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1
00:00:02,741 --> 00:00:03,090
.
2
00:00:03,133 --> 00:00:06,093
- Okay, start to shut up,
everybody.
3
00:00:06,136 --> 00:00:08,486
Here we go.
Yeah.
4
00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:10,053
[grunts]
5
00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:13,622
All right, come and get 'em,
you dogs.
6
00:00:13,665 --> 00:00:16,059
You are now free
to begin learning biology.
7
00:00:16,103 --> 00:00:19,149
[uplifting music]
8
00:00:19,193 --> 00:00:22,022
Yeah, get 'em.
Get 'em.
9
00:00:22,065 --> 00:00:24,502
Yeah, bunch of animals.
10
00:00:24,546 --> 00:00:27,201
[chuckling]
11
00:00:28,332 --> 00:00:30,769
You see, my plucky
little cherubs,
12
00:00:30,813 --> 00:00:34,121
I am outta here.
13
00:00:34,164 --> 00:00:37,646
Yeah, our revenge mission
was a success.
14
00:00:37,689 --> 00:00:40,562
Miles is leaving
his post at Stanford,
15
00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:42,390
and I am to assume
my rightful perch
16
00:00:42,433 --> 00:00:44,218
atop the philosophy department
17
00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:46,524
where my intellect
will be worshiped by students
18
00:00:46,568 --> 00:00:48,787
that don't dry hump
their pillows every night.
19
00:00:48,831 --> 00:00:51,486
- Uh, it's my understanding
that an academic chair
20
00:00:51,529 --> 00:00:54,271
is more admin work
than actual student time.
21
00:00:54,315 --> 00:00:56,317
- I'll miss you least of all,
Scarecrow.
22
00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:58,710
- Does this mean we'll get
an actual biology teacher?
23
00:00:58,754 --> 00:01:00,538
- Yes, yes,
you're finally gonna be taught
24
00:01:00,582 --> 00:01:02,714
by someone who couldn't
get into med school.
25
00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:04,107
Can you even?
26
00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:05,108
[Ramones'
"Listen to My Heart"]
27
00:01:05,152 --> 00:01:06,718
- One, two, three, four!
28
00:01:06,762 --> 00:01:09,243
- ♪ Next time
I'll listen to my heart ♪
29
00:01:09,286 --> 00:01:12,159
♪ Next time,
well, I'll be smart ♪
30
00:01:12,202 --> 00:01:19,166
♪
31
00:01:19,209 --> 00:01:20,645
- Gosh.
32
00:01:20,689 --> 00:01:23,648
Seems like only yesterday
we were stumbling our way
33
00:01:23,692 --> 00:01:25,259
through our first
Miles mission.
34
00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:27,652
[sniffs] Ah,
so many good ones, you know.
35
00:01:27,696 --> 00:01:30,916
- I liked the planting-his-DNA-
on-a-dead-body one.
36
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:33,136
I still walk
the Maumee River every morning
37
00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:35,356
looking for a floater.
- Ah, do ya?
38
00:01:35,399 --> 00:01:38,315
- I certainly enjoyed
our online love affair.
39
00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:41,101
He still thinks
I'm a 32-year-old named Linda.
40
00:01:41,144 --> 00:01:42,145
[drum sticks tapping]
41
00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:45,148
[drum line playing]
42
00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:52,460
♪
43
00:01:59,031 --> 00:02:02,687
- Colin, will you go to the
Sadie Hawkins dance with me?
44
00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:06,952
- Uh-huh.
- Ya pranked!
45
00:02:06,996 --> 00:02:07,953
[rimshot]
46
00:02:07,997 --> 00:02:11,131
[laughter]
47
00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:14,308
You really think that a drummer
48
00:02:14,351 --> 00:02:17,006
would go to a dance
with a woodwind?
49
00:02:17,049 --> 00:02:20,009
[percussive music]
50
00:02:20,052 --> 00:02:27,016
♪
51
00:02:27,886 --> 00:02:30,454
- Wow. Man, they must have
rehearsed the crap out of that.
52
00:02:30,498 --> 00:02:33,457
Now who's the chick
with the strong sense of self?
53
00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:35,677
- Her name's Dallas.
She's the worst.
54
00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:38,593
The whole drum corps is.
- One time I yawned,
55
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:41,291
and they threw
my mashed potatoes in my mouth.
56
00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:42,553
- Now wait a second.
Are you guys saying that
57
00:02:42,597 --> 00:02:44,294
the drum corps
are the cool kids?
58
00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:46,035
'Cause that's nuts.
- Well, they're above us
59
00:02:46,078 --> 00:02:47,297
on the hierarchy.
60
00:02:47,341 --> 00:02:48,820
The newspaper kids
are above them.
61
00:02:48,864 --> 00:02:50,735
I'm not really sure
who's at the top,
62
00:02:50,779 --> 00:02:53,390
but I'd like to think it's some
kind of sex-having athlete.
63
00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:55,218
- No, no, no, no, no, look.
Forget the whole
64
00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:56,611
food chain/hierarchy thing,
okay.
