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1
00:00:01,610 --> 00:00:01,827
.
2
00:00:01,871 --> 00:00:05,309
[soft jazzy music]
3
00:00:05,353 --> 00:00:07,311
- My girl Oprah
coming through with
4
00:00:07,355 --> 00:00:09,487
yet another dope rec.
5
00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:12,490
- I know they say don't judge a
book by its cover, but [grunts]
6
00:00:12,534 --> 00:00:14,840
this book jacket got me feeling
some kind of way.
7
00:00:14,884 --> 00:00:16,842
- I got so flushed reading
the "about the author" that
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00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:19,193
when Keith came home, I threw
the book in my naughty drawer.
9
00:00:19,236 --> 00:00:20,846
Both: Ooh.
- Get it, Michelle.
10
00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:22,239
- What else you got in there?
11
00:00:22,283 --> 00:00:24,024
- Well, my naughty drawer's
just really actually
12
00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:25,503
Keith's normal
underwear drawer.
13
00:00:25,547 --> 00:00:27,418
Nothing gets
my pizza oven fired up
14
00:00:27,462 --> 00:00:29,333
quite like my hubby's undies.
[soft laugh]
15
00:00:29,377 --> 00:00:33,163
- Ooh, I respect that
you know what works for you.
16
00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:34,425
- Yeah.
- Yes.
17
00:00:34,469 --> 00:00:35,513
- Jack, you're always
reading in here.
18
00:00:35,557 --> 00:00:36,949
Want to join our book club?
19
00:00:36,993 --> 00:00:38,386
- Oh, you should.
20
00:00:38,429 --> 00:00:40,692
We're reading
"The Question Is the Answer"
21
00:00:40,736 --> 00:00:44,131
by this hot buttered crumpet
named Miles Leonard.
22
00:00:44,174 --> 00:00:45,306
both: Ooh.
23
00:00:45,349 --> 00:00:46,742
- I think you would
like it, Jack.
24
00:00:46,785 --> 00:00:48,396
It's philosophy, but
there's, like, a point to it.
25
00:00:48,439 --> 00:00:50,311
- And how, pray tell,
did you come by
26
00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:51,877
this fine piece of literature?
27
00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:53,575
- It was Oprah's book club pick
this month.
28
00:00:53,618 --> 00:00:55,490
She says the best place
to read it is, quote...
29
00:00:55,533 --> 00:00:57,883
[as Oprah]
"on a beach that you own."
30
00:00:57,927 --> 00:00:59,320
- Okay.
[laughter]
31
00:00:59,363 --> 00:01:01,278
- And you just
follow along blindly, huh?
32
00:01:01,322 --> 00:01:02,671
Is that it?
33
00:01:02,714 --> 00:01:04,325
Well, listen to me,
and listen well, okay?
34
00:01:04,368 --> 00:01:07,589
Philosophy is not
a popularity contest, okay?
35
00:01:07,632 --> 00:01:10,070
It is a precise and rigorous
expression
36
00:01:10,113 --> 00:01:11,506
of universal truths.
37
00:01:11,549 --> 00:01:13,073
Yeah?
It's not about
38
00:01:13,116 --> 00:01:14,596
who's "getting good buzz"
and who's on TV
39
00:01:14,639 --> 00:01:16,815
on the stupid Oprah sho--
you know what?
40
00:01:16,859 --> 00:01:18,295
You've ruined my empanada!
41
00:01:18,339 --> 00:01:20,776
- Damn, could've just said no.
42
00:01:20,819 --> 00:01:22,212
- Hey, Jack, guess what?
43
00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:23,300
Oh, you're in a bad mood.
Cool beans.
44
00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:24,606
I'll tell you later.
45
00:01:24,649 --> 00:01:25,868
- What are you gonna
tell him later, Ralph?
46
00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:27,217
Is it a private medical thing?
47
00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:28,958
- No, he does not let me
48
00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:30,133
share that stuff with him.
49
00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:31,917
But, ladies,
50
00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:36,183
I am a finalist for Innovative
Principal of the Year.
51
00:01:36,226 --> 00:01:37,575
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, I'm so proud!
52
00:01:37,619 --> 00:01:39,664
[all encouraging]
- A little bit awesome.
53
00:01:39,708 --> 00:01:42,363
Just a little bit of good news
during a rough year,
54
00:01:42,406 --> 00:01:44,974
you know, with my
marriage collapsing and...
55
00:01:45,017 --> 00:01:46,628
- Uh, boo.
No, please.
56
00:01:46,671 --> 00:01:48,412
Durbs, don't bum us out
while we're trying to dance.
57
00:01:48,456 --> 00:01:51,285
- Okay, you guys, well,
while I have you on pause,
58
00:01:51,328 --> 00:01:53,548
this superintendent
and her crew
59
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:56,159
are coming tomorrow to observe
the school and me.
60
00:01:56,203 --> 00:01:58,466
So if each of you
could put together
61
00:01:58,509 --> 00:02:00,424
an out-of-the-box presentation,
62
00:02:00,468 --> 00:02:02,600
something big,
something memorable,
63
00:02:02,644 --> 00:02:04,124
something tied into
your subject...
