Original subtitles

Only natural materials to preserve the integrity of the product.

Excuse me, Mr. Croman, what is that in the case?

Ah, that, madam, is my most prized possession.

The Golden Turnip Trophy, awarded to me by the Guild of Crowmen in 1956.

For outstanding services to the scarecrow -making profession.

It is one of only two existed in the southern hemisphere.

Is it real gold?

Of course it is real gold, worth a considerable amount.

Thank you so much.

See you again next year, I hope.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Oh, that's for you, madam, $10.

And there are two free vouchers entitling you to a 10 % discount on all

trails through to December.

Ah, thank you very much. Thank you.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Phew, quite a day.

Still well worthwhile.

Right, Wessel, you're off the pole now.

Is that it then, Mr.

Cromancer? Is the open day closed?

Yes, that's it for another year, Worsham.

We won't be receiving any more visitors today.

Now, some of these museum artifacts have to be returned to Professor Pike.

So I'm going to leave you in charge to mind the other exhibits while I pop down

to the village.

Very well, Mr. Cromancer.

Now, there are some very valuable items here, Worsham.

I would not like any to go missing.

I hope I can trust you to stay on guard.

Oh, you can rely on me or any man.

If I can guard wedges, I can guard valuable.

Hmm. Now, I may not be back until tomorrow morning, so remain alert.

Don't let me down, Russell.

Oh, I won't, Mr. Crowman, sir. Don't you fret.

No, I'll keep me eyes slapping and me ears open.

I'll start doing the...

I wish to lie down on it there, Betty.

I could see the while you're bored better.

Nothing like a cushion at your back in your garden.

Very tiring on the eyes, too, this garden.

We're going to have to rest him for a moment or three.

Still guarding, Mr. Crowman. Still guarding.

Mr.

Crowman?

Mr. Crowman?

Is that you?

Mr. Crowman?

Yoo -hoo. Anyone there?

It's all right.

Relax, Faisal.

Nobody there.

So I'd better have a little look, make sure all the wild animals are all right.

Everything present and correct, except the gold eternity.

The gold eternity!

Stop! Help!

The humanity!

Leave it! I can't get it! That's all it's got to be! The humanity! No! No,

gone! Help!

Stop these!

Let's put them on the boat.

Hey.

What, eh?

What do you have?

What, eh?

What? What do you have? Hey, you razzle -dummies. What is the idea of calling

out my name in that vulgar fashion when I'm in the middle of my betty? Oh, stop

filling your fat face with spud.

It's as if his turnip has gone missing.

What?

You don't mean his gold -dick turnip or his titan's? Do it. Yeah.

That's the one. It was pinched right from under me very nose.

I was supposed to be guarding it, you see. Only I snored off for a moment or

three. And when I woke up, there he was, gone.

You ain't seen nobody creeping into the workshop else creeping out, have you?

Oh, I don't think so. But then again, I probably have his face buried in the

pot.

He's in a real spot above her, all right. If I doesn't get that gold and

back to his ironies before he gets back, I's for the composting.

He's in a real spot. It's got to bother all right. And I reckon there's a fellow

scarecrow I is obliged to give you a hand.

Now, you didn't see nobody take the turnip, nor did I.

And that means we don't know who took it, nor where we're going to find it.

I see.

Woody, you're on the right track.

Now we're getting somewhere.

And as we don't know where we're going to find it, we don't know where to start

looking.

One thing we do know, it ain't where it's supposed to be.

Brilliant!

What do you have? You was a born defective.

Defective? Hey, that's it.

The detective head.

You remember when the crow man lost his fob watch and he made that detective

head fall to track it down?

You mean the invegetated head.

It's over in there.

I know, because I peeped.

There it is.

Just where it was when I saw it last.

Are you sure this is the one?

It's got a funny look in its eyes.

Oh, Wilson.

You try it on.

If he really thinks it'll help me get the turnip back.

Come, Walter, we must waste no more time.

Hand me my cape and my dear stalker hat. There's a good fellow.

You what? In the trunk, my dear chap, in the trunk.

Yes, sir, Mr. Gamage, where's the... Thank you, Walter.

Thank you.

Now, the dear stalker hat.

Thank you, Walter.

First, we must make a thorough inspection of the scene of the crime.

But if the time is of the essence, you must hurry.

Don't look like there's much evidence to go on. That's the word, though, Mr.

Gummett. On the contrary, my dear fellow.

The place is positively alive with clues.

But that's just a big common old straw, what any of us might have dropped.

Ah, but is it just a piece of common old straw?

If it is, will you kindly tell me why there are traces of superphosphate still

clinging to the fibre?

Now let's see if we can find any more traces of the culprit's individuality.

