Original subtitles

Can't be, Mickey.

It can't be walking and talking one minute and then made out of straw and

and necks. Toss it, Joe.

What's this then? Just tell me if it isn't straw.

Oi! You put that there stuffing back in my stomach where it belongs, or I'll

knock the stuffing out of you.

What did I tell you? I said it was alive. I never said it wasn't alive,

I just said it was made out of twigs and straw.

You zoom in and teach us it's just as aggravated as the ones I've come to wait

from. Well, of course I've made it twigs and straw.

And I'm alive just when I want to be.

Hey, who's this supposed to be?

Who's that?

Who's that indeed?

Shall I tell him or will you?

Don't ask me.

Darnation, donkeys. Don't tell me you don't know neither.

He's not only aggravating, he's ignorant as well.

That's his absentee ship, the Crowman, that there is.

That's not the Crowman. Not the Crowman what lives here.

No, that's the Crowman what lives there.

The Crowman what lives there where I was before I came here.

That is eminent, the Crowman, that there is.

It's evidence what made her worse.

It's the one what breathed me, so I could walk and talk to her.

I was a real live, walking, talking scarecrow, quite a bit.

I bet you'll be bummed, Swizzle, if you've ever seen one of them before.

Bet you we have.

Tons of times.

Bet you have, then. Yes, we have. Dang me, you can't have done. We say we have.

Lots. We'll show you one now, if you don't believe us.

Right, Marnie? Right.

All right, then. Let the club show it.

When will you learn it's your duty to stay put?

Ah, that ain't no scarecrow. That's that there dark human what talks no more

sense nor would either.

the birds though, isn't he? If he's scaring the birds, then he must be a

scarecrow. Yeah, but he ain't. He ain't no proper scarecrow. We said we'd show

you a walking, talking scarecrow, didn't we? Well, there he is. Well, he

shouldn't ought to be allowed that, shouldn't humans pretending to be

scarecrows? I don't see why not. If scarecrows can go around pretending

humans.

Yes.

Well, it ain't fair him doing that.

Taking the cups of tea and slices of cake out of the mouths of poor old

scarecrows.

Ain't very tall, that, eh?

Shouldn't know to be alive, that little thing.

Go. You shouldn't... Something's scared through.

Hello, Aunt Sally. What you doing here?

You don't mind what I'm doing here. Help me out.

Help you out, right you do.

Right.

Whoops, a carrot top.

There we is.

Hey, Aunt Sally.

Why was you wedged up tight in that there wheelie thing? Wedged up tight?

I wasn't wedged up tight. I should have thought even Ingrid Scarecrow could see

the difference between someone who is wedged up tight and a lady what is

at her ease watching the parade go by.

Parade? What parade's that then, Aunt? Oh, the military gentleman. The military

gent with the drum. What him?

He ain't no military gent. He's that there daft human pretending to be a

scarecrow. That's what he is, and a pretty poor job he's making of it and

There's only one way that I know of to scare birds proper, and that's you're

supposed to stand up still like this.

I wouldn't be seen dead standing like that.

I wouldn't be seen dead talking to someone who stands like that.

Here, Aunt Sally.

Supposing I were to get hold of one of them grumpy things.

Would you talk to me then, then?

I might.

Who can tell?

Rooney!

Rooney, can you hear me?

I does that, Widow Thurston. I hear you very well.

Leave what you're doing for now. I want you to take the trapper to see to.

And will you feed the old pig before you go?

I'll do that for you, Widow Thurston. I'll look after the old pig right

Oh,

my God!

like you newfangled weedy thing.

Yeah, I never did like you pesky birds either.

But at least I knows what to do with you.

Sir,

you've done it again, Rosal Gummidge.

Very well.

If you won't settle to the employment for which you were fashioned, I shall

to find you something less fashionable.

Weasel, you really must pull yourself together.

Go there.

Go there.

Look at that man.

Not like a thing as that to be left lying around on a public highway.

Walk

off,

guys. Walk off.

Drive it along, Widow Toast, and mind your own business.

When would you believe it? There's this enormous great dolly lying in the ditch.