64
00:02:04,167 --> 00:02:06,387
- Mm-hmm.
- Would really appreciate it.
65
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,128
- Ohh,
I know what I'ma do.
66
00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:10,260
- What is it?
- Girl, I'm not telling.
67
00:02:10,304 --> 00:02:12,132
You gotta get your own thing.
68
00:02:12,175 --> 00:02:13,481
- Ooh, we got you, Durb.
69
00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:15,135
We got you.
- Oh, I love it. I love it.
70
00:02:15,178 --> 00:02:17,659
And if I win, I'm gonna
take you all to Bennigan's.
71
00:02:17,702 --> 00:02:20,705
- Oh! You swear?
- Hit it out the park!
72
00:02:20,749 --> 00:02:23,055
- ♪ Next time
I'll listen to my heart ♪
73
00:02:23,099 --> 00:02:26,102
♪ Next time,
well, I'll be smart ♪
74
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:33,327
♪
75
00:02:33,675 --> 00:02:36,721
[clock ticking]
76
00:02:40,508 --> 00:02:43,380
- We definitely
shouldn't open it. Right?
77
00:02:43,424 --> 00:02:45,861
- But what if it's presents?
78
00:02:45,904 --> 00:02:48,168
[sighs] I'm going for it.
79
00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:50,692
[drawer opens]
80
00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:07,752
Fetal pigs!
81
00:03:07,796 --> 00:03:09,014
[upbeat music]
82
00:03:09,058 --> 00:03:11,887
- Oh, my God.
[happy clamoring]
83
00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:13,541
- This is so great.
84
00:03:13,584 --> 00:03:16,196
I've been waiting my whole life
to dissect a fetal pig.
85
00:03:16,239 --> 00:03:17,545
- [sniffs]
- Mr. Griffin must be
86
00:03:17,588 --> 00:03:19,634
rewarding us for being
good little angels.
87
00:03:19,677 --> 00:03:21,505
Everything's starting
to go my way.
88
00:03:21,549 --> 00:03:22,811
- Think these pigs
went to Hell?
89
00:03:22,854 --> 00:03:24,247
- Looks like
there's only eight.
90
00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:25,379
Eight piggy presents.
91
00:03:25,422 --> 00:03:26,467
We're gonna have to pair up.
92
00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:28,033
- Oh.
- Oh, okay.
93
00:03:28,077 --> 00:03:30,210
- Hey, Dan.
You want to team up?
94
00:03:30,253 --> 00:03:32,212
My dad owns a butcher shop, so
95
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:34,518
I know my way around
the inside of a pig.
96
00:03:34,562 --> 00:03:37,042
- Uh, yeah, I'm down.
97
00:03:37,086 --> 00:03:38,174
- [sniffs]
98
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,175
- Where does Oprah even got off
99
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,437
endorsing Miles' book?
100
00:03:40,481 --> 00:03:43,223
It's insane.
Unbelievable.
101
00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:44,789
It's got Stedman
written all over it.
102
00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:45,790
That's who it was.
103
00:03:45,834 --> 00:03:46,922
Get out--
104
00:03:48,619 --> 00:03:50,708
- Oh, I set up a Google Alert
so we can stay on top of Miles.
105
00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:53,537
Printed that out for you, boss.
- Oh.
106
00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:55,844
Well, thank you, Heather.
Nice.
107
00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:58,760
What is that god-awful smell?
Is that meth?
108
00:03:58,803 --> 00:04:00,892
I swear, the wind
blows the wrong way in Ohio
109
00:04:00,936 --> 00:04:02,285
you get that meth whiff.
110
00:04:02,329 --> 00:04:03,721
- The fetal pigs are here.
111
00:04:03,765 --> 00:04:05,245
We've already paired up and
112
00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:06,550
we'll dissect them
really quietly.
113
00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:07,899
You wouldn't even
have to do anything.
114
00:04:07,943 --> 00:04:09,205
- Absolutely not.
115
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,511
You guys are not
doing a lab in my class.
116
00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:12,817
- But we've been
good little angels.
117
00:04:12,861 --> 00:04:14,950
- No, you know what
we've got here?
118
00:04:14,993 --> 00:04:16,081
A Miles mission.
119
00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:17,692
[all sigh]
120
00:04:17,735 --> 00:04:19,824
- Please let us dissect them,
Mr. Griffin.
121
00:04:19,868 --> 00:04:23,524
- Yeah, boss, you know how much
I love sticking it to Miles,
122
00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:25,787
but this kind of means a lot.
123
00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:27,658
- This is literally
all I've got.
124
00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:29,399
- I'm sorry.
What I'm gonna do is
125
00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:31,358
take these little piglets, and
I'm gonna send them to Miles.
126
00:04:31,401 --> 00:04:34,186
Totally freak him out. It's
a truly perfect Miles mission.
127
00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:35,362
- Mailing him pigs?
128
00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:37,407
Feels like it's missing
a twist.
129
00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:39,714
- Uh, Marcus, shut up.
It's--it's a solid plan.