65
00:02:56,654 --> 00:02:58,134
Have you guys absorbed nothing
66
00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,092
from all the missions
that we've done?
67
00:03:00,136 --> 00:03:01,877
There's no greater pick-me-up
68
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:04,227
than taking down somebody
who's wronged you.
69
00:03:04,271 --> 00:03:05,794
- But, Mr. Griffin...
70
00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:07,404
[whispers]
She has a nose ring.
71
00:03:07,448 --> 00:03:08,666
- Forget the nose ring.
72
00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:10,015
Don't be intimidated by that.
73
00:03:10,059 --> 00:03:11,495
That's exactly what she wants.
74
00:03:11,539 --> 00:03:13,889
Now we're gonna get revenge
on the drum corps.
75
00:03:13,932 --> 00:03:16,283
That's what we're gonna do.
Yeah.
76
00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:18,807
I'm gonna pull you guys off
the bottom of that food chain.
77
00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:21,244
- Technically, we're above
the Russian kids.
78
00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:24,247
- Not for long.
They're acclimating fast.
79
00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:25,857
- Commies.
80
00:03:25,901 --> 00:03:28,730
- This is a going away video
for Jack.
81
00:03:28,773 --> 00:03:30,427
- Oh.
82
00:03:30,471 --> 00:03:32,386
Jack, I've never had
the opportunity
83
00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:33,822
to say this
to you face-to-face,
84
00:03:33,865 --> 00:03:35,693
but your penis
is clearly visible
85
00:03:35,737 --> 00:03:38,914
through your sweatpants.
Okay, have fun in Hollywood.
86
00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:40,045
- Wait, what was that?
87
00:03:40,089 --> 00:03:42,091
Rewind.
Freeze it.
88
00:03:42,134 --> 00:03:43,875
There.
Do you see that?
89
00:03:43,919 --> 00:03:45,355
- Mm-mm.
- Zoom in.
90
00:03:45,399 --> 00:03:47,923
- Okay.
- [gasps]
91
00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:49,707
- Oh, my God.
92
00:03:49,751 --> 00:03:51,535
Is that a ghost?
- Zoom in.
93
00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:53,145
- [exclaims]
- [chuckles] Ooh.
94
00:03:53,189 --> 00:03:54,495
- No.
- Mm-mm.
95
00:03:54,538 --> 00:03:56,323
- That's crazy, right?
96
00:03:56,366 --> 00:03:58,542
We all agree
that ghosts aren't real.
97
00:03:58,586 --> 00:04:00,065
both: Yeah.
- All right.
98
00:04:00,109 --> 00:04:03,112
Let's just get back to editing.
- Yeah, okay.
99
00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:05,810
- [cheerfully whistling]
Ah.
100
00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:08,552
- Well, good morning,
beautiful songbird.
101
00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:11,207
You sound just like the loon
that visited our lake house.
102
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,730
- Oh, yeah?
- He died last summer.
103
00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:14,602
We're pretty sure that
a power line got him.
104
00:04:14,645 --> 00:04:17,735
We found, like,
a basket of ribs.
105
00:04:17,779 --> 00:04:20,564
Like, a charred--
- Helen, Helen, Helen, I--
106
00:04:20,608 --> 00:04:23,567
So, get this.
I'm finally leaving Toledo.
107
00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:25,265
Yeah, I'm free.
- What?
108
00:04:25,308 --> 00:04:27,267
You've only been here
three little months.
109
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:28,703
- Yeah, I know. I know.
- Aww.
110
00:04:28,746 --> 00:04:30,792
I once took a nap
longer than that.
111
00:04:30,835 --> 00:04:33,751
Of course, I had just slammed
into the straight side
112
00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:36,145
of a water ski ramp.
- Uh-huh.
113
00:04:36,188 --> 00:04:38,974
- My eyes were open and
I was talking, but I was dead.
114
00:04:39,017 --> 00:04:42,151
- As I was saying,
um, yeah, I'm out of here.
115
00:04:42,194 --> 00:04:44,588
I'm gonna go head the
Stanford philosophy department.
116
00:04:44,632 --> 00:04:48,026
- Hey, not too shabby, huh?
- [laughs] I know.
117
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,463
Yeah.
[both laugh]
118
00:04:49,506 --> 00:04:51,334
- I'd say you're going
to greener pastures,
119
00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:52,857
but California is on fire.
120
00:04:52,901 --> 00:04:56,034
- Okay.
- Hey, when you leave,
121
00:04:56,078 --> 00:04:59,560
could I please have that
big, fancy professor throne?
122
00:04:59,603 --> 00:05:01,953
- Professor thro--
oh, my massage chair?
123
00:05:01,997 --> 00:05:03,607
- Yes.
- Yeah, sure. Why not?
124
00:05:03,651 --> 00:05:06,741
Yeah, you could--you
could really stand to relax.
125
00:05:06,784 --> 00:05:07,524
- Oh, thank you.
126
00:05:07,568 --> 00:05:10,005
[percussive music]
127
00:05:10,048 --> 00:05:11,963
- [sighs]
[door opens]
128
00:05:12,007 --> 00:05:14,444
- Ah.
