Original subtitles

The stone.

Figured I could knock its head off.

Well, it's me, Fern.

Look at the size of the stone you've got. Oh, shut up.

Here goes.

I might have known.

Missed by a mile.

See if you can do better.

Missed by two miles.

Oh, you pesky little perishes.

Oh, cripes, it's alive.

You wait till I catch us up with you. I'll bang both your heads together so I

will. All three of us.

Here's your lad Mickey up to no good again, Mrs. Peacock. And your Manu, if

not mistaken.

Come back here, you three.

I've got the eyes of your life to give you.

Very strange friends Mickey's got these days.

More like one of Manu's.

Get that wallop in, I promised you.

You can't come in.

It's our house.

Yeah. Very nice little house. It's his and all.

Even nicer than the little big house what the crow man pinched off of me.

Here, Ray.

Does, uh... Does you teachers live here all by yourselves, then?

Not really. It's just pretty.

Just as I thought.

You three squatties, ain't you?

You will shove off. This little house will do me nicely.

Come on, Manu.

to see if the mum's got any cakes to give away.

Wait a minute. Cakes?

Did he say giving away cakes?

What if he did?

Well, why force anyone in his right mind to give away cakes instead of eating

them? That's just the sale ones. You can't sell them at the shop.

Does you live in the shop, Missy?

Yes, he does.

I live next door. Yeah, well, next door ain't no use to me.

Next door might just as well be 11ty mile away.

I can, uh...

Can you get any of these giving away cakes for me?

Why should I?

Because if you don't, I'll tell you what I'll... Because if you do, I'll tell

you a secret.

Go on, then.

I's a scarecrow.

So what's the secret?

Well, that's it. I've just told you. Well, that's a joy, stupid one. Look, if

you three titties don't watch it, I'll tell you what I'll do. I might go into a

sulk. And I'll sulk and I'll sulk and I'll sulk.

until all my straw drops out and all that's left of me is bare twigs and

broomsticks.

I could sulk for 11 to your old days, so I could, and then you'd be sorry. No,

we wouldn't.

All right, then. Just for that, I won't sulk.

He sure looks amazed if he's sulking.

Yes, well, that's where you're wrong, Mr Cleverclogs, because this here ain't a

sulk at all. This here's a non -sulk.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

He does look a bit different.

His eyes are more red.

Yes, the cat more. And his nose is longer and bigger. He's definitely a bit

uglier. Uglier? Who you calling ugly?

Not so much uglier, more as really horrible.

Right, that's done then.

Top of the morning, sir.

Is it your tent?

Oh, good morning, Mr Rooney.

Ah, yes, cash on delivery. You've come from the Widow Thurston.

I have not. I've just come from my own cottage.

Yes, but you've come for the Widow Thurston Scarecrow. I have that.

And talking of cash on delivery, she asked you if you mind very much if she

you in fresh eggs and butter. Oh, butter.

That's right, butter and fresh eggs. Oh, yes, well, that would be splendid.

Oh, the eggs are in the hen and the butter's in the cow. Are you ready when

are? Ah, yes. Well, as you can see, Mr Rooney...

The widow thirst in scarecrows incomplete.

It is that, sir. Yes, well, would you apologise for the delay and say I've had

some trouble finding the right quality mango, Wurzel? You would have. The

travelling scarecrow maker snaps them all up.

Travelling scarecrow maker? That's right. He made all the scarecrows round

until you came along. Yes, I know that, Rooney. That's why I did come along.

He makes the cheap scarecrows, though. He certainly does.

You'll find no cheap scarecrows here.

Every scarecrow that leaves his hands is craftsman -made, worth its weight in

them. What did we say, eggs and butter?

We did, sir, but we'll have to shake hands with it another time.

It's the widow Thurston's cows that won't wait, you see, sir. They have to

milked. They'll come back tomorrow?

Funeral tomorrow, sir.

Wednesday, then?

My niece's wedding.

Thursday?

Goddaughter's christening.

Friday?

Friday would be a fine day, except I don't work for the widow Thurston

I work for Father O'Malley, and he doesn't need a scarecrow.

Not that I know of.

Saturday. Saturday.

Me day off.

But don't fret yourself, sir. I'll go and find a travelling scarecrow mate.

No, wait.

Mr Rooney, if Mrs Thurston is in such a hurry for her scarecrow, I believe I

have just the thing.

Does it not need a hat, sir?

Not this one. No, the one I have in mind is a real, fully finished, live, that's

to say, proper scarecrow. Yes, Mr Rooney.

Come along.

It's a fine scarecrow by the sound of it, sir. It is indeed, Mr. Rooney. One

your cheap scarecrows for me.

I'm no fly -by -night, cheap jack here today, gone tomorrow, nibbity -jibbit,

box -job -sampling, part -time so -called scarecrow maker.

I come from a long line of cromids.

And mark this.

