Original subtitles

Rubber love, rubber love, I know that's what you're dreaming of. I

got rubber love, rubber love for me.

I bounce around like one and two.

I always bounce right back to you.

I got rubber love, rubber love for me.

My heart expands.

I'm like a live and breathing rubber band that got rubber love, rubber

love for me.

It's kind of claustrophobic, ain't it?

Relax, relax.

Do you mind keeping it down?

What do you mean?

What do I mean?

What do I mean?

It's late.

I want to get some sleep.

I had a tough day.

You had a tough day?

What is it, the locker room?

Pal, I did all the work.

You are in the company of a real professional here.

Did you see the way I handled that brunette?

You handled her?

Okay, okay, we.

Me and what's -his -name, but I'm the master.

You are speaking with the master.

I ought to be in the movies.

You are a prophylactic pipsqueak is what you are.

And when my supply runs out, I'm looking for a new condo to share my box with.

Yeah?

And when do you think that will be?

You know, rumor has it you've been here since 1968.

That's a lie!

Why, me?

I'm on my third supply already, and it ain't even October yet.

Yeah, life is good.

No respect.

Nobody has respect anymore.

Why, in the old days... Wait, wait.

This could be it.

Relax, you know, it's not Pearl Harbor.

One more, and I'm out of here.

Crazy colors.

Ziploc box.

I'll be there in a minute, sweetheart.

Good pal.

That's it.

Now just walk straight ahead.

Well, nice throwing you, pal.

Relax. You'll damage your prostate.

Yeah.

Honey?

Yep. Life is good.

Look what I found in the bathroom.

What is it?

What is it?

It's a miracle. That's what it is.

It's a human glove, unparalleled in its depth and scope.

It's a condo.

Everybody's using them.

Condom, condo, prophylactic, rubber.

It is what it is.

This is the best part.

Guess who gets to administer the honors.

She doesn't have black hair.

She doesn't have brown hair. She's a blonde.

Her name isn't Marilyn or Karen.

Honey.

It's my girl, Lisa.

You're so special.

You're serious. Bobby, don't.

Jesus.

I

can't

take this shit anymore.

I want to fuck you.

So bad.

Why?

Why does everything have to be so fast with you?

It's not fast.

I've been waiting a lifetime for this.

Robert, be serious, please.

I am serious.

You know something?

I've known you for six months now, and I've never ever seen you naked.

There's something wrong there.

Wait a minute, I take that back. I did see you one time on the lake in a canoe

wearing a tube top.

I saw four inches of your back.

It was beautiful.

But that's a felony in this state, right?

You knock it off.

What? Why is sex so important to men anyway?

I don't understand.

Because that's what two people do.

They meet, they fall in love, and then they make love.

Why do we have to be like everybody else?

Well, we're not like everybody else. Most people screw.

We just discuss it.

understand.

It will be special.

Trust me.

You don't understand, Robert.

Yes,

I do understand.

I do now.

If you want to get a woman to fall in love with you, you never ever fuck her.

That's what you do and she will love you forever.

What's the big deal?

Nothing. Nothing's wrong.

Everything is fine. The world is fine.

It's this, right?

It's this.

This is the problem?

You know, everybody's using them.

You know, even my dad says, my dad does not say much, that free love these days

just costs too damn much.

I didn't mean it like that.

This has nothing to do with rubber.

Condoms, balloons, whatever.

Baby.

You're a virgin, right?

That's what it is.

You're a virgin.

A what?

It's okay.

Don't be silly.

Oh, God. I'm sorry.

I understand completely now.

Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you, Lord.

I thought there was no more around.

You can be so insensitive at times.

God.

I got to tell you something.

I was a virgin once myself.

Was that your attempt at something intelligent, Robert?

I just want to tell you I understand.

No, you don't understand.

Yes, I do.

It's not the same for men as it is for women.

You don't understand.

But I'm in love with you.

I love you too, but... But?

There's no more buts.

Robert, what are you doing?

Oh.

God bless.

Goodness.

Thank you, Wendy. It's beautiful.

Mmm,

that's good.

All right.

Oh.

I want to fucking dance.

Woodstock. Woodstock?

You were in Woodstock?

Yeah.

I was a rebel.

A prophylactic roadie.

Woodstock. Man, you must have seen the greats. Lived with them, son.

Lived with them.

If you know what I mean.

I'm impressed.

I thought you were a... What?

Amazingly pure?

Well... I've been around, son.

Seen things change.

Been in France since 67.

Hey, I thought you were in Woodstock.

Well, yeah, yeah, of course. Before that.

I remember when love was really free.

Really what?

Use your imagination.

