sing or dance in public.
625
00:35:45,211 --> 00:35:46,578
Right.
626
00:35:48,714 --> 00:35:52,751
♪ Just rock me, baby Rock me, baby, all night long ♪
627
00:35:52,851 --> 00:35:54,420
You want a cup of coffee?
628
00:35:58,224 --> 00:36:01,393
Why don't we just go back to my place?
629
00:36:09,235 --> 00:36:13,104
♪ I don't know where we come from ♪
630
00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:16,242
♪ Don't know where we're going to ♪
631
00:36:25,984 --> 00:36:30,722
Before I left, I told the
doorman that I called the plumber.
632
00:36:30,822 --> 00:36:32,057
Be the plumber.
633
00:36:32,324 --> 00:36:33,859
I will.
634
00:36:33,959 --> 00:36:36,161
♪ You can cut my hair
635
00:36:36,262 --> 00:36:38,264
♪ You can fill my cup
636
00:36:38,330 --> 00:36:39,865
Good evening, Miss Brody.
637
00:36:39,965 --> 00:36:40,932
Hi.
638
00:36:41,032 --> 00:36:42,868
♪ You can make it up
639
00:36:42,968 --> 00:36:48,474
♪ We're gonna make it after all ♪
640
00:36:50,376 --> 00:36:51,977
I'm the plumber.
641
00:36:52,077 --> 00:36:55,281
Swing this Travelmore bag over your shoulder
642
00:36:55,347 --> 00:36:56,748
and hit the town.
643
00:36:56,848 --> 00:36:58,950
Its contemporary no-hands design
644
00:36:59,050 --> 00:37:01,387
is perfect for quick trips or everyday use.
645
00:37:01,487 --> 00:37:03,289
That's not how you hold a bag.
646
00:37:03,389 --> 00:37:05,391
Lynn, you gotta look at this clown.
647
00:37:05,491 --> 00:37:09,395
He's got no stage presence whatsoever.
648
00:37:09,495 --> 00:37:10,962
I hope you like Eggs Benedict.
649
00:37:11,062 --> 00:37:13,732
I made the Hollandaise sauce from scratch.
650
00:37:13,832 --> 00:37:15,301
I don't know how good it is.
651
00:37:15,367 --> 00:37:17,769
I just learned how to make it in my cooking class.
652
00:37:17,869 --> 00:37:19,305
It looks great.
653
00:37:19,405 --> 00:37:21,407
I made the plate, too.
654
00:37:21,507 --> 00:37:23,742
How come you're so good at everything in your classes?
655
00:37:23,842 --> 00:37:24,976
I don't know.
656
00:37:25,076 --> 00:37:26,945
I always was good at stuff like that.
657
00:37:27,045 --> 00:37:31,216
You know, I used to be a consultant.
I have an MBA.
658
00:37:31,317 --> 00:37:33,319
Of course, I'm a CPA, as well.
659
00:37:33,385 --> 00:37:37,723
Jesus Christ, you're intimidating
the hell out of me right now.
660
00:37:37,823 --> 00:37:39,325
Why don't you work?
661
00:37:39,391 --> 00:37:41,327
I don't know.
Fear, I guess.
662
00:37:41,393 --> 00:37:43,729
I wasn't doing that well when I first got sober.
663
00:37:43,829 --> 00:37:47,833
I feel like I'm just keeping
it together right now, you know?
664
00:37:47,933 --> 00:37:51,870
Yeah, I hear you.
Holy shit!
665
00:37:52,904 --> 00:37:54,039
Whoa, man! Whoa!
666
00:37:55,507 --> 00:37:58,677
I'd sell my balls for a boat like this.
667
00:37:58,777 --> 00:37:59,845
Or any boat, for that matter.
668
00:37:59,945 --> 00:38:02,348
Well, you could probably sell your car
669
00:38:02,414 --> 00:38:04,450
and get a dinghy.
670
00:38:04,550 --> 00:38:06,352
That's a good point.
671
00:38:06,452 --> 00:38:09,020
Aside from the fact that my car's my mommy's,
672
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:12,458
buying a boat like this is only half the battle.
673
00:38:12,558 --> 00:38:13,959
They're complicated.
674
00:38:14,059 --> 00:38:15,461
I've already sunk one.
675
00:38:15,561 --> 00:38:18,730
Oh.
676
00:38:18,830 --> 00:38:22,934
I hate to state the obvious, Lynn, but
Terry's a hell of a lot older than you.
677
00:38:23,034 --> 00:38:25,371
I noticed denture cleaner in the bathroom.
678
00:38:25,471 --> 00:38:26,838
He's got a bridge.
679
00:38:26,938 --> 00:38:29,107
He's European.
680
00:38:29,207 --> 00:38:31,276
Do you find him attractive?
I used to.
681
00:38:31,377 --> 00:38:34,380
But it wasn't about his looks, you know?
682
00:38:34,446 --> 00:38:38,884
He makes me feel safe and taken
care of, which I like.
683
00:38:38,984 --> 00:38:42,454
Of course, he's a little bit
uptight, kind of controlling
684
00:38:42,554 --> 00:38:45,223
and a bit of a workaholic.
685
00:38:45,391 --> 00:38:49,160
You know, it's funny I always
pictured myself with someone more creative,
686
00:38:49,395 --> 00:38:50,762
like a writer.
687
00:38:50,862 --> 00:38:54,265
God, that'd be cool, right? A writer.
688
00:38:54,466 --> 00:38:56,468
I could be his muse.
689
00:38:57,903 --> 00:39:01,039
Well, maybe you could be my muse.
690
00:39:01,139 --> 00:39:02,841
Oh, who does this asshole think he is?
691
00:39:02,941 --> 00:39:05,444
John McEnroe?
692
00:39:06,912 --> 00:39:09,515
So, uh, you find writers attractive?
693
00:39:09,615 --> 00:39:11,550
Yeah.
694
00:39:16,087 --> 00:39:17,423
I'm pretty sick of this drive every day.
695
00:39:17,523 --> 00:39:20,258
Your first step is to get organized.
696
00:39:20,426 --> 00:39:22,461
Sloppy thinking leads to sloppy writing,
697
00:39:22,561 --> 00:39:26,164
so what you've got to do is you've
got to get your head in order.
698
00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:30,268
If you don't do something impressive,
699
00:39:30,436 --> 00:39:31,937
Lynn's going to dump your sorry ass.
700
00:39:32,037 --> 00:39:34,105
Keep your filthy tongue off of her.
701
00:39:34,205 --> 00:39:36,141
Face it. You're getting kind of old.
702
00:39:36,241 --> 00:39:38,444
You're not doing shit with your life.
703
00:39:38,544 --> 00:39:40,446
Even bums think you're homeless
704
00:39:40,512 --> 00:39:44,082
That guy was just making an observation.
705
00:39:44,182 --> 00:39:45,884
Forget about him.
706
00:39:45,984 --> 00:39:48,053
He wouldn't say it if there wasn't any truth to it.
707
00:39:48,153 --> 00:39:49,855
Look, that's pure speculation.
708
00:39:49,955 --> 00:39:52,958
Speculate on this: Comedy is karaoke.
709
00:39:53,058 --> 00:39:54,460
Then what about writing?
710
00:39:55,894 --> 00:39:57,463
Writing?
711
00:39:57,563 --> 00:39:58,997
You can barely read.
712
00:40:00,466 --> 00:40:02,968
What do you.. What do you suggest I do, huh?
713
00:40:03,068 --> 00:40:04,770
Get drunk and go gambling.
714
00:40:04,870 --> 00:40:06,104
How would I get the money?
715
00:40:09,207 --> 00:40:11,076
Get the ball!
Be a puma!
716
00:40:11,176 --> 00:40:13,078
What's wrong with you?
717
00:40:13,178 --> 00:40:17,449
Take it!
I don't wanna play anymore!
718
00:40:17,549 --> 00:40:18,917
Where's the ref!
719
00:40:19,017 --> 00:40:20,852
I'll take a hot dog.
720
00:40:20,952 --> 00:40:21,987
Hi, guys.
721
00:40:25,090 --> 00:40:27,425
Get the ball! Get the ball!
Get the ball!
722
00:40:27,526 --> 00:40:29,260
Yum! Hot dogs!
723
00:40:29,461 --> 00:40:30,596
I love hot dogs!
724
00:40:34,700 --> 00:40:37,035
Hey, asshole!
725
00:40:37,135 --> 00:40:39,170
What the fuck are you doing?
726
00:40:40,205 --> 00:40:42,073
So sorry, sorry, sir.
727
00:40:42,173 --> 00:40:43,475
I-It's my Tourette's.
728
00:40:43,575 --> 00:40:45,276
Get the fuck out of the way, man!
729
00:40:45,511 --> 00:40:46,478
Okay.
730
00:40:46,578 --> 00:40:47,679
Dick!
731
00:40:50,649 --> 00:40:54,653
Got another red!
It'll be a minute, buddy!
732
00:41:01,459 --> 00:41:03,529
Hi.
Don't worry about the doorman.
733
00:41:03,595 --> 00:41:06,598
I told him you stuffed your toilet.
734
00:41:06,698 --> 00:41:09,367
Lynn, I need your advice.
735
00:41:09,535 --> 00:41:12,003
I've been thinking about becoming a comedian or a writer.
736
00:41:12,103 --> 00:41:14,540
I don't know which, and since you're attracted to both,
737
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:17,275
I could really use your opinion,
738
00:41:17,543 --> 00:41:20,378
You want to be a writer now?
739
00:41:20,546 --> 00:41:23,014
Like I said, I'm somewhat on the fence.
740
00:41:23,114 --> 00:41:24,950
Well, have you ever written anything?
741
00:41:25,050 --> 00:41:26,552
See, that's the thing.
742
00:41:26,618 --> 00:41:28,987
I've been thinking about becoming a writer
743
00:41:29,087 --> 00:41:31,056
or trying to be a comedian.
744
00:41:31,156 --> 00:41:32,558
But I don't know.
I don't know.
745
00:41:32,591 --> 00:41:34,125
That's why I'm asking you
746
00:41:34,225 --> 00:41:35,594
because if you think that I could be a writer,
747
00:41:35,694 --> 00:41:37,596
then I would try to write something.
748
00:41:37,696 --> 00:41:40,566
If you think I could be a comedian,
then I would try comedy.
749
00:41:40,599 --> 00:41:42,568
Am I not making any sense here?
750
00:41:42,668 --> 00:41:44,435
Have you ever tried comedy?
751
00:41:44,570 --> 00:41:48,439
Please just choose one.
752
00:41:48,574 --> 00:41:50,576
If you don't think that I could do either thing,
753
00:41:50,642 --> 00:41:52,911
then I could just be a substitute teacher,
for the rest of my life,
754
00:41:53,011 --> 00:41:54,145
which I'm good at.
755
00:41:54,245 --> 00:41:56,147
Could you just please choose one?
756
00:41:56,247 --> 00:41:57,683
You're not getting the point.