130
00:04:39,757 --> 00:04:41,237
- Yeah, I don't know,
Mr. Griffin,
131
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,760
I feel like maybe
this needs a twist.
132
00:04:42,804 --> 00:04:44,675
- A twist?
133
00:04:44,719 --> 00:04:47,025
Twist.
Yeah, good point, Dan.
134
00:04:47,069 --> 00:04:49,898
- I said it, twist...
- This could use a twist.
135
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:51,421
All right, let me go
think about this.
136
00:04:51,465 --> 00:04:54,337
Twist, yeah.
Have a good night, dudes.
137
00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:57,340
[suspenseful music]
138
00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:58,428
♪
139
00:04:58,472 --> 00:05:01,388
[bell ringing]
140
00:05:01,431 --> 00:05:02,345
♪
141
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:06,349
[cell phone chiming]
142
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:07,611
- Go for Chops.
143
00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:09,134
- Chops, it's Jack.
144
00:05:09,178 --> 00:05:10,745
Our task rabbit's all set.
145
00:05:10,788 --> 00:05:12,529
The box of pigs
should arrive today,
146
00:05:12,573 --> 00:05:14,009
along with the T-shirt cannon,
147
00:05:14,052 --> 00:05:15,967
which really brings
the whole plan to life.
148
00:05:16,011 --> 00:05:18,535
I need you to fire in
the direction of Miles Leonard,
149
00:05:18,579 --> 00:05:20,058
whose address I've included.
150
00:05:20,102 --> 00:05:21,408
Really terrify him.
151
00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:24,236
- Can I just say
this is, like, straight-up
152
00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,326
the sickest task
I've ever had to rabbit.
153
00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:29,503
So, like, you're giving me
life right now, you feel me?
154
00:05:29,546 --> 00:05:31,461
- Yeah, just get it done.
155
00:05:31,505 --> 00:05:33,333
- Hey, Jack, Jack?
A quick word?
156
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:35,944
- Yeah.
- ...fire that.
157
00:05:35,987 --> 00:05:37,467
And then we'll just,
like, ghost on that.
158
00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:39,948
Hello?
Hello?
159
00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:42,733
- Yeah, what's up, Ralph?
- Well, I--I'm not really sure.
160
00:05:42,777 --> 00:05:45,083
Overnight, I got this
anonymous note
161
00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:50,480
saying that you had cancelled
the fetal pig dissection.
162
00:05:50,524 --> 00:05:53,353
- Who sent you this
absurd accusation?
163
00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:55,267
- Regardless of who sent it,
is it true?
164
00:05:55,311 --> 00:05:56,660
- Is it true?
No.
165
00:05:56,704 --> 00:05:59,184
Why--why--why would I
cancel the dissection, man?
166
00:05:59,228 --> 00:06:01,491
- I don't know, but
it would be really bad timing
167
00:06:01,535 --> 00:06:03,014
because the superintendent's
coming.
168
00:06:03,058 --> 00:06:04,886
- Really?
Why?
169
00:06:04,929 --> 00:06:06,322
- It's--I--
170
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,412
well, I'm up for Innovative
Principal of the Year.
171
00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:10,935
You didn't know that?
- You are?
172
00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:13,895
- Listen, I planned
to end her tour
173
00:06:13,938 --> 00:06:17,202
with a live fetal pig
dissection
174
00:06:17,246 --> 00:06:19,291
by a former Harvard professor.
175
00:06:19,335 --> 00:06:20,684
- Wait, so she's
coming to my class?
176
00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:22,425
Tomorrow?
To observe?
177
00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:24,688
- Yeah.
Oh, I can't wait.
178
00:06:24,732 --> 00:06:26,864
I still can't
for the life of me
179
00:06:26,908 --> 00:06:28,692
figure out
what this note means.
180
00:06:28,736 --> 00:06:30,694
- Well, I'll tell you
what it means.
181
00:06:30,738 --> 00:06:33,610
You got pranked, my friend.
[chuckles]
182
00:06:33,654 --> 00:06:35,220
But I'm gonna find out
who the culprit is.
183
00:06:35,264 --> 00:06:36,613
Believe me, yeah.
184
00:06:36,657 --> 00:06:39,355
Look at me, Ralph.
185
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:43,533
I'm gonna kill
whoever pranked you.
186
00:06:43,577 --> 00:06:45,317
- We're not supposed to
kill the students.
187
00:06:45,361 --> 00:06:47,276
- Shh.
188
00:06:47,319 --> 00:06:49,626
Hey, it's Jack.
Call me back.
189
00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:51,236
I need you to return
the dead pigs.
190
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:54,414
I repeat, do not blast
the dead baby pigs
191
00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:56,328
at my British nemesis.
192
00:06:56,372 --> 00:06:57,591
[yells]
What?
193
00:06:57,634 --> 00:06:59,636
[brooding dramatic music]
194
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,508
We have a rat.
195
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:07,992
♪
196
00:07:10,473 --> 00:07:10,691
.
197
00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:12,432
[suspenseful music]
198
00:07:12,475 --> 00:07:15,043
- [chuckling]
199
00:07:15,826 --> 00:07:17,219
Oh, and you'll see
what I mean, too.