I don't have.

Nice joint here.

Glad you got a room, baby.

But I'll tell you something.

That bedspread just don't make it.

Got to eat bar mitzvahs.

Oh, shit.

Hey, honey.

Who's the king?

You are. Yeah, that's right.

But put a little feeling in it. Say, sweetheart.

You're the king.

Say that.

Sweetheart, you're the king.

I think you need a little more practice.

Just one minute.

Where the hell are you going?

One minute.

I guess you want to freshen up.

Jesus Christ.

Shit. That's a cheap hotel anyway.

Fuck it.

Fucking ruined my clothes.

Oh, goddamn thing.

Hey, honey.

What the fuck did you say your name was?

Um, Betty.

Betty.

Oh, that's my first name.

Yeah.

Yeah, I like that.

I like that a lot.

Nice joint.

I'd like to polish your muff.

How do I look?

Like a Trojan.

This could be it.

Here I am, baby, here.

I am very disheartened.

She's probably not even a redhead.

I'll let you know later.

You look fabulous.

They travel light.

Well, you never do know who you might run into.

Come here.

You got a nice ass.

What are you doing?

I want you to wear this.

What the fuck is this?

It's a propolactic.

A what?

A propolactic. I know what it is.

Now get rid of it.

Do you want me to put it on, or do you want to put it on yourself?

You ain't going to do no such thing.

What is this, some kind of joke?

I don't joke about these kind of things.

That's good, because neither do I.

And I'm not going to wear that thing. You can just forget it.

Well, why not?

Because I'm not.

Well, if you don't, you can't sleep with me.

Who the fuck are you? The Queen of England?

You're crazy, baby.

I'm not going to wear it.

So just forget it.

Now, come here.

Come on, baby. Come here. Come here.

Let me get this thing right.

You mean to tell me if I don't wear this balloon, I'm a prick,

and we don't wake up together?

That's right.

Let me get this perfectly clear. You mean if I don't wear this...

Then we we don't

What

are you nuts What

kind of guy do you think I am think I'm some kind of fucking gigolo

Why don't you wear it well, don't you read the papers

The world is in a catastrophic state.

So blow me.

Figuratively speaking, of course.

Jesus Christ.

What happened to good old days?

What happened to days when a man was a king?

What he said went.

Jesus.

Tell you what, honey.

You can just forget it.

If you keep up attitudes like this, you'll never fucking get laid.

Ain't you gonna stop me?

old days. He used to be so wonderful.

Man is a king.

It was wonderful.

You know, it was like Charlie Parker.

Charlie Parker.

Blowing on a sax.

Now the 80s... It's become... It's become so clinical.

How did it become so fucking clinical?

Where have you been lately?

It ain't what it used to be.

Well... It could be.

What do you mean?

Did you say give up?

Well, nobody wants performance anymore.

Long, durable comfort.

Hey, some do.

Who are you kidding?

My tip is gathering dust.

I'll be in the heirloom before I get out of this joint.

You've got to think positive.

Listen, I don't ask for much.

Just some respect, some affection.

I want to be a torpedo like my Uncle Pete.

You will be.

You will be.

How are you doing tonight?

Here.

It's straightened out here.

Well, first question.

Are you a cop?

Nope.

Could you prove it to me, please?

Just unzip your fly.

Could you take it out, please?

Well, that seems real enough.

Oh, and business before pleasure.

Oh, thank you.

So how are you feeling tonight?

Why don't you sit down next to me?

You doing okay?

Yeah.

Good. I like that in a man.

Don't worry.

I'll make it just like the first time.

Why don't you tell me what you want?

Come on, sweetie. Anything you want.

Choose your imagination.

Sky's the limit.

You're paying for it.

But the hat has to go.

I don't like silly hats.

I'll be right back.

Where are you going?

I'll be right back.

Would you look at this guy?

Oh, boy, talk about your everyday losers.

Slow down, pal.

Come on, honey.

I'm ready for you.

Well, you are a mysterious one, aren't you?

Just relax and enjoy yourself.

That's good.

Get these off.

Hold this for me for a minute.

You can touch me if you want to.

It's okay.

It won't bite.

That's good.

Yeah.

Why don't you lick him? I like that.

Yeah.

um

I think it's time for the condom

Here

we

go

time. Enjoy my work.

It's a pretty nice job, I think.

Oh,

I

love that. That's my favorite position.

Yep, us working girls have to make a living.

Wait a minute.

I knew I was good, but I wasn't that good.

You're a prince.

You know, my mama told me about the quiet ones.

She said they'll surprise you every time.

Thank you for a wonderful time.