757
00:41:57,783 --> 00:41:59,685
What point?
You haven't said anything.
758
00:41:59,785 --> 00:42:02,688
You could be Santa Claus.
759
00:42:09,695 --> 00:42:11,963
Did you just say I could be Santa?
760
00:42:12,063 --> 00:42:13,398
You want my advice?
761
00:42:13,632 --> 00:42:15,266
Yes, please.
762
00:42:15,366 --> 00:42:19,671
Why don't you write a joke?
763
00:42:22,140 --> 00:42:24,009
That's a good idea.
764
00:42:24,109 --> 00:42:26,678
Thank you.
765
00:42:26,778 --> 00:42:30,949
You know, I've been thinking
a lot about my current situation
766
00:42:31,049 --> 00:42:34,452
'cause to look at me, you wouldn't know it,
767
00:42:34,620 --> 00:42:37,022
but I was actually once well taken care of.
768
00:42:37,122 --> 00:42:40,225
My mommy and my stepfather would
takes us to fancy places
769
00:42:40,325 --> 00:42:42,527
like the Ritz, the Waldorf, Four Seasons.
770
00:42:42,628 --> 00:42:45,731
The kind of places where they have
little chocolate mints on the pillows.
771
00:42:45,831 --> 00:42:47,633
Bath salts. I used to eat those things all the time.
772
00:42:47,699 --> 00:42:49,300
It's probably why I'm here.
I don't know.
773
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:53,138
Nice, clean 3,000 thread-counted Egyptian cotton sheets.
774
00:42:53,238 --> 00:42:55,641
I used to order a cheese plate,
775
00:42:55,707 --> 00:42:58,143
massage and pay-per-view porno.
776
00:42:58,243 --> 00:42:59,645
All three at the same time.
777
00:42:59,711 --> 00:43:02,180
I used to call it the Shiatsu Gouda Love Fest.
778
00:43:04,249 --> 00:43:05,751
Nothing. I got nothing.
779
00:43:05,851 --> 00:43:07,653
When I was 12 years old, I used to play board games
780
00:43:07,719 --> 00:43:09,688
with my Ecuadorian nanny named Jade.
781
00:43:10,722 --> 00:43:13,224
Oh, man.
This is embarrassing
782
00:43:13,324 --> 00:43:16,361
She'd play a little game called
"Pocket Pool" in my ball sack.
783
00:43:16,461 --> 00:43:18,664
If she won, I'd give her a foot massage.
784
00:43:18,697 --> 00:43:20,666
She taught me how to drink.
She was 52.
785
00:43:20,766 --> 00:43:24,235
It was fun.
You know, we had good times.
786
00:43:25,837 --> 00:43:27,038
Wake up.
787
00:43:27,138 --> 00:43:28,674
Fuck!
788
00:43:28,707 --> 00:43:32,678
Now I live in a filthy room the size of a tiny closet
789
00:43:32,778 --> 00:43:34,145
with a huge man.
790
00:43:34,245 --> 00:43:36,181
Some people would call it a shit box.
791
00:43:36,281 --> 00:43:37,315
Mommy would call it an armoire.
792
00:43:37,415 --> 00:43:39,350
I don't know what that is.
793
00:43:39,450 --> 00:43:42,487
French? Spanish?
I know it's small.
794
00:43:42,688 --> 00:43:45,791
That's funny, right?
795
00:43:45,891 --> 00:43:47,592
And it's not even my apartment.
796
00:43:47,693 --> 00:43:49,227
It belongs to the guy I'm mentoring,
797
00:43:49,327 --> 00:43:52,163
the only person I'm supposed to be taking care of.
798
00:43:52,263 --> 00:43:53,799
But you know what?
799
00:43:53,899 --> 00:43:56,567
There's a lot of benefits to
living in a dump like I do.
800
00:43:56,702 --> 00:43:59,771
For example, can anyone here
claim to have tamed a rat?
801
00:44:05,711 --> 00:44:07,713
Hey, does anyone else want to share?
802
00:44:07,779 --> 00:44:12,117
Why? It's perfect!
803
00:44:12,217 --> 00:44:13,752
Oh, fuck.
804
00:44:13,852 --> 00:44:15,821
That's another one of Mike's buildings.
805
00:44:15,921 --> 00:44:18,423
We used to live there during the week.
806
00:44:18,523 --> 00:44:21,059
Yeah, I was the Prince of Park Avenue then.
807
00:44:21,159 --> 00:44:22,728
Wow.
808
00:44:22,794 --> 00:44:24,730
You want to go inside?
809
00:44:24,796 --> 00:44:27,298
Not allowed.
Had a problem with the tub.
810
00:44:27,398 --> 00:44:32,871
Okay. Why don't you show me
something that's special to you?
811
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:37,542
Want me to show you how to sneak into a gym?
812
00:44:37,776 --> 00:44:38,744
Yeah.
813
00:44:38,810 --> 00:44:41,212
All right.
You're awesome.
814
00:44:45,150 --> 00:44:46,084
Watch this.
815
00:44:46,184 --> 00:44:48,820
Hey, Jeff!
816
00:44:54,292 --> 00:44:55,861
♪ Hey, love
817
00:44:55,961 --> 00:45:00,331
♪ I'm ready to be heartbroken
818
00:45:00,431 --> 00:45:02,768
Come back here, dick!
819
00:45:13,979 --> 00:45:15,313
Whoa!
820
00:45:15,413 --> 00:45:17,248
Just kidding.
821
00:45:18,416 --> 00:45:20,385
I think I'm in love with you.
822
00:45:20,485 --> 00:45:22,788
Aww...
823
00:45:22,888 --> 00:45:26,624
Shoot. I just remembered.
I have to go home.
824
00:45:26,792 --> 00:45:28,626
Terry's corning into town tonight.
825
00:45:28,860 --> 00:45:31,629
I forgot.
826
00:45:31,797 --> 00:45:34,299
Oh, yeah.
Do you mind if I walk you?
827
00:45:34,399 --> 00:45:37,068
Yeah, okay.
828
00:45:37,168 --> 00:45:38,203
Great.
829
00:45:45,210 --> 00:45:47,612
So I'll see you tomorrow at Kick Starter meeting?
830
00:45:47,846 --> 00:45:50,181
Great.
831
00:45:50,281 --> 00:45:51,883
Bye.
Bye.
832
00:46:04,562 --> 00:46:05,831
Good afternoon.
833
00:46:05,864 --> 00:46:08,266
Terry!
Darling! Here I am.
834
00:46:08,366 --> 00:46:09,901
Home bearing gifts.
835
00:46:10,001 --> 00:46:12,170
Tunisia was not the same without you.
836
00:46:12,270 --> 00:46:14,305
Wow. I missed you so much.
837
00:46:14,405 --> 00:46:17,042
Guess who was on a camel.
838
00:46:22,047 --> 00:46:23,414
Jeff!
839
00:46:23,514 --> 00:46:25,416
Jeff.
840
00:46:25,516 --> 00:46:26,584
It's Brian.
841
00:46:26,852 --> 00:46:27,752
Oh, hey, Brian.
842
00:46:27,853 --> 00:46:30,856
Brian! Hey!
You.. Wha..
843
00:46:30,956 --> 00:46:33,358
We went to boarding school together, honey.
844
00:46:33,458 --> 00:46:38,396
This is Daphne, my wife, and that's my daughter Lily.
845
00:46:38,496 --> 00:46:40,731
How are you doing, man?
846
00:46:40,866 --> 00:46:42,167
Really good.
Great.
847
00:46:42,267 --> 00:46:45,370
Yeah, yeah. Hey, Brian, I hate to ask,
848
00:46:45,470 --> 00:46:47,605
but do got a buck or two I could borrow,
849
00:46:47,873 --> 00:46:49,440
or a swipe of a Metro Card.
850
00:46:49,540 --> 00:46:52,878
Anything works for me.
851
00:46:56,481 --> 00:46:59,584
Sure. Uh...
852
00:47:00,986 --> 00:47:03,889
Thanks.
853
00:47:03,922 --> 00:47:06,057
Good to see you.
Good to see you.
854
00:47:48,333 --> 00:47:49,935
What?
855
00:47:50,001 --> 00:47:51,002
Nothing.
856
00:47:54,973 --> 00:47:56,374
What?
857
00:48:00,946 --> 00:48:03,548
You don't think I was being honest.
858
00:48:07,485 --> 00:48:09,487
I wasn't even thinking about you.
859
00:48:09,587 --> 00:48:11,990
I was thinking about myself.
860
00:48:30,775 --> 00:48:34,612
When I first quit consulting, I met some older men,
861
00:48:34,712 --> 00:48:37,983
wealthy men who'd take me out on dates.
862
00:48:38,049 --> 00:48:42,387
They were just dates, you know,
dinners and things like that.
863
00:48:42,487 --> 00:48:47,858
But then after a while, they started offering me money.
864
00:48:47,993 --> 00:48:51,529
First, I said no, but then...
865
00:48:51,629 --> 00:48:53,531
I figured why not?
866
00:48:53,631 --> 00:48:56,534
I was drinking and doing a lot of coke.
867
00:48:56,634 --> 00:48:59,670
It just made sense and seemed like a waste if I didn't.
868
00:48:59,770 --> 00:49:02,407
It wasn't actually even all that bad.
869
00:49:02,507 --> 00:49:06,077
Sometimes it was... kind of nice.
870
00:49:09,447 --> 00:49:12,683
But then one night, I was really.. I was drunk.
871
00:49:12,783 --> 00:49:17,622
And I was pretty far uptown and...
872
00:49:17,722 --> 00:49:22,460
I didn't have any cab fare,
873
00:49:22,560 --> 00:49:28,133
so I saw this nice-looking college
kid and propositioned him.
874
00:49:28,233 --> 00:49:31,036
He took me back to his parents' apartment,
875
00:49:31,102 --> 00:49:36,441
and when we got there, he didn't want me to come inside.
876
00:49:36,541 --> 00:49:44,349
I still needed the cab fare,
so I got him off in the hallway.
877
00:49:44,449 --> 00:49:46,051
I blew him.
878
00:49:46,117 --> 00:49:49,154
And when it was over, he paid me and...
879
00:49:49,254 --> 00:49:56,061
I thought I'd just sit down and sober up a little bit.
880
00:49:56,161 --> 00:49:59,130
I passed out.
881
00:50:00,498 --> 00:50:05,903
When I woke up, I didn't know where I was.
882
00:50:06,003 --> 00:50:10,141
My pants were soaked, so I knew I wet myself.
883
00:50:13,111 --> 00:50:15,746
The hallway was completely empty,
884
00:50:15,846 --> 00:50:18,749
and I couldn't find my way out.
885
00:50:18,849 --> 00:50:21,952
I was lost and alone, and it was..
886
00:50:22,153 --> 00:50:27,158
Hey. Hey, it's okay.
887
00:50:27,258 --> 00:50:30,428
I get lost all the time.
888
00:50:30,528 --> 00:50:32,797
It's very scary.