200
00:07:17,262 --> 00:07:19,308
- Uh-huh.
Yes.
201
00:07:19,351 --> 00:07:24,226
Oh--oh, well, I am so sorry
to hear about your catastrophe.
202
00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:27,708
Yes, Principal Durbin will be
there on Wednesday to help.
203
00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:31,538
Yes, and he--he will bring
clean water to your village.
204
00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:33,061
Uh-huh.
For sure.
205
00:07:33,104 --> 00:07:34,932
All right,
Thursday at the latest.
206
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:36,064
Take care.
Bye.
207
00:07:36,107 --> 00:07:38,893
Superintendent Bullard!
208
00:07:38,936 --> 00:07:40,721
You look smooth.
209
00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:42,549
- Ellen.
Always a pleasure.
210
00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:46,901
- We're so dal-gone excited
for you to be here and...
211
00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:48,337
I gotta say...
212
00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,339
[whispers]
You find me a better guy
213
00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:52,428
than Principal Durbin
and I will find you
214
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:56,258
a guy who is on, like,
Seal Team Six or something,
215
00:07:56,301 --> 00:07:59,914
because that is the guy!
216
00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:03,091
Hey, oh,
they took your doo-hickies off.
217
00:08:03,134 --> 00:08:04,440
- My leg braces?
218
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,921
Yeah, uh,
I'm fully ambulatory now.
219
00:08:06,964 --> 00:08:09,097
- Oh, congrats.
- Good Christ, Helen.
220
00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:11,229
[exhales]
Superintendent Bullard,
221
00:08:11,273 --> 00:08:13,884
I--I am so excited
to show you around.
222
00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:15,277
- We're excited to see
223
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,713
the innovative school
you've created.
224
00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:20,500
- Oh, well, our teachers
think outside the box,
225
00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:22,719
so brace yourself.
226
00:08:22,763 --> 00:08:24,373
Mm.
227
00:08:24,416 --> 00:08:26,810
Sorry.
- [clears throat]
228
00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:29,073
- Oh, you think
you got me, huh?
229
00:08:29,117 --> 00:08:30,074
[brooding music]
230
00:08:30,118 --> 00:08:31,249
One of you rats me out,
231
00:08:31,293 --> 00:08:32,555
you're all sitting there
thinking,
232
00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:35,645
"I got him. I won."
233
00:08:35,689 --> 00:08:37,604
Well, know this.
234
00:08:37,647 --> 00:08:40,041
I won't be made
to look like a fool
235
00:08:40,084 --> 00:08:41,695
in front of anyone.
236
00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,435
Certainly not some
237
00:08:43,479 --> 00:08:46,482
Midwest superintendent
with a degree from a
238
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:49,616
religious liberal arts college.
239
00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:52,314
♪
240
00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:55,491
Now, one of you is gonna
come forward and confess,
241
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,581
or you're all missing
your next class.
242
00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:04,413
♪
243
00:09:04,456 --> 00:09:06,589
Now, one of you sinned.
244
00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:09,200
Ya sinned real bad.
245
00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:13,553
Anything you want to admit,
Vic?
246
00:09:13,596 --> 00:09:15,859
- I got a boner
when we learned CPR.
247
00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:18,427
- Oh.
Gross.
248
00:09:18,470 --> 00:09:19,820
How'd your partner
feel about that?
249
00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:22,518
- Well, I think she, like--
- Never mind, I--
250
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:23,737
Don't tell me.
I don't want to know.
251
00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:25,173
♪
252
00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:27,610
I've got all the time
in the world, guys.
253
00:09:27,654 --> 00:09:30,700
♪
254
00:09:30,744 --> 00:09:33,094
Looks like I'm gonna
have to turn up the heat.
255
00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:36,097
♪
256
00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:37,664
- [clears throat]
257
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:39,753
This is Stef Duncan,
258
00:09:39,796 --> 00:09:42,190
a phenomenal history teacher
259
00:09:42,233 --> 00:09:45,062
who endeavors to prove
that if we're not careful,
260
00:09:45,106 --> 00:09:48,152
the past can become the future.
261
00:09:48,196 --> 00:09:49,850
- Thank you, Principal Durbin.
262
00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:54,028
All right, now the year
is A.D. 79.
263
00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:55,682
I now present...
264
00:09:55,725 --> 00:09:57,466
Mount Vesuvius.
[rousing music]
265
00:09:57,509 --> 00:09:59,337
- [soft chuckle]
Oh, Vesuvius.
266
00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:01,209
I'm sure everything's
gonna be okay.
267
00:10:01,252 --> 00:10:02,689
Or will it?
268
00:10:02,732 --> 00:10:06,518
♪
269
00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:08,303
[fizzing]
270
00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:11,219
- Oh, no.
What is this, lava?
271
00:10:11,262 --> 00:10:13,221
"Ow, mama, my toga's burning."
272
00:10:13,264 --> 00:10:15,049
"Oh, my God, I'm dying."
273
00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:16,311
"Too much lava."
274
00:10:16,354 --> 00:10:18,226
What about the horses?