Hey, can I use your phone? I have to call my babysitter.

Sure. Thanks.

Hi, Helga. How are things?

How's Timmy?

Okay, good.

I should be home in about two hours, I think.

Okay, great. I'll see you then. Bye -bye.

Thanks again. I really liked you.

Call me sometime, okay?

Bye -bye.

I need to stretch.

I hate when that happens.

I want it to be you. I want it to be you.

I want action.

I want it. Okay, okay, okay.

Look alive.

I'm alive.

I'm up.

Okay.

How do I look?

Like a Trojan.

You like that? Yeah.

Lips touching your lips.

I like that.

Uh -huh.

Don't stop.

Please don't stop.

You like my tongue in here?

Oh, yeah.

You like me sucking your breath? Yes.

You suck me.

You

should

give the other one.

Yes. Equal tongue? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes. What's your favorite?

One of them.

What's your favorite?

Your lips.

You know that.

Right? Uh -huh. Uh -huh.

Don't stop.

Mm -hmm.

Which lips?

I like both.

You like me touching him? Oh, yeah.

You're so wet.

Feel good?

Come, Victoria.

Come on, Victoria.

You come first like this.

Come on, Victoria.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you like that? Uh -huh. Oh, yeah.

Come, Victoria.

Oh, yeah.

Come, Victoria. I want to. Come.

Come, Victoria.

Come. Deep, deep inside. Like that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, come.

You got it? Uh -huh.

Huh?

the Victoria all the way in your mouth.

Oh, yes.

Mm -hmm.

Tastes good?

Mm -hmm.

Feels good.

Yeah.

That's good. Is that what you want?

That's what I want.

Oh, yes.

Doing a good job.

Is that it? That's it.

Make it bigger.

Make it bigger, Victoria.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

You want this? We'll put it on.

Oh, yeah.

I didn't.

Oh, yeah, that's good.

You like that?

Yeah, that's good.

Oh, yeah.

Come on.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. You like that, huh?

Yeah.

Come on.

Oh, yeah.

Up and down. Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Fuck you. Fuck me.

Mm -hmm.

Okay.

You want to turn? Yeah. Yeah? You like doggy? Yeah.

Yeah, I know you do. You're an animal. Yeah.

Mm.

Uh -huh.

Oh!

Ah! Cover yourself.

Come on, you.

Oh,

fuck me.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

it's so hot. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Want to turn over? Yeah, we're here to come on you. Come.

Come, baby.

Come on, Victoria.

Baby?

I'm gonna come in.

I'm gonna come in.

I'm gonna come in.

In you.

I've got this terrific idea. David. No, let me speak, okay?

It'll knock your socks off. You're going to love it.

It's about this guy. David, wait.

David, we gave the job to somebody else.

The position's closed.

The position's closed?

Yeah.

We, uh, we filled it about five days ago.

Sorry.

Why didn't you tell me?

Well, I wanted to, but... But what?

I don't want to get into it.

Who got the job?

It doesn't matter.

Listen, I'm going to be working with him.

I think I have a right to know who got that job.

Right?

Well, it's not him.

It's her.

Susan Holiday?

Susan Holiday?

She's an idiot.

Why didn't I get the job, Victoria?

Didn't think you wanted the job, David.

Why didn't I get the job, Victoria?

Just talk to me, Victoria.

What in the hell do you want me to do about it, God damn it?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Who the hell knows?

I'll see you.

Another day.

Yep.

You had a good one.

Yeah, well... Yeah, well, don't be modest. You earned it.

What are you on? Your, uh, your eighth supply?

16th.

16th.

Brilliant.

Well, good night.

Good night.

Hey, kid.

Remember what I said before about quitting?

Yeah. Ah, forget it.

I was just blowing off steam.

I know.

Tomorrow's another day, right?

Always.

So what's another week, right?

Yeah, that's right.

For the good of us sheiks everywhere, right?

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, we got to stick together, if you know what I mean.

I know what you mean.

Yeah.

Well, good night, kid.

Good night, old fella.

See you at sea.

Good night, old fella.

Rubber love, rubber love, I know that's what you're dreaming of. I

got rubber love, rubber love for me.

I bounce around like one and two.

I always bounce right back to you.

I got rubber love, rubber love for me.

stretch. My heart expands.

I'm like a live and breathing rubber band that got rubber love, rubber

love for me.

It's up and down, in and out.

I just keep bouncing all about.

I got rubber love, rubber love for me.

I got a rubber soul, a rubber dick.

I fuck all night, baby, there ain't no trick. I got rubber love, rubber love

me.

See me shake and shimmy now.

Feel me hot and quimmy.