889
00:50:35,300 --> 00:50:38,035
Jeff, I really like you.
890
00:50:40,805 --> 00:50:45,543
But I can't leave Terry.
891
00:50:45,643 --> 00:50:47,044
It's okay.
892
00:50:48,779 --> 00:50:52,550
I'm grateful that I've got
someone in my life right now.
893
00:50:52,650 --> 00:50:54,185
And unlike before,
894
00:50:54,285 --> 00:50:56,087
I think a lot of the reason why it works
895
00:50:56,187 --> 00:51:00,625
is because we're on equal terms,
896
00:51:00,725 --> 00:51:02,260
and he respects that,
897
00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:05,730
and I respect myself.
898
00:51:05,830 --> 00:51:08,566
It's all about honesty.
899
00:51:08,666 --> 00:51:10,935
Thanks for letting me share.
900
00:51:11,136 --> 00:51:13,204
Thanks, Lynn.
901
00:51:14,605 --> 00:51:16,974
Mommy, I want to ask you a favor.
902
00:51:17,208 --> 00:51:18,143
Mm-hmm.
903
00:51:18,243 --> 00:51:20,145
I'm considering a career change.
904
00:51:20,211 --> 00:51:22,247
Oh, you are?
Yeah.
905
00:51:22,347 --> 00:51:24,615
I was thinking about being a stand-up comic.
906
00:51:24,715 --> 00:51:26,551
There's also a chance for me to write, too.
907
00:51:26,651 --> 00:51:29,987
Jokes at first and then maybe more.
908
00:51:30,155 --> 00:51:31,722
That's terrific. You know, I've always told you,
909
00:51:31,822 --> 00:51:33,691
you have a wonderful stage presence.
910
00:51:33,791 --> 00:51:34,725
Commanding.
Really.
911
00:51:34,825 --> 00:51:36,161
Come on.
912
00:51:36,227 --> 00:51:38,729
But what made you want to change?
913
00:51:38,829 --> 00:51:42,700
I met a girl, and I want to
be able to take care of her.
914
00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:44,535
Thank God it's a girl.
915
00:51:44,635 --> 00:51:46,271
Jesus, Mommy!
916
00:51:46,371 --> 00:51:48,906
I told you Scotty was a female puma!
917
00:51:49,174 --> 00:51:51,008
Okay.
918
00:51:51,176 --> 00:51:55,680
You've only got a couple months
of teaching left before summer break.
919
00:51:55,780 --> 00:51:59,284
Why don't you just finish out
the year and see how you feel then?
920
00:51:59,384 --> 00:52:04,054
That.. That's sensible.
It is very sensible.
921
00:52:04,189 --> 00:52:06,591
I hate taking money from you and Mike,
922
00:52:06,691 --> 00:52:09,026
but, Mommy, there's something you've got to understand.
923
00:52:09,194 --> 00:52:11,061
I'm like an animal at the zoo.
924
00:52:11,196 --> 00:52:13,030
You just can't release me.
925
00:52:13,198 --> 00:52:16,201
You got to ease me back into the wild.
926
00:52:16,301 --> 00:52:18,903
Mike, darling.
I'll get my checkbook.
927
00:52:19,003 --> 00:52:22,773
Mike, I swear I'm on the verge
of paying you back for that yacht.
928
00:52:22,873 --> 00:52:24,275
This is just a loan.
929
00:52:24,375 --> 00:52:25,843
Plus I'm going to substitute teach tomorrow.
930
00:52:25,943 --> 00:52:26,977
Something I'm good at.
931
00:52:27,212 --> 00:52:29,614
Quiet!
932
00:52:43,394 --> 00:52:45,763
Yeah!
933
00:52:45,863 --> 00:52:47,632
All right!
934
00:52:49,334 --> 00:52:52,136
Mrs. Shelby, the chalk slipped right out of my hand.
935
00:52:52,237 --> 00:52:54,339
I understand.
It's completely natural.
936
00:52:54,439 --> 00:52:59,109
After all, gymnasts use chalk to
powder their hands because it's slippery.
937
00:52:59,244 --> 00:53:01,646
This chalk was.
Clearly.
938
00:53:01,746 --> 00:53:05,149
I don't know if you've been to a
classroom lately, but it's not easy.
939
00:53:05,250 --> 00:53:09,053
I teach mathematics to our mentally
challenged students once a week.
940
00:53:09,320 --> 00:53:11,256
Exactly.
941
00:53:11,322 --> 00:53:13,924
What do you mean, "exactly"?
942
00:53:14,024 --> 00:53:16,827
Well, Mrs. Shelby, wouldn't you say
943
00:53:16,927 --> 00:53:19,330
that the material you teach
your mentally challenged kids
944
00:53:19,430 --> 00:53:22,267
is far easier than what I have to teach mine?
945
00:53:22,333 --> 00:53:25,736
I assume you've mastered third grade mathematics.
946
00:53:25,836 --> 00:53:28,373
Right. Touché.
947
00:53:28,473 --> 00:53:31,141
You know, since you've been subbing with us,
948
00:53:31,276 --> 00:53:34,912
you've lost control of the classroom several times,
949
00:53:35,012 --> 00:53:39,884
often bribing the children with
both money and candy to maintain order.
950
00:53:39,984 --> 00:53:42,119
I never used money.
951
00:53:42,287 --> 00:53:44,822
A month ago you played Simon Says
for so long one student fainted.
952
00:53:44,922 --> 00:53:47,925
I didn't know he had asthma.
I mean, if he had one of those little inhaler things
953
00:53:48,025 --> 00:53:50,160
like strung around his neck..
954
00:53:50,295 --> 00:53:52,162
Screamed profanities at the students,
955
00:53:52,297 --> 00:53:55,199
telling one youngster to, quote,
956
00:53:55,300 --> 00:53:57,768
"Shut your fucking trap."
957
00:53:57,868 --> 00:53:59,304
You're right.
958
00:53:59,404 --> 00:54:01,439
That was wrong.
I shouldn't have done that.
959
00:54:03,073 --> 00:54:07,912
The larger issue is you lack presence.
960
00:54:08,012 --> 00:54:11,316
And the students?
961
00:54:11,416 --> 00:54:14,819
The students, they have no respect for you whatsoever.
962
00:54:14,919 --> 00:54:19,924
I recommend that you find a job
more suitable to your abilities.
963
00:54:20,024 --> 00:54:21,792
I got to find something I can do.
964
00:54:21,892 --> 00:54:23,928
You're funny.
965
00:54:24,028 --> 00:54:25,963
That does a lot of good.
966
00:54:26,063 --> 00:54:28,433
The homeless story, that did me a lot of good.
967
00:54:28,533 --> 00:54:31,068
Okay. What else?
968
00:54:31,336 --> 00:54:33,237
You're a great friend.
969
00:54:33,338 --> 00:54:35,340
I'm a funny, great friend.
970
00:54:35,373 --> 00:54:38,743
A fucking dog in a sweater can do that.
971
00:54:38,843 --> 00:54:40,411
What about fishing?
You love fishing.
972
00:54:40,511 --> 00:54:42,347
With my LDs, there's no possible way
973
00:54:42,447 --> 00:54:44,915
I could be the captain of a fishing boat.
974
00:54:45,015 --> 00:54:48,953
Jeff, work on somebody else's boat.
975
00:54:52,823 --> 00:54:54,825
Hi.
Hi.
976
00:54:54,925 --> 00:54:56,394
How you doing?
Good.
977
00:54:56,494 --> 00:54:58,929
Where are your arms?
Oh, just scratching my back.
978
00:54:59,029 --> 00:55:00,765
Really?
Got a rash.
979
00:55:00,865 --> 00:55:02,367
You're not hiding something?
No. What are you hiding?
980
00:55:02,467 --> 00:55:03,934
You look like you're sprouting something.
981
00:55:04,034 --> 00:55:05,903
Oh, really?
Like this?
982
00:55:06,003 --> 00:55:07,372
Flowers!
You like them?
983
00:55:07,438 --> 00:55:08,406
How about this?
984
00:55:08,506 --> 00:55:11,208
Jeff, what is this?
985
00:55:11,376 --> 00:55:12,810
It's no big deal.
No, it is..
986
00:55:12,910 --> 00:55:14,044
I know you can't.
987
00:55:14,144 --> 00:55:16,213
Oh, my..
I hope you like it.
988
00:55:16,381 --> 00:55:19,384
Oh, my God.
Jeff, it's so beautiful.
989
00:55:19,450 --> 00:55:20,818
Yeah?
Yes!
990
00:55:20,918 --> 00:55:22,820
It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
991
00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:25,890
It's so.. Jeff?
992
00:55:25,990 --> 00:55:27,425
What's going on?
993
00:55:27,525 --> 00:55:31,396
You're scaring me.
Oh, my God. Jeff!
994
00:55:31,496 --> 00:55:32,930
Jeff!
995
00:55:33,030 --> 00:55:34,499
Breathe, breathe.
996
00:55:35,866 --> 00:55:37,468
What's wrong? What?
997
00:55:37,568 --> 00:55:39,904
Get away! Your shoes!
What's wrong with them?
998
00:55:40,004 --> 00:55:42,407
Go over there! Please!
What do you mean? What's wrong with them?
999
00:55:42,507 --> 00:55:44,409
Take your shoes off.
Throw them over there.
1000
00:55:44,509 --> 00:55:47,912
Oh, my God. Okay.
I'm taking them off.
1001
00:55:49,113 --> 00:55:50,948
Threw 'em away.
1002
00:55:51,048 --> 00:55:53,851
Shh. Try to relax.
1003
00:55:53,951 --> 00:55:56,854
Ohh... Oh, God.
1004
00:55:56,954 --> 00:55:59,524
Just breathe.
1005
00:55:59,624 --> 00:56:02,927
God, Jeff. Shh...
1006
00:56:03,027 --> 00:56:04,228
Your shoes.
1007
00:56:04,462 --> 00:56:05,763
What happened?
1008
00:56:05,863 --> 00:56:07,732
Your shoes are New Balance.
1009
00:56:07,832 --> 00:56:09,434
So?
1010
00:56:11,469 --> 00:56:13,471
I just..
1011
00:56:13,571 --> 00:56:17,475
When I see the word "balance," I.. I get nauseous,
1012
00:56:17,575 --> 00:56:22,480
and I experience vertigo, and I just lose my balance.
1013
00:56:22,580 --> 00:56:25,883
It doesn't happen all the time.
It's only when I'm worked up.
1014
00:56:25,983 --> 00:56:27,452
Oh.
1015
00:56:29,019 --> 00:56:31,456
Oh, God.
Jeff...
1016
00:56:31,556 --> 00:56:35,560
the sneakers don't even say the word "balance" on them.
1017
00:56:35,660 --> 00:56:38,095
The "N" is enough.
1018
00:56:40,865 --> 00:56:43,834
I haven't had an episode like that in a long time.
1019
00:56:43,934 --> 00:56:45,803
I'm okay.
1020
00:56:45,903 --> 00:56:47,505
Thank you.