Now, what we have here, my dear Warty, is a very large scarecrow who walks with

a pronounced limp, has bad teeth, speaks with a lisp, and is commonly found

guarding potato patches.

Hey, how can you tell all that, Mr. Gummidge?

Elementary, my dear Warty.

Now, the space between the bookshelf and the barrel is sufficient to allow any

normal -sized person to pass through.

And yet you will notice that the books have been considerably disturbed.

The fact that the books have been disturbed leads me to one conclusion,

is that our man is very broad of girth.

Also, if you will inspect the floor closely, you will notice that he has

light footprints and that these are at regular intervals.

So there he is.

Now, this can mean only one thing.

that our man has one leg substantially shorter than the other.

Ergo, he walks like this.

We're limp, precisely.

Tell me this.

What about his bad teeth?

Now, how do you explain that, then?

That is very easy to explain.

You will notice here this jar of boiled sweets has not been touched.

Now, no scarecrow with a healthy appetite would resist such a temptation,

unless... Unless what?

Unless his teeth are so decayed that a chew on a boiled sweet would prove too

painful. That's right.

But what about his lisp? Now, you couldn't possibly know he spoke with a

Couldn't I?

Follow me.

Now then, you will note that the doorstop here has been knocked over.

Now, our thief, when leaving the workshop, stubbed his toe and let out a

explicative.

The flecks of spittle on the glass there are evidence that our man suffers from

a very severe speech impediment.

Brilliant, Wurzel.

You are brilliant.

No, no, my dear Wurzel.

No, no.

I have merely observed the facts as they are.

And by a simple process of deduction, arrived at the most probable

It's a dumb game anyway.

Can't play properly with only experience.

Hey, it's Wurzel, isn't it?

He's got another one of those stupid heads on. Not again.

Hey, Wurzel!

Hey, you, don't interrupt.

Can't you see he's concentrating?

Do you want to have a game of softball? Oh, run away, little boy.

This is scarcely the time for childish pursuits.

See, I told you. He's far too busy to be talking to the likes of you.

Busy doing what? He's investigating.

And he's solving a crime as well.

Oh, it's that dumb detective head.

No wonder he's being so slooty.

Come on, Nicky. We might as well just play by ourselves.

No.

I've got a better idea.

All right.

Hold on to him, Highport.

Let's take a good look at him.

Are you from the health department or something? Because I was only just

fumigated last month. Open your mouth. There's a good fellow.

What's all this about, then? We're investigating a crime and you're the

Out in your mouth.

Ah, yes.

Thank you.

Now, my good chap, I'd like you to walk me past that sack of potatoes over

there, in a straight line.

Away you go.

What is your opinion, Bertie?

I reckon it's him. I reckon he done it. You do?

But his teeth are in excellent shape, and he has no trace of a limp.

I don't reckon it's him. I don't reckon he done it. Of course you think me!

Whatever you reckon I done, I didn't.

And if it's something you reckon I ain't done, which I should have, then I did.

Tell me, my good fellow, how long have you been working on this potato patch?

I've been right here ever since... ever since I started, not a minute longer.

He's speaking in riddles, Bertie.

He's either frightfully stupid or else he's trying to put us off the scent.

Has there been any other fellow here before you?

A big fellow, with bad teeth.

Yes and no.

What do you mean, yes and no?

What's he mean, yes and no?

Be more precise, my good man.

Well, if by a fellow you mean a scarecrow, then there were.

But inasmuch as a scarecrow ain't a fellow, then there weren't.

Well, do you know which way he went?

I can't see a thing.

But he keeps down in that woolshed over there in between postings.

Well, it's funny, I can't see a thing.

All right, then.

That's our man.

I think we have him.

Yes, sir.

Warte, come.

The game is afoot.

Careful, my dear Warte.

What we have here is a dangerous criminal.

A man so corrupted by greed and avarice, he will stop at nothing to protect his

infant. You mean he's a stinker? In the argo of the street.

I think we have him.

That's a rat in a trap.

You take this door.

I'll take the other.

And if he resists, subdue him with this shovel.

And I thought... Shh.

Confound it, you.

They're tiny minds and incapable of grasping the gravity of the situation.

Oh, look.

Too hard there.

Capital working.

The very crew we've been looking for.

Yeah, it's one of them hats they hand out at the Trescot farm.

All the scarecrows have got them.

We've got no time to lose. Come on. Yeah.

Right. Call me a cab, what?

You're a cab, Mr. Gummett.

A handsome cab, you fool.

You're a handsome cab, Mr. Gummett. Mink and poop.

We're hot cabby.

What? We've stopped with our cabbie. I'm sorry, Mr. Gummidge. I can't remember

which way is Tuscot Farm. I can't remember if it's me left or me right.

You shouldn't be driving a cab if you don't know your roads.

Excuse me, sir.