Mrs. Thurston doesn't get this scarecrow for eggs and butter. Oh, no, I shall

require a bit of bacon as well.

I suppose that'll be subject to negotiation, sir.

Oh, yes.

The crossroads, you said, sir.

Here we are.

Oh, girl.

Oh, easy, girl.

What would a widow Thurston be calling a new scarecrow? It's a powerful, silly

thing to be sure. But we've always given scarecrows names in Deep Park. Oh,

quite right, Mr. Rooney. The scarecrow's name is... Russell Gummidge.

It's a fine name.

All you need is a scarecrow to go with it.

I love it.

Are you going to keep all them cakes to yourself?

Or are you going to give a crumb or two to poor old Wurzel who's starving from

starvation? Don't be silly.

Geekos can't starve.

Oh, fine, friends. You turned out to be no mistake.

We never said we were your friends. No, we're good friends.

Here. How would you like me to learn you a special language what nobody else can

speak? Not really.

Sounds too much like school.

Oh, you won't learn this at no school.

What does that mean?

That means good day to you, my friends, in Worsley.

What's that mean?

Good day to you, my friend, in Maoli.

In Miaoli?

Is that what pussies speak in Zunilin? Don't be stupid.

All right, well, if you three won't give me no cakes, I'll have another sulk, so

I will. And I'll sulk and I'll sulk and I'll sulk until me head rolls off and

that there pig eats it up.

And then you'll be sorry.

This should be interesting.

That's Mrs Thurston's pig. It's always hungry.

Yeah, well, so am I.

So I'm going to sit in here and I'm going to sulk until I get fed.

I'll throw a cake at the pig money.

I'll just eat the scarecrow's head.

It'll be a shame if it does. I reckon that scarecrow could be worth something.

Come off it. Who'd want to buy a scarecrow? A walking, talking scarecrow?

reckon the museum at Piwaka Waka might be interested.

Did you say the museum at Piwaka Waka? I thought... You were

soft until your head rolled off. Yeah, well, so I was, but I ain't got time for

that now. That's their museum.

Well, then that museum is where my Aunt Sally is.

Who's Aunt Sally?

Who's Aunt Sally? That's my intended, bless her little good name.

Would you like to help me rescue her?

Is she a real Aunt Sally?

Yeah, of course she's a real Aunt Sally. She used to work in a coconut shire and

have wooden balls chucked at her head.

Did you get that, Manu? A real Aunt Sally? If we rescue her, we could start

own fairground. And give coconuts away for knocking your head off.

That ain't the idea at all.

Thank you.

Much obliged.

You can't come in.

Why first can't we come in? Read that.

You can't come in. Quite right.

I'll be off with you before I show you me boot.

Come on, teachers.

You just can't come in.

Oh, I think I can.

Please give my card to your master.

This fellow's here with his card, sir.

Claiming to be a chroma.

Claiming to be.

And you've kept him on the doorstep. Show him up a little bit. Show him up.

sorry, sir. I will, sir. Right away, sir.

Look, Mickey, there's some stairs. We can get in that way.

Himself, sir, Mr.

Crowman.

My workmen.

Very flat dash, I'm afraid.

This is indeed a great honour, Mr Crowley.

A very great honour.

Of course, I'm more than familiar with your Antipodean addendum to that

excellent work, The History of the Scarecrow.

Hand me a footnote.

May one dare to ask when we may expect volume two?

It's in preparation. At the moment, I'm more interested in Aunt Sally's. Aunt

Sally's?

No doubt you are familiar with my own trifling monograph on the subject.

An impressive work. I wonder if I might inspect your collection.

Not that it compares, of course, to the monumental work of your distinguished

colleague. My distinguished superior back in the old country. I was

interested in the chapter on the wickerwork scarecrows of ancient Java.

Really?

in the 415.

Looks good.

He's blocking the stairs.

What are we going to do? Don't know.

I'll take that with jolly Jim and the double at Trenton.

Oh, let me get it on.

Hello? Come on, quick.

Hey, who's there?

Hello?

Oh. I'd like two dollars on frantic in the fifth with Jolly Jim.

What do you mean the race has just started?

Who let me down in there in the first place?

There's not much fun in here.

Everything's covered up.

My Aunt Sally ain't here neither.

Maybe he's got her locked up in a big box upstairs in the attic.

That's where she usually ends up.

Hark. I don't hear anything. It's a sheer weeping and a snivelling.

That's my Aunt Sally. She's in here somewhere.

What's she look like?

What's she look like?

She looks like rainbows.

Apple blossoms.

and roses unfolding their soft petals in the morning dew.

And a pretty nose would be running from weeping a silly little egg.

Now, get looking.

The effigies of Easter Island now. Professor Pike, I was most taken with

theory that they are, in fact, giant stone scarecrows. Professor Pike, have

yourself ever visited Easter Island? Professor Pike, with great respect, blow

Easter Island. One of your arm cellars is in grave danger.