Hi, Ralph.
129
00:05:14,488 --> 00:05:17,404
- At first, I couldn't believe
you were leaving.
130
00:05:17,447 --> 00:05:20,363
You know, and then I...
131
00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:21,843
took a sharp turn to anger.
132
00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:23,801
- Oh, did you punch a hole
in the wall?
133
00:05:23,845 --> 00:05:25,368
- Oh, tha--no,
134
00:05:25,412 --> 00:05:27,631
I thought it'd be cool
to have an office hammock.
135
00:05:27,675 --> 00:05:29,329
Then I found out
the hard way that
136
00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:31,722
drywall does not support
a human body.
137
00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:33,463
- Mm.
- But now I've moved on
138
00:05:33,507 --> 00:05:35,987
to the third stage of grief;
139
00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:39,164
bargaining.
Jack, I can offer you
140
00:05:39,208 --> 00:05:41,471
two parking spaces.
141
00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:43,430
Now, granted,
they're not adjacent.
142
00:05:43,473 --> 00:05:45,345
- Let's see.
Six-figure salary
143
00:05:45,388 --> 00:05:47,869
or a second
floating parking spot.
144
00:05:47,912 --> 00:05:50,132
- Okay, I get it, Jack.
All right?
145
00:05:50,175 --> 00:05:51,960
I want what's best for you too.
146
00:05:52,003 --> 00:05:56,660
Look, could you at least impart
some words of Ivy League wisdom
147
00:05:56,704 --> 00:05:58,401
to the students at the hit
'90s movie
148
00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,403
Congo-themed dance
this Friday?
149
00:06:00,447 --> 00:06:02,100
- Yes... [snaps]
That I can do.
150
00:06:02,144 --> 00:06:04,625
Yeah. Maybe I'll teach 'em
about deterministic living.
151
00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:06,670
Yeah.
Or maybe just, uh...
152
00:06:06,714 --> 00:06:08,193
teach 'em about deodorant.
[chair rumbles]
153
00:06:08,237 --> 00:06:12,023
- Ralph, the cash for gold guy
is on line three.
154
00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:13,677
- Did you already
take my chair, Helen?
155
00:06:13,721 --> 00:06:15,636
- Oh, I did.
Oh, it's so comfortable.
156
00:06:15,679 --> 00:06:18,508
It's like my hind end
is smiling from ear to ear.
157
00:06:18,552 --> 00:06:20,118
♪
158
00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:22,556
.
159
00:06:22,599 --> 00:06:24,688
- All right, everybody,
what have we got
160
00:06:24,732 --> 00:06:25,820
for revenge against Dallas?
161
00:06:25,863 --> 00:06:27,256
- We could adjust her metronome
162
00:06:27,299 --> 00:06:28,866
so she drums
slightly off tempo.
163
00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:31,347
- Hmm.
That seems like your second
164
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,349
bad idea of the day there,
Colin.
165
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,351
No, come on, guys.
We need to go bigger.
166
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:38,180
- Did you ever see
the movie "Carrie"?
167
00:06:38,223 --> 00:06:41,052
We could stuff the ballot box
so Dallas is voted queen.
168
00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:43,446
And then when she's
on stage getting crowned,
169
00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:46,057
we can humiliate her
by covering her...
170
00:06:46,101 --> 00:06:47,929
both: In pig's blood.
171
00:06:47,972 --> 00:06:51,062
- Yeah. Yeah.
Whoo.
172
00:06:51,106 --> 00:06:52,760
Anybody else
just get goose bumps?
173
00:06:52,803 --> 00:06:54,022
Yeah.
174
00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:55,545
- Where will we get
pig's blood?
175
00:06:55,589 --> 00:06:58,374
- My dad's butcher shop.
We have troughs of it.
176
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,245
- Let's do it.
[cell phone ringing]
177
00:07:00,289 --> 00:07:02,160
Oh, you know what, guys,
keep it going.
178
00:07:02,204 --> 00:07:04,859
I gotta take this call.
It's Stanford.
179
00:07:04,902 --> 00:07:06,904
Man, it feels good to say that.
180
00:07:06,948 --> 00:07:08,776
Mm.
181
00:07:09,472 --> 00:07:11,474
Miles.
- Jack, Jack.
182
00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:13,476
You'll never guess
who I'm with.
183
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:16,305
- Dean Richardson, hi.
Love that tie.
184
00:07:16,348 --> 00:07:18,176
I'm digging it.
- Well, thank you, Jack.
185
00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:21,876
This shade of red
is Stanford Cardinal.
186
00:07:21,919 --> 00:07:24,879
[laughs]
- [laughs]
187
00:07:24,922 --> 00:07:27,751
- [chuckles]
- This guy.
188
00:07:27,795 --> 00:07:29,449
- Aw, fun, fun.
189
00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:32,452
Well, Jack, I'm on my way out,
but we are really
190
00:07:32,495 --> 00:07:34,236
looking forward
to having your with us.
191
00:07:34,279 --> 00:07:35,716
- You are gonna
love having him.