Could you direct me the way to Tuscot Farm?

Get up, my good man.

What on earth do you think you're doing?

Oh, sorry, Mr. Gummidge.

I'm just puffed out.

This is no time to be groveling around in the dust.

Good day to you, gentlemen.

His eminence, the Crow Man, has asked me to convey to you his deep

appreciation... for all the splendid work that you're doing on his behalf.

Oh, the clown man never said anything.

Shut up.

Just hand around these sweets. There's a good fellow.

Get on with it.

Oh, now I get you.

You're a sly old piece of baggage, Mr.

Wurzelgummies, and that's a fact.

Here we are, fellas.

Have yourself a nice, royal, sweet evening.

No sweet for me, thanks.

That's him!

That's our man!

After him, what if?

Hey, you!

Come back here!

Get off of me, you big bully! What are you taping me for?

Let's take a little look at you.

You're picking on me!

Leave me alone!

Yes, just as I thought.

Do you see, Warty? The curious teeth?

The pronounced limp?

Yes, he's the culprit, all right.

I never got the funk.

He's a shifty -looking individual, all right, no mistake.

They've always picked him on me, and it ain't fair.

You tell us where it is, my man, or it'll be the worst for you.

Well, Warty, what are you talking about?

Eternity! The gold eternity! You nicked it, and we want to know where it is!

Never!

I'll never nick no turnip. If you don't tell us where it is, perhaps the Crow

Man can get it out of you. Come, Walter.

Bursal Gummidge, where have you been? I came back to find the door wide open and

you nowhere to be found.

But, Your Excellency, I can explain everything.

Bursal Gummidge, what is that head you have on?

It's the investigating head, Mr. Crowman, sir, and he put it on so he

track down the gold. He turned up what got stolen.

What on earth are you talking about?

They reckon I took it, but I never, Mr.

Crowman. Take no notice of him, Your Excellency. I have made a thorough

investigation of the crime, and there is no doubt about it at all in my mind

that Bulbous Coliflar is the culprit.

I never stole nothing from no one.

Stop your snivelling, man.

Tears won't help you now.

Now confess, where have you hidden the golden turnip?

Silent!

Where's old Gummidge? You really have outdone yourself this time.

Bulbous cannot be guilty of a crime because no crime has been committed.

I beg to defy your highness.

After all, I was guarding the premises when the golden turnip got stolen.

You colossal idiot.

I had Weaverly Swee fetch the turnip while I was at Professor Pike's. While

no doubt, were asleep at your post and didn't see him collect it.

We think.

Wurzel, your treatment of Bulbis is nothing short of victimization.

Now, take that head off at once. What's your order?

Morty, would you be so kind as to go and get Wurzel's ordinary head from the

barn? Yes, Mr. Crowman. Run away, Mr. Crowman.

A moment, sir.

Is this really necessary?

I mean, if I'd made a mistake of any sort, I'd be only too willing to

He did go off on Danny, Mr. Crowman.

Wurzel, get on with it.

I think I shall have to dispose of this one. It's proved to be somewhat

unreliable. I'm very sorry for any trouble I've caused, Mr.

Gromancer. But you see, I was just having a little lie down in that there

for a moment or three.

That's enough.

If you have any apologies to make, you can make them to Bulbous. He's been

sorely mistreated. Just because I've got rotten old teeth and can't chomp on

sweeties like the rest of them, they're always picking on me.

They fear.

Quite so, Bulbous, but I shall try to make amends for what has happened.

All right, Warty, Wurzel, we're sorry for what we did.

We hope you won't think any the less of it.

Nor hold it against us, neither.

Yes, well, I suppose that's an apology of sorts.

All right, you two, back to your posts. I've had enough of you for one day. And

my cake, thanks to Wurzel.

Now, Bulbis, you stay here.

I have something for you.

Yes, shepherd Nana.

Fancy all that fuss over a stolen turnip what didn't even get stolen.

Shut your face, Bertie. I've had enough tellings off for one day.

Hey, you bulbous collie.

No hard feelings, I hope.

Yeah, we didn't mean to victimise you. It were an honest mistake, honest.

One of these scarecrow would make. Well, no. No hard feelings.

As it happens, I've got a lot to smile about.

Here. What happened to your rotten old... lampsteads. Crowman removed them.

me a nice new set of pearly white choppers instead.

Now I can eat as many licorice allsorts as I like.

That's a fine set of truth and faith, no mistake.

Have a licorice allsort.

Come on, I do. There you are, Wally.

Yeah.

It's not every scarecrow what will tear out his licorice allsorts.

He's not such a bad fella, that Bobbitt.

Now, he's a nice fella, all right.

I've said it once, and I'll say it again.

He's one of the best.

He is. He's one of the best.

Bye.

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