275
00:10:18,269 --> 00:10:20,663
"Oh, no, my sandals."
276
00:10:21,272 --> 00:10:24,014
[brooding music]
277
00:10:24,058 --> 00:10:27,757
- [smacking]
I'll ask you nicely
278
00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:31,021
one more time.
279
00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:32,806
Are you the rat?
280
00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:36,679
- Oh, God, please, stop.
281
00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:38,768
♪
282
00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:42,119
- Admit it was you
or your bio textbook gets it.
283
00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:43,251
♪
284
00:10:43,294 --> 00:10:45,557
Huh?
Fine.
285
00:10:45,601 --> 00:10:47,429
Guess we'll never know
the definition of...
286
00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:49,605
"heterozygous advantage."
287
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,432
Redacted.
288
00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:51,433
- I don't know anything!
289
00:10:51,476 --> 00:10:53,000
- You know everything!
290
00:10:53,043 --> 00:11:00,224
♪
291
00:11:02,487 --> 00:11:05,926
- That was the most devastating
moment of my entire life.
292
00:11:05,969 --> 00:11:07,101
- For real?
293
00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:10,234
Girl, you need to
read Anne Frank.
294
00:11:10,278 --> 00:11:13,237
[jaunty chamber music]
295
00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:15,457
- When you think of art,
296
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:17,851
think of
the three important M's:
297
00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:21,724
Manet, Monet, and Mar-ray.
298
00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:22,812
And who's Mar-ray?
299
00:11:22,856 --> 00:11:25,119
Why, it's art teacher
extraordinaire
300
00:11:25,162 --> 00:11:26,381
Mary Wagner.
301
00:11:26,424 --> 00:11:28,426
Art is a feast
302
00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:30,951
that you cook
in your mind oven
303
00:11:30,994 --> 00:11:34,911
and serve on your heart plate.
304
00:11:34,955 --> 00:11:35,912
[clears throat]
305
00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:37,305
I like art.
306
00:11:37,348 --> 00:11:38,872
Take it away, Mary.
307
00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:41,091
- Thank you, Principal Durbin.
308
00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:43,137
Art is beautiful.
309
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:44,660
Art is intense.
310
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,315
It's provocative.
It's subversive.
311
00:11:47,358 --> 00:11:51,319
And sometimes it can be...
312
00:11:51,362 --> 00:11:54,148
explosive.
313
00:11:54,191 --> 00:11:55,889
- Another volcano, huh?
314
00:11:55,932 --> 00:11:57,760
Okay.
315
00:11:57,804 --> 00:12:01,068
♪
316
00:12:01,111 --> 00:12:02,504
[fizzing]
317
00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:03,984
- I added sparkles.
318
00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:05,812
[soft laugh]
Ya welcome.
319
00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:09,554
♪
320
00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:13,254
- [playing saxophone badly]
321
00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:18,694
♪
322
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,001
- Louder.
323
00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:22,263
Jazzier.
324
00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:23,743
♪
325
00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:25,527
You can stop this
at any moment.
326
00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:29,270
You know, people say
they like jazz, but they don't.
327
00:12:29,313 --> 00:12:30,488
They don't.
328
00:12:30,532 --> 00:12:33,361
Less discernible melody!
329
00:12:33,404 --> 00:12:35,537
Yeah.
You guys like that?
330
00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:37,800
Can't pick out
any of the notes.
331
00:12:37,844 --> 00:12:40,672
That's great, man.
That sucks.
332
00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:43,197
.
333
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:45,677
- Unlike other schools,
where they
334
00:12:45,721 --> 00:12:47,244
dress up like broccoli
and rap about diet,
335
00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:50,726
we here at Whitlock
treat health like a real class.
336
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,641
Take it away, Mrs. Jones.
337
00:12:52,684 --> 00:12:54,686
- Don't tell me what to do.
338
00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:56,601
You're not my dad!
339
00:12:56,645 --> 00:12:58,212
I have a crush
on the track captain
340
00:12:58,255 --> 00:12:59,866
and I'm addicted to
e-cigarettes!
341
00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:02,694
[breathes heavily]
342
00:13:02,738 --> 00:13:04,696
That's what it's like
to be a teenager.
343
00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:06,829
So many emotions bottled up,
344
00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:09,701
and you have to express
them all in a healthy way,
345
00:13:09,745 --> 00:13:11,747
even the negative ones.
346
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,967
- Oh, thank you, Mrs. Jones.
347
00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:15,664
- Or what can happen is...
348
00:13:15,707 --> 00:13:18,362
[music builds]
349
00:13:18,406 --> 00:13:19,363
- Oh, my God.
350
00:13:19,407 --> 00:13:23,019
- A volcano!
351
00:13:23,063 --> 00:13:24,586
[liquid pours]
Ooh.
352
00:13:24,629 --> 00:13:27,545
[fizzing]
Whoa!
353
00:13:27,589 --> 00:13:32,289
[excited groaning]
354
00:13:36,641 --> 00:13:39,601
[sinister music]
355
00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:42,604
♪
356
00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:44,040
- Unless the rat comes forward,
357
00:13:44,084 --> 00:13:45,737
I will pick a phone at random
358
00:13:45,781 --> 00:13:47,827
and start reading
your search history out loud.