1021
00:56:47,605 --> 00:56:49,106
Just breathe.
1022
00:56:49,206 --> 00:56:52,577
Careful. Careful.
1023
00:56:53,944 --> 00:56:55,813
God.
1024
00:56:55,913 --> 00:56:58,048
You scared me.
1025
00:56:58,148 --> 00:57:03,954
I mean, Jeff, what happens if your
students wear New Balance sneakers?
1026
00:57:04,054 --> 00:57:06,491
I ask them to take them off.
1027
00:57:07,558 --> 00:57:10,027
That's so cute.
1028
00:57:10,127 --> 00:57:12,930
Actually, Lynn, about school...
1029
00:57:13,030 --> 00:57:16,200
I got fired.
1030
00:57:16,300 --> 00:57:21,105
Jeff, how can you afford that necklace?
1031
00:57:21,205 --> 00:57:23,508
See, that's the best thing.
1032
00:57:23,541 --> 00:57:26,110
Everything's affordable with
Zeffers' new financing plan.
1033
00:57:26,210 --> 00:57:30,380
Jeff, you still have to pay back the loan.
1034
00:57:30,515 --> 00:57:32,950
I hate to admit it, but I got you, Lynn.
1035
00:57:33,050 --> 00:57:36,821
I'm going to be a commercial fisherman, an old seadog.
1036
00:57:36,921 --> 00:57:40,157
I figured that if this is a steady thing for me,
1037
00:57:40,257 --> 00:57:44,562
maybe you wouldn't have to get married to Terry.
1038
00:57:44,662 --> 00:57:48,999
I know this sounds crazy, but I love you.
1039
00:57:49,099 --> 00:57:51,135
I want to take care of you.
1040
00:57:53,738 --> 00:57:55,540
I love you, too, Jeff.
1041
00:57:55,606 --> 00:57:58,543
You're the best girlfriend I've ever had.
1042
00:57:58,643 --> 00:58:01,378
The only one, frankly, but the best.
1043
00:58:01,546 --> 00:58:06,083
You know what?
I don't think I've ever had a real boyfriend either.
1044
00:58:06,183 --> 00:58:07,885
Just sugar daddies and pimps?
1045
00:58:10,054 --> 00:58:11,556
Yeah.
1046
00:58:14,725 --> 00:58:18,563
And she says no because of the mast-head.
1047
00:58:18,629 --> 00:58:19,664
Hmm.
1048
00:58:20,998 --> 00:58:24,234
Hey, Cappy. I'm Jeff.
Sorry I'm late.
1049
00:58:24,334 --> 00:58:25,570
Ease her out there, Junior.
1050
00:58:25,670 --> 00:58:26,671
You got it, Cap.
1051
00:58:26,771 --> 00:58:28,573
Where's your gear?
Gear?
1052
00:58:28,639 --> 00:58:31,008
You don't think this sweater's gonna be warm enough?
1053
00:58:31,108 --> 00:58:33,077
Yeah, it'll be warm enough for today,
1054
00:58:33,177 --> 00:58:37,582
but the weather might get dirty
over the next four to six weeks.
1055
00:58:37,615 --> 00:58:42,486
And even though I made a little
mistake by boarding a month-long cruise,
1056
00:58:42,587 --> 00:58:45,990
being aboard a boat without having
the responsibility of captaining it
1057
00:58:46,090 --> 00:58:50,427
was gonna be like playing the lotto
without having to buy the tickets.
1058
00:58:50,595 --> 00:58:52,296
It was going to be heaven.
1059
00:58:52,396 --> 00:58:55,966
And while we steamed into it,
all I thought about was Lynn
1060
00:58:56,066 --> 00:58:59,003
lying in bed, watching reruns of the Luggage Channel.
1061
00:58:59,103 --> 00:59:02,940
With this peerless Cincinnati Sateen rolling bag,
1062
00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:06,677
you'll be the toast of high tea in London.
1063
00:59:13,818 --> 00:59:17,521
And thanks to this patented tri-fold center strap,
1064
00:59:17,622 --> 00:59:19,624
when you land in Dubai,
1065
00:59:19,657 --> 00:59:21,626
say bye-bye to creases in your clothing.
1066
00:59:21,726 --> 00:59:26,330
And now for my favorite feature, the snap pocket.
1067
00:59:29,667 --> 00:59:35,139
Junior, get fuckin' Santa's
helper to lift the fuckin' nets out!
1068
00:59:35,239 --> 00:59:37,708
Dipshit, give me a fuckin' hand!
1069
00:59:37,808 --> 00:59:40,978
All right.
Hold onto that.
1070
00:59:41,078 --> 00:59:42,279
Tight!
1071
00:59:46,183 --> 00:59:49,954
Right, when I say when, pull.
1072
00:59:50,054 --> 00:59:51,288
What?
1073
00:59:51,388 --> 00:59:54,258
When I.. When I say when, pull.
1074
00:59:54,358 --> 00:59:56,326
I already am pulling on it.
1075
00:59:56,426 --> 00:59:58,696
Just.. You know what?
Don't pull.
1076
00:59:58,796 --> 01:00:00,497
I don't need your help.
Go. Go.
1077
01:00:00,665 --> 01:00:01,999
You need a spotter or something?
1078
01:00:02,099 --> 01:00:04,534
No, I don't need a spotter.
Fuck, man.
1079
01:00:04,635 --> 01:00:06,737
Get the fuck out of here.
A spotter!
1080
01:00:10,274 --> 01:00:12,142
Morning, Cappy.
1081
01:00:14,111 --> 01:00:15,646
Man the wheel.
1082
01:00:15,746 --> 01:00:17,347
I don't think that's a good idea.
1083
01:00:17,447 --> 01:00:18,749
I've sunk one of these before.
1084
01:00:18,849 --> 01:00:20,250
You've what?
I sunk one.
1085
01:00:20,350 --> 01:00:21,285
Just go.
1086
01:00:21,385 --> 01:00:22,720
Go, go. Get Junior.
1087
01:00:22,820 --> 01:00:24,822
Tell him I need a man up here.
1088
01:00:28,392 --> 01:00:30,795
These nets look different.
1089
01:00:30,895 --> 01:00:34,164
Yeah. It's 'cause we're going for weak fish.
1090
01:00:34,264 --> 01:00:35,565
Weak fish?
1091
01:00:35,666 --> 01:00:38,168
The small white ones.
Use them as bait.
1092
01:00:38,268 --> 01:00:39,737
Nothing, right?
1093
01:00:39,837 --> 01:00:42,072
You're such a fuckin' idiot.
1094
01:00:42,172 --> 01:00:43,240
Get a wrench and help me out.
1095
01:00:43,340 --> 01:00:45,342
Okay.
1096
01:00:45,442 --> 01:00:47,111
Come on, princess, bring it up.
1097
01:00:47,211 --> 01:00:51,716
Come on, give it some gas!
Get the whip line.
1098
01:00:51,816 --> 01:00:54,618
You see, when you're netting
for a particular kind of fish
1099
01:00:54,719 --> 01:00:57,354
and one that may not already be
in danger of being wiped out,
1100
01:00:57,454 --> 01:00:59,356
you inevitably scoop up those that are.
1101
01:00:59,456 --> 01:01:01,125
It's called a by catch.
1102
01:01:01,225 --> 01:01:02,192
It's coming.
1103
01:01:04,962 --> 01:01:07,832
I spent my whole life trying to catch fish like this.
1104
01:01:07,932 --> 01:01:11,301
We're talking about Spanish mackerel, porgies, tuna,
1105
01:01:11,401 --> 01:01:15,139
and the most amazing and beautiful sport fish of all..
1106
01:01:15,239 --> 01:01:17,374
the striped bass.
1107
01:01:17,474 --> 01:01:19,576
We struck gold.
1108
01:01:19,744 --> 01:01:22,446
It was the kind of gold you had to throw back.
1109
01:01:27,818 --> 01:01:30,320
What the hell are you doing?
What the fuck, man!
1110
01:01:30,420 --> 01:01:32,122
I'm throwing them back, Cappy. They're beautiful.
1111
01:01:32,222 --> 01:01:33,323
And they're dying.
1112
01:01:33,423 --> 01:01:34,759
What the fuck!
1113
01:01:34,792 --> 01:01:36,426
Listen, Cappy, I may not know much,
1114
01:01:36,526 --> 01:01:38,595
but I know it's illegal to
net for these kind of fish.
1115
01:01:38,763 --> 01:01:40,765
We'll throw them back later.
1116
01:01:40,831 --> 01:01:42,599
But, Cappy, you'll be throwing them back dead.
1117
01:01:42,767 --> 01:01:44,601
I said we'll throw them back later!
1118
01:01:44,769 --> 01:01:48,172
Now, every fuckin fish that swims by here right now,
1119
01:01:48,272 --> 01:01:51,308
that's 3.25 to the pound that I'm losing!
1120
01:01:51,408 --> 01:01:53,844
Now, I'm going to give you to the count of three
1121
01:01:53,944 --> 01:01:58,783
to get the goddamn nets back out!
1122
01:01:58,883 --> 01:02:00,384
One, two...
1123
01:02:00,484 --> 01:02:03,253
Okay, okay.
1124
01:02:05,856 --> 01:02:10,227
Now, I am no great environmentalist, okay?
1125
01:02:10,327 --> 01:02:11,862
Hell, I don't even recycle.
1126
01:02:11,962 --> 01:02:16,033
But what Al was proposing was
murdering all these fish.
1127
01:02:22,807 --> 01:02:24,341
No! No! No! No!
1128
01:02:24,441 --> 01:02:26,710
I'm not going to let you bastards get away with this.
1129
01:02:26,811 --> 01:02:28,378
You're going to have to kill me
1130
01:02:28,478 --> 01:02:30,915
before I let these fish suffocate on deck.
1131
01:02:31,015 --> 01:02:32,817
It's either me or the fish, gentlemen.
1132
01:02:32,917 --> 01:02:38,823
But I swear, I will gut you
before you get me overboard.
1133
01:02:38,889 --> 01:02:42,827
All I'm asking is you let me throw these fish back
1134
01:02:42,893 --> 01:02:44,829
before you throw your stinking nets out there.
1135
01:02:44,895 --> 01:02:47,364
It'll only take a minute.
How's it going to go down?
1136
01:02:47,464 --> 01:02:50,234
This is mutiny, faggy.
1137
01:02:50,334 --> 01:02:51,869
You lose your quarter share.
1138
01:02:51,969 --> 01:02:53,237
So be it.
1139
01:02:53,337 --> 01:02:56,907
Junior, get back on the crane.
1140
01:03:04,314 --> 01:03:06,050
Go ahead.
1141
01:03:07,417 --> 01:03:09,653
You're in such a world of shit.
1142
01:03:09,887 --> 01:03:11,321
It's my world.
1143
01:03:11,421 --> 01:03:13,858
Tell me when you find Nemo.
1144
01:03:13,924 --> 01:03:16,961
What I didn't figure into my mutiny was...