192
00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:38,849
Jack and I are like
the same soul
193
00:07:38,893 --> 00:07:41,548
in two separate bodies.
- Yeah.
194
00:07:41,591 --> 00:07:44,072
- Well, Jack, I'm off.
195
00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:45,377
[laughs]
196
00:07:45,421 --> 00:07:47,771
- [laughs] Hey.
[door closes]
197
00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:50,339
Jack, between you and I,
198
00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:52,254
Stanford are really
scrutinizing
199
00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:54,299
their faculty's behavior
at the moment.
200
00:07:54,343 --> 00:07:56,301
Turns out one of
the English professors
201
00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:58,347
has been using
his faculty website
202
00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:00,523
to sell ecstasy.
- Wow.
203
00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:01,872
Seems like that's
what the dean was on.
204
00:08:01,916 --> 00:08:03,308
- [laughs]
Yeah.
205
00:08:03,352 --> 00:08:05,528
But, seriously,
keep your nose clean
206
00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:07,356
for the next couple of days,
all right,
207
00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:08,923
you saucy little mongoose.
208
00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:11,969
- Will do, you--
you fuzzy old, uh...
209
00:08:12,013 --> 00:08:13,231
- Go on. Do--what was it.
- Nope.
210
00:08:13,275 --> 00:08:14,929
I'm not gonna do this.
211
00:08:14,972 --> 00:08:18,846
♪
212
00:08:18,889 --> 00:08:20,630
[indistinct whispering]
- Yo, you want to hear
213
00:08:20,674 --> 00:08:23,024
what we've got so far?
- So we'll all go to the dance
214
00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:24,547
as a group-
- Oh, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.
215
00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:26,593
Nope. No mas.
No mas. Yeah.
216
00:08:26,636 --> 00:08:29,160
Turns out my Stanford job
is on the line here, guys.
217
00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:30,640
So as much as it kills me
to say this,
218
00:08:30,684 --> 00:08:34,035
I cannot douse a teenage girl
in blood.
219
00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:36,907
I'm gonna be over here picking
out my California bang pad,
220
00:08:36,951 --> 00:08:38,996
so it's time for you guys
to nut up
221
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:40,955
and do this on your own.
222
00:08:40,998 --> 00:08:42,652
All right?
Let's see here.
223
00:08:42,696 --> 00:08:44,132
Bang pad.
224
00:08:44,175 --> 00:08:45,612
[keys thumping]
Bang pads.
225
00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:47,744
Oh, nope, nope, nope.
That's not a good website.
226
00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:49,354
- Okay, so what should we use
227
00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:51,356
as background music
for Jack's video?
228
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,967
My vote is the
"What a man, what a man,
229
00:08:53,010 --> 00:08:54,621
what a man, what a man,
what a mighty good man" song.
230
00:08:54,664 --> 00:08:56,927
- Michelle, that's too many
"what a mans."
231
00:08:56,971 --> 00:08:58,973
- I can't help it.
I'm rattled.
232
00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:00,496
All I can think about
is that ghost.
233
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,803
- There has to be
a easy explanation for it.
234
00:09:02,846 --> 00:09:05,849
It was a glare.
- Yeah, plus ghosts only haunt
235
00:09:05,893 --> 00:09:07,285
places that they've died,
236
00:09:07,329 --> 00:09:09,592
and no one's ever died
at Whitlock, so...
237
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:12,813
- Unless you count
Beehive Beverly
238
00:09:12,856 --> 00:09:14,510
who died of a headfire.
239
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:15,990
- A headfire?
240
00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:18,035
- Oh, it's Whitlock legend.
241
00:09:18,079 --> 00:09:20,603
It was 1964
242
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:21,952
and our Home Ec teacher,
243
00:09:21,996 --> 00:09:23,606
Beverly Sills,
was a real tomboy.
244
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:26,522
Now, that didn't set well
with Principal Thorson.
245
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:29,612
So he made her put her hair
up into a beehive.
246
00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:31,048
And one fateful day,
247
00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:33,964
she was pulling out
zucchini muffins from the oven
248
00:09:34,008 --> 00:09:35,575
and her beehive caught on fire
249
00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:38,012
and flash-melted
down to the scalp.
250
00:09:38,055 --> 00:09:41,189
- Oh.
- Some people say that
251
00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:43,931
she still roams these halls...
252
00:09:43,974 --> 00:09:45,193
[eerie music]
253
00:09:45,236 --> 00:09:48,979
Cursed to always wear
a beehive.
254
00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:51,547
♪
255
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:54,202
Ha! [laughs]
[all exclaim]
256
00:09:54,245 --> 00:09:55,856
- So we'll rig
the buckets of blood
257
00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:57,379
the day before in the gym.
258
00:09:57,422 --> 00:09:59,207
We'll get in there by crawling
through the duct system.
259
00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:01,862
- This plan sucks.
- Your attitude sucks.
260
00:10:01,905 --> 00:10:03,646
- Okay, dude, stop fighting.
We need to figure out
261
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:05,779
how to get into the gym.