359
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:49,567
- Just to get ahead of it,
360
00:13:49,611 --> 00:13:52,701
"ISIS" is also the name of a
junior women's bowling league.
361
00:13:52,744 --> 00:13:55,269
♪
362
00:13:55,312 --> 00:13:56,705
- Hey, that's mine, dude.
363
00:13:56,748 --> 00:13:58,011
And I'm not giving you
my passcode.
364
00:13:58,054 --> 00:13:59,795
- Oh, really?
[scoffs]
365
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,492
That's too bad.
366
00:14:01,536 --> 00:14:02,711
- Yo, what the hell?
367
00:14:02,754 --> 00:14:04,800
- [shouting]
Who is the rat?
368
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,889
♪
369
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:09,413
[phone buzzing]
370
00:14:09,457 --> 00:14:11,459
Yello?
- Jack attack.
371
00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:14,288
Got your message.
Bad news though, papi.
372
00:14:14,331 --> 00:14:16,072
The pigs are already gone.
373
00:14:16,116 --> 00:14:17,639
- Wait, you used them on Miles?
374
00:14:17,682 --> 00:14:19,510
Was he freaked?
- Uh, no dude.
375
00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:22,252
So it turns out the cannon
is kind of specifically
376
00:14:22,296 --> 00:14:24,776
calibrated for
one type of ammunition.
377
00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:27,083
And that ammunition
is T-shirts
378
00:14:27,127 --> 00:14:29,651
and is not pigs.
379
00:14:29,694 --> 00:14:31,348
So I tried to fire
pigs out of it.
380
00:14:31,392 --> 00:14:34,612
They kind of just 'sploded
on the inside of it.
381
00:14:34,656 --> 00:14:36,963
- Okay, so you're telling me
that the mission failed
382
00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:38,834
and the pigs are destroyed?
383
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,183
- I mean, I don't
like to think of it...
384
00:14:40,227 --> 00:14:41,750
- Did you say
the pigs are destroyed?
385
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,143
We can't do the lab?
386
00:14:43,186 --> 00:14:44,753
- Heather, relax.
387
00:14:44,796 --> 00:14:45,928
- It was me.
388
00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:48,539
I'm the rat!
- It was you?
389
00:14:48,583 --> 00:14:52,848
Why didn't you say that an hour
ago before he threw my phone?
390
00:14:57,461 --> 00:14:59,376
[door opens, shuts]
391
00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:01,813
[pensive jazzy music]
392
00:15:01,857 --> 00:15:03,511
- I mean--
Dave, this does nothing for me.
393
00:15:03,554 --> 00:15:04,860
Do you understand that?
394
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,514
You went with
your first thought.
395
00:15:06,557 --> 00:15:08,298
- But I'm the geology teacher.
396
00:15:08,342 --> 00:15:10,997
I'm the only one
it makes sense for.
397
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,564
- You boned me, Dave.
Go take a lap.
398
00:15:13,608 --> 00:15:15,653
Yeah.
Go.
399
00:15:15,697 --> 00:15:16,872
- Eh.
400
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,179
- Don't "eh" me.
401
00:15:19,222 --> 00:15:20,006
- Kfft.
402
00:15:20,049 --> 00:15:22,312
- And don't "kfft" either.
403
00:15:24,053 --> 00:15:24,924
- Ralph.
404
00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:26,142
We just wanted to say
405
00:15:26,186 --> 00:15:28,275
we're really sorry
we let you down.
406
00:15:28,318 --> 00:15:30,190
- Why did you all
do the same thing?
407
00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:31,887
- Well, we didn't plan to,
but we all
408
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,062
learned how to make
volcanoes at the same
409
00:15:33,106 --> 00:15:34,803
teachers' conference
last summer.
410
00:15:34,846 --> 00:15:36,370
all: Ohio Teach-tastic!
411
00:15:36,413 --> 00:15:39,068
- Yes, and it all was a hit
for the teachers there,
412
00:15:39,112 --> 00:15:41,375
so we figured
that it would help you win.
413
00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:43,203
- I understand, okay?
But I really need
414
00:15:43,246 --> 00:15:45,031
Jack to nail
this dissection tomorrow.
415
00:15:45,074 --> 00:15:47,598
I mean, he and Coach
and basically my last hope.
416
00:15:47,642 --> 00:15:50,688
- Make way for the
volleyball-cano!
417
00:15:50,732 --> 00:15:51,907
Ralph.
418
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:55,389
[tense music]
419
00:15:55,432 --> 00:15:58,958
- I can't believe
Heather was the rat.
420
00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:02,744
Stay here, guys.
I'ma go take care of this.
421
00:16:02,787 --> 00:16:04,006
[door opens]
422
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,399
- If Mr. Griffin can't
get the pigs back,
423
00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:06,922
how are we gonna
perform the dissection
424
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,576
in front of
the superintendent tomorrow?
425
00:16:08,619 --> 00:16:10,012
- We won't.