1145
01:03:17,061 --> 01:03:18,963
now I was going to be at sea for three weeks
1146
01:03:19,063 --> 01:03:21,765
with people who wanted to kill me.
1147
01:03:21,866 --> 01:03:24,468
People die at sea all the time.
1148
01:03:24,568 --> 01:03:27,271
It didn't matter.
Neither the threat of death
1149
01:03:27,371 --> 01:03:29,173
or the loss of money mattered at all to me
1150
01:03:29,273 --> 01:03:30,908
because I knew that as soon as I got home,
1151
01:03:31,008 --> 01:03:33,577
I would have Lynn there waiting for me.
1152
01:03:45,389 --> 01:03:48,258
It says there's a tropical storm off the coast.
1153
01:03:48,358 --> 01:03:50,494
Yeah, I read that, too.
1154
01:03:50,594 --> 01:03:52,963
It's supposed to be 40-knot winds.
1155
01:03:53,063 --> 01:03:55,900
Do you think it'd be safe to be on a boat?
1156
01:03:55,966 --> 01:03:59,103
I sure as hell wouldn't want to be on one.
1157
01:04:07,411 --> 01:04:09,613
You expecting someone?
1158
01:04:23,593 --> 01:04:25,662
Yes?
Are you Lynn Ferguson?
1159
01:04:25,930 --> 01:04:26,964
I am.
1160
01:04:27,064 --> 01:04:29,566
Hi, Miss Ferguson.
Sorry to bother you.
1161
01:04:29,666 --> 01:04:30,968
We have a judgment against Jeff Nichols,
1162
01:04:31,068 --> 01:04:33,971
and he listed this as his primary address.
1163
01:04:34,071 --> 01:04:38,943
Me and my friend Peanut are here
to repossess that diamond necklace.
1164
01:04:42,646 --> 01:04:45,349
Uh, I'll go grab the box.
1165
01:04:54,691 --> 01:04:56,626
May I ask you what is this about?
1166
01:04:56,726 --> 01:04:59,296
Well, grandpa, looks like some loverboy
1167
01:04:59,396 --> 01:05:02,499
bought your daughter a necklace he couldn't afford.
1168
01:05:07,171 --> 01:05:08,672
Thank you.
1169
01:05:19,984 --> 01:05:23,053
I-- I can't wait to see her.
1170
01:05:23,153 --> 01:05:27,124
In fact, does anyone know
where there's a good florist?
1171
01:05:27,224 --> 01:05:28,658
Whoa.
1172
01:05:28,758 --> 01:05:30,627
Thanks for letting me share.
1173
01:05:30,727 --> 01:05:32,429
Thanks, Jeff.
1174
01:05:47,544 --> 01:05:50,014
Lynn!
1175
01:05:54,018 --> 01:05:55,585
Wait. Wait, wait!
1176
01:05:55,685 --> 01:05:58,122
Wait! Why are you running?
1177
01:06:00,624 --> 01:06:02,026
Lynn!
1178
01:06:04,094 --> 01:06:06,363
Wait.
1179
01:06:06,463 --> 01:06:08,498
Wait.
1180
01:06:08,598 --> 01:06:10,767
Give me a moment.
1181
01:06:11,035 --> 01:06:12,602
I just got back.
1182
01:06:12,702 --> 01:06:16,506
I went to a quick meeting,
but then I came straight here.
1183
01:06:16,606 --> 01:06:20,044
They didn't have a phone on the boat.
1184
01:06:21,045 --> 01:06:24,248
I've missed you so much.
1185
01:06:27,084 --> 01:06:29,219
Why aren't you wearing your necklace?
1186
01:06:32,489 --> 01:06:34,358
It's over, Jeff.
1187
01:06:34,458 --> 01:06:35,492
Over!
1188
01:06:35,592 --> 01:06:37,527
Wait.
1189
01:06:37,627 --> 01:06:42,199
Do you mean it's over between
you and Terry or you and me?
1190
01:06:53,277 --> 01:06:56,980
You can't go.
I've got my six-month anniversary coming up.
1191
01:06:57,081 --> 01:07:00,184
Yeah. Well, I got my 10-year anniversary coming up.
1192
01:07:00,284 --> 01:07:03,187
What have I done with my time? Nothing.
1193
01:07:03,287 --> 01:07:05,455
I need help, Lenny.
1194
01:07:05,555 --> 01:07:08,558
I just lost the love of my life due to poor accounting,
1195
01:07:08,658 --> 01:07:09,593
I'm here. I'll help you.
1196
01:07:09,693 --> 01:07:10,727
I got a new tactic.
1197
01:07:10,827 --> 01:07:12,529
It's called surrender.
1198
01:07:12,629 --> 01:07:16,200
See, me and details, we went
to battle three decades ago,
1199
01:07:16,300 --> 01:07:20,104
and I can honestly say that
that war is over, and I've lost.
1200
01:07:20,170 --> 01:07:22,606
So you're just going to be a bum?
1201
01:07:22,706 --> 01:07:26,110
I'm retiring. Mike's brother has
got a garage apartment in Quogue
1202
01:07:26,176 --> 01:07:27,511
he's going to rent me real cheap.
1203
01:07:27,611 --> 01:07:30,147
I got all I need right here.
1204
01:07:30,247 --> 01:07:32,949
Okay, retire, but promise me one thing.
1205
01:07:33,117 --> 01:07:34,484
You'll keep going to meetings
1206
01:07:34,584 --> 01:07:36,820
'cause those people need you as much as you need them.
1207
01:07:36,920 --> 01:07:39,756
Lenny, how can I expect other
people to be interested in my problems
1208
01:07:39,856 --> 01:07:41,691
when they don't even impress me?
1209
01:07:41,791 --> 01:07:44,994
I have learning disabilities,
and I drank a lot when I was a kid.
1210
01:07:45,129 --> 01:07:46,796
It's like having gingivitis, you know?
1211
01:07:46,896 --> 01:07:48,498
Buy a toothbrush, get on with it.
1212
01:07:48,598 --> 01:07:51,135
I cannot believe I'm hearing you say this.
1213
01:07:52,202 --> 01:07:54,804
I'm sorry to disappoint you, Lenny.
1214
01:07:54,904 --> 01:07:57,174
It was good knowing you, man.
Don't drink.
1215
01:08:11,688 --> 01:08:12,989
Hey, Jeff!
1216
01:08:13,190 --> 01:08:14,824
Hey, Uncle Popcorn.
1217
01:08:14,924 --> 01:08:16,726
How you doing?
I'm good.
1218
01:08:16,826 --> 01:08:18,528
Don't call me Uncle Popcorn, okay?
1219
01:08:18,628 --> 01:08:19,796
Yeah, sure.
1220
01:08:19,896 --> 01:08:21,798
Give me that.
Okay. All right.
1221
01:08:21,898 --> 01:08:24,734
Hey, all this is yours, man,
any time you want to use it.
1222
01:08:24,834 --> 01:08:25,902
You know how to use this thing here?
1223
01:08:26,170 --> 01:08:27,036
Not really.
1224
01:08:27,171 --> 01:08:29,173
Let me show you.
It's easy.
1225
01:08:29,239 --> 01:08:32,476
Step up, step up, and ho!
1226
01:08:32,576 --> 01:08:33,543
Wow!
Ho!
1227
01:08:33,643 --> 01:08:35,679
All right!
1228
01:08:35,779 --> 01:08:39,283
Okay? Give it a try.
Come on.
1229
01:08:41,351 --> 01:08:43,820
That's it.
1230
01:08:43,920 --> 01:08:45,189
Ah, it's all right.
It's all right.
1231
01:08:45,255 --> 01:08:48,225
No, no, that ain't the way.
Okay.
1232
01:08:48,325 --> 01:08:51,027
All right, let's go.
Sorry.
1233
01:08:51,195 --> 01:08:53,530
Don't use that until I show you how.
1234
01:08:53,630 --> 01:08:55,965
And my barbeque here?
You don't fuckin' touch that.
1235
01:08:56,200 --> 01:08:57,301
Absolutely not.
1236
01:08:57,401 --> 01:08:59,603
I got you fixed up in the back there
1237
01:08:59,703 --> 01:09:01,070
above the garage.
1238
01:09:01,205 --> 01:09:02,739
Without going to meetings
1239
01:09:02,839 --> 01:09:05,242
and without the responsibility of being a mentor,
1240
01:09:05,342 --> 01:09:09,213
I figured retirement would be easy, but it wasn't.
1241
01:09:09,246 --> 01:09:13,217
Because I couldn't stop thinking
about what happened on the boat.
1242
01:09:13,283 --> 01:09:14,751
I didn't know why it was upsetting me so much
1243
01:09:14,851 --> 01:09:17,887
until I figured out that the fish chose me.
1244
01:09:17,987 --> 01:09:23,092
Like Lynn, they were in trouble because they chose me.
1245
01:09:23,227 --> 01:09:24,694
I wanted to save them,
1246
01:09:24,794 --> 01:09:26,996
and the only way I could was to write.
1247
01:09:27,231 --> 01:09:29,333
So despite my LDs,
1248
01:09:29,433 --> 01:09:33,603
I started working on a letter
to a national fishing magazine.
1249
01:09:39,643 --> 01:09:42,746
Dear Hooked on Fishing,
1250
01:09:42,846 --> 01:09:46,716
this really bad thing happened.
1251
01:09:55,659 --> 01:10:04,268
...which was breehly bad.
That's right.
1252
01:10:07,203 --> 01:10:08,872
Hey, Uncle Popcorn, come in.
1253
01:10:08,972 --> 01:10:11,708
Jeff, we got to talk.
1254
01:10:11,808 --> 01:10:15,612
Great, cause I been dying to talk to somebody.
1255
01:10:15,712 --> 01:10:18,248
This letter is a lot more difficult
than I thought it was going to be.
1256
01:10:18,348 --> 01:10:20,384
Plus it was really cold in here last night.
1257
01:10:20,484 --> 01:10:22,886
But that's okay because the heat
throws off my equilibrium,
1258
01:10:22,986 --> 01:10:25,789
and it kind of makes me twitchy, so...
I can fight through it.
1259
01:10:25,889 --> 01:10:32,128
Do you have a dictionary, or do you
think you could proofread this for me?
1260
01:10:32,228 --> 01:10:34,864
What do you think, Uncle Popcorn?
1261
01:10:34,964 --> 01:10:37,267
First of all, I asked you to
stop calling me Uncle Popcorn.
1262
01:10:37,367 --> 01:10:39,235
It's a name the little kids call me,
1263
01:10:39,336 --> 01:10:41,938
and they usually stop doing
it when they're six or seven.
1264
01:10:42,038 --> 01:10:43,673
What do I call you then?
Uncle Bert?
1265
01:10:43,773 --> 01:10:46,175
How about Bert?
I'm not your uncle.
1266
01:10:46,376 --> 01:10:47,777
Well, you're Mike's brother.
1267
01:10:47,877 --> 01:10:49,346
He's your stepfather.