- The duct system!
262
00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:08,564
- Okay, guys, guys, guys.
I'm not getting involved here.
263
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,218
I'm just letting you know
that every teacher
264
00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:12,350
keeps a master key
in their top drawer,
265
00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:16,093
so steal it from them
when they're not looking.
266
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:24,406
- Bingo.
267
00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:27,888
.
268
00:10:27,931 --> 00:10:29,759
[Major Lazer's "Run Up"
playing]
269
00:10:29,803 --> 00:10:31,674
[indistinct chatter]
270
00:10:31,718 --> 00:10:34,938
- ♪ Yeah they thought
that you was a shy girl ♪
271
00:10:34,982 --> 00:10:37,071
♪ Until I made you my girl
272
00:10:37,114 --> 00:10:39,377
♪ Girl you pushed me
like a big button ♪
273
00:10:39,421 --> 00:10:41,336
♪ Till I cuffed you
like you did somethin' ♪
274
00:10:41,379 --> 00:10:43,512
♪ You ain't gotta
wait for it ♪
275
00:10:43,555 --> 00:10:45,862
♪ You ain't gotta wait
for me to give you my love ♪
276
00:10:45,906 --> 00:10:48,038
♪ You ain't got
to wait for it ♪
277
00:10:48,082 --> 00:10:49,518
♪ Things are
gettin' sticky girl... ♪
278
00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:51,041
- Dudes, like, seriously,
disperse.
279
00:10:51,085 --> 00:10:53,174
All right?
Y'all looking shady as hell.
280
00:10:53,217 --> 00:10:55,002
♪
281
00:10:55,045 --> 00:10:56,525
[all whispering]
282
00:10:56,568 --> 00:10:57,657
- Well done, ladies.
283
00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:58,962
[all exclaim]
- Oh, God.
284
00:10:59,006 --> 00:11:01,051
- Durbs, put a bell
on that collar.
285
00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:02,574
- Ooh, my hiccups are gone.
286
00:11:02,618 --> 00:11:04,098
- Hey, guys,
I'm sorry to scare you,
287
00:11:04,141 --> 00:11:06,709
but how great is this?
I mean, it's--
288
00:11:06,753 --> 00:11:08,711
this is like really being
in the movie "Congo."
289
00:11:08,755 --> 00:11:11,061
- Durbadook, we have an issue.
290
00:11:11,105 --> 00:11:14,108
- Whitlock is haunted.
- It's Beehive Beverly.
291
00:11:14,151 --> 00:11:17,372
- Guys, there's no such thing
as Beehive Beverly.
292
00:11:17,415 --> 00:11:18,765
- So there's no Beehive--
293
00:11:18,808 --> 00:11:20,244
- [screeches]
Let's--
294
00:11:20,288 --> 00:11:22,551
let's not say her name
a third time though.
295
00:11:22,594 --> 00:11:24,596
[chuckles]
You know, just in case.
296
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,990
Silly. It's...
297
00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:31,691
[indistinct chatter]
298
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:37,740
- Whoa, we are definitely not
gonna get the deposits back
299
00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:39,133
on these gorilla suits.
300
00:11:39,176 --> 00:11:41,831
This one smells like egg salad.
[chuckles]
301
00:11:41,875 --> 00:11:45,139
Oh, boy.
Hello, everyone.
302
00:11:45,182 --> 00:11:49,447
The king and queen of the
Sadie Hawkins "Congo" Dance
303
00:11:49,491 --> 00:11:51,188
Inspired by the Movie
304
00:11:51,232 --> 00:11:53,756
Based on the Book
by Michael Crichton...
305
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,192
The winners are:
306
00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:58,413
Dallas Chaffee
and Joshua McLees.
307
00:11:58,456 --> 00:12:00,545
Get your butts up here.
308
00:12:00,589 --> 00:12:01,546
Good job.
309
00:12:01,590 --> 00:12:04,811
[cheers and applause]
310
00:12:09,424 --> 00:12:12,383
[mischievous music]
311
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:14,995
♪
312
00:12:15,038 --> 00:12:18,607
- Yes, congratulations,
Dallas and Joshua!
313
00:12:18,650 --> 00:12:21,610
[cheers and applause]
314
00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:25,005
♪
315
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:27,137
- Wow.
316
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:32,012
♪
317
00:12:32,055 --> 00:12:33,187
- [whispers]
Why isn't it working?
318
00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:35,667
Pull harder.
- I'm trying.
319
00:12:35,711 --> 00:12:37,495
It must be stuck.
320
00:12:37,539 --> 00:12:41,804
- Is everybody having fun
in the Lost City of Zinj?
321
00:12:41,848 --> 00:12:44,938
[chuckles]
♪ Amy love "Congo" movie
322
00:12:44,981 --> 00:12:46,678
- None of us get that.
323
00:12:46,722 --> 00:12:48,811
- We have not seen film.
Get to point.
324
00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:50,639
- Wow, even the--
even the Russian kids.
325
00:12:50,682 --> 00:12:53,816
You are acclimating quickly.