426
00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:11,144
[rousing music]
427
00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:12,536
He'll make a
fool out of himself.
428
00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:15,452
And then we'll get
a new teacher by Monday.
429
00:16:15,496 --> 00:16:17,237
Heather's a genius.
430
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,326
[soft laugh]
431
00:16:19,369 --> 00:16:23,939
♪
432
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,854
- What in the hell
are you doing?
433
00:16:25,897 --> 00:16:27,595
You know, I'm the one
who should be mad.
434
00:16:27,638 --> 00:16:28,813
You betrayed me.
435
00:16:28,857 --> 00:16:30,641
- You ruined everything!
436
00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:31,642
- The hell
are you talking about?
437
00:16:31,686 --> 00:16:32,948
You wrote the note.
438
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,080
And by the way,
this is Michelle's car.
439
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:35,603
Mine's across the lot.
440
00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:37,039
- God, you don't get it!
441
00:16:37,083 --> 00:16:39,346
You ruined my shot with Dan.
442
00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:41,043
- Wait--Dan Decker?
443
00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:43,915
- Before you cancelled the lab,
me and Dan were partnered up.
444
00:16:43,959 --> 00:16:45,352
We were gonna
spend the whole week
445
00:16:45,395 --> 00:16:47,136
carving up pigs and
falling for each other.
446
00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:48,964
- Hold on a second.
So you betrayed me
447
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,879
for some stupid
high school crush?
448
00:16:50,922 --> 00:16:52,794
- This was my chance
to show him something
449
00:16:52,837 --> 00:16:54,709
that I'm really good at.
450
00:16:54,752 --> 00:16:56,276
And now you screwed it all up.
451
00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:57,886
- Yeah, well now
we're both screwed,
452
00:16:57,929 --> 00:16:59,409
'cause I gotta go find
something else to dissect
453
00:16:59,453 --> 00:17:02,847
or, thanks to you, I'm gonna
look like a fool tomorrow.
454
00:17:02,891 --> 00:17:06,068
You know, I might have
hurt you on accident,
455
00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:07,548
but you hurt me on purpose.
456
00:17:07,591 --> 00:17:10,551
[light music]
457
00:17:10,594 --> 00:17:14,250
♪
458
00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:16,209
.
459
00:17:16,252 --> 00:17:19,255
[clock ticking]
460
00:17:19,299 --> 00:17:21,649
[door opens]
- All right, everyone shut up.
461
00:17:21,692 --> 00:17:23,433
Uh, apologies in advance
462
00:17:23,477 --> 00:17:26,610
for the brutal condition
of this squirrel.
463
00:17:26,654 --> 00:17:28,264
Didn't really have--
464
00:17:29,178 --> 00:17:31,093
All right,
what's the story here?
465
00:17:32,181 --> 00:17:34,923
This thing's beautiful.
Organs all intact.
466
00:17:34,966 --> 00:17:37,795
Professionally butchered.
467
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:39,101
Ah.
468
00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:41,886
- I stole it
from my dad's shop, boss.
469
00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:43,105
- [soft laugh]
[knocking on door]
470
00:17:43,149 --> 00:17:44,498
- Knock knock, Jack.
471
00:17:44,541 --> 00:17:45,890
Here to bring the
superintendent's tour
472
00:17:45,934 --> 00:17:47,153
to a close.
473
00:17:47,196 --> 00:17:49,155
We've all got high hopes
for this one.
474
00:17:49,198 --> 00:17:50,634
- Of course.
Welcome, everyone.
475
00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:53,246
- Oh, please tell me
this isn't a pig volcano.
476
00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:55,509
- A what?
- Pig volcano.
477
00:17:55,552 --> 00:17:57,989
- I'm so sorry.
I'm hearing "pig volcano."
478
00:17:58,033 --> 00:18:01,297
- I was told this would be
a fetal pig dissection.
479
00:18:01,341 --> 00:18:02,820
This is a full-grown hog.
480
00:18:02,864 --> 00:18:05,301
- Uh, yes.
Well, um,
481
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:07,434
piglets' organs
are much too small
482
00:18:07,477 --> 00:18:10,132
to be properly observed
by the untrained eye.
483
00:18:10,176 --> 00:18:12,656
But Principal Durbin
gives us a lot of freedom,
484
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:14,528
which Aristotle defines as
485
00:18:14,571 --> 00:18:17,835
"obedience to
self-formulated rules."
486
00:18:17,879 --> 00:18:19,185
Now, that...
487
00:18:19,228 --> 00:18:20,664
That's innovation.
488
00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:22,144
Very innovative, yeah.
489
00:18:22,188 --> 00:18:23,928
So, shall we begin?
490
00:18:23,972 --> 00:18:25,495
All right.
491
00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:28,237
Welcome to A.P. Bio.
Let's begin the dissection.
492
00:18:28,281 --> 00:18:31,980
Heather, if you'd care
to assist the demonstration?
493
00:18:32,023 --> 00:18:34,983
- Sure thing, Mr. Griffin.
- Mm-hmm.
494
00:18:35,026 --> 00:18:36,680
- All right.