1268
01:10:49,446 --> 01:10:50,714
He's like a father.
1269
01:10:50,814 --> 01:10:54,284
Hell, Jeff, you're a grown man
1270
01:10:54,384 --> 01:10:56,786
Grown men do not call each other "uncle."
1271
01:10:56,886 --> 01:10:58,422
Okay.
1272
01:10:58,522 --> 01:11:01,391
And another thing grown men do is pay rent.
1273
01:11:01,491 --> 01:11:03,192
You're already three weeks late.
1274
01:11:03,393 --> 01:11:05,862
I'm sorry. It's coming.
1275
01:11:05,962 --> 01:11:08,332
When? Soon. I've got checks in the mail.
1276
01:11:08,432 --> 01:11:10,967
There literally are checks sitting in the mailbox.
1277
01:11:11,067 --> 01:11:13,437
Jeff, I checked your mailbox.
There's nothing in there.
1278
01:11:13,537 --> 01:11:15,439
Not that one.
1279
01:11:15,539 --> 01:11:18,342
It's a mailing address from this
old apartment that I used to live in,
1280
01:11:18,375 --> 01:11:19,976
and it was like three years ago.
1281
01:11:20,076 --> 01:11:21,345
My friend moved in,
1282
01:11:21,411 --> 01:11:23,713
and then he left and this new guy came in.
1283
01:11:23,813 --> 01:11:25,515
I haven't been there for like nine months.
1284
01:11:25,615 --> 01:11:27,016
This guy's got a bad vibe.
1285
01:11:27,116 --> 01:11:28,452
I just don't want to deal with him right now.
1286
01:11:28,552 --> 01:11:30,754
Why don't you just put in a change of address?
1287
01:11:30,854 --> 01:11:35,024
What? I'm supposed to notify everybody
that sends me mail where I moving to?
1288
01:11:35,124 --> 01:11:39,463
Yeah. It's what normal people do.
1289
01:11:39,563 --> 01:11:41,931
You just fill out a little form at the post office.
1290
01:11:42,031 --> 01:11:45,435
Okay, listen, if it's important to you,
1291
01:11:45,535 --> 01:11:47,937
I can go see my mommy in Westchester
1292
01:11:48,037 --> 01:11:50,940
and borrow some money from her.
1293
01:11:51,040 --> 01:11:54,411
Jeff, that... that...
1294
01:11:54,511 --> 01:11:57,814
see, that's what this is all about.
1295
01:11:57,914 --> 01:11:59,816
That's the thing here.
1296
01:11:59,916 --> 01:12:04,220
You know, for years, Mike has been
telling me about how great you are,
1297
01:12:04,388 --> 01:12:07,424
how nice you are, how caring.
1298
01:12:07,524 --> 01:12:11,495
Then he tells me about all your fuck-ups.
1299
01:12:11,595 --> 01:12:14,230
And I know that every time you sink a boat
1300
01:12:14,398 --> 01:12:17,233
or lose a job or have to pay rent,
1301
01:12:17,401 --> 01:12:20,404
you go crying to your mommy.
1302
01:12:20,470 --> 01:12:23,039
And her and Mike have to bail you out.
1303
01:12:23,139 --> 01:12:25,008
Well, they just catch me when I slip up.
1304
01:12:25,108 --> 01:12:27,310
No. They coddle you
1305
01:12:27,411 --> 01:12:31,748
and prevent you from taking any
sort of responsibility, like a child.
1306
01:12:31,848 --> 01:12:33,249
Hell, not even.
1307
01:12:33,417 --> 01:12:35,284
I've got an 11-year-old grandson
1308
01:12:35,419 --> 01:12:37,487
who's had a paper route for two years.
1309
01:12:37,587 --> 01:12:40,624
Have you ever held a job that long?
1310
01:12:43,026 --> 01:12:44,293
No. I have..
1311
01:12:44,428 --> 01:12:47,464
I have learning disabilities, too.
1312
01:12:47,564 --> 01:12:52,001
Hmm. When I was your age,
you know what we called that?
1313
01:12:52,101 --> 01:12:53,470
Retardation.
1314
01:12:53,570 --> 01:12:57,273
Hell, even those people got jobs
1315
01:12:57,441 --> 01:13:01,310
assembling cardboard boxes or cleaning toilets,
1316
01:13:01,445 --> 01:13:04,548
unlike the modern day version that waddle around,
1317
01:13:04,648 --> 01:13:08,518
moaning about how difficult everything is.
1318
01:13:08,618 --> 01:13:12,556
They spend their entire lives doing nothing
1319
01:13:12,656 --> 01:13:15,892
and leeching off their parents
1320
01:13:15,992 --> 01:13:17,927
and their Uncle Popcorns.
1321
01:13:20,464 --> 01:13:23,166
You want another week?
Fine.
1322
01:13:24,468 --> 01:13:26,069
I'll give you a week,
1323
01:13:26,169 --> 01:13:30,674
then I'm going to call up Mike
and ask him for the money myself.
1324
01:13:54,564 --> 01:13:56,500
Goddamn it.
1325
01:14:01,571 --> 01:14:04,508
Tanya, it's him!
Keep the cat in the bedroom.
1326
01:14:04,574 --> 01:14:08,277
Don't be a pussyfoot!
Kick his ass right now!
1327
01:14:08,545 --> 01:14:09,345
Here.
1328
01:14:09,546 --> 01:14:10,614
It's been nine months.
1329
01:14:10,714 --> 01:14:13,583
Honestly, take this and never come back.
1330
01:14:13,683 --> 01:14:17,153
Please, I am so sick of holding
on to your fuckin' crap.
1331
01:14:17,253 --> 01:14:18,988
It's goddamn ridiculous.
1332
01:14:42,045 --> 01:14:43,146
Jeff.
1333
01:14:43,246 --> 01:14:45,949
Hey.
It's cold outside.
1334
01:14:46,049 --> 01:14:47,551
How long have you been out here?
1335
01:14:47,584 --> 01:14:51,621
Not long. Just, uh, I was in the city, so...
1336
01:14:51,721 --> 01:14:53,222
Are you okay?
1337
01:14:53,322 --> 01:14:55,559
Haven't seen you around the rooms lately.
1338
01:14:55,625 --> 01:14:57,627
I quit going to the meetings.
1339
01:14:57,727 --> 01:14:59,663
Today would have been my ten-year anniversary.
1340
01:14:59,763 --> 01:15:02,431
It's good though. It is.
1341
01:15:02,566 --> 01:15:05,669
I've been real productive with all my free time.
1342
01:15:05,769 --> 01:15:07,236
A regular workhorse.
1343
01:15:08,705 --> 01:15:12,108
How are you?
Are you married yet?
1344
01:15:12,208 --> 01:15:14,678
Not yet.
1345
01:15:20,249 --> 01:15:22,485
I'd marry you, Lynn.
You know that?
1346
01:15:22,586 --> 01:15:25,589
But, Jeff, what would happen?
1347
01:15:25,689 --> 01:15:29,092
I mean, you're a sweet guy,
1348
01:15:29,192 --> 01:15:33,129
and you're funny, and I'm really attracted to you,
1349
01:15:33,229 --> 01:15:38,067
but what kind of a life would
we lead if you can't even...
1350
01:15:38,167 --> 01:15:40,604
clean your own bedroom?
1351
01:15:40,637 --> 01:15:43,206
Technically, it'd be half your room.
1352
01:15:48,177 --> 01:15:51,280
Jeff...
1353
01:15:51,380 --> 01:15:54,651
I never expected to fall in love with you.
1354
01:15:54,751 --> 01:15:57,453
It was the easiest thing
I ever did.
1355
01:15:57,621 --> 01:16:03,026
But if something bad happened, and I drank again,
1356
01:16:03,126 --> 01:16:05,094
I could really hurt myself.
1357
01:16:05,194 --> 01:16:06,630
Nothing bad would happen.
1358
01:16:06,696 --> 01:16:10,634
I just don't have what it
takes to build a life with you.
1359
01:16:15,104 --> 01:16:16,840
I'm sorry.
1360
01:16:21,244 --> 01:16:23,212
Don't drink.
1361
01:16:28,251 --> 01:16:29,986
I accept.
1362
01:16:30,086 --> 01:16:31,020
Hi, Mommy.
1363
01:16:31,120 --> 01:16:34,057
Hi, Jeff.
1364
01:16:34,157 --> 01:16:36,025
Listen, I'm a little upset.
1365
01:16:36,125 --> 01:16:38,662
I was wondering if I could come and
stay with you in Westchester tonight.
1366
01:16:38,695 --> 01:16:40,664
Oh, Mike and I are headed to Florida.
1367
01:16:40,730 --> 01:16:42,198
I'm just about to meet him at the airport.
1368
01:16:42,298 --> 01:16:43,700
What's wrong, sweetie?
1369
01:16:43,800 --> 01:16:45,669
A little sad, that's all.
1370
01:16:45,769 --> 01:16:48,071
Oh, I'm sorry.
1371
01:16:48,171 --> 01:16:50,306
If you want to come up and stay
at the house while we're gone,
1372
01:16:50,406 --> 01:16:51,775
I'm sure that would be fine.
1373
01:16:51,875 --> 01:16:54,210
I would just like you to ask Mike directly.
1374
01:16:54,310 --> 01:16:57,346
No, I'd rather not.
1375
01:16:57,446 --> 01:16:59,382
I don't want to ask any more favors.
1376
01:16:59,482 --> 01:17:01,384
Well, he's happy to do favors for you.
1377
01:17:01,484 --> 01:17:03,687
He loves you.
I.. Just, please.
1378
01:17:03,753 --> 01:17:07,123
If you decide you want to come
up and stay for a few days,
1379
01:17:07,223 --> 01:17:08,725
all you have to do is ask.
1380
01:17:08,825 --> 01:17:11,494
You know what?
I will if I go there.
1381
01:17:11,695 --> 01:17:13,029
I love you, Mommy.
1382
01:17:13,129 --> 01:17:15,899
I love you, too, sweetie, Feel better.
1383
01:17:31,314 --> 01:17:34,784
Today I will clean.
1384
01:17:49,933 --> 01:17:52,001
Ugh...
1385
01:17:52,101 --> 01:17:54,103
Damn it.
1386
01:17:54,203 --> 01:17:59,242
Would you please stop returning
your W-2 form to me personally?
1387
01:17:59,342 --> 01:18:03,279
You're supposed to mail these to the IRS.
1388
01:18:03,379 --> 01:18:05,882
Oh. Thanks.
1389
01:18:05,982 --> 01:18:11,755
Would you please stop returning
your W-2 form to me personally?
1390
01:18:11,788 --> 01:18:14,657
You're supposed to mail these to the IRS.
1391
01:18:14,758 --> 01:18:16,192
You're supposed to mail these to the IRS.
1392
01:18:16,292 --> 01:18:17,360
Mommy...