That's no dolly, Rooney. What size of a child would own a dog that big? I've

been asking myself the very same question since the minute I clapped eyes

You know where I think it comes from, Rooney?

The Museum of Folk History at Pewaka Waka.

Widow Toast, I think you've hit the nail square on the head. And that's where

it's going back to.

Just as soon as I've washed an eye on the poor soul's dress.

Well, we're on the subject of wash day, Rooney.

Have you managed to pick up my shopping in Seatoon?

I didn't, no.

Mrs. Tewicki says to tell you she's run right out.

I think I know the very feather that'll be after having some.

Mr. Crowman, you at home at all?

Sorry about that.

You're no beautian, that's a fact.

How did that happen?

Ah, Mr. Croman, is it yourself?

Yes. You're as stoic as a man has taken leave of his senses.

You're no more mad than any other paddy, if that's what you mean. But I've the

distinct impression I've just been kicked by this funny -looking scarecrow.

I see.

Oh, let me assure you, Mr. Rooney, there is a simple explanation.

That is a kicking scarecrow.

It has been especially designed to repel small animals of the field.

Rabbits, weasels, stoats and that sort of thing.

It doesn't injure them, it simply kicks them out of the way.

But how can it kick... Secrets of the trade, Mr Rooney.

Here! You just mind what you're kicking. I'm not a stoat nor a rabbit neither.

I'm afraid it hasn't taken to you, Mr Rooney. It's taken to me, all right.

If you'd care to, have a look round my stock.

Yes, we have a wide range of scarecrow wear.

The old -fashioned style, sack in trousers and overcoat.

It's still very popular, particularly with the older farmer.

Next to it, we have something much more upmarket for the younger farmer.

Denim. Very fashionable, as you know. There's a fine -looking garment at that.

Yes, that colour combination has proved particularly effective.

The starlings won't come within cooey of it.

Here. What does this one here do? It looks as though he's dressed up to do

damage to someone. Not unless you happen to be a seagull.

He's been designed to scare birds on airport runways and military bases and

places of that sort.

Yes, and here we have a range of scarecrow parts.

As you can see, I endeavour to use only the best materials.

Yes, quality manuka, good strong straw, heart removal for the frame. What do you

call that?

Oh, she's a beauty, isn't she?

I'm very pleased with her. That's my marine head.

Don't tell me, to scare away the sharks?

Not quite. No, actually, it's to scare away the shags and gulls from the local

fishermen's nets.

The nose, sir, that's a... Well, yes.

I always try to use local materials wherever I can.

But you'd get a better idea if you step outside. I've several examples that

might interest you.

Now.

Is this it, then, is it, sir? Is this the entire extent of your output?

These are the only examples of my craft I have to hand, but if you'd like to

come back in a couple of weeks... A couple of weeks?

Yeah, me.

That'll be a fortnight too late at the very least.

Saints preserve us.

There's an ugly fella if ever there was one. You wouldn't want to come face to

face with that fella behind you back on a dark night.

Oh, no.

A couple of weeks, no use at all.

The widow Thurston asked me to come and find you, and it's this afternoon she's

after doing her washing. Not a couple of weeks from now.

Her washing? I still wonder, do you make enclosed pegs at all?

Clothes pegs? Yeah, you know, them little wooden peggy fellas that stop the

washing falling off the line. Yes, I'm well aware of what clothes pegs are,

Rooney, but I am not in the habit of manufacturing them.

How about a clothes prop, then?

You know, one of them tall, long how -do -dos to keep the line in the air. Not

that either. I am the Crow Man. My sole occupation is the ancient craft of

constructing scarecrows.

There's not much call for them newfangled things round here.

Folk are more inclined to give me a couple of bob to bash me old drum.

Or they will do when I get it back from the devil that's run off with it. Well,

I'm afraid I can't help you, then.

Suit yourself.

Only I think you'll find in these parts a fellow hardly makes a living unless he

can turn his hand to several things.

Good day to you.

Wait a moment, Rudy.

How long a clothes prop exactly were you requiring?

Well, it ain't fair, your unfairness.

It ain't fair at all.

Well, it ain't fair.

As a genuine scarecrow, Mr. Crowman, your eminence, not a moldy old clothes

prop. What's your tongue, Wurzel?