Well, without further ado,
326
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:56,819
I would like to introduce
our keynote speaker.
327
00:12:56,863 --> 00:13:01,345
Please welcome my ex-roomie,
Mr. Jack Griffin.
328
00:13:01,389 --> 00:13:03,783
[cheers and applause]
329
00:13:03,826 --> 00:13:05,697
- All right, guys.
Oh.
330
00:13:05,741 --> 00:13:08,352
[chuckles awkwardly]
Okay. Hi.
331
00:13:08,396 --> 00:13:10,833
I guess my message to you
is pretty simple.
332
00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:12,835
Um, you gotta
get out of Toledo.
333
00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:14,532
Just get the hell out of here
any way you can.
334
00:13:14,576 --> 00:13:18,623
I got out using my good looks
and my wit and my charm,
335
00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:20,190
but you guys don't have that,
336
00:13:20,234 --> 00:13:21,888
so you'll have
to come up with something else.
337
00:13:21,931 --> 00:13:23,237
- Who are you?
338
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:24,847
- You know,
you could join a circus.
339
00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:26,457
Yeah, that could be cool.
340
00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:28,546
I know those gypsies tend
to hire, you know, their own,
341
00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:30,505
but you could marry in.
Yeah, that's one way in.
342
00:13:30,548 --> 00:13:32,202
Maybe you wouldn't even
have to work at the circus.
343
00:13:32,246 --> 00:13:34,161
You could just, you know--
you'd make dinner
344
00:13:34,204 --> 00:13:36,685
for when the gypsy comes home.
Just, you know, keep 'em happy.
345
00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:39,296
Otherwise,
they'll steal your baby.
346
00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:41,124
[clears throat]
It's been a lot of fun,
347
00:13:41,168 --> 00:13:43,866
but I'm sure, sure glad
to be leaving this damn place.
348
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:46,390
Uh, okay.
See ya.
349
00:13:46,434 --> 00:13:47,696
[light applause]
350
00:13:47,739 --> 00:13:49,437
- Okay, uh, well...
351
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:52,614
gypsy's, I think,
are an unjustly maligned group.
352
00:13:52,657 --> 00:13:55,051
They gave us the tambourine.
353
00:13:55,095 --> 00:13:59,055
And if you ask me, Toledo is
a great place to live.
354
00:13:59,099 --> 00:14:00,883
Jack, the ladies
have put together
355
00:14:00,927 --> 00:14:02,885
a little bon voyage
surprise gift for you,
356
00:14:02,929 --> 00:14:05,366
so take it away, ladies.
All right.
357
00:14:05,409 --> 00:14:06,541
- Thank you, Durbs.
358
00:14:06,584 --> 00:14:08,891
Oh, Harvard Jack,
we're gonna miss you.
359
00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:11,328
We made you this hella tight
good-bye video,
360
00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:13,896
but we just wanted to give
the audience a quick warning.
361
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:15,419
If you see something
behind Coach,
362
00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:17,204
it's definitely not a ghost.
- Mm-hmm.
363
00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:19,597
Yeah, actually,
90% sure it's not a ghost
364
00:14:19,641 --> 00:14:21,077
because there is no such thing.
365
00:14:21,121 --> 00:14:22,862
- Uh, probably not.
366
00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:24,124
Definitely not...
[cell phone ringing]
367
00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:25,516
Because they're probably
not real.
368
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,040
Definitely.
The only thing we know is,
369
00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:28,432
we don't know
what we don't know.
370
00:14:28,476 --> 00:14:30,565
[distant]
It's most likely nothing...
371
00:14:30,608 --> 00:14:32,697
- Miles, my main man,
how's it going?
372
00:14:32,741 --> 00:14:37,093
- Hey, mate, I wish I could say
tip-top... lollipop,
373
00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:39,574
but it's far from that.
I'm screwed.
374
00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:42,229
I'm still waiting
for all the details, but
375
00:14:42,272 --> 00:14:44,100
during the faculty sweep,
376
00:14:44,144 --> 00:14:46,146
Stanford traced the IP address
377
00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:48,931
of my cyber sweetie Linda...
378
00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:50,672
to a high school.
379
00:14:50,715 --> 00:14:54,937
Turns out, I've been speaking
to a 16-year-old online.
380
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:57,287
And I've gotta go
on Oprah tomorrow
381
00:14:57,331 --> 00:15:00,160
and try and explain
all of that.
382
00:15:00,203 --> 00:15:01,465
I'm done.
383
00:15:01,509 --> 00:15:04,120
- Wow, yeah, no that's bad.
That's bad.
384
00:15:04,164 --> 00:15:05,992
You know, what can I say?
You know, some people
385
00:15:06,035 --> 00:15:09,125
make bad decisions
purely of their own accord
386
00:15:09,169 --> 00:15:10,605
and, you know,
they get punished.
387
00:15:10,648 --> 00:15:12,476
- No, sorry, Jack,
you don't understand.
388
00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:16,132
This is bad for you as well,
I'm afraid.
389
00:15:16,176 --> 00:15:18,178
I recommended you, so...
390
00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:21,442
Stanford's revoking the offer.
391
00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:22,922
I'm tainted,
392
00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:24,967
and I've tainted you.
393
00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:26,621
I've tainted you bad.
394
00:15:26,664 --> 00:15:28,188
[dramatic music]
395
00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:30,494
Stanford doesn't
want you anymore.
396
00:15:30,538 --> 00:15:33,062
♪
397
00:15:33,106 --> 00:15:36,370
- When you see
the thing behind Coach,
398
00:15:36,413 --> 00:15:39,721
just know that
you don't know what that is,
399
00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:41,505
and it's probably nothing.
400
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:44,030
- Because after all,
if it was a ghost,
401
00:15:44,073 --> 00:15:46,989
okay, I'm sure we would
have seen a sign by now.
402
00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:50,166
[Shellac's "The End of Radio"]
403
00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:51,776
- ♪ Can you hear me now?
404
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:54,736
♪
405
00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:56,172
- [screams]
406
00:15:56,216 --> 00:15:57,521
- [screams]
- Hell no!
407
00:15:57,565 --> 00:15:59,088
[overlapping shouting
and screaming]
408
00:15:59,132 --> 00:16:00,220
- Everybody stay calm!
409
00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:03,440
[all screaming and shouting]
410
00:16:03,484 --> 00:16:04,528
Oh, God!
411
00:16:04,572 --> 00:16:09,229
♪
412
00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:10,708
- ♪ Can you hear me now?
413
00:16:10,752 --> 00:16:12,014
♪
414
00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:13,407
♪ It's the end of radio
415
00:16:13,450 --> 00:16:15,931
♪
416
00:16:18,194 --> 00:16:18,586
.
417
00:16:18,629 --> 00:16:21,241
[Roger Miller's "The Last Word
in Lonesome is Me"]
418
00:16:21,284 --> 00:16:26,072
♪
419
00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:29,771
- ♪ The last word
420
00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:33,688
♪ In lonesome is me
421
00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:37,561
♪ The last word
422
00:16:37,605 --> 00:16:40,869
♪ In Lonesome is me...
423
00:16:40,912 --> 00:16:42,218
♪
424
00:16:42,262 --> 00:16:44,829
- No, we're still trying
to figure out who did it.
425
00:16:44,873 --> 00:16:46,309
No, I'm fine.
It was just--
426
00:16:46,353 --> 00:16:48,442
it was really scary.
427
00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:50,531
Okay. Okay.
Bye, Mom.
428
00:16:50,574 --> 00:16:52,098
[music fades]
429
00:16:52,141 --> 00:16:53,838
Jack, have a seat.
430
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:58,669
Uh, I am not a man
who likes to beg,
431
00:16:58,713 --> 00:17:00,628
but I'm really good at it,
432
00:17:00,671 --> 00:17:03,022
and, uh, I am begging you.
433
00:17:03,065 --> 00:17:05,589
Please, please,
stay at Whitlock.
434
00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:09,724
Okay, I can offer you the two
parking spaces from earlier,
435
00:17:09,767 --> 00:17:12,466
a BOGO certificate
to the school store,
436
00:17:12,509 --> 00:17:15,947
and...
uh...
437
00:17:15,991 --> 00:17:18,602
a surge protector.
438
00:17:19,995 --> 00:17:22,258
- Okay.
439
00:17:22,302 --> 00:17:24,478
- I--sorry, that worked?
440
00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:26,436
- Sure, Ralph.
I'll stay.
441
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,308
- We're--yes!
442
00:17:28,351 --> 00:17:30,223
Oh, my God,
this totally makes up
443
00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:34,053
for the literal bloodbath
that went down on my watch.
444
00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:36,142
[strains]
445
00:17:36,185 --> 00:17:37,143
Come on.
446
00:17:37,186 --> 00:17:38,927
Just one second.
447
00:17:38,970 --> 00:17:42,800
- ♪ The last word
448
00:17:42,844 --> 00:17:46,761
♪ In lonesome is me
449
00:17:46,804 --> 00:17:50,417
♪ The last word...
[buzzing]
450
00:17:50,460 --> 00:17:54,638
♪ In lonesome is me
451
00:17:54,682 --> 00:17:56,858
♪ My hearts is a--
452
00:17:57,554 --> 00:17:59,817
- But we were rid of you.
453
00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:02,777
- Nope.
454
00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:04,518
The dean of Stanford
found out about
455
00:18:04,561 --> 00:18:06,433
our Miles-Catfish mission
456
00:18:06,476 --> 00:18:08,130
and it came back
to bite me in the ass,
457
00:18:08,174 --> 00:18:11,220
so...it's over.
458
00:18:11,264 --> 00:18:12,439
I'm stuck here.
459
00:18:12,482 --> 00:18:14,005
[thuds]
460
00:18:14,049 --> 00:18:16,312
- Wow,
it's almost Shakespearean.
461
00:18:16,356 --> 00:18:17,574
You ruined yourself.
462
00:18:17,618 --> 00:18:19,968
- [sighs]
463
00:18:23,145 --> 00:18:25,582
- You know what
might cheer you up?