1393
01:18:19,295 --> 01:18:23,199
I don't mind paying for your
parking tickets when you get them,
1394
01:18:23,299 --> 01:18:24,868
but if you don't pay them,
1395
01:18:24,968 --> 01:18:27,203
since it's my car, it goes against my credit.
1396
01:18:27,303 --> 01:18:30,774
Just call this number here when you get one.
1397
01:18:30,840 --> 01:18:33,843
It's my CPA, and she will handle the tickets.
1398
01:18:33,943 --> 01:18:35,812
Thanks. They're already taken take of.
1399
01:18:35,912 --> 01:18:38,247
Call this number...
Mail these to the IRS.
1400
01:18:38,347 --> 01:18:41,284
...when you get one. It's my CPA.
She will handle the tickets.
1401
01:18:41,384 --> 01:18:43,887
I've got to call.
1402
01:18:43,987 --> 01:18:48,157
Don't get the phone..
I have to pay the phone bill.
1403
01:18:48,257 --> 01:18:49,458
Verizon bill.
1404
01:18:52,395 --> 01:18:54,263
Verizon!
1405
01:18:54,363 --> 01:18:56,299
$487?
1406
01:18:56,399 --> 01:18:58,802
For cable?
1407
01:18:58,902 --> 01:19:00,870
There's a check around here somewhere.
1408
01:19:00,970 --> 01:19:02,205
Where's the paycheck?
1409
01:19:02,305 --> 01:19:04,808
Call this number...
1410
01:19:04,908 --> 01:19:06,342
Aha!
1411
01:19:08,812 --> 01:19:11,380
$493. Thank you, Mrs. Shelby.
1412
01:19:19,055 --> 01:19:20,423
Hi, Verizon?
1413
01:19:20,523 --> 01:19:22,658
I have a personal check here.
1414
01:19:22,826 --> 01:19:26,662
I just want to... turn my phone back on.
1415
01:19:26,830 --> 01:19:30,466
If you have no credit or debit card or
a checking account, you will need a money order.
1416
01:19:30,566 --> 01:19:32,401
How do I do that?
1417
01:19:32,501 --> 01:19:35,404
Do you have a state-issued I.D. card?
1418
01:19:35,504 --> 01:19:36,572
No.
1419
01:19:36,840 --> 01:19:37,841
Passport?
1420
01:19:37,907 --> 01:19:40,243
No. I lost it.
1421
01:19:40,343 --> 01:19:42,645
Social security card?
1422
01:19:42,912 --> 01:19:44,347
No.
1423
01:19:44,447 --> 01:19:46,249
I'm sorry, sir, I can't help you.
1424
01:19:46,349 --> 01:19:47,416
Jeff!
1425
01:19:47,516 --> 01:19:48,852
Where the fuck's my rent?
1426
01:19:48,952 --> 01:19:51,855
I'll give it to you in a minute.
1427
01:19:51,955 --> 01:19:54,891
All right, hurry up.
I'll be in New York.
1428
01:20:09,438 --> 01:20:12,375
Take me, Jeff.
I'll play in my box.
1429
01:20:12,475 --> 01:20:14,343
There's pumas and everything.
1430
01:20:14,443 --> 01:20:15,411
Come with me!
Not now!
1431
01:20:15,511 --> 01:20:16,679
It's so much fun in here.
1432
01:20:16,880 --> 01:20:18,848
Leave me alone!
1433
01:20:18,948 --> 01:20:21,985
I'll play with your nut sack, Jeff.
Jeff, come in here.
1434
01:20:22,085 --> 01:20:24,587
I want you to come and play.
1435
01:20:28,024 --> 01:20:30,426
Jeff, come here.
1436
01:20:30,526 --> 01:20:31,660
I just have to do a...
1437
01:20:31,895 --> 01:20:33,930
Come here.
1438
01:20:34,030 --> 01:20:35,932
Jeff, get over here!
1439
01:20:36,032 --> 01:20:38,935
Hold on! God damn you!
Hold on!
1440
01:20:39,035 --> 01:20:42,005
I gotta.. I'm going to the store.
Going to the store.
1441
01:20:42,105 --> 01:20:45,008
Be right back.
Jeff!
1442
01:20:45,108 --> 01:20:46,809
Stop that car right now!
1443
01:20:46,910 --> 01:20:49,578
You said you needed milk, so I figured...
1444
01:20:53,917 --> 01:20:56,485
Hi. My name is Jeff, and I'm an alcoholic.
1445
01:20:56,585 --> 01:20:57,853
Hi, Jeff.
1446
01:20:57,954 --> 01:21:01,757
I swore I wouldn't come back to the rooms.
1447
01:21:01,857 --> 01:21:06,795
Yesterday was a difficult day for me.
1448
01:21:06,930 --> 01:21:10,133
I needed comfort.
I had to go home.
1449
01:21:19,475 --> 01:21:21,945
The first thing that Mike did when he moved in was...
1450
01:21:22,011 --> 01:21:26,349
he hung up a replica of the fast trout I caught.
1451
01:21:26,449 --> 01:21:29,552
Your mother said it looked just like the one you got.
1452
01:21:29,652 --> 01:21:33,056
I think it might have been a little bigger, Mike.
Jeff is an excellent fisherman.
1453
01:21:33,156 --> 01:21:34,757
Uh...
1454
01:21:34,991 --> 01:21:36,659
Jeff...
1455
01:21:36,759 --> 01:21:38,794
I want you to know that I bought this house
1456
01:21:38,962 --> 01:21:41,664
because I want you and your mother
1457
01:21:41,764 --> 01:21:44,968
to have a place where you can always go
1458
01:21:45,034 --> 01:21:48,972
and feel like things haven't changed.
1459
01:21:49,038 --> 01:21:50,073
You understand me?
1460
01:21:50,173 --> 01:21:51,975
Yeah.
1461
01:21:54,610 --> 01:21:58,081
I loved that trout.
1462
01:21:58,181 --> 01:22:00,583
The house was a haven,
1463
01:22:00,683 --> 01:22:03,819
always open to me, provided I asked.
1464
01:22:03,987 --> 01:22:06,122
Instead of using the furnace,
1465
01:22:06,222 --> 01:22:09,825
which would have caused a noticeable
spike in the heating bill,
1466
01:22:09,993 --> 01:22:15,564
I used a space heater to keep
me warm while I lay on the couch.
1467
01:23:07,283 --> 01:23:09,552
I slept so soundly.
1468
01:23:09,652 --> 01:23:14,190
And then... I smelt it.
1469
01:23:20,196 --> 01:23:22,565
What.. Oh, shit!
1470
01:23:22,665 --> 01:23:26,235
Shit! Fuck.
Oh, shit.
1471
01:23:29,305 --> 01:23:30,739
Oh, Jesus.
1472
01:23:48,824 --> 01:23:52,095
Something very bad has happened.
1473
01:23:55,731 --> 01:23:58,534
I just.. I've come from the..
1474
01:24:00,203 --> 01:24:03,939
Mike, I did some rewiring work a week or two ago.
1475
01:24:04,107 --> 01:24:08,144
Some of the old stuff you had
in there looked a little dangerous.
1476
01:24:10,113 --> 01:24:12,681
I got insurance, so I'm
protected if I made a mistake,
1477
01:24:12,781 --> 01:24:17,120
but I tell you, I really thought I made it safer.
1478
01:24:17,153 --> 01:24:21,157
See, Mike?
Andy could've started it.
1479
01:24:21,257 --> 01:24:23,159
Jeff, you weren't here last night, were you?
1480
01:24:23,259 --> 01:24:26,162
Like I was saying, that wiring was pretty old.
1481
01:24:26,262 --> 01:24:30,133
I'll probably lose my license.
1482
01:24:30,199 --> 01:24:33,136
But hell, if did that, I deserve it.
1483
01:24:33,169 --> 01:24:35,638
Andy, you've done such great
work for us, but this time..
1484
01:24:35,738 --> 01:24:37,440
I know, I know.
1485
01:24:37,540 --> 01:24:39,675
Thank God, it was you,
Andy. Thank God!
1486
01:24:39,775 --> 01:24:42,145
It was me.
1487
01:24:43,746 --> 01:24:46,249
I was here.
1488
01:24:46,349 --> 01:24:48,484
I didn't want you to see that I was here,
1489
01:24:48,584 --> 01:24:52,221
so I used a space heater instead
of turning on the furnace.
1490
01:24:52,321 --> 01:24:56,058
I, uh, I accidentally burnt one of the cushions.
1491
01:24:56,159 --> 01:24:57,726
I tried to hide it, okay?
1492
01:24:57,826 --> 01:25:01,797
That's how the fire started.
It was my fault, not Andy's.
1493
01:25:01,897 --> 01:25:05,501
I burned your house down.
1494
01:25:05,601 --> 01:25:06,735
I'm sorry, Mike.
1495
01:25:21,250 --> 01:25:24,320
Go sit in the fucking car.
1496
01:25:33,262 --> 01:25:36,265
I'm so sorry, darling.
1497
01:25:37,400 --> 01:25:39,202
Oh, my God.
Look at this.
1498
01:25:39,268 --> 01:25:43,272
Wait a second.
I found something!
1499
01:25:44,773 --> 01:25:47,210
Look what I found!
1500
01:25:48,677 --> 01:25:51,280
I'm gonna run a hose from the auxiliary, all right?
1501
01:25:51,380 --> 01:25:53,749
It's Jeff's fish!
1502
01:25:56,685 --> 01:25:58,721
So...
1503
01:25:58,821 --> 01:26:03,592
the only thing that's left of
the house in which I grew up
1504
01:26:03,692 --> 01:26:08,231
is a replica of the very first trout I ever caught
1505
01:26:08,297 --> 01:26:10,733
melted down to its original size.
1506
01:26:17,240 --> 01:26:18,807
You're a hot man, honey.
1507
01:26:18,907 --> 01:26:21,244
Hah! You're hot!
1508
01:26:45,067 --> 01:26:47,870
Definitely.
I burned the house down.
1509
01:26:47,970 --> 01:26:49,905
I burned it down.
1510
01:26:50,005 --> 01:26:51,274
It's his house.
1511
01:26:51,374 --> 01:26:54,277
They're right there.
Say hi, Mike.
1512
01:26:54,343 --> 01:26:56,111
That's my stepdad.
1513
01:26:56,279 --> 01:26:58,381
There's my lovely mommy.
Yeah.
1514
01:26:58,481 --> 01:27:02,150
And the trout, it started off right about here,
1515
01:27:02,285 --> 01:27:05,621
and then it melted down to
pretty much its original size.
1516
01:27:05,721 --> 01:27:07,656
If you guys want to go and see it, you can.
1517
01:27:07,756 --> 01:27:10,759
It's mounted at my mommy and
Mike's new house in Florida.
1518
01:27:10,859 --> 01:27:13,161
You're going to have to go by yourself because,
1519
01:27:13,296 --> 01:27:16,131
as you can guess, yeah, I'm not invited.
1520
01:27:18,867 --> 01:27:22,305
You can put your shoes back on
now because I'm out of here.