There's a great deal of truth in Rooney's words.

If one has to make a living here, one must learn how to diversify.

Why must it always be poor old Wurzel who has to do the desertifying?

If you'd stuck to the task you were given this morning, Wurzel, you wouldn't

find yourself in this position.

And besides, if I'm to learn how to make clothes pegs, you shall learn how to be

a clothes prop for this afternoon at least.

Yes, well, I... I have one more word of complaint out of you, Wurzel, and you

shall find yourself learning how to be firewood. And believe me, Wurzel, you

would not like that. You would not like that at all.

It ain't fair.

It ain't fair one tidgy bit.

Me danged arm's getting numbed already.

Yeah, crow, for a clothes prop.

Certainly makes the ugliest clothes prop I've ever seen.

Well, I'll be bummed, special.

I'd recognise them clothesies anywhere.

Seems my aunt Sally's clothes is thoseies.

Can't see that.

Old Wordle's standing out here, holding his intended clothes up to dry.

Hang on a minute.

If that's my Aunt Sally's clothes, why aren't my Aunt Sally in them?

I'll knock a pretty head off her delicate shoulders if I will, walking

without a stitch of clothes on.

I'll take them back to a straightaway.

God dang bums with alarm. I knew it was getting sort of nummy.

Come here.

You'll be safe.

Where's my Aunt Sally? She must be round here somewhere.

Aunt Sally?

Aunt Sally?

Aunt Sally, you'd better come out wherever you are. I've got your clothes

you. Aunt Sally?

Aunt Sally?

You in there?

Aunt Sally?

You in here, Aunt Sally?

Aunt Sally?

Oi, you silly sussy!

What are you doing?

Get away, you piece of piece!

Leave my arm alone!

Get out of here!

Aunt Sally?

Aunt Sally?

Aunt Sally?

I know you're in there somewhere.

Anthony! Shut up!

Oh, you're in there, is you?

Oh, no, I ain't.

And don't you dare go looking through this there window so you'll know about

I knows why you doesn't want me to look in through that there window.

Oh, no, you don't. Oh, yes, I does.

Oh, no, you don't, you disgusting scarecrow. And if you want to go trying

find out, you'll get a plant pot chucked at your head.

Oh, you wouldn't chuck no plant pot, poor old...

love you best in the old wild world.

Never touch me.

Here I'm so.

Why was you hiding behind that sofa?

None of your business.

Because you ain't got any clothes to don, innit? No, it ain't. It is.

You're in your bare wood.

Your name? For your information, Wurzel, Edward Gummidge, I hint entirely in the

altogether. I happen to be wearing my unmentionable.

What's unmentionable, then, Sal? If you don't know, you higger and turnip

-headed monstrosity, it's hardly for me to enlighten you.

Yeah, well, it just so happens I does now, see? Because last winter when we

that hard frost, the crow man made me a pair of unmentionables.

Warm drawers, they was. He made a mat of old sheep tip -taps.

Is that what you're unmentionable as it's like, aren't I? Oh, shove off, you

disgusting scarecrow.

You wouldn't talk to me like that. You see, it's what I've got down here.

Is it a prezzy, Wurzel?

Well, it is sort of prezzy, Aunt Ali.

Only thing is, it's yours already.

It's your clothes' date.

Hand him over!

Say please. Hand him over, Wurzel, Edger O 'Gummidge, or I'll tear you to pieces

with my bare hands. And then I'll feed you to Mrs.

Thurston's dumb... That's different.

Here, then.

Come on. Turn round.

There's a horn in it.

I forgot about that.

That's my harm, Aunt Sally, just in case you was wondering.

And that's my hand at the end of it, and them's my twiggy fingers at the end of

that. So I'd be very much obliged if you'd hand it over to me.

Hand it back?

I wouldn't so much as stoop to pick up the disgusting object up off the floor.

Oh, please, Aunt Sally, please.

I need it, just to make the pair up.

Well, it's been washed, Aunt Sally.

That's what happened to it by that there farming lady.

And it was been held up to dry by your ever -loving Wurzel, what was very

honoured and pleased to do it for you. It is awful, and it pongs like a cow's

shed. No, it don't pong at all, Aunt Sally.