In danger, Mr. Croman?

In danger of what?

In danger, of causing a great deal of mischief.

That is, in danger of being stolen.

Oh, no, I hardly think so, Mr. Croman. Not without security here.

My commissioner, Gilbert, misses very little.

Now, in the chapter on ancient Egypt, mention is made of the corn dollies

in the pharaoh's tombs.

Wee! Titches!

It's all right. It's all clear.

He's gone.

Come over here and Elko Wurst will find Aunt Sally.

That ain't her.

That ain't her.

Oh, that ain't her.

Yeah.

Woo!

Good. But that lovely old fossil certainly ain't her.

My, my, my.

That's a croon and a half, that is.

Is this here, Weasel?

Aunt Sally, my beloved.

What about this one?

Well, I'll be bummed, Weasel. My Aunt Sally's turned herself into another Aunt

Sally. She's like the dang double -edged pendant.

Oh, she's frightened like daisies in a ten -acre field.

How many Aunt Sally's is there in here?

I think she's over here.

Oh, that's an urdly -gurdly. That ain't my Aunt Sally. But one of these ones is.

If you're in trouble, I can't tell Tether from which.

Now then.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

Catch a big fat cross -eyed crow.

One patatey, eleven patatey, four patateys, three.

Seven patateys, nine patateys, a hundred and five patateys.

That's not her neither.

Turn your pot pot, turn it to stew, turn it to bake in a pie.

The next one is you.

Because that's not her at all.

One of them must be. I know that, young missy. The question is which.

Here, what are you doing with that Urza Girdley?

Well, you set it going, so you are.

Now we'll find out who the real Aunt Sally is, because that's fairground

that is, and I never could resist fairground music.

This one's crying.

Well, that's because it reminds her of having wooden balls chucked at her head.

This is my real Aunt Sally, all right.

I think it is.

There's only one way to find out. Let's get inside that look -through box.

Now, then, where's half a brick?

Wouldn't this be a better way?

Wait, you're the proper little smarty pants.

Come on, you three. Get inside this blue through box.

Careful with that paint.

The chick said she'll have her guts for garters.

Come on, I'm sorry.

Hey, Wizzle, stop looking.

Then... The chapter of the kilter scarecrows of the Highlands among the

clans. Professor Pike, I have not come here to talk about scarecrows. Do you

realise the damage that can be caused by one Aunt Sally if she's turned loose?

Damage? Why, Aunt Sally?

Two Aunt Sally, I should say.

Who was it?

I heard a gurgling.

But it wasn't something I should think, Sir.

It's the one in the fairground collection.

Where I keep my Aunt Sally's.

Downstairs. Come along.

You'll soon see whether you're the real Aunt Sally or right Aunt Sally.

Because if you is, then you'll come to life and you'll marry your old Wurzel

rescuing you in the first place.

And if you ain't, you won't.

In any case, I knows what to do in situations like this.

I have to breath life into you.

Want to get ready?

Get ready.

Come on, do it.

I know what you're doing.

I'll do it with me eyes closed.

Then we'll find out whether you use my ring on the alley or not.

You slobbering...

on the chops by an herd of cattle.

Disgusting!

That's my Aunt Sally.

Come on, then, come on! Someone's trying to make off with one of our Aunt

Sally's! Get him alive!

Cautious, red -handed!

Come back here, youse can't come in and youse came in!

Come on, Aunt Sally.

Get in here.

If he's coming again, you can stay out.

Too late, I fear, Professor.

Bless my soul.

And bless mine, too.

Aunt Sally, can I have a little rest now, please?

No, you can't have a rest.

You've got to buy me them tin cakes that you promised before the shop closed.

If I don't have a little rest, I'll drop dead from exhaustive imitations, so I

will. Poppycock!

Anyway, if you don't like... pushing me, you'd have bought a horse and carriage,

not a flipping wheelbarrow, either that or a grand motor car.

I'll have you know, Worsall Gummidge, that when I stayed for the weekend with

his noble highness, the Duke of North Cumberbund, he very kindly sent his gold

-plated Rolls Royce to fetch me. And another thing, Worsall Gummidge, the

reason why I'm pushing you is that you're pushing me, is so we can get to

shops and we can buy me the tea and cakes.

Yes, Aunt Sally.

That's a fine scarecrow you got there.

Better than the poor thing I've got here. Would you be after selling it at

I might.

Well, I'm telling you, that shall keep you out of mischief for a while.

Ah, Rooney.

Did you find a scarecrow?

I did that, sir. A fine one. They were no Christians well satisfied, sir. Good.

And which paddock did you put them into?

There's no paddock, sir.

You see, they laid his powerful plague with birds down the chimney.

The chimney? You mean... There's himself.

And that'll keep you out of mischief, my friend.

Thank you.