1521
01:27:22,371 --> 01:27:26,442
Thank you, guys.
Thank you.
1522
01:27:26,542 --> 01:27:28,511
Thank you.
1523
01:27:33,449 --> 01:27:35,918
♪ I need a hero
1524
01:27:36,018 --> 01:27:40,989
♪ I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night ♪
1525
01:27:41,089 --> 01:27:44,727
Uh, how does comedy pay, Jeff?
1526
01:27:44,827 --> 01:27:47,363
You know, it doesn't really pay all that well.
1527
01:27:47,463 --> 01:27:48,964
I know what you're thinking.
You don't have to worry.
1528
01:27:49,064 --> 01:27:50,866
I'm going to pay you back for the yacht and the house
1529
01:27:50,966 --> 01:27:53,636
and all the things you don't even know about.
1530
01:27:53,736 --> 01:27:55,371
I got a new job.
Oh?
1531
01:27:55,471 --> 01:27:56,939
Yeah. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna keep this one.
1532
01:27:57,039 --> 01:27:58,874
Well!
1533
01:27:58,974 --> 01:28:01,744
I got something I think you're gonna like.
1534
01:28:01,844 --> 01:28:04,347
Take the bricks, put them in that bin.
1535
01:28:04,413 --> 01:28:07,149
Glass, yellow bin.
Metal in the blue bin.
1536
01:28:07,350 --> 01:28:09,452
Thank you, Lenny.
1537
01:28:12,788 --> 01:28:15,190
You're my mentor.
I take care of you, okay?
1538
01:28:15,358 --> 01:28:18,126
But get moving 'cause I want to get
to the Kick Starters meeting by 7:30.
1539
01:28:18,361 --> 01:28:20,429
You got it.
1540
01:28:33,976 --> 01:28:35,544
Whoo!
1541
01:28:38,981 --> 01:28:42,385
I don't know if I'll ever amount to anything in life,
1542
01:28:42,451 --> 01:28:45,488
if I'll ever be able to overcome
my learning disabilities,
1543
01:28:45,588 --> 01:28:50,393
but I'm going to try to take care of the details.
1544
01:28:50,426 --> 01:28:54,930
I also decided that before I get
too old or before I'm institutionalized
1545
01:28:55,030 --> 01:28:57,065
that I might as well make an effort
1546
01:28:57,165 --> 01:28:59,968
at tackling a learning disabled
person's biggest nightmare..
1547
01:29:00,068 --> 01:29:02,805
to captain a boat.
1548
01:29:02,905 --> 01:29:04,807
Jeff!
1549
01:29:08,544 --> 01:29:09,878
Captain!
1550
01:29:14,517 --> 01:29:15,984
I tried calling you.
1551
01:29:16,084 --> 01:29:18,521
For once, your phone wasn't shut off.
1552
01:29:18,621 --> 01:29:22,124
Your landlord told me that I could find you here.
1553
01:29:22,224 --> 01:29:26,862
Look. I found this mixed in with Terry's boating things.
1554
01:29:26,962 --> 01:29:28,964
They published your letter to the editor.
1555
01:29:29,064 --> 01:29:30,466
Wow.
1556
01:29:30,566 --> 01:29:32,267
They didn't change anything.
1557
01:29:32,435 --> 01:29:34,803
Not even the mistakes.
1558
01:29:37,940 --> 01:29:40,876
Is that mine?
1559
01:29:40,976 --> 01:29:42,945
I honestly don't know.
1560
01:29:43,045 --> 01:29:46,314
Wow.
1561
01:29:46,449 --> 01:29:48,784
That's great either way.
1562
01:29:48,884 --> 01:29:51,920
I would love to be a father or a stepfather.
1563
01:29:52,020 --> 01:29:54,457
I got a lot of experience with my own.
1564
01:29:54,557 --> 01:29:58,026
Jeff, I wanted to talk to you.
1565
01:29:58,126 --> 01:29:59,928
I left Terry.
1566
01:30:01,464 --> 01:30:03,165
Great.
1567
01:30:04,900 --> 01:30:07,870
Do you want to go fishing?
I got an extra rod.
1568
01:30:07,970 --> 01:30:10,405
The open sea is a perfect place to chat.
1569
01:30:10,506 --> 01:30:12,941
Oh, I don't know if that's such a good idea.
1570
01:30:13,041 --> 01:30:16,011
It's not just me anymore.
1571
01:30:16,111 --> 01:30:18,547
Right. Good point.
1572
01:30:18,647 --> 01:30:20,949
Do you want to fish off the dock?
1573
01:30:23,185 --> 01:30:25,688
Okay.
All right.
1574
01:30:30,025 --> 01:30:33,462
Wow. Victory.
It's a nice boat.
1575
01:30:33,562 --> 01:30:35,330
♪ Another night The stars are bright ♪
1576
01:30:35,430 --> 01:30:37,866
♪ But I know things just aren't quite right ♪
1577
01:30:37,966 --> 01:30:40,669
♪ I'm sad and blue
1578
01:30:42,270 --> 01:30:43,839
♪ Oh, please, Mr. Moon
1579
01:30:43,939 --> 01:30:45,941
♪ Oh, won't you bring me soon
1580
01:30:46,041 --> 01:30:50,546
♪ A love that's oh, so true
1581
01:30:50,646 --> 01:30:53,616
♪ Got a whole lotta love in my heart ♪
1582
01:30:53,716 --> 01:30:58,621
♪ But no one to give it to
1583
01:30:58,721 --> 01:31:01,924
♪ Waiting for you
1584
01:31:02,024 --> 01:31:05,594
♪ Oh, Mr. Love Man, when
you gonna come on through? ♪
1585
01:31:05,694 --> 01:31:08,664
By the way, you want a cup of coffee?
1586
01:31:08,764 --> 01:31:10,666
♪ Every day that passes by
1587
01:31:10,766 --> 01:31:13,135
♪ Another tear falls from my eye ♪
1588
01:31:13,235 --> 01:31:15,003
♪ I'm not too strong
1589
01:31:17,105 --> 01:31:21,143
♪ So no matter where you are
beyond the land or sea afar ♪
1590
01:31:21,243 --> 01:31:24,146
♪ Oh, please don't take too long ♪
1591
01:31:25,681 --> 01:31:28,116
♪ Anticipating your sweet love ♪
1592
01:31:28,216 --> 01:31:34,122
♪ I am waiting to get all your kisses true ♪
1593
01:31:34,222 --> 01:31:37,092
♪ Waiting for you
1594
01:31:37,192 --> 01:31:42,598
♪ Oh, Mr. Love Man, when you gonna come on through? ♪
1595
01:31:44,032 --> 01:31:47,069
♪ You can't miss me, darlin'
1596
01:31:47,169 --> 01:31:52,608
♪ I'll be so easy to find
1597
01:31:52,708 --> 01:31:56,945
♪ Standing here, reaching up
1598
01:31:57,045 --> 01:32:01,416
♪ With my arms open wide
1599
01:32:01,584 --> 01:32:03,652
♪ You'll know me by my lonely eyes ♪
1600
01:32:03,752 --> 01:32:06,154
♪ It won't be hard to recognize me ♪
1601
01:32:06,254 --> 01:32:08,624
♪ You will see
1602
01:32:10,158 --> 01:32:12,327
♪ A girl who's standing all alone ♪
1603
01:32:12,427 --> 01:32:14,630
♪ With no sweet man to call her own ♪
1604
01:32:14,730 --> 01:32:18,300
♪ So hurry, please
1605
01:32:18,400 --> 01:32:21,604
♪ I've got a whole lotta love in my heart ♪
1606
01:32:21,704 --> 01:32:26,141
♪ But no one to give it to
1607
01:32:27,242 --> 01:32:30,045
♪ Waiting for you
1608
01:32:30,145 --> 01:32:35,718
♪ Oh, Mr. Love Man, when you gonna come on through? ♪
1609
01:32:35,818 --> 01:32:38,721
♪ Waiting for you
1610
01:32:38,821 --> 01:32:44,026
♪ Oh, Mr. Love Man, when you gonna come on through? ♪
1611
01:32:44,126 --> 01:32:47,329
♪ Just waiting for you
1612
01:32:47,429 --> 01:32:53,268
♪ Oh, Mr. Love Man, when you gonna come on through? ♪
1613
01:32:53,368 --> 01:32:56,204
♪ Waiting for you
1614
01:32:56,304 --> 01:33:02,210
♪ Oh, Mr. Love Man when you gonna make it true? ♪
1615
01:33:02,310 --> 01:33:05,113
♪ Waiting for you
1616
01:33:05,213 --> 01:33:08,651
♪ Oh, Mr. Love Man, when you gonna come on through? ♪
1617
01:33:08,717 --> 01:33:10,753
All right, here we go.
We have your next act.
1618
01:33:10,853 --> 01:33:14,022
What can I say about this funny guy? Funny man.
1619
01:33:14,122 --> 01:33:16,024
You probably saw him on the Luggage Channel.
1620
01:33:16,124 --> 01:33:20,095
Ladies and gentlemen, Jeff Nichols, everybody.
Jeff Nichols!
1621
01:33:20,195 --> 01:33:24,667
This guy looks like Rain Man and
Forrest Gump on crack, don't I, a little bit?
1622
01:33:24,700 --> 01:33:27,169
I sound like Rudy Giuliani on Nyquil,
don't I, a little bit?
1623
01:33:27,269 --> 01:33:30,773
I'm a friggin' mess.
My life is a disaster,
1624
01:33:30,873 --> 01:33:33,676
I should've been out of this
business like before I walked on stage.
1625
01:33:33,742 --> 01:33:35,110
How you doin'?
All right.
1626
01:33:35,210 --> 01:33:37,680
I subbed for years, five years in the Bronx.
1627
01:33:37,713 --> 01:33:39,682
I taught school in the Bronx and Queens.
1628
01:33:39,715 --> 01:33:41,984
I taught in.. You gonna call my bluff?
1629
01:33:42,084 --> 01:33:48,223
No. I taught in like a lot of them 'cause I sucked.
1630
01:33:48,323 --> 01:33:50,325
I sucked.
1631
01:33:50,425 --> 01:33:54,129
True. The first day I school,
I went to the principal.
1632
01:33:54,229 --> 01:33:56,765
I go to the principal. I go,
"I'm a comic. I drive around.
1633
01:33:56,865 --> 01:33:58,600
What wisdom can I impart to these kids?
1634
01:33:58,701 --> 01:34:01,369
What can I possibly teach these kids?"
1635
01:34:01,469 --> 01:34:03,706
She goes, "Don't worry, just
teach the kids what you know,
1636
01:34:03,772 --> 01:34:05,240
what you're good at."
1637
01:34:05,340 --> 01:34:07,710
First day of school, everyone: "Today, kids,
1638
01:34:07,743 --> 01:34:10,813
we're gonna learn how to stare
at women 'til they get uncomfortable."
1639
01:34:14,717 --> 01:34:18,787
"Today, kids, we're going to
learn to have an anxiety attack."
119222
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