Well, it don't pong at a cow's shed. It pongs at the pigsty, perhaps on account

of the fact that I dropped it in the pig's well.

Oh, don't take on so -and -so. It'll hardly pong at all by the time it's been

dried out properly.

All you've got to do is hold it out in front of the... That smoky, crackly

thing, what the smoke and flames comes out of.

A fire, Wesley.

What's one meaning of fire?

I'd rather you didn't say that word out loud, Aunt Sally. A big, blazing fire,

Wesley. Oh, please, Aunt Sally, please.

What a good idea.

And there is a fire in here, Wesley.

Only it ain't quite big enough. Is it not to suit our purpose?

Well, I'd rather you didn't make it any bigger, Aunt Sally. Not just yet. Not

until I've gone. I can't make it no bigger, Wortham. Alas, and dreary me.

Because I ain't got nothing to stoke it with.

Oh, fine.

Bless my pretty little face and delicate hands.

Just the thing.

A dirty old bundle of straw and twigs.

What a coincidence.

Well, it ain't just a bundle of straw and twigs, Aunt Sally.

That's my arm, if you like to... Passed your mind back?

So give it to you. No. Yes.

No. Yes. No. Yes.

Now look what you've done to my arm.

The billy goat's eating it for his dinner.

Standing in a court of law, I'd swear I washed and hung that dress out an hour

ago. Am I going mad or something?

Don't answer that, Rooney, or you'll regret it.

Well, I can't take it to the museum in that state.

I'll have to do it all over again.

For heaven's sake, Marcia, stop snivelling.

Oh, beg your pardon, you're magnificent, but I can't. Of course you can.

Great heaven, you must have suffered more damage before now than a lost arm.

Yes, but it ain't that, Mr. Crowman, sir.

It ain't that at all.

You see, I can't blow my nose and wipe my eyes because the anky's in me

pocket to the side of the one I've got an hand on.

Am I going to do with you, Herschel? I don't know, you're magnificent.

I've set you two simple tasks to perform today and you've let me down on both of

them. There.

How's that?

I reckon she might just as well chuck the old of me on the bum -bum -bum -bum

and that crackly thing.

Old Wurzel ain't no use to nobody no more. I've let you down twice.

I've let me Aunt Sally down by mucking up her pretty frock two times.

What's the most, Mr. Cromancer, two times or twice?

Aunt Sally, Wurzel, is deserving of everything she gets.

You're right there, your infallibility.

My Aunt Sally is deserving of the old wild world.

I wish that the crow -man that constructed you, Wurzel, had seen fit in

infinite wisdom to provide you with a memory.

Only an hour ago, Aunt Sally destroyed your arm.

Well, that's because she loves me, your affluence, just as I loved her.

I followed my Aunt Sally to the ends of the earth.

And that's your problem in a nutshell, Wurzel. And my problem in a nutshell,

too. I must find some way of setting you a day's work without Aunt Sally

crooking her little finger and leading you astray. I reckon that's impossible,

your devious death.

I am the Crow Man, Wurzel.

Nothing is impossible.

Leave it to me.

Thank you, Your Eminence.

Yeah, there ain't no need to take on so.

Being a Scarecrow is something you can be proud of. Once you get used to the

idea, that is.

It's why some of my bestest friends are Scarecrows.

Soggy Boggart, Jolly Closetay, and the old pal Darth Dead, Sergeant Beatrice.

All of them is Scarecrows. Every man's a Scarecrow. And there ain't one of them

I know who's ashamed of it.

Shut up, you loathsome object!

You love it, Aunt Sally?

Out in the open air all day with no pesky human standing around chucking

balls at your head?

Covered in bird droppings. That's because you ain't got the hang of it

You have to shout and holler at them every now and then so they doesn't take

disadvantage of you.

Go on, get out of it, you dang pesky vermin.

Go and find another paddock to peck at, you pestiferous poopy.

I wouldn't so demean myself for a dutch in this rat... Oh, yes, you would,

aren't you, Danny? Come on, now. All together now with old Wurzel. Get out of

here, you dang pesky barmy!

You're finding out a kind of depression, you pesiferous princess!