464
00:18:25,626 --> 00:18:27,149
A little revenge.
465
00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:29,978
Maybe we could do a good
old fashion Miles mission?
466
00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:32,154
- Oh, yeah,
I don't know if you saw,
467
00:18:32,198 --> 00:18:34,678
but Miles' Oprah interview
went really well,
468
00:18:34,722 --> 00:18:37,507
and he's about to get
his own show on her network.
469
00:18:37,551 --> 00:18:39,509
- Don't care.
470
00:18:40,815 --> 00:18:43,557
I'll just pop
one of these Advil PMs
471
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:45,428
and go to sleep.
472
00:18:45,472 --> 00:18:48,170
Let's see
if we can make today...
473
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:50,172
become tomorrow.
474
00:18:52,696 --> 00:18:54,307
- You said,
"There's no greater pick me up
475
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,352
than taking down someone
who's wronged you,"
476
00:18:56,396 --> 00:18:59,442
but now you're just gonna
sit there and do nothing?
477
00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:01,575
- Yep.
478
00:19:09,713 --> 00:19:13,152
- All right, what is
one quality that Miles has
479
00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:16,111
that Mr. Griffin doesn't?
480
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,504
He's British.
481
00:19:17,547 --> 00:19:20,420
Which means
he can get deported.
482
00:19:20,463 --> 00:19:23,597
And what's the number one
reason people get deported?
483
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,294
Exotic animal smuggling.
484
00:19:25,338 --> 00:19:28,167
All we have to do
is get illegal exotic animals,
485
00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:30,386
put them in his house,
call the feds,
486
00:19:30,430 --> 00:19:32,649
and, boom,
he's deported.
487
00:19:32,693 --> 00:19:35,913
[percussive music]
488
00:19:38,916 --> 00:19:40,875
- Where would you get
the animals?
489
00:19:40,918 --> 00:19:44,095
- Yo, my sketchy neighbor
breeds snakes.
490
00:19:44,139 --> 00:19:46,707
Yeah, he's always trying
to sell his python eggs.
491
00:19:51,581 --> 00:19:53,104
- Hmm.
492
00:19:53,148 --> 00:19:54,236
You know...
493
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,717
guys, there could be
something to this.
494
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:57,935
Give me that.
495
00:19:57,979 --> 00:20:00,329
While we're on takedowns.
496
00:20:00,373 --> 00:20:02,375
I'm putting that Stanford dean
on the list.
497
00:20:02,418 --> 00:20:04,638
Fricking hyena.
498
00:20:04,681 --> 00:20:07,075
- Oh, if we're making a list,
499
00:20:07,118 --> 00:20:09,382
can we put my karate teacher
on it?
500
00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:10,774
- What?
- He laughed
501
00:20:10,818 --> 00:20:13,560
when I fell
doing my roundhouse kick.
502
00:20:13,603 --> 00:20:15,257
- Guy does sound sucky.
503
00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:16,650
- The dictator at CVS
504
00:20:16,693 --> 00:20:19,261
won't let me buy
more than seven lighters.
505
00:20:19,305 --> 00:20:22,046
- Sure, let's get him.
He's toast.
506
00:20:22,090 --> 00:20:24,745
Oh, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup,
this should go without saying,
507
00:20:24,788 --> 00:20:27,400
but, uh, we're back to being
a no-bio zone.
508
00:20:27,443 --> 00:20:30,925
Why don't you go ahead and toss
that puppy in here, Sarika.
509
00:20:30,968 --> 00:20:33,406
Let's go.
510
00:20:33,449 --> 00:20:36,844
Yep.
There we go.
511
00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:45,679
[chuckles]
512
00:20:45,722 --> 00:20:47,158
Yeah.
513
00:20:47,202 --> 00:20:50,379
All right, now we're cooking.
What else we got?
514
00:20:50,423 --> 00:20:53,600
- My grandpa insists
on cutting my hair.
515
00:20:53,643 --> 00:20:55,036
- Oh, that's no good.
516
00:20:55,079 --> 00:20:57,560
- My dentist
is making me get braces,
517
00:20:57,604 --> 00:20:59,606
but I don't think I need them.
518
00:20:59,649 --> 00:21:01,434
[rock music]
519
00:21:01,477 --> 00:21:03,784
Keep 'em coming.
Who else?
520
00:21:03,827 --> 00:21:05,655
- Coach Novak
for making me do pushups.
521
00:21:05,699 --> 00:21:07,178
- The lunch lady
with the beard.
522
00:21:07,222 --> 00:21:09,224
- Denzel Washington,
but also just to meet him.
523
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,661
- Denzel.
- The kid in the cafeteria
524
00:21:11,705 --> 00:21:13,359
who keeps flicking my nipples.
525
00:21:13,402 --> 00:21:16,187
[overlapping chatter]
526
00:21:16,231 --> 00:21:19,408
- ♪ Breakin' rocks
in the hot sun ♪
527
00:21:19,452 --> 00:21:22,977
♪ I fought the law
and the law won ♪
37838
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