Now, keep in mind
495
00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:39,118
this can be an
emotionally difficult process,
496
00:18:39,161 --> 00:18:40,858
especially if you are
working with a pig
497
00:18:40,902 --> 00:18:42,164
that you yourself raised.
498
00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:43,774
First thing you're gonna do
499
00:18:43,818 --> 00:18:44,862
is hack off the snout.
500
00:18:44,906 --> 00:18:46,037
It goes directly in the trash.
501
00:18:46,081 --> 00:18:47,343
The customers do not want that,
502
00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:48,518
unless they're French.
503
00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:50,172
[knife whacks]
[all gasp]
504
00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:51,608
[snout thudding]
505
00:18:51,652 --> 00:18:54,133
- I'm sorry.
Uh, did you say "customers"?
506
00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:55,351
- Yeppers.
507
00:18:55,395 --> 00:18:56,700
Next we're gonna
hack off the hooves.
508
00:18:56,744 --> 00:18:58,702
Those also go
directly in the trash.
509
00:18:58,746 --> 00:19:00,008
[knife whacks]
510
00:19:00,051 --> 00:19:02,837
[militaristic music]
511
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:06,188
♪
512
00:19:06,232 --> 00:19:07,537
- Mr. Griffin.
513
00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:09,191
Maybe you could
explain the dissection
514
00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:13,717
using more standard scientific
biological terms?
515
00:19:16,459 --> 00:19:18,548
- You're right, Sarika.
Of course.
516
00:19:18,592 --> 00:19:20,507
Thank you.
517
00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:21,986
Uh.
518
00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:23,074
[soft squelching]
519
00:19:23,118 --> 00:19:26,252
Behold...the adrenal glands.
520
00:19:26,295 --> 00:19:28,210
The part of the endocrine
system responsible
521
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:30,038
for producing various hormones:
522
00:19:30,081 --> 00:19:32,083
uh, cortisol, adrenaline,
et cetera.
523
00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:35,652
Now here we find them on
the cephalic end of the kidneys
524
00:19:35,696 --> 00:19:37,872
instead of on top,
which is what
525
00:19:37,915 --> 00:19:40,396
we would observe in humans.
526
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,833
[softly] I never said
I didn't know biology.
527
00:19:42,877 --> 00:19:45,749
I'm just never
gonna teach it to you.
528
00:19:45,793 --> 00:19:46,968
[bright music]
529
00:19:47,011 --> 00:19:48,970
Now, we use pigs because
530
00:19:49,013 --> 00:19:51,755
they have the same thoracic
and abdominal organs...
531
00:19:51,799 --> 00:19:57,108
♪
532
00:19:57,152 --> 00:19:58,632
There we go.
533
00:19:58,675 --> 00:20:01,722
- I, uh, strongly recommend
a Memphis rub on those cuts.
534
00:20:01,765 --> 00:20:04,986
- Mr. Griffin,
this was very informative
535
00:20:05,029 --> 00:20:07,075
and certainly innovative.
536
00:20:07,118 --> 00:20:08,163
- Ah.
- [soft chuckle]
537
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,991
Whitlock is lucky to have you.
538
00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:12,298
- Ah, thank you very much.
539
00:20:13,821 --> 00:20:16,998
- Thank you Jack
for bringing it home.
540
00:20:17,041 --> 00:20:18,042
- Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, my God.
541
00:20:18,086 --> 00:20:19,348
- No sweat, Ralph.
542
00:20:19,392 --> 00:20:20,828
- Thanks to you,
I am in serious running
543
00:20:20,871 --> 00:20:24,397
for the Innovative
Principal of the Year!
544
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,616
Could I, uh, get a loin?
545
00:20:30,751 --> 00:20:33,144
[bell ringing]
546
00:20:33,188 --> 00:20:34,668
- Hey, yo, H-Bomb,
547
00:20:34,711 --> 00:20:35,930
check this crap out.
548
00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:39,063
Hey, yo, Dan Decker, hold up.
- What's up?
549
00:20:39,107 --> 00:20:40,804
- Um, Heather could probably
use a little bit of help
550
00:20:40,848 --> 00:20:43,242
cleaning this whole mess up.
Cool, bud?
551
00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:44,504
- Let me guess, if I don't...
552
00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:45,983
I get an F?
- You get an F, yeah.
553
00:20:46,027 --> 00:20:48,508
Let's go.
All right.
554
00:20:56,733 --> 00:20:59,345
- Yo, that was pretty dope
the way you sliced that pig up.
555
00:20:59,388 --> 00:21:02,304
- Yeah, yeah.
Guess I'm kind of a boss.
556
00:21:02,348 --> 00:21:03,566
[Badfinger's "No Matter What"]
557
00:21:03,610 --> 00:21:06,917
- ♪ No matter what you are
558
00:21:06,961 --> 00:21:11,226
♪ I always be with you
559
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:12,227
♪ 'Cause no matter what...
560
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,446
- [soft laugh]
561
00:21:13,489 --> 00:21:15,317
I really suck at this.
- Yeah.
562
00:21:15,361 --> 00:21:19,626
- ♪ Ooh, girl, with